It was the dripping sound that woke him up.
Merlin tried to pry his eyes open. Where was he? His hand touched the cold hard stone floor. A shiver went through his body.
The realization hit him and all colour drained from his face when he saw where he was.
No no no no... This is a dream. Yes, it must be a dream. No... a nightmare. It is just a nightmare... In a moment I will wake up in my bed.
But Merlin knew it was a lie. The throbbing in the back of his head was proof of that. This was all very real.
The first rays of the morning sun were falling through the bars of the small window at the top of his cell. Looking around the prison cell, he saw that he was alone. He couldn't even hear the prison guards.
Merlin tried to sit up, and find some sort of comfortable position, but soon gave up. The shackles around his wrists were attached to the floor and did not allow one to move far. He was only able to sit with his back against the cold wall.
Unable to stand up and peak through the window, Merlin wondered if the pyre was already built, and just waiting for his arrival.
Merlin's breath was picking up at just the thought of it. How much did it hurt? Would he feel the flames as they burned him alive? Or would the smoke choke him, allowing him some sort of relief?
Tears were forming in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.
Why was he here? Couldn't Arthur see he was not the enemy? That he wasn't a monster? He saved Arthur and Gwen with his magic. He stopped the knives and swords before they could pierce their target. Before they could kill them. He even killed the sorcerer who had attacked them, by sending the weapons back towards their caster.
Merlin tried to dislodge the knot in his throat, by coughing quietly. When the sorcerer was dead on the floor, he looked towards his king and queen. But what he found still stands clear in his mind. Arthur stood protectively in front of Gwen, with cold hard eyes looking straight at Merlin. Eyes filled with so much hate.
But he couldn't look away. Arthur had seen his eyes turn gold. There was no denying it. There was no way of hiding it. No tale he could say that would make him believe anything else.
When Merlin looked behind Arthur, he saw Gwen's frightened form with tears streaming down her cheeks. One hand clutching Arthur's arm.
Movement from Arthur had him looking away from Gwen. Arthur's sword was drawn and pointed towards Merlin as he shouted "GUARDS! Arrest the sorcerer!". The last word was said with such venom, that Merlin flinched looking down towards the floor in shame.
Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. His throat hurt. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" was the only thing Merlin was whispering as the guards grabbed him and forced him to his knees. Frightened he looked towards Arthur but met no comfort in his eyes. A sudden pain in the back of his head was the last thing he remembers as the world turned dark.
The shackles rattled as Merlin buried his head in his arms on his knees.
No. This was all too real to be a dream. His nightmares had finally become true. Everything he feared since setting foot in Camelot is coming true.
What had he expected? That one day, Arthur would finally accept him? That they would fight side by side, with magic flowing through his fingers, as Arthur felled his enemies with his sword?
HA! what a sick joke. Kilgarahs and the druid's stories of prophecies, of the once and future king and the strongest warlock who have ever lived uniting Albion and bringing magic back to the land, was just that. Just stories...
And he had believed them...
He was no saviour, no mighty warlock.
He was weak. He was someone who killed from the shadows, killed Arthur's enemies, killed his own kin, people who just wanted to be free. And for what? A story? A fairytale? He was no saviour, he was a monster.
Tears were staining his shirt, as they silently fell. He couldn't stop them. Of course, he couldn't. He was weak.
The sound of boots on the stone floor could be heard. Merlin willed the tears to stop. And luckily they obeyed. But he didn't dare look up from where his head was pressed against his knees.
The footsteps stopped. Merlin could feel his heart beating at an alarming rate. His stomach turned and he could feel bile threatening to be expelled from his mouth.
The person on the other side of the bars sucked in a sharp breath.
"Ohh Merlin... What have they done to you..."
Merlin raised his head from his knees and looked at the old man he considered a father.
"I'm sorry Gaius..." Merlin whispered. Not able to say it any louder, less the tears would fall.
Gaius looked like he had aged 10 years. Bags were dark under his red watery eyes.
Gaius fell to his knees and his hands grabbed the prison bars that were separating the two. Urgency could be heard in his voice and seen in his eyes. "You must escape, Merlin. The king will not see reason. He has locked himself in his chambers, and will not let anyone in."
Merlin felt the little hope he had leave him, though he was surprised he had any left.
"Merlin! you must escape." Gaius whispered harshly once again when Merlin had not responded to his plea.
Merlin looked at his mentor with sadness. "I'm sorry Gaius, I never meant for this to happen. But I can't escape."
Gaius looked at him confused "What? What do you mean you can't escape? Use your magic!"
Merlin felt like a thousand stones were crushing his chest. And could not bear to look at Gaius as he said with a tired hoarse voice: "I don't want to escape". He leaned his head back against the wall and looked at the ceiling. Why should he escape? To what ends? He had wasted 10 years of his life, protecting a man who would never see him as a free man. He had lost EVERYTHING. His first and only love Freya, his father, his best friend Will, and Lancelot the only knight who had ever accepted him his magic and all. And what was it all for? Everyone he had ever let in, everyone he opened up to was killed. He was cursed. A monster.
The world around Merlin was dimming, like it was wrapped in a dark blanket, muffling the words that were trying to reach him. Like it was all a dream.
Gaius looked at his ward horrified, he had never seen him look so defeated. "You must! You don't understand, Merlin." His grip on the bars tightened. "Merlin LOOK AT ME! Arthur has ordered a pyre to be built!".
Even though Gaius could clearly be heard in his cell, Gaius' voice was sounding like it was miles away. Merlin could no longer feel the coldness of the stone floor or the throbbing in his head. Merlin couldn't feel anything. It was almost a relief.
Gaius continued speaking to his ward, but the words fell on deaf ears.
Not long after. Minutes, or maybe hours later, Gaius left Merlin.
Outside the prison cell in the courtyard, a pyre was built attracting people around it. Whispering could be heard about the King's manservant, the sorcerer.