5:20 am. 28, Sunday October, 2007
…
I didn't go to sleep right away after my previous entry. I couldn't sleep. Not for awhile at least.
I checked the bedrooms, Michael was snoring asleep, Kristen and Serenity were asleep. Jarrett and Seth were still up, his light was on and I can hear their muffled and mumbled words through the door. I checked on Liam in my room, he cooed when I gazed down at him in his crib.
He looks like him more every time I take a moment to observe him, he's so tiny and so innocent. He's just a baby but he brings so much… trauma with him and I know I'm still not dealing with it all right. I don't know if I could truly take dealing with the past, I can't think about it and I love this little boy. I love him to death.
I smiled down at him putting my hands on the rails of the crib, "You wanna watch a movie?"
He cooed again, smiling. I don't think there's any kind of smile like an infants. Or maybe it's his smile. There's no love like a love for a baby. I didn't hear his door open but I felt Jarrett's presence in my room before he even spoke.
"You're still awake?" Jarrett asks quietly.
I glanced over at him leaning against my doorway, "Liam and I are going to watch a movie?" I picked Liam up from the crib settling him in my hip and grabbing his blanket as Jarrett rebuttable.
"It's midnight."
"And?"
"Michael has work at 2."
"Okay? Thanks for the reminder, Dad."
"You're never up this late."
"And?"
"That's it. You're never up this late."
"Do you want to watch a movie too?" I asked while passing him with my quilt and pillows.
"Mortal Kombat?"
"Really?"
"Kind of." He shrugged, his eyes screaming please.
"Fine."
I put my quilt down and the pillows and let Liam roam free in the kitchen as I looked around the same room. Okay, Embry wasn't bad and I wasn't going to be hard ass maybe a little bit there was nothing to really complain about. He's a good kid. I looked around at what we had for food for the weekend and it was already pretty scarce.
"You know the milk is going to grow a pair of legs and jump out and put on the Nutcracker," Jarrett remarks.
I snorted once, "Wouldn't that be something." I replied absentmindedly, I closed the fridge door and walked over to Liam pulling out a pan from a bottom cabinet.
"We have food, Kay."
"We have food until Monday… my check is over to cover rent and bills until Michael gets his check. And then more food. I don't have money for day care, at all or anything for Liam."
"We'll be fine."
"Right." I muttered while walking to the front door after a short knock. Jarrett took Liam from me as I passed him and Seth. "What time is it?" I asked stopping before I went further to the door.
"Twelve forty—"
Another knock to the door.
I turned back to Jarrett, "Go back upstairs. Take Liam with you."
"Makay—"
"Jarrett, it's midnight."
"Do you think—"
Another knock, more impatient.
"Come on, Seth." Jarrett walls over to the staircase, Seth looked between the door and me before following him.
My heart was racing in my chest. Something was telling me to run out the back door with the kids. I opened the front door and my heart dropped into my stomach. I recognized the suits of the state and Charlie Swan immediately, I didn't need for them to speak to know that it was CYS.
"Makayla Ialman?"
"Yes."
"Hello, Ms. Ialman. My name is Brent Hall and this is my partner, Cheyenne Min, we are with…" And it was happening again.
Jarrett with Liam in his arms, Seth, Michael and Kristen were standing at the top of the staircase when I turned around and stepped aside to let the authorities in. Charlie scrutinized me as he walked in and stopped slightly turned towards me.
"Makayla," He greets, I nodded once, "We received a call from Christian Yvonne about domestic disturbances and the consumption of drugs."
"Christian?" I repeated.
"Christian?" Michael and Jarrett repeated in emotions that I was completely numb too.
"Christian did this?!" Jarrett demanded glaring at the small group of
"Are you serious?" Michael demanded.
"What is this?!" Jarrett snapped.
"Michael. Jarrett."
"Right to the point huh?" Cheyenne Min smirked like she was not the least surprised but she was.
"Damn right."
"Jarrett."
"Your routine drug test came back clean but they insisted on checking on the home." Charlie says looking up the staircase.
"Bullshit. Charlie, they're gonna take us. Don't let them do this!"
"Jarrett."
"They don't just check and leave. They check and they kidnap!"
"Jarrett. That is enough." I snapped steely.
The twins from hell looked over at me with questioning eyes once Jarrett finally didn't say anything after a long look at me.
"Be my guest."
I stood in the midst of the house being torn apart. The kids were taken outside and were not handling any of this well. And then the worst thing in the history of the world happened. I prayed that I was dreaming, I prayed that everything was just a dream and I could have the excuse to be crazy when I wake up.
"Please. Please. Please! Please! Don't! Everything is how I was instructed to do! Please! Please don't take my kids!" Was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever said in my entire life.
I.
I can't even believe it happened. I can't even believe.
I don't know what to do. I didn't sleep, I spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch with my quilt and pillows, all the movies and CDs out on the floor along with the couch pillows. I stared at the door until early morning hours and then I was up and out the door.
I spent the whole day looking for jobs and talking with Charlie at the station. I was losing my mind, panicking, trying to figure out how to get my kids from going to Seattle or getting them out of Seattle. I was at the station before Charlie even pulled into the parking lot, I talked to him first about Christian and the history, all of the documents from the hospital the lawsuits literally anything that I thought would give me something. Any leverage, anything. And then I was in throughout the day on panic mode, I think he mainly ordered me to stay in the house until my next shift on Monday was a secret motive to sabotage me. I think I was honestly losing my mind because I seen Seth at least once every place that I went to, quickly before I continued on in my insanity. I pulled money out of the account I put all of the money in from the benefit and the house, I put it towards the house and spent hours calculating and planning.
Well all after I cleaned the house while took two hours in itself, and then I cleaned again. I showered and then I did all of my calculations and planning. And now it's Sunday morning, and I'm looking out the window with light snow flurries blowing around outside. I'm still waiting for this to be a dream.
I don't know what to do. I need them back. I need them all back. *Tears dripping and falling onto the page. Crinkling and creasing the notebook paper.*