You'll Forgive Your Hasty Brother, Won't You?

by SmashBro37

Claus lived because Lucas forgave his every hasty mistake and brought both him and the world back with the Dark Dragon's power. But how is he supposed to forgive himself?

(Author's Note: Content warning for suicidal thoughts and other dark themes. This fic is set in an alternate continuity where Claus lives compared to my other Mother 3 fics so far, but his survival is the point where things diverge, so before that, the events in some of my other fics like 'Happy Birthday' before Lucas's 14th birthday and 'When Did You Become Such a Bitter Person?' and 'Wings of Icarus' before Claus's death still happened, but you don't need to read any of them before reading this, they can be read in any order.)

---

The first thing Claus saw in his new life was Lucas sobbing with joy despite all the dried blood and bruises and burns on him and his striped shirt and fancy cloak torn up all over. The second thing he saw was the beautiful view of space above him thanks to the Dark Dragon he was laying on having flown beyond the stratosphere. He shouldn't have been able to take another breath after his last, but somehow, he did. The Dark Dragon's magic went beyond all logic creating hope where there should have been none, for him and for the planet far beneath him. He could barely move a muscle, but he saw through its eyes the dismal state of the world so much larger than the Nowhere Islands, how it was covered in vast unnatural deserts and clouds of nuclear ash. Only a miracle had spared Nowhere from the cataclysms caused by the Dragon's awakening. He could feel her mourning the world that was lost and sense how she wanted to not only save Nowhere's small slice of paradise, but spread it to the rest of the world and give everything a second chance.

...Even him?

Even though if he'd pulled that final Needle, he might've doomed the entire planet by projecting his feelings onto it, feeling like death was the only way out of his misery? He still felt like that, so how was he alive? Hadn't he decided to...

It was all too much to process. It all felt like a dream, everything muddled in a haze where he couldn't quite remember.

"L-Lucas..." He said in a weak voice, trying to focus only on him. "I'm so sorry." It was a struggle just to sit up, but Lucas held him in his arms. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have gone after the Drago...I shouldn't have worked for Porky..."

"It's not your fault, he forced you to." Lucas's voice was so gentle. It always had been, but not like this: Lucas used to be meek, cowardly even, the anxious mess to be soothed instead of the one doing the soothing. That was Mom's thing.

"I still did it, and he didn't make me go after the Drago..."

"Yeah, but that's not fair! You didn't know goin' after the Drago would get you turned into Porky's robot!" Lucas couldn't hold back his sobs for long.

"I knew it would hurt your feelings! He didn't make me say you'd only get in the way!" Claus said through sniffles. Whatever miracle revived him must have healed his lightning-scorched lungs enough that he could cry his throat hoarse again. "I should've known I was too weak to kill the Drago! I should've known I'd just make you miss me!" It had been three years even though it didn't feel like it. Only now did the pieces start to come together, how Lucas must have mourned him all this time. What had he done? "It doesn't matter if I couldn't remember, I still pulled those needles and k-killed those people, I could've destroyed the world, and I hurt you and Boney and your friends! That's why I killed myself, I deserved it!" He kept crying into Lucas's shoulder. "I don't get it...why am I still here? How did you save me? Why?"

"Because I love you." He said like it was so obvious, like not even all the horrible things he'd done could change it or make him hesitate to forgive him for a second.

"Oh..." Claus said. Part of him wanted to argue and say how much he didn't deserve it, but wouldn't that just be hurting him more? He was too tired to talk much longer, everything was fading out again... "I love you too..."

He closed his eyes and rested his head on Lucas's shoulder. Claus remembered Lucas's smell. Lucas was supposed to smell like sunflowers and wool and Boney's fur, not blood and burnt cloth and teenage body odor and a Stinkbug in his pocket, and his own body reeked of scorched metal and flesh and chemicals despite how both his body and all his cyborg parts were miraculously repaired, his CPU baffled at every diagnostic passed. It didn't feel the way it should have, but Lucas was still alive and tangible, and somehow, so was he. Lucas stroked his hair gently just the way Mom did...

Lucas felt so warm.

...

---

"We're back, Dad!" Claus tackled Dad in a hug when they got home from Grandpa's cabin, and Lucas soon joined him.

"Sorry it took us so long...it rained real bad on the way back, so we had to hide under some trees for a while." Lucas said.

"And Luke was so scared he kept cryin' about it." Claus teased.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Now, now, Claus, don't be mean." Mom said. "It was reasonable for him to be worried we'd get cold from being rained on. I should've waited until tomorrow, I didn't think the storm would come on so quickly."

"Okay, mom..." Claus said.

"I thought the lightning might start a fire too..." Lucas said.

Claus shuddered.

"What's wrong, Claus?" Dad said. He must have noticed how he was tearing up for some reason he couldn't explain.

"Nothing, I just got this weird feelin' something bad happened..."

"Well, it didn't. We all made it home safely, and that's what matters." Mom said.

Claus hugged her again.

---

The nightmare of reality returned when he opened his eyes again, this time to the dim lights of a hospital room in what was left of New Pork City. They would've been brighter, but only the reserve power was left after the earthquakes left the electrical grid in tatters. Even his prosthetic eye was able to tear up since the tear ducts were still intact. There were machines and computers and a monitor with his vital signs, medical supplies, an IV hooked up to him, and Lucas and Dr. Andonuts were standing a little bit away, Lucas having bags under his eyes. The ECG flatlined, his prosthetic heart making blood flow at a steady rate instead of contracting like a normal one. Lucas seemed spooked even though he wasn't used to technology like Claus was as the commander. He shouldn't have known what it meant, but even the sound was ominous, and Lucas always seemed to know what he was thinking even before he awakened his PSI. He wasn't wearing his cloak, helmet, jetpack, sword, or cannon anymore, only a hospital gown.

"You're awake! Thank god you're okay, I was so worried!" The way his face lit up with joy made Claus think he'd never appreciated that smile enough. For three years, he'd forgotten all about him, so he hadn't even been able to miss him like he should've. Instead, there had only been this hollow ache in his chest.

"Lucas..? What happened..."

"I thought you were...gone, but the Dark Dragon helped me heal you. Everything's gonna be okay."

Everything? Even if Lucas was fine, what about Boney and his friends and-

"What about Dad, is he okay?! I hurt him so bad, what if he..." Claus went pale and looked at his own mechanical right arm with disgust. No, it wasn't his, he hadn't asked for all these machines to be made part of him like the Drago that killed Mom but he couldn't escape it. Even if he tore the arm off, it was in his eye, his heart, even his brain! He felt sick.

"He's okay, don't worry!" Dad was okay? Instantly a crushing weight was lifted off him, but there was still too much even without that. "Dad's still hurt, but he'll get better. He's in one of the other rooms and Kuma is making sure he's okay, she can heal him if anything goes wrong." Lucas said. "Boney and Duster and Kuma are fine too."

"Don't get up!" Dr. Andonuts said when he sat up before he could get out of the bed and tear out the IV by accident. Again. Faint memories were coming back through the haze of the time after he'd first been operated on three years ago. "Please, you can't move until we're sure you're stable. Your father will be fine, I can promise you that."

"I still hurt him...I'm still a monster..."

"It wasn't your fault, I know you didn't want to do that..." Lucas said trying to hold his shaking left hand and soothe him, but he pulled it away. His still intact hand had been just as treacherous slicing and stabbing at Lucas with that sword over and over.

"It doesn't matter! I can't be trusted with all this metal stuff in me making me a monster, so get it out!" He held down his right arm with his left, not that it would do any good if he went back to that cold emotionless state. "Please..." He wasn't supposed to be the scared one. These turned tables weren't right.

"There's nothing to fear: I ran a full diagnostic while you were asleep, and none of your cybernetics are keeping you under Porky's sway anymore." Dr. Andonuts said. "The strange thing is that the code that's meant to control your behavior was still active, yet it no longer had any effect! It must have something to do with your PSI keeping anything from overriding your free will. Or perhaps it was a design flaw, and it was never as capable of controlling the human brain as we thought in the first place? Regardless, I deactivated it just to be safe."

"Huh?" Even after three years as the commander, most of what he said about science still went over his head. "You mean you think it won't make me hurt anyone anymore? But what if you're wrong?"

"Trust me, I'm not wrong. I know how your programming works because I'm the one who designed it in the first place."

"It was you...I remember now, before you made me a robot, you said I'd get better soon and you'd help me find my family, why'd you lie to me?! Why'd you turn me into a freak and make me hurt him?!"

His left arm crackled with static and he glared but Lucas grabbed his hand. "Don't hurt him!" A PSI Shield appeared around Dr. Andonuts.

"AH!" Instantly he flinched back and cringed away in shame at the slightest static shock to his brother, and the sparks faded. There was no badge on that tattered shirt to protect him anymore, as if he'd intentionally torn it off after what happened. He was alive now, but before he managed to bring him back Lucas must've thought he died because he wore it...what had he done..."I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I-"

"It's okay, Claus, just calm down...he already told me what he did while you were asleep, Claus, and I'm mad too, but Porky forced him to, and he's the only one who can make sure you get better." He sounded so bitter and resigned to it like the same argument had had to be made to him earlier. The PSI he was having so much trouble controlling with his aching head even picked up a few stray thoughts and emotions from Dr. Andonuts who cringed remembering that conversation and how angry Lucas had been to the point of nearly attacking him. But Lucas was nicer than him, he'd never have it in him to hurt someone even if they deserved it.

Right?

But that wasn't what the Commander remembered. Lucas had had to fight a lot of Pigmasks and Chimeras over the course of his journey, even if he was always merciful. Lucas had beaten him once, and had only been losing the second time because he wouldn't fight back, even though Lucas was alone that time...and after he hurt Dad and Lucas finally fought back with PK Love...

Was some part of him still scared of him? Claus frowned, he had no right to feel that when he deserved every bit of pain Lucas caused him in self defense and more.

"Yes, like he said, I never wanted to make you Porky's puppet, I only wanted to save your life with the heart surgery. But that isn't a good enough excuse...I wasn't controlled the way that you were, I still could've chosen to disobey Porky. Whatever consequences that brought me should've been less important than your life, so I'll accept any punishment I'm given for this and my other crimes. But, if I'm allowed to live, I'd like to spend however few years I have left trying to make up for what I've done. I wouldn't say I'm the only one who can make sure you get better, though...I just don't know if any of the other scientists would be as effective, since they haven't worked with your cybernetics as closely as I have. But it shouldn't be up to me. I can't express enough how sorry I am..."

"If he was really such a bad person, he wouldn't be sorry. I know he means it and he's not just saying it so we'll show him mercy." Lucas said, and Claus could tell too.

"I still don't like it...he should've been sorry before he made the Drago kill Mom instead of after." Dr. Andonuts thought something about how that particular Chimera technically wasn't him directly, but didn't voice that thought aloud, since he knew it was still his fault another way with how he invented Chimera science overall, even if he was too old and feeble to reconstruct such a big animal himself. "But you think we should let him live, right?"

"Yeah." Lucas said without hesitation.

"Then let's do that. I always end up doing the wrong thing now, I'm so stupid..." To think he'd once felt so sure of himself what felt like three years and also a blink of an eye ago.

"You didn't have a choice doing bad things, it was 'cause-"

"I already told you he didn't make me go after the Drago. I should've known that was stupid, you knew and I didn't listen to you, and I left you behind...you must've been so lonely for three whole years..." It was hard to imagine how Lucas coped. But he wasn't the way he was when he was ten anymore, and maybe this was why. Claus left him no choice but to grow up too fast.

"No, that's my fault, not yours, I should've told all the grownups sooner how you went to Drago Plateau!"

"But I told you to keep it a secret."

"Then I shouldn't have listened! I told Grandpa, but once he found out, Dad couldn't catch up to you in time...maybe he coulda if I said somethin' right away!"

"You don't know that for sure!"

