Chapter 7: The Anxiety

Claude was happy to find Esmeralda feeling better when lunchtime came. It was a relief to know that the worst of her pregnancy symptoms were contained to mornings, so she was still her usual self for the most part.

The couple planned to have lunch with Quasimodo, as they often did. A little family time would improve both their moods, and walking through town to Quasimodo's house would provide some fresh air and exercise, which Esmeralda was craving after spending the morning sick in bed. Claude was happy to forget about his work for a few hours, changing out of his robes and eagerly setting out with Esmeralda's hand in his.

Claude realized during the walk that his current mood was rather a good one. He still had his concerns about many things, but he felt hopeful with Esmeralda holding his hand, knowing that things would work out as long as they had each other.

They soon arrived at Quasimodo's house, but a knock on the door produced no response. Claude knocked again, but nothing happened.

"He's probably doing some woodwork in the back." Esmeralda suggested. "It's far enough to miss a knock."

"We'll let ourselves in, then." Claude decided.

It was normally improper to enter someone's house without their permission, but Quasimodo wasn't sensitive to this. Esmeralda and Claude were his family, so he trusted them enough to let them come and go as they pleased. This was not the first time they'd let themselves in, and likely not the last.

Once inside, it became apparent to them that Quasimodo was indeed in his woodwork room. They didn't see him as they looked around the house, so they journeyed to the back to find him.

"It must be quite the project if he's forgotten about us!" Esmeralda joked.

Claude chuckled, but he lost his smile as soon as he entered his son's workroom.

Quasimodo had apparently been doing woodwork earlier, as there were several new carvings scattered across the table he worked on. But he wasn't occupied with that now. Instead, he sat in a chair beside the table, whispering affectionately to Elaine, who was sitting on his lap.

Quasimodo and Elaine were totally captivated in each other, his hand caressing her thigh and hers stroking his muscular arm. They seemed to be in the middle of a flirtatious conversation, blushing and giggling at each other.

Claude and Esmeralda had stopped in their tracks by now, distracted by what they'd just walked in on. But it wasn't long before the young couple noticed them, suddenly jerking to look at the visitors.

"Oh!" Quasimodo blurted in surprise. "Father. And Esmeralda! Sorry I wasn't at the door. Elaine came over, and I lost track of time."

"So sorry!" Elaine added. "I didn't know you two were coming!"

Claude was still a little shocked by what he'd just seen, but Esmeralda offered a friendly smile.

"No worries." She assured. "I hope we're not interrupting anything!"

Elaine slid off of Quasimodo, allowing them both to stand.

"It's not a problem." Elaine promised. "I should be going back to the church soon, anyway."

"Why don't you join us for lunch first?" Esmeralda suggested.

Claude realized he still looked embarrassed and quickly forced a smile.

"Yes, why don't you?" He agreed. "We haven't seen you in some time."

"Your uncle won't mind." Quasimodo said to Elaine with a small smile.

Elaine smiled back.

"Lunch does sound nice." She admitted. "I've been missing you both!"

Claude had missed Elaine as well, but something about this meeting was secretly disturbing him.

Still, lunch was pleasant. Elaine was happy to talk about life at the church, and about the newly expected baby. She was very happy for Claude and Esmeralda, and just about as excited as Quasimodo was. It was easy to imagine the happy family those two would probably have someday, since they both seemed to like children so much.

Claude was able to forget what disturbed him for a while, since talking to Elaine always reminded him of how much he liked her. She was a lovely young woman, and a good match for Quasimodo.

But when Elaine got into a conversation with Esmeralda, Claude focused on his worries once again. He quietly asked Quasimodo to speak to him, and they went to another room for privacy.

Once they were alone, Quasimodo let out an uncomfortable sigh.

"I'm sorry for letting you walk in on that, earlier." He apologized. "That was embarrassing..."

"Think nothing of it." Claude brushed off. "It truly was nothing significant. But it did put a question in my head."

Quasimodo looked at Claude awkwardly.

"What is it?..." He asked uncomfortably.

