Hello all,
I hope I did this chapter justice, the long awaited chapter of Angel finding out. Word of warning this is a long one folks, I wanted to split it but it was going to mess all my other chapters up so I didn't bother. I think this is an emotional roll coaster too so fair warning, it's a lot but it's all needed to move forward...at least I hope...
The POVs will differ from now on between Angel and Buffy.
Credit to Douglas Petrie for the dialogue FROM YOKO FACTOR
Credit to Drew Goddard for parts of the dialogue from the episode SELFLESS and to Buffy vs Angel website for the transcript.
Hope you all enjoy :)
This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own.
May 2000
"Buffy…" Angel begins to reach out to her.
"Don't." Buffy steps away from his body before he could touch her. "Did I ever mean anything to you for you to throw all that way." Her lips wobbles slightly, she closes her eyes for a moment trying to get hold of her emotions. It won't do her any good if she starts crying.
"Don't think for a second that I didn't…don't love you."
"You have a funny way of showing it Angel." Buffy nearly sobs out; a tear slips down her cheeks. So much for keeping emotions in check.
"Buffy, that's not fair."
"Really? That's not fair! It's not fair that you decided something without me yet again, Angel. It affected me too." Buffy turns away from him, blinking furiously in attempts to stop the tears from flowing. She brings up a hand to her face, harshly wiping the escapees.
A weak sigh leaves Angel's lips before he replies to her gently. "I know, I thought I was saving you from the pain, from you dying."
Buffy takes a breath; she turns to face him. He can see the hurt, the pain and heartbreak within her eyes, "Angel, I'm dying every single day without you. I feel like I'm drowning and there doesn't seem to be any way of reaching the surface." Buffy states truthfully, another tear follows the first. "I'm a big girl and I can make my own choices and decisions something that no-one seems to understand."
Angel shakes his head gently, "it doesn't seem like you've been suffering a whole lot, Buffy." Gesturing to her stomach, eyes narrowing at it. He wanted to be happy for her, she deserves to be a mother. She would be a great mother. He just didn't think it would be so soon. Plus, it hurt seeing her having something with someone else. Something that he wanted with her.
Buffy lets out a low chuckle, of course the idiot didn't hear her earlier regarding the word 'daddy'. Figures. She then looks at him dead in the eye, courage filling her whole being, long gone are the tears. "Well, the Oracles messed up big time when you and they decided to rob me of that day. They seemed to have forgotten a little something." Buffy mentions and rests her hands on top of her growing stomach. Her ever-observant eyes watching the vampire as he takes in the news.
Angel frowns as he stares down at her, first looking into her eyes to her stomach. His eyes begin to grow wide when he finally realises what she was telling him. "It's mine." He whispers in wonder; he strides over to the armchair and sits down all the while staring at her stomach with awe.
"Yep." She answers him, she quickly leaves the room and goes to the kitchen. There on the fridge is the little sonogram photo, she smiles at it and picks it off. Heading back into the lounge, Angel is right where she left him still looking at the spot that she had been in when she left.
"How?" He croaks out, his eyes lifting to hers.
"Do you really need a biology lesson?" She hands him over the sonogram, he takes the picture and turns it over.
"But…" Angel frowns looking down at the little photo that she handed to him. He smiles sadly at the picture, examining the little photo of the black and white baby. "Why didn't you tell me, I deserved to know." He quietly says to her, looking over at the blonde.
"That's a bit rich coming from you, don't you think?" Buffy says sarcastically crossing her arms over her chest. Angel nostrils flare as he watches as her arms lift her breasts, he quickly looks up to her face noticing her glaring eyes on him.
"Excuse me?" He asks darkly.
"You made a decision without me by believing that I deserve a normal life, leaving me and then to top it off you give your humanity away without a second thought."
"I did it to save you! I was told that you were going to die because I won't be able to protect you. I made that decision because I can't lose you Buffy. I left you so you have a chance of being able to have picnics in the sunlight, to be able to have children." Buffy gestures between herself and him and then points to her stomach. He ignores her and continues, "you not telling me is out of pettiness."
"No, I did this because you wanted me to stay the hell away from you, keep out of your city and business. Oh, and my personal favourite is that we should forget about one another. That's what you said right?" Pointing at him, her green eyes tightening at the man. Her lips go into a straight line, and she shakes her head at him. "Besides Angel, like you said earlier on today regarding you being in danger. Well guess what I'm always going to be in danger too. I'm the slayer remember. And for the mother of God, I can make my own damn decisions."
Angel's nostrils flares, he scowls at her. "You said the same thing to me, remember Buffy. And besides, I only said those things to you today. You've had a whole…6 months to tell me that you're pregnant."
"Actually 4 months…" Buffy mentions without thinking. Angel looks at her in disbelieve as she shrugs at him.
"And that's any better how?" He questions her, arching an eyebrow.
"Just like you making decisions and choices for me." Buffy throws at him, crossing her arms over her chest. He fights a smile; she looks breathtaking standing there with pregnant bump. Growing their child. Their child. "And besides, you left me remember!"
