AT COUNTY FURNITURE, 3:32 PM
"...my brother came in with this super soaker gun and fired sugar water at his principal. Mr. Gertz was swarmed with hummingbirds everywhere!" Maria said as she sipped in her fountain drink.
"We are here!" Maria's 18-year-old sister Donna declared as she parked her white sedan in front of the side of the furniture store. Its exterior was dark brown with red steel roofing and a sign with a motorcycle decal design and bold orange letters spelling out "COUNTY FURNITURE" hung over the entrance. When the group entered the store, it screamed what the one mock road sign defined manliness: fishing, campfires, hunting, unity, and adrenaline-laced altercations. The interior was decorated with American beech wood walls and support beams, hickory tree pillars, a forest-themed fountain with models of animals, a big campfire on one end, two sika deer models supported on platforms plastered to each huge square painting, and orange sun chandeliers. It had a strong scent of hickory-smoked fish with hints of raspberry and Metallica's "King Nothing" was playing over the radio. Zak's father Xavier was showcasing a recliner to Crysta's geometry teacher Mr. Danz. As Xavier's wife Natalie approached the two men, Xavier let her take over making a sale.
He spotted his son and hugged him, "Hey there, boy! It's nice to see you! How was school?"
"I met my old friends—Timothy and Raleigh—and made some new ones!" Zak said.
"You even befriended someone's mother?" Xavier asked, referring to Crysta.
"I am fourteen years old," Crysta corrected.
"You're kidding?" Xavier caressed his bushy beard and adjusted his brown bifocals.
"I wish I was."
Xavier walked behind the counter and drank his water, "Anyway, I am glad to see you kids coming to our store. I bet Zak showed you the commercial we sent to the local stations. It was a busy afternoon selling our furniture to customers."
"How much stock are we talking about?" Maria asked.
"Four recliners, two dining sets, a sofa, and a Jacuzzi."
Crysta was amazed, "Holy…fuck!"
Moving to a different topic, Maria asked, "Mr. Young, is there a condition in which someone pretends to be ill to receive attention and sympathy?"
As a customer walked to the counter to make a purchase, he answered, "Munchausen syndrome, miss."
"Oh! Thank you, sir!"
Zak backed up, "Now, Maria. We should not jump to conclusions when discussing medical conditions. We also want to know if this Keith Willis character is a fake."
Xavier exclaimed, "Keith Willis!—Son of Texas Willis, the businessman that runs hotels and casinos?"
"Yes!"
"Clearly, I think Keith Willis must have been diagnosed with Munch House Syndrome."
"Dad, two things," Zak held up two fingers, "1) It's Munchausen Syndrome, and 2) Keith is not showing signs of the disorder. He is pretending to have the disorder, so his dad will keep paying him generously with the money [his dad] 'earned' from his operations in Argentina, Venezuela, and the Middle East! What do those countries have in common, Dad?"
"I am not sure. If you want the answer, I would go ask either a banker or a lawyer."
Donna said, "Since I always wanted to be an accountant, we can ask a lawyer first."
Zak had no time to waste, "Okay! Let's go!"
Crysta waved to Xavier as she followed the group, "See you later, Mr. Young!"
AT THE LAW OFFICE, 4:02 PM
The group arrived at their destination as Crysta finished her Taco Bell order. With a stunned expression, Maria said, "First, you had a slice of pepperoni pizza from the cafeteria. Then, a hot dog, chips, and Code Red Mountain Dew from a Circle K. Now, food from Taco Bell?!"
Crysta said, "Two grilled steak tacos, a 7-layer burrito, a Mexican Pizza, and a caramel apple empanada."
"God! It's no wonder you are getting big in the right places!" Maria's shock turned into amusement as she groped Crysta's huge backside. The great force made the latter get an erection and grow weak at her knees. She held on to the side of the sedan and stared at her pulsing penis reaching ten inches long and one and a half inches wide. "Shit-shit-shit-shit! Not now! Not now!" Crysta thought.