Claude sighed, feeling equally uncomfortable. He didn't want to have this conversation, but his concerns would not let him avoid it.

"What do you do with Elaine when she comes here?" Claude asked reluctantly.

Quasimodo hesitated.

"Um..." He said uneasily. "Well... She helps with my art. And we play games. And sometimes we go for a walk. All normal things."

Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, Quasimodo was not a very good liar. Claude could tell that he was only pretending not to know the real intent of the question. But he didn't respond with "You know what I mean!" like some people would, since he really couldn't blame Quasimodo for not wanting to talk about this. Instead, he decided to spell out what he was really asking.

"I assume these normal things include... kissing." Claude explained.

Quasimodo looked even more embarrassed.

"Well... yes." He admitted. "I've already told you about that."

Quasimodo had never hidden the fact that he and Elaine kissed each other. He'd been quick to let Claude know when it started, being thrilled to experience his first kiss ever. Claude had been happy for Quasimodo then, and he still was. Still, something was bothering him.

"I'm only curious..." Claude started nervously. "...if you have done more than kissing."

Quasimodo was completely flushed. He was very hesitant to reply this time, still in shock.

"...Not much more." He finally replied. "Nothing more than what you saw earlier... We cuddle sometimes, but that's all. Honest!"

Claude felt bad for asking such an uncomfortable question. He hadn't meant to be overbearing.

"I'm not judging you, Quasimodo." He assured. "I've grown out of that. But most of the world has not, and I don't want a scandal to be made of you and Elaine."

Claude meant what he said. He didn't see the world the way he had for most of his life. Knowing Esmeralda had forced him to rethink everything, including religious beliefs in general and sex specifically. Another version of Claude had looked down on Esmeralda due to his (incorrect) assumption that she was promiscuous, but he'd later concluded that she wouldn't have lost any value if his assumption had been correct, her good heart being much more important than her virginity. Plus, Claude had come to realize that his entire view of sex had been warped for most of his life. He'd previously seen it as something unclean that he should feel guilty for desiring, but he now knew from his experiences with Esmeralda that sex could be healthy and even loving. He certainly wouldn't judge his son for wanting such a nice experience, but Claude was still aware that making love was generally not considered respectable for unmarried couples. And regardless of his personal thoughts on the matter, Claude did not want his son to be mistreated by the world. He'd already allowed that before, and he couldn't bear the thought of letting it happen again.

Quasimodo was calmer after the explanation. He responded with a less defensive tone.

"You don't need to worry about that." He assured. "I'm not ready for... more. Neither is Elaine. And we're not going to be ready until we're married, anyway. We've talked about it, and having to keep a big secret would be too stressful."

Claude believed Quasimodo this time. There was nothing deceitful in the way he spoke. Plus, his logic made perfect sense. Lying did not come naturally to either Quasimodo or Elaine, so it was logical that they would avoid a situation that made them have to lie. Of course they would, they were old enough to figure that out. They were adults. Claude was worrying too much. He decided he was being overbearing.

"Of course." Claude acknowledged. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I told you months ago that I wouldn't interfere with your choices, now that you're grown."

Quasimodo managed a smile.

"Well, I don't mind if you worry a bit." He assured. "Don't all parents do that?"

Not all... Claude thought. Not in this way, at least.

He knew exactly how his own parents would have reacted if they'd seen him with a woman the way he had just seen Quasimodo with Elaine. Claude still had a large scar from the day his parents had seen him kiss a girl. They'd certainly had their own worries, but not for his wellbeing. Claude didn't actually know what kind of worries most parents had for their children.

Once again, he was frightened by the fact that his main exposure to parenting came from abuse.

Claude leaned back in his chair with a yawn. He almost never went to bed immediately after dinner, but that idea was certainly tempting right now.

"You look awfully tired." Esmeralda observed.

"Another long day." Claude said disappointedly. "I don't know what I'll do if this continues."

He expected words of pity from Esmeralda, but he didn't receive them. Instead, Esmeralda got up from her own chair and walked until she was standing behind him. From there she put her arms down over him, her hands making contact with his torso. In a gentle yet suggestive manner, she touched the toned muscles that were hidden behind his tunic.