He runs a hand over his face, growing agitated with going in circles with her. "I left because it was the right thing to do to protect you!"
"What about my happiness? Does that mean anything to you." She questions softly to him.
He looks at her longingly, "of course it does Buffy. But after talking to your mom…"
Buffy frowns and interrupts him, "what discussion with my mother?"
"It's nothing." Angel brushes off, he stands up from his seat and heads over to the front door trying to get away from Buffy.
The blonde follows him, refusing him peace. "No tell me."
"Does it matter?" He opens the front door however it is shoved shut again when her lands on it. He turns round to face her, his lower and see the bump between them. His hands twitch wanting to reach out and feel.
His eyes raise to hers; she takes a breath. "It does if it's part of the reason of why you left." She answers him gently.
"Buffy…" he whispers.
"Tell me Angel." Buffy pleads to him. Angel loses the fight with himself with not being able to touch her, he raises a hand to her face cupping it slightly. She smiles weakly at him as he returns it with one of his own. Buffy raises her own hand to hold onto his and bring it down her body, her neck, collarbone, the side of her breast. She places it tenderly onto her stomach where she can feel the kicks.
Angel gulps as he the swell of her bump for the first time, taking in the hardness of her stomach. It amazes him the changes women go through when carrying a child. He never thought this would be something that he would get to experience.
But somehow, ever since he met Buffy, she has forever changed him. Giving him experiences he never thought would happen, falling in love with her and her him. Trusting him and giving herself over to him truly and deeply, something that gave him pure perfect happiness, granted the months afterwards are a lot to be desired but still he was complete and free for those few moments with her. She is his gift, his salvation, his redemption. And now she is gifting him the greatest of miracles.
A child. Their child.
A tap is felt under his hand, Angel looks up at Buffy with alarm unsure of what he felt. Buffy had to stop herself from laughing at the expression on Angel's face. "He's really active right now." Buffy tells him, her smile widening as she feels her son's activities.
Angel unknowingly rubs the stomach as their child moves around inside of her. "It's a boy?" he questions, his eyes not moving from watching the way her stomach moves when a tiny foot pokes out causing her stomach to distend slightly.
"Yeah, he is. It's weird when he does that, seeing this little foot coming out. It's like something out of the movies." Buffy complains half-heartedly to him; she watches his face as he takes everything in. They stand there for a few moments Angel watching the movements and Buffy unable to take her eyes off Angel. The way his eyes sparkling when he feels movements from their baby, the curve of his lips makes when a soft smile is replaced with a grin when he says something causing their child to get active in the womb. It was like their son knew who his father was.
She has dreamt of this ever since he saved her from the three when she was just 16 years old.
Buffy breaks the silence, her voice soft. "I want to know what my mother said to you Angel. She had no right to interfere in our relationship." Angel begins to open his mouth, but Buffy brings up her hand and her index finger goes to his lips hushing him. "I need to know."
Angel sighs and he unwraps his arms from around her as she lets go of him. She grabs his hand and leads him back into the living room. She pushes him onto the couch and goes ahead to sit next to him. He puts his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. "Buffy…"
"Please?" Her green eyes look up to his brown ones. Angel spends the next few minutes telling her everything that had occurred a couple of days before her prom the previous year. Buffy sits there in silence, listening to him recount the day. Her mind going over everything, from how her mother could do that to her to the fact that he listened to her mother. He didn't even bother telling her anything about it until now.
Buffy stands up after Angel finishes and paces in front of him. Angel watches her anxiously, Buffy spins to face him and opens her mouth. The blonde frowns at him before closing her mouth once again. She lets out a huff and falls into the armchair opposite him. "She had no right to come to you and get you make that decision." Buffy complains to him.
Angel sighs, clasping his hands in front of him on his knees. "Buffy, she is just trying to protect you, she wants what's best for you."
"You are what is best for me." Buffy tells him defiantly.
"Buffy…" Angel yearns as he leans back into the sofa, his chocolate eyes never leaving her own forest ones.
"I want us to be together and to raise this little guy as a family."
"Buffy, I do too but…"
"Yeah, the curse and you want me to have a normal life." Buffy tells him in a bored tone, the repeated discussions of the reasoning of their non-existent relationship is growing old quick. It's driving her insane, no-one is listening to her. "I'm not going to have a normal life and funny enough, this child," Buffy gestures to her stomach, "is yours, not some average normal joe. So realistically this child isn't going to be normal either."
Angel's eyes widen as he takes in her words, he hadn't even come to conclusion the dangers their child is going to be facing. Being a child of a slayer and a vampire with a soul. Their child is going to be pursued all his life.
Angel frowns, his mind suddenly filled with trying to protect both her and his child. "He's going to be hunted throughout his life, isn't he?"
Buffy takes a breath, her eyes filling with tears. "Unfortunately." Angel grimly nods his head looking down to the floor. "I had the option to…but I couldn't go through it." Buffy confesses, biting her lip in anticipation. "He's part of me and you. I couldn't erase that." Buffy forlornly whispers.
Angel nods his head; he hated that she didn't. He knew this is going to get even more complicated between them as well as messy. Yet he understands her reasoning and that it is her body, her decision.