Maria looked over at Crysta's situation and made a straight face, "Uh…"
Crysta began to panic. She continued thinking, "It's fucking over! She knows I have a cock and she's going to tell everyone about it!"
Maria calmed Crysta down, "Crysta! Crysta! It's okay!... Uh-huh, it's okay."
The two hugged each other to settle things down.
Maria continued, "Crysta,... I'm quite surprised you turned out this way. I am impressed!"
"Excuse me?"
"Crysta,... what you have is the greatest gift God has gifted you. Not only do you look like one of those soccer moms who go to book clubs and Celine Dion concerts, but you are packed!"
"Please don't tell anyo—No. No! I refuse to stay silent about it!" Crysta resisted her longtime urge.
"Really?"
"Yes! I always wanted to tell anyone I have a penis and a vagina, but I can't seem to—"
"You have a vagina, too?"
Crysta nodded.
Maria pondered, "Okay, I do not see much of a difference. You are a good friend, still."
"So when do we start getting vocal about it?" Crysta wondered.
Zak poked his head out of the entrance, "Hey, girls! Are you coming inside?"
"On our way!" Maria responded as she and Crysta walked to the entrance.
AT FERNGULLY HIGH SCHOOL, AUGUST 30, 2006, 8:00 AM
A group of girls chatted about their favorite Disney Channel movies when Maria sprinted towards them. "You guys! I made a huge discovery!"
"In a People magazine?" one girl in a black fuzzy coat asked.
"There is this one person that I got up close and she has an enormous cock!"
"Who was it?" another girl asked.
"Wait—she?" a third girl was confused.
"Yep!" Maria said as she saw Crysta entering the school, "Hey, Crysta! Do you want to show those girls your 'stuff' in gym class?"
"Sure! Just make sure the gym teacher is not around," Crysta agreed.
Maria's group of friends looked at each other in awe.
GEOMETRY CLASS, 9:00 AM
"Okay, children. I hope you all had a good night's rest," a soft-speaking, skinny woman named Mrs. Hart greeted as she entered the classroom to sit at the front desk. As she began teaching the class about the angles of a triangle, a boy in a Nashville Predators shirt whispered to a boy in a green plaid jacket, "Hey, Bruce. Are you going to join the football team?"
Bruce replied, "I am going to, Romeo. I just need a doctor's note."
A girl passed a folded note down to Bruce and he opened it to read the message:
"The black-haired girl at the table opposite of yours has a thick cock."
Bruce looked over at the table where Crysta sat. He raised an eyebrow and flipped the card up and down. He quickly grabbed a fresh blank flashcard out of his backpack and wrote:
"Yeah, and pigs do fly."
Then, Bruce passed his note to the opposite table and returned to his work.
HEALTH CLASS, 12:37 PM
The students sat in their assigned seats as the teacher turned on the projector to show an entry task. As the students wrote the question and answer on their papers, Bruce grew curious because he sat next to Crysta. He turned his eyes to the left, trying not to make it obvious.
"You're kidding?" Bruce thought as he locked his eyes on Crysta's thick member. He quickly returned to working on his entry task as soon as possible. He was not worried about how the teacher would grade the entry tasks because they were graded by participation instead of quality. Then, the students walked around the room to share their answers and everything was going well.
Bruce met another student and the latter asked, "That [Crysta] over there…You interested in her cock?"
"Wait—You already knew?"
"Yes."
Bruce's eyes widened. "How many people found out about it, Frank?"
"Pretty much everyone in her classes has been discussing it. Also,...I do not want to alarm you, but…"
Frank took a deep breath and whispered to Bruce.
"...I have heard—from other girls—Crysta has some nice balls."
GYM CLASS, IN THE LOCKER ROOM, 2:50 PM
"...eight inches soft, thirteen inches hard, and up to two inches thick," Maria said as she measured Crysta. The former stood up and reset the tape measure, "Wow! You really are well-endowed!"
