Chapter 24

Prologue

The weeks following Thanksgiving came and went as quickly and as cold as a snowball. The days seemed to blur together into one, each one rolling into the next.

Event planning was at the height of its busy season at the Country Club. There was always something to set up or take down. Holiday parties, fundraisers, winter weddings, you name it. It was busy and hectic at times but at least I could say I was finding fulfillment in what I was doing. I was really growing into my role here. People trusted me, relied on me, and asked for my opinion on all sorts of things. I guess being the captain of a Volleyball team had taught me a thing or two. It taught me how to be a leader. How to problem-solve on the spot. How to motivate a team of people to come together and achieve a common goal. I still couldn't believe that I got to call this my job because sometimes it truly didn't feel like one.

I had also re-discovered another passion of mine through event planning: Floristry. My favorite events were the ones where we got to work with real flowers, not fake. I think my love for flowers had always been there. When you grow up with someone as magical as Susannah, who always had fresh florals in every room, you learn to appreciate them. I enjoyed taking care of her garden back at the beach house. Sometimes I would talk to her out loud as I patted the soil as if she was right there in a lounge chair with a glass pitcher in her hands, listening to me. It was like a link home to her without it hurting too much. It planted an idea in my head that maybe one day I could save up and open my own flower shop in Cousins. One right next to Rosie's. I could name it after Susannah to honor her memory. I think my mother would like that. When I had briefly mentioned the idea to Conrad over the phone a few weeks back, he said he'd help me. He said he'd be my first customer and it had put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

Conrad and I had gotten a pretty good handle on this whole long-distance thing. I'd finally come to terms with the fact that not seeing each other for a few weeks at a time was our new normal but knowing it was only temporary, until his graduation in the Spring, made things easier. We made the most out of it. Whether it was a late-night Facetime, a quick text in the middle of a busy work day, or a five minute phone call, we found ways to check in and prioritize each other. We found ourselves eating breakfast and dinner on Facetime more often than not. We had even started sending each other pictures of our day back and forth. Sometimes selfies too which was a new thing considering Conrad wasn't a selfie person at all. Ha! My favorite one he had sent me was long after I had fallen asleep one night. He was in his bed wearing a white t-shirt about to go to sleep himself but his smile in it was everything. He had sent the picture with the following text: Missing my girl a little extra tonight. With a kissing face emoji. When I woke up the next morning, I immediately saved it to my favorites. I swear the favorites folder on my phone was just an entire photo album dedicated to him at this point.

Although we hadn't been in the same room for weeks, I felt closer to Conrad now than ever. Long distance had put our relationship to the test but it had also strengthened us in ways we needed. It forced us to be more direct in our communication which had never really been our strong suit and to not waste the time that we did have together. We were in the healthiest place we'd ever been not only as a couple but as individuals too. We were growing into our adult selves. Our careers. This new chapter of our lives and the best part was we were doing it all together. It was just so nice to have someone there for you the way we were there for each other. So incredibly sweet to have someone who asks about your day and who remembers the little things. Someone who cheers you on. Someone to laugh with. Someone to confide in. Conrad was an excellent listener and I think I had taken that for granted in the past. Between his hilarious horror stories from clinical rotations and my event planning fails, we never ran out of things to talk about. We could talk for hours and it felt just like it used to when we had dated the first time around but also fresh and exciting because we were in a completely different stage of life now. We were growing into the couple and people we were meant to be all along. It didn't matter how many miles were separating us or how many weeks we would go without seeing each other in person, our love was there and it was real. It was strong. It was ever-evolving. Conrad wasn't just my boyfriend anymore. He was my best friend and I was his too. In fact, he had told me so the other night.

We had gotten into the habit of falling asleep on Facetime because it was the closest thing we had to falling asleep together. The conversation had naturally died down between us and he had been quiet for awhile. I thought he had fallen asleep and I was on the verge of joining him until I heard him say:

"You are my best friend, Isabel Susannah Conklin."

It was the way he said the words that had jolted my heart awake. The way he said my full name with a certain stillness and reverence. The words were heavily laced with emotion and even though I already knew we were each other's best friend. We were each other's everything now, the way he said them made me want to cry. I was about to open my eyes and tell him that he was mine too but he was already saying something before I could.

"Did you know that?" Conrad whispers. "I hope you do."

A small smile forms on my lips in the dark. Of course I knew because he was mine too. Conrad stares up at his ceiling with an arm bent behind his head, almost as if he's talking to himself, thinking out loud.

"Sometimes I just can't believe it still." He shakes his head. "How despite everything, we really did find our way back to each other." His voice cracks. "That I have my girl back."

