Chapter 9: Gerudo Lib II
Just as Blind said, Naresa supplied me with a suit of armor and 'orders' to infiltrate the palace. Ostensibly, I'm in the 4th Knighthood Batallion. I'm on special deployment as a reserve so that some soldiers can join the fight against the Bokoblins in the East. Our coat of arms is a Lion, a key, and the Triforce of Courage arranged in a shield.
"Joseph Ravencrest, reporting for duty, sir." I handed my paperwork to the Knight at the gate.
"Meet with the Commander. He'll give you an assignment. Chances are they'll put you on gate duty for your first few weeks here. It's really easy. You just make sure that no kids go out of town and keep an eye out for illegal activity."
"That sounds real exciting." I said with boredom.
"Oh you're living the life now. Welcome to the desert paradise where we only have fruity martinis and ravenous thieves to keep our time occupied."
"Yes, sir." And I walked through.
A moment of indecision set in. Do I actually report to the Commander? Will the Commander realize that my paperwork is fraudulent? I weighed it for a moment as I slowly walked toward what was once the Gerudo throne room. I decided that ultimately, the Commander is most likely to know what became of the Lucendorf, the Gerudo male. So I went right to his desk, which was situated perhaps five feet in front of the Gerudo throne.
"Joseph Ravencrest, sir. I was out in the east, but they transferred me here as part of whatever personnel shakeup is going on."
"You must be a new knight."the Commander said as he looked me over."It's all pretty standard. Troops get rotated every two years or so. It's to keep the whole army familiar with the many environments we might face during warfare. Welcome to Gerudo Town. It's pretty easy here. Just keep your guard up, try to get along with the locals, and don't accept any free drinks from suspiciously attractive Gerudo women."
"So I've heard." I said, thinking back to the time Naresa drugged me for an interrogation.
"Go out to the South gate and meet up with Reggie. Uh, Sir Reginald Bodson is his full name. There's a lot of traffic that comes and goes from the Bazaar. He could use some help keeping an eye out for untaxed exports."
"Yes, sir." I said as I walked away. I mulled over how to proceed once again. I decided to go to the South gate and come back during the night when the Commander is sleeping.
"I'm Joseph Ravencrest, Sir Bodson. I'm supposed to help you guard the South gate." I announced as I approached Sir Bodson.
"Over there."He said, pointing toward the opposite side of the gate. "Look out for outgoing goods that don't have our stamp." He held up a stamper with the Hyrulean flag on it.
We searched the goods of many outgoing Gerudo. A surprising number of people opted to pay us to get their goods branded here. Reggie tells me that it was perfectly legal, but I somehow doubt the money he collected went toward Hyrule Castle's coffers. It seemed shady, as the tax for goods is 10%, and I know that the bread we saw go out should have at least 5 Rupees tax. Reggie charged them two. In his way, I guess, he was doing some small degree of good for the Gerudo.
As the night shift came to relieve us, I told Reggie I wanted to see more of the palace architecture and statues. He said he didn't think it would be a big deal if I looked around, which is all the outward justification I needed to proceed with trying to sneak back into the Commander's desk.
The Commander was not at his desk, so I looked both ways and tried to find some sort of document. There were minutes of meetings which made no mention of Lucendorf, a letter from the Castle about this year's troop rotations, and a small portrait of some woman – probably his wife. Next to the photo, there was a small book which had My Time in Hell penned onto its cover. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was the Commander's personal diary.
There were entries like, "The Gerudo continue starting stuff. One or two soldiers get killed a month. If it were up to me, we'd burn this city to the ground to teach them a lesson!" and other gems like, "I heard a rumor that Reggie is helping Gerudos commit tax evasion. Leave it to these desert thieves to make up stuff about one of my best men." and still others like, "It's so hot here. How have they lived here for so long? No wonder Ganondorf wanted to conquer Hyrule. If I lived here, I'd want to conquer somewhere else and live there, too!"
But after reading more, I found the relevant entry. "I met with Queen Zelda today over the Gerudo kid. He's to be transported directly to the Castle so that she can groom him into a responsible leader. Once we raise him to teach the Gerudos to accept Hylian rule, maybe we won't have to have so many soldiers stations in this place. But as for me and the next twenty years, it's probably here unless I quit the army. I miss my family every day."
This was pretty juicy. I was entrenched into this explanation of Hyrule and Gerudo Town from a soldier's perspective. So when the Commander returned and said, "Did you find what you were looking for?" I was caught totally off guard.
"Uh, no sir. I was just looking at the statues in here, and I, uh, started reading your private diary."
"Cut the crap. You're not with the 4th Batallion. I checked. I thought maybe it was just paperwork error, but now you're searching through my desk. You're starting to look a lot like a spy!"
"You've got it all wrong. I'm Joseph Ravencrest. I'm not a spy. I was born in Castle Town on that alleyway near the Bazaar! I grew up hearing of Link's exploits during the war and wanted to be like him. I'm not a spy!"
