Our Ranger and Elleth spend more time together, and Gwin admits something which hurts Candaith. Read on to find out more!

Side note: The website was acting crazy when I posted the previous chapter last Wednesday, so you may not have gotten a notification for it. Please check it out before reading this chapter, thanks!

Chapter 46

After eating some lunch (if you could call lembas "lunch"), we sat together as we had before. I had to force myself not to eat the entire bag of candied apricots, and regrettably returned them to Candaith's pack. Candaith seemed to be pondering something, and I waited patiently for him to speak.

"Gwin, is the Dunlending girl, Nona, still up in Zudrugund?"

I kept my face neutral, but inside was rapidly thinking about what to say. "Ah, she decided to leave before sunrise yesterday, to return to her village," I said nonchalantly.

"Hmm," Candaith said. "I did not see her pass through my camp. Perhaps she went another way?"

I shrugged, "Likely she did not want to be seen, and being more familiar with these lands, she was able to avoid you."

"But why would she feel the need to avoid me? I do not think I have given her a reason to do so," he added, looking puzzled. He seemed to note my hesitation, and adjusted so he was facing me. "What are you not saying Gwin?"

I tried to avoid his gaze, but he tipped my chin up so we were looking in each other's eyes. "Please do not lie to me, meleth nin," he murmured, looking concerned.

I looked away and leaned into his chest, and he put his arms around me automatically, but I knew he was still waiting for an answer. "There are some things I left out when I gave you my account of what happened during my little adventure." He froze briefly, before taking one hand and running his fingers through my hair. It was comforting.

"You know you can tell me anything Gwin," he whispered.

"I know," I said softly. Gathering my thoughts, I continued, "Let me see…as you know, we spent two nights up there." I felt him nod. "Well, on the first night, I had a terrible nightmare, except I was awake. I saw shadows and dark shapes forming in the air, and…and…" I hesitated; mentioning the Uruk again would hurt Candaith. However, I knew he would want to hear of it, and perhaps it would help unburden me. "The darkness formed into the shape of the Uruk from the Lone Lands." Sure enough, he stiffened and his breathing became a little more rapid. I looked up at him in concern, "Candaith, I am sorry if this causes you pain."

He was unable to smile, but he did kiss my forehead and murmur, "It is fine meleth; what happened that day will stay with me forever, but I am always here to listen and support you."

I sighed, but continued my tale, "A small part of me knew it could not be real, but I was so terrified that it truly seemed like he was really there and was going to…to torture me again." I shivered and tried to push down the rising despair. "Elrohir came into the room and said he noted that the air was full of a heavy, strange darkness, and used his healing skills to dispel it. I was hiding under the bed," Like a coward. "But Elrohir and Elladan convinced me to come out from under it, and were able to help calm me down. I had to tell them about the Lone Lands, and although they were supportive, I knew it pained them to hear of it."

"I am sure it did; they care very much about you," Candaith replied. I wondered if he knew about what happened to their mother, but didn't feel it was my place to bring it up.

I forced myself to keep going, "Earlier, I mentioned the journey down to the mines with Nar and the rest of our party." I felt him nod. I swallowed, as my mouth suddenly felt dry. "We fought an ice drake, and the battle was fierce, but we all survived and were uninjured."

"An ice drake?" Candaith said incredulously. "How…unexpected." He seemed unsure what to say, and I felt a flicker of amusement at his reaction.

"Afterwards, we returned to Zudrugund and gave our account to the dwarf Frithgeir." At this, I started to worry about how what I would say next would impact Candaith's opinion of me. I was ashamed of my actions, and despite Elrohir's insistence that it wasn't my fault, I could not stop blaming myself. It made me feel weak. Candaith pulled me closer, and I found the strength to continue. "He said some things which made me angry and suspicious…and something strange came over me." I took a shuddering breath. "I was so angry…so enraged. I said terrible things and…and I almost killed him." Candaith stiffened in surprise, and I felt the shame starting to overcome me. "Elrohir had to use a sleeping dart to subdue me, and it was nearly too late."

