Cullen had not been the only one looking for Siara. Solas hadn't looked for her so determinedly, but he had been wanting to talk to her. Now that Anders was gone, he was the only one who knew about her situation, and he doubted she wanted to tell anyone else. However, Siara needed training. If for no other reason, so that she wouldn't use her new-found magical abilities. An untrained mage was dangerous, no matter how they came about their abilities.

It was the evening when he found the time to stop by her room to see if she was available. It didn't take her long to answer the knock at her door, stepping back and motioning for Solas to enter as soon as she saw who it was, not bothering with greetings.

The room was in a bit of disarray, a pack on the bed with at least some of Siara's things set beside it. It didn't take Solas long to notice, raising his eyebrows when he did.

"You're packing?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've been asked to help in the search for Crestwood's former mayor."

"I see," Solas frowned slightly. "I was hoping to discuss the matter of your training, but that could be more difficult if you'll be away for a while."

"I don't want to think about my training right now," Siara stopped what she was doing and looked at Solas. "I have other things to think about. Anders was handling things, and now he's gone, and I just want to take a break."

"I understand that. But your training is more important now than it ever was," he replied, a serious tone to his voice. "Demons will take any chance they can find, any weakness. And right now, I imagine you are feeling more emotional than you have been for a while."

"I'm not a proper mage, Solas. I doubt that demons can find me like they can a typical mage."

"We do not know that for certain," Solas paused for a moment. "I suspect it would be easier to train you away from Skyhold, anyway. If I can, I would like to accompany you on your trip."

"I won't stop you," Siara shrugged. "Varric and Dorian are tagging along already. I think they don't trust I won't try something stupid. Think Bull was also wanting to tag along, but Jacquelyn is sending him and the Chargers off to do something else."

"I'm sure we can find ways to work without them noticing, if you don't want them to know."

Siara could tell that Solas wasn't surprised. He probably thought that Varric and Dorian's concerns were warranted. By now stories of what happened with Kildarn had been floating around Skyhold for what felt like months, and he had been there when Siara had promised to make the former mayor disappear. She doubted that he was impressed by either of the scenarios, but she didn't particularly care. She couldn't control how people felt about her actions. It only mattered to her what she did.

"Varric probably worries about me more than enough as it is," Siara pinched the bridge of her nose, "I don't really need him about me for yet another reason. And Dorian… I'm just not ready for too many people to know. I'm sure he could help, but there's just too much going on at the moment."

"I understand," Solas assured her.

Siara sat down on her bed, and for a moment they stayed in silence. She didn't want to talk about everything that was going through her head, and she knew Solas wouldn't push her to. She didn't know all the secrets he kept, but she knew he kept some. She would respect his desire to keep things to himself as long as he respected her desire to do the same. But there was one issue that she knew she should bring up with him, though she didn't feel very comfortable voicing her concerns on the matter.

"If we are going to do some training," Siara started, speaking slowly while she thought, "then on the off chance something goes wrong, should we think about having a Templar on standby?"

"If you really want. But I'm sure that up to a point I would be able to keep things from going out of control. We can take the training slowly. I don't expect you to be combat ready straight away."

Siara shot a mildly dirty look at him, recognising the small dig at Anders' training style.

"I'd prefer to keep this just between us for the moment, but I think we should acknowledge the fact that things could get out of control to the point we might need someone around who can completely block magic."

"Agreed."

Siara sighed, leaning forwards and muttering to herself quietly, hoping that Solas couldn't hear. She really wished that things could go back to how they were before a big hole in the sky appeared and everything turned to shit, and she really wished she could go back to how her life was before everything at the conclave.

It felt impossible to get anything in her life under control. Everytime it felt like she was finding some resemblance of normalcy in her life, something else would happen and throw everything into chaos again. Siara wanted more than anything to know exactly what was happening in her life, and she wished she could know what her future was holding. But there was no way to read the future, and she knew that there was no way for her to be prepared for everything that could be coming to her. For now all she could do was to try and play catch up with everything else that had been happening. Again.

