I fantasize to feel you like a bullet,
And all your layers to the fullest.
But the heavens won't condone it,
You deceiving, wayword woman.

- Skin and Bones, David Kushner

I had failed biology.

Really, it was a miracle I hadn't failed more of my classes. Since the Apex incident, I'd hardly attended class - not that I was a star pupil before. I had managed to scrape by most of my classes with some last minute studying... but nothing could save my biology grade. Storm even let me rewrite the final exam, which I failed again. Unfortunately, I needed to pass biology to move onto senior year.

"There is another option," the Professor said gently as I stared down at the large red F on my report card. "Storm and Scott are taking a group of students out to Tongass Forest in Alaska for a summer school project. If you attend - and pass the assignments - it will give you enough credits to pass biology."

I looked doubtfully at the Professor. I would be spending my summer in Alaska? It didn't sound like such a great deal. But I also wasn't sure if I had another option.

"The trip is only for five days," the Professor reassured me, as if reading my mind... which, he probably was. "And then you're given one more week to finish your class assignment and presentation."

I perked up a little more. I was sure I could manage only two weeks of my summer working on schoolwork if it meant I wouldn't have to repeat the entire class. "I'll think about it."

The Professor nodded, with the same peaceful smile on his face that he always had. We both knew that I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Two weeks sounded a hell of a lot better than repeating eleventh grade biology. "Shall we begin then?"

I let out a sigh and nodded. I stood, and walked over to the brown leather couch in his office. I had come to loathe that couch. I laid down on it, knowing that the next hour would be filled with pain. It always was during our little 'therapy' sessions. As brutal as the therapy was - and it never did get easier - I could finally feel the effects on Apex. His voice in my head was softer, less violent. When I was upset, his presence was stronger of course, but I didn't feel that same instability in control that I used to.

It was different having Apex's anger less present. Even when I had thought I was in control, I didn't realize how much of an impact he had on my emotions. Now that the Professor has been working to ease some of that anger, I realized how much calmer I felt. For the first time since my mutation developed, I felt like myself. It was strange, realizing that you hardly ever knew who you were.

When the attack first occurred, I needed the therapy sessions every day. Now, I only needed them every three days. The Professor hoped that I would be able to move to once a week soon, but I thought that was a bit greedy. I wasn't quite sure how he expected me to go to Alaska without him. Five days seemed like a lifetime.

The Professor rolled his chair over, setting his fingers on my temples. I never really did get used to the jarring sensation of getting pulled into a telepathic trance. It was always the same white hot pain tearing through my mind as he decided which memory to relive again. Most of the time it was Hugh and his bullying. Because apparently years of being tormented had left me with some baggage... who knew? Sometimes he liked to dabble in my abandonment issues as well; as it turns out, getting left by your dad as a baby was also pretty traumatizing. But today, he had to focus on the freshest of the trauma - Alkali Lake.

God, I hated Alkali Lake.

I hardly thought of it since everything happened. I didn't think of the terror as I was jolted awake when Stryker and his men attacked, or the feeling of branches hitting my face as I ran through the forest. I didn't think of the hopelessness I felt when I realized how alone I was. And I made an effort not to think of all the pain I had caused in those few days traveling to Alkali Lake.

But the anger I felt when I remembered the feeling of rejection when we finally reached the Lake was always as strong as it was that day. After nearly two and a half months of these therapy sessions, the Professor still struggled with easing the anger caused by that particular moment. I wasn't even sure why it had affected me so much. I had been rejected many times, and by people I had known for far longer. But for some reason, having Bobby look past me when I had fought so hard to get there just seemed like the one memory I couldn't move past.

The Professor had said it might have been a cumulation of actions leading to the great betrayal - feeling that my life was seen as expendable if it meant finding the other X-Men, feeling that Rogue was the only one they cared about, and finally, having Bobby seemingly confirm that felt like a stab to the heart. I had been rejected many times before, but a part of me had always expected those; this was the one place I had really begun to believe accepted me. The Professor tried to reason with me, to tell me that everyone was in a state of heightened emotions and I couldn't hold Bobby or the others to that minor reaction. I understood, I did. I just needed more time before I'd be ready to let it go.