"I'm sorry for how I spoke to you on the phone earlier. The way I spoke to you… I couldn't leave it like that. I came to apologise.I... I had no right." Angel and Buffy share a smile with one another.
"Thank you. It means a lot that you came." Buffy tells him, giving him a watery smile. Angel nods his head.
He looks around the living room and then glances back at her. He watches her for a moment, her head leaning back into the armchair with her eyes closed. He notices the tiredness surrounding her, the way her shoulders are hunching over like she is carrying the weight of the world. "Uh, things are pretty tense around here." Angel observes.
"They really are." Buffy says without opening her eyes. She didn't realise how truly tired she is.
"Can I do anything? I plan to stay in town for a while." Buffy eyes shoot open to look at him. "I want to make sure you and him are safe Buffy. I don't know my plans yet, but I want to be here for now. It doesn't change anything or us for that matter."
Buffy nods her in understanding, yet all she wanted to do was argue with the male. But it wouldn't change a thing. She knows how determine he is in ensuring they don't let Angelus loose again.
It might not be what she wants exactly but it was a start.
Angel groans loudly as he walks into the mansion slowly, he leans against the door after he closed it and lets out a breath that wasn't needed. The pain in his shoulder beginning to fade away, however his muscles still sore from being thrown against the mausoleum unexpectedly. Thankfully, he managed to quickly recover and dispose of the vampire promptly although not before the vampire taunt Angel about some Adam guy and him wanting Buffy.
Angel concerned; Buffy is pregnant. Pregnant with his child. They were having a child. A little boy.
His mind still couldn't get round to the idea, his unbeaten heart however has. The love of his undead life is having his child, and he couldn't be happier. And yet both are now a target for all his enemies. They are currently vulnerable meaning they are in danger.
How is he going to ensure she and their son is safe when she's here and he's supposed to be in Los Angeles.
Angel shakes his head, not wanting to even begin to think about any of that now. Instead, he reaches into his pocket of his coat, pulling out his cell phone he flips it open and goes to a familiar contact. He listens to the dial tone as he steps further into the mansion as the phone connects to the other person on the line.
Before the person says anything, Angel begins to speak, "Doyle, it's Angel. I need you, Wes and Cordy to come to Sunnydale immediately. There has been a development that needs all hands-on deck." There's a sigh on the other end of the line; Angel then drops the bombshell before anything else is said. "Buffy's pregnant and it's mine."
Before anything could be said by Doyle, Angel quickly hangs up the phone. He didn't want or need a million questions when he will get them from Cordelia when she gets here and that's not even mentioning how Wesley is going to act. Best get them all out of the way at the same time rather than repeating himself continuously or being asked the same question multiple times over, just said differently. Then there were the answers that he himself didn't even know, he knew it would be best to have his team with him so that between them and Buffy's team they could work out something or at least get answers.
When did it get to the point that there are two different teams? Leading different lives. His own and Buffy's. It doesn't make sense. He hated it, being separated from her but it's for the best, even though it is slowly killing him inside.
Angel rubs the bridge of his nose and lets out an annoyed sigh, tiredness sweeping through his body, the centuries old vampire makes his way through the mansion to the master bedroom hoping to get a little bit of sleep before he gets bombard.
A few hours later, Angel rubs his eyes tiredly trying desperately to fight the yawn. He shakes his head after the yawn defeated him, making his way casually to the front door which happens to currently be banging. Barely taking any notice of his lack of clothing, he opens it cautiously making sure that he is out of the way of the sun. He sees three bodies belonging to Doyle, Wesley, and Cordelia.
Cordelia let's out a whistle eyeing the half-naked vampire up, sure she had seen him a couple of times without his top on however it just never gets old seeing all the milky goodness. Doyle rises an eyebrow; he waltzes past Angel and into the open living space looking all around taking it in. Wesley follows behind avoiding eye contact with Angel, dragging a suitcase behind him. No doubt full of books.
Doyle whistles gaining Cordelia's attention, she arches her eyebrow before rolling her eyes at Doyle who is giving her a pointed look. She too waltzes into the mansion like she owns the place, dragging her own suitcase. Without even having to think about it Angel knew it will be filled with various of clothes for the brunette.
Doyle claps his hands together drawing everyone's attention to him, "so are you going to explain now." Doyle drawls out in his Irish accent.
Cordelia sits herself down on the empty sofa with Doyle perching on the arm next to her. Wesley stays standing behind them, all of them wide eyed ready for Angel to begin explaining to them what happened during Thanksgiving, 6 months ago. Wesley, who had never heard of the story before, unlike his co-workers, frowned deeply the more Angel spoke of what happened and the deal he made with the Oracles.
Angel final finishes by telling them that Buffy is expecting a baby boy in a few months. Doyle while didn't react to the news, took note of Angel saying, 'Buffy is expecting' and not himself. Angel's eyes meet Doyle's as he asks him a question that has been playing on his mind since Buffy told him, "Could they have messed up or miss something?"
"I don't know, I mean we can contact them if you'd like?"
"Can we do that from here?"
