With her head resting on Jack's chest, Sam was awakened by the soothing sound of her lover's breathing. Placing her hand flat against his heart, she let herself be lulled for a few moments by its steady rhythm. Jack O'Neill had become a drug she struggled to live without. Yet, last night had also frightened her. She had let down too many barriers for him and was now realizing that he could destroy her if he wanted to.
Jack, who had been awake for a while, sensed Sam's breath quickening as if her thoughts were racing. He gently stroked her shoulder with his fingertips to bring her back to him and kissed the top of her head, his nose buried in her hair. "Hey," he murmured.
Sam pressed herself closer into his arms, as if she wanted to disappear into his body. "Morning," she whispered.
A silence settled between them, but Sam suddenly broke it by lifting her head. "I'm sorry."
Jack frowned, his hand still caressing Sam's shoulder. "I thought we agreed you shouldn't apologize, Sam..."
She blushed and rested her chin on the flat of her hand, lying on him. "You have better things to do than deal with a woman who can't handle herself," she finally replied.
"Sam," he began, rubbing his stubbled chin. "You've got a degree in astrophysics, you're in the Air Force—even though we don't know your next assignment yet—you're beautiful, and you have a perfectly organized life. I don't see where you see a woman who can't handle herself."
Sam seemed to get lost in her thoughts and exhaled a long sigh. She rolled over in bed and lay on her side. With her head on her pillow, she stared thoughtfully at the ceiling for a moment and finally murmured so softly that Jack almost thought he was dreaming. "I was seventeen."
He held his breath, understanding that the words to follow would likely be difficult for her.
Sam remained silent for a moment, then stopped staring at the ceiling to turn towards him. Jack also turned, and they seemed to create a secure cocoon, lying face to face.
"I was seventeen, and his name was Don. He was the perfect guy in every way. The kind you can't help but fall in love with, the one who does well in school, has a balanced social life, and a good family." Sam paused, seeming to search for her words. "He convinced me that I wanted it. You know, it wasn't that typical kind of rape, where you don't know the man, and everything happens so fast that you don't have time to get lost. No, for me, it was the boy I was in love with, and he took advantage of me, made me come, and made me believe that I wanted it."
A lump formed in Jack's throat, and he clenched his fists against his body, restraining himself from reacting.
"I hated my body for years because of that. Being raped is one thing. But to climax during a rape..." she paused, wiping away a tear with her fingers. "After that, I wanted to control every aspect of my life. I never came again because my brain decided to control my body in every detail. Pleasure wasn't an option anymore."
She stopped trying to hold back the tears and let out a nervous laugh. "And then I met you, Jack."
Sam turned her head again, looking at the ceiling for a few seconds. Jack remained silent.
"Apart from you, I've always dated bad men, Jack," she said with a tearful smile. "Because those men are predictable, easy to handle."
He reached out a hand and, with all the gentleness in the world, caressed her cheek to wipe away the tears. "I'm far from a good man, Sam," he whispered, his voice rough with emotion.
They lost themselves in each other's gaze, and Sam pressed her cheek against Jack's hand. "We're two broken souls, Jack," she said, placing a hand on his chest and slowly caressing his skin. "We're a mix of good and bad."
She leaned in slightly to kiss his collarbone, and suddenly he wanted to scream that he loved her all over again. But he couldn't, as if the words were stuck somewhere between his heart and his throat. Sam gave him a smile, and her blue eyes locked onto the brown ones of her lover. "I know," she whispered. "Don't say it."
Jack nodded, his lungs seemingly regaining access to air. "India, Lima, Yankee," he whispered in response.
Because they weren't really saying "I love you," were they? They weren't really breaking the rules. It was just two soldiers communicating.
They made love once more, tenderly, as if to seal those stolen words, and then began their day without ever speaking again of what they had just shared.
The following days passed relatively calmly. They continued to meet each night, in one another's rooms. The rest of the time, they enjoyed the O'Neill estate, and Sam and Liz continued to spend time together, growing closer as friends.
