Title: True Belonging
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: It always felt as if the world was grey, haunted, silent with barely enough noise for him to realize that he was awake and present. Except for when she touched him. When she touched him, the world bathed in the brightest colors of sunflowers and green ribbons in raven hair.M for swearing, violence, non-con and later consensual explicit smut
Chapter One: Childhood Part I.
Perhaps one day
We will meet again
As characters in
A different story,
Maybe we'll share
A lifetime, then. - pavana
The first time, he met Hinata Nana, Minamino Shuichi was pretty sure, she would be like the other children on the playground. Too loud. Too annoying. Too smelly. Too troubling. Certainly not someone he would consider despite his mother's pleas and wishes, a friend.
He was four, and he didn't know why the other kids in the playground, kindergarten, or their playdates were like that, but ever since as long as he could remember they just were. His mother always said something like But they were so nice. They wanted to play. They were trying to be friendly.
But Shuichi just couldn't bring himself to agree with her. Something about each and every one of them bothered him. Mostly it was the smell and how loud they were always screaming and her bodies stinking in some kind of a weird way he couldn't explain. Adults smelled like that too. In fact, everyone he met so far smelled like it or similarly with the only exception being his mother, who smelled nice and good like home.
Now, now, Shuichi we don't tell people they smell. It's impolite.
His mother told him the first time he tried to explain why he didn't want to play with some boy and his toy police car. Since she proved to be no help, the boy covered his nose and tried to get away by hiding in the furthest corner from the boy.
After a while, the smell dulled down enough for him to tolerate being close, but he still considered it quite horrible and avoided it and the people who carried it as much as he could. It just wasn't nice. It wasn't his. It wasn't home. As a child, he couldn't explain his feeling beyond those simple words that over and over again proved to be not enough for his mother and others who listen to him.
They don't smell right. They smell different than me and mommy. They're so loud. They're not like me!
No matter how many times he tried to explain it to the doctors, his mother took him to, not one of them seemed to understand him, always sending them to a different smelly doctor or writing some medicine that tasted bitter and made his stomach hurt.
After a while, four-year-old Shuichi just decided it wasn't worth it and stopped telling his mother about the strange smells and loud noises avoiding the children in the playground and everywhere else as often as he could. It was easier that way. It was easier to just leave, avoid everyone and stop talking about the things that annoyed him about other people and children. No one understood him anyway. No one was like him. Not even his mother. Even if more than anything he wished she would be.
Shuichi first noticed the girl on Monday after the weekend. Every day after kindergarten, his mother took him to the playground near their house to play for a bit with the other children even if she knew by then it was pointless. She never lost her good mood and always smiled kindly at him when she told him to give it a try, but sometimes he could tell she was disappointed. The feeling that usually came to him when she got that sad look on her face made him feel upset with himself and her and all those smelly children for the rest of the day. He didn't want his mother to be sad. He wanted to make her proud. He just didn't like to play with other kids when they were so…so different. Not his. Not like him and his mother.
By now most of the time, he made a couple of walks around the playground frowning at anyone who would try to come and play with him before he returned to his mother's bench and told her, he was hungry or thirsty, and they should go home. They always did, and he always felt glad, but also already dreaded the next day they would go there. In the beginning, when he was even smaller than he was now, he did try for his mother to play with the children, but when they reached for him with their smelly hands and loud voices, he felt this rush of something heavy inside his mind. He couldn't explain it any other way, but he knew it was different than the rest of him. It was much more different and harder to explain even more than the difference between him and other children. Sometimes those thoughts or muffled voices inside his head were just there observing always appearing if he ended up in a distress sensing it in a way. However, other times these voices took over and when they did, he felt like he became someone else. Someone who bit other children and adults. Someone who trashed around in their arms until they let him free from their suffocating hugs. Someone who made his mother very disappointed or sad or angry. Someone who sometimes scared him.
Still, he understood a bit why it happened. He didn't like it when other people touched him. Only mother was allowed to do that. Only her touches were nice. Only she smelled like home. Only she smelled like him. Like she was his. Mother was especially upset and disappointed when he gave into those deep voices and misbehaved by her words, and so as often as he could whenever he felt those voices close, he rather ran away before he would cause her more pain. It was better if he was alone then. It was better to keep the voices at bay and not act out and make his mother sad.
The day it happened wasn't the first time he saw the little girl on the playground. In fact, he was pretty sure he saw her black pigtails with green ribbons before but didn't pay much attention to them or her. He couldn't remember if he saw her with other kids or on her own like him, but today she was alone. She was kneeling on the payment away from the others drawing something with a piece of white chalk.
It caught his attention because she seemed to be the only child drawing and so far away from everyone. He saw another little girl with black hair rush over to her and asked her something, but the girl with green ribbons in her hair shook her head and carried on drawing until the other girl angrily stomped so close to her hand, she almost stepped on it and then ran away.
Shuichi didn't know why he stopped walking and watched the girl draw. He liked her ribbons. He liked the color. Girls didn't usually have green ribbons. He saw them with red, or pink, or yellow, but never with green.
Without thinking, he made his way toward the girl before he stooped to her right. She was drawing a flower. The only chalk she had was white, so it was hard to tell which flower she was trying to draw, but by the looks of it he would say it was a-
'Himawari,' he said out loud.
The girl didn't stop drawing nor did she look up at him.
'It should be yellow,' he said as a matter-of-fact momentary wincing as he remembered how his mother told him not to be so blunt with other kids since it always came out rude. He didn't understand why. He was only telling the truth after all.
The girl nodded still drawing, 'My granny only had white chalk.'
He watched as she worked on the curves of the pedals. They weren't perfect. Every single one of them was drawn in a slightly different shape or size.
'I like sunflowers,' she said suddenly with a small smile even if she still didn't look at him, 'They always look happy under the sun.'
Shuichi pictured sunflowers growing toward the sky all yellow and bright before they opened their mouths and revealed their sharped teeth.
Dangerous.
Deadly.
That wasn't right. Sometimes his thoughts wandered and got mixed with those heavy ones, he tried to escape from.
'Maybe you should make momo instead,' he spoke again if only just to think about something else, 'Those are white.'
The girl stopped drawing, and Shuichi realized the picture was finished anyway. It probably didn't matter now. He should leave and tell his mother they should go home because he was hungry again or something-
'We could do that,' said the girl with green ribbons suddenly, and broke her chalk in half.
When she looked up at him, he was met with warm brown eyes and an even warmer smile that seemed to be just as bright as that sunflower she tried to draw, 'Do you want to help me? We could make a whole garden.'
His hand took the piece of chalk.
A whole garden
His mother had a garden in their backyard. It was small but nice. Shuichi liked to spend his time there and play. It smelled fresh and right. It wasn't stuffy and containing. He liked to help his mother water the plants and watch her work in the dirt. He wanted to help her there as well but so far, she wouldn't let him. Maybe he could draw a garden to prove he would be careful. He liked the plants. He wouldn't do anything to damage them. He knew he would be able to take care of them.
Shuichi glanced at the little girl, but her head was already down ignoring him and trying to draw a momo flower. It looked better than the sunflower because it was supposed to be white with maybe a bit red or pink lines inside the pedals.
The girl didn't pay attention to him. She didn't try to shout the way other kids did when they were playing. She didn't try to get closer to him. She just drew her flower.
