Chapter 4: Dead And Breakfast

Josh groaned softly as he slowly opened his eyes, feeling as though he hadn't slept very well. This was not the result of his coffin being too hard or too confining. If anything, it had proven surprisingly roomy and comfortable.

No, it was the direct result of him having had to sleep in a coffin, and everything that such a resting place represented. People were buried in these long, angular boxes, after all, and the thought of accidentally getting trapped inside of one and being buried alive by mistake was one that Josh didn't want to entertain.

Of course, there had been no danger of such a fate befalling Josh as he'd slept. For one thing, the lid of his coffin - he really needed to stop thinking of it as his coffin for the sake of his sanity - had been completely removed, propped up against the wall on one side of the bedroom, ensuring that there was no danger of him getting trapped and left to suffocate, and even if he had somehow gotten himself into such a predicament, Roller Brawl's coffin was positioned directly next to his, a mere three feet away, ensuring that the boy's muffled cries for help would (probably) not go unanswered. All of this had done little to comfort Josh as he'd reluctantly gone to bed last night, however, for he couldn't forget that his bed had been made first and foremost to accommodate the deceased, which he had no desire to become anytime soon.

Speaking of the deceased, Josh glanced over at Roll's coffin as he sat up, pushing the covers off of himself. The derby vampire's resting place, unlike his own, had the lid equipped and closed, the skinny, hexagonal box motionless and as silent as… well, the grave. Josh tried to imagine how Roll might look inside of it. Did she lie stiff and rigid on her back, her arms crossed over her chest, resting like the dead body that she technically was? Or did she sleep in a more relaxed posture, perhaps on her side with her mouth slightly ajar? Did she sleep with her eyes open? Did she actually even sleep, or did she enter some sort of meditative trance? Did her consciousness float out of her body and go travelling while she rested, leaving her body as a limp, inanimate corpse? The possibilities unnerved Josh greatly, so much so that he could barely bring himself to get out of bed and approach Roll's coffin. He had promised that he'd wake her if he got up first, but he also didn't know what the derby vampire was like before she'd had her morning coffee… or whatever else she might drink.

"She's just a girl, Josh," the boy whispered to himself. "Just an ordinary girl… with vampire fangs… who sleeps in a coffin… and drinks blood." He swallowed nervously. In truth, Josh was yet to see Roll drink blood, but if she was anything like those ruffian vampires he'd encountered at Lunar Lodgings, he didn't want to get on her bad side, especially not while she was thirsty. He didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to have a vampire sink their fangs into his neck, draw crimson fluid and then drink from the wound. Did they slurp up the blood like soup through a straw, and were they gentle in doing so? Or did they just tear the neck open with reckless abandon to get at the good stuff as quickly and in as large a quantity as possible?

Josh realised that he was trembling. These thoughts of his were getting too morbid. Too unsettling.

Too real.

No. This was stupid. He was being stupid. Roller Brawl had had every opportunity to prey on him before now. She wasn't that kind of vampire.

But then, what kind of vampire was she? In the short time Josh had known Roll, she had proven herself to be very impulsive and extremely unpredictable. It seemed as though she just did whatever popped into her head at any given time, from pulling off elaborate and often dangerous stunts with her skates to very suddenly lashing out at one of the training dummies in the Skylander Academy's courtyard, slicing it in two with her metal claws. She was a real wild card, and that, coupled with the fact that she was the literal walking dead, made her… challenging for Josh to be around, especially given how timid and jumpy he tended to be at the best of times. He couldn't understand why the Undead Skylander had taken such a liking to him from the word go, and he couldn't be sure if that was entirely a good thing.

Josh sighed. He knew that the more he let these conflicting thoughts chase each other around inside his head, the harder it would be for him to do what needed to be done. To that end, he threw caution to the winds and rapped on the lid of Roll's coffin, giving three swift, soft taps that were barely audible to him, let alone the macabre container's occupant.

"Roller Brawl? Are you awake?" Josh called, his words barely above a whisper. "Y-You told me to wake you, so… here I am."

"Lift the lid," came a muffled response.

Josh furrowed his brow slightly. "Huh?"

"Lift the lid, Josh," Roll repeated, a hint of slyness to her voice. "I don't bite… much."

Josh grimaced. "Roller Brawl, I am really not in the mood to have you jump out and scare me," he said in what he meant as a warning tone, but which sounded more pleading than anything.

"I'll do worse than that if you don't get this coffin open," Roll told him firmly. "C'mon, Sneakers, grow a pair. I could hear you mumbling to yourself before. 'Oh, she's just an ordinary girl, except she has fangs and drinks blood.' Ohh, scary," she concluded sarcastically, and Josh could practically hear the derby vampire rolling her eyes as she spoke.