"Yeah, but-"

"You're both wrong!" Kumatora said barging through the door. "It isn't either of your faults. Lucas already told me all about this a while ago, and he kept blaming himself, but I didn't know you'd do the same thing." She knew? All this time, Lucas had shared stories of him with his new friends? "Sure, you could've done something different, but you were only ten! You didn't even get any sleep that night, no wonder you were being dumb. Give yourselves a break."

"Then I should've slept more so I wouldn't be stupid!" Claus said.

"How the hell could anyone get a good nights' sleep after that? Besides, you know who should've been smart? All the adults in your village! Any of them could've kept an eye on you two, but nobody did..."

"Dad couldn't do that since he was in jail!" Claus said.

"Then he shouldn't have gotten himself thrown in there in the first place."

"You'd be mad too if it happened to you!" Claus blurted out.

"You think I'm not? You think it hasn't?" She said with a voice straining to stay composed at the limits of her sanity after the longest and most painful day of her life.

"Oh..." Claus shuddered as it hit him. "You mean the Magifolk, Grandpa said they raised you, and I pulled their Needles! I killed them..." He said with horror. "Just like the Drago killed Mom..." He was the monster now. "Fuck, I'm so sorry! If you want revenge, I get it, I won't st-"

"Fuck no, stop right there, I'm the one who should be sorry! Shit! I'm not mad at you, just Locria, Porky, everything really! I'm mad Mo-I'm mad Ionia died, but it's not your fault Porky made you do that, and it's not Lucas's for pulling the rest either, okay? Calm down, kiddo, and don't even think about hurting yourself again."

"Fine, but who's Locria?" He'd never heard that name before.

"He never told you who he used to be? That's just like him. He's going by Fassad, now, or he was, now he's dead. Serves him right, he was a traitor who told Porky everything he knows about the Needles and the Dark Dragon...I guess you never asked Porky how he knew, huh?"

"Master Porky doesn't like people questioning his authority." He said on reflex in a monotone voice. "I mean, just Porky, he's not my master, fuck!"

"I thought you said you got rid of all that brainwashing shit in his head!" Kumatora glared at Dr. Andonuts.

"I did, but this isn't that, it's just a force of habit!" Dr. Andonuts said. "I wish I could make him-" He said, then looked at Claus to avoid talking like he wasn't there. "I mean, you, forget every trauma you went through, but amnesia has caused you enough trouble already. It'll take time for you to get over how you've been trained to act, but nothing's forcing you to obey anymore..."

"Really?" Claus said looking at his right arm wondering if it could be trusted.

"Yeah...it's okay, Claus, he can't hurt you anymore..." Lucas tried to say in the same soothing tones as Mom.

"What the fuck did Porky do to you..." Kumatora said. "God, you look just like Lucas, and if this happened to him, I'd...I don't know..." Probably go nuts and fry every Pigmask in sight with her fire, ice, and lightning, given the look on her face. Lucas had made some good friends, hadn't he? He didn't know Lucas could do that without him.

"I could tell you more, but it's been three years, so it would take too long to explain everything." Dr. Andonuts said. "Suffice to say, Claus was not treated anywhere near ethically, despite how much I tried to help. I don't think recounting all those details would help right now..."

"Yeah, you're right." Kumatora sighed.

"Wait, if you're here, is Dad okay?" Claus said.

"Don't worry, Duster's still keeping an eye on him, and he's stable right now." Kumatora said. "I came here since I noticed you waking up with my PSI and wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Oh...thanks..."

Then as things calmed down, he realized something from earlier. "Wait, if I could be brought back, why couldn't the Magifolk be? Why couldn't Mom be? ...Did you bring her back, Luke?" He said clinging to the faintest hope. Lucas would've told him by now if he had done that. But he hadn't said he couldn't.

"I'm sorry...I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't, she was gone for too long! I wanted to bring back Kuma's parents too, but I couldn't do that either, even though Ionia only d...disappeared earlier today. I'm sorry...I tried so hard...was my heart not good enough? They said if someone with a good heart-"

"Kiddo, I haven't met anyone with a kinder heart than you." Kumatora said.

"Yeah, she's right...except Mom, maybe, but I think you're tied. If you tried your best and it didn't work, that just means it can't be done, okay?" He sniffled. "It's not your fault Mom can't come back..."

He held it in a little longer, but soon both of them were sobbing messes again. Whatever dam they'd put in his head clearly hadn't been built to last. Then again, besides the Capsule, what had Porky made that was?

Lucas hugged Claus again while Claus was sitting up on the hospital bed. Like before, he clung to Lucas for dear life, desperate to feel his warmth, but this time, he wasn't hanging on to consciousness by a thread. This time he could feel Lucas holding onto him the same way he did when he was still his ten year old crybaby self the day Mom died when they were at her grave, like he might slip away any moment. Like he already had, once. Twice. But only his left arm could feel Lucas's warmth, the right felt nothing at all, and somehow trembled despite that. All those calculations and memories ran through his head somewhere far in the background, just without the compulsion. Damage reports. Diagnostics. Threat level. Potential injuries from point blank PK Love. If he listened, he could still hear it.

"Get away from me!" He pulled his right arm back suddenly and Lucas startled back. "I'm sorry, it's not your fault, it's just, I can still hear it in my head! The other me, the Commander, the programming, whatever you call it! What if I hurt you again?!"

"You won't hurt me, Claus, I trust you." Lucas said. "I could hear it too, a little...I don't think anything's controllin' you. It felt more like...I don't know...like you were scared." He said with a frown. "'Cuz when you were the Commander, you didn't remember me, you were just taught I was dangerous, and I hurt you, so you musta been scared...I'm sorry..."

"You only hurt me in self defense, I started it, I was the bad guy! That's why all this robot stuff has to go!" He looked at Dr. Andonuts. "Please, you have to get it out of me...all of it..."

"I already told you you aren't under anything's control anymore, but if it's really what you want, I could remove at least some of your cybernetics...but I can only remove the right arm and left eye at most, and losing either one alone would be quite the handicap. The eye in particular would be a delicate procedure I don't have the equipment for here, and while you may be able to get a heart transplant someday, there's no chance you could live without the cybernetic left hemisphere of your brain."

"I don't care, get rid of it any-"

The way Lucas flinched broke his heart all over again.

"way..." The rest of the word got out of his mouth, but in such a tone it was obvious he no longer meant it. He remembered Lucas's look when he'd done it. Deer in the headlights. Clawing at his Franklin Badge split seconds too late for the flash of lightning rebounding. Voice screaming out for him to stop. He'd never been a good listener. Then, the way Lucas sobbed into his shoulder when he tried to get out the right last words. He'd apologized to him and Dad, tried to make everything right before passing on in peace. But in those last moments, a pang of guilt twisted up his stomach. Being with Mom again was all he wanted, but how could he ever be at peace when Lucas was looking at him like that, when he was leaving him behind again? So he'd tried one last time to comfort him and tell him he was sure they'd meet again.

He hadn't been ready for his hastily spoken words to be proven right so soon.

"Claus, I...I don't want to remind you, but I need to know you won't do it again...so can you tell me why you did?" Lucas looked so tired with those purple bags under his eyes. How long had he stayed up waiting for Claus to wake up?

"I already said, it was 'cause I did all those bad things so I deserved-I felt like I deserved it." But Lucas didn't think so. Mom didn't think so. When had Mom ever been wrong? That was what he'd thought in those last few moments before he gave his final breath, when he tried to tell Lucas they'd meet again.

"But Porky forced you to do most of it, and you only went after the Drago 'cuz you didn't know any better."

"Yeah, but it wasn't just that! I was scared I'd hurt you! I did hurt you! And I could've k-killed you..."

"But I was ready to get hurt to get ya back, and it worked! Mom got through to you, then you weren't under Porky's control anymore, you were you again, and then you just..." 'Threw it away' echoed in his brain.

"I didn't know it would stick. I thought I'd go back to hurting you again. I didn't trust myself, I still don't...but I guess that was stupid too." Claus said with a frown averting his gaze. "I'm sorry...I just wanted to see Mom again. I know you're saying all the stuff I did isn't my fault, but I still did it, so how am I supposed to just live with that? And when I was myself again, I did something stupid again!"

"It's okay, Claus, I forgive you. It wasn't...okay, I won't say it wasn't stupid, but it wasn't your fault! Sometimes I don't trust myself either, and you were scared and hurt and you didn't know any better! I should've done something to stop you!"

"No way, kiddo, don't get started on that again!" Kumatora said. "You did everything you could, alright? It's not your fault you couldn't stop him from hurting himself...hell, I couldn't stop him and I'm an actual adult, so if you wanna blame someone, blame me! I couldn't even stop his lightning and help you in the fight..." She said bitterly.

"But that's not-" Lucas said.

"You better not keep kicking yourself either, cuz if even I keep fucking up, then no wonder you couldn't hold it together." She interrupted now looking at Claus. "If I went through all this shit five years ago, I doubt I could either."

"Then how am I supposed to keep goin'-I mean going!" He corrected himself out of his accent into that monotone and reflexively cringed. Porky didn't like the southern accent that reminded him of his mom's side of the family.

"What the fuck did Porky do to you..." Kumatora said clenching her fists.

"It's okay, Claus, you can talk how ya want." Lucas said, his voice shaky with his own suppressed anger. "I know it ain't easy to keep going after all this, it was hard for me livin' without you and Mom, and I know you've been through way worse, but now you got us. We can help you. You gotta believe things can get better...I know it's hard, but please...I can't lose you again. Can you promise you won't hurt yourself again?" He sat on the bed next to him and offered out his left pinky like they were ten again and hadn't been too old for this even then.

"But I break all my promises! I promised I'd always protect you, but I abandoned you. I promised I'd avenge Mom, and I just hurt you more." He would've been blinking back tears if his eyes weren't already dry.

"That's okay...you tried your best, and you don't have to protect me or fight anyone no more." He was right, now he was the one strong enough he didn't need to be protected. Now Claus was the weak one instead. Maybe he always had been weak and it just took until a real crisis came to prove it.

"But how am I supposed to make up for everything I did wrong? Even if it's not my fault what I did when Porky was controlling me, what about when I went after the Drago or when I...died?"

"You don't have to do anythin' to make it up to me, just havin' you back's all I need to be happy." Lucas said with a smile. "Actually...I think you already did somethin'."

"Huh?"

"I know why you're the only one I could bring back." He said, more sadly thoughtful now. "It's because you gave your heart to the Dragon too, that's why she could save you. The Magifolk said whoever passes their heart onto the Dark Dragon by pulling the Needles would remake the world, right? I know they said it's whoever pulls the majority, but...well, I know deep down you never really wanted to destroy the world or give it all to Porky, even when that brainwashin' had you acting weird. So I think it's 'cause somewhere in there, you knew you didn't deserve what you did to yourself, you knew you deserved to live."

With every word the fog in his head since waking up cleared. "No, that's not quite right...I really did wanna die, or else I never woulda done it, but...when I was talking to you, it felt so awful hearing you cry your guts out...I just couldn't take it. I couldn't take living anymore, I wanted to see Mom again, but I didn't wanna leave you behind either! I didn't know what to do! So I tried to make you feel better and said we'd meet again, then I...died...and then..."

---

Claus looked down at his own body which Lucas still held and cried over. "I'm sorry..." He said one last time, but Lucas couldn't hear him. Then he looked up and saw Mom floating up and ahead of him.

"MOM!" He flew at her like he did in his dreams and tackled her with a hug, feeling her tangibly for the first time in what felt like both three long years and only a few heartbreaking days. He let himself cry into her shoulder the same way Lucas would, giving up all his past facades of strength. "I missed you so much! I love you! I'm sorry I didn't say it enough when you were alive! I love you I love you I love you!"

"I love you too, Claus." She said gently ruffling his hair. "But I wish you hadn't done somethin' so reckless. You're still so young, you should've had a long life ahead of you just like Lucas."