He kneeled down as well, but far enough that the smell wouldn't bother him, and started to draw. They talked about flowers in kindergarten, and he wasn't sure if he knew how they looked from there or those heavy thoughts he tried to cut out, but his hand easily worked around the curves of the flower. His mother and the sensei in kindergarten always told him his pictures were pretty. Most of the things he did were deeply praised by everyone even himself. He was proud of them.
They worked for a while until he made five flowers and the girl two. It wasn't bad. They were mostly quiet, but it was nice. The good kind of quiet not like when he bit a boy who tried to take his toy from him and was forced to stand in the corner for the next hour by his sensei.
The sun got low and before Shuichi knew it, his mother was calling his name.
The girl stood up too looking at the concrete and their small garden that had only eight flowers so far, 'Tomorrow, I can bring other colors.'
Her warm eyes looked his way, her smile still there, 'We can make other flowers too.'
He liked the idea. It would look better if they made other flowers with more colors, 'Alright.'
The girl picked up the small piece of white chalk, and Shuichi returned what he had left of his trying to brush the white powder out of his hands and uniform before his mother would see it.
'What's your name?' he asked her. If he was making a garden with her and using her chalk, he might as well know her name. His mother always tried to teach him to be polite. He knew he should try harder so he would make her proud and happy even if more often than not it was a nuisance.
The girl put the chalk into the pocket of her brow vest before she said loud and clear the way children tended to when they were introducing themselves, 'Hinata Nana.' Her voice then dropped a bit, so it sounded less rehearsed when she asked him looking curious, 'And you? What's your name?'
'Minamino Shuichi,' he said and with the feeling of the same strange uneasiness, he usually did whenever he introduced himself like that. He ran away to his mother without a goodbye to the girl with green ribbons wondering if she would really want to draw with him the next day too.
Sometimes people said some things they didn't mean. His mother told him it was because they didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She was referring to when other parents told her they should do this again sometimes after a playdate. Usually, after they were rushing home because he shoved or bite some of the children who were being too annoying and demanding and tried to corner him. Even though his mother always tried to make it seem like they did mean it, he more often than not could tell when they didn't mean it. He wasn't sure how exactly, but often those heavy thoughts that made him uneasy at times lightly tapped against the back of his mind signaling that the person speaking was not sincere. Throughout their whole conversation, Shuichi didn't sense anything like that from Nana though, and a part of him hoped that it would mean she wouldn't mind drawing with him tomorrow too.
The next day, Nana, the girl with green ribbons around her ponytails was waiting for him with a box of chalk with six different colors. It was new. When she opened it, it was the first time, and Shuichi was left surprised.
Her granny had to go and buy it for her, she explained to him as she handed him the red color. He thought about it last night and decided to draw a few roses today. The news about the box wasn't something he expected. His mother often bought him whatever he asked for too if it was important, but the girl brought something of hers, something new, here, to share it with him. It was a bit foreign to him, but he couldn't think or dwell on it more as they started to work occasionally sharing thoughts and ideas about what would they make next. There was more talking than the day before, but once again Nana wasn't as loud as the other kids, and her questions and comments weren't annoying as he would imagine they would be if she was some of those other children he had to play with before. It was still nice, and Shuichi decided, he wouldn't mind doing it tomorrow too as he returned the chalk to her at the end of the day, 'Do you think we can draw the garden all the way to the end?' she asked pointing at the pilar by the gate.
He thought about. He wasn't sure they would have enough chalk, but he nodded anyway, 'We can try.'
The girl offered him another one of her bright sunflower smiles before she waved her goodbye running off first, this time. It was a good day, and he told as much his mother when she asked what he did because she didn't really see him.
'I was drawing flowers with Nana-chan,' he admitted dusting the colorful powder out of his hands as they walked home feeling for the first time excited that tomorrow they could continue and make their garden even bigger.
'Oh, is she a friend?' she asked hopefully. It caused him to wonder.
He didn't know honestly. But he supposed he played with her two times, so she had to be. For some reason, however, Shuichi decided he didn't want to answer and started to run home stopping only at the end of the street to wait for his mother's hand before they would cross like she taught him to.
Hinata Nana wasn't expecting anyone to want to draw with her that day. In fact, she wasn't expecting anyone to want to draw with her at all. But mostly, she wasn't expecting to be in her granny's house again after last time.
She didn't remember when exactly it happened. But she was wearing her winter coat, so it was probably winter, her granny and her mommy were in the kitchen while she was told to stay outside and play. They were being loud. Sometimes they were shouting at each other, and if Nana was living with granny again covered her ears and pretended to be asleep or went outside to play so she wouldn't hear the mean things they told one another.
She was alone outside building a small snowman when her mommy rushed out and told her to come along. She wanted to say goodbye to her granny like she always did, but since her mommy was in a hurry.
Nana ran after her telling herself that she wouldn't be long like always. Whenever they went to live somewhere else, away from granny, it was never for too long. Sometimes weeks, sometimes months, and sometimes only a few days. Nana was used to it, as she thought many people lived like that. She didn't really mind since she liked seeing new playgrounds and the kids close to their homes, but sometimes she missed granny more.
After they left granny's street, they came to another oji-san's house where she had to play quietly or not at all, and go to bed while the sun was still up. She and her mommy spent a lot of time in the apartment only rarely going outside. It was always too cold her mommy said or too hot or just too late. She didn't have any of the toys she had at their old homes or at granny's house, so she made some from old cigarette boxes before oji-san threw them away.
She didn't like the tall man who seemed always grumpy telling her to go to her room that was small and dark without any window. Her mommy and the little girl lived with many different uncles before, but so far, this one was the worst in Nana's opinion.
She didn't see her granny for what felt like forever which made her sad. She missed her especially when she was alone in her small room supposed to be asleep, but not tired at all.
It wasn't until her mommy didn't wake her up one day while it was still dark and told her they would go on a trip.
Once they were in the familiar neighborhood that Nana recognized, she ran toward the house eagerly before her mommy stopped her. The woman with dark hair and dark brown eyes just as hers and her granny's, kneeled to her level, 'Mommy isn't going to go inside. You will knock on the door and wait for granny to come out and tell her I was busy, okay?'
Her mommy kissed her forehead and quickly rushed away not looking back as Nana tried to wave. When she was out of her sight, she rushed to the door and knocked before jumping at her granny's legs and parroting her mommy's words to the older woman.
She got to eat her granny's breakfast that she missed the most in uncle's place and tell her all she did while she was away.
'Nana-chan,' said her granny, 'Promise me something. If your mother ever comes to take you or anyone else, don't leave without a goodbye,' said her granny with a sad smile that made Nana feel guilty about leaving without a goodbye before. She promised she would make sure she did it every time she would be leaving, and that seemed to make her granny somewhat happier for a while. It wasn't strange. Her mommy sometimes left for weeks or days and let her stay with her granny and sometimes she took her away and they didn't see granny for a while. Nana didn't think it was strange because they lived like that for as long as she could remember. At some point, she figured everyone's mommies and grannies did that.
Things were different in granny's house than they were elsewhere. Nana was allowed to play outside, play with her toys and granny allowed her to stay until the sky was dark and watch the beginning of her favorite TV show on the small TV in the living room while she explained everything Nana missed after she went to bed.
After about two weeks of living with granny again, the older woman brought her a sweater and told her she could go play in the playground just outside their house alone.