The Professor worked on unravelling the anger, soothing it out with his mind. But my anger - Apex's anger - was like trying to smoothe over a jagged rock. I had been hardened by the anger, and I just couldn't seem to release it. The Professor took small steps in healing my emotions involving Alkali Lake. Today, he focused on the journey there. The feeling of being dispensable; I had been used for my powers and my life had been proven to only matter if I was useful for reuniting us with the others. With the more important X-Men.

When the session was over, I still felt no better. And I could see from looking in the Professor's eyes that he was sharing a similar feeling. He wanted to push me to keep going, but we both knew I wasn't able to.

I was exhausted when I walked back to my room. As I expected, John was already there, relaxing on my bed and playing with his lighter. He glanced idly when I returned, not bothering to ask how the therapy session went. He could read it on my face that it went the same as always. But I knew he could see the difference in my personality - there was a new lightness to me that wasn't there before when Apex's anger controlled me.

"What's up?" I asked, making my way to the closet to pull a sweater on.

"Storm asked me to join the X-Men."

I froze upon hearing John's words. My head whipped around to look at him, laying casually on my bed as he stared out the window. As if he were telling me about the weather rather than a life altering decision. Joining the X-Men was... huge. It meant training your powers until they were honed to perfection. Hours in the Danger Room to become a weapon. The current broken X-Men team - consisting of Storm, Logan, and Scott - had more or less fallen off the radar. With Jean dead and Scott in a drunken stupor half the time, it only really left Storm and Logan. While powerful, they weren't enough to face Magneto alone.

"What did you say?" I asked, coming over to stand in front of him.

John looked away from the window and up at me. A mischievous smile crossed his face, and a second later his hands were on my waist, tugging me onto the bed. I laughed as I fell onto the bed, his arms circling my waist. John pressed his forehead to mine, as his thumb rubbed circles into my back. "I said no, obviously."

I tensed, looking up at him. Pulling away, I leaned onto my arm to look at him. "Why would you say no?"

John seemed confused at my reaction. "She's recruiting for once I turn eighteen in August. Until then, it's just more training. There's no point."

I still didn't get it. I thought the guy who was passionate about mutant rights and doing something instead of staying locked in a school all day would jump at the opportunity. "But don't you want to do something? You're a powerful mutant, John. You could help others."

John looked less confused and more annoyed now. His voice was low as he said, "Vi, I'm not staying here long enough to join the X-Men."

The sentence chilled me to my core. I knew what the plan was and I knew how badly John wanted out but... I didn't realize it'd be that soon. It was June now, and it sounded like John expected to leave in a few short months. I wasn't sure why, but the thought terrified me. Ignoring the feeling, I tried to force an easy smile on my face. "I wonder why they didn't give me an invite."

"They should," John said seriously, "You're stronger than half the people they asked."

"Who else did they ask?"

"Drake, Rogue, Kitty, Piotr, and some people who just graduated. I'm not sure any of them agreed yet."

I was surprised at some of the names he said. Piotr was a given; he was strong physically and had his head on straight. Bobby was powerful, of course, but he still had a long ways to go before he'd be ready to face someone like Magneto in battle. Kitty was... weak. She was stealthy, but had little offensive skills. Rogue was also powerful, depending who she decided to touch to sap their powers. It seemed like such a random assortment of mutants... they didn't exactly make up a cohesive team.

It wasn't until a moment later that I realized what all the people had in common; they had all fought against me when I had lost control. I felt a sudden rush of betrayal; had the Professor really used that as some sort of audition? Had Jay lost out on the invitation because he had gotten too hurt? And then if Apex had been so difficult to stop, why hadn't they asked me to join the team? John was right, I was stronger than a lot of people they'd asked.

I knew the answer even as I asked myself the question. Even though my control over Apex was improving, I would still be a threat if I got too overwhelmed. One second I'd be fighting bad guys, and the next I would be trying to rip Storm's arm off. I understood, but it still felt like a slight.

"How'd your session with the Professor go?" John asked, changing the subject. He must have seen the betrayal in my eyes and chosen to help distract me. Just like I had done when I felt the tension building between us about his decision to leave the school.

