Difficult conversations and plans for the future are ahead. Read on to find out more!
Chapter 131It was determined Theoden would muster as many Rohirrim as he could before riding for Isengard to try and confront Saruman and his forces. It went against what I felt was the best course of action, but it was not up to me to decide what the King would decree. "If we can defeat his army before it can get very far into the Gap, we could save may lives. Or perhaps he could be reasoned with?" Aragorn mused. We were currently in Theodred's study, which he had let us borrow without asking any questions. The door was shut, which gave us a modicum of privacy, but we spoke with lowered voices, and switched to Sindarin.
"Reason has fled from him," I muttered darkly, "If he ever even had it."
"I doubt he was named 'Saruman the Wise' for nothing," Candaith countered, "But I agree, he seems to possess little of it these days."
Gandalf was staring across the plains as the sun slowly rose in the East, puffing away at his pipe. After a time, he turned to me and said, "When you were with Saruman last, what did you speak of?"
I shivered involuntarily, remembering the horror of looking into the Palantir, and facing the interrogation of both Sauron and Saruman. It had taken every bit of my strength to prevail, and even then, I still feared I had given too much away. Gandalf pulled me back from my musings when a gentle squeeze of my shoulder, "I am certain it must not have been easy." His lips quirked up in a small smile, and I appreciated the support.
"No, it was not," I murmured with a sigh. "Yet, I will tell you, if it can be of any use." Taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I began, "During both of my…conversations…with Saruman, he wanted to know why the Dunedain were riding South. I told him we rode to the aid of our Chieftain." At this, Aragorn's head perked up, a little worry in his eyes. "He does not know of you specifically, mellon nin," I assured him. "At least, he didn't the last time I saw him."
"Did he have any ideas?" Gandalf asked.
"I was unable to stop myself from alluding to our goal of riding South to aid Gondor," I whispered, my face flushing in shame. "It was like he was pulling the words out of my mouth…it is difficult to explain."
"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Gandalf insisted, clearly reading my expression. "His greatest power is in his voice and abilities of persuasion." He paused, and then asked, "Was there anything else he suspected?"
"He already had knowledge of our road, and that we had come from Imladris," I continued. "In Enedwaith, he spoke through the voice of another, warning Elladan to 'beware the Paths of the Dead'. How he knew we had planned to go that way, I cannot guess."
"But then he already suspected we would go to Gondor," Aragorn replied. "So in truth, you did not give him much information he did not already know."
"He seems to believe we mean to help the Steward," I said. "Due to his distant Numenorian bloodline, that the Dunedain share." In truth, we would be indirectly helping him by providing added forces to aid him in the coming battles, so he was technically correct. "He has not yet given you much thought, Aragorn, still being unaware the Heir of Isildur is alive and hale."
"So he knows little of our plans," Gandalf mused, sounding relieved, but this made my stomach drop as I remembered something.
"He knows a hobbit carries It," I whispered, but instead of the shocked reaction I expected, Gandalf simply nodded. "You do not seem surprised."
"Saruman attempted to capture the hobbits and take It from them, back on Amon Hen," he replied. "Luckily, Merry and Pippin managed to escape, and Frodo and Sam are far out of his reach." He eyed me closely again, "There is much you are not saying about your encounters with Saruman, I think."
I nodded, swallowing down my rising anxiety. "Nothing else would be of help to you."
Candaith wrapped an arm around my waist. 'You should tell him about the darkness, meleth nin. He may be able to banish it, with his power.'
'You think so?'
'I do. Pull him away and go speak with him privately, or bring the twins along. With three powerful individuals to aid you, you could finally be rid of it.'
'Very well.' I gave Candaith a little squeeze before interrupting Gandalf's next question with, "Can we speak privately?"
He raised his bushy eyebrows, but nodded as I made my way over to Elladan and Elrohir. "Come with me," I muttered, and they followed without question. Gandalf escorted us swiftly to his quarters and we all gathered inside as he shut the heavy, wooden door behind us.
"What is it, muinthel?" Elrohir asked curiously.
I laced my fingers together and tried not to fidget as I took in the sight of all three of them giving me concerned looks. "Gandalf, has anyone told you about the curse which was put upon me by Sauron several months ago?"
"A curse?" Gandalf asked, raising his bushy eyebrows. "What kind of curse?"
"One of darkness," Elladan interjected. "Which can be seen visibly at times, in swirling dark mists."