"I bet I could make you feel better." Esmeralda offered seductively.

Claude was immediately interested, since he hadn't received more than a kiss from his wife since she'd gotten pregnant. Of course, that was purely coincidental, a result of him being too busy with work. Claude had made many plans with Esmeralda in advance of trying for a baby, and one of the things they'd agreed on was that they wouldn't stop having sex on mere account of a pregnancy. They'd questioned if it was something they should do, since pregnancy was a considerable physical change, but in the end it hadn't been a concern. Some people believed that a pregnant woman shouldn't have intercourse, but neither Claude nor Esmeralda had ever heard of any negative consequences to having sex while pregnant. Claude had even heard quite a few men admit to being intimate with their pregnant wives, so he was sure he would have heard of the dangers if there were any. So, continuing to be sexually active had always been part of the plan. It still was, but there hadn't been much time for it with Claude's recent work schedule.

Once again, Claude was afraid that would be the case. He was rather tired right now. Not too tired to desire his wife, but tired enough that giving her good sex didn't feel realistic. He sighed at the realization.

"I'd love that." He admitted. "But I'm afraid I don't have the energy to give you much."

"You don't have to." Esmeralda assured. "You can just lie back and enjoy yourself."

"You ought to enjoy yourself too." Claude argued.

"I will." Esmeralda promised. "You know I love to please the man who pleases me."

Claude started to smile.

He loved when Esmeralda was seductive with him because it meant he'd done something right.

Esmeralda was someone who demanded to be treated well. That wasn't out of arrogance, as she wasn't arrogant at all. At times she even struggled to like herself as much as others liked her. Still, she was proficient when it came to knowing what she deserved. And one of the things she knew she deserved was a good lover, a man who respected her in bed and satisfied her just as he wanted to be satisfied.

Claude was that man. He always wanted her to enjoy it when he made love to her. And aside from being a good lover, he was a good husband. He kept Esmeralda happy in all parts of her life, so she was glad to do the same for him. A more selfish man wouldn't have been given this extra effort from her, but Esmeralda was willing to do her best for someone who did his best for her.

"I know you've been wanting attention." Esmeralda acknowledged. "Will you let me give it to you?"

Claude chuckled.

"If you're really so keen on it." He replied.

"I'm very keen on it." Esmeralda assured.

With that, she leaned over Claude's shoulder to kiss him. Claude didn't react to the kiss as strongly as Esmeralda gave it to him, but he still enjoyed the passion she put into it. She only stopped it to start kissing his neck, which made him sigh euphorically.

"Darling," Claude said with another chuckle. "We really ought to move to somewhere more private."

"Really?" Esmeralda joked. "Don't tell me you care if a servant walks in on us!"

Claude fully laughed.

It wasn't long before they made it to the bedroom and undressed. Claude laid himself on the bed, relaxing, and Esmeralda climbed on top of him. As promised, she took away every thought he had of his long day. She again kissed his lips and his neck, then continued down his body.

She dragged her fingers across his chest and down his strong abdominal muscles, gently kissing over the large scar that covered those areas. At times, Esmeralda had kissed that scar to comfort Claude at dark moments. But she wasn't doing that now. Right now it was only skin to her, she was just giving love to his body like she would to one that wasn't scarred. Claude had thought for too long that he would never experience this, that no woman would ever be attracted to him after seeing the painful mark. But Esmeralda was, and she treated his body like an attractive one.

All that could make it better was how attracted he was to her. As Esmeralda rose up from him, Claude looked at her adoringly. His eyes happily wandered over her gorgeous form. He was exhausted enough that he wasn't quite tempted to throw himself at her, but he still wanted to touch her. He put his hands on her hips and moved them up her waist, finally cupping her breasts. She exhaled in pleasure, smiling. Claude's expression matched hers.

