The tavern's main doors swung open, and a familiar pair of blue pants with white boots appeared in the entryway. Their owner curled his upper lip. "Bah, filthy establishment." He elbowed through the crowd of skinny weaklings until he spotted his underling at a large table in the far corner. At least he managed to claim a good spot. Vegeta joined him soon after.

"Move!" The royal saiyan - officially the prince of his people, all remaining four of them - shoved the Gaians surrounding the table aside. He palmed his hips and studied the food and his fellow warrior. Unlike the latter, the former looked surprisingly decent and smelled inviting. He huffed at Raditz's armor discarded on the floor stained with banana pulp, Tch, moron, before scrutinizing its owner who was already getting comfortable. Vegeta narrowed his eyes. A little too comfortable. He dropped his scouter on the table and joined Raditz on the bench against the wall. Familiar movements grabbed his attention, and when the prince glanced down, his suspicions were confirmed. Unfazed, he lifted an eyebrow at the young lady kneeling under the table and her dextrous hands treating his lackey's manhood to a sensual massage. "I said we could spend some time fucking around after we got what we came here for, idiot."

Raditz smirked as he ran his fingers through the girl's silver waves. "I am. Nappa already found it."

"He didn't report that."

"Check your transmissions, boss. He… hmm… broke into some sort of treasury and found it there. He's on his way here now."

"Very well." Vegeta shifted his attention to the food and tasted some of the meat.

Raditz relaxed against the wall and crossed his arms. "So, how was your visit to the royal residence, Your Highness?"

Vegeta scoffed after swallowing his bite. "Don't remind me! It was an utter waste of my time! That whole palace was filled with useless morons who were pointlessly oblivious. How those pathetic fools rule a planet is beyond me and it's a miracle they haven't been usurped yet." He threw away a bone, grabbed another piece of roast, and continued exasperated. "Anyway, I arrive at their fancy treehouse and they invite me for lunch. First, I assumed the king was toying with me, buying time. You know? The usual. Until that buffoon thought it was wise to introduce me to his fucking daughter! So I grabbed the bitch and held her hostage, figuring they would spill if I threatened to rip her head off. But it turns out those imbeciles never even heard of the stupid device! Bah, their brainless lives weren't worth the hour of scrubbing their blood off my suit, so I set fire to their silly wooden 'chateau' and left them to burn. Literally."

What!? The girl bumped her head against the table in shock. "Ow!"

Raditz checked on her. "Something wrong, miss?"

She blinked at him astonished. "The things your friend just said, he didn't really do that? Right!?"

Raditz smiled ambivalently. "My commander is a funny guy who loves a good joke. There's nothing for you to worry about."

She briefly considered his answer, Who jokes about that? and, after a relaxing sigh, resumed her ministrations. What a weird species…

Raditz patted her head. "Hmm, that's it. Doing good, lass."

After a few quiet minutes, screams and grumbles disturbed the short-lived peace as something large moved through the crowd, knocking over anyone refusing to make way. Moments later, Nappa joined the table. He dropped a string of flat, square packages on the surface and a pouch into Vegeta's lap. Raditz ripped off a few wraps of contraceptives and tucked them in his wristguard while Vegeta opened the small bag and inspected the coin-sized stone inside.

"There you go, Vegeta. Frieza's prized data device," Nappa reported.

Vegeta nodded and secured it in the collar of his suit. "Good. I'll report to base first thing in the morning."

Nappa returned his nod. "You do that, boss. We deserve the night off. Frieza knows it's been months since we last had the opportunity to have some fun."

Vegeta huffed indifferently. "Whatever."

Nappa looked around the venue. "Yo, Raditz, this dive the best you could find, or what?"

Smiling smugly, Raditz flipped him off without answering.

"Hmpf, useless flea."

"His head is in his prick at the moment and he has enough trouble thinking as it is. Better not strain his single brain cell any further or you might kill the poor bastard," Vegeta mocked.

A sloppy fist collided with Vegeta's bicep. "Fuck you, boss."

Vegeta chuckled. "Careful there, clown. The things I will do to you are much less pleasant than soiling your drinking water."

Nappa plopped down in one of the chairs. He grabbed a rack of ribs and began filling his grateful stomach. "Hm, not bad. Better than fried bugs. Right, Vegeta?"

The prince nodded in agreement and also grabbed some ribs. "It seems like these weaklings are good for something at least."

Nappa tore a shred of meat off the bones. "You can say that again. These tree-huggers are lucky their poetic planet is in the middle of space-nowhere because getting their most precious possession was a breeze."

Vegeta plucked a rib from his mouth and sank his teeth into the other half of his rack. "Do share."