I was about to answer him when I remembered something a hell of a lot more annoying than my therapy session with the Professor. "John, I failed biology."

John snorted, which quickly turned into laughter. "He told you that during therapy?"

I ignored him, continuing on as I explained how I failed both exams and how I only had two options: to repeat the class again next year or take the two week summer school. "He gave it to me like it was a choice, but we both know it wasn't. So I guess I'll be spending five days in Alaska this summer."

John stayed quiet, and I didn't see the withdrawn look on his face until he had already pulled away. "Why are you even bothering, Vi?"

"What?" I laughed out, thinking he was joking at first. When I saw the serious look on his face, my smile faltered.

"Telling me to join the X-Men, going to summer school... does any of this even matter? You said we were just staying around until you learned to control your powers, but it seems like you aren't planning on leaving," he said.

"John, I- I don't know how much longer it'll take to control Apex. It may take a few more months but it may take longer than that. I can't just drop out of school before that. I need a backup plan," I explained. I tried to make my voice sound genuine but I knew it was all excuses as I said it. And I could see from John's face that he knew it too.

I wanted to stop him as he stood up, trying to keep his face neutral. His body was rigid, so different from a few moments ago. "Right. I'll catch you later, Vi."

"Wait, are you serious?" Lately, we spent day and night (literally) together. If he was leaving, something I said must have upset him. It couldn't have just been the summer school thing... it couldn't have been that big of a deal to him. "You can't be mad at me for that."

"I'm not," John said. "I'm just going to hang out in my room for a bit. It's no big deal."

But I could see the look on John's face as he turned and left. Just like he knew I was making up excuses for staying at the school, I knew he was lying when he said it didn't bother him. I felt a stab of guilt in my chest for not wanting to leave as badly as he did. It felt like we were on two sides of a rope, pulling it taut. I was terrified that one day it would snap and we would fall apart.

Later that day, I caught John in the hallway. I had missed him at dinner and he usually caught up with me in the evening to watch a movie before bed. He was avoiding me, but he was pretending he wasn't, which was somehow worse.

I touched John's forearm, looking up at him with wide eyes. "John, are we... okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't we?" he answered easily. Still, I could see in his eyes that he had pulled away from me. This was almost worst than an argument in a way; John was always the type to stand up for himself or point out when he was offended. But the fact that he wasn't speaking his mind was worrying. I knew that he could see my hesitancy to leave, that a part of me wasn't yet ready to part from the school, and that caused him to pull back.

"I just... it feels off," I admitted.

John met my eyes then and gave me a tight smile. He squeezed my hand as he said, "We're good, Vi."

I smiled back, forcing myself to believe it because of the way his hand felt in mine and the way butterflies exploded in my chest when he smiled at me. I wanted to believe him. But even then, I could hear Apex whisper in my ear: Liar.

It was a few weeks later and John and I seemed to push the entire discussion under the rug. It worried me in a way; John was so dead set on leaving that it was almost more concerning that he wasn't more argumentative about my excuses to stay. But since he still held me when I slept and brushed my hands as we walked to class, I found I couldn't bring it up either. I didn't want to ruin our picture perfect relationship of almost being a couple. Thankfully, he seemed more settled about the idea of me leaving to go on the trip; he didn't seem tense about it, and was acting like it was just any other day.

It was the day that I was meant to leave on the trip and John was in my room helping (well, watching) me pack. I didn't exactly have camping attire at the Institute but I also wasn't sure what to expect from the trip. Storm had handed out the syllabus but I had only skimmed over it. With the syllabus, she also gave us notebooks, pens, some basic necessities like water bottles and a backpack, and a disposable camera.

"So, what, you're supposed to take photos of a bunch of flowers and it'll be enough to help you pass bio?" John asked, flipping the disposable camera around in his hands.

"Pretty much," I confirmed. I walked towards the window to see that bus had pulled up. Rather than take the X-Jet, we'd drive out to a private airport before flying the rest of the way to Tongass Forest. I suppose it made sense to leave the X-Jet in case the Professor and Logan needed it, but I would have preferred flying on the sleek jet compared to a rickety old plane. Storm was busy talking to the bus driver but I knew she'd be coming to collect us soon. "I think we'll be studying the photos and samples after the trip is over and then submit a final assignment. Will you help me write an essay about flowers?"