"Alright, alright," he said dismissively. He gave another little sigh before irritably muttering, "Vampires."

"Humans!" Roll retorted without missing a beat. Hearing this, Josh harshly flung the lid from the coffin, with it falling to the floor beside the container with a soft thud. The young human took one look inside the coffin… and his blood ran cold.

Roll was lying there with her eyes closed, her expression serene and her arms crossed over her chest. She looked as though she hadn't moved in hours, and she didn't appear to be breathing. Did vampires breathe? She was so still. So silent. So…

…Dead.

Josh felt a lump catch in his throat. Had he imagined his conversation with Roll just now? Had she actually been asleep all this time? Seeing her lie there like that, so motionless, so lifeless… It made Josh scared. Very scared. He knew that she was undead, but where was the line between undead and fully dead? Did Roll step over that threshold when she slept? Was she just a corpse right now? How long had she been like that? How long would she be like that? Was there a way to rouse her from such a state? Was it even safe to try?

Josh crept away from the open coffin, from the lifeless body before him. He had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.

"BOO!" Roll suddenly shouted, sitting bolt upright in an instant and grinning at Josh deviously with an open-mouthed smile, her fangs on full display. The boy shrieked and stumbled back, falling into his own coffin and landing with his legs sprawled over the side, prompting Roll to burst out laughing. "Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa…! I got you GOOD, Sneakers!" she declared triumphantly.

"That was not funny, Roller Brawl!" Josh snapped as he struggled to upright himself, nearly falling over again as he did so. "I nearly wet myself just now!"

"Hee hee hee hee ha ha ha…!" Roll just continued to laugh giddily for several long seconds. "Oh, man, that was priceless! You should've seen the look on your face! I thought your eyes were gonna pop outta your head!" She then smirked deviously. "They'd have gone great on toast."

"Did you miss the part where I said 'not funny'?" Josh asked, scowling.

"Oh, c'mon, I was just messing with you," Roll assured him. "Vampires don't eat eyeballs on toast. Not human eyeballs, anyway. That'd just be messed up."

"Hmph! Like drinking blood is any better…" Josh muttered coldly, causing Roll's smile to fall flat in an instant.

"Alright, you don't have to get nasty," she told him. "Like I said, I was only joking around."

"Hardy har. "Josh replied bitterly. He started for the doorway. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"I'll inform the press," Roll responded cheekily, flicking a strand of her bubblegum pink hair out of her face as she spoke. Josh ignored her.

"A real piece of work, she is," he muttered to himself as he washed his hands at the bathroom sink a few minutes later, careful not to splash water on the hair dryer that rested on the very edge of the sink. It was a noticeably unusual hair dryer - one that appeared to have been carved from purple crystal rather than made from or with any sort of machine parts, the buttons and dials brightly coloured and looking almost like pieces of candy. There was no power cord or any sort of battery compartment that Josh could spot, suggesting that the device might be powered by magic rather than any sort of electricity. Regardless of how it worked, Josh wasn't about to mess around with it without a cause; he'd learned the hard way not to touch strange devices in Skylands after accidentally activating Mags' De-Goldifier in the Skylander Academy's basement while helping arrange cardboard boxes full of supplies down there. He'd bumped the lever that set the machine in reverse, causing it to emit a beam that had turned him into a gold statue… or at least that's what Mags had told him ten minutes later after she'd found him and turned him back to normal; Josh remembered bending down to pick up another cardboard box one second, and Mags suddenly helping him to his feet and fussing over him the next, the boy feeling dazed, drowsy and stiff all over. When he learned just what had happened, the young human made sure from then on to give any gadgets or gizmos that looked even remotely foreign to him a wide berth; knowing that it easily could've been days before anyone had found his gold plated behind was an unsettling thought.

As Josh made to leave the bathroom, he turned and gazed longingly at the bathtub, as well as a container on the sink that held several toothbrushes, one of which distinctly had a skull design at the top behind the bristles. If only he'd had his spare set of clothes with him. He sighed gloomily, moving to make his exit.

Just before Josh could take hold of the doorknob, the bathroom door suddenly swung outwards, revealing Roller Brawl to be standing there, a small pile of neatly folded clothes held in one hand, a vibrant red toothbrush still in its original packaging resting atop them. What really caught Josh's attention was the guilty look on the vampire's face.

"Thought you might like a hot bath to de-tense after spending the night in a body box," she said, holding out the clothes to him. "These are my brother's, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind you borrowing them for a bit. After all, he's… not here." She averted her gaze as she said that last part, looking distinctly crestfallen. Then she seemed to immediately perk up, meeting Josh's gaze once more. "There's soap, shampoo, conditioner and toothpaste in the cabinet behind the mirror, and…" she motioned for Josh to come closer. "I've got this coconut body wash that smells really awesome stashed in the cupboard under the sink," she whispered. "I usually hate when someone else uses it behind my back, but if I notice the bottle feeling lighter when I check it later, I'll turn a blind eye just this once," she concluded with a sly wink.