Esmeralda was enjoying herself just as much as her husband was. Normally he did more than this, getting on top of her and thoroughly touching her in every sensitive place, just like she did for him. But for tonight, she was content to do most of the work. Esmeralda had been starving for any form of intimacy with Claude, and it did excite her to get her hands on him even if he couldn't return the favor as much as usual. She was thrilled by the feeling of his chiseled body, and by the euphoric look on his face.

She started to straddle his hips, taking his cock in her hand and stroking it the way he liked. Claude cursed under his breath, starting to moan his wife's name. Esmeralda touched his shaft even more excitedly, eager to take it and feel him the way she'd been dying to.

But suddenly, Esmeralda noticed that Claude's expression had changed to a blank one. She stopped and stared at his face, realizing there was a hint of stress in his eyes.

"Claude?" She said worriedly.

She was immediately afraid that he was suffering again. Claude was still overcoming the religious fears that he'd been brought up with, fears of being punished for so much as desiring a woman. Even though he now had a wife and no religious rule forbade him from having relations with her, there were times that he fearfully remembered not only the threats of punishment, but the punishment he'd actually received when he was younger.

Claude was better at handling those moments than he'd been at the beginning of his relationship with Esmeralda, but they had not fully ceased, and Esmeralda was still prepared for the occasional disturbance in bed.

"Claude, are you okay?" She asked with a little urgency.

Claude sighed when he saw his wife's concerned look. He blinked.

"I'm fine." He responded.

"Are you sure?" Esmeralda questioned. "Is it..."

"No, it isn't that."

"What is it then?"

Esmeralda climbed off of Claude, allowing him to sit up. She sat beside him, resting her hand on his.

Claude shook his head, lightly groaning.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's something silly. A pitiful reason to interrupt the moment."

"Well, it's clearly bothering you." Esmeralda observed. "Tell me what it is."

Claude hesitated.

"I was just thinking..." He said uncomfortably. "...that Quasimodo would probably like to find himself like this with Elaine."

Claude gestured to himself and Esmeralda, naked in bed.

Esmeralda gaped confusedly.

"Yes..." She agreed. "He probably would like that... So?"

"So I'm worried they'll both get into trouble." Claude explained. "I don't care what they do in private, but everyone else will! Imagine the scandal! The archdeacon's niece and the son of the Minister of Justice..."

Esmeralda wasn't sure what she'd expected to be on Claude's mind, but it certainly hadn't been this.

"You're really worried about that?" She asked in surprise.

"Of course I am!" Claude cried. "You saw what they were doing today. Even if they haven't done more, they must be thinking of it. And if they were caught-"

"Why would that happen?" Esmeralda interrupted. "If they really did... more, it's not like they would go around telling people."

"No, but they'd surely be questioned at some point, and I somehow doubt they could both keep a secret like that!"

"Well, maybe. But what makes you think they would do it? Even if Quasimodo asked, I don't think Elaine would agree. She'd never want to embarrass her uncle."

Claude paused to consider the thought. He supposed there was some accuracy to it. Elaine was not the epitome of a devout Christian girl, even though she'd nearly been a nun. But she did have much love and respect for her uncle, whom she would never want to reflect poorly on. Claude decided that Esmeralda was probably right about what Elaine would choose, but it didn't fully ease his worries.

"Whatever they do," Claude started again. "it does not guarantee that people won't think they are 'living in sin'! The more time they spend together, the more the neighbors will become suspicious!"

"No one would get that idea unless she was at his house late at night!" Esmeralda argued. "And they both know better than that! Elaine is never there past the afternoon. Even when they meet for dinner, Jean is there. It's not a cause for scandal."

Claude found Esmeralda's reasoning to be logical. Perhaps he was only overthinking.

"Have you talked to Quasimodo about this?" Esmeralda suddenly asked.

"...Yes." Claude confirmed.

"And what did he say?"

"That they're not ready and they'll get married first..."

"Do you not believe him?"

"I do, but right now they're in love and unmarried. The longer they stay like that, the more likely it is that they'll be accused of something, whether it is true or not."

Esmeralda knew that Claude had his fears for Quasimodo, but she'd never seen him get this worked up over them. Perhaps it was because he had so little control over this possibility compared to others that he was able to remain calm over.