"Absolutely not."

That's about what I was expecting.

I didn't answer, still watching as more students gathered around the bus. It was a small group - it had to be for where we were travelling - but no one I was particularly close with. When I spotted Calvin, I broke into a grin. "Thank God, Calvin's coming."

"Cal?" John's voice was tense as he came to look out the window over my shoulder. I glanced over at him, surprised by his annoyed tone. His mouth was set in a tight line, and he seemed irritated when his eyes landed on Calvin. John wasn't friends with many people these days, but as far as I knew, he'd never had any issues with Calvin. "Of course he's going."

I scrunched up my nose, my eyebrows coming together. "What's your deal with Cal?"

"He's just always hugging you and touching you. He can learn to keep his hands to himself for once."

I fought off the smile when I realized what John was really saying. I gave his shoulder a tight squeeze, winking at him. "Don't be jealous. Cal and I won't fall madly in love while we're gone for five days."

John rolled his eyes, turning to walk away. I didn't miss the sarcastic scoff as he said, "I'm not worried, Vi. I know you're too in love with me to be into Calvin."

I laughed, probably for slightly too long, to hide the fact that he wasn't entirely wrong. "Whatever you say, John." I stayed by the window, watching as more people began packing their bags into the bus. When I saw another familiar face - someone John would be even less happy to know was spending a week camping with me - I decided not to mention it. If John was jealous about Calvin, I didn't want to know how he'd react to Sam being on the trip.

"Hey, Vi."

I glanced back just as a flash went off. Spots lit up my vision, and I had to blink a few times to return it to normal. When I was able to focus, I saw John with that stupid smirk on his face and the disposable camera still held up. Well, there goes one mediocre flower picture, I suppose.

"Storm will see these, you know," I pointed out. John just shruggled, walking towards me as he prepared for another shot. I knew what he was doing before he even lifted the camera up. "No way, you already have one photo of me, you don't need another."

"Nah, this will be of us. The camera loves me."

I rolled my eyes, pulling the camera out of his hands and hoding it out of his reach. "You can't make me fail summer school because I used up all my film on photos of us."

John shrugged again, trying to swipe the camera back, but clearly not trying hard enough to actually do it. "C'mon, one photo isn't going to hurt."

When I looked up at him, trying to fight the blush blossoming from my face when I looked in his eyes, I gave in. Come to think of it, John and I didn't really have any photos together. Storm was probably expecting us to take at least a few fun photos anyway. Right?

"Fine, just one," I said. "It's gotta be a good one."

John slung his arm over my shoulder as I held the camera out, angling it at us. My arm was shaky and I struggled to reach my finger over the button. I kept hesitating, wondering if the angle would be flattering or if I was cutting John off. I was also painfully aware of how close we were in that moment, with his chest pressed against my back, and I briefly imagined if he didn't remove his arm once I took the photo. Finally, as my arm grew heavy, John said, "C'mon, it's just one photo. How hard can it be?"

"You take it then."

John took the camera from my hand, holding it out easily. His arm slipped from my shoulder, wrapping around my waist and landing on my stomach. His fingers danced over my skin, causing my to squirm. I let out a laugh, attempting to push him away just as the flash went off. "John! I wasn't ready. That's going to look atrocious."

John shrugged, pulling away from me and dropping the camera into my duffel bag. "I guess we'll find out when you get the film developed."

I was about to reply, to tell him he'd never see the photo if it turned out ugly, when a knock on the door interrupted us. "Violet, time to go!" Storm called gently from the other side of the door. I sighed realizing this was really it and I'd be stuck in a forest for nearly a week.

"I'll see you in a few days," I said, lifting the heavy duffel bag off the ground. "Don't miss me too much when I'm gone, Allerdyce."

John didn't say anything, but he shot me a smirk as if he knew I'd be the one who would be counting the minutes until we were reunited. I started for the door, with John close behind, his hand on my lower back. I reached for the doorknob, turning it and pulling the door open. The door only opened a few inches before I felt John's hand on my arm, pulling me back. With his other hand, he slammed the door shut.

