I meant to post this yesterday, but Christmas was just too busy and I didn't have time to edit it! So, it's the 26th, but it's an extra-long chapter! I thought about cutting it but found I liked how it flowed as written.

Gwin tells Halbarad what happened in Lhaid Ogo, and has an…eventful day. Read on to find out what happens next! Merry Christmas!

Chapter 52

I did not want to tell him of the strange darkness or my jumbled thoughts, but it was technically a part of what happened, and could not be left out of the account. I tried to think of a way to make it seem less serious than it was, and began. "Nona guided us well, and we avoided enemies to and from Lhaid Ogo." I nodded at her in thanks. "Elrohir stayed to guard our camp, and the rest of us went inside, lighting our lanterns. We defeated many enemies, including the undead Chieftain Ogo, who was the 'leader' of Lhaid Ogo."

I hesitated, but Candaith gave me an encouraging look, and I took a deep breath and continued, "Before Ogo appeared, I felt a deep chill in my bones, and dark tendrils of shadows surrounded me; the force of it pulled me to the ground." Elladan's eyebrows rose, and I knew he ascertained what I referred to. "Unsure what to do, I suggested the others put their lanterns on the ground around me, and the darkness faded. Candaith pulled me to my feet, and my strength returned enough that I was able to defeat the Chieftain." I glanced at Nona, who looked guilty; I was sure that she felt bad about her initial act of deference when Ogo appeared. "After that, we fought various other enemies and reached Anirin's location, and defeated the Kergrim guarding him. We then escorted him back to our camp, and everyone returned safely and uninjured, with the exception of Anirin, who had a mild leg laceration." My voice sounded almost emotionless, as I intended. I wanted to keep it as objective as possible and keep my discomfort and lingering fear out of it.

Halbarad looked thoughtful, and replied, "I see. I am glad you are all safe, and that your mission was successful. The strange darkness is concerning, but luckily you were able to dispel it, and not allow it to interfere with what you were doing." He was eyeing me closely, likely trying to determine if that was actually true, but I moved my gaze away from him, playing with a loose thread on my cloak.

After a pause, Halbarad continued, "We will spend the night here, and tomorrow Nona, Anirin, and Gwinthilnel will join me as I travel to Lhanuch." He stood, and I inferred we were dismissed. "Take time to eat, and get some rest."

As I expected, once I exited the tent, the twins steered me away to a more private location. I sighed, not wanting to rehash anything, but I knew they cared and wanted to help me if they could. Candaith was trailing behind, but paused after a few steps, and I wondered if he thought I did not want to include him. I reached out and grasped his hand, and pulled him along. I needed him by my side, as I realized he deserved to know everything.

We sat down in a small circle, and the twins looked at me with some concern. "Gwin, it sounds like the dark force returned. Can you tell us more of it?" Elrohir asked.

I noticed my breath quicken, but Candaith put his arm around me, and I felt comforted as I rested my head on his shoulder. I was thankful as they gave me a moment to collect myself.

"I had just dispelled some limrafn when I felt a sudden chill down my spine. I glanced around at everyone else, but no one seemed to notice. I asked Candaith if he felt anything, and he said no, but before I could ask any more questions, an overwhelming weight felt like it was on my shoulders, and I sunk to the ground." I had to take a few deep breaths, and I felt Elrohir take my hand. "I could see the tendrils of darkness surrounding me, and…and I felt like I was choking." I shivered, remembering how hopeless it seemed. "I asked the others to put their lanterns around me, not having a clue if this would help." I looked at Elrohir. "I remembered what you did in Zudrugund when I had my nightmare, and thought perhaps the light would drive away the darkness. Thankfully it seemed to work somewhat."

Elrohir squeezed my hand, but I felt Candaith tense. I was worried he was afraid of me. Unsure if he wanted me next to him, I went to move away, but he pulled me close to him again. Feeling relieved, I paused, trying to determine how to adequately word what my thoughts were like after I was back on my feet. "We were confronted by Chieftain Ogo and several other wights, and he threatened to kill us. I became angry, and felt a surge of strength and energy. I defeated the Chieftain wight without difficulty, as well as the four others."