"Tell me how you came by this…curse, and perhaps I can help," the wizard said, somewhat skeptically, and I haltingly told him about my assault and the dream in Ost Guruth, skirting around any details I could manage, but I knew Gandalf could easily read between the lines. Elladan's knuckles were white as he gripped the material of his trousers tightly; hearing about my captivity with the Uruk brought back bad memories from when his mother was abused herself. Elrohir just looked pained, his jaw clenched tightly as he rubbed my back in gentle circles with his palm.
"Radagast was there, and he pulled me out of the nightmare. It was he who first suggested it could have been Sauron himself in the dream, and Lord Elrond agreed it was definitely a possibility," I squeezed my hands tightly, willing them to stop shaking. "There have been numerous instances where the darkness became a physical presence." I told Gandalf about the two times in Zudrugund, and the other times while we traveled through Dunland. "One of the worst times was after a trying encounter with an evil spirit in the Bonevales of Dunland. I almost…" I swallowed thickly. "I almost gave up, and let him win. I was just so tired of fighting, sick of the forces of darkness constantly pushing back against those of good. I just wanted it to be over." I swallowed thicky. "I even saw his face, or some visage he wished me to see. It was horrible."
Gandalf's eyes flicked up to Elladan and Elrohir's, and he clearly read the truth in my words. "It is good your brothers were there to aid you, my friend," he said gravely. "They have done well to protect you."
"We could not be there for her in Isengard," Elladan ground out, clearly frustrated. "Gwin, you said Saruman confirmed the darkness was that of Sauron?"
I nodded, "Yes, and when I looked into the Palantír-"
"You looked into the Palantír?" Gandalf said urgently. I nodded again. "Can you show me what you saw?"
I shifted uneasily, "If I must, but I warn you, it was not a pleasant experience." Gandalf seemed very concerned, so I locked eyes with him and pushed the painful memory forward. His face was very grave when we finished, "You did well to resist him…but what is this about facing Namo, and being offered a place in his Halls?" I felt a lead weight in my stomach as the twins rounded on me in confusion, and Gandalf seemed to realize they were unaware of this. "Ah, well if it is something you would rather not share-"
"Muinthel," Elrohir whispered, sounding pained. "What does he mean?"
This is one draining emotional experience after another. "I did not want you to know of this, for I overcame it and am doing much better now."
"Please," Elladan insisted, sounding a little choked up.
I ran a shaking hand through my hair, trying to prepare myself to tell them about the dream I had in Ergothorn's cave. It had seemed so hopeless then, like there was no point for me to keep being a burden to Candaith and the rest of them. I just wanted to find peace and have all the pain and suffering be over. I took another deep breath, and explained what happened, from start to finish. Elladan and Elrohir had taken my hands, and their knuckles were white with how tightly they were gripping my hands, but I didn't mind. Gandalf looked calm but saddened, and a curious light was in his eyes. "I think the curse played a part on how I was feeling during that time, especially while the dream was happening. I do not believe I ever would have chosen to die, but I am grateful to Namo for helping me make the right decision." With that, I heaved a sigh and slumped against Elrohir, unable to look into his or Elladan's faces for fear of the disappointment I would see.
"There are few who have encountered the Valar in dreams, at least since the Elder Days," Gandalf mused. "They must be keeping an eye on you."
"Are they really?" I asked dispiritedly. "I get into so many dangerous situations, and have gone through much pain and tragedy in my life…if they were looking out for me, why would I face such terrible things?"
"Think of all you have survived and accomplished," Gandalf continued, the familiar twinkle in his eye. "Not just anyone would be able to survive. I think it is a testament to you, as well as in my belief in the Valar providing you with some protection. You have chosen to be a defender of the Free Peoples, and to fight against the greatest evils of this Age. I do not believe the Valar take such things lightly."
"I thought they kept out of such matters now," Elladan muttered, clearly annoyed. "Why would they bother with simple Arda when they can be safely ensconced in Aman?" Gandalf's eyes narrowed, but Elladan plowed ahead, "Yes, she has survived countless brushes with death, but she was not always there by choice. She has suffered torments none should face. I cannot find it in myself to be particularly grateful to them."