"My boyfriend from the other high school is so going to envy you!" a girl from Florida stated.
"I bet her balls are so musky, I can smell them from here," a Chicana student commented.
"That is from me," a freckled girl corrected, "I checked every deodorant they have at the store and none of them are made with organic ingredients."
Maria looked back at Crysta, "Have your parents found out about this?"
"Since my birth," Crysta answered, "They found out I am born as what they call a 'hermaphrodite,' yet they remain great parents to this day. No cussing, no beatings, all empathy and hospitality."
"You are lucky to have parents that care about you," Maria grew envious as she paced towards the showers.
"Pardon me?" Crysta asked.
Maria clenched her right fist as she began recalling her misfortunes, "My parents wanted to treat me as an extension of their generation. They want me to find a man who 'supposedly' would treat me well—bringing food home, raising kids, living in a nice house, and lounging at Daytona Beach. Imagine the shock I had when I found out they wanted to force me into a marriage with a Republican state lawmaker—not mentioned by name—from Tennessee through a chatroom I discovered while they were out of town. Donna already knew this would happen because she had also gone through that trouble…simultaneously. We had no choice but to pack up our belongings, seek help from our old school, and shelter in Donna's pen pal's house—never wanting to return."
The girls were in shock. Crysta exclaimed, "That's horrible!"
"I am getting started, everyone," Maria said as she took a piece of gum, "At first, Donna told our mom she could wait because she had a lot of schoolwork. Mom excused her because it was normal."
"Was?" Crysta asked.
"Many weeks in, our parents grew impatient. They invited Donna on a trip to the Bahamas…in October!" Maria drank her water from a bottle. The cold liquid mixed with the minty gum made her shiver, "Donna told them she had to work on a science project with her friends within two days to get full credit. The thing is there was never such an assignment to work on; she just told them she could find a partner on her own. Then, the hard times began."
A scene of their father undoing his belt and greatly whacking Donna in her limbs and backside flashed before Maria's eyes. Donna was crawling around the corners with tears in her eyes, deep bruises on her limbs, and a bloody gash on her right shoulder.
"You think you can get away with LYING TO US, YOU BITCH?!" her father furiously bellowed as he repeatedly abused Donna. A shocked Maria hid behind a closet door and watched her sister sob and scream in agony.
"I had to run to our neighbors next door and urge them to call CPS. They showed up twenty minutes later and our parents were pissed. While the police took Mom and Dad into custody, Donna and I stayed at our neighbor's house for the night and informed our old school about the incident and its background the next morning. Fearing that our parents would retaliate in the worst ways imaginable, the school staff urged us to move to a safer place—right here in the city of FernGully, at Donna's pen pal's home," Maria said as she drank more of her water.
"And where are your parents now?" the Chicana student inquired.
Maria responded, "Mom and Dad are in separate penitentiaries on opposite sides of West Virginia. They were each fined $12,000 and sentenced to 15 years. As for the state lawmaker,...he must have destroyed the evidence on his end."
The Florida girl assumed, "You would think the police might have searched the computer for any possible cases of conspiracy and find that the email address would belong to the lawmaker or any of his aides. Why wouldn't they contact Tennessee's state police on the matter?"
Maria replied, "They could collaborate on it, but the sender's email address started with 'Some Puerto Rican Guy.' Since they are racist, it makes sense for them to throw any marginalized group under the bus."
The Chicana student commented, "I would allow them to search my computer or cellphone because I have nothing to hide."
Maria objected, "You are opening yourself to unlawful deportation! As a naturalized citizen of the U.S., you must know your Fifth and Fourteenth Amendment rights! If ICE officers show up at your door, you should NEVER open the door and NEVER invite them in unless they have the correct search warrant signed by a judge!"
"Well, that escalated quickly," Crysta said.
