6

Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run

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Chapter 436 Scarlett's Reveal

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Jax had steeled himself for this moment. He knew something was wrong with Scarlett and he was ready to hear the words. As painful as they were going to be to hear, it would be more painful for her to say them.

"What is it?" he asked gently.

Scarlett hung her head, her blonde hair swinging down, covering her face. There was a long pause before she spoke.

"I . . . I . . ." she paused and took a deep breath, "I don't like sex."

Jax wasn't sure what she was trying to tell him. Was she telling him that it was never going to happen for them? She'd told him not long ago that they would have to be exclusive for her to get close enough to him to sleep with him. He'd agreed to that. She'd left the sex positions she'd gotten from her physiotherapist out for him to look at. Those were all signals that things were moving ahead. Was she telling him now that she was never going to have sex with him?

He needed to focus less on his reaction to her words and more on her and what she was telling him. By the way she was hanging her head, he could tell that she was ashamed of what she was telling him.

"What happened to you?" he kept his voice soft and gentle. He needed to encourage her to talk to him.

Sex was important to him. He couldn't imagine a relationship without it. It broke his heart that Scarlett hadn't found sex enjoyable but that was the past. This was not an insurmountable problem. They could solve this together as long as she was willing.

"You can never tell my father," she whispered. "No one knows this."

"It's OK, Scars, you know you can trust me."

She nodded looking down at her hands.

"I was with two guys before my psycho ex. It was OK and sometimes it was good. With my psycho ex, it was never good. It was usually awful. He hurt me."

"That son of a bitch," Jax yelled.

Jax's hands clenched into fists and there was no doubt if he ever crossed paths with that guy, he would kill him. He stood up, his fists still clenched. He thought about punching the wall. He'd punched a wall the night Bela died. Clay liked to kick chairs when he was mad. He got that now. The urge to just take his anger out on something was almost uncontrollable. He'd turned his back to Scarlett to give him a moment to calm down. When he turned back around, he caught a glimpse of her face. He could see the fear in her eyes, only this fear was of him.

"I'm not mad at you," Jax said walking over to her and then crouching down so he would be in a nonthreatening positon.

"I know," she whispered. "My mother was with a man who had anger issues. It terrified me. Just seeing the look in his eyes. He had light eyes like yours."

"I'm sorry. I'm working on my temper. I'll be better around you. I'll never hurt you and I don't want to scare you ever."

Even when Scarlett thought she was facing a team from her ex who wanted to kidnap and torture her, she hadn't been frightened. He would keep tighter control on his temper around her. It hurt to see the fear on her face and know he put it there.

Scarlett nodded and remained quiet. Jax sat down on the couch next to her.

"Can you tell me more about your psycho ex?" he asked still keeping his voice soft and gentle.

"I didn't speak up for quite awhile and he didn't like to have sex that often. I was an idiot and really naïve. Once we got engaged, it got worse. Finally, I made myself speak up. He told me it was my fault. There was something wrong with me," Scarlett spoke slowly looking down at her hands again, unable to look Jax in the eye.

"You weren't an idiot. You were young and he took advantage of you."

"He'd isolated me from all my friends," she said swallowing hard. "I know now that's how an abuser works. They isolate you, so you don't have a support system. I had my father but this wasn't something I could talk to him about. My psycho ex was older and more experienced. I believed him for too long.

"Finally, I went to my doctor. She checked me out and I was normal. I told my psycho ex. He said I might be physically normal, but there was still something wrong with me. He enjoyed hurting me and pretending it was my fault. It wasn't long after my doctor's visit that I discovered his illegal activities. I just put up with him and sex until I could put my escape plan on my wedding day into action. You know all the rest."

Jax took her hand in his and tenderly kissed her fingertips. He thought through what she was telling him and then he thought about the girls he'd been with. Sex for him had always been about mutual pleasure. He figured if he enjoyed sex then his partner had too. It never even occurred to him that while he'd enjoyed himself, the girl might not have had as good a time. How could he not have given his partner any thought? Easy, it was the MC way of life. Croweaters existed for the pleasure of the guys in the MC. Some of the guys didn't treat them very well. He'd been guilty of that on a few occasions.

Even with Wendy, sex had never been about her. She'd been a croweater and that same expectation that she was there to service his sexual needs remained after they were married. He never even thought about her needs. He may not have knowingly ever sexually hurt a woman, but he hadn't been the most considerate of lovers.

With Scarlett, it would be different. He would focus on her needs and making it great for her. Tender, slow and gentle. It would be all about her. He wanted to erase all the bad, painful sex she'd endured and show her great it was with him.

"Are you going to be able to try having sex with me?"

"That's why I'm telling you this. I was thinking that I could just pretend everything was OK and hope that it would be OK but I was afraid that it would be really bad and then you wouldn't want to be with me anymore," Scarlett said. For the first time, she was able to look at him. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"Scars, I love you. It wasn't your fault or your body's fault that he hurt you. It was his fault. He blamed you because he didn't know how to treat a woman. I'm not going to throw what we have away if things aren't perfect between us. We can work on this together."

Scarlett nodded but clearly she wasn't convinced. Jax didn't know what he needed to do to convince her that they would work things out between them.

Jax gently brushed the hair back from her face.

"Scarlett, you hated sex because it was awful for you. That's a normal reaction. You aren't defective."

"I know it's important to you."

He stroked her cheek with his fingertips to reassure her. He could see the worry in her green eyes.

"You are important to me. You bring my world to life. Trust me. Just be honest with me when we're together."

He could see some of the tension leave Scarlett's body. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.

"OK," she whispered. "Do you think you would like to come here next weekend with me?"

Jax knew exactly what she was suggesting. She wasn't ready to be with him yet. She still had to think things through but she wanted to be with him next weekend. He was great with that. They would have a whole weekend. It was better than a single night.

"We can come up here Friday night. Maybe get dinner along the way."

She nodded.

"I'll make sure my dad doesn't come here for the weekend."

"And why wouldn't you want your dad up here?" he asked with a teasing smile.

"Thanks for understanding."

"How could I not understand? You can tell me anything and we will get through everything together."

Tears spilled down Scarlett's face.

"I'm so glad I found you," she whispered.

Jax carefully wrapped his arms around Scarlett. He wanted to take away all her pain, protect her and most of all next week make love to her and give her the best experience of her life.