"You weren't an old lady, Mom, you shoulda lived a long time too! It's not fair, I can't take being without you..."

"I know it's not fair, and I'm sorry I couldn't stay alive...but you can still have a second chance. Since you only just passed away, and because you passed your heart on to her too, the Dark Dragon can bring you back once Lucas wakes her up. But it will only work if you want it to."

"Then she should bring you back too!"

"I'm sorry, but she can't...I've been gone too long, and I wasn't the one to pull the Needles. It's time for me to pass on."

"That's not fair! How do you know that for sure, anyways?!"

"I could use PSI too when I was alive, but I gave up that power when I sealed everyone's memories of the old world in the Egg of Light. I only regained my memories and power just before I passed away. That's why I can sense it from the Dark Dragon."

"Huh?"

"You wouldn't know, I'm sorry...back then I feared it may have been a mistake to hide all those secrets and leave our children with no one to tell them about the past once they were born. You'll have to ask Leder once you return. Maybe if I hadn't forgotten, some of this tragedy wouldn't have happened...I'm so sorry."

"I don't get it, Mom, you're confusing me! Please don't be sad! Don't make me leave you!"

"I won't force you to, but please listen...you deserve a second chance, and you deserve to be with your brother again."

"Oh...Luke..." Claus looked back at Lucas who had laid his body to rest. It wasn't right..."I don't wanna make him sad...but that's not fair, I can't pick between him and you!"

"I know it's not, I'm so sorry. But I promise you'll see me again someday...so go to him now, and live the life you deserve, and after that we can meet again."

"I can't..."

He spent the time until Lucas pulled the Needle agonizing over the choice. He had to believe this was the right thing to do, that he could really live a happy life somehow without her.

"It's okay, Claus. No matter what you choose, I love you, and I won't judge you."

"Th-thanks, Mom...but Luke always says you're never wrong. I should go, right?"

"Yes, you should."

All it took was a leap of faith.

"I love you, Mom..."

"I love you too."

Then everything went dark.

---

"I saw Mom again, Luke! I coulda stayed with her, b-but she t-told me not to! She told me to come back to life, and she said she couldn't come with me since she's been gone too long...so I did what she said, 'cuz Mom's never wrong..." He wanted to cry, but his eyes were already dry and his voice was already hoarse. "I wish I didn't, though, I wish I was still with her! I know that's wrong, I know I did the right thing, but I can't help it!"

"It's okay, Claus, I'd feel that way too if it was me." Lucas still managed to tear up a little. Did his eyes get dry slower, or had he been the one to cry less for once?

"Yeah, kiddo, same...god..."

"Was that really her? Or was I just imagining stuff while I was dying?"

"I don't know for sure...but I think it really was Mom." Lucas said with a sad smile. "If you were just dreaming about her, she wouldn't have been able to tell you about how the villagers lost their memories, since you didn't know that. Grandpa and Alec said they heard her in their dreams once, too, telling them to put some hay right under where me and Boney were gonna fall from the airship."

"They did?!"

"Yeah...I can hardly believe it myself, but that's what they said, and that's where we fell."

"Does that mean Mom could see the future? Porky said there were some psychics who could do that in the past, but it's really rare, and they can't control what they see..."

"I don't know, I wish we could ask her...wait, we could ask Dad or Grandpa once they remember! She would've had those powers in the past before everyone forgot too."

"But why did they forget everything? I think I heard something about it from Porky once, he said the Egg of Light was important because the villagers used it to wipe their memories, but I don't remember the details..."

"Don't worry about that right now. I'll tell you later what Leder told me, or you can ask him yourself once you're better." Lucas said.

"But Leder's mute."

"About that...that's not true, us thinkin' that was actually just his way of keepin' a lot of secrets. I'll tell you later, okay?"

"Okay, fine..."

"I know you're sorry 'bout everything, but you don't have to do anything more to make up for it right now, you already went and came back to life, and that must've been hard enough. I just wish you hadn't had to be brought back in the first place. I know it was hard, but I wish you'd trusted yourself, and I wish you'd..." Lucas trailed off with a frown.

"Wish I'd what?"

"Never mind, forget it..." What was Lucas hiding? Despite both their psychic potentials being unlocked, he could tell far less of what his twin was thinking now. It was uncanny. Lucas had always been an open book, unable to lie even to the non-telepathic, and they'd never been able to hide anything from each other for long until becoming the Commander put up all these walls between them. Those had been torn down the moment the floodgates opened, so what was this? Was it because Lucas was different? Or was he the one who had changed? "Just promise me you won't hurt yourself again..." Lucas said offering his left pinky again.

When they were little, they did pinky swears with their right hands, but Lucas must've guessed he wouldn't want to use his prosthetic...

"...Okay, I promise." Claus accepted it and shook his pinky. Cross his heart and hope to die...except he'd already done that, hadn't he?

"Thank ya..." Lucas looked so relieved like a huge weight was taken off his shoulders. It must have been hard bearing the weight of the entire world and his stupid older brother at the same time. Since when had Lucas been capable of this..."I'm so glad." Lucas gave him a hug and rested his head on his left shoulder, or the right from Lucas's perspective. The one without any metal bits where it met the arm. "I know things seem hard, and there's a lot of bad things in the world, but I think everything's gonna be okay...call me a Pollyana if ya want, hah..." One of Mom's old songs...

"I hope you're right, Luke..."

Much as he appreciated it, when was Lucas gonna break off the hug?

"Uh, Luke?" Then he realized. "Oh...you're asleep."

"I can't believe he stayed up this long." Kumatora said.

"So what do we do? I'd hate to disturb the poor boy's slumber, but someone has to move him."

"Oh, don't worry, he won't wake up anytime soon. Guy sleeps like a rock." Kumatora said.

"Yeah, I know, he's such a sleepyhead." Claus said.

"Lemme take care of it." Kumatora picked Lucas up carefully and carried him over to another hospital bed where she laid him down slowly and gently. "Sleep tight, kiddo...you've had a hell of a day." She looked tired, too.

Now what? What was he supposed to do now that he'd decided to live?

"Wait, where's Porky? He's still in the capsule, right?!" How had he forgotten? If he got out and-

"Don't worry, my boy, he won't be coming out of there anytime soon. Or ever, in fact." Dr. Andonuts said.

"Huh? He told me he wanted to be safe forever, but wouldn't he be able to open it up once the Dragon was done remaking the world? I thought he just wanted to be safe from that." And Lucas's team. But it was hard to imagine Lucas killing anyone, even Porky...then again, Kumatora was there too...

"Yes, but I tricked him. I designed it so it could never be opened again once it was shut. And no, he won't starve in there, because he's immortal, despite his asthma. That's what makes it 'Absolutely Safe'...who knows, in some way, this may be exactly what he wanted."

Claus's stomach turned in existential horror as it slowly sank in what that meant.

"That's why I didn't wanna be the one to tell you about that, kiddo..." Kumatora said.

"You feel bad for him?! Well I don't! He shouldn't get to live forever and get exactly what he wanted, he should be dead after everything he did! It's his fault Mom died, and it's his fault I almost killed Lucas! Are we supposed to just let him get away with it?" Claus said with a glare. If he was going to believe Lucas telling him that it wasn't his own fault, then it had to be someone's. "Where are we? I need to get back to the Empire Porky Building so I can break open that stupid capsule!" What would Mom think of him saying things like this?

"Trust me, you can't, I tried." Kumatora said. "Not even Starstorm or PK Ground puts a dent in it."

"You haven't tried my lightning!"

"Actually, we have." Dr. Andonuts said. "Don't you recall how you helped with testing its durability?"

Right. That.

"Oh...but that's not fair! There has to be something that can break it!"

"I wish there was, but the whole point of its design was to the contrary."

"So we're just supposed to let him win? Let him laugh at us from in there forever?!" Claus said. He could imagine all the taunts Porky might say from in there.

"I'm sure he sees it as a victory right now, but that's the thing about time...everything changes. And if it doesn't, well, that's quite sad in its own way..."

He felt sick again. "No...I don't wanna feel bad for him, I don't...I'm not sorry for him!" He told them and himself. And yet. "If I feel bad for him, that's just letting him win!"

"It's okay, kiddo, you can feel whatever you want. Say he deserves worse, or better, or be conflicted and feel both ways at once, just don't let him be the boss of you even now that he's gone...ain't that letting him win too?" Kumatora said.

"Yeah, but..." Claus sighed.

An awkward silence ensued.

"...What did Lucas mean about Leder talking to him? Ain't Leder mute? If he isn't, how'd he keep it a secret so long, and why?"

"I could tell you, but it'd take forever, and there was some heavy stuff in that huge speech he gave us. You got enough on your plate already." Kumatora said.

"You don't have to walk on eggshells around me! It's not like if you hurt my feelings I won't be able to take-..it..." Claus frowned and looked down in shame. "Oh..." No wonder no one trusted him.

"It's okay, kiddo...you've been through a lot, no one can blame you. We'll tell you all that stuff eventually, just give yourself some time to breathe."

But he didn't want to. Every moment spent idle meant thinking about everything, feeling how his body wasn't quite right. Even the parts of him that were still flesh and blood felt awkward to the part of him that had only 'just' been ten.

"Can I go see Dad now? I'm not hurt anymore, I can walk just fine." He said.

"Your legs may be physically fine since you were healed, but I'm not sure about your sense of balance. Given how you've regained your old personality after three years, you might not be used to the weight of your cybernetics or even your height." Dr. Andonuts said. It wasn't like he was the same as he was three years ago, though. He still remembered everything he did as the commander, and in some way, he was still that person, just without all the restrictions forcing him to be obedient. But he was also Claus. Right? "I wouldn't want you to fall and get hurt after all we've done to help you. How about this? You can go see Flint as long as Kumatora is there to heal you in case you fall."

"Fine." He could walk, but the doc did have a point how part of him wasn't used to being this tall. He was still nowhere near Dad's height, though. Dr. Andonuts unhooked him from the IV and eventually let him go to the other room.

---

"Dad?" Dad wasn't in the best shape when Claus stepped through the automatic door to his room. He was on his own bed hooked up to an IV, and there was some kind of tube hooked up to one of his lungs. His cowboy hat was nowhere to be seen, leaving his head as bald as a bean, save for the sides. His ECG had a steady pulse that beeped at a routine rate unlike Claus's eerie flatline. Duster was sitting on one of the chairs watching over him, holding the cowboy hat. So that's where it was.

"Claus?" The rate of beeps went up just a little. His voice was so hoarse.

"What did they do to you?"

"Don't worry, this thing here is only to help me. I got hurt real bad when I was helping Lucas and his friends fight Porky, but the doctor says I'll get better. This is only temporary, he says he'll be able to take it out and send me home tomorrow."

"What does that thing even do?"

"I don't know how it works, exactly...it's odd, I could swear I've seen tools like this before, but I can't quite place it." Dad said in a raspy voice. "Dr. Andonuts said it was because air got out of my lung and was pushing on it from the outside, shriveling it up, so they have to suck it out. They couldn't just toss me in one of them Instant Revitalizing Devices since all that does is regenerate the flesh, and Lucas already healed me. I'll be okay, you're the one I'm worried about. Kumatora and Duster already told me you're alive again, but I just can't help worrying."

"I'm okay too, Dad...I know I should've died...no, I did die...but Lucas brought me back with the Dark Dragon. I'm sorry he couldn't bring back Mom too, he said it's 'cause I pulled-"

"I already know, he told me while you were asleep. Don't be sorry your mother isn't here too, you have no idea how happy I am to finally have you back. I love you so much, son...that's why I never stopped looking for you..." So why did he sound sad?

"Aw, I love you too, dad, but what's wrong? You're saying that like looking for me was a bad thing..."

"Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not saying I shouldn't have looked, I just...you don't understand, son. It's been three whole years." He seemed reluctant to elaborate, guilt radiating off of him.