She was thrilled since she saw more and more kids behind the fence playing on the swings every day the warmer it got. She used to play with a lot of kids back at the houses of the uncles they stayed with. She couldn't wait to play with new kids here.
She made sure to wait before she crossed the road and waved at granny as the older woman watched her from the kitchen window entering the playground. There were a few kids there already playing hide and seek.
Nana quickly introduced themselves and they asked her to join afterward, a little girl with dark hair asked her where did she live, 'Right now over there in that house with my granny.'
The girl, Saya, frowned, 'Not true. That house is old and scary a majo lives there.'
Nana frowned confused why would they call her granny that, 'Don't be stupid. My granny isn't a witch.'
'It's true!' screamed the girl, 'Oni-san told me, and he knows everything. Your granny is a witch and so you must be one too!' she said and showed Nana her red tongue before she ran away with a laugh some of the kids following her.
'She's not a witch!' screamed Nana frustrated that they would think that. Why? Because she was old? Weren't all grandmothers old?
'If she's not a witch why is her house so old and why does she live alone?' asked another boy, but when Nana didn't answer he just ran away.
She didn't understand it. Was her granny living in an old house? She didn't think it was that old. It was warmer and brighter than some of the other places she lived in. Her granny always made her breakfast, lunch, and dinner and allowed her to play with her toys and sleep in a bedroom with windows. In her opinion, her granny's house was the best.
Not really feeling like playing anymore she returned home trying to smile and say that it was nice to play with other kids, but also hoping she wouldn't have the next day. Sometimes she thought about telling her granny that these kids weren't nice like the other kids she played with, but then she hesitated as she would have to repeat the words they said about her granny.
The next day, the kids didn't even allow her to play one game with them again telling her that her granny was a witch, her house was old, and Nana's clothes were old too. She didn't think they were old. She didn't have any clothes when she came to live with granny again, so the older woman found her some in one of the boxes that belonged to her mommy. Maybe they were old, but they were new to her so didn't that make them new?
On the third day, she asked granny for some chalk before heading to the playground avoiding those mean kids who were so mean to her and her granny. One of the girls, Saya, who called her granny a witch came to tell Nana that if she admitted she was, they would allow her to play with them again, but she shook her head.
Saya got mad the way mommy sometimes did, and Nana slowly stopped drawing half-expecting to feel the familiar sharp pain against her face, but instead, the little girl only stomped on her sunflower before she ran away.
With a sigh of relief, she returned to her drawing glad she was left alone. She didn't really like those kids. They were mean. They weren't like the other kids at the other playgrounds. Nana wished she was somewhere else playing with those other kids.
The red-haired boy came out of nowhere. Yesterday, she noticed him walking around like he was counting his steps the way she sometimes did in the small room without windows, but she wasn't sure he was doing that. He wasn't one of those kids who called her granny a witch and said their house and clothes were old, so she didn't know if he would be nice or mean to her yet.
He didn't seem like he was interested in playing with other kids the way she was those first two days before she found out how mean they were, but he did seem to be interested in her drawing. Unlike the other kids, he didn't ask her any questions except for those about the flowers.
Something about the fact that he was so calm and curious without being pushy made Nana instantly take a liking to him. She didn't ask, but she wondered if he was lonely too because the other kids were unpleasant to him too. Maybe if he was, they could play together and be nice to each other instead.
She broke the chalk that took her granny so long to find in half and gave him the other piece, 'Do you want to help me? We could make a whole garden.'
The red-haired boy took it and started to draw far away from her that it would almost seem like he wasn't drawing something with her at all. It was a bit embarrassing, but his flowers looked better and more like the actual thing than hers did. She tried to chase any jealous thoughts away and see the bright side of it that at least their garden would be a pretty one.
Only once they were done and Shuichi asked her for her name did she realize she hadn't introduced herself which her granny would think was rude and that maybe he wanted to be friends too.
Her granny bought her a box with different colored chalk that Nana immediately took to the playground the next day. She asked her about it the same day she met Shuichi. Her granny seems to think for a bit before she agreed she would. The next day they went to the supermarket, and she let her pick up any box she wanted. There was one that had even more colors, but before Nana could ask about it, she recalled how her mommy was always upset whenever she asked anything from the uncles and picked the smaller box instead. She was still pretty excited about it.
Shuichi was already there waiting for her not looking like he was interested in playing with the other kids at all.
He asked for the red color as he wanted to draw some roses that turned out rather beautiful in Nana's opinion. They drew closer than before today occasionally talking not just about flowers anymore but also about their favorite animals and what they had for breakfast and lunch.
'Were they mean to you too?' Nana dared to ask quietly on the third day of them drawing together now openly talking when they were working on a flower close enough to each other so they didn't have to shout across the whole playground.
Shuichi frowned a bit at the question for a moment not looking at her but still keeping his eyes on his drawing, 'Who?'
'The other kids?' she asked almost whispering as if just saying it out loud would cause a problem. Her mommy was always upset if she talked about bad things like that someone was being mean, or she was scared, or her food was cold. So, Nana tried to only talk about good things instead if she could. She didn't know if Shuichi was following the same rule and if that was the case, she didn't want to make him upset.
The red-haired boy stopped drawing and started playing with the chalk between his fingers the way Nana usually saw only adults do.
When he stopped, he admitted but only just as quietly as she did, 'No, they were just too loud and smelly.'
The answer surprised her. Some kids liked to shout which was not always nice, so Shuichi probably didn't like loud noises. Sometimes especially younger kids peed themselves and although her granny told her it was normal Nana knew the smell was disgusting so maybe her friend meant that.
She glanced at her clothes recalling what Saya and the others made fun of her for before she asked just as quietly, 'Am I like that too?'
Shuichi looked over at her. His eyes were green like the forest but not as warm like he was either uninterested or unhappy to be there. However, when they fell on her today, for a second they warmed up as if someone shone sunlight directly at forest green trees during a nice summer day. It made him look nicer than he usually did, 'You're not. You're not loud. You're not annoying. You smell, but everyone except my mommy smells.'
The last part wasn't that good, but Nana tried to think about the good things and offered Shuichi a big smile so he wouldn't think he made her upset, 'I think you're not loud and annoying too.'
She leaned forward and tried to smell him a bit, but she didn't really catch any smells, so the raven-haired girl just shrugged her shoulders and carried on satisfied enough with the answer she got.
Ever since that day came to draw with her every day since they started so Nana was glad she had met Shuichi and that he wanted to be friends with her.
It was going to rain tonight so whatever they would make would be ruined by tomorrow, and they would have to start all over.
'It's going to rain today,' Shuichi pointed out while finishing on his, this time, yellow sunflower. They would be done in a bit. They managed to cover the whole payment. It was easy to make out the places they started by how much less visible their chalk flowers were. He wasn't expecting them to reach the end of the pavement, but Nana brought another box full of new chalk the other day, so they had enough to spare. It bothered him more and yet at the same time not as much. It was strange for him that she gave up her two boxes of chalk to share with him, but he still couldn't help but feel somewhat happy about it too. She shared something of hers with him. Those heavy thoughts he always tried to tone down made it seem like it was important for some reason. Shuichi just thought it meant Nana liked to spend her days with him as much as he did with her.
Nana stopped what she was doing and glanced at the sky. It was clear, so she titled her head to the side the way she sometimes did when she didn't understand something or found it surprising and strange at the same time.