"On your own?" Elladan asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded. "I felt almost invincible, and…and I think everyone was afraid of me when I looked at them." I could not see Candaith's face, but I imagined he might have an uneasy expression. "After that, my thoughts were jumbled, and I felt…nothing." I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what to say. "I was only focused on fighting. I able to defeat every enemy I came across faster than I would say I usually can, and killed the four Kergrim guarding Anirin in only a few seconds. No one else had the time to help me, but I am unsure if I would have even allowed it, although I do not know how I would have stopped them." I pulled my hand out of Elrohir's and ran it through my hair distractedly. "Anirin was terrified when he looked at me, and with great effort, I was able to appear less threatening. As we left, I felt less and less energy, and by the time we reached the camp, I was almost unable to keep walking. Candaith likely would have needed to carry me if we had any further to go."

I felt like bursting into tears. Not only was I ashamed of my weakness, but frustrated with this cursed darkness that kept affecting me at the worst possible moments. "What would I have done if I had been alone?" I said weakly, but I knew the answer. I would have been unable to defend myself, and then the wights would have killed me if the strange surge of energy did not appear in time.

Another terrible thought entered my mind, and I looked at the twins desperately. "Or…or what if I was with the others, and the darkness overcame me, and I became something terrible? What if I turned on my friends?" My actions against Frithgeir filled my mind, and I was shaking. "What if I had killed them?" I closed my eyes tightly, and all I could see was myself cutting them all down. Candaith would look at me with betrayal, and the light would leave his eyes, and I would stand there, my knives dripping with blood, feeling nothing but rage.

"Oh no…please n-no!" I was whispering hysterically, my palms pressed hard against my eyes as I tried to dispel these horrific images. I jumped up out of Candaith's arms and stumbled away from him and the twins, but did not get far before I fell to my knees and curled into a ball on the ground. Evil. Traitor. Murderer. You cannot be trusted. He will leave you and you will be all alone. You do not deserve his love. The twins think you are a burden. You are worthless. A foul voice was whispering in my thoughts and it seemed I could not escape. The familiar, icy chill returned, and I did not open my eyes because I knew what I would see. I felt like I was drowning, and gasped for each breath. I feared the voice was right.

Suddenly, arms encircled me, and I felt the healing warmth from Elrohir, who was muttering something in Quenya. Everything was foggy, and I could not understand him. In my mind's eye, I could see a wall of darkness warring with one of light, and I wondered which would prevail. Someone else then grasped my hands tightly, and I knew it was Elladan as he added his voice to his brother's. The combined power of both of them broke through the darkness, and a comforting light took its place.

Slowly, I felt the haziness fade, and I opened my gritty eyes slowly. Tears were coursing down my face, and I was trembling. Elrohir held me close, still softly speaking in Quenya, but when he saw me looking at him, he smiled tiredly. I buried my head in his chest, and he said "You are safe, penneth; I have you." I clutched his shirt tightly, which was soaked with sweat, but I did not mind. Indeed, I did feel safe. Elladan was singing softly, and it reminded me of the aftermath in Zudrugund. I was sure Candaith was close, but did not look at him; I was afraid what I would see. Would he be scared of me? Disgusted? Would he want to keep his distance from now on, worried I would hurt him on accident?

Would he abandon me, as the voice said?

I cried harder now, as the thought of this was very painful.

Just as I was working up the courage to face him, I heard him murmur gently, "I am here, meleth nin." His voice held none of the fear or hesitation I had expected; it was warm, and full of love. "I will not leave you; I promise." I could hear the sincerity in his words. It was as if he could read my thoughts, but I knew it was impossible. Perhaps he knew me well enough to guess at what I was thinking.

After a little while, I settled down, and my breathing returned to normal. It was like there were no more tears left, so I just kept my face tucked into Elrohir's chest, and he was rocking me like a child; this brought me some embarrassment, but I tried to ignore it. Elladan's voice had quieted but he still held my hands, and I knew Candaith was close by. I wondered if anyone else had wandered over to investigate.

"I…I am sorry," I apologized quietly. "I am ashamed of myself."

"There is nothing to be ashamed of Gwin," Elrohir replied softly. "None of this is your fault."

I looked up at him again, and said, "Should I not be stronger than this? I have been to so many dark and terrible places, beyond imagining, but was never affected in such a way." I gestured around myself. "It isn't dark out whatsoever, and yet it still started to come over me once more." I sighed. "What has happened to me?"