"Oh, I get it...you mean you spent all that time looking for nothing, since you didn't know where I really was, and you didn't find me again because you looked long enough, it was because Lucas had to fight me, so you would've found me even if you never searched. I'm sorry, it's my fault I ran away and made you waste all that time...that must've been so hard for you."

"For me? No, no, that ain't right..." He coughed and wheezed almost like Porky. No, no, he couldn't make that comparison. "Think about it, who was at home taking care of Lucas when I was busy looking for you?"

"Duh, Mom would take care of...oh. Oh." Again he seethed. How did Lucas ever get used to this? How long did he have those moments where he'd forget she was dead and wouldn't ever do any of those things for them again? Or was only he that scatterbrained? It had been three years, but for him, he'd only lived a single day consciously aware of the gaping hole she left in his life where she once was but could not be again. In his life as the commander, the emptiness was just his normal and he'd never known any different. It was both better and worse.

"Do you see now?"

"Well, then you wouldn't go away from home for that long each day, right? You'd make up for Mom being gone, right?" Dad was still the strong, kind, dependable father he knew, right? Never mind the campfire. Never mind when they talked when he was in jail. He pushed it all to the back of his mind.

Dad seemed unsure what to say.

"Right..?" He said in the same pleading voice Lucas would.

"Wrong." And he could tell through his emotions he meant it.

The idealized image of Dad in his head shattered like glass.

"...huh?" What was he, then, when he'd tried so hard to follow in Dad's footsteps? Had he not strayed so far from Dad's trail after all when he left Lucas behind? He tried to piece the shards back together with his metal hand and the real one still prone to cuts. It couldn't have been that bad. Dad was a good person and a good dad, maybe he showed a tiny bit of favoritism to him over Lucas, but that was just because he was more like him, he loved them both equally, right?

"I wanted to make up for your mother being gone, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I didn't know a damn thing how to help Lucas live with losing her, I couldn't handle it myself..." It wasn't like Dad to swear in front of him. "And I just wasn't there for him anywhere near enough. Even when I was, I wasn't. All I could think about was getting you back...I was just going through the motions."

"But...but...but what about our neighbors? It's not your fault you were sad Mom was gone, and they could've helped...didn't you help Lighter when Fuel's mom passed away?" They'd heard the phrase about how it takes a village to raise a child.

"Lighter shouldn't have to pick up my slack, and the town ain't the same no more. Ever since the Pigmasks moved in, everything's gotten worse...they've gotten everyone to be more and more selfish, thinking only about the stuff they can buy and those darn Happy Boxes. Lighter never did buy one of those, he's a good man, a better man than me...and Lucas was still friends with the other kids...but he needed me, not just anyone, and I wasn't there anywhere near enough."

"I should've been there too instead of forgetting everything." Duster said. "I even saw you after you talked to your dad at the jail, I could've stopped you from going after that Drago."

"But you didn't know I was gonna do that, I didn't tell ya...I just lied and said I was gonna talk to Lucas." Well, that was true, but he hid the whole plan for revenge part, because he knew if the adults found out they wouldn't let him.

"I still should've suspected something." He and Duster hadn't been particularly close, other than that one time he'd tried learning the guitar from him. Old man Wess called it a waste of his son's time and talent. Claus stuck his tongue out at him. The next time he'd heard him after he went after the Drago had been over the radio as the commander. He hadn't been trained to waste time on recreation, but some of the Pigmasks sure liked listening to the DCMC. Even the Commander found itself tapping its foot to that bass rhythm for reasons besides ADHD-induced restlessness.

"Well, I'm better at hiding stuff than Luke..." He said with a frown. "And, uh...when I was with the army, I heard your music, and it was really good. So it's not like you didn't help at all..." Any small relief.

"You did, huh..."

Another awkward silence.

"Look, I know you don't wanna believe it, but your dad fucked up." Kumatora said. "Lucas wouldn't have had to get so independent if Flint was around as much as he should've been." He wanted to deny it, but the pieces were all coming together. Lucas only became so strong and brave because he was forced to be. By him not being there to protect him...by Dad...by Porky and the Pigmasks killing Mom and causing trouble, by everything.

"But...but that's my fault! I should've stayed home so you didn't have to look for me, Dad! If Tazmily needed a hero, it shoulda been me, not him! It's not fair..." He'd hardly given a second thought about how anyone would react if he didn't come back when he went after the Drago in that sleep-deprived haze. How was he supposed to know how much he meant to everyone, the scars his absence would leave? But he'd already seen what Mom being gone for just one day did...

"Don't blame yourself, son, you didn't know any better, and you shouldn't have had to fight either..." Dad said.

"Yeah, but...if it's not my fault, I don't wanna be mad at you..." Even though part of him already was. "I hurt you, Dad! I could've killed you! Even if you messed up, I've done way worse things when I was the commander! I'm so sorry!" He wanted to cry.

"You weren't yourself, Claus, that was Porky forcing you to do that..."

"I still did it, and you're still hurt..."

"If it makes you feel any better, this lung injury was actually Porky's doing, not yours. I mean his machine, it's still his fault the things he made you do too..."

"And you still took those hits for Lucas after that?" The Commander hadn't been able to believe its eyes when Dad was standing in the way after the explosion of hexagons that should've hit Lucas, somehow still on his aching feet and clutching his chest likely full of broken ribs. The memory of the campfire came back in that instant and all it could do was lash out in fear and confusion just like Dad had taught it, even though this time Dad had nothing but love and self sacrifice to offer. Its CPU couldn't comprehend how the second blast wasn't fatal for a human with no PSI to protect him. Faint memories of childhood fantasies mixed with those cold calculations. But Dad had crumpled into an aching heap all the same, baffling its senses another way by shattering the illusion of fatherly invincibility once more.

"It ain't as impressive as it sounds, Lucas used his healing on me before I tried talkin' to you, and that fixed the wounds, at least. Still sore as hell, though." And since PK Love was powered by emotion, it could've been weakened by the fact he didn't really want to hurt him...he was starting to realize Dad was only human.

If only he could say the same.

"Oh..." But Dad wasn't the only person he'd hurt in that fight. "I'm sorry I hurt you two too, are you sure you're okay now?" He said looking at Kumatora and Duster. "And what about Boney?"

"Slow down, kiddo, one thing at a time." Kumatora said. "Didn't I already say we're fine? Boney's okay too, this isn't any worse than when you zapped us back at Tanetane." Never mind the fact that unlike then, they also went through a grueling battle with Porky before that and even Fassad earlier that same day, despite the healing hot springs between the three fights.

"Oh...I'm sorry about that too..."

"Shit, shouldn't have brought that up."

"But where's Boney? Can I go see him?"

"Not right now. His injuries are better, but we took him to a veterinarian just in case." Duster said. "I'm worried he could have gotten sick when he was in the sewers, too, though I 'spose that goes for all of us, he was just in there longer..." He remembered Porky telling him furiously how Fassad had failed to stop Lucas's team. It was while he was making Dr. Andonuts rush his repairs of his injuries from his loss at the sixth Needle, just so he could force him to go back into danger to pull that final Needle before Lucas's team could reach the Empire Porky Building. The Commander was mostly numb and nearly incoherent while it recovered, yet some small part had felt a treacherous catharsis at the death of its former tormentor.

"Gosh, I hope y'all don't catch a cold." He grit his teeth trying not to correct himself, he could talk how he wanted, he was fine!

"Eh, we'll manage." Kumatora said.

Now what?

"So, uh...what happened to your hair, Dad?" Dad already had a bald spot 3 years ago, but it had been a lot smaller. He used to just wear cowboy hats for fun.

"It fell out, obviously. I hope it doesn't run in the family, or you and Lucas take more after your mother." Right now, potentially losing his hair in his late thirties or early forties was the last of his worries, he'd have to get that far first.

It was still hard to imagine that.

"Or else I'll go bald as a bean, haha..." He'd always liked making stupid jokes like Mom and Grandpa, but only now was it a way to cope. It felt weird. For some reason, Dad gave him an odd look at that joke.

"There's somethin' I've been wondering...I asked Dr. Andonuts, and he said you didn't remember your past when you were that masked boy. Said they tried to make it so you couldn't be happy or sad or angry or nothin'." Dad said bitterly. "And that was sick and twisted of them, but I have to hear it from you what all that means. Was it like y'were someone else that whole time, and when it was over, it was like wakin' up from some long, bad dream? Or did you know they were making you do something bad the whole time, and you couldn't do nothin' 'bout it..." He said with horror. "I just hope it didn't hurt too bad...but you don't have to tell me, I know you're going through enough already..." He didn't like seeing Dad so scared.

"No, it's okay, Dad. I don't know how to explain it...it's not really either of those, but it's almost like both? Like he said, I didn't remember anything from before they brought me back, and I didn't feel stuff as much. Ugh, I can't even describe it, it all felt normal then, but now it's not! I didn't know I was doing something wrong, I just did what they trained me to, but I should've known!" All the Commander knew was that obedience was right and disobedience was wrong. "I still didn't like hurting anything at first..." Not that he ever did. "But if I disobeyed, I'd get punished." He said in a suddenly quiet monotone voice.

Fassad couldn't use shock collars like he did on the other Chimeras or that one monkey thanks to the risks involved with a half cybernetic brain. But he had other methods. It turned out burns were one of the most painful types of injuries possible due to how they lit up so many nerve endings. One time, when he'd refused to put down an uncontrollable Cattlesnake, Fassad used a tiny, concentrated PK Fire on his left leg, just enough to be superficial causing no permanent damage but still agonizing, then he'd heal it with Lifeup strong enough to leave no scar like it never happened, then he'd do it aga-

"Claus!"

He would've fallen over sideways if not for Kumatora catching him. He hadn't noticed himself hyperventilating and wincing his eyes shut.

"I wish we could bring that fucker back to life just so I can kill him again."

"H-how much did you see?" Normally, psychics couldn't see each other's thoughts, but his control over his powers hadn't been good since waking up, he might have even been the one projecting it onto her.

"Enough." She held Claus a little too tightly and helped him sit down on one of those comfy looking chairs near Dad's bed.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said anything..." Dad said.

"It's okay, Dad, it's not your fault..." He tried to say while struggling to get any words out between gasps and trembling on the chair.

"Just take it easy for a little while, Claus...you don't have to keep on talking and asking us things." Duster said.

And for the next minute or so, he had to, until the panic left him. Everyone continuing to worry didn't help.

"I know you said to take it easy, but there's still more I gotta say...I gotta apologize to you, too, Dad. I'm sorry I...you know...if it hadn't been for Luke, I wouldn't have been able to come back, and I'd hurt you and him so much...I still did..."

"...You were just hasty, that's all. I forgive you."

"I don't think I deserve it...I didn't listen to you when you said not to go after the Drago, either, and then I did something dumb again!"

"But Claus, you already said how you didn't remember while you were that commander, right? You never had a chance to learn any lessons in the first place, so you can't be hard on yerself for that. I'm the one who should apologize, I'm the one who gave Lucas my Courage Badge..."

"Fuck, that means I made you feel like you did it! And I made Luke feel like he did it! I'm s-sorry!" His voice cracked amid dry sobs. "I didn't think of that, I swear! I didn't know!"

"It's okay, you were just hasty..." Dad said.

"It's not a bad thing you gave him the badge, ok? If he didn't have it, he would've been defenseless against my lightning! And even if he wasn't, I could've found some other way to...well..."

"..."

The conversation came to an awkward standstill.

"...Can we hug?" He never used to be the clingy twin. Often Lucas would cuddle up to him in his sleep and he'd have to carefully free himself from his grip without waking him up.

"You don't have to ask, 'course we can." But he had to awkwardly walk to and around Dad's bed so that he was on the right side of him, or left from Dad's perspective, and could hug him with the right, er, the correct arm, the left arm, and in such a way that Dad didn't have to get up and he didn't bump that weird tube sucking the excess air pushing in on Dad's lung. Then while he was in that awkward crouching position Dad could barely hug him back with his own much bigger left arm. But there was something awkward and stiff about it, almost like Dad wasn't used to hugging anymore. Mom had always been more of a hugger than Dad, but it was never like this. How often did Lucas and Dad hug lately?