'Will it?' she asked puzzled yet focused as she must have been thinking about it. Shuichi noticed that her voice was becoming less quiet than it had been those first few days, but to his own surprised realized he didn't mind it. It was still quieter than the voices of some other of the children running around them.
'Yes,' he said half-expecting her to ask him how did he know the way his mother or teachers in the kindergarten did when he said something like that. It was annoying. He just knew! Sometimes the voice in the back of his mind told him with a certain feeling, or the air smelled differently, or he just knew. Why did they always doubt him? Treated him like a child? Like a fool? It more often than not made him feel so frustrated-
But Nana was just Nana, and she never seemed to want to question him the way others did simply accepting his word for it.
The little girl just shrugged her shoulders and continued in that comfortable silence he liked so much about spending time with her.
When they were done, they left the chalks on the ground and walked to one another before walking around their garden pointing at one flower or the other and commenting what they liked about it. It turned out rather nicely and made Shuichi feel proud about their work. He was glad he decided to help her draw it.
A part of Shuichi felt strangely sad about it. It took them a couple of days. It was fun in a way that Shuichi didn't think it would be. It was nice to spent time with Nana. She wasn't like the others. Even if she smelled, she wasn't loud and annoying. She was easy to be around with. She didn't ask stupid questions or talk about things she didn't know. She was better to play with than the other kids he knew so far. She asked him before if the kids were mean to him too. It left him confused. Why would anyone be mean to Nana? She was the best as far as he could tell. He was hesitant about telling her why he didn't play with others. He expected her to act the way the doctors and everyone else did when he told them, but Nana just asked if he thought she was like them too and tried to smell him. She didn't seem to catch whatever he could smell all the time, but still, at least she tried.
Nana always tried.
As they were now done, it left him wondering.
Would they stop spending time now?
They finished the garden. She asked him on that first day if he wanted to help her make a garden, and he did. It would make sense that they finished their task just as he did in kindergarten and could now move on. She would probably like to play with someone else now. She could play with anyone she wanted. She could do anything she wanted really.
He felt upset with that idea although he wasn't sure why. She could play with whoever she wanted. She wasn't…she wasn't…he wasn't sure what she wasn't, and it only made him more upset. It made him almost as upset as he usually was right before he bit or shoved the other kids away from him because they smelled bad and were being too annoying and loud and-
'It's a good thing it will be raining tomorrow,' said Nana all of the sudden before turning to face him with her big bright smile that reminded him of sunflowers, 'That way we can start again tomorrow. I got a lot better with drawing the leaves by the end…,' she suddenly stopped her smile falling a bit and her face going to a softer look different to the joyful one she usually had. It wasn't bad. In general, Nana had a nice face, in Shuichi's opinion. He didn't see her cry or pout or do anything which would twist it into a nasty look he saw on some of the other girls so far. All Nana ever did around him was wear a calm focused face or bright or some less bright smile. All her smiles were nice too, so it made sense she had a nice-looking face.
He cut his train of thoughts over her face he heard her voice speak again.
'Would you like to help me tomorrow too?' she asked and raised her hand the same way she did that first day when she handed him the chalk except this time her hand was empty waiting for him to take it or slap it away the way kids usually did when they didn't want to touch someone.
He took her hand before he could even properly think about it and nodded to himself and her as if it was a promise.
Nana's hand was warm and cold not at all sweaty like Katsuki's hand who he had to take whenever they were going somewhere outside from kindergarten or during safety tests. He wasn't sure why Nana wanted to take his hand, but when she shook it as adults do, he wasn't all that surprised and chuckled loudly for what felt like the first time ever.
Her brown eyes seemed to grow a bit wider when he did that before a spark of something small flashed through them. Shuichi tried to catch it, but when Nana blinked it was gone, and they were the same old brown eyes he was so familiar with.
His mother called him over with a bright smile, so he waved at the girl and quickly hurried to her.
'We need to go home sooner today so I can finish dinner,' explained his mother kindly before she looked behind him probably at the garden, 'Did you have fun today with your friend?'
He thought about it for a moment and decided to say yes because his mother always said the kids and people who spent time together, but weren't a family were friends, and it was fun to draw with Nana, she was his friend now.
He led his mother to take a look at their garden. He wouldn't mind introducing Nana to her as she asked about her often now, but the girl must have already left as well.
A part of him was glad, he noticed before that Nana liked to play alone or with him, just as he only played with her, so he was sure he wouldn't like if he saw her playing with anyone else.
The next day was Saturday, and it was raining so they couldn't go to the playground.
Usually, he didn't mind, but today he felt slightly annoyed by this. It shouldn't really matter, and when his mother asked him if he was sad that he wouldn't play with Nana today, he denied it, but it was true he felt upset wondering if they would be able to play Sunday or Monday. The clouds were big and dark, and Shuichi just knew it would continue to rain for a few days like he sometimes just knew things. This caused the heavy thoughts in his mind to be especially persistent today the way they sometimes got when he was annoyed. He didn't like them that way. They bothered him when they got like that. He hoped they would let him be soon.
When the doorbell rang, he was confused. Most of their visitors were mother's friends from her work, and they only came on Sundays. Mother always made a point of telling him a few days before.
Curiously, he walked to the door barely catching the side of someone small in a yellow raincoat over his mother's frame in the doorway talking to whoever came for visit.
'Konnichiwa, obasan,' called a cheerful voice, 'Can Shuichi-kun come to play for a bit?'
He was shocked for a second before he rushed to the door stepping from his mother's side toward the girl.
Nana was standing there careless with a smile on her face in a yellow raincoat under the rain. She didn't look concerned over it too much just standing them seemingly glad, she could see him.
'Yaa-! Shuichi-kun, want to come and play?' she asked when she spotted him her brown eyes shifting to his, 'Granny said there will be a lot of frogs around the ponds since it's raining. Do you want to go look for them?'
In that very moment looking at her happy face, he was pretty sure he felt all his worries melt away thinking he was really silly to think Nana would forget him so easily or wouldn't like to play with him anymore. In fact, he was pretty sure he felt a strange tingling inside him knowing that he got to see her even on a day he was sure he wouldn't be able to.
'Absolute not,' said his mother suddenly cutting the warm feeling inside him short.
'Okasan?' he asked confused, but his mother's face revealed a smile, 'It's raining too hard. How about you stay here for a while until it calms down and then you can go look for frogs, alright?'
He quickly nodded, happy it wasn't the end of his day with Nana, and took her hand leading her inside, 'Come in, Nana-chan, I will show you my room and toys.'
It was different.
His mother always told him he should bring over friends and showed them his toys or show them to the kids who came along with his mother's friends from work, but Shuichi always hated the idea, imagining how their sticky smelly hands would ruin his things if they touched them like that. However, the idea that Nana would be the one to do so wasn't so horrible. It wasn't horrible at all since he felt somehow thrilled with a new idea of showing them all to her. Would she like them? Would she be impressed? She would have to be!
'Wait, the shoes and the raincoat, Nana-chan,' called his mother quickly stopping them. He felt almost ashamed for being so eager about it, but his friend quickly got rid of both handing them over to his mother before taking his hand again.
In his room, he pulled out every single toy he could find proudly showing them to his new friend before they started to play. He was never much interested in playing with other kids who came into the house, but Nana wasn't like them. She listened and didn't scream loudly in a childlike way.
'Nana-chan, aren't you cold from the rain?' asked his mother when she came to bring them some tea.