Yet Jack kept thinking about the words they had exchanged. Even though they hadn't explicitly said the three forbidden words, the coded language was enough to convey the message. He wondered if they had crossed a dangerous line that night, but Jack found himself unable to fall asleep without Sam's body pressed against his, the young woman wrapped in his arms.
Jack's thoughts were interrupted by the laughter of Liz and Sam as they approached him. He realized that Sam's laughter was a sound he would have liked to bottle up to listen to at every moment. He wanted to hear her laugh at his jokes in the morning, laugh at his antics during the day, laugh between the sheets at night.
His breath suddenly caught as he realized just how much he was in love with this woman. Nan was right. He was completely, hopelessly in love.
"Well, it looks like you've seen a ghost?" Liz asked as she reached him.
"Uh," Jack cleared his throat. "The only ghost I've seen is your patience. How many years has it been since you last had any?" he joked to recover. "Hey," he smiled at Sam.
Her face lit up with a smile. "Hey you," she replied as the three of them stepped out onto the terrace. Jack served each of them a beer, and they settled around the outdoor table.
"So, how was your day?" he asked, sitting down next to Sam. Even though he would never admit it out loud, he was delighted to see how well the two got along and how quickly
Sam had been accepted by the two women in the family.
Sam chuckled lightly and exchanged a conspiratorial look with Liz. "Oh, your sister wanted to do a bit of motorbiking."
"Motorbiking?" Jack asked.
"Yeah, I bought a Ninja ZX-10R," Liz replied.
"Kawasaki?" Jack said, impressed.
Liz nodded and exchanged a conspiratorial look with Sam. "I lent it to Sam, and I took the Honda."
"Mhmh?" Jack showed interest, trying to understand what was making the girls laugh so much.
"Well, if I hadn't stopped, I'd still be waiting for Liz," Sam laughed.
The girls burst into laughter, and Liz clutched her sides as she turned to Jack. "No, seriously, if I didn't have Oliver, I swear I'd be flirting with Sam. This woman? She's as crazy as an O'Neill, in a goddess's body, with a genius's brain."
Jack nodded, choosing not to respond, and reached for the pack of cigarettes left on the table. Sam, focused on maintaining her blush in response to the redhead's compliment, didn't notice as she placed a delicate hand on Jack's forearm. A gesture that instantly brought them back to their hotel room a few years earlier.
Sam had never liked that he smoked and always tried to distract him back then.
Jack put the pack of cigarettes down and continued the conversation, trying to dispel the realization they had both just had. "I didn't even know you rode a motorcycle," he pointed out.
Sam was about to reply but was interrupted by her phone. Seeing that it was a call from Daniel, she excused herself politely and went back inside to take the call. She returned a few moments later and sat back down with an apologetic smile. She took a sip of beer and let out a sigh. "General Hammond found a solution; the program reopens in two weeks," she sighed.
She cast a pleading look at Jack, waiting for him to say something, to suggest she stay and that they would find a solution. Faced with his silence, she lowered her eyes and slowly whispered, "I'd better go."
Jack froze so briefly that the movement could have gone unnoticed if the girls hadn't been watching him. This marked the end of their stolen interlude. He didn't know what he was hoping for, but he also knew that the reopening of the program and returning to the Air Force would once again push them to stop any form of relationship between them.
Sam finished her beer and stood up, apologizing as she went to pack her things for the next flight. As she left the terrace, Nan arrived and sat down next to Liz.
"Why do you all look like you've seen a ghost?" Nan asked with a sly smile.
"Jack's no longer retired," Liz answered her.
Nan raised an eyebrow in question, not quite understanding why that was such bad news. Jack, for his part, seemed lost in thought, staring at his beer in contemplation. Liz leaned towards Nan and whispered softly, "Jack's no longer retired, Sam goes back to being his second, same chain of command, Nan."
Their grandmother's face lit up with a flash of understanding. She remained silent for a moment. The young officer had captured her heart far more than she would admit. She couldn't imagine anyone else for her grandson's happiness. But military rules were unchangeable.
"Jack," Liz began.
"Not now, Elizabeth," he only replied.