He wasn't sure he was ready for the answer.

Claus tried to push those thoughts back, maybe it was just because Dad was hurt. He tried to appreciate the warmth instead. It had been so long...

Eventually, he let go and went back to sitting where he was before. Now what? What was he supposed to do with his life? The Commander had always been bound to countless objectives he wanted nothing to do with now, but it was hard to imagine going back to his old innocent carefree life. Would all the villagers just accept him back into their lives like nothing had happened and it hadn't been three years and he wasn't this cyborg freak who was once part of the force oppressing them?

Wait...there wasn't even a village anymore. Tazmily was a ghost town. He'd known that as the commander, but he hadn't connected the dots until now. To think he'd felt nothing knowing almost everyone he'd ever loved had been lured to New Pork City by all those ads, straight into Porky's grasp.

No...not quite nothing. The commander had felt something stirring in its gut after it got back from Tanetane Island on a Porkship that flew over the nearly empty village before returning to base. It didn't know how to identify it. It just took it out on the impenetrable wall of vines guarding Chupichupyoi Temple's entrance once it was sent on its next mission. After the first few lightning bolts, Colonel Green suggested that he not tire himself out and just leave it to the Claymen and heavy explosives. After all, the enemy might show up soon, and he'd need to save his strength for then. Clive was a decent guy...well, now that he had the hindsight, 'decent' was a considerable stretch for anyone who pointed a blaster in Lucas's direction, but at least some set them to 'stun'. Some showed some camaraderie to their fellow soldiers. Some caught on to just how young he was and tried to care about it more than others.

What were they all up to now?

"Wait, if Porky's stuck in the capsule, and Fassad's dead, then what happened to the army?" Porky had never made succession plans. For all he cared, the empire could crash and burn without him leading it, its spectacular collapse upon his absence a last monument to his so-called glorious leadership.

"Don't you know? Oh right, you were asleep the last few hours, so you missed it...a lot of shit went down ever since Lucas woke up the Dragon." Kumatora said. "Hell, even before that. See, while you were down in that cave, we were looking for Porky up on the top floor, and he went on this stupid rant about how he was gonna wake up the Dragon and end the world...but guess what? That old fart recorded it for everyone in the city to hear! I mean Dr. Andonuts, not Porky. He broadcasted Porky's speech to the whole city to try to get the Pigmasks to turn against him, and if that wasn't enough, then Lucas woke up the Dragon and gave them all their memories back."

"Huh?"

"Y'know, the ones who got stuck in those tubes of green goo to make 'em loyal. Lucas fixed all that, and that made them fight back."

"Oh..."

"I thought you knew about this stuff since they called you the commander."

"No, I did, I just didn't know Lucas could do that. Ugh, this is my fault too! I knew all this was going on and I didn't do anything about it! I even gave some of the orders to put people in there when Porky told me to! I could feel it, how their minds weren't quite right and they forgot things or remembered 'em wrong..." What he'd sensed barely probably barely scratched the surface, though. Of the many people brought to New Pork City by Time Distorter, there weren't many he knew the personal stories of about where and when they really came from. Of course, not all of them had been kidnapped or brainwashed or both. Some had come voluntarily after being given false promises of going to a futuristic utopia. Some were eager for any alternative to whatever shitty life they were stuck in. Most didn't know there would be no return trip. And as for those who did remember, the Commander was hardly the talkative type to inquire about the backgrounds of its soldiers.

"Again, it's not your fault, kiddo. From what the doc told me, you had even less of a choice than those pigs in the goo, at least they didn't have a machine in their head."

"Yeah, but still..." He sighed. "So how much of the army's still loyal to Porky?"

"Not much. You'd have to be pretty crazy to still follow him after all the shit he said."

"Well, some of them think the video was faked." Duster said. Claus couldn't imagine any technology being able to imitate Porky's signature wheezes, though. "Some of them believe it, but they just wanted to take his place being in charge once they found out he was in the capsule. But most of 'em had a change of heart once Lucas helped them remember, and since he and the Dragon started stopping all those natural disasters from wrecking the islands completely...I mean, how do you fight a kid who just stopped the end of the world when your boss caused it? There hasn't been all too much fightin', thank goodness. The worst of the bunch were all divided against each other in these small factions since Porky never set up any of his officers in particular to be his successor if he kicked the bucket, and enough people could agree Porky was no good that they outnumbered anyone who wanted to start some new nasty regime."

"Oh...well, that's good...wait, what do you mean natural disasters wrecking the islands?!" He'd only seen a few glimpses just after coming back to life while fading in and out of consciousness.

"Yeah, they weren't kidding about the 'end of the world' part of the prophecy." Kumatora said. "Here, lemme show you." Kumatora waved her right hand and used some telekinesis to pull aside the window curtains, revealing that they weren't on the ground floor of the hospital and had a view of the city which was devastated by the lingering effects of a huge earthquake among other things. In the distant horizon, even Fire Mountain could be seen with cooled lava along its side.

"Holy shit, it erupted?!" He walked closer to get a better view.

"Yep! There were meteors coming down from the sky and everything. It even knocked down one of those Porkships, so they're lucky Lucas decided to make sure no one died when all this shit happened."

"Wow...but I don't get it, why would the Dragon make all this happen if Lucas was trying to use its-I mean her power to save the world?" Porky always called the Dragon an it.

"The way Lydia put it, 'all things must come to an end, but every ending is a new beginning'. That means the Dark Dragon can't make a better world without breaking some stuff. She's the size of the islands themselves, so just her waking up shook everything up even if she's trying to use her power for good. And if she's not, well...Phrygia just said it's like how if she gets a good night's sleep, then she'll have a productive morning, but if not, then she might just make things worse."

"God, if I couldn't stop all this like Lucas, then it really could've destroyed everything..." All the commander's misery was the last thing a dragon trying to fix the entire planet needed.

"Hey, you don't know that for sure..." Kumatora said gently, and another wave of her hand pulled the curtains over the view again. "Maybe even if you pulled it before we got there, waking up the Dragon would've gotten you back to your senses, and I know you didn't really wanna wreck everything. It's not that you didn't have a heart, they just forced you to bury your feelings deep down."

"But I literally don't have one!" Claus said holding his unbeating chest. "It doesn't matter if I had feelings somewhere, it wouldn't have been enough! I still don't think I could've saved the world like Lucas did even if I was like I am right now...so how'd he do it? He just saw me die, and he still held it together for everyone else's sake?" The ten year old Lucas was reduced to a sobbing wreck by Mom's death, let alone his on top of that. Claus's incoherent vengeful madness wasn't any better. "When did he get so strong?" When had Lucas become so much stronger than him?

"I wish I knew...it must've been when I wasn't lookin'." Dad said with a frown. "But neither of you shoulda had to be strong for nobody, and there's no point dwellin' on what could've been, whether it's better or worse. I know it's awful hypocritical of me to say that, but it's true. You're just blaming yerself for something you never did and that wouldn't have been your fault if you had done it anyhow."

"That's right, and if it helps, Lucas was holdin' onto the thought that pulling that Needle could bring you back, and it did, so he didn't know for sure he'd lost you for good." Duster said.

"I bet he still could've saved the world even if I didn't come back..." Claus said. Even the few moments he'd had with the present Lucas had shown him enough.

"Well, maybe...but he's had three years to learn, you haven't, not quite. When I lost my memory, it was like a fresh start where I made new friends and had a good time, but for you, you got thrown into that awful life..." Duster said. "It must've been hard enough just gettin' by."

"Wait, you lost your memory?" Claus said. He'd heard about the musician Lucky as the commander, but not that he lost his memory.

"Right, I suppose you wouldn't know since you got lost before it happened...the short version is me and my old man went on a mission to Osohe Castle to go find the Egg of Light because we knew we were supposed to go get it in a time of crisis, but I got washed away in the river with the egg. I nearly drowned, but when I woke up, the band found me washed up on the riverbank, and I couldn't remember who I was or where I came from, so they took me in."

"Oh...but why'd you lose your memory? You were only trying to get the Egg, not use it, and shouldn't it have given your memories back, not taken 'em away?"

"I'm still not sure myself. All I know is once I woke up, the only thing I remembered was that I had to hide it so no one could steal it. Then once I met Lucas, we found it again, and that let me remember everything. Well, not quite everything, since I still don't remember where we were before Tazmily..."

"That's weird...so that means you've lost your memories twice in a row? You changed them, and then you lost them all, but you only got the fake ones back?"

"It's strange, ain't it? Well, they ain't all fake, the ones from after we got to Tazmily but before I met the band are real. I guess my mind's probably 'bout as scrambled as an egg if you think about it, huh?"

"I hope you can get all that sorted out soon..." Claus said. "Uh, what were we talking about earlier?"

"I was sayin' how since you forgot everything and lived such a hard life, it must've been hard enough just getting by, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself and comparing yourself to Lucas. You had it a whole lot worse than he did."

"It's not like Lucas had it easy. He had to live without me, and Mom, and..." Sort of without Dad, too. "And he wasn't all numb to it like me. At least I didn't remember everyone, so I couldn't even miss them." How ungrateful that felt with how much they'd all missed him.

"If you ask me, that's even worse. Honestly, I'd rather be dead than forget about Ionia." Kumatora said. So then, why had Duster's time as an amnesiac been such an improvement? What did that say about Wess? Everyone knew they didn't get along, but now he had an awful feeling he didn't know the half of it. Neither of them were the type to talk about what went on behind closed doors. "Look, kiddo, it's not a competition, but you had it worse. At least Lucas still had a few people who loved him, but you didn't. Those assholes used you! Abused you!" Tortured him, she left unsaid trying not to push his buttons again. "And they're gonna pay for it if it's the last thing I do."

"You already made Fassad pay for it, and Porky's in that stupid capsule, so he's gonna rot away in there forever..." Again Claus felt sick. Half of him hoped Porky really did rot for a million years, the other half knew that was too cruel for any human being, even him. "And Dr. Andonuts...ugh, I don't know! It feels wrong letting him just get away with it, but Luke said it was the right thing since he feels bad about it...and he wasn't a jerk like Fassad, he tried to help me sometimes, but it wasn't enough since he always listened to Porky when it came down to it, so I don't know...I just don't know!"

"It's alright, Claus, you don't have to. But I don't think there's any use in revenge, if it's hurting someone back just to make 'em suffer as much as you did, only justice. I mean making sure the folks who do abuse their power and hurt people don't get the chance to do it again. Sometimes forgivin' people who did something horrible seems stupid, and sometimes it is, it just depends if they really want to change or not. 'Course, who am I to talk with what I did to that poor mother Drago right in front of her daughter..."

The commander had heard how that particular chimera was put down, but Claus had never known Dad succeeded where he failed.

"She was in pain, Flint. She couldn't control herself, it was the only way to keep her from hurtin' anyone else." Duster said.

"Sure, but I wasn't thinkin' of it that way back then." Dad said. Neither was Claus.

"So I died for nothing?! I could've waited and you still would've stopped her from hurting anyone! And she didn't wanna hurt Mom either, she liked playing with us, it was the Pigmasks who made her that way, so she didn't deserve it!" His eyes watered again.

"Then neither did you." Dad said.

"B-but...but I..." Claus said, but couldn't come up with any more words, only sniffles and blubbering. Kumatora floated a tissue over to him so he could blow his nose.

It was minutes before he'd recovered enough for their conversation to continue in any meaningful way besides them consoling him and telling him the same things he'd already heard about how it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't blame himself.

"Wait, you still haven't told me, who's in charge of the army now? I know you said a lot of them don't want Porky back, but what's gonna happen to everyone? Will they get rid of money like how Tazmily used to be? If they're gonna punish the worst guys in the army, then what about me?"