Maria deeply breathed and continued her speech, "All of us ladies are in a constitutional crisis! They are destined to revoke our right to vote, our right to an abortion, our right to travel, and our right to a free marriage! Those fuckers think they can get away with human trafficking and hazing, but we are smarter than that—much smarter than you would realize!" She then faced Crysta and reached in her backpack, "Crysta, you and I are lucky we have an ELA teacher who can implicitly yet firmly tell the chauvinistic bastards to go fuck themselves." Maria held up a copy of The Handmaid's Tale and slowly moved it sideways for the girls to see. She continued, "The school board recently took this off the banned books list. There were mixed reactions from the older generations, but we can assume it's that some people do not want to hear the truth."
A girl with brown curly hair raised her hand, "I have a question."
"Yeah, Felicity. What is it?" Maria said.
"What is a banned books list?" Felicity asked.
"You never heard of it?" the Chicana student said, "Are you not in an ELA class?"
"I am in one of those 'second-chance' courses because I do not read too well."
"Is it okay if I can explain what a banned books list is in terms you understand?" Maria asked.
"Sure!" Felicity said.
Maria deeply breathed once more and rubbed her hands together, "Let's say you are at a video store and your parents are renting a Disney movie."
Felicity smiled, "My parents once rented a couple of movies: The Little Mermaid and Bambi. I love, love, love those movies!"
"Okay, now let's say you want to pick out a movie like Air Force One, The Big Lebowski, or Die Hard—any R-rated movie, a movie meant for adults. Your parents will say 'No, that is not suitable for children.'"
Felicity nodded, "I can see where this is going."
"Now imagine you and your parents at the bookstore. You want to pick up a book that has mature themes such as violence and drugs. Your parents do not want you to read it. The kicker is such books are found in our public libraries—including school libraries. You with me so far?"
Felicity nodded again.
Maria coughed before continuing, "Parents are usually pissy that their children would be exposed to such disturbing content; what they do not know is that each banned book has underlying themes that tackle real-world events such as removing words and bad governments."
The bell rang and the girls packed their things. Maria asked Felicity, "Does that information help you, Felicity?"
"I think I kind of got it," Felicity responded.
OUTSIDE FERNGULLY HIGH SCHOOL, 3:03 PM
Crysta may be relieved she finished another day at school, but she was not going home alone. On her way home, she found out she was being followed by a group. Then by a swarm. Finally by a dense mass of people. The word has gone around that a girl has male genitalia and a body of a MILF, and she is inviting everyone to her friend circle if not a deeper center. A fever of excitement permeated the school. Boys ran hatless out of classes, sports teams abandoned their practice and joined the crowd, and the cheerleading team skipped with their pompoms and a beatbox playing Pink's "Get the Party Started"—all of them proceeded a succession of remarks aimed at the sultry image of Crysta Merlot.
"She must be a wandering cougar!"
"She ought to go to my sister's baby shower at her age!"
"Look at her hypnotic walking!"
"Are you guys going to White Castle for dinner? We can study while we eat."
"I can't, dude. I promised my mom I would help her with the groceries."
Crysta increased her gait, and soon she was running. Then, she flew to a Taco Bell to order so much food. A couple of students followed inside and stared at the bountiful fairy while they ordered their food. The rowdy eating habits combined with the sultry mannerisms made the students' pupils dilate. Once she was done with her after-school meal, Crysta noticed the group staring at her. They wolfed down their food as she approached the table and asked, "Do you boys need something?"
One boy swallowed and replied, "Perhaps you could help us with our German homework."
"Yeah! Can you?" another boy said.
Crysta responded, "Natürlich!...That means 'of course.'"
"Oh!...You do know your German!" a third boy proclaimed as he bit into his burrito.
"For my last birthday, a boy one grade below me gifted me a book that helps me learn how to speak and write German," Crysta said as she pulled it out of her backpack and joined the group for a study session.