It all happened so fast, I could hardly react as John spun me around to face him, pushing my back against the door. Suddenly his lips were on mine and his hands were grabbing my waist, pulling his body into mine. My chest was pressed against his, so close that I could feel his rapid heartbeat. All the months of passion, and anger, and happiness flowed all at once from his body into mine. His touch, his warmth, made me feel dizzy with it all.

His hands gripped tightly at my hips, with an urgency as if he knew the kiss would end all too soon. His lips were soft against mine, but his body firm as it pressed me into the door. John wanted this - needed this - just as desperately as I had. And finally, we had crossed that invisible wall we had built between us, preventing us from the one thing we ever really wanted.

John's fingers relaxed as he slowly pulled away from me, looking down with dark eyes. They were gentle, but there was something hidden behind them; a mystery I would never solve.

"I just thought you should know," he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine. His lips found mine again in one more long, sweet embrace.

I opened my mouth but found the thoughts in my head hadn't formed yet. The moment had seemed so quick - blink and you might miss it. If John wasn't standing in front of me, his chest against mine and his hands on my waist, I could have convinced myself it never happened. After all these months, all this time of telling myself nothing was going to happen, the proof was standing right in front of me.

And then, a new sense of giddiness exploded in my chest as I smiled up at John. "I know," I whispered back, and he finally pulled away.

I didn't want him to go... or, I didn't want to go. But I could hear Storm's voice from the hallway, gathering the other students for the trip and I knew the moment wasn't going to last forever. Still, I wanted to stay like that for hours; his hands on my waist, skin touching mine as he pressed kisses into my lips. Once I finally had him - really had him - it was unfair that I was about to leave him for almost a week.

John stepped back, looking down at me with warmth in his gaze. Neither of us flinched as Storm knocked again on the door. "Violet, time to go!"

"Coming," I said quickly. I wasn't sure my voice was loud enough to carry across the door but I didn't care. I also made no move to leave.

John smirked. "You should probably go, Princess."

"Right," I said, blushing. I forced my feet to start working as I picked up my bag once more. This time, when I placed my hand on the doorknob, John didn't stop me. He placed a hand on the doorframe, following me out. I turned to say goodbye one last time - for real this time. I couldn't help the small smile on my face as I said, "I'll see you when I'm home? We can finish where we left off." The last part made even me blush.

John laughed, reaching forward to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand hovering there. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead leaned down and caught my lips in one final kiss. Whatever he had to say clearly wasn't as important. When he pulled away, he stepped back. I felt like the added distance was the only thing keeping me from staying in that position forever.

I grinned, finally turning to leave. I must have looked ridiculous, but I couldn't stop smiling as I walked down the hallway. My steps were weightless as I walked towards the stairs. I fought the urge to look back at John, knowing his eyes were following me as I left. I told myself I was acting like a stupid, lovestruck teeanger, but wasn't that exactly what I was?

Storm was waiting by the bus, her arms crossed as she waited for me. Scott was trying to cram as many bags as he could fit into the storage compartment, as I dropped another at his feet. "We almost left without you," Storm said casually. We both knew she wouldn't have.

"Sorry, got caught up," I said. I was still winded, my face flush and eyes bright. I knew I must have looked different, because even Scott caught on.

Scott glanced at me, his eyebrow quirking. "You seem to be in a good mood."

I shrugged, trying not to make myself too obvious. "Just excited for the trip." Scott looked at me like he didn't believe me for a second.

I allowed Storm to usher me onto the bus, choosing the only empty seat left. My eyes trailed across the mansion until they found the window to my room. I was hoping to catch one last look at John before I left, but he wasn't there. It didn't matter; I had his dark gaze tattooed in my memory, his words repeating like a broken record in my head.

I just thought you should know.

A/N: Man, FINALLY! I know it's completely within my control of when John and Violet finally get together but holy shit that took a long time. Also help why is chapter 11 getting so many more visitors than any other chapter. Like 10x as many views, I'm so confused.