Chapter two. Hope you stuck around. :) (I do not own Twilight...)
The water was surprisingly warm, soothing against my skin. It felt wonderful. I never experienced anything like this in Forks, where the water was always cold. But here—this was perfect.
The closer I got to him the more self conscious I felt. I tried to put my hair in front to cover my breasts, cover them even a little. My breasts weren't the biggest, nor the perkiest. I remember Edward telling me that my body was perfect, so beautiful, but I never really believed it.
I've seen other girls with stunning bodies, nothing like mine. My own body always felt more childlike. I've never felt confident about it, though I know everyone has their insecurities. Well, everyone except Rosalie. But I remind myself I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Lost in thought, I hadn't realized how far I walked and was standing right next to Edward. I looked up at him through my eye lashes, only to be met by his golden eyes, gazing back at me.
We stood there for what felt like an eternity, locked in a gaze. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander downward, stopping at his chest. It was so sculpted, so strong, as if carved by the gods themselves. What had I done to deserve this?
Without a moment's hesitation, my hand instinctively reached out to caress him. He closed his eyes, surrendering to my touch. I traced the contours of his chest, my fingers gradually descending, too apprehensive to glance down and confront what lay ahead. I halted my hand at the water's edge, lifting my gaze to his face to seek reassurance that I hadn't crossed a line. His eyes opened slowly, locked onto mine, searching for an understanding of my feelings. Then, slowly, his gaze drifted down to my body, absorbing every aspect of who I was.
He slowly took his hand, taking my hair and pushing it to my back, seeing every inch of me. My first instinct was to put it back but I just stood there, trying my best to read the emotions on his face.
His hand was tracing my outer breast until he finally cupped his hand around me. His hand was so big compared to me. My breast was enough for a handful but not overflow. The touch of his hand was electrifying, his cool skin sent tingles down my spine. I closed my eyes as he took his other hand to feel both of my breast, cupping me. I leaned into his touch, wanting more. I took a step closer to him until our body's touch.
I feel it!
He was naked too, just like me. A wave of relief washed over me, and I exhaled deeply.
It felt so unfamiliar against me. I have felt Edward hard before during our intense make out sessions, but it was always behind his jeans. He would always stop me if my hands slipped a little to close. I still didn't dare to look down, afraid of how big it actually was.
It slowly dawned on me that I was standing there, still staring at his chest, overwhelmed by what I had just felt. His hands never left me; they slid down my sides, settling on my hips. I could feel his gaze on me, but I was too afraid to meet his eyes. Afraid of what I might see there...
"Bella?" He whispered, lifting his hand up to my chin, lifting my face to him.
Our eyes met again, and I saw worry flicker across his face. I couldn't tell if it was because I was standing there awkwardly or if he wasn't ready for what might come next.
To tell the truth, I didn't know what I wanted to happen next. I know this was the point where we were supposed to make love, but did I want that? Was he ready? This whole time I've got here, I've felt nothing but fear and worry. Not about the process but why its happening. What if I'm just forcing him into this? What if he's only doing this because he promised. Is this really how I want our first time to be?
His voice brought me out of my thought. "Is something wrong my love?"
"No, nothing really.." I lied.
"Please, tell me, I know when your lying.." He asked with a worried look.
Damn it..
"It's just that.. You're really big.." I said lowering my head, hiding in my hair.
He made a low chuckle and put my hair behind my ears. "I'm glad you think so, although, I've only thought of myself as average." He stated.
Average! If this was average then I didn't want know what above average was.
"You seem worried love." He said, his eyebrows coming together with worry.
I was... Now what?
"No, I'm fine, really..." Another lie.
"Please don't worry about the size of me love, I know it will perfectly fine." He said with a confident look.
...
I've never heard him talk like that, even his reassurance sounded erotic... I'm not used to this type of conversation, it's very different than anything we've talked about.
"I know..." That was all I could manage to say. There was nothing else I could think of. I'd wanted this since the first week we started dating, and now, it was finally about to happen. So why was I just standing there, doing nothing?
It was awkward, I didn't move but I didn't take my eyes off him either.
I wanted to know how he felt, if this was what he wanted too. Maybe that's why I was to afraid to move.
He then pulled my hips toward him, making me feel every inch of him. At this point, I had to look down, my curiosity got the best of me. My eyes traveled down to see what rests against my stomach. What I saw, did not look average to me.
Average my butt.
My eyes widen by the sight of it. I've never actually seen a penis in real life before. Pictures yeah, in Biology or an unsolicited message on the internet...But never in real life.
I wonder if he's fully hard, or does this average thing get bigger.
I wanted to touch it, feel it against my hand. I looked up to him, my eyes asking for permission, hands still at the edge of the water.
He could only give me a slight nod as I slowly slid my hand lower, heading straight were I wanted. I felt so nervous in that moment, knowing I'm about to touch Edward.. My husband for the first time. My hand finally reached its destination, wrapping around the length of him.
It felt cold... And hard too, but not like the rest of his body. I've never felt anything like it. It felt so good, I don't think I would ever get tired of this feeling.
I tried wrapping my hand around the, so called average, thing and I barely made a full circle with my hands.