"We can do it anywhere. Should we include Buffy in this little visit this time though?"
Angel thinks for a moment before deciding, he shakes his head "no, I don't want to worry her, nor do I want her around them."
"Scared they might hurt her?" Doyle questions Angel, worry filling his tone as he furrows his brows.
Angel shakes his head, "more like what she would do to them." Doyle lets out a chuckle, he should have known. While he might not have seen the slayer in action and had met her only briefly. He had, in fact, heard stories about the blonde from all three of his colleagues and from her own reputation.
Wesley eventually clears his throat, having pondered over the information he had been told. While he had been briefly been informed by Doyle before coming back to Sunnydale, it was still a lot of information as well as the dealing with powerful beings. Like Giles, he too knew truly little of the Oracles, yet he knew enough to know that they never did anything in halves. Which begs the question, of why take Buffy's memories away yet leave her pregnant from the time she and Angel spent. There must be a reason. "I've spoken to Giles before we all came and well according to him, they have all been researching this occurrence since Buffy found out she was pregnant 4 months ago. They haven't been able to find anything out yet. What I don't understand is the Oracles, from what I know of them which isn't much…" Angel clears his throat and gives Wesley a pointed look. Wesley apologises, "sorry, but they never mess something up. There must be a reason as to why she's pregnant when the day was taken back, yet no-one can seem to find the reason."
Cordelia pulls a face, "they've known for 4 months that Buffy is pregnant, and they haven't said a damn thing. Figures." She states snootily. "You would think they would have said something especially since you're the father." Cordelia rolls her eyes at the pettiness of the Scooby gang.
"I'm sure they had their reasons, princess." Doyle throws it out there only to get a deadpanned look from the other three members of Angel Investigations. "Maybe not then…" he mutters.
"I think going across to Giles and having a proper conversation with him on where he is at with all this would be best thing for me. Together we might find something in these books I brought along. I don't remember Giles having them." Wesley tells them.
"We should all get together, more heads and eyes we might be able to solve what exactly is happening or at least get some sort of idea. The Oracles won't be very forthcoming with an answer to this. It's properly best to at least try and get ahead." Angel says, he looks to Cordelia, "can you phone Giles or someone? I want to meet today." Angel requests to her before leaving the room to get himself organised.
Cordelia throws her head back, landing it onto Doyle's thigh as she closes her eyes and groans at the thought of having to do research and look through old dusty books. Doyle's face breaks into a smile as he takes in her beauty before leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. The young woman opens her eyes and gives him a soft smile, as he moves his lips to her own.
Wesley clears his throat gaining the attention of the couple. "Oh right…" Cordelia mutters and pulls out her cell phone beginning to dial a familiar number. She waits a moment as it dials and eventually it connects her to the former librarian.
"Giles, hi it's Cordelia. I'm good thank you, how are you? Great listen, we're all in Sunnydale now and Angel wants us all to get to together. See if between us all we can find out what is happening. Okay…uh huh. Right, well I'll let our side know. Great thanks again Giles." As she hangs up the phone, Angel walks back into the room completely dressed in his usually all-in black outfit.
Cordelia explains to the men of where they are heading. "We're all to meet over at Buffy's. He's going to head over there now, he mentioned something about it being a difficult day for Buffy. I didn't really understand." Angel's ears perk up when she mentions about it being a bad day for the slayer. Cordelia just shrugs her shoulders; Angel let's out a sigh and grabs a blanket that he had thrown onto the sofa as he walked in.
He tosses the keys over to Doyle, "you can drive, Cordelia will give you directions. Let's go."
Buffy stands in the kitchen nibbling on a ginger biscuit trying to ease the sickness that is trying desperately to make an appearance once again this morning. Buffy swallows the food begrudgingly, she then takes a deep breath and slowly exhales, the feeling of her stomach churning away violently. She places the biscuit down onto the counter, picking up the glass of water taking slow sips.
Nothing seemed to be helping her this morning.
"You okay sweetheart." Joyce asks as she wanders into the kitchen, concern written on her face. She walks over to Buffy, feels her forehead, and strokes her hair out of her face. The older woman had gotten back from her trip early this morning, surprising Buffy who hadn't been expecting her until later this afternoon.
"Just feeling sick again this morning that's all." Buffy mutters, closing her eyes and tilting her head into her mother's hand. Nothing was more comforting for Buffy in that moment, her mother's touch.
"Did you want me to make some herbal tea that Tara had brought over the other day for you to try?" Joyce asks her, a smile on her face as she takes in her daughter pale face. It is bittersweet to see Buffy like this, part of her loved taking care of her 19-year-old daughter just like she used too when she was little. Another part of her hated seeing how exhausted Buffy's been, the constant need of being sick sometimes it got so bad that Buffy could hardly keep anything down.
"Please." Buffy answers in a small voice, she moves away from her mother and sits down on the stool, she places her head onto the counter. Joyce frowns, before making her way over to the kettle beginning to boil water.
Buffy and her mother both turn their heads to as they hear the front door open along with the voices of Xander, Anya, Oz, and Willow. Buffy frowns not expecting any of them, after what happened yesterday between them Buffy expected the silent treatment from them for the next couple of days.