I felt like I was holding my breath as I lay there in my bed, completely still in the dark, listening to him. I could listen to him talk for hours. I could fall asleep to the sound of his voice like midnight waves lapping on the shore. It felt like the entire world was asleep except for the two of us. Everything was so quiet and tranquil, making his words stand out even more.

"I don't know how I ever did life without you, sweetheart." His words take me by surprise again, leaving me breathless. He'd never called me that before. "And I don't know when or how it all happened, Belly, but somewhere along the way, you became my favorite person." I can hear the smile in his voice. "My absolute best friend." He thinks about the ring, the future that lies ahead of them. "And that will never change."

I was grateful it was too dark for him to see me because I was crying now. I keep my eyes closed as silent tears fall onto my pillow and I let his words caress me. They hold my heart in a way only he can. I didn't have to see his face to know he meant every word. I could feel it. That's how strong our love was. It was a love that lights up the dark.

"You will always be my Belly." His soft voice starts to slip into sleep. It all was much too precious. Much too perfect for my little heart. I honestly thought I had been dreaming it all up until he whispers one last thing, "My Belly Bear."

My eyes flutter open in the dark.

Belly Bear.

Wow. When was the last time I had been called that?

Long before Junior Mint, there had been a teddy bear Susannah had given me when I was just a baby. I never slept without it. It was a nickname the grown ups had given me and it just sort of stuck since I used to drag that teddy bear everywhere. One time I had lost it down at the beach when I was really little and Conrad had spent hours searching for it in the rain. When he had come back inside an hour later, his clothes completely drenched, he had held out the teddy bear to me and I remembered hugging him so hard I couldn't stop crying as a toddler.

"Thank you, Conrad." I had sniffled, my voice shaky and tearful, into his shirt. "You're my bestest friend."

Laurel and Susannah exchange smiles as they watch the two of them hug.

Young Conrad had hugged me back and said, "You too, Belly Bear."

I started to hate the nickname as I got older because Steven would use it against me to taunt me or make me feel like the outsider. But after that day, Conrad started to call me it more and more and I started to hate it less and less. I loved the way he said it and pretty soon he was the only person who still called me that. It was like our thing.

The old nickname opens up a floodgate of memories playing like old film in my mind:

"Want a popsicle, Belly Bear?" Six year old Conrad smiles, holding out my favorite flavor, without even needing to ask me which one is my favorite because he already knew.

"1, 2, 3. Belly Bear Flop!" Seven year old Conrad laughs with the boys, catapulting me into the pool, creating a large splash.

"Woah! Did you see that one, Belly Bear?" Nine year old Conrad points towards the sky, keeping one hand on my leg, as I sit high on his shoulders to watch the Fourth of July firework show. At one point, he used my hand to point out the fireworks exploding into the sky. Little did I know, he would use that same hand to point out constellations when we would stargaze all these years later.

"Hey, Belly Bear?" Eleven year old Conrad pops his head in my room with a backwards ballcap and glasses on, smelling like fresh cologne. "Want to come to the boardwalk with us?"

I had completely forgotten about all of those memories until now. I was surprised he had even remembered himself but then again, Conrad remembered everything. He truly had the memory of an elephant. This was my favorite Conrad. The sentimental one. The one I had grown up with and fell in love with. The boy who taught me how to dance. The boy who had always stuck up for me. The boy who had cared enough to spend hours on a rainy beach, searching for my lost teddy bear, which camouflaged annoyingly well into the sand. In a sense, it hits me at that very moment, that Conrad Fisher had arguably been my very first and truest friend in this life. I make sure to tell him that even though I could tell he was asleep by the way he was breathing.

"Thank you, Conrad." I whisper. "You're my bestest friend too." I repeat what I had said to him as a toddler. "Goodnight."

I end the Facetime call and I slip into the deepest, most peaceful sleep, with Junior Mint tucked into my arms. I bet we still had that teddy bear somewhere in the garage somewhere. Susannah held onto things like that. I make a mental note to look for it one of these days.

December had been more than good to us but there were hard days. Days where we missed each other like crazy. Days where we barely got to talk, or when we did, one of us fell asleep by accident from how hard we'd both been working. Days where I would scroll through his pictures, jealous of the people who got to see him everyday, watching his life pass by through pictures on a screen. Days where my fears and doubts would get the best of me but my mother's advice from Thanksgiving is what helped me get through those days. I just had to trust in what we have and what we were building together. That's it. That's all I could control. But luckily, this week I didn't have to do any of that. I didn't have to miss him through the phone. I didn't have to fall asleep on Facetime, wishing I was in his arms instead, because it was the week of Christmas and everything that had been keeping us apart would finally be put on pause. Conrad and I were about to spend our first Christmas together in years, tucked away in the mountains with my family. The ski trip my mother and Cleveland had invited us all on was finally here. It was happening! And I just knew it was going to be nothing short of magical.