Gwin tries to get her mojo back, and an important decision is made. Read on!

Chapter 34

The guard that was supposed to be manning the post of the rear entrance was again sleeping, and I made a note to report this to Halbarad who could pass this on to the Brenin; it would not do to have that entrance poorly guarded in case of an attack. We made our way over to the fire, where Lothrandir was chatting animatedly with Halbarad about something. When he noticed me, he said, "Ah Gwinthilnel, just the Elleth I was looking for! I was telling Halbarad the story about how you attempted to learn to ski in Forochel and almost plowed straight into a group of Gauradans because you could not remember how to stop!"

Despite my dark mood, I could not help but chuckle softly. "Thankfully you were there to shove me off the road into a snow bank."

"It also allowed us to take them by surprise in an ambush!" Lothrandir grinned. "One less threat for the Lossoth to worry about."

"Did you ever learn to ski?" Candaith asked, looking amused.

"Well…" I replied, looking sheepish.

"No, she did not!" Lothrandir said in answer. "You cannot be good at everything Gwinthilnel!"

I smiled but did not reply, as I was unsure how to respond to this. I was felt exhausted and wanted to rest. Halbarad, seeming to sense this, bade Candaith show me to our camp inside Lhanuch. It was situated in the eastern part of the small town, and we were somewhat cramped. However, shelter was shelter, and being within the walls of Lhanuch provided some protection. Lothrandir furrowed his brow, looking a little concerned; I'm sure I looked disheveled and sad; I have always had trouble hiding my emotions from my friends.

I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going; luckily Candaith had a hand on my back and was guiding me in the right direction. He didn't say anything, but his presence alone was enough to bring me some measure of calm. However, I still felt embarrassed about what happened, despite his assurances that he didn't hold it against me.

Elrond had talked to me while in Imladris about something called post-traumatic stress. He said that when a person goes through something traumatic, the memory of it can linger and cause sudden hallucinations or visions that seem real, or at the very least, impact behavior. For example, I might be more averse to physical intimacy or even just physical contact, inadvertently shying away from it. I also knew that my fear of Uruk-hai was ever simmering under the surface; it had not yet impacted my ability to defeat them in battle, but I was afraid I would freeze in terror at the worst possible moment and get myself injured or killed. Elrond suggested I open up to the people closest to me and try and talk through things; ideally, I would spend time with someone trained in treating post-traumatic stress, but there was no time to look into making that possible.

I knew Candaith wished I would speak of these things with him, but I did not have the words to say. It was also hard to be so vulnerable, even with someone I loved. Would it alter his opinion of me? Would he think me weak? He had already become a little over-protective, and although I understood why, it irked me. I wanted to be strong and independent; I had been on my own for so long. Yes, sometimes I would work with others to complete some necessary task or defeat something I could not kill on my own, but most of the time I was on the road with no company but that of my horse, and with no one to keep me alive but myself.

Settling myself in a tent, sitting on my palette, I noted that the sky was darkening. Was it late enough to be considered appropriate to sleep? I felt exhausted, not only in body but also in spirit. Candaith had settled himself next to me; he would not be sleeping here, but I think he felt he should stay and make sure I was ok. I felt him nudge me with his shoulder, and I blinked, slightly startled. "Where did your mind go just now?" he murmured softly.

I shrugged, "Nowhere really. My mind feels quite empty at the moment." I looked down at my hands, noting they were clenching my blankets tightly. Candaith took them and gently relaxed my grip, rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs. I always found this comforting and told him so.

"I know, that is why I am doing it," he replied, taking one hand and tipping my face to gaze into his. Smiling he said, "I will always be here to comfort you and try to make you smile." I couldn't help the small one that formed on my face at the warmth in his eyes. Suddenly he pulled me into his lap, but not in a romantic way. I snuggled into his chest and inhaled the familiar scent of the forest and a hint of pipeweed. No more words needed to be said; for now, in this moment, I felt safe and at peace.

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It seemed like the blink of an eye from when I was in Candaith's arms to when I noted Lothrandir gently shaking me awake. "Time to rise and shine," he said with a wink, but I could see compassion in his eyes. Could he somehow know what happened? I shook my head internally; Candaith would never share that information without my permission. I sighed but managed a tired smile and a soft "good morning." I noticed I was covered in my blankets but also wrapped up in Candaith's cloak. I knew Lothrandir must have noticed, but he did not comment on it.