The little girl shrugged her shoulder as his mother walked to his closet and brought out one of his sweaters. It was green with red dots, and he remembered he wore it just a few days ago. Today, Nana's hair didn't have the green ribbons it had when she came to the playground, but it still looked the same with her black ponytails bouncing on her head whenever she jumped a bit.
His mother gave it to Nana and told her to put it on before she paused and looked at him with a strange look on her face, 'Will it be alright if Nana wears this while she's here?'
A small part of him knew why she was asking and had enough mind to feel ashamed knowing the tantrums he threw whenever some of the other kids tried to take something that was his even if for a while. He didn't like sharing things, and his mother knew that better than anyone.
Still, Nana wasn't like the others as she proved so many times since he met her, so he nodded and allowed the girl to put the sweater over her head and return to her spot on the carpet taking one of his toys with a calm look on her face oblivious to the exchange between him and his mother.
His mother watched him for a moment before she gave him a bit smile one that told him he did something right, and she was especially proud of him. She was rarely disappointed at him, but he did notice there were times she looked like she was sad that he acted a certain way. She rarely told him anything but from time to time he did sense that she would be happier if he had friends and played better with other children.
She would be happier if he was like the others.
He didn't enjoy making her sad. If he was completely honest with himself he hated it. The fact that now she looked pleased with him made him feel warm inside.
She didn't stay long and let them play for what felt like a while but was actually pretty late since the rainy day was turning into a rainy evening.
In the end, his mother came with his raincoat and her umbrella and suggested that they walked Nana home.
When Nana pulled the sweater away, it smelled like her, but still carried some of his own scents so in overall it wasn't as bad as it was before.
On their way to Nana's grandma's house, he noticed she smelled a bit more like him because of the sweater she wore. He made sure to press as close to her as possible to get her to smell nicely like him and his mother even more.
She laughed and tried to push him away for a bit and then ran making him catch her which ended in both of them being wet and laughing.
Nana's grandma wasn't as old as his obasan that lived in his mother's old hometown far away by the train. She had grey rather than white hair, and she was kind of small and round where his was really tall. She smiled at him almost as warmly as Nana did, and told him he could come by tomorrow to play in Nana's room if he would like to.
His mother agreed and talked with the woman a bit while Nana went around the house to show him her cat, 'This is Fuku. Granny found him stuck by the sewer and saved him, so I thought he was pretty lucky in his…mis-fortune,' she cut the word blushing for not being able to say it clearly on the first try. He didn't make fun of her for it or correct her since she did it herself a second later.
Shuichi nodded and the black cat with a white-collar under her chin allowed him to pat her while it was hiding under the roof away from the rain.
When his mother called him over, it felt all too soon to leave Nana and based on the wave with no smile she thought so too.
'You will see her tomorrow, Shuichi-kun,' said his mother stroking the back of his head which wasn't covered by his raincoat hat as they walked back home.
'And the day after that?' he asked feeling that just like today seeing Nana for a day wouldn't be enough.
His mother's laughter was genuine and the happiest he heard in a while which made him think that Nana's presence must have made his mother happy as well, 'And the day after that and the day after that for as long as you will like.'
The thought almost with how happy his mother looked made Shuichi smile too and feel warm and satisfied somewhere inside his chest. On halfway away from Nana's house he raised his head and allowed the rain to fall down on his face despite his mother asking him not to do that.
As strange as it seemed even the rain felt warm that day.
Nana was a bit nervous about Shuichi coming over to her granny's house. She liked spending time with him. She didn't have a friend in a long time. Shuichi was nice and cool. He had many amazing new toys and his house was bright and new looking. Even the sweater his mommy gave her to wear yesterday was newer looking than her clothes. It made Nana feel embarrassed a bit. Would Shuichi also say her clothes were old and smelly? Would he get annoyed and rude the way the other kids did?
'The other kids were mean,' the brunette confessed the next day during breakfast as she hid behind her mug, 'They said the house and my clothes are old.'
Her granny stopped cleaning the dishes and kneeled down in front of the table, 'Did Shuichi-kun said those things too?'
She quickly shook her head, and her granny smiled, 'Not everyone cares about such things. If Shuichi-kun is a good friend, he won't care. He will want to be your friend no matter what.'
Nana smiled at her and finished her breakfast feeling better. Shuichi wasn't like the other kids. He was her friend, and she was sure he wouldn't mind that her toys, clothes, and house were older than his.
He came earlier than she did to his house because it was Sunday, and he didn't have kindergarten. His mommy was pretty and nice. She smiled at Nana and gave her and Shuichi some Taiyaki in a bento box to eat while they played.
Nana took Shuichi to his room. Her toys weren't as fancy, but Shuichi didn't seem to care. He played with Nana regardless of that laughing and jumping around just as enthusiastically as they did over at his house. He seemed to like her bed a lot as he laid down on it a couple of times rubbing his back against the sheets and his head against her pillow.
'What are you doing?' she laughed thinking he looked like a dog or Fuku or some other animal when he did that.
'It will make you smell more like me and my mommy. It will be better, trust me,' he said with a small pout that she was laughing at him, but quickly started to laugh too when she went over to jump on the bed. He did the same for a while until they heard her granny's voice from the downstairs reminding them that a bed wasn't a trampoline.
They stopped bouncing and looked over at each other. Shuichi's hair was a mess because of him laying in her bed and hers was too because of all the jumping. One glance and they started to laugh even harder than before pointing at each other.
The end of the day came all too soon and once again Shuichi and Nana promised each other to meet again and play already looking forward to it.
As granny brushed her hair before bedtime, Nana realized that Shuichi didn't mention anything about old things not once, and fell asleep with a satisfied smile on her face.
'This one's pretty,' said Nana eyeing his bluebird toy in his room on the third day of the seemingly never-ending rainstorm.
Shuichi glanced from his Son Goku where he was playing with him on the ground. His mother had bought him just yesterday because it was his birthday. It had immediately become his prized possession and favorite toy since he eyed it in the store all day.
'I forgot about that one,' he commented looking at the bluebird. It was an older toy; one he wasn't sure where he got it from. Sometimes his grandparents sent him toys and clothes in boxes other times someone came for visit and brought him something. The bluebird must have been his for a long time since he usually remembered where all his toys came from.
'Hey, can I take it home with me for the night?' asked Nana suddenly looking at the bluebird with very a focused and fascinated look on her face, 'I want to show it to granny and Fuku-kun.'
Shuichi lowered his new toy to the ground frowning at the little bird in Nana's hands. It happened before. Mother's friends who came with other kids asked if they could play with certain toys. He never wanted to, but sometimes his mother told him to let them with a firm look he knew he couldn't argue with even if he wanted to. She didn't understand it. His toys were special. They were different than clothes or books or even foods. His toys were his possessions. They were his and his only. His mother or grandparents might have brought or bought them, but he was the one who owed them. He liked his toys. He wanted to have as many as possible, and he wanted to keep them to himself. They didn't belong to anyone else. They were his. He allowed Nana to play with them because Nana's hands were soft and not sweaty and the more, she played with them the more she didn't smell so different than him and his mother. After she left, he always took the time to take each of his toys and make sure they would smell like him again.