"Slow down, kiddo. First of all, if anyone wants to hurt you, they'll have to do it over my dead body. " She said. "...And it won't come to that since I'd kick their asses first." She added after seeing his reaction.

"Oh." How could he mean that much to her when he was practically a stranger, even if he had Lucas's face? He was the one who pulled the Needles and killed half the Magifolk...

"I don't know if we're getting rid of money, probably not right away since everyone's so used to using it. Leder said the important part is just making sure we don't let the rich control everything like when Porky was in charge. Well, he calls them the 'bourgeoisie', but you get the idea. I don't know exactly what's gonna happen to everyone, but I think things are gonna get better from here on out as long as we make it happen. As for the army, there's this guy named Colonel Green who helped Dr. Andonuts start that broadcast to turn the rest of the Pigmasks against Porky..."

"Wait, I know that guy, he used to work for me! I didn't know he was planning on rebelling, though, but I'm glad he did..." If he had, he would have had no choice but to report him. But now that he thought about it, there had been some signs he hadn't noticed at the time. No concrete proof, but enough that if he'd put the dots together and told Porky, he could've gotten him demoted, fired, or worse. In hindsight, it was strange he hadn't noticed his treacherous thoughts, but he hadn't been much good at using his telepathy back then, and it worked better on animals. Had he been too dense, or was it that he chose not to put the dots together? The commander never broke the rules its programming and superiors demanded of it. Not consciously.

Wait...if Clive was planning rebellion, what would he have done if Claus won that battle against Lucas outside the temple? Wouldn't the world have been doomed if he pulled that Needle and got the majority? Would he and who knows how many of his men have betrayed him and shot him in the back before he could pull it? It probably would've worked since pulling the needles took so much concentration, and he would've been exhausted fighting Lucas. He probably would've set his blaster to stun, too.

Part of Claus wished otherwise.

"Is there any way I can talk to him? There's gotta be something I can do to help. If Dr. Andonuts can do another one of those broadcasts and let me talk to all the Pigmasks, maybe I can convince them to stand down and stop doing bad stuff! Some of them liked working for me more than Fassad or Mas-Porky..." He corrected himself. There were no rules stating the commander had to be callously cruel to its subordinates like Fassad or constantly be suspicious of them. Of course, Porky would get mad if it seemed like the Commander was more loved by the soldiers than him, so the Pigmasks had to be sycophantic enough to avoid his wrath, but not so sycophantic it was obviously fake. Just like those Mecha Porky minigames.

"I don't want you to get yourself involved in all this when you've been through so much and we only just got you back. Just think of the stress you'd be putting yourself through talking to all those people! You'd get far too much attention afterwards, too." Dad said, still in that raspy voice. "Please, just listen to me this time." Claus winced with guilt. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put it like that..."

"No, you're right, I should've listened to you back then, but this is different! I have to do something to make up for everything I did wrong, right? I'm gonna get all that attention anyways even if I don't say nothin'...it's not like we could just keep me being the commander a secret when all the Pigmasks already know I look like Lucas. Everyone's probably gonna hate me for all the awful stuff I did, but it'll look even worse if I just sit around doing nothing instead of trying to make it right! Right? I won't do anything behind your back anymore, I promise, but you gotta let me have this...please, dad..."

"I get what it's like wanting so badly to make up for what you've done wrong: all I want now is to make up for not being there for you and Lucas...but Claus, it's different with you. I knew what I was doing, you didn't, so the things you did weren't really your fault, and it breaks my heart seein' you saying they were. It'd be cruel of people to judge you for it, and if they do anyway, then I'll be there to tell them they're wrong."

"Sure you could, but I get where he's coming from." Kumatora said. "When you're feeling that guilty, you gotta do something to help people to make up for everything, so let him." Oh...no wonder she'd feel guilty helping Lucas pull those needles. He couldn't imagine himself being able to do the same in her place. Was her helping Lucas now how she kept herself going? And him, too, since he was Lucas's brother..? "Besides, who are you to tell him not to beat himself up for no reason? You did that for three years and it didn't help anyone."

"Hey!" Claus said without thinking. It felt weird flip-flopping like this from arguing with Dad to defending him, and half of him knew Dad deserved some harsh words, but the ten year old half hadn't caught up in time yet. He was still Dad, wasn't he?

"No, she's right...but it doesn't matter if I'm a hypocrite, you still shouldn't treat yourself like this."

"But I can't just do nothing! Why don't you care what I want?"

"Everyone just calm down, alright?" Duster said. "You've all got a point. Claus, it's not that your dad doesn't care what you want, and he doesn't think you're being stupid, he's just worried for ya. Flint, Claus just wants to do somethin' good, and he's spent all this time being helpless not able to make any choices for himself, so try to understand. We won't let him do something reckless again."

"Letting him spill his guts out for everyone to see ain't reckless?" Flint said.

"It doesn't have to be like that. Actually, I've got an idea: we could go talk to Dr. Andonuts about it first and get his opinion."

Dad sighed which came out more like a wheeze. "Fine. Just get him to come over here since he still won't let me get up. I haven't agreed to anything yet, I'm just agreeing to talk to him about it."

"Thanks, Dad..."

Duster followed him back to the other room while Kumatora stayed behind with Flint.

---

"I see...I sympathize with being desperate to make up for one's wrongdoings no matter the personal cost, but your father has a point about the risks to your privacy and mental well-being. Hmm..." Dr. Andonuts adjusted his glasses. "How about a compromise, my boy? What if I was the one to speak on your behalf?" Dr. Andonuts said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've already revealed some of the things you want to say to the public in the earlier broadcast across the city."

"Huh? Didn't you just record Porky's big evil rant?"

"That part of it was only a stroke of luck I improvised with in the moment, I already had plenty of evidence to reveal even if he'd done the smart thing and kept his mouth shut. Among that was evidence of all the horrible things we've done in the name of science, including brainwashing humans to stay loyal to Porky and reconstructing and abusing Chimeras, including you."

"Which one am I? Human or Chimera?"

"Both, naturally! Please don't think your cybernetics make you any less human."

"Don't they? I mean, there's literally less of me that's human now."

"Well, is an amputee or someone who loses an eye less human than an able-bodied person?"

"No, of course not! Sorry, Duster..." He said looking at Duster awkwardly.

"It's okay, Claus, I know you didn't mean nothin' by it. Just listen to him and don't think of yourself like that."

"I know, I get it, but there's stuff in my brain too, so isn't that different?"

"Advanced as your cybernetic hemisphere may be, now that it isn't programmed to override your free will, it's only a disability aid now, nothing more. It's just that said disability was caused by what we did to you in the first place..."

None of them were sure what to say next. There was something about the look on Duster's face that bothered him...

"Wait, I got distracted, what were you saying earlier?" Claus said. "I'm so dumb..."

"Ah, right. Don't worry, we share that habit of going on tangents. I was saying I've already told the city some of what you want to say, like your identity as the commander and how none of what you did was your fault, and it was all meant to convince them to overthrow Porky's regime, of course. If you want, I could elaborate on what happened to you and let them know how sorry you are even though you shouldn't have to be. Of course, I'll make every effort to maintain your privacy and only explain what needs to be said and not any personal details."

"Okay...let's go back to Dad so we don't keep him waiting too long."

---

"I'm still not sure about this..." Dad said after Dr. Andonuts explained everything to him and Kumatora.

"And that's understandable, but I want to at least make sure the public knows the basics of what happened to Claus, so they can know the truth before any nasty rumors and misunderstandings can spread that he was at fault for what he did. Alas, information can spread all too quickly these days." Dr. Andonuts said.

"Word got around quick in the old Tazmily, too, but at least folks knew better than to spread the kind of lies and slander all them televisions and news networks do now." Flint said bitterly. "They called Lucas a 'terrorist' when he decided to fight back against them and blamed him when they blew up their own tower...I can't stand the thought of them doin' the same to Claus." He said.

"But then they'd all have to admit they were wrong supporting Porky first, right?" Claus said.

"You know how people can be, Claus. Some folks are shameless enough to flip-flop just because everyone else started changing their mind, and they won't really be sorry for what they thought before, they'll just say they were misinformed, find anyone to blame 'cept themselves." Dad said, then sighed and looked back at Dr. Andonuts instead of him. "...Fine, but only tell 'em the bare minimum. I don't want Claus to have all his scars out for everyone to see, it just ain't right. My boys should get to live a normal life instead of everyone havin' their eyes on them."

"Believe me, I know, I wish there was some way for Claus to avoid the spotlight entirely, but too many people already know too much."

"Fine, just let me know what you're going to tell everyone before you do anything." Dad said.

"Don't worry, I will."

At least now everyone would know he was sorry and that he hadn't wanted to do all the things he did.

But now what?

A few minutes later, Claus tapped his foot idly while Dr. Andonuts typed away on his laptop setting up what he was working on on his very loud keyboard. Clackity clackity clack. There were spreadsheets, paragraphs of text full of scientific terms he didn't understand, diagrams, even some pictures of him before and after some of the surgeries. Claus looked away before it made him feel any more sick. He knew it was important that people knew the truth of what was done to him and the other Chimeras and how bad it was so no one would try it again, but still...he needed something else to think about, and there was plenty to pick from, but something that wouldn't just upset him more...something productive...

"Wait, I forgot to say something! When I was on the Dragon's back when Lucas brought me back, I could see the whole world, and it was huge! Nowhere was so tiny it was just a little dot! I could hear her thoughts too, and she seemed sad since the rest of the world looked like some huge wasteland..."

"That's 'cause it wasn't always like that. Leder said it used to be just as green as Tazmily. Well, some of it, anyhow." Duster said.

"What do you mean it wasn't always like that?! How could a world that big get ruined so badly? Just what did Leder say?"

"They haven't told you yet since they know you won't like hearing it. You've already been through too much tonight, Claus, just let it go." Dad said.

"Not knowing is worse! How am I supposed to sleep knowing there's some big dark secret everyone's keeping from me like I can't take it? I'm not gonna kill myself again, okay?!"

"Hey...it's okay, kiddo..." Kumatora said gently.

"F-fuck, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be mean, I just-" Claus wiped his treacherous tears.

"It's alright, you've had a long day." Duster said. "If you really want to know, you can, just go ask Mr. Stinkbug. He's in Lucas's pocket."

"O-okay." He said. What Duster said didn't surprise him, since he'd always been fond of bugs and talking to them like the Mole Crickets near Grandpa's house, so of course he knew Stinkbugs had the best memory of any bug in Nowhere.

So that was what he did.

"Hi, Mr. Stinkbug. Can you tell me what Leder told Lucas?" He said after pulling a bug out of Lucas's pocket, and it jumped out of his hand and onto the floor.

The bug chirped. ("Aren't you Lucas? What happened to your eye and arm?")

"No, I'm his twin, Claus, and I don't wanna talk about it. Just tell me what he said, ok?"

Mr. Stinkbug chirped again and hopped up in the air in confirmation. "Okay, if you say so. This might take a while, so listen so I don't have to say it all again. Here's where Leder started..." Then the bug's memories flashed back to Leder's speech, and Claus heard it all in Leder's voice, that of an old man and raspy from lack of use. "'Long ago, there existed a 'world'. A world different from what the people on these islands think of. This 'world' was incredibly big. More people lived on this world than there are grains of sand in the Nowhere Islands."

"Yeah right, it can't be that big!" But he'd seen it. Maybe that huge world really could contain thousands...millions? Hundreds of millions? How many grains of sand were there on Nowhere again?

"I know it may be hard to imagine, but such a world once existed. At some point, that world wound up destroyed. Naturally, it was humans who destroyed it..."

"It was us..?" Everything Porky said about humanity being stupid and self destructive was true? Claus didn't want to believe it.

But as Leder's speech went on, it dropped one bombshell after another shattering everything he thought he knew about Tazmily and the world.