I was silent for a time, and was amazed at Candaith's patience. I was certain he would ask me to explain myself, but he had relaxed and continued to run his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths, trying to regain my composure. It was difficult. "Elrohir said he saw the same darkness that was present in my room the night before start to surround me. He thinks it was impacting my actions. If he had not stopped me with the dart, who knows what would have happened." I curled up even more, unable to look at Candaith due to what I would say next. "I…I told Elrohir that I needed to leave and go off by myself, but he convinced me not to. He said it would be safer to stay together, in case I needed rescuing." I felt a little bitter at this. I had always been an independent Elleth, and relying on someone to make sure I wasn't overcome by these strange, dark forces was difficult.

"Well, I am glad you changed your mind," Candaith replied quietly. "It would have grieved me to hear you had left without saying goodbye to me." His voice was clipped, and I sensed some anger.

"Candaith, I changed my mind," I tried to reassure him, "I am here now."

"Would you have said goodbye?" He asked. "Or would you have slipped past me, unable to face me because you knew I would convince you to stay?" He was not yelling, but I could tell how hurt he was. I pulled away and moved a few paces from him, wondering if he desired some distance. Indeed, he had a frustrated expression on his face, and I was unsure of what to say.

"I…I do not know what I would have done," I said sadly. "I hadn't even made any sort of plan before Elrohir helped me see the truth."

"Perhaps it would be a good idea to find Nona and explain what happened," Candaith said, and I was a little thrown off by the change in topic. "I'm sure once she realizes that you were not at fault for the strange darkness, she will forgive you." His face was oddly blank, and it was disconcerting. However, he could not mask the anger in his eyes.

"Ah, yes, you are probably right," I stammered. "However, we should-"

As if he knew what I was going to say, he interrupted me, "I will tell Halbarad where you went. It would be good to smooth things over with her, so she does not spread tales about you to the villagers and make them distrust our party." He looked away from me now, as I tried to catch his eye. His expression was almost stony, and it was not one I had ever seen directed at me.

I was hurt and confused by this. While I agreed with his advice to patch things up with Nona, I did not believe that leaving at this moment to do so was the right decision, and I felt like he was overreacting.

Candaith sighed, and looked emotional. "Gwin, if you had left without saying goodbye…I am not sure I could have borne it." I went to ask him what he meant, but he continued, "I would have gone looking for you, potentially casting aside my duty to Aragorn. I love you too much to have let you go without a word of farewell or explanation."

I raised my eyebrows in shock. "You would have left, just to find me?" He would have abandoned his mission to Aragorn? It was more than surprising…it seemed unbelievable.

He nodded slowly, looking somewhat ashamed but also resolute. "You mean more to me than I can possibly say. I had not yet decided if we could be together, but I knew I loved you nonetheless."

I was unsure what to do or say next. Should I move closer and try to comfort him? Or should I keep my distance to give him some space?

"Candaith, I am sorry if I hurt you, but again, I must remind you I did not in fact leave to go off on my own. I changed my mind," I said earnestly, feeling tears form, but I refused to let them fall.

At this, Candaith looked deflated, like he had been building up a wall to try and push me away but could not manage it. I took a chance and put his hands in mine. "Please meleth, do not send me away, at least not in anger. I do not wish to be parted from you." We had just admitted our feelings for one another, and I did not want to leave unless Halbarad commanded it. He squeezed them and abruptly pulled me back into his arms.

"I am sorry Gwin," he said softly. "I became more defensive than I should have been." He looked down at me, and a small smile was on his face. "You are right; you decided not to leave, and I am grateful. Who knows when we would have spoken of our feelings to one another if not yesterday? I am glad you are here with me." Kissing me slowly, I relaxed in his arms. His fingers were running through my hair, and my arms had snaked their way around his neck.

Breaking the kiss gently, I tucked my head under his chin, and we sat like this for a short while. I found comfort in the steady beating of his heart; knowing he was here and that I was safe with him brought me happiness, and I smiled.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The twins returned in the evening, and Elrohir relayed Halbarad's message. "He would like for us to join him at his camp when we are prepared." He turned to Elladan, "Halbarad wondered if any more had been uncovered in Zudrugund since I was there last?"

Elladan shook his head, "Frithgeir had mentioned Nar had been looking furiously through various books, but we found nothing of use, even after questioning him. Although, he had not consumed the potion, so any answers he gave were disjointed and made little sense."

Candaith sighed. "So, we are no closer to learning how Nar knew about our road."