The group of four all make their way into the kitchen with smiles on their faces, it was like what was said yesterday didn't happen.
Willow slides into the chair next to Buffy and gives her a smile. "I'm sorry. You are right and I promise to support you whenever you need it." Willow places her hand on top of Buffy and gives her a comforting squeeze which Buffy reciprocates with her own grateful smile.
"How are you doing Buffster?" Xander asks, refusing to acknowledge what happened yesterday. Buffy wanted to roll her eyes, typical Xander, it was either silent treatment or brushed under the rug with the man.
Joyce places the tea in front of Buffy, the young woman smiles and blows over it trying to cool it down. "Feeling like death warmed up."
Anya grimaces, "pregnancy isn't pretty at all. I thought you would be glowing or making it look perfect, but it doesn't seem to be it's all cracked up to be, especially on you." Everyone's eyes rest on Anya's at her bluntness and lack of consideration to the pregnant teen. She just shrugs, "what it's true, she looks awful all the time."
"Anya. We've spoke about this. You don't need to say everything that comes to your head." Xander scolds, he looks over at Buffy his face trying to apologise on his girlfriend's behalf. Buffy just shakes her head; she is used to Anya's bluntness and brutal honesty.
"Is there anything we can do that can help?" Willow enquires; her face filled with worry. When Buffy was like this in the past it meant it is going to be a hard couple of days for the slayer.
Buffy picks up the mug and takes a sip of the warm herbal tea. "The tea should help hopefully. Thank you though." Willow nods her head, feeling useless. Oz gives her shoulder at squeeze, to which she looks at him giving him a little smile.
"Do any of you need anything?" Joyce looks over at them all, they all shake their heads.
"We're fine thank you, Ms Summers." Oz answers for them all, Joyce smiles and begins to leave the kitchen when the phone begins to ring.
The older woman grabs the phone, answering it. "Rupert, hello…yeah I'm okay, it's a hard day for Buffy though." Joyce looks over at Buffy whose head was on Willow's shoulder with her eyes closed. Oz was standing behind the pair rubbing both of their shoulders trying to bring comfort to both women. "Okay…I will let them know." Joyce hangs up the phone and turns to face the teenagers, "Rupert is on his way over." Buffy scowls at the use of his forename, why her mother can't call him 'Giles' is beyond her. It makes her feel all yucky inside when her mother calls him 'Rupert'. It's too familiar and intimate.
It made her feel sick.
The group all nod, "Buffy would you be more comfortable in the living room." Willow says.
"I don't wanna move." She moans out, Xander rolls his eyes and goes over to the slayer. He supports her back and grabs the back of legs. "You don't have too…"
"Buffy it's fine. You need somewhere far more comfort than leaning against the kitchen counter." Xander argues with her, she gives him a small grateful smile and leans her head onto his shoulder with her eyes closed.
She is exhausted, she is either spending time throwing up most of the night, being plagued with dreams and nightmares of various things that have happened since she moved to Sunnydale. Her latest nightmares featured Adam and the death of her son by his hands, every single time she would wake with tears and the sounds of her screams.
It always seemed too real and vivid to her.
Buffy feels herself being lowered to the sofa; the slayer snuggles into the sofa as the other place themselves around her. She barely pays any of the attention as they all quietly speak around her about random things.
There is a knock on the door, Joyce answers it with a smile when she notices Giles is on the other side. "Rupert, come in." The older gentleman lowers his head in greeting and walks through the door towing a suitcase after him as Joyce closes the door.
"Moving in?" Xander asks with a frown. Buffy sits up more looking over at her watcher with a raised eyebrow and then her mother who avoids her eyes. Buffy leans back against the couch with a groan and grimace.
She so doesn't need to know.
"It's for research." Giles answers, however, before he can explain further banging from the door happens once again only this time it grows louder. Everyone but Giles frowns all wondering who exactly could be causing quite the ruckus. Giles this opens the door, being that he is the closest.
Cordelia and Wesley both come storming into the hallway barely acknowledging everyone else, suddenly a blanket covered in smoke comes running through the door along with an unknown male. The blanket comes off to reveal Angel, Joyce narrows her eyes at the vampire as Xander rolls his. Willow bites back a smile and looks over to Buffy who doesn't seem to be surprised by the sudden appearance of her love.
"Angel." Buffy moves to stand up, her stomach and the sickness easing up on her.
"Buffy." Angel moves towards her, their bodies automatically calling out to one another. He stops her from moving off the sofa and kneels in front of her, both barely paying attention to everyone in the room or the countless of eyes roll they received. Angel brushes his fingertips against her cheek.
"I heard you weren't feeling great." Angel mentions softly, his eyes looking at her with concern. He checks over her body ensuring that nothing was a miss, his ears listening closely to her body. Her heart rate begins to settle down from when he first stepped into the room, he tries to fight the smile that threatens a upon his face as he hears the strong heartbeat of his child and the begins of him waking up.