"Claude," Esmeralda started. "I know you don't want anything bad to happen to Quasimodo, but you can't protect him forever. He's responsible for his life now, not you."

"I know that..." Claude said sadly. "I know he will make his own decisions, and I know I must let him. But the thought of anyone mistreating him again... What am I to do?"

"Trust him." Esmeralda insisted. "Elaine doesn't want to embarrass Jean, and Quasimodo doesn't want to embarrass her. They're smart, and they care about each other. They won't just fall into bed together, and they won't make anyone think they are."

"I like to think so. But suppose I'm wrong..."

"It's best not to worry so much about things you can't control."

Claude knew Esmeralda was right. There was no sense in letting this bother him so much. He needed to try to let it go.

"You're right..." Claude said with a heavy exhale.

Esmeralda caressed his arm and shoulder.

"Just try not to think about it." She advised.

Claude nodded.

He suddenly felt guilty for making her need to talk him through something with such a simple solution. It wouldn't have been the worst thing normally, but Claude wished he hadn't cut off a pleasant (and overdue) moment.

"I didn't mean to ruin the moment." Claude said regretfully. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Esmeralda assured. "If you need to talk, you need to talk."

Claude remembered why he loved her so much. He wanted to remind her just how much.

He touched her jaw, leaning in until his lips touched hers. He kissed her with a gentle passion. Esmeralda kissed him back, but not as strongly as he'd hoped for. Claude frowned when the kiss stopped.

"You're not in the mood." He observed.

Esmeralda looked down. She shook her head.

"I'm just getting tired..." She explained. "I'm sorry. I really wanted to make you feel good."

"You did." Claude assured. "We may not have finished, but it was quite nice." He smiled. "And you did help me let go of a senseless worry."

Esmeralda barely smiled. She naturally wished the night could have been more fun for both of them, but at least it had been somewhat successful.

"I'll make it up to you tomorrow." Claude promised. "Or whenever you want."

Esmeralda's smile grew at the idea.

"I'll be looking forward to it." She said in a seductive yet sleepy tone.

She soon fell asleep in Claude's arms, which, in a way, was just as good as sex.

As the couple both drifted off to sleep, they each had their own troubling thoughts.

Claude was realizing something he didn't like: that he had been a father for over twenty years and was only now learning how to be a good one. And if it was so hard to be a good parent to his adult son, how was he going to handle a child?

With Esmeralda... Claude told himself.

The answer was in the woman he presently held. He could do it with her. Together, they could handle raising a child.

Esmeralda was thinking about something totally different. She felt a rush to have more intimate nights with Claude, but not because she desperately needed sex. She didn't mind if there were times when sex wasn't possible, she'd even told Claude that many months ago when he'd felt bad about his moments getting in the way. It was okay if that happened, and it was also okay if being overworked meant that Claude didn't take her to bed as much as usual. What made Esmeralda feel a sense of urgency was the fact that she didn't look pregnant yet. She felt the need to take advantage of that before her body changed in the coming months. Even though continuing their usual activities was what the couple planned, Esmeralda couldn't help the fear that some of her appeal would be lost when her pregnancy became visible. Claude had told her that wouldn't be the case, but she found it hard not to be insecure when she pictured herself that way, such an obvious change to the physique men had always wanted her for.

And yet, Claude's arms around her helped to ease that concern. He loved her. He'd been with her through everything. He would not lose interest in her so easily.

They would be there for each other.

I've been meaning to finish this chapter for a while, so I hope it turned out well!

Thanks for bearing with me. My writing has slowed down partly due to work, but I'm still committed to it because of how much fun I've had writing this series and how much kind feedback I've received from readers. Seriously, you people make me so happy! If possible I would like to get back to at least weekly updates, but I'll just have to see how things go.

For those who are interested, I have an additional series update! It's not any new content, but I've been thinking of taking all the flashback scenes from The Fire That Made Him and putting them in order as one story so you can read them chronologically. So if you see a new story from me very soon, it's probably that!

Thanks for reading!