I reflected that maybe everyone had some sense that there was more than friendship between Candaith and I, but only Radanir had asked about it. Perhaps they wanted to respect our privacy, and I appreciated it. Elladan and Elrohir had known about it before anyone, and it is likely Saeradan had discerned it, but they thankfully did not mention this to anyone else. However, I doubt they all suspected there was love involved, at least on my end. I knew how I felt, but how deeply did Candaith feel about me?

The only way to know would be to ask, but when?

"Gwin?" I started as I realized Lothrandir had been saying something to me. "Ah, I am sorry Lothrandir, I was lost in thought."

He patted my shoulder, "No worries my friend. I was just saying that I made some breakfast if you were interested."

"Knowing you, it will be delicious," I said with a smile. Lothrandir was a very good cook; when we were in Forochel, he would go ice fishing and catch some huge ones. He fried them up and it was beyond amazing.

A smirk on his face, he held out a hand to pull me up and said, "May I assist you Lady Gwinthilnel?", bowing exaggeratingly. Deciding to put all my dark thoughts behind me for the moment, I took his hand and rose as regally as I could, pretending to be some haughty noblewoman. "Why thank you Lord Lothrandir, you are so very kind," I said primly, trying not to laugh. He tucked my arm politely under his and we strode out of my tent. We made it about halfway to the fire before we burst out laughing.

"Lord Lothrandir?" he asked with a grin. "I do not think I've ever been called that in my entire life!"

"Well there's a first time for everything," I replied, laughing again as he bowed and I 'curtseyed' despite wearing trousers. After our giggles settled, I squeezed his hand and said, "Thank you my friend, I needed some humor this morning."

He gave me a genuine smile, "Anytime Gwin." With that, I followed him over to the fire where he had cooked up some sausages and potatoes. I had just settled myself on the ground with a plate when Candaith joined me, with a cup of tea and a smile that made my heart flutter. "I saw your little display over there, and I must say it was quite humorous."

I chuckled, "I'm glad we were able to entertain you. It felt good to just be silly and laugh." I nudged his shoulder with mine. "Thank you for lending me your cloak; it was nice to wake up wrapped in it." I hesitated, but decided to flirt a little, whispering "Although, waking up wrapped around you would be nicer." His eyes widened and I almost giggled.

"Don't tempt me," he replied softly and a little huskily, and I felt a blush creep across my cheeks. How easily he could turn the tables on me! His eyes were smoldering; I so badly wanted to kiss him, but refrained…barely.

Thankfully a distraction arrived; Nona approached me and sat down on my other side, with some distance between us. "Good morning. I had hoped to speak with you, if you have time," she said somewhat brusquely.

"Of course, Nona." Without responding, Nona rose and I brought my food with me and followed her into what I presumed was her home.

"My father is not here, so we will not be interrupted." Sitting at a table, I lowered myself into a chair opposite her. "I know you are not the leader of your group, but I feel I can trust you with this," she said softly. I nodded, and she continued, "Some weeks ago, Wadu traveled to a place in Thror's Coomb, up high in the mountains. After he returned, he seemed much changed. I saw courage and a sense of purpose that was not in him before. When I asked him about it, he refused to tell me anything except that he felt he now had a purpose. Father of course outwardly ignored him; I could see he was curious but too prideful to ask."

She paused, and the grief in her expression was unable to be fully masked by her stoicism. "Just a few days ago, he told me that if I was willing to listen, he would share with me what happened up on that mountain, but I had to promise to believe him. I must have looked skeptical because he became angry with me and stormed off. We did not speak again, and I hate that our last words together were in anger." She bowed her head and collected herself. I felt saddened for her; I knew what it was like to lose a brother, but we had parted in a loving goodbye and not after an argument. It would be hard for her to accept that despite this, Wadu must have loved her, even in his anger.

I focused my attention on eating, to give her some time to gather herself. After a few minutes, she looked stoic one more, "I would have you investigate this. I worry something strange is at work here, something bigger than we know."

