Today was a day I never expected to come so soon. Today was a day I didn't expect at all to happen so soon. Today was a day I didn't expect… at all.

Today was my eldest sister's funeral. Today was my best friend's funeral. Yeah… I know, this is a tragedy. My older sister left us behind, our siblings and myself, her own son. But it wasn't her fault. It wasn't my best friend's fault either. It wasn't their fault life decided to make their, our, lives hard and take their lives. But they did it all for us.

All for us to survive the attack… She put her life on the line… risking the chance to make sure we lived. So, her son lived. My best friend, he did it for us, for her. The attack was from rogue vampires on La Push land. Land guarded by spirit warriors, shapeshifting wolves that could kill vampires. Shapeshifting wolves that changed our lives.

My best friend was one. He did this thing called imprinting, on my sister, he would've given up his life over and over again for her, for us. Anything she needed or wanted, anything she cared for, he never failed to make sure we were okay for her. At first, I had been bitter about it, my best friend, my only friend I had since moving here claiming my sister as the only person on that he could ever care for. I had been angry at him for months, years, but… he brought my sister back to life. He loved her.

That's all I have to say for that. He loved her. When she died, he felt it, he felt her soul die, he snapped, exploded like a metaphorical volcano. The spellbinding rage consumed him, tearing the vampires apart with a viciousness that scared me, shocked me. My best friend was always calm. Sincerely calm and optimistic, unbelievably kind and gentle for a male, but that was him, that was Seth Clearwater.

When had he laid down beside her limp body… I don't think I've ever heard him cry until that evening. Even if he had been in his wolf form, his massive sandy wolf form curled around her, waiting for her to wake up. Refusing for anyone or anything to get near her, just waiting for her to move, to breathe. She didn't move. She never took another breath than from the one where she vowed verbally to die for us. She vowed to make sure that she would be the only one harmed if she couldn't help it.

A protective older sister that never failed to put the lives of her siblings and child first, even though her life was just as important.

And when she didn't move and he had ascertained that she was truly dead, the Cullen's took her body from him and then he took off into the forest. The rest of pack following him.

I waited for him to come back. I waited to see if he was okay, if he was going to be okay. But he never came back. His mother came back, devastated as trudged up the walkway to the Chief of Police house where he had taken us to. The words that came out of her mother when she was at the doorway, hit me like a ton of bricks… He had killed himself, in severe guilty and shameful state of mind that even Jacobs alpha orders for him to calm down didn't work, he had blamed himself for not arriving sooner, he had blamed himself for her dying. That was the day I understood the severity of imprinting, how the death of a wolfs imprint can affect one, I never looked at imprinting the same.

I never looked at it the same because at first I thought it was just… a prank, the deepness to it seemed unrealistic but I witnessed that night. My eldest sister wasn't the only one who had been imprinted on, Kristen my twin was imprinted on, and Embry Call had succeeded in her survival and the rest of ours.

But today… today was hard, like any other day was hard. The guilt and shame for my anger towards them for years was daily and consistent, my anger had been childish and I never got to tell my sister again that I loved her. It should've been me. I should've shoved her out of the way, I should've done more.

I inhaled deep through my nostrils, the scent of the funeral home processing, squeezing the tiny hand of my nephew beside me. I turned my head away from the open caskets where Kristen and Embry just walked away from, Kristen was teary as she has been for the past several days since the attack.

"Uncle Jar," in his small voice he calls, I looked down at him, his blue eyes like his mother stuck me in the hair. "Are you okay?" Liam asks.

He's only five years old.

"I will be, bud." I replied back to him.

"If you would please take your seats…"

I hate this. I hate all of this. I had wished I never had to attend another funeral until I had a curved back and walking with a cane and my grandchildren causing chaos. But I was here with the rest of my siblings, the Quileute pack and their families, Seth's family.

As I sat down with Liam… I couldn't stop thinking about Makayla. I couldn't stop thinking about Seth. If there was anything that I could do, anything that I could do to make them rise from those caskets… my life would be complete. If there was any higher power above that overlooked the Earth, I prayed they listened to my plea and make miracles happen. I would do anything for a chance to tell Makayla that I loved her, that I was grateful for everything she had done for me, for all of us. I would do anything for a chance to spend the day with my best friend again.

As the service went on and the burials took place. I felt utterly empty by the time we all arrived at the memorial party. I stared down at the journals in my hand while I stood in Makayla's bedroom. Her journals. I remember all of these journals throughout these past four years. I opened one of the covers. As soon as I read the first date of the first entry.

I collapsed into the desk chair, the other journals clattering to the floor and onto the desk as the uncontrollable, soul wrenching sobs convulses my body.

10:34 pm. 26, Friday October, 2007

There was always one thing that was certain about in this life. I had always been certain my parents would live long lives. I had always been certain that my siblings and I would never be alone. I had always been certain that I would be able to begin college after high school and start a career.

But things didn't turn out that way. But everything changed the day I met Seth Clearwater. My brother, Jarrett, best boy friend.

My name is Makayla Ialman…