He knew Nana was different than the others. He liked playing with her. He didn't mind her in his room or house or playing with his toys, but she wasn't-she just wasn't…
It always frustrated him when he couldn't explain what he was feeling. It made him upset, and it sometimes resolved with him acting out. He didn't want to. But he couldn't help it. There were always these feelings inside him that took over. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he just couldn't help, but want his things to stay his even if he knew it was just Nana and not someone he didn't know or hated or who had sweaty hands which would make his toys soak in the smell that meant someone else had them. But how could he say it? How could he explain it? Whenever he tried, his mother was upset, and doctors asked him a question or send him to another doctor, or gave him some medicine. No one understood it.
No one.
It was so frustrating.
Shuichi didn't really how tightly he squeezed the toy until he felt Nana's hand over his, 'It's okay. You don't have to. It's your bird after all.'
She took his free hand and put the blue toy inside it before she gave him a worried look. The first one he ever saw across her face. The first expression that wasn't casual, carefree, or happy.
'Don't be upset, please. I understand. It's okay. I promise,' she told him and once again a small smile appeared over her lips.
He looked at the bluebird feeling a sudden shame roll down his shoulders and back like cold water. It wasn't very nice. It wasn't okay and Nana didn't understand. If it was up to Nana, she would just give him the toy because she was good with sharing things, and even if they were her things, she didn't feel so strongly about them the way he did, 'I'm sorry.'
His eyes glanced up at her, and he realized her smile grew, 'It's alright. You let someone borrow it once and forgot about it, right? Granny once allowed her neighbor to borrow her bucket, and he never gave it back, so now she doesn't allow anyone to borrow it. Well, she doesn't have it anymore, but she has a new one, and she doesn't allow anyone else to take that one.'
It caused Shuichi to blink forgetting a bit about his embarrassment, 'I don't remember anything like that.'
Nana's smile widened, 'Maybe you were too little to remember completely but still know?' she asked and continued, 'Like granny said a nasty dog once bit me and now I'm scared of big dogs even if I don't remember it much.'
It could be true. Sometimes his memories were heavy. He wasn't sure why, and whenever he felt a heavy memory try to show itself inside his mind, he quickly chased it away. They were confusing and heavy, and he didn't like to think about them. Maybe somewhere in that pond of those heavy memories was the reason why he never liked to share what was his.
He looked at Nana again. She didn't look upset or angry. She never did whenever he did something strange. Other kids and adults were confused and sometimes mad at him, even his mother was sometimes sad about the things he did even if she never shouted at him the way his teachers in the kindergarten did.
Nana was just Nana. Always good, caring, and funny. She liked to play with him regardless of how strangely he acted. She was just his friend. He liked having a friend like her. He wanted them to be friends forever, and he hoped she wanted the same thing.
'You can take it with you for the night,' he said and handed the bluebird to her, 'Just bring it back tomorrow.'
She gave him a surprised look opening her mouth and shaping it into a small o before she gave him another one of her smiles, 'Alright, I promise I will keep it safe,' she told him pushing her hand into a fist to show her determination while he handed the toy over to her.
She took it and carefully placed it into her lap. She looked kind of funny acting all serious like that, but he did appreciate that she did. He wanted his toy back, but he also didn't want to make a big deal over it and felt that he could trust Nana with it. She was his friend, and she was always good to him and his mother. She always came over to play and she was never irritating or loud. She smelled a bit better when she put on his clothes, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
They played some more until it was time for Nana to go home. As usual, they walked her home and greeted her granny while the older woman waved at them from the window.
The next day, Nana with a wide smile brought the toy back unharmed, 'See? I took care of it. Sometimes it's not so horrible to share if it's with a friend.'
Shuichi wasn't sure that would become a rule, but maybe it could be when it came to her.
Just to her.
'Keep it,' he told her noting the surprised look behind her brown eyes, 'It's a gift.'
She looked down at the toy still surprised before she bit her lip. Her cheeks went all red, and she smiled at him revealing all of her teeth, 'Thank you, Shuichi-kun, I promise I will cherish it forever.'
He chuckled at her, and then they played as if nothing happened until it was time for her to leave once again with his now her bluebird in sticking from the pocket of her yellow raincoat as they walked her to her granny's house.
It went like this for a couple of weeks. Everyday Shuichi and Nana played together either in each other's houses, the playground, or behind their houses. The weather was becoming warmer and sunnier, and they were wearing fewer and fewer layers which meant Shuichi stopped giving Nana his clothes but started to tickle and rub their shoulders together. She didn't mind. She figured it was just one of those things Shuichi did the way her mommy hadn't shown up yet, or granny hadn't mentioned her anymore, or she wished her bluebird she got from Shuichi goodnight every day before bed.
'No, stop it!' she laughed as she sometimes tried to get away from his touches so he would chase her. It was more fun that way.
When her granny said she would start kindergarten with Shuichi, Nana was thrilled. It meant she would spend even more time with him and would be able to play with him just as long as they did during Sundays.
After her granny bought her nice light blue uniform, yellow hat, and red shoes like Shuichi's, her excitement was over the roof. She never had a kindergarten uniform before. She begged her granny to allow her to try it on several times before her first day until the old woman finally told her to stop and go to bed.
Shuichi's mother, who she now called Shiori-san, walked them to the building and told them both to behave before giving Shuichi a kiss on the forehead and Nana a small hug. She liked the woman and when she caught the faint smell of her parfum, she thought she understood what Shuichi meant about only her smelling nice.
There were a lot of kids and rules in their class, but luckily Shuichi always whispered to her what to do whenever their sensei announced a new activity and sat with her during all the meals. The only bad thing was that apart from Shuichi some of the other kids were those who made fun of her on the playground.
When one of the boys came to her and Shuichi's table, she half expected him to say something about her granny being a witch before he said, 'You shouldn't play with Shuichi-kun. He's mean. He bit me once.'
He then rolled up his sleeve to show his hand, but Nana didn't see anything so maybe it happened a while ago.
Shuichi stopped playing with the clay the teacher handed him and frowned at the table not really saying anything to the boy.
Nana could tell he was upset, and sometimes when she was upset, she didn't know what to say either. However, the fact that the boy came and told her not to play with him made her upset too.
'You're mean!' she said loudly, 'Shuichi-kun is my friend and he's nice to me. You…you're a jerk, and you deserved to get bitten!'
She then turned away from him. She knew the word was something her mommy sometimes used and even if she didn't know the meaning, she knew she wasn't supposed to use it since it was a grownup word.
Even if she was told she needed to apologize, Nana didn't do it.
When she looked at the red-haired boy who was her friend, his smile was amused and proud, and she knew she made the right decision to tell that boy off.
Shortly after Nana started to come over almost every day, she started the same kindergarten as him which meant they spent even more time together adding to Shuichi's good mood and happy childhood days. Walking side by side the building in the morning, spending every waking moment playing or doing any of the activities their teachers prepared, and in the evening, walking home made the two inseparable.
If it was a nice sunny day, they played around on the playground, near the pond, the woods or around Nana's house. If it was rainy and gloomy, they stuck to his or Nana's room eating whatever his mother or Nana's grandma prepared for them. In a way, being around Nana's grandma was like being around his own even if the old woman didn't mind chasing them from time to time around the backyard while his usually just sat by kotatsu asking him questions about kindergarten, his teachers, his day and toys.
Very soon, Shuichi found out he didn't mind outbursts of laughter or screaming if it was Nana hysterically doing so at him changing his voice to purposely make her laugh or screaming surrender because he was winning a pillow fight tearing another one of his pillows open. Usually, he didn't mind because they were doing something together when it happened, and he was too engaged himself to feel anything other than joy and thrill.