Elrohir frowned, clearly thinking hard. Elladan chimed in with a suggestion, "I wonder if, in one of these places, some sort of spell or curse was placed upon you?"

The thought of this made my skin crawl, but I entertained the possibility and tried to determine where it could have happened. Dol Guldur? It was good guess; the enemies there were closely allied with the Nazgul, who were in contact with Sauron himself. Many evil artifacts adorned the interior, and I had spent a significant amount of time inside the cursed walls. Also…could it be from the dream I had in Ost Guruth? Where Sauron put his hands on my head? This was the theory I myself had entertained, but had not wanted to acknowledge.

"It is very possible," I heard Candaith say, and I realized I had spoken aloud. "Radagast seemed to think it could have been Sauron in your dream."

"Sauron?" Elladan asked, alarmed. "You had a dream about Sauron?" I realized I had not told the twins of it, not because I had meant to keep it from them, but because it had never crossed my mind to relate the dream to them. I hastened to explain it, and relayed what Radagast and Elrond thought.

"Hmm…" Elrohir said. "I wish we could speak to Nearadath (grandmother) Galadriel about this. She knows much about dreams."

"I should have brought it up with her when I was in Lothlorien," I mused. "It was very busy at that time, and I was focused on other things."

"Gwin, it sounds like you have many stories to tell," I heard Candaith say curiously.

I sighed, "Yes, Candaith, there is much I could tell you, but we do not have the time." I wondered if Candaith was frustrated with my continual refusal to tell him of my past. I gently extricated myself from Elrohir's arms and shakily stood. I glanced around, and noticed the others were still in the main camp, but I sensed they had observed at least some of what happened. I felt my face flush in embarrassment. How could I be a good leader when I fell apart like this?

"Would you like us to escort you to your tent so you can rest?" Elrohir asked. I considered it, but despite my exhaustion, my mind was whirling with many thoughts, and reverie would not come easily. The skies were clear and the breeze felt nice on my skin, although it was a little chilly.

"I…I think I would like to remain outside," I said quietly. "I will go get my cloak from my tent and…" I looked around me and could see the calm waters of the lake shimmering with the sunlight. Gesturing towards it, I continued, "I need some time to collect myself." I hoped my rambling was coherent. The twins nodded in unison, and Candaith gave me a small smile; I appreciated their understanding.

I had to walk across the camp to get to my tent, and kept my gaze down so I didn't have to see the looks on the others' faces. It was possible I was overreacting and making untrue assumptions about what they were thinking, but I didn't want to chance seeing something that would hurt me. Before I could make it to my tent, I felt a hand gently squeeze my shoulder, and I looked into the kind, grey eyes of Lothrandir. He had been a good friend to me since we met in Forochel, and I appreciated the support. There was compassion in his expression, and I smiled and nodded, letting him know that, if I needed him, I knew he was there for me. He let me go, and I continued on. I also realized I missed the quiet, comforting presence of Saeradan. He had been with me during one of the worst moments of my life, and I hoped we would see each other soon. Perhaps he would have let go of his guilt surrounding the cursed chest…it felt like those events had been an Age ago.

Moving the flap aside and ducking into the tent, I picked up the cloak I had been gifted in Lothlorien from the Lady herself. It was warm and soft, and had saved me twice from enemies when I used it to hide myself. I chuckled quietly when I recalled an incident with some goblins in the Misty Mountains.

I cursed as I burned my hand on the bubbling pot of some foul-smelling soup. Gloin, the father of Gimli, tasked me with creating some trouble in one of the larger goblin camps in the Northeastern Misty Mountains. It was situated outside of the main entrance of Goblintown, and the dwarves wanted to eliminate this camp in order to create their own; they hoped to gather enough strength to assault Goblintown itself. Such a campaign would be a great undertaking, but I was not to be a part of it; my job was to pave the way, so to speak.

Carefully, I tipped some black powder into the unidentified sludge. It wasn't ordinary explosive powder; this came from the dwarves in Hrimbarg, which was just south of my location. It reacted to the warmth of the liquid in the pot; I likely had ten or fifteen minutes to complete the job before the pots began to explode. Luckily, I had already reached six of the seven I needed.

