The ghosts must have done something to the disclaimer that says I don't own any Ghosts characters. Probably Pete or Patience. No, more likely Pete. After the events of Sam's Dad the ghosts have…

Haunted Housemate Issues

"Where's Pete?" Trevor asked as he entered the living room where several other ghosts were.

"Pete's gone for a walk," Alberta told him. "He decided to check out and see if there are any ghosts nearby. Not the Farnsbys. The other way."

"Good," Sasappis let out a sigh. "I never thought I'd say this but I'm getting a little sick of Pete boasting about his power."

"I gotta agree with you on that," Trevor nodded. "I'm not saying the news he brings back isn't interesting. And it's several steps up from his knot lectures. It's just…Pete on a power kick? Weird."

Alberta added. "Pete thinks my power is lame! Lame? I'd like to see him project his voice so the living can hear!"

"We're all getting a little tired of Pete acting like the cock of the walk," Isaac admitted. "Ironically because he can walk away from the property."

"I used to be the one with the cool power," Trevor grumbled.

"I know how you feel!" Sasappis told him. "My power was so cool I didn't need to tell anyone! And when I did tell people I didn't brag about it every other minute to everyone!"

"You do have a cool power!" Trevor told him.

"So do you!" Sasappis replied. "Your power is amazing!"

"So is yours!" Trevor said. "I would love to go into people's dreams. Supermodels' dreams."

"I should try that," Sasappis realized. "But I would love to touch things even more. Even type in the number from the pizza place. You can order online by just typing."

"I should try that," Trevor realized. "We're in the cool powers club! It's just weird that Pete's in it."

"So weird," Sasappis nodded. "To be fair it could be worse."

"Yeah, it's not like we have Isaac's power," Trevor nodded.

"Definitely," Sasappis agreed.

"OH SURE!" Isaac shouted. "RUB IT IN!"

"At least you know what your power is!" Hetty bristled. "Other than myself, Pete was the only other one that didn't have a power! Technically I didn't know Sasappis' power either but at least he didn't rub it in my face!"

Alberta mused. "Where would you guys go if you could get away from Woodstone? Even if only for a few days."

"That's easy," Sasappis waved. "Pizza Hut."

"After seeing my parents and brother I'd go back to New York," Trevor admitted. "Look around where Lehman Brothers used to be. I mean odds are there's some ghost that knows me there. Or someone I used to know. I bet there's a couple of guys from back in the day that could be ghosts!"

"Like who?" Alberta asked.

Trevor thought a moment. "Oh, George Rothchild. He was one of the higher ups. Had a heart attack one afternoon. Apparently, some of his stocks tanked really badly and well…His ticker couldn't take it."

"Like your heart couldn't take all those drugs and alcohol," Sasappis quipped.

"We had a few guys that OD'd at some of our parties," Trevor admitted. "And a couple of strippers. And another guy that had a heart attack while a stripper was…You know?"

"Oh, dear lord," Isaac winced.

"I'm just saying I'd like to see if anybody I used to know is still there," Trevor remarked. "In spirit anyway."

"I'd go back home and see how my family is doing," Alberta admitted. "Or I could just go to New Orleans during Marti Gras. Yeah. I'll do that one."

"Paris," Hetty sighed. "I would travel to Paris. The city of lights."

"I'd go back to Woodstock," Flower sighed. "Groovy bands. Groovy times. I wonder if Jimmy Hendrix is still playing?"

Trevor rolled his eyes. "Probably. What about you Isaac?"

Isaac paused. "Well, I'd start in New York City obviously. Before travelling down to Washington DC. I'm sure I'd fit in well with my fellow founding father ghosts."

"Who knows?" Sasappis smirked. "You might meet up with the ghost of Alexander Hamilton there?"

"Nice try Sasappis," Isaac gave him a look. "I know you're goading me. Besides I know for a fact thanks to the Internet that Hamilton died in Greenwich Village which is part of New York City! Why do you think that's the first place I want to go?"

"Thorfinn would sail on the seas again," Thorfinn sighed. "See home country. Then go to Denmark and scare Danes!"

"Okay I didn't want to say anything Thorfinn," Isaac paused. "But you're getting a tad predictable."

Thorfinn looked at Isaac. "Yes, and taunting Hamilton totally out of character for Isaac!"

Flower spoke up again. "And I'd also see the Grateful Dead. I wonder if they remember me? I did take their tarp after all."

"The point is," Hetty decided to steer the conversation back. "We all have places we want to go."

Patience entered the room. "Are thine being idle and gossiping again?"

Trevor muttered to Sasappis. "And some of us have people we want to go."

Sasappis muttered back. "Now you know why we didn't look that hard for her when she got lost in the dirt."

"Yeah, got that," Trevor nodded.

"Patience, we're ghosts," Alberta told her. "We can't exactly do much else."

Isaac explained. "We were just talking about if we could leave the property like Pete where would like to go. Where would you like to go?"

Patience thought a moment. "Salem. To burn witches."

"Thorfinn wants to go burn Danes!" Thorfinn said excitedly. "Thorfinn and Patience have lots in common!"

Isaac winced and looked at Patience. "It's not a good thing if you have that in common."

"Patience understands," Patience winced. "Patience remember Thorfinn's murder stories. Didst not miss that in the ground."

"Patience…" Isaac said diplomatically. "Perhaps this is a good time to work on…some self-improvement. I'm working on being a better person. Perhaps you could do the same?"