Tazmily's past was all a lie. Mom and Dad and all the other adults hadn't come from here, they had fled here from that vast, apocalyptic world he'd seen and were so traumatized they'd willingly given up their memories and invented a fake past for themselves, tried to invent a utopia and made up new roles and identities for themselves in it so that apocalypse wouldn't happen again here. The worst part was it all made sense, because it explained all the questions no one could answer that he'd kept asking ever since his terrible twos. Why haven't we tried sailing beyond the horizon? What happened a hundred years ago? How about a thousand? Why aren't there any people in Osohe Castle? Why are there only a few grandpas and no grandmas? Why, why, why?

Why had Mom and Dad lied to him?

Lucas had asked Leder if Mom and Dad had been together even before they lost their memories. Leder told him yes, and answered the question he didn't dare ask, too, told him that no fabricated memories could invent or change the kind of love they had. They'd even been thinking of starting a family back then, but didn't get the chance until after the first few turbulent years of building Tazmily before everyone wiped their memories. All the villagers had changed in some way because of their amnesia, but they were still the same people deep down, Leder tried to reassure Lucas. They'd chosen the fabricated stories they did willingly to try to still be themselves, but live new, better lives, with a clean slate from all the horrors of their pasts.

And oh were there horrors. Leder struggled to explain to Lucas the concept of global warming, but he could hardly comprehend how humans let their way of living ever so slowly change the climate from green and full of life like Nowhere's to a chaotic state that was in many places uninhabitable. Then it changed more quickly when the collapsing civilizations fought with weapons that could reduce cities and even larger landscapes to smoking craters and covered the sky in clouds of nuclear ash. It was humans who destroyed it, but not most humans, only the greedy ones in power like Porky. If that world was full of cities ruled by greed like New Pork, Claus could at least start to imagine what it might be like living in it. He wished he could forget the last three years too, but wasn't that just his weakness? Why would Dad run away from his past?

"I wish I could tell you, son, but I don't remember what I was thinkin' back then. Not yet." Dad said after Claus brought Mr. Stinkbug back to his room and asked. "Leder said our memories would come back sooner or later now that he ain't ringing that bell anymore. 'Course, he hasn't been for the last three years ever since the Pigmasks kidnapped him, but it's different now that he went and told us all that we forgot. He thinks that'll jog our memories quicker. So we can either wait for them to come back on their own, or we can use the Egg of Light to get them back the fast way, but he says we should wait until things settle down a little so we don't have all those bad memories distracting us while we're all so busy."

"I get why some folks in town would wanna forget, but why you? Aren't you too brave to need to get rid of your bad memories?"

"Claus, I'm not as good of a father or man as you think I am...I don't know if I ever was."

"But that can't be right!" Had he been chasing a shadow all this time? Was Dad's whole image of a brave, stoic family man just something he made up when he changed his memories? That couldn't be true...

"I think it can be. I might have been a good dad to you before, but I fell apart as soon as we had a real crisis. Who's to say I didn't do the same thing when I was younger? Then I forgot all about it and set myself up to make the same damn mistakes all over again!" Dad said, then wheezed.

"That's not fair, Dad, you don't know that!" Claus said.

"I may not remember much, but I know one thing for sure: there's a damn good reason we chose to live without money in Tazmily. It was capitalism that destroyed the world we knew, Leder said as much, so how could we let ourselves forget that? We didn't even know what money was when Fassad brought it back again. Some folks might say we were acting like sheep, but that's an insult to the sheep. He and Porky played us all for fools..."

"That's still not fair, you couldn't have known back then that Porky would bring all the Pigmasks and people from New Pork here with Time Distorters..." Claus said.

"Maybe, but we still should've been more careful. It would be one thing if it was just us choosing to forget and paying for our mistakes, but you and Lucas and all the other kids paid for them too."

"Yeah, but..." Claus didn't know what to say. Then he remembered. "Dad, I'm gonna say something that sounds a little crazy, and I mighta just imagined it, so don't get mad..."

"Calm down, of course I won't." Dad winced thinking back to the campfire.

"Before Lucas brought me back, I saw Mom!"

"You what?"

"Y-yeah! And she told me she was sorry she sealed away everyone's memories in the Egg! But if Mom did it, she must've thought it was the right thing, right? She'd never do anything selfish! It must've just been 'cuz everyone was having such a hard time living through all that awful stuff Leder talked about, right? She didn't know Porky would show up either!"

"She really said all that? And you're sure it was her?" Dad said with this awful heartbroken hopeful look on his face.

"W-well, that's what I heard, at least...I don't know if I was dreaming or what...I think Porky told me something about the villagers losing their memories once, so I don't know, but I think it was her! She said other stuff, too! She told me how Lucas was trying to bring me back and I had to let him, but I wanted to stay with her, it's not fair, why can't I be with Mom again, why couldn't she come back too, it's not fair, it's not fair!" Claus descended into blubbering and sobs again.

He ran over and gave Dad one of those awkward half hugs again and cried into his shoulder. "I miss Mom, Dad...how are we supposed to just go on without her?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out together. It's what she would want." Dad said and tried to stroke his hair gently the same way Mom did, but it ended up a little awkward due to the position he was in.

Then Claus's stomach growled. When had he last eaten? Not in the hours since his revival, not when he was being repaired after his loss to Lucas or making his trek through the cave...there was a Cup of Pork Noodles before he went to the temple, that was about it.

---

A little while later, Claus's dinner was a King Burger and a Big City Cola. Only now that he remembered Tazmily was it eerie how little he knew about where the food for these things came from, how they were made, and by whom. The commander had never complained or rejoiced, whether it was served bland military rations or gourmet meals or the far too common fast food. It wasn't that he couldn't taste how good or bad food was back then, he just didn't care. Mostly. He did owe some thanks to the chefs for what little relief the better meals brought him in those times.

"What's the problem, kiddo? You've barely taken a bite. Not a fan of pork?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I'm fine with it, but I figure you'd get sick of it after working for them for three years."

"Yeah...it doesn't taste bad, it just reminds me of them...it's funny, 'cuz Luke used to be the one who hated pork when we were little. One time he cried his guts out cause he got along with one of Butch's piglets and didn't wanna eat it when it grew up...I guess I'm the crybaby now, haha..." He laughed awkwardly.

"Hey, everyone's got different tastes. You could always throw it out."

"Sure, but Mom always said not to waste food."

So he ate the rest of it as fast as he could to appease his growling stomach and washed down the taste of pig with the bubbly soda. Not exactly a healthy meal, as the doctor pointed out, but enough to keep him fed and make him sleepy. Just what kind of chemicals did they put in this stuff?

And yet, despite his eyes becoming increasingly tired, his brain kept him awake well into the night. Duster, as it turned out, was similarly insomniac, while Dr. Andonuts looked accustomed to pulling all-nighters as he did now with amounts of caffeine that were no doubt unhealthy at his old age. By the time Kumatora hit the metaphorical hay, finally giving in to her own exhaustion, Claus was left with little to do except restlessly tap his foot and hold his right shoulder at the uncanny half-numb seam between flesh and metal.

"Can you at least get rid of the arm? It wasn't that hard for you to do it when I got hurt earlier and you had to replace it." Claus said.

"I'll admit it's true that removing it is a relatively simple procedure, but that time I was replacing it, it would be quite the handicap to lose it for good."

"I'll figure it out somehow. It's my fault I lost my arm and eye to the Drago, anyways, so I'd rather live with that than have this thing there."

"Well, if you insist, just remember you can always have it back if you change your mind."

They had to go elsewhere in the hospital where he had the equipment to get it removed. It was eerie how easily it just slid out with a mechanical hiss and left nothing but a lack of weight and this weird phantom sensation like his long lost real arm was still there. When he thought back, he'd still had that feeling as the commander, even when the metal arm was still there with all its lack of tangible sensation other than the signals the machine half of his brain sent and received.

How did that even work, anyhow? Hadn't the doc said once that it was the right side of the brain that controlled the left half of the human body and vice versa? So how did the machine that had taken the place of the left side of his brain remember what his lost right arm felt like? Was it some psychic nonsense, or did whatever sciencey mumbo jumbo Dr. Andonuts said about scanning the brain's patterns onto a machine really work that well despite how much they'd also tried to wipe his memory, even if they weren't aiming at muscle memory in particular? He hadn't the slightest idea. It brought to mind that old myth about some guy named Theseus and his stupid boat he kept replacing the parts of...he was still himself, wasn't he?

If he'd really seen Mom back then, then she thought so.

"Gah, I didn't mean to bump into you lik-oh my pork, you're Lucas!"

A guy with an arm in a cast said after bumping into Claus when he rounded a corner on his way back, then backed away from him trembling and bowing his head. Claus nearly toppled over sideways, unable to steady himself against the wall with the right arm that wasn't there, if not for Dr. Andonuts grabbing him and helping him regain his balance. Everything felt a little off balance without the weight of his right arm.

"I'm so sorry for everything at Thunder Tower! You were right, everything I was doing there was terrible, and I'm lucky you only broke an arm: I barely got out of there before they bombed it just because you were there! Then they covered it up and blamed it on your team...I was an idiot, I never thought I was just as expendable as you to them...that's why I deserted. I probably deserve worse than a broken arm, but for what it's worth, I'm really sorry I hurt your sheep."

"Huh?" Who was this and what did he mean hurting his sheep?! Before Claus could say anything more, more thoughts flooded his head.

---

"Are you the one who runs this thing and makes it fire lightning bolts at the houses of folks who won't buy Happy Boxes?" Lucas said with his back to his teammates and the huge power coil that took up most of this room. "Did you kill Fluffy?"

"N-no, I'm just the janitor!" Sheep hastily lied but it was a poor one given his blue uniform indicating a more important role than a mere grunt. "Wait, who's Fluffy?"

"HE WAS MY FRIEND!" Lucas yelled with tears in his eyes.

Sheep tried to get out his gun but Lucas broke both it and his right arm with a swing of his stick that sent him crashing into the wall next to the console, where he slid down and bruised some more ribs. "I'msorryIonlydidwhatIwastoldpleasedon'tkillme!" He blurted out once he could do something besides scream, trying to shield his helmeted face with his other arm.

Lucas raised his stick again and his teammates looked shocked...but then he stopped. Was it because he didn't have it in him or because he could read Sheep's thoughts that he only did it out of fear of Fassad's punishment? Sheep didn't know.

---

"I heard all those horrible things about Porky, too, I had no idea he was planning tha-"

"I'm not Lucas!"

"You're not?" Sheep looked up, then finally noticed his missing right arm and red left eye, then saluted, or rather attempted to on reflex with his broken right arm and groaned, then did so successfully with the left, but still stiffly and awkwardly. "Oh! I'm sorry, Command-"

"Don't call me that! I never wanted to work for Porky, he forced me to!"

"But Porky said you voluntee-"

"He lied! And I didn't correct him 'cuz I wasn't myself, or else I never woulda wanted assholes like you under my command! You made Lucas cry..." Electricity crackled in his only remaining hand. It was so tempting.

But what would Mom think? What would Lucas think once he woke up, knowing saving Claus hurt or even killed someone else? Claus knew other people couldn't talk to animals like he and Lucas could, and then there was the whole calculation of differing lifespans and intelligence, and these outsiders had never spent time with the pets or livestock of Tazmily to develop any sort of attachment. They wouldn't know what his family's sheep meant to him or Lucas.

"N-no, I can't, this isn't what Luke would want...m'sorry..."

Claus let the sparks fade out leaving only a static tingle on his shaking hand. Time and again he'd proven his judgement couldn't be trusted. There was too much blood on this hand and the two hands he'd lost already, and now he didn't have the excuse of not being in control. Not that he'd had it for the Drago, or...himself...he didn't deserve this power to hold lightning and death in his hands and be judge, jury, and executioner anymore. He wished he'd never asked for it in that desperate rage the day after Mom died. He wished Aeolia had been wise enough not to give it to him in the first place. After all, he had a bad habit of repaying those who helped him with death, whether he wanted to or not.