Sneaking away quietly and taking advantage of the heavy cloud cover, I climbed up the rockface to the next tier; it would be faster and safer than trying to fight my way up the road. This was a stealth mission, and I didn't want to be seen. I spotted the final pot easily enough, and just after putting the final bits of powder inside, I heard the crass, guttural language of the goblins coming from behind me.

Whipping around, I swore quietly when I saw a large party of the gangly creatures walking towards me. I looked around wildly for somewhere to hide, but there was no time. Trying not to panic, I curled into a ball and made myself as small as possible before throwing my cloak over me. I was completely covered, and prayed to whoever was listening that it would work like the Lady Galadriel insisted. She said it would 'hide me from unfriendly eyes', which I hoped meant they would not see me!

As they approached, I was completely still and tried to breathe as shallow as I could. My heartbeat seemed much too loud, but the goblins walked right by me, as if I wasn't there. I wondered what they saw when they looked at me. A rock, perhaps? Once they were all far enough away, I slowly stood up. It was only a few more moments before I jumped at the sound of an explosion. I peered down and noticed the cauldrons were beginning to go up in flames. Huge balls of fire erupted, burning the shoddy wood scaffolding and poorly constructed walls and barricades.

The fire was spreading quickly, and I knew it was time to make my exit. I climbed to the very top level and followed the back path, which would lead me to the smaller settlement of Vindurhal. I would be safe there, and could then take a horse to Gloin's Camp before heading back to Imladris.

My work here was done.

I brought myself back to the present and threw my cloak about my shoulders. When I stepped outside once more, no one was waiting for me, and I felt a conflicting sense of both relief and disappointment. Part of me hoped Candaith would be nearby, but I did not spot him with a quick look around. Yet, I also craved solitude. Sighing, I trudged my way up the grassy incline and over to a group of huge trees with thick foliage. It was situated near the lake, and I slid down against the rough bark and pulled my cloak around myself. I was well-hidden, from both friends and enemies, and it made me feel a little isolated. You wanted alone time, so why are you upset about being alone? It was confusing.

I tried not to let the hurtful words of the foul voice from earlier get into my head, but it was no use. They crept into my thoughts and were difficult to shake. Evil. Traitor. Murderer. You cannot be trusted. The twins think you are a burden. You are worthless.

You do not deserve his love.

He will leave you…and you will be all alone.

He will leave you…

I fisted my hair in my hands, "He won't! He…he won't leave me…" I was speaking to no one, and felt like I was going crazy.

You will be all alone…like you are now.

I certainly felt alone, yet did not have the energy to get up and do something about it. I suddenly was very, very tired, all the way to my bones. I slumped down even further, almost to the ground, and wrapped my cloak even tighter around my body. Why had I decided to go off by myself? "I do not want to be alone," I whispered, my chest aching.

"Then don't be," a familiar voice replied, and I clumsily turned to see the concerned face of Candaith. He gave me a small smile before settling himself next to me. I just about threw myself into his arms, and he pulled me close. I was breathing fast and shaking, but with Candaith's help, I was able to breathe more normally after a time. "Meleth, what troubles you?" he murmured, his deep voice rumbling through his chest.

"I…I am not certain I have the words to adequately describe it," I admitted. I didn't want to tell him about the strange voice I had heard during my time with him and the twins earlier. I was embarrassed; only people losing their minds could hear voices that weren't really there…right?

"Try me," he insisted, undoing my messy braid and running his fingers through my hair.

"You will assume I am going mad," I countered.

"You know what they say about making assumptions," he said, a little humor in his voice.

I huffed a laugh, and took a deep breath. "When the darkness was trying to surround me earlier, I heard a foul voice in my head." I had expected him to stiffen or become alarmed, but he seemed totally relaxed as he continued stroking my hair. Gathering my courage, I continued, "It told me I was worthless, and untrustworthy. It said I was a burden, a-and a murderer." I took a shuddering breath, feeling tears gather in my eyes. "It whispered that you would leave me, and…and I would be all alone, and that you deserve better." I worked very hard to stop my tears from falling, but I could feel the sob caught in my throat. "Because you do deserve better," I choked.