Turning to face Elladan more fully, I placed a hand on his cheek and tried to encourage him, although I secretly did not fully believe my words. "Much of what I have been through is because of my own decisions. I would not wish for any higher power to tell me what to do, or stop me from doing what is right. If for some reason they have decided to help me along a little, I will not complain, but it is up to us to face this evil. We must save Middle Earth, at least in what ways we can, so there will be a future for those who will remain after we are gone." Whether that meant sailing to Aman, or fading after Candaith's death, I did not yet know. This was assuming we even would be victorious in the first place, but that was not something I wished to consider.
"Whatever the case may be, you are here with us, and safe," Gandalf declared. "At least, for now." I knew there were more battles to come, and I was not looking forward to more bloodshed.
"Gandalf, I was wondering…do you think you would be able to remove the curse?" I asked nervously. "You helped King Theoden, so I hoped you would know of a way to help me."
The wizard frowned, clearly thinking. "I am unsure how to go about it. If it is indeed one placed by Sauron, I do not know if I am powerful enough."
"But then no one is," I said helplessly. "Are you not a Maia as well?"
"In this form, I am not able to use my full scope of powers, due to the limitations put upon me. It may be that it will only be lifted when Sauron is destroyed, but I will do my best to help you," Gandalf promised. "Once I think of something, we may try."
"Thank you," I said sincerely, feeling a tiny spark of hope underneath the worry.
"Let us return to the others; the day draws on, and there is much to be done before setting off. Will you come with us, Gwinthilnel?" Gandalf asked.
The question stopped me short. "Where else would I be, if not with you and the rest of the warriors?"
"The Lady Eowyn will be remaining behind with a small force, to guard Edoras while we are away," Gandalf explained. "She would likely welcome your company, and strong defenders are needed both here and abroad, should we face battle."
It was certainly something to consider, but if Candaith was to join the main force, I would go with him. "I will think on it, and discuss it with Candaith and the other Dunedain," I said decisively. As much as I cared for the members of the Fellowship, I was not truly a part of it. I had chosen to dedicate myself to the mission of the Dunedain, and while we had completed our first main goal, the next stage was to continue South to aid Gondor. Yet, the situation in Rohan was dire, and helping defeat their enemies would potentially make them available to help in Gondor's battles. Everything was entwined, and deciding what to do next was difficult.
With that, the four of us made our way out into the brightening city. There was a little nip to the air, but I did not feel cold, as the sun was sure to shine brightly today. I wandered over to where the Dunedain had made a temporary camp in the upper tier of Edoras, waving to Halbarad as he came out of his tent. "Suilad, mellon nin," he said as greeting, "How do you fare this morning?"
I sighed, "It has already been a trying morning, but I am here to discuss our next steps." Candaith squeezed my hand as he made his way to my side, and I immediately felt a little better.
"Was Gandalf able to help you?" Candaith asked, and he looked saddened when I shook my head. "Will he not even try?"
"Once he thinks of something, he will attempt it," I assured him. "For now, I will just have to bear it, as difficult as that can be."
"You speak of the cursed darkness?" Halbarad clarified. "If anyone can help, it is Gandalf."
I shrugged and spoke the encouraging words Gandalf had used, "It is likely that once Sauron is defeated, the curse will be broken, and I will be free of it." The question of whether or not this was possible hung heavy in the air, but no one acknowledged it. We had to believe he could be conquered, or fighting on would be even more difficult than it already was. "Have you heard what King Theoden plans to do?"
Halbarad nodded, "He means to bring all who can wield a sword to battle Saruman's forces." The ranger looked uncharacteristically uneasy. "Something warns me of this course of action, but I cannot place it."
"The wizard's army is many thousands strong," I said bluntly. "I do not know if Theoden has enough riders to defeat them, especially in open battle."
"There is the fortress of Helm's Deep to consider," Aragorn chimed in, having made his way over. "It has saved them in the past, and the Deeping Wall of the Hornburg has never been breached." He smiled, "It is also the work of our people, in the Second Age."
"I should very much like to see such a legacy of our ancestors," Calenglad said a little dreamily. "I wonder how it compares to Annuminas, especially when it was fully intact and strong."
"The question is, should we join the Rohirrim in the battle to come?" Halbarad mused.
"I am sure every skilled warrior would be greatly appreciated," I interjected. "I have not counted the King's army, but I do not think it numbers as greatly as Saruman's. I wonder if there is a way to gather other Eoreds which are throughout Rohan quickly enough to be a part of this battle."