"Joseph Ravencrest, who was going through my personal belongings without permission." The Commander unsheathed his sword. Boy, a shoot first, ask questions later, kind of guy!
"Wait, sir. I was just - "
"Jim, George, get in here! Get some information out of this guy." Two guards came in and proceeded to take off my armor and beat me.
"The tourist from the hotel!" one announced. "Enjoying your stay?"
"Who sent you?"
"No one, I'm -" and George continued punching me while Jim held me up. It hurt quite a bit. I figured I was going to die in this room.
"Throw him in the dungeon for tonight." the Commander announced. "Judge Larence can decide his fate tomorrow." Something told me the penalty for espionage is not so kind in this medieval society.
The dungeons of Gerudo Palace have sandstone benches that you can lie on. They're not very comfortable, and my entire body was already in extreme pain from the beating. I decided to tell the judge that I was just a tourist who wanted to see the restricted Palace, so stole some armor from one of the knights at the hotel. Then when I sneaked in to see it, I just couldn't resist reading someones diary. Maybe he'd buy that and only give me life in prison.
The next morning, I was taken before the aforementioned Judge Larence. He asked for an account, and I gave my tourist cover story. He did not believe me, and said he was going to get permission from Hyrule Castle to have me executed and that I 'would rot in the dungeon until he had it'.
As I was being escorted back to the dungeon, I saw Lasella looking from a distance with tears. "He's in the Castle!" I shouted. "The kid is in the Castle being groomed!"
Lasella's expression shifted as she picked up on what I was saying and she scurried off.
"What kid?" the escorting guard asked.
"Link, the evil one, deceiving people from the truth of Lord Ganon."
"You agent of darkness. You'd better repent before you go to meet the Goddesses."
They threw me back in the dungeon, and I waited for my execution. Two days later, the Commander returned, dragging a Bokoblin. It was Itchy. "Our Hero made quick work of this little hellion's crew, and he found out that a dark-haired Hylian helped the Bokoblins create their explosive weapons. I had a hunch, and you tell me if it's true, Itchy. Is this so-called Joseph Ravencrest actually your friend James? He's fated to die, so there's no need to protect him. We just want to make sure that no more criminals are eluding us."
"James, I'm sorry you got caught up in this." Itchy said. "Link came, and our guns just didn't do enough to him. I hit him, but a fairy revived him. If only we'd used fairies like you said, James! I'm sorry!"
"Itchy." I said. "It's alright. Don't give up yet. We can still prevail."
"How? Squiggles is dead and they locked up Klagnor. I think we're done for, James. As a species, I mean."
My heart sank. I vowed that if I somehow made it out of Hyrulean custody alive, I'd kill Link with my bare hands. Or with enough gunshots to prevent a fairy revival. Whatever it took.
"So you are the James from another world that our Hero uncovered then? The one who made a deal with Twinrova to revive Ganon?"
"I am the very same, Commander Asshole. And one day, the people you've oppressed will rise up as one and drag your corpses through the streets."
"Let them come, dipshit." He clasped the hilt of his sword, implying he's ready for them.
The Commander threw Itchy in the cell next to me, and went away. Itchy and I tried to talk, but there wasn't much to talk about. We were defeated. The forces of Light would prevail, the Bokoblins would be exterminated, the Gerudo would be subjugated into submission, and I would never see my family again. What was there to say? But several hours later, we heard an increasingly loud commition outside.
"Storm the Palace!" a familiar voice said as it boomed through the chaotic uproar. "We will not tolerate the brainwashing of our children anymore!"
"Blind!" I shouted as I placed the voice. An insurrection was happening. "Hey Itchy, we're saved, I think!" And though I was still hurting from my recent assault, on the whole I felt pretty good!
Just as I inadvertantly predicted, Commander Asshole's corpse was dragged through the streets. The Gerudos reclaimed Gerudo Town while I waited it out in jail with a good Bokoblin friend.
Blind, Lasella, and Naresa came to unlock us. "It was a little dicey there, for a bit, James, but once we knew that Zelda was grooming Lucendorf, people got riled up. Really riled up. We didn't even have to arm most of them! The news you supplied was the last straw in a stack of straw that's a thousand feet high."
"Link made me."I told Blind. "He knows I'm from Earth now and that I'm seeking his blood." Itchy and I joined the celebration in the town square. I drank heavily to help ease the pain of my recent wounds.
"Well, he was coming for you anyway after this little revolt you helped kick off. That info just gave him a little extra incentive to kill you." Blind joked in a deadpan manner. "But relax. He's still in Hyrule Field fighting Bokoblins. We prepare for invasion tomorrow, but today, we celebrate the liberation of the Gerudo race!"I almost passed out in an alleyway, but Lasella helped me hobble back to the hotel. Itchy slept in my bed too, which was fine, I guess.