Chapter 1: Dead Meat
My past life was pretty normal, I suppose. I went to work each day, did my job, went home, and endeavored to do it all again. Work was challenging at times, primarily due to the questionable competence of some of my coworkers. Well, I made mistakes sometimes, too. But I never killed anyone, which is more than I can say for Carlos! In the last moments of my life, he drove his forklift into me and pushed me into a wall.
"Carlos… you've gored me with a forklift." I announced as I gasped for air and tried in vain to hold my wounds. "There are so many things wrong with you've done that I'm going to bleed out before I list them all. The forks don't need to be hanging 3 feet in the air when you drive. You shouldn't be wearing headphones, and you definitely shouldn't be drinking liquor."
"Oh yeah, man. My bad, James! Shoot, I'll call the team leader and see what we need to do about this." Carlos reached for his radio and said – I kid you not –"Catherine I just gored James with a forklift. Can he go home early?"
I couldn't help but have a faint laugh with my dying breath. He called the team leader. You definitely don't need to call an ambulance or… God.
Speaking of the divine, my soul was then ejected from my body and sucked into some kind of blue swirling portal that had sparkling electricity and mist popping out of it.
"Top lel, James! Top lel!"a voice bellowed out with some degree of glee. As the blue mist dissipated, I saw what I would characterize as an angel or perhaps a goddess. I don't know for sure the specifics. She beheld me with amusement. My death had made her day.
Interesting as she was, her attitude rubbed me the wrong way. "I don't see what's so funny about this. I'm standing in what appears to be the afterlife after Carlos mauled me down with a forklift."
"That's what's funny!" she burst out as she float around me with glee in her eyes ."You always joked that he was going to kill you, and then he did! It was true prophecy. You told the people and they believed not!"
"I know. I was there. Can you do anything to make it right? I have a wife and three kids. I really can't afford to be dead."
"Unfortunately, you have reached the Game Over screen on this one. Gg no re, mate!"
"So what becomes of me, then?"
"You get reincarnated into another world. I've always liked you, so I'll do you a small one. Get your Level-1 Fighter's Shield ready. Hyrule sound good?"
Her response was irritating. "If that is the case, then why don't you reincarnate me into my previous world as an adult? I can't walk away from my responsibilities to play Zelda in real life."
"Oh, it's the rules. My supervisor would kill me. And that would be no fun, anyway. You led a good life as a son, a father, and a husband. Reap your reward!"
"So, you're capable of doing what I asked, but company policy is standing in the way of you doing an effective job."
"Well, the rule is meant to let the living continue on without undue supernatural drama. Your time is over here, but it continues elsewhere!"
"Unacceptable. There was clearly some divine intervention at work which allowed Carlos to keep his job, and you need to make amends!" I was getting madder her than I ever was at Carlos. He's kind of dumb, so he has an excuse. This lady – or these gods – were capable of helping and simply refused to do so. I began to burn internally.
"Less talky, more whirly mist!" Before I could protest further, I was sucked back into a new blue whirling portal and landed in a field.
The mist from the portal had given my new body a mild headache. I knew where I was. I could see the walls of Hyrule Castle Town off in the distance. The Hyrulean flag waved proudly in the sky, showing off the Triforce surrounded by eagle's wings. I could also see the faint outline of a village in the distance to the northeast.