Nappa grinned as he recounted his day. "Everything here is made of twigs, leaves, and logs, even their fortified facilities. So I locate their largest town, easily find the only fucking bank on this dump, kick down its pathetic excuse for a door and politely ask the clerk for their stupid data rock. Of course, he sees me as a threat and sends some small fry with wooden spears to apprehend me." Nappa paused before roaring, "WOODEN FUCKING SPEARS, Vegeta! Can you believe it!?" He shook his head. "Anyway, as I pulverize one of their toys with my teeth, I quickly learn it's not just their weapons that are flimsy because, let me tell you, these fairie men are a bunch of spineless pushovers! Seriously, I snarl at them once, they piss themselves, surrender without further resistance, and then hand me their trinket." He spit out a bone. "What a waste of our talents. Frieza better assigns us to a purge next because I crave some violence."

Vegeta smiled at Nappa's lively story, muttering a "So do I" as he happily finished his ribs.

Sometime later, a swarm of giggles approached their table. All three men looked up to see a small group of young, Gaian women flocking around them. The girls exchanged excited glances as they curiously eyed up the alien trio. The tallest of the bunch, an athletic girl with short hair, pushed out her hip and smiled at them. "Hello, gentlemen. You don't look like you're from around here. What brings you to our lovely planet?"

"I'm more interested in what brings you lot to our lovely table," Nappa retorted.

She swayed her shoulders, peeking coquettishly through her long, silver lashes. "We heard about a group of foreign soldiers in the area and assumed we'd find them in the tavern." She looked the saiyans over once more. "And it seems like we were correct!"

"Congratulations! Now, what do you intend to do with your findings?" Raditz asked playfully.

Another girl, a little shorter than her athletic friend and sporting a high ponytail, leaned on the table. "We imagined traveling, hard-working men such as yourselves could use some 'company'."

"You'd be right about that, lassy," Nappa avidly confirmed.

A third girl, with nails polished a glittering gold, pouted at Raditz. "It seems like he started the party without us…"

Raditz waved off her disappointment. "Nah, I'm just getting warmed up. Given there's four of you…" He glanced at the girl between his knees. "Well, five… I better get my juices flowing, so to speak."

The tall girl tapped her cheek. "That sounds like an invitation!" She looked at her friends. "In that case, we better make ourselves at home, right ladies?" The group giggled in agreement and joined the saiyans at their table. The ponytail girl walked to the bar and returned with two trays stacked with drinks, snacks, and cocktails. She put the refreshments down and offered everyone an exotic-smelling, purple beverage that her friends and two of the men greedily accepted. She scowled at the fully-clad soldier in the corner who had yet to acknowledge the female presence. "Hey, you! The guy in the blue! Don't you want a drink?"

Vegeta shot her a contemptuous glare and answered dryly, "Half the universe is trying to kill me and the other half wants me dead. Getting smashed in a dingy bar is a certain way to make that a reality. So no, I don't want your 'drink', girl."

She rolled her eyes. "Wow, you're no fun." She left the grumpy warrior to his devices and raised her glass. "Lads and lasses, let us toast to a night of shameless debauchery!"

"Bottoms up!" Nappa yelled as the group smashed their glasses together and downed the contents.

Raditz pounded his chest after nearly choking on the cocktail. "Blegh! What is that!?"

"A Gaian specialty, sir. Designed to get the juices flowing," the golden nails girl quipped in her high-pitched voice.

Nappa grimaced at his empty glass while Vegeta quietly snickered at his men's discomfort. Idiots.

The abominable beverages were quickly forgotten as the saiyans helped themselves to the fresh pile of food provided by their new-found company, devouring three table-sized servings before sitting back and relaxing.

Raditz gazed at the girl between his legs. "Persistent little thing, aren't you?" When she looked up with a smile, he gestured at Nappa. "Impressive. You've got more palmpower than he has brainpower."

Nappa scoffed. "Speak for yourself, runt."

Raditz laughed. "Rather a virile runt than a grouchy geriatric."

Nappa sighed disapprovingly at his companion as he grabbed one of the other, hopefully more palatable, drinks. Youths these days…

Raditz removed the girl's hands from his dick. She gawked at him surprised as he tucked himself in and patted the empty spot on the bench next to him. "Come up and have yourself a drink, lass. I'll pay you back later tonight." He stood, shuffled his way past Vegeta, "I'm going to take a piss," and left for the men's room.

The smallest of the women, a petite girl wearing her long hair in a side shave gracefully accentuated by a cascading earring, planted her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm. She studied the soldier sitting in the corner quietly observing the unwinding clientele. Unlike his burly comrades, he didn't show much skin and his pitch-black eyes shimmered with intelligence. Despite his smaller stature, he radiated power and haughty disdain. Intrigued, she tapped a manicured nail on the table and asked him curiously, "What's your deal, sir?"