"Easy now, my boy...you've had a long day, to put it mildly, no one can blame you for being short tempered now." Dr. Andonuts said, then looked at Sheep. "To answer your question, yes, that was a lie, Porky didn't want the soldiers to know their commander was being controlled against his will on top of being so young. I'd know, since I was the one who handled his reconstruction, so I have as much blame to shoulder as you if not more. I suppose I didn't destroy houses with lightning, but my work led to the Chimeras being created in the first place. Think on the bright side: you're young, so you have many years ahead of you to make up for it, you won't have to work half as hard as I will."

...Was that advice meant for him, too?

Sheep was still a nervous wreck when they left him behind. Since when could Lucas inspire such fear in people? Since when could Claus?

It made more sense the more he thought back to his memories as the commander. The Pigmasks were hardly an efficient fighting force. Only some of them had actual prior combat experience from the times they came from, and some of those previously trained in weapons were used to jobs like the police where they almost never faced an opponent capable of fighting back with equal firepower, let alone more. The same went for their role in New Pork City and the Nowhere Islands as a whole. So naturally cowardice was rampant the moment they caught a glimpse of Lucas and his friends' exploits, both their actual feats of heroism on top of all the lies and slander spread about them to try to make them seem like terrifying, vicious 'terrorists' that had to be crushed without mercy. They'd call a thirteen year old boy a 'young man' the same way they did with him to have all the soldiers push back any unsettling thoughts that they were working for or trying to kill a kid. And yet, at the same time, the public had to be reassured that the army would easily defeat any enemies of the law, as if the enemy was both strong and weak depending on what suited the narrative. The Pigmasks had no cause truly worth fighting for, only empty nationalism, money, fear of punishment, and delusions of grandeur. No wonder their morale crumbled so quickly in the face of adversity while Lucas was unshakable.

The commander hadn't had anything worth fighting for either. Even after Porky in some twisted way gave him the strength he'd wanted to kill the Drago, he never stood a chance against Lucas. He was nothing more than an empty shell of what he wanted to be, while Lucas shined brighter than either of them had ever imagined.

And yet once he got back, Lucas didn't seem strong at all. He was squirming in his bed just the way he had when they were little.

"Ngh...no, Claus, don't leave me..! I won't get in your way, I promise, but you don't know what'll happen if you go after the Drago!" Lucas mumbled.

---

Lucas ran after Claus in a nightmarish landscape of the graveyard except with all the bodies crawling out of their graves and the sky being a swirling red and black. Mom's hand burst from the ground and grabbed Lucas's ankle.

"Why couldn't you save me?"

"And you just let him go?! You fool!" An Eerie Smile manifested out of thin air and bit down on Lucas's other ankle. 'You fool' kept echoing in Grandpa's voice even after Lucas tore his feet free from both attackers.

"Let's switch places." Claus said while Lucas chased him and ran from the zombies. Then they were in the cave beneath New Pork City and the zombies were now the Pigmasks and all the other enemies that had attacked Lucas throughout his journey, and Claus was wearing his commander's outfit and helmet.

"The boy named Lucas is bullying animals...the boy named Lucas learned some bad magic..." Said a Monkalrus lying in a bloody heap just like other Chimeras up ahead that Lucas had fought in the past. Lucas tried not to trip over them while he kept chasing Claus.

Then they were in that sunflower field and Claus looked like he was ten but with blood pouring from his stump of a right arm and his eye, soaking the sunflowers red and making them wilt in a wave of decay around him.

"You wish it coulda been you, don't you? You wish I was the one losing you so you got to be with Mom again!"

Just when he finally started to catch up, they were at the edge of Drago Plateau and Mom's ghostly figure appeared floating in the sky. Claus jumped off the edge towards her.

Lucas ran up to the edge.

Then they switched places. He tried to hug Mom, but passed right through her intangible form without being able to feel her warmth.

"Why are you so selfish?" Claus said looking down from the cliffside as Lucas fell down towards the rocky ground.

Lucas screamed.

---

"Ahhh!" Lucas woke up with a scream too.

"It's okay, Luke, I'm here!" Claus instinctively tried to hug him from the side, but Lucas flinched away in fear the moment he saw his stump of an arm and that red eye. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to help!" Claus backed a few steps away but somehow that only made Lucas shudder more with sobs and hiccups.

"N-no, come back, I'm sorry, you just looked like, like, in the dream your arm was gone and you were bleeding and-!"

Claus stepped forward and Lucas didn't bother trying to finish his sentence and just clung to him for dear life while descending into wails and frantic breaths. Claus tried to hug back with the only arm he had left.

"I'm alright, so calm down, okay?" He tried to calm himself down too, upsetting as this was, because what kinda example was he giving him if he panicked too? He'd never been much good at calming Lucas down from his nightmares, usually Mom had to do it for him while he just groaned from being woken up. Lucas actually got being a deep sleeper from Dad, not Mom, while he and Mom were the light sleepers. Mom, unlike him, could handle all Lucas's night terrors with a smile, even in those days when they were based in no real danger or sadness except his fearsome imagination, then gently lull him back to sleep in a way Claus lacked the skill or patience for.

"Y'sure this ain't another d-dream?" Lucas said, his chest still heaving with shuddering breaths.

"No, this is real, you didn't imagine bringing me back! This is the real me...I think...but I know that me in your dream wasn't real, 'cuz I'd never say something so mean!" How could Lucas ever think he could?

"Y-you saw?!" They'd never been able to see each others' dreams like this before their PSI awakened, at least not so directly. They'd only get little feelings people could dismiss as just an especially strong sibling bond between twins. "I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to imagine you like that!" Lucas said.

"No, I'm sorry, it's not your fault your nightmares are like-"

"But I do that when I'm awake too!" Lucas sobbed. "I thought you'd be mad I didn't tell everyone to go look for you sooner! And 'cause I couldn't save you from the Pigmasks hurting you! I u-used your voice to be mad at myself..."

"I thought you'd be mad at me too, but you weren't! It's okay, I know you weren't trying to make me seem like a bad person, you just thought you were, but you were wrong!" Claus said while only able to hold one of Lucas's shoulders perhaps too tightly, trying to look him in the eye and get the message across. "I'm sure you didn't wanna make Grandpa seem mean, either..."

"But..."

"Grandpa wouldn't say something like that, right?"

"Ummm..."

"Grandpa wouldn't say something like that, right?!"

"Don't be mad please!" Lucas said wincing his eyes shut, and that made Claus wince in shame too. "It's not his fault, he didn't mean to, he said he was sorry, he was hurting too since Mom was gone and he thought you were too because of me!"

Another false image shattered like glass. He hadn't idolized Grandpa the way he did Dad, but Grandpa was still Mom's dad, wasn't he? How could someone like her come from someone capable of being so mean? Then again, he was Mom's son, and he'd ended up like this, so maybe the apple could fall far from the tree after all. Or maybe he took more after Dad and Dad wasn't like he thought...

"It was because of me, not you, he should've known that...wait, why didn't he move back home and take care of you if Dad was always away looking for me? We coulda made space for his animals back on the farm and moved 'em there..."

"That's 'cuz the Pigmasks blew up his cabin with lightning, and then they put Grandpa in the old folks' home with Wess and Mike...I did visit him sometimes, though, and he was real sorry..."

Suddenly he was glad he'd discovered this only after meeting Sheep. Of course, the commander had already known about the demolition of homes, including Alec's, it was just a matter of putting the information in context in his brain.

"Well, they're not gonna boss us around any more, and if they try, I won't let 'em! Grandpa better be sorry, and he better make up for not being there for you enough just like Dad. I'm gonna be there for you, too, I'll stay right here..." Honestly, he wanted to yell and scream a lot more in perhaps for once justified anger for Lucas's sake, but what good had that ever done him? It took all his restraint to keep his mouth shut for now and just give Lucas a tight hug again. Well, as tight as a one armed hug could be.

"Okay...just don't leave me again, I can't bring you back a second time..."

Slowly, Lucas's breaths started to slow down from their frantic pace as he cried into Claus's shoulder. The one that was still all flesh and blood. If he could still be a shoulder for his little brother to lean on, at least something was still right in the world despite all these turned tables. Er. Not that he wanted Lucas to cry and need his help. But if he could still give that support, then he wasn't just a monster. As Lucas's sobs quieted down, he ran his hand through Lucas's hair gently just like Mom did when he had those nightmares, albeit more awkwardly. Just like Lucas had for him after bringing him back. Just like Dad had a little while ago.

If some part of each of them had died with Mom, then did some part of her live on through them...?

Since when did he get his head in the clouds all philosophical like that? Wasn't that Lucas's thing? Fact was, she was gone, and they'd have to live with that somehow...

Lucas didn't pass out in his arms this time, but he managed to get back to sleep surprisingly quickly despite everything. Maybe he really was that exhausted.

So was Claus. For a while, it was hard to sleep, distracted by his thoughts and if he concentrated, the sensation of his missing arm and even his fingers. But eventually, his body gave in to fatigue.

...

Claus didn't sleep peacefully either. This time his imagination gave him a nightmare where he hadn't been able to stop himself from killing Lucas and his friends and waking up the Dragon, tearing the islands to pieces.

The Commander usually didn't wake up shouting from nightmares like this. Usually. It just shuddered and kept all its feelings it wasn't meant to have to itself, ran through all the calculations and data and directives it could to put its thoughts as far away from those hazy lost memories as it could, to be anything but Claus. He'd been afraid part of him was just a machine taught to act like a person, but maybe it was the other way around...he was the one acting like a machine to escape feeling like a human being...but now he couldn't escape anymore, and all the feelings he'd put behind that dam were flooding him now.

Somehow, Lucas was at his side quickly despite how much of a heavy sleeper he was, it must have been because of whatever telepathic link they had as psychic twins acting up.

"It's okay, Claus, I'm right here!" Lucas tried to hug him, but Claus held out his shaky left arm to keep him away.

"It's not your fault, but I can't, I dreamed about hurting you, about killing you!"

"But you didn't, that wasn't real..."

"It could've been! It was so hard to get back to being myself again, what if it hadn't worked?"

"Well...then I would've forgiven you."

"But I wouldn't deserve it! You should still be mad I hurt you so much, I'm a m-monster..." He sniffled.

"I wish you wouldn't call yourself names like that." Lucas looked so hurt. How could he project his self-loathing onto him like that? "But it doesn't matter what names you call yourself, you can't make me stop loving you."

Claus sobbed and gave in to the urge to cling to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put me being mad at myself on you! I just can't take it...I'm scared...I still feel like I wanna die, even though I know I shouldn't, but I don't wanna hurt you..."

"And you're not gonna. It's okay, calm down...I know it's hard, but you said you wouldn't hurt yourself, and I trust you...I'm scared too, but we'll get through this together..."

"But this isn't right, I don't wanna be a burden on you like this! I'm supposed to be the one protecting you! You're hurting enough already and now I'm making you deal with me being a crybaby!"

"You're not a burden, Claus, I'd feel worse if I didn't help, and you've been through even worse. You don't gotta do anything special to protect me, just seeing you okay is all I need to be happy..."

"Then I'm a hypocrite! I felt good helping you, too, but I still hate making you take care of me...I know you like it, but it's just, I'm supposed to be the big brother! Right? And if I'm not, if I'm the weak one now and I can't help you back, then I can't do anything to make up for all the awful stuff I did..."

"I keep telling ya it's not your fault, and you've done plenty already, you helped me when I had a nightmare too. Just having you back has already made me so happy. I missed you so much..."

"I missed you too, Luke! I didn't even remember you, but everything felt wrong without you and Mom..."

"I know...just breathe, okay?" Lucas said holding him gently and trying to calm him down. "Just keep breathing and waking up every morning. I know it's hard and you're overwhelmed by everything, I am too, but we'll take it one step at a time together."

"Okay..."

Somehow he got at least a few more hours of sleep.