Aragorn shook his head, "Theoden means to ride out today as fast as he can manage. Perhaps fortune will favor him and he will come across another Eored in the Westfold." I explained that Elfhelm had an Eored that had peeled off from our group after the Battle at the Fords of Isen, but it was possible Grimbold's Camp and the Fords had been assailed once more since we had departed. "So you say Saruman's army is still close enough to attack the Rohirrim in the area and defeat them?"
"The camp is well-fortified and manned, but Saruman's army greatly outnumbers them and their defense of the Fords," I replied. "If Saruman's forces set out for Edoras, like I suspect they will, Grimbold's forces are right in the line of fire, along with any Riders nearby, including those of Helm's Deep." My mind conjured images of the camp in flames, and Rohirrim fleeing to Helm's Deep or Edoras as they were overwhelmed, and I shivered as it reminded me of the devastation in Edhelion I had barely lived through. I could almost feel the flames heating my skin as I ran to aid Elrond and Talagon…only to come too late.
I jumped as Candaith arm slid around my waist, and his touch brought me back to the present. Aragorn and Halbarad looked concerned, so I cleared my throat and changed the subject. "Will you join Theoden?"
Halbarad turned to Aragorn, "What do you plan to do?"
"I feel, as the future King of Gondor, that I should aid the King of Rohan in this fight. I will go to Isengard."
"And we will be joining you, mellon nin," a musical voice added, and I smiled as Legolas and Gimli flanked him on either side. "Where you go, we go."
Halbarad looked conflicted. On one hand, the goal of the mission had been to go South to Gondor and aid them in the coming battle. On the other, they also wished to follow Aragorn wherever he went. If he was going to fight Saruman, Halbarad would feel compelled to follow his Chieftain.
"Perhaps some of us should go, and others stay to protect Edoras?" I found myself saying, surprised at my words. "We have a large group, and if the great majority of Theoden's forces departs, it will leave Edoras with much less protection, should the enemy attempt to assail it in their absence." Truthfully, I was getting fatigued of battle. I felt like the entire past year I had spent fighting the enemy, losing comrades, getting injured, and killing countless foes, including orcs, men, and other foul creatures. Despite my thousand years in the Guard, it took a toll on my spirit to see the light leave the eyes of any creature, except perhaps the giant spiders of Mirkwood. I just wanted all the bloodshed to be in the past, but I knew there was much more to come.
"Hmm," Halbarad hummed. "You make a good argument. Aragorn, what do you think?"
However, Aragorn was not looking at Halbarad, for his concerned gaze was on me as he seemed to assess my very soul. I tried not to shift in discomfort, for I knew he was only trying to discern if I was all right, but it was a little unnerving and reminded me of how the twins would sometimes look at me. After what felt like forever but was only a few moments, he blinked twice and faced Halbarad. "I agree with Gwinthilnel. I will leave it to you to decide who should go and who should stay, but perhaps simply asking the group with a show of hands would suffice."
"Very well, I will do as you have said." Halbarad declared. "I will let you know more once I have asked the others." He and Calenglad made their way over to where the Dunedain were gathered, and I saw hands go up when he asked them who would ride with the Rohirrim. About two thirds of them chose to do so, while the rest, many of whom I noted I was close to, decided to stay here.
"Do you think I am a coward, for staying in Edoras?" I asked Candaith, my voice sounding small.
He turned me to face him and cupped my cheek while he pulled me close, stroking it with his thumb. "Of course not, I would never think that, meleth nin," he murmured, his blue eyes locked with mine. "You are the bravest, most courageous person I know." I dimly heard Gimli chuckle at the clearly romantic-looking interaction, and I found it lightened my spirit.
"I guess I will have to take your word for it," I replied softly, my lips quirking up in a smile as I felt a comforting rush of love in my soul. "Will you stay with me, or go with Aragorn?"
Candaith's brow furrowed, "Of course I will stay with you, Gwin. I do not wish to be parted from you again, unless I have no other choice." He smirked. "You tend to get into too much trouble without me."
I hit his shoulder lightly and smiled as he laughed, his eyes twinkling.
Wanted to end this admittedly heavy chapter with a more light-hearted tone. Gwin has gone through the ringer, having to explain things to the twins and Gandalf, and she has kept much to herself as she tries to shoulder all of her burdens. This course of action Gwin is taking is different than in the game, in some ways, so LOTRO fans please bear with me as I try a different direction! Thanks for reading!