'Put this on,' he told her handing her over his sweater or t-shirt every time she came. Her smell was improving, and it wasn't really as bad as everyone else's, but he still liked it better when she smelled more like him.
Nana always took it saying something like, 'You're a little bit weird, Shuichi-kun.' But she never said it in a mean way always giggling or smiling fondly when she put the piece of clothing on. When it was too hot for extra clothes Shuichi rubbed his shoulder against her causing her to laugh saying he was ticking her before she started to tickle him too sometimes ending up with each other them getting their clothes with grass stays as they wrestled in the ground.
'Say that I won!' he demanded every time he overpowered her and held her against the ground while smiling. His fingers circled her wrist like bracelets while he sat at her stomach making sure she couldn't escape.
He held her firmly enough to make sure she wouldn't escape but after the first time he caused a large purple bruise on her shoulder, he always kept in the back of his mind that he needed to be careful too.
'No!' she laughed back trying to break free even if they both learned by now it was no use no matter what trick or moved she tried.
'Say it!'
'NO!'
After a while, she usually gave up admitting that he was the winner while throwing grass at his head, but this time she rose her head and showed him her teeth for a second making a motion like she was trying to bite him.
'I'm a dog,' she said and added a childlike growl and bark while looking up at him.
Shuichi wasn't sure what happened next but for a second felt something inside him shift. It caused the heavy voices inside the back of his mind to press hard against it seemingly taking control. For some reason, the only thing that he could comprehend was that Nana was challenging him. The next thing he knew was that he growled directly at her face loud enough that everyone walking nearby would hear him.
Nana's smile fell, and she blinked confused. She didn't look scared. But Nana rarely looked scared by whatever strange things Shuichi did the way other kids or adults used to.
She simply blinked at him with her big brown eyes and waited for her lack of motion calming down whatever arose from the back of his head before he softened his frown and leaned down close enough to press his cheek against her.
Nana wasn't afraid. She was Nana.
But Shuichi was terrified.
He didn't like whenever he suddenly felt different than he should. It didn't happen often around her. It was usually little things like with the smell and loud noises, but sometimes with other kids and adults, he felt things like this. This anger, this feeling of being challenged and needed to prove himself that he was better. The feeling of someone trying to hurt him or that he needed to stay alert. The feeling that someone would try to take what was his.
He rubbed their cheeks together knowing if she smelled more like him it would calm him down fast before he let her wrists go, 'Nana-chan, don't do that again. I didn't like it.'
Nana watched him carefully for a moment before she nodded and they started to get up, 'Don't worry, Shuichi-kun.' She said it so casually with a warm smile like it was all alright. She wasn't worried. She was never worried whenever he acted strangely. But he was.
The older he got the more he realized it wasn't okay to be like this. It wasn't how other people acted. He wasn't sure if that made him different or strange, but he was worried it might. It also didn't help that his heavy thoughts seemed to be louder and pushier than before. He felt embarrassed and scared not sure what was wrong with him.
Glancing at Nana who grinned and told him to race her to his house helped calm down some of his nerves, but not all. Not those he had when they weren't together or when he wasn't with his mother.
When he was alone with other kids from kindergarten or people from his mother's work because she needed to step away from a moment, Shuichi felt strange, different, like he didn't belong. Like he was an intruder. His mother never looked like she felt that way and neither did Nana, but he never asked fearing what they would think if he did. Maybe it wasn't important maybe it was just something he sometimes felt like all his other strange feelings.
Either way, when he raced Nana to his front door almost collapsing against it from exhaustion and then arguing with her about who was first, it felt so far away it didn't really matter.
Most of his worries felt far away when he was with the raven-haired girl with green ribbons in her hair. It made him glad to spend so much time with her.
Nana's birthday came and went and so did Shuichi's. They were both five years old now and next year they would start school. Nana was exactly five days older than Shuichi and so he suggested that this year they could share a party on Sunday. Until that year Nana never had a birthday party before, and she was spending most of her time with him anyway, so it didn't feel all that special.
Her granny suggested they bake, and so she helped with the cake. In Nana's and Shuichi's opinion, it was great, and Shuichi thanked her granny and Nana with a hug upon Shiori-san's instruction.
They ate and played most of the day as they usually would, and Nana got some new clothes from Shiori-san that were actually new not just new old like the clothes her granny usually gave her.
It was fun, and it made both Shuichi and Nana excitedly talking about their next year's birthday and what they would do and get.
Nana didn't really realize anything was wrong until her granny's phone that almost never rang since everyone who granny knew lived nearby went off one day before kindergarten.
She was in the process of finishing breakfast and glancing at the clock silently counting the minutes before Shuichi and his mom would come to pick her up. Shuichi taught her how to tell them after the teacher in the kindergarten sighed loudly and left after Nana failed to do so along with the rest of the class.
The tall woman with greyish hair didn't really seem to like Shuichi and Nana for as long as the girl could remember, 'Don't worry, she's just doing it wrong. You just need to repeat after me, okay?'
With a bright smile, Nana nodded and followed his instructions making no mistake by the time Shiori-san came to pick them up.
That morning her granny's voice was serious almost cold before she handed the phone to the little girl without another word and walked away. The behavior confused Nana, but as she glanced at the phone she brought it to her ear and asked, 'Mochi-mochi?'
'Oi, Nana-chan, happy birthday!' called out her mommy in a sing-like voice. It was the first time she had heard of her since she left months ago. With her granny, Shuichi, Shiori-san around, and the whole new kindergarten, the girl didn't even realize it was already that long.
Her mommy talked about how she missed her and would come soon but then corrected herself two times about if she would come in the winter or summer leaving Nana confused. She didn't ask how Nana was or if she made any new friends the way Shiori-san or granny did whenever she and Shuichi came home. It never puzzled the brunette before, but now she found it strange.
'Mommy, I missed you,' said Nana suddenly feeling a wave of sadness over the fact that she hadn't seen her mom so long.
'I missed you too, Nana-chan. I wish you were here. I thought about you a lot lately,' said the woman cheerfully not detecting the little girl's sorrowful voice.
Her mom ended the call promising to call soon barely waiting for Nana to say goodbye.
It left her feeling strange and blankly staring at the phone for a few moments not sure what was wrong. She wanted to ask granny if she knew what her mommy was doing, but as she saw how upset the older woman was she didn't and rather went to catch Shuichi and Shiori-san before she would be late.
In the kindergarten, everyone had a parent. Even if just one like Shuichi, everyone had a mother or a father or both who came to the kindergarten to drop them off and pick them off. Nana was the only one who lived with some other relative. Sometimes it was strange when the sensei wanted them to talk about the things their parents liked or did, but Nana usually said what she could remember about the times she lived with her mommy. But the fact that she didn't live with her anymore and didn't know where she was or when she would come back made her different than the others. Even different than Shuichi.
'Are you sad?' asked Shuichi during lunchtime probably noticing how quiet and lost in thoughts she was, 'Did someone say something mean to you?' he asked with that icy look behind his eyes. Before it was always behind his eyes but whenever they were together it seemed to soften and only come back if an outsider (Shuichi started to call them that recently) got near. Last time she saw it was when some kids were rude about her clothes on the playground again.