"There is no one better than the Elleth in my arms," Candaith replied softly. He adjusted me so my ear was against his chest. "Do you hear my heart beating?" I nodded hesitantly. "It only beats for you, and no other." He then tipped my chin up so our eyes met. "You are not worthless; you are worth more than I can possibly say." His gaze was intense, and full of something powerful. Full of a promise. "As long as I draw breath, I will never leave you. You are the one I love, and no one else will ever take your place. It…it would be impossible."

Although I felt I should probably take some time to evaluate his full meaning, instead I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him into a fiery, almost desperate kiss. He deepened it, and rearranged our position so we were fully facing one another, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. I broke the kiss and put my forehead against his. He ran his fingers through my hair and we both took a moment to catch our breath.

"Gwin…I love you, so very much," he whispered, and it made me shiver in pleasure.

"Then show me," I replied huskily.

Candaith pulled back a little and our eyes met, and the look in his blue ones made my breath catch. "As my lady wishes," he murmured sensually, and our lips crashed together once more. His hands roved all over my body, and I gasped as he slipped them under my shirt to cup my breasts. He massaged them and I rocked my hips into his; his calloused fingers felt incredible on my sensitive skin.

Getting impatient, I slipped my shirt over my head and pulled off his, and I moved flush against him so our bare skin touched. Our tongues intwined and he ran his fingers up and down my back. He broke the kiss and moved his lips down my neck, and back up to my left ear, where he sucked gently. I bit back a moan with great effort, and raked my nails down Candaith's back, eliciting a groan of pleasure.

Gently, he laid me down in the soft grass, and after a lingering kiss, he moved his lips down to my right breast and took my nipple into his mouth. My back arched instinctively as he flicked it with his tongue, massaging the other breast with his right hand. His other one slowly ghosted down my body, to where I was aching for him most. He brushed his fingers against me, over the fabric of my trousers, and then moved them in slow circles with a little more pressure. The sensation was almost overwhelming, and I was so full of desire I felt like I was drowning in it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a tiny voice of reason was trying to interject with logic. I knew where our actions were leading to, but with Candaith, it would be more than just sex. I had slept with several Ellon in the past, but always casually. For an Elf who has met their 'mate', or rather the one they know in their heart they will love forever, making love led to bonding. It was something that affected the souls of both people, in a permanent way, and it was how Elves wed. I could try very hard not to treat this as such, but I knew in my heart, it would be almost impossible to resist bonding with him.

Although...I wasn't sure if an Elf could bond with a Man in such a way. Perhaps there would be no soul connection? The truth was, I didn't know what would happen.

If we did choose to wed someday, I didn't want it to be like this; hiding behind some trees where anyone could come upon us. Although I knew Candaith loved me, bonding wasn't something you did without discussing it first, and we had never broached the subject. I didn't even know if Candaith knew about it. However, his fingers were doing magical things after they dipped below my waistband, and it was difficult to concentrate on anything else.

Unfortunately, the voice of reason shoved its way forward, and I reluctantly grasped his wrist lightly and gasped, "C-Candaith, wait." I met his gaze and noted some confusion, but there was no hurt or annoyance. I sat up and again wrapped my legs around his hips and looked into his eyes. "We must stop before we go too far."

"I did not mean to go further than you were comfortable with," Candaith said, starting to apologize. I put a finger on his lips and he listened closely.

"I…" I began, and I took another deep breath before continuing, "I want to…make love to you, truly." I felt a blush on my cheeks. "It is just, well, I would prefer not to do so in this environment, and not before speaking about it further. There is more meaning behind it than you may realize."

"Hmm…" Candaith mused. "What kind of meaning?"

Before I could answer, I heard someone calling for me. My eyes widened as I recognized Elrohir's voice. Candaith couldn't hear him yet, but after noting my panicked expression, we speedily redressed and made ourselves look a little more presentable. I settled myself against his shoulder again, and he put his arm around me; it was comforting.

It was a little while before Elrohir came across us, or so I heard, because I had apparently fallen into reverie as I relaxed in Candaith's embrace. One of them must have carried me to my tent, and I rested without unpleasant dreams.

Whew, that was quite a whirlwind for Gwin! Are they finally getting to the truth of it? Is it a curse, and if so, who put it upon her, and where? Is Candaith frustrated with Gwin stopping things when she did, or is he just confused? The next update will be on Tuesday or Wednesday!

Thanks for reading, and write a review if you have a moment!