"Joys of pregnancy." Angel frowns at her answer and blatant disregard to her wellbeing. "I'll be fine." Buffy reassures him with a smile on her face. Being near him is making her feel better already. "I'm assuming you're here to help with the research party that seems to be happening over here." Buffy utters to him.
"Yeah, I am, we need to figure out how this…" his hands itch to place themselves onto her growing stomach, "happened. The day was cancelled out Buffy, there must be an explanation as to why you're pregnant from it." Buffy frowns and swallows the lump in her throat. She knows everyone is right yet part of her is scared if they find the answer then could this all disappear. Her child be non-existent, something that her and Angel created be completely forgotten. She didn't want that.
"We still need to find out how to defeat Adam." Buffy mentions with a grim face, her arms over her body feeling small
"Half of us can look into ways of destroying Adam and the other half can look into finding out more about…" Angel says and gestures to Buffy's stomach. He wanted to acknowledge their child however he didn't want to become attached to it like Buffy. He knew if he did, it will kill him if their son is taken away from them. He already knew it was going to hurt Buffy, one of them had to be strong for the other if it doesn't go the way they hoped. And boy does he hopes their son stays.
"It's a baby." Buffy mutters, rolling her eyes trying to hide the pain that she is feeling with his lack of acknowledgement of their child.
"Right." Angel states, his eyes never leaving Buffy's body.
Awkwardness fills the room as everyone looks around trying to avoid both Angel and Buffy's interaction. Doyle eventually speaks up, cutting the rising tension in the room. "Shall we make a start then."
Everyone quickly nods in agreement, all moving quickly into the other room to get a start with the books that both Giles and Wesley had brought over.
Later that afternoon, everyone from both groups, Willow had called Tara to see if she wanted to help, were all in Summer's household pouring over various of books and texts. The group had been split down the middle, some of them were looking into anything they can find once again regarding Buffy and Angel's soon-to-be child. While the other half were helping to find ways of defeating Adam before he causes any more problems.
Joyce even joined them at points throughout the evening with beverages and snacks for them all. Something that everyone was incredibly grateful for.
Cordelia lets out a groan before putting another book onto the pile of 'not very helpful', she sits back into her chair and stretches her body. She lets out a yawn, and then huffs, "the sooner we can find out what is happening, the sooner we" Cordelia remarks without thinking and gestures to herself, Doyle, Wesley, and Angel. "Can get the hell out of Sunny-hell. I forgot how much I hate this place." She mutters her eyes rolling picking up the next book from the pile.
Buffy looks at Angel as the former cheerleader says this. The vampire avoids her eyes, continuing to skim through the book that he had in his hands. Buffy frowns and looks over to both Wesley, who also is avoiding her gaze while Doyle glances at her with a dejected look.
Buffy turns away from him; taking a shaky breath, she can feel the sting of tears threatening to escape. She frowns at the book in front of her, not that she had been paying that much attention to it to begin with.
Its then, that the rage, the bitterness began to fester from within.
Buffy lets out a disbelieve laugh, eyes shoot up to her being. Her laugh then becomes a sob, an uncontrollable sob. With watery eyes she looks around the room suddenly feeling like an outsider looking in. All of them; well apart from Tara, Doyle, and Wesley, are making decisions for her. None of them seemed to care or take into consideration of how she felt or what she wanted.
Buffy shakes her head and stands up; a manic laugh leaves her as tears flow down her red cheeks. She is over this, sick and tired of them all. Of bottling up her emotions, feelings that she has held in for the last couple of years, keeping her mouth shut because it was the right thing to do.
"Something funny?" Cordelia asks arching her eyebrow at the pregnant blonde who currently was looking like manic.
"I'm done." The slayer laughs out, she looks up to the ceiling and licks her lips. The fury taking over her body, she can feel her hands shaking.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Xander asks looking around confused.
"I'm tired of you all." Giles opens his mouth but Buffy glares over at him. "I'm tired of decisions that involve me are being made without my knowing, without my feelings or thoughts being considered. I'm just so fucking tired of this. I'm the god-damn slayer, who can't make her own decisions about her own life. It's pathetic." Buffy spits out in anger.
"Buffy…" Willow begins, she knew her friend needs this but right now wasn't the time for her outburst. Tara shifts uncomfortably sensing the rising tension within the room, hating the conflict and knows it's about to come into fruition.
"Don't…I love you all so much but just don't."
"Buffy, maybe you should…" Joyce tries to console her distressful daughter.
Buffy stood from her seat abruptly swinging around to face her mother. "Don't tell me what to do! Did you give Angel the idea about him leaving?" Buffy asks, tears beginning to well in her eyes as she stares at her mother. She watches as her mother glances over at Angel before looking back over at her daughter.
Joyce swallows and then answers honestly. "I did it to protect you."
One of Buffy's hands flies to mouth, and sob breaks free. "How could you? What about my happiness, does that mean nothing to you." Angel comes up behind Buffy trying to reach out to her. "Don't touch me!" Buffy shouts out when she notices him through her peripheral vision, tears flowing down her face. She looks around the room, everyone is silent all of them looking guilty and ashamed. "Does my happiness mean anything to any of you?"