He let out a breath in response, giving a quiet low moan.
Ok...That was hot!
I've heard him moan before but this was different... Mainly because my hand is wrapped around him... But still, I wanted to hear it again.
I started moving my hand up and down, getting the feel of how long he actually was.
"Oh, Bella.." He moaned my name.
Guess I'm doing something right.
It then moved in my hand. Like actually moved! The damn thing felt like it got bigger as it twitched.
It's alive!
I was about to pull my hand away only to be stopped by the swift movement of Edward. His hand now holding my face as the other held my hand in place.
"Please.. Don't stop." He said in a low voice.
Those words gave me all the confidence I needed. He took his hand and brought mine back to were it was. He started helping me stroke him.
This is hotter!
I've never seen this side of Edward. He's always been so careful, never going as far as making out and slight touches. But this... this felt like crossing a line. It almost made me want to stop, as I remember all the times he told me this could never happen.
It felt so good, but wrong at the same time. Like I was breaking the rules that have been put in place our whole relationship. Rules he made to keep me safe. Rules because he was determined not to have sex with me as a human.
Wait a minute..
He made these rules because he didn't want to have sex with me as a human. He didn't want to hurt me... if he hurt me, it would kill him. And now, he's breaking the rules because I asked him to, because I made him promise.
Why did it make me feel so predatory... I didn't want him to think the only reason I married him was for sex. I mean, I do want it... But at what cost?
I was making him do something he didn't want to do. The only reason he was probably going along with it was because he promised. And I knew Edward...Ever since he left me, he'd never break a promise again. He would do anything in his power to keep it, even if it meant forcing him to do something he didn't want to.
Did he even really like it? Was this all an act? No... He wouldn't do that... Would he?
Oh god, what have I done. I shouldn't have came out here naked, I shouldn't have said yes to swimming. Edward would never break a promise... How stupid could I be? This isn't what he wanted, he never wanted this.
Luckily his eyes were closed, breathing hard as he still strokes himself with my hand. He didn't see my internal struggle with what to do next.
Just an act... How much could he really enjoy this... It's just him keeping a promise.
I had to do something, I couldn't let this go any further. If I did, I don't think I could forgive myself, pressuring Edward into something like this.
I tried pulling my hand away, to no avail, his eyes still closed. Did he not feel me pull?
I pulled again, harder this time. He opens his eyes and let's my hand go immediately. I didn't realize how hard I was pulling until I fell back into the water.
He quickly pulled me back up before fully being submerged. I still made a splash and got water everywhere on us. My hair, now soaked and water droplets running along his face.
Why do I do this to myself.
The way he pulled me out of the water made most of my naked body exposed to him.
"Bella! Are you..." His voice cut off. His eyes roaming my body. I look down to see what he saw. I felt the need to cover myself, but with what? Water? There was nothing I could do as he takes every inch of me in.
He's my husband. He's my husband. I kept repeating that in my mind. I knew he was going to see this one day...
I let a few seconds pass but slowly climbed out of his arms.
His eyes snapped back up, shaking his head a bit. "Bella! Are you alright, did you get hurt?" he asked in a panicked voice.
"No, I'm fine, I just..." Think Bella, think.
"I just think it's getting late, I'm pretty tired from the boat ride here." I faked a yawn.
He gives a confused look, realizing I wasn't hurt. "Really? You didn't seem tired a minute ago." He raised an eyebrow and took a step closer to me.
I took a little step back to keep a distance between us. Didn't want that average thing touching me again, otherwise I don't think I could resist.
"Yeah, it just hit me, must have been the food I ate before the boat. I did eat a lot. That kind of stuff makes me sleepy, soooo I think I'll head to bed." I turned on my heel before he could respond and made my way to land.
I couldn't go that fast because of the water but I was trying. I didn't dare turn around to look at him, to afraid of what I might see. In a way, he's not technically breaking his promise.
Once I got to land, I grabbed the towel off the sand, wrapped it around me, and walked back to the bedroom. I could feel him staring a hole in my back.
I thought I heard his voice whisper a "but...but.. " but ignored it and kept walking.
He should be happy that I stopped. Another day of not breaking his rules. I knew at some point he would want to fulfill his promise. But I couldn't just tell him I didn't want to have sex anymore, I've been begging so long for it. I also couldn't tell him I was scared because he would know I was lying. I would jump off a cliff for him or cut my arm in front of crazy hungry vampires for him. Me, scared of sex? Not the most believable...
But I am terrified, not of sex, but of the regret that could come with it.
I want him to feel comfortable and be able to loose control. Something that is not bound to a promise.
So with that decision, I think I can wait a little longer, maybe even until I'm changed.
Follow the rules a little longer. I could do that right? Turning him down tonight wasn't too hard.
All I have to do is copy the same thing he's been doing to me since we got together... Little ironic.
I finally make it to the bedroom, throw on some clothes that didn't seem too revealing and laid down. I knew Edward was still out there, probably shocked that I just walked away from that. But in a way I was kind of proud. I turned down sex from Edward. It felt like winning a trophy but loosing a Marathon at the same time...
I wonder if Edward felt the same thing when he did this to me.
Wait.. Did I just pull an Edward?
See you next chapter!