Vegeta glanced at her askance. "None of your business."

"You look important."

"I am."

Interesting. She changed her approach and cleverly played to his evident ego. "I've heard high-ranking men like you tend to get easy access to the more pleasurable activities in life. So tell me, important mystery man, are you a good fuck?"

A cocky smirk appeared on his lips. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"If you get off on getting yelled at," Nappa brazenly answered. He gestured with his glass at his vertically challenged commander. "Look at him, he may be our boss, but he obviously needs to compensate for something."

The girl giggled, asking Vegeta, "Really? Is your big friend telling the truth?"

Vegeta shrugged nonchalantly. "What can I say? I'm a short guy in more ways than one."

She gaped at him in bewilderment. "Huh? Why would you admit to that!?"

Vegeta chuckled as he finally met her gaze. "So I can see that ridiculous look on your pretty, little face, girl."

Her expression morphed into a naughty grin as she teasingly darted her eyes to his groin. "Mind if I fact-check?"

Vegeta widened his legs in invitation. "Go ahead."

She eagerly moved closer, but her triumph promptly dissipated when she looked down. Urg, I can't believe I fell for that! She politely cleared her throat, hoping he would do something about the unfortunate situation, but alas, Vegeta merely lifted a challenging eyebrow. She nodded at his crotchguard with a flirtatious smirk. "Could you please remove that, sir?"

Vegeta victoriously pulled his armor over his head and relaxed his tail beside him.

"OH MY GOSH!" The girl clamped her hand over her mouth.

Alerted by her exclamation, her friends suddenly noticed the men's furry appendages. More gasps followed and the tallest girl uttered, "Monkey tails… so that means you are…"

"What!?" Vegeta aggressively demanded.

"... saiyans…" the ponytail girl finished.

Raditz returned laughing. "Oh no! Saiyans! Run for the hills while you can!"

Her eyes widened in panic. She backed off as her tall friend apologetically stammered, "We knew you were Frieza's men, but… people say saiyans are rare and…" She gulped. "Extremely violent."

"It looks like our reputation exceeds us yet again," Vegeta chuckled as he coiled his tail around his hips. "Your 'people' are correct, but there's no need to concern yourselves. The last thing I want is blood all over my clean boots."

"What he means to say is; 'I don't fuck corpses'," Raditz jokingly clarified as he rejoined the long-haired girl and his commander on the bench. "Don't worry ladies, if we wanted to vaporize you, we would have done so already."

Somewhat reassured, the women relaxed and picked up where they left off. And so did Vegeta. He looked at the petite girl and pointed beneath the table. "What are you waiting for? Get down there." Her naughty smile reappeared as she slipped below and placed her hands on his knees. However, before she could close in for a peek and fondle, he shut his legs in front of her face. He cupped her chin and lifted it toward his mischievous grin. "Don't even think about it. I have more dignity than that." He nodded at his long-haired neighbor. The girl pouted. "But -!" Vegeta firmed his grip on her jaw. "Listen, girl, if you're truly curious, I suggest you stay right where you are. Refrain from any funny business and I might indulge you later. If I don't forget you exist that is." He released her face and relaxed his legs, cunningly spreading them before her eyes. He folded his hands behind his head and resumed observing the bar-goers.

A little embarrassed, she glanced at the appealing sight he offered her and giggled quietly. Not bad! Curious to play the commander's game, she made herself as comfortable as possible and settled on enjoying the not-so-bad, eye-level view her position granted her of the males' equipment.

Meanwhile, Nappa had also removed his armor and was stretching his impressive arms. The tall, athletic girl took the bait. Eager to kick things off, she boldly sat on his lap, took off her dress, and dropped the garment on the floor with a graceful jingle.

Nappa smirked as he leered at her non-existent breasts. "Hm, you ladies don't have a lot of meat on you."

She traced a nail over his pecs. "I'm not sure what you mean by that, big guy."

"You have no tits!" When she looked at him confused, he elaborated, "Titties? You know? Those delicious, plump things women have on their chests to feed their whelps?"

She tilted her head. "Do you mean breasts, soldier? We get those when we're nursing."

"Wow, you must be real popular when you're with child then."

She grimaced. "No, on the contrary. Why would we be!?"

Nappa sighed. "Never mind. Fortunately, you seem to have as little prudishness as you have titties."

Reading between the lines, she shot him a lewd grin. "I don't mind putting on a show."

Yes, you are getting the Nappa-erotica you never asked for. Don't worry, the other two saiyans will get their turns soon enough. ;-)