"Of course, your happiness means everything to us Buffster." Xander speaks up, he stands up from his own seat trying to ease the slayer down.
Buffy closes her eyes, more tears slipping down her cheeks. "No, it doesn't Xander. Because if it did people wouldn't be making decisions on my behalf regarding what I want and my happiness." Angel looks over to her with remorseful eyes as Buffy stares longingly at him.
Joyce catches the ex-lovers glancing over at one another. She exhales heavily, "then what do you want then Buffy. You're 19-years-old, you have your whole life ahead of you. You are just starting out in life, and you do not need centuries old vampire when there are perfectly 'normal' men out there." Joyce rants to her.
"I'm sorry I'm a bitter disappointment for you and that I can't be a normal teenager for you. I will never be normal. Angel made me feel normal for just a moment."
"Buffy…" Joyce scowls at her.
"Mom…wake up." Buffy inhales and exhales deeply, eyes narrowing at her mother. "I love you, but please let me make the decision. Not you. It's my life not yours. The life expectancy of a slayer isn't a long one and I want to live it how I see fit, not for you but for me. I don't know whether I'm going to die tonight or tomorrow night. I could die whenever." Buffy stops taking a breath, she could feel her lips trembling. "But I would rather die happy and loved knowing I loved with my whole being and I was loved and worshipped in return. Isn't that what anyone wants?" She glances around the room everyone looking at her either in deep in thought or with sorrow eyes.
Joyce stays silent, it was in that moment she knew. She was losing Buffy to the 200-year-old vampire who stole her tender heart at 16 and there is nothing Joyce could do. She knew what Buffy was saying makes sense and that the love the couple shares was something that every single girl dreams of.
Who was she too get in the way of true love? Not when they always are coordinated with one another even after the time apart. She has been watching them throughout the evening as they researched. Angel always knew what Buffy needed before even her daughter did, a few times he had gone and fetched her water. She had even witnessed him grabbing her a tissue just as Buffy sneezed. She even caught him a couple of times rubbing her lower back in trying to ease the ache she knew Buffy was experiencing. He knew her. Buffy had been just attentive as he had been too, whenever Angel had read something, Buffy was there just as he took a deep breath like it was upsetting him. Her hand reaching over to his, offering him support even as she carried on reading her own book.
They knew each other inside out; words didn't need to be spoken. The love they shared was pure. Joyce closes her eyes and silently let her daughter go, this argument would only lead to Joyce losing Buffy and her grandson forever. She knew how stubborn her little girl is.
At least with Angel, Buffy just might live a bit longer than the average slayer.
Xander lets out a cold laugh, "of course, it always goes back to dead guy." He throws himself in the chair he had previously been occupying throwing his hand in the direction of Angel. "And what happens when he loses his soul again? Is Willow expected to do her witchy magic every time you two get freaky?" Xander then turns to Angel, "do you have a list on which order you plan on killing us? I would just like to know so I can get my affairs in order, say goodbye to the people I love and care about."
Angel glares over at the teenager trying desperately to control his anger. Cordelia opens her mouth to say something however, Giles places his glasses back onto his face and shakes his head.
"Xander, that's enough." Giles reprimands the youngster, Xander lets out a scoff.
"What it's true, Angel is eventually going to kill us all like he did to Miss Calendar." Xander argues back to him, he goes to stand up once again however Anya grabs hold of his arm trying to stop him. The man shrugs her off of him, ignoring her completely. Anya's face falls to disheartened, Cordelia moves closer to the ex-demon grabbing hold of hand and squeezing it. Offering her support.
"No, Angel didn't. Angelus did. They are two vastly different people, get with the program. And without being rude Xander, we all lost Jenny however the only person who should really be pissed with the demon is Giles. Not you. It's getting old that that is the only argument you have when anything involves Angel." Buffy bitterly spats back at one of her best friends.
"Buffy…" Willow tries again to get her to stop her rant, but Buffy couldn't. Not now, the things that she's held in for the last 18 months seem to be spilling out. Oz places his hand onto Willow's shoulder trying to give her the support that she needs. He knew her hatred for fighting and arguing with Buffy more so than Xander.
"No offence Will, but you weren't exactly helpful either. Worrying over your boyfriend, who's a werewolf, senior year, and witchcraft." Oz frowns looking slightly dejected. Willow looks down to the ground, guilt beginning to eat away at the witch yet again. She knew she hadn't been the greatest friend at that point for the slayer especially when she knew how important Angel had been for Buffy.
"Hey! That's enough. You left remember! You suddenly abandoned us because you couldn't handle it." Xander shouts out to her, pointing a finger at her. He goes over to stand protectively by Willow.
Buffy shakes her head at the pair, it was always them against her. "Do you remember cheering me on when I killed Angel? Both of you. Do you remember giving me Willow's message: Kick his ass." Willow's gaze shoots over to Xander who evades her gaze, the look of hurt written across her face. She gets up from her seat and glares at the dark-haired man.
"I never said that…" Willow murmurs out, she looks anxiously at her blonde friend, hoping that she believes her. Buffy nods her head in recognition of believing the red head, offering a small smile.