Shuichi pushed one boy to the ground looking very careless when he started to cry even if it got him in trouble with his mommy. Even before, kids tended to stay away from Shuichi and because she was always with him her too. Her redheaded friend confessed to her that more of than not he misbehaved around them or bite them because he felt cornered by them or they made him angry. Nana wasn't familiar with the need to bite someone. Usually, if someone was mean, she told them to stop, rushed away, or stayed silent too stunned to do anything. However, she never judged Shuichi's behavior knowing that as long as he was good to her, he was a good kid and friend which was all that should matter to her.
'No,' she said quickly, and the look softened inside the forest trees once again, 'So what's the matter?'
She looked at her friend not sure what to say, 'My mommy has been gone for a while now. I don't know if she's coming back.' She sounded sadder than she thought she was but maybe she just didn't realize how much it bothered her that her mommy was gone like that. Was she ever coming back? Did she at least miss her? Why didn't she at least come to visit? She liked to live with granny and be near Shuichi-kun and his mommy, but she still missed her own mommy.
He was quiet for a while before he said, 'You don't need her.'
Nana blinked not sure how to take his words before he continued, 'You have granny and me and my mommy. If she comes back good, but right now we can take care of you so don't be sad, Ran-chan. I don't like it when you're sad.'
Sometimes Shuichi said strange things or behaved strangely in general, but Nana knew he was a good person as her granny said and that he was a good friend to her. Keeping that in mind made it easier to take his words and actions in and know at the end of the day he was still Shuichi. He was still her friend, and she would accept him and his words and behavior no matter what.
Feeling a bit better, Nana smiled at him bumping her knee against his under the table, 'My granny and I will take care of Shiori-san and you too, Shuichi-kun.'
She believed it, and she considered it a promise.
'Do you think you and Nana-chan will marry one day, Shuichi-kun?'
Since his grandparents lived far away, they only ever visited them once a year near the special holidays. Usually, Shuichi didn't mind although the smell of the trains was especially nauseating, but this year's visit meant he wouldn't see Nana for a couple of days which after spending every day together made him feel especially unhappy about the visit.
'Can't Nana-chan come too?' he asked her mother that morning even though he knew it would be pointless.
They were all sitting by the katatsu since it was the warmest place in the house with the heater under the low table. Usually, when they came to visit, they sit around it ate, and then later slept under it since it was close to winter and his grandmother was always cold.
'Mother, please, don't ask him such things,' warned his mother while Shuichi tried to think about the question and the answer.
'It's not uncommon for people to marry their childhood sweethearts, Shiori-chan,' said his grandmother. She always called his mother that even though, Shuichi could tell she didn't like it. He wasn't sure knew what the older woman meant.
'They're kids. They're not thinking about such things.'
'Nonsense, when you were that age you always wanted to play wedding with your father. You dressed up and put on my shoes,' said the older woman causing Shuichi to chuckle while his mother sighed and waved at her to change the topic.
His grandmother leaned closer to him again, 'So?'
'Nana-chan is my best friend,' he said hoping it would be a good answer. He honestly wasn't sure what to reply. Nana was a girl, but she was also his best friend. Sometimes they would say think like when I grow up I will have three cats and a red car or some other childlike nonsense, but even if Shuichi tried to think about his future, he couldn't really picture himself being old and married the way his parents were before his father passed away or his grandparents still were. It was a funny thought really, and luckily his grandmother soon lost interest in the topic asking about something else.
When he came back Nana was already waiting for him outside his house, and his mother allowed them to play in the snow for a bit before he would have to take a bath.
As Nana managed a few lucky shots and they both grew tired, they agreed on a draw and went to sit on the first steps to his house looking at the white snow. It started early this year.
The voices in the back of his mind were calmer during the winter almost pleasantly only occasionally stroking his mind like a soft memory of from times he was even younger.
'Nana-chan,' he said recalling what his grandmother and mother spoke about while he was away, 'do you want to get married when you grow up?'
She shrugged her shoulders, 'I don't know. Maybe. You?'
'I don't know,' he admitted looking at the snow that started to fall down from the sky again covering the footprints of their shoes as if they were never there.
'My grandparents are married. My parents were married,' he muttered silently watching the snow not sure how he felt about the whole thing. Maybe he thought Nana would have a better idea about the whole thing since she was a girl.
'Are your parents married?' he asked after a moment before he frowned realizing it was probably rude or would make Nana upset, 'No…forger it.'
'No,' said Nana and pulled away from one of her gloves to blow hot air against her bare palm while Shuichi watched her, 'It's just me, my mommy, my granny, and sometimes…the uncles.'
Shuichi heard about the uncles before. It was strange that Nana had so many, but his mother warned him not to talk about them the one and only time he brought it up during dinner.
'Are your grandparents happy together?' she asked finally while still keeping her brown eyes on her palm instead of at him. It was a bit odd, but it also helped to continue to talk.
He glanced at the sky thinking about his grandparents, 'I think so. They talk a lot and spend every day today. They're quieter than your granny though, but I think they're happy together.'
'Do you think they will stay that way forever?' she asked and finally looked at him, 'I don't know many people who are happy together forever. Do you?'
He glanced over at her. Her eyes seemed especially warm and brown today even if her face seemed somewhat serious, 'We don't know many people, Nana-chan.'
It made her laugh a bit before she nodded. It was cold, but she didn't put her glove back on leaving it out in the cold.
'What's wrong with your glove?'
'There's a hole in it,' she explained and then showed him the little hole, 'See?'
He had a hole once in his glove it very annoying.
'If we ever get married would we stay happy forever?' she asked him with a smile. The seriousness from before which was so unnatural for her was completely gone.
Shuichi felt really glad. She was his best friend. Those few days without her were so boring, he missed her every moment knowing he couldn't walk over to her house in fifteen minutes or less. It was the longest they had been away from each other, and he didn't like it one bit. He wanted to be friends with her forever. They never said they would be, but it made sense that they would. He wanted them to be. It made sense since they were friends. It made sense since Nana was his-
'Yes, if we get married, we will stay happy together,' he said, and for a moment even if they didn't fully understand the weight of his words, they looked at each other in silence almost memorizing the moment.
Then, Shuichi pulled his own glove away from his hand and placed it into Nana's open palm, 'You can bring it back tomorrow after your granny fixes yours.'
Nana smiled and thanked him just as his mother started to head toward the door probably to tell him to come inside.
It wasn't too dark, so Nana was allowed to walk home alone for once with his glove on her hand and hers in the pocket of her winter jacket.
'Did you give Nana your glove?' asked his mother blinking puzzled at the single glove he handed her.
He nodded while he finished undressing the rest of his clothes and putting off his shoes, 'Yes, hers had a hole.'
When she praised him for being a good friend and giving up his glove so she wouldn't be cold, he asked her about his father. He didn't remember him much, and mother rarely spoke of him since it always seemed to make her upset after a while. However, it had been so long since she did, that maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
She looked at the glove with a secret smile he didn't understand before she looked at him again, 'He made me happy. He made me feel more like myself than I ever felt alone.'
Her words surprised the little boy. Not with their meaning per se, but rather with the rawness.
The heavy thoughts lightly tapped against the back of his mind as if to tell him something, but luckily his mother led him to the bathroom asking him if Nana made him happy.
'Very.'
A.N: Thank you for taking your time to read this, I was just brainstorming some ideas that I couldn't use anymore in TBH, so I decided to glue them together in this fic. It wont be long just maybe 5-6 chapters. I hope you liked it, and that you and your loved ones are safe :) Have a nice day