Elladan shook his head sadly. I frowned and said, "Ah well, then I suppose it would be wise to recall the rest of our party down from Zudrugund, unless Halbarad decides to send people back up there."

"I will go retrieve them," Elladan replied. "They had decided to stay there until I spoke with Halbarad, but I agree it would be best for them to return here and wait for more instructions. I know the route well, and it is still early evening. I should be able to arrive there by sunset. We will all return in the morning."

I raised an eyebrow; it had taken us all day to get there the first time we went, although it was in a snowstorm. "Be safe mellon nin," I replied, "But when the rest of you return, do not move so hastily that you get yourselves into trouble." Elladan just laughed musically, and I rolled my eyes.

Elrohir then turned to me. "Halbarad wondered if you would go to Lhanuch and check in with the Brenin to make sure all was well."

"He wants me to go?" I asked. "Surely he would be the better choice, being our leader." I had just made a point of telling Candaith I did not wish to be parted from him…and the next moment, I am called away on yet another errand.

"The Brenin trusts you after your help during the council," Elrohir answered. "It would likely be better if you spoke with him." He lowered his voice, "I would, however, keep your ears covered when you are wandering around. You know of the distrust they have of Elves, however misguided."

I nodded, feeling disappointed but understanding Halbarad's point. "Does Candaith need to stay here?" I asked, looking at Elrohir hopefully.

A small smile formed on his ageless face, but he nodded. "Halbarad wishes to keep this camp in place until it is no longer needed. Candaith will need to stay here, at least for now." I frowned, and Elrohir gave me a brief hug and whispered, "I am sorry muinthel."

"It is not your fault," I answered, just as softly. I turned to Candaith, and he smiled at me sadly. "I will not be gone long," I said. At least, I hope not.

Elladan looked at his brother and they moved away from us slightly. I went to gather my belongings, and Candaith followed. I packed automatically, without really thinking about it. I knew this would likely be a short trip, but having spent just one day with Candaith made it hard to leave so soon.

I stood up, and when I turned around, I started as I realized how close he was to me. He took me in his arms, and I hugged him tightly. "I will miss you," he whispered.

"And I you," I replied, moving back slightly to pull him into a kiss; he deepened it, and moved our bodies flush together. I heard someone clear their throat and we slowly pulled apart, realizing that we were not exactly in private and the twins were clearly able to see us, despite giving us some distance. I glared at Elladan over Candaith's shoulder and he laughed lightly. I focused on Candaith's handsome face and said, "Namarie, meleth nin."

He smiled and replied in kind, "Namarie. Le melin." Forcing myself to turn away from him, I mounted my horse and headed toward Lhanuch. The ride was short and easily made in a few hours. I would take the time to visit Nona while I was there, as Candaith had suggested.

I tried to push my conversation with Candaith out of my mind, but was unable to forget the words he said. Clearly, my mention of going off on my own hurt him deeply. Would I have said goodbye? Deep down, I realized I likely would have slunk away in the shadows, to Eru knows where. I hadn't even considered my destination. Usually, I would travel from town to town, and see what needed doing. However, in these lands, my help would not be welcome, and I would likely be viewed with suspicion or even fear. Would I have returned to a 'safer' place to offer my services?

I knew some of the lands where I had previously been did need help; Bree was again struggling, and I knew my people in Mirkwood were endlessly fighting the enemy. I could be of use there…but I had promised to help Aragorn. Did he deserve my aid any less? If I had left our party, I would be abandoning not only those Dunedain, but Aragorn as well. It would have been selfish, even if my intentions to protect those I cared for were good. I also would have suffered without Candaith by my side, even if I had not known for certain if he loved me or not. He meant too much to me.

And what of the strange darkness? If I was alone, what would I be able to do to escape it or defend myself?

Sighing, I patted my horse, and she nickered in reply. I was glad she was with me, because at the moment, I felt very alone. I had traveled on my own for so long, and now that I was part of a group, it was strange to be without them. Perhaps this short ride was what I needed to reflect on my actions; I would do better in the future.

At least, I hoped so.

Gwin finally told him the whole story, and realized how much she would have been leaving behind if she traveled on her own. Hopefully this short trip to Lhanuch will provide her with the distraction and peace she needs. Thanks for reading, and review/follow/favorite if you'd like!