"Buffy, you must see things from our perspective. It's not about your happiness but the lives of others. That's what is at stake here if you decide to be selfish." Giles speaks bluntly to her, eyes avoiding her own.
Buffy huffs, "why can't you trust me, trust that I know what I'm doing."
"Trust, you like we did when you left us after everything went down with Angel?" Xander says, distrust within his tone.
"Because I knew I wouldn't get any support from any of you." Buffy scoffs. "None of you cared how I felt. I killed…" Buffy chokes up, Angel walks towards her yet again wanting to comfort her but she backs away from him. "I killed Angel! Do you even remember that? I would have given up everything I had to be with - I love him more than I will ever love anything in this life. And I put a sword through his heart because I had to. I had to kill the love of my life…my best friend. The only person where I felt like a normal teenager and none of you cared, nor did you understand." Tears streaming down her face, she turns away from them all.
Silence fills the room as everyone takes in Buffy's words, remorse and guilt hung in the air surrounding them all. Buffy tries to gain control of her emotions but was unsuccessful
"Buffy…" Angel moves closer to his slayer; he weakly holds onto her biceps turning her to face him. She brings her hands up to him trying hard to get him off her. She punches into his chest in hoping it will move him, but it doesn't work. Angel brings her closer to him all the while enduring her beating. "I know…I know." He says, laying his head on top of her own and she sobs into her chest.
"I love you so much." She sobs out, Angel closes his eyes as a tear streak down his own cheeks. "I want my life with you." She mutters out.
Everyone in the room watches the pair as they stand there holding onto one another for dear life, they can see the love and passion they have for one another. Books are written for this type of love; it is rare in the real world. It is unsurprising that it is something the slayer and even the vampire are both trying so hard to hold onto it for dear life.
Yet, there will always be the matter of Angel's curse hanging over their heads.
"Buffy…I'm sorry." Angel mutters out to her, miserable at having to lose and break her heart continually when all he wants to do is take her in his arms and be with her permanently. But life unfortunately isn't that easy and likes playing cruel tricks on them. Buffy shakes her head into his chest then takes in his spicy scent that she associates with him before breaking free from his arms. A hand cups his cheek taking in every detail of him for a moment before she steps back away from him. She looks around the room one last time before she turns to leave the house without another word slamming the door on her way out.
Eyes watch as she leaves her family home, everyone too stunned to move or attempt to go after her. They are all blissfully unaware of someone walking into the dining room. A man in
last decades clothes and a hat, with slice of pizza in his hand narrows his eyes at the back of heads before him. "You're all a bunch of idiots." He says, causing everyone to turn to look at the newcomer.
"Who are you?" Cordelia inquires, her eyes narrowing at the ginger haired man.
"Whistler." Angel and Doyle states. Everyone looks to them and then back to this 'Whistler' fella.
"Nice to see you boys again. Right, I'm going to cut to the chase and for those who don't know me. I am a half-demon, but I'm one of the good guys. I'm an agent for the Powers That Be who seek balance for the universe. Now that's out of the way. Blondie that's just left is right."
"About..." Xander asks, his face full of confusion.
"Pretty much everything." He turns to look at Angel. "Your baby is human, there nothing to worry about there." He looks to everyone else in a 'told you so' expression. He turns back to the vampire with a soul, "it nearly killed her for killing you. Did you know that? Did any of you?" He looks around at everyone else around the room once more. "And I don't mean the physical sense." Everyone looks away from him, the realisation of the pain that Buffy has been going through sudden coming apparent. Whistler looks back over at Angel, "I sent you to protect her, to be there for her. She is your redemption."
"I wanted to give her a normal life."
Whistler lets out a manic laugh, "she is never ever going to have a normal life." He says this and looks at Joyce. "Stop trying to force it a upon her, it is never ever going to happen. She is meant for you Angel. You are both gifts from the Power That Be to one another in this horrid world of fighting. It's a little pleasure they wanted to give because they know how hard this road is going to be for you both."
"I can't be with her. I'm cursed remember." Angel growls.
"Are you?"
"What?" Wesley and Giles both ask at the same time, both knew when to read in-between the lines.
"You mean none of you know?" He looks around at everyone who look completely clueless. He huffs and mutters something under his breath. "When Angel bit Buffy last summer, he marked her, both the soul and the demon accepted her." Whistler explains to them. Angel frowns.
"What does that mean?" Oz speaks up for the first time.
"It means that Angel and Buffy are mated, husband and wife in the vampire world, soulmates. The whole nine yards. Whatever you wanna call it. As soon as you…" pointing to Angel. "Marked her as your equal, somehow the clause became void, non-existent."
"Wait…let me get this straight, you mean Buffy and vampire guy over here can now do the deed without the whole world ending." Xander asks in disbelieve.
"Yes basically." Whistler looks at Angel who is frowning as he takes all the unfamiliar information in. "The happiness clause is gone Angel; Angelus won't be allowed out unless some hocus pocus interferes. Your love for one another is to strengthen you both, keep you grounded. So, you remember what you're fighting for. The love you have for one another; it's your compass Angel. Let it guide you."