I was unsure what to say. Halbarad was the leader of our group, and I knew that any side mission or delay would be heavily discouraged. "Do you think it has something to do with Saruman?" This was likely the only thing that would convince Halbarad it was important enough to pursue.

Nona frowned, "Well, Wadu was…killed while trying to spy on Saruman's orcs. What would cause him to do that? He had never had any interest in fighting anything, and the gate he went to is somewhat far from Lhanuch. Maybe he saw something in Thror's Coomb that made him worry about Saruman?"

I sighed and furrowed my brow. This was confusing and I had more questions than answers. "I will ask Halbarad to consider this, but I cannot guarantee he will agree to pursue this."

"Could you not go on your own?" she countered.

I considered this briefly, but again reminded myself I could not go running off and expect them to wait for me or be ok with it. "I am traveling with the Dunedain because where they go is important, and I must go there as well. If they decide we must move on and continue south, I will not go against it." I put my hand on Nona's shoulder. "However, I will do my best to convince Halbarad of the merits of your request."

Nona sighed and her shoulders fell. "I see. Well, thank you for listening, and I hope your leader will agree to help me."

I nodded but did not reply. I was unsure what the right answer was. If this deviation turned out to be nothing, Halbarad would be very unhappy, but if it revealed something crucial that could directly impact our mission and safety, it would be worth it.

I said my goodbyes to Nona and went to find Halbarad, who was standing by the fire with Radanir. I overheard him saying, "I need you to establish a small camp across the road in the trees. You will be our eyes on the ground, watching for anything suspicious that is making its way down the road we will be traveling. If it is a threat to us, we must eliminate it before it becomes a problem."

Radanir looked uncharacteristically serious and grim, "I understand it is important, but must I go alone?"

"I have no others to spare; I am spreading us around the area to scout and gather information, and very few will be in groups." He put a hand on Radanir's shoulder, "I know it will be difficult, but you will not be far from here, and can return occasionally to visit." At this Halbarad's lips quirked up, "Perhaps I can send someone to entertain you occasionally."

A small smile appeared on Radanir's face, but it did not reach his eyes, "That would be nice. I will gather my things and leave shortly." He became serious once more, but when he saw me approach, he tried to smile and said, "Hello Gwinthilnel, it is good to see you. It turns out I will be heading out soon to make camp across the road from here."

I had overheard this but pretended it was new information, for his sake. "Oh? Well, it is an important job you will be doing; we need all the information we can get, and I know you are up to the task of gathering it." I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging look, and he seemed to relax slightly. I turned to Halbarad and asked, "Could I speak with you for a moment?"

I gathered myself and said, "Wadu's sister Nona came to me and told me something curious. She said that a few weeks ago Wadu went on an unexpected journey to Thror's Coomb, to a place high in the mountains. When he returned, he was much changed, and although he did not share what happened with Nona, she noticed he seemed to have much more interest in Saruman." This was not entirely true; rather it was only speculation, but I had a feeling it was right. "She thinks he went to spy and try and determine Saruman's plans when he was killed, and said it was important for this to be investigated."

Halbarad was already shaking his head, "I know what you are about to ask, but I must ask you to think carefully. Traveling to Thror's Coomb and climbing up a steep, potentially dangerous mountain to satisfy Nona's curiosity is foolish, in my opinion. I do not want you getting killed for this." He looked resolute, but I saw a glimmer of something paternal; I knew he cared about me and wanted me to be safe.

"My intuition is telling me that there is more at work here that could spell trouble for us. If there is even the slightest chance this could help uncover something important, I feel it is important to pursue." I gave him a small smile, "I have climbed very high mountains in the Misty Mountains and scaled cliffs of the Redhorn Pass during a blizzard and survived; I think I will be able to handle this."

Halbarad looked conflicted, and stood in thought for several minutes; I tried to wait patiently. Finally, he said, "Be that as it may, I would have you go with a few others. Things can go poorly very quickly in such places, and you can protect each other."

I frowned, "I was under the impression that all of us were spread far afield. Are you sure you can redirect anyone to come with me?"

"I must think on this for a time. I will let you know what I decide soon."

Holding in a sigh, I nodded, "Very well. I will be here."

Looks like Halbarad is hesitantly on board with Gwin's quest up into the mountains. Who will go with her? Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you have a chance!