"Self-improvement?" Patience scoffed. "Patience needs no self-improvement."

"Well, if you're so great how come you didn't get sucked off?" Alberta snapped.

Patience paused. "Alberta has a point. Patience must have done something wrong. But Patience does not know what. Perhaps Patience was not severe enough?"

"I don't think that was the problem Patience," Isaac groaned. "I mean you were kicked out of your colony for being too severe. Remember?"

Trevor spoke up. "Newsflash, when Puritans kick you out for being a buzzkill…That's not a good thing."

"Tis not Patience's' fault that sin ran rampant in that colony!" Patience snapped. "Like the Millers constant fornication!"

Sasappis looked at her. "They were married for over ten years and had seven children."

"Yes, they had seven children and they still fornicated," Patience explained. "Procreation is one thing but at some point, enough is enough!"

"Didn't you once criticize your leader's beard?" Isaac added.

"It was too long and too well groomed," Patience snapped. "All Patience did was tell him thus. And that his breath smelled too much of onions. And his mother should be burned for possibly being a witch."

Isaac winced. "That may have been a factor in your getting exiled. Just saying."

"What did happen to Patience's fellow Puritans?" Patience asked. "Patience heard colony changed and a lesser Protestant denomination formed. But that is all. Patience doesn't understand where others went."

Alberta looked at her. "You can't understand why a religion that forbade pretty much everything fun died out? Go figure."

Trevor explained. "According to the Internet the Puritans pretty much fizzled out by the year 1740. They split up and evolved into several different denominations."

Patience blinked. "You're telling me the Puritans just simply gave up and moved on?"

"Pretty much," Trevor told her. "Those that just didn't you know? Die."

"QUITTERS!" Patience shouted. "Patience knew it! Patience knew it! Patience could tell their devotion to the cause was waning even before Patience was banished. Patience knew it the minute they started to put off their monthly witch burnings! Schedule conflicts my eye! They just didn't want to do the work of chopping wood and cleaning up the ashes!"

"Plus weren't you running out of people to burn?" Sasappis asked.

"There's always someone to burn if you look hard enough!" Patience snapped. "As Patience left the village, Patience could hear the elders saying to the colony that it was allowed to say the word Whoopee just once! They all said it! THAT'S PROOF!"

"Yeah, proof that you were too much even for Puritans," Alberta said. "Girl you gotta loosen up a little!"

"Look where not having any fun got you," Sasappis pointed out. "You're a ghost. Obviously, it didn't work."

Patience paused. "Thoust are right Sasappis. Clearly there was a flaw in Patience's behavior somewhere. Was Patience not pure enough? Was Patience not strict enough?"

"You wanted to burn little girl for playing with doll," Thorfinn pointed out. "That too much even for Thorfinn."

"Of course," Patience let out a breath. "What was Patience thinking wanting to burn a child when clearly the parents were at fault?"

"Oy vey," Trevor groaned.

"A child goes bad when the parents go bad," Patience nodded. She looked at Hetty. "Case in point."

"EXCUSE ME?" Hetty snapped. "I did not teach my son to be a murderer!"

"He sure picked it up pretty quick on his own," Alberta said.

"Perhaps Patience was too proud of my piousness?" Patience paused. "Yes! Patience must have committed the sin of pride. To be fair Patience was the most devoted to the cause. Patience can't understand how the Lord could see fault in that."

"It's a mystery," Isaac sighed.

"Patience shall take a constitution outside to ponder her faults," Patience told them. "Patience missed the fresh air and sunshine underground. Do not be idle in Patience's absence." She turned and walked away.

"Who does she think she is giving us orders?" Hetty bristled.

"Yeah, that's your job," Sasappis pointed out.

"Precisely!" Hetty nodded.

"Okay this schtick is getting old," Trevor told the others. "She's scary and creepy and even more bossy than Hetty. Normally I'd find the bossiness attractive but not in her case!"

Isaac sighed. "She does have a tendency to…Force her ways on people."

"You mean the blood on the walls thing?" Alberta shuddered. "Very creepy."

Trevor looked at Isaac, Thorfin and Sasappis. "You three could have warned us about that."

"We forgot okay?" Sasappis told him. "To be fair it was a long time since she had done that."

"That explains some of the stains on the walls in Elias' room," Hetty frowned. "He said it was some kind of trick from competitors or bad wallpaper. He stopped having his dalliances in his room. And into the basement. Or simply out of the house."

"Even Patience didn't like going down into the basement," Sasappis remembered. "I don't think she has a problem with it now though."

"Look we need to give her time," Isaac told the others. "Perhaps she can change a little?"

"She didn't in the two hundred years after she died," Sasappis pointed out. "Before she was stuck underground. And she wasn't exactly Mrs. Reasonable then!"

"Remember?" Thorfinn pointed out. "How we all went into the woods every day to get away from Patience?"

"Vividly," Isaac winced. "I know I'm trying to be a good person. But I'm actually regretting letting her out of the dirt. Does that make me bad?"

"Not in this case," Alberta grumbled.

"No," Hetty shook her head at the same time. "No."

"She's judgmental, rude and overbearing," Alberta said. "And not in a fun way. When she found out I was a singer…I thought she was going to hit the roof! I almost hit her. Creepy little…"

"She's not going to get sucked off anytime soon, is she?" Trevor grumbled.

"Nope," Sasappis groaned. "Between Pete on a power kick and Patience using her powers…Didn't think our afterlives could suck anymore. I was wrong. So wrong."