Like trying to deal with the knowledge that Jacen was now a spirit of Duty, and that Anders was almost certainly dead. Who knew about Justice. He could be fine, but equally he could be just as dead as Anders. She still didn't know how to feel about either of those things, and while the trip was giving her far too much time to think about it, she wasn't even sure where to start unpacking it all. At least she didn't have almost countless people who she didn't know coming up to her and giving her their condolences. It honestly surprised her how many people were trying to empathise with her about Anders' death, considering that there were just as many, if not more, who thought of him as a terrorist. Which Siara had to admit, they weren't wrong about.

She glanced behind her at Varric, Dorian, and Solas, each on their respective mounts. Despite being in such a bad mood, Siara still managed to find amusement in the sight of Varric riding a small horse. She wasn't entirely sure why, but the image seemed a bit ridiculous to her. It wasn't just because he didn't seem very good at it, he just seemed extremely out of place not walking or riding in a cart. When they had been travelling with Bartrand, Varric had always walked or ridden on a cart with his brother. Jacen and Siara usually changed their mode of transport depending on how long they had been in an area.

Dorian looked much more at ease, and he was letting Varric know it. Siara was pretty sure he had been teasing the dwarf for a while, judging by the small scowl on Varric's face and the smug look Dorian had and the almost tired look Solas had on his face.

"They seem to be enjoying themselves," Ser Barris said as he pulled his horse up next to Siara's. "Or at least Dorian does."

"Varric has never been much of one for riding, as far as I know," Siara shrugged. "I'm sure he'll get sick of Dorian soon and put him in his place, whether it be by a kick to the shins or a quick witted comment. I think the kick would do more damage."

"From what I know of Dorian, he would probably have some smart comment to retaliate with."

Siara smiled slightly, leaning forward and giving Blaze a gentle pat on the neck.

"You're not wrong," Siara paused for a moment, neither of them saying anything. "Why is Commander Rutherford sending you on this job?"

"That's a slightly long explanation," Barris replied.

"It's not like I have anything better to listen to, unless I want to drop back and listen to a Tevinter mage teasing a surface dwarf about his pony. And that isn't even some sort of weird euphemism."

Barris smiled, shaking his head slightly.

"I suppose that's true," he said as he glanced back at them, then turned back to watch where he was riding. "The Templars at Skyhold have been without a leader since Knight Captain Denam was replaced by a demon back at Therinfal. Commander Rutherford is hoping to install me as the new Knight Captain."

"That wasn't a particularly long explanation at all."

"Well, it requires a lot more than just saying that he supports me and wishes me to take the position," Barris continued. "I need to prove that I'm able to lead by example, which means that I have to go on jobs like this one and the one I have after this. If I don't show that I am willing to take on the simple tasks, and the difficult ones or unpleasant ones, then the other Templars won't respect me enough to follow my lead."

"I can understand that," Siara couldn't help but briefly think about Jacquelyn, wondering how many of the less grand jobs she actually went out on. "I think he's picked the right person for the job, for what it's worth."

"Thank you. I hope you're right."

"I think the fact that you're wondering if you're the right person for the job already makes you a better candidate for it than some. Having someone power hungry in charge doesn't usually end well. And it's better that you seem to want the job and worry that you might not be the right person than if you straight up didn't want it."

"You seem to know a lot about this."

"I've just been around a lot of bad leaders," Siara muttered, "and a lot of idiots who think they could do a better job, or at least that the current system isn't working and do something incredibly stupid about it."

Barris watched her for a moment, but Siara did her best to act like she didn't care or notice, her thoughts returning briefly to Anders.

"Then I think I have to thank you again," he said after a moment. "I appreciate the support."

Siara looked around at him in mild surprise, not because of his sentiments. She was surprised that he hadn't made any comment about Anders.

"I… you're welcome," she said. If Barris wasn't bringing it up, she wouldn't either. But from looking at him, she could tell he knew who she had been referring to. She smiled at him, then returned to watching the path ahead of them. She didn't really know how exactly to show him that she appreciated Barris not bringing up the recent loss.