Josh looked surprised for a moment, and then he smiled. "Thanks, Roll," he said, accepting the clothes, "And I…" He sighed. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, and that comment I made about drinking blood was uncalled for, especially since I don't really know anything about vampire culture… or most cultures in Skylands, for that matter," he admitted, looking down at the floor shamefully.

"Eh. It's no big deal," Roll assured him with a smile and a light, dismissive shrug. "You're not the first person I've ticked off with my practical jokes. You should've seen what happened that time I slipped a ghost pepper into Jet-Vac's birdseed sandwich. 'You try that again, Little Missy, and I'll write you up for Skylander misconduct!'" she said, doing her best impression of the Air Skylander.

Josh laughed, but then a thought occurred to him. "Now, when you say ghost pepper…" he began.

"It wasn't a haunted pepper, Josh," she told him with a deadpan expression. "It was just really, really spicy. Enjoy your bath!" she then said brightly. "I'm gonna go get started on some breakfast. Hope you're hungry!" On that note, she closed the door and left Josh to his own devices.

"Sheesh. She goes from kooky to kind to… I don't even know what and back again faster than I can blink," the boy mused to himself quietly. He then turned his attention to the bathtub, a tired, relieved smile appearing on his face at the sight of it. "Guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, though."

One deeply rejuvenating soak later, Josh made his way into the kitchen of Roller Brawl's childhood home, now dressed in a black trench coat worn over a white shirt, a pair of blue track pants and black ankle socks patterned with little white skulls. He had to admit, he didn't look half bad in this getup, not least because he had made an effort to brush his hair back with… so-so results. The smell of buttery pancakes reached his nostrils as he entered the room, Roll looking up from the frying pan she was currently managing, still in her pyjamas, to greet the boy with a cheery fanged smile, only for her expression to turn to one of awe at the sight of her freshly showered house guest.

"Oh, wow," she audibly murmured. "He cleans up better than I do."

"My ears are burning," Josh teased lightly, unable to keep the grin off his face. Roll quickly turned away, but the young human had already seen the faint blush on her cheeks. "Hey, c'mon, I'm not that cute, am I?" he went on cheekily, parroting the derby vampire's words from the night before.

"D-Don't push your luck, Sneakers," Roll spluttered, scowling a little as she turned to face the boy, only to avert her gaze once more a second later, her blush visibly deepening. "It's that trench coat you're wearing. It makes you look a little bit like… well, like a vampire."

Josh turned to the nearby refrigerator, catching sight of his reflection in its surface. "Really? Huh," he said, giving a light shrug as he took a moment to low-key admire himself. "Well, I still don't look the part as good as you do," he went on more earnestly, turning back to Roll with an encouraging smile. "You rock those fangs of yours, Roll, y'know that?"

Roll gave an amused scoff. "Less than an hour ago, you were mumbling to yourself about how creepy my fangs are." She set the frying pan aside on an inactive burner before suddenly moving to close the distance between herself and her house guest at a speed that could only be described as supernatural, for that's exactly what it was - the unnatural agility of a vampire in action. The Undead Skylander wrapped her arms around the young human and pulled him close, his chest suddenly against hers. Unsure of what to make of this, Josh gave a nervous chuckle.

"I'm not sure I said 'creepy' exactly…" he managed awkwardly, averting his gaze. Roll then moved her right arm away from Josh's spine, still keeping him in place with her left, using her right hand to gently lift his chin up as she had done the night before, forcing him to meet her gaze. He let out another nervous chuckle.

"Well, let me tell you something, Joshua Light," Roll whispered in a decidedly sensual tone. "We undead girls… take being called creepy as a compliment. You make sure you remember that, 'kay?"

Josh gulped. "Okay!" he babbled, the word coming out amidst yet another nervous giggle, a big, stupid, terrified smile on his face.

"Good," Roll said, starting to lean in towards the boy as she spoke, her eyes closing, lips puckering. Unsure of what else to do, Josh decided to follow the undead girl's example and meet her halfway, closing his own eyes and pursing his lips, doing what he could to prepare for a kiss that he felt he was anything but prepared for…

And then he yelped and leapt back in horror, dismay and disgust as he felt Roller Brawl's saliva coated finger insert into his left ear and gently twist this way and that, the vampire cracking up laughing as Josh reacted to yet another one of her practical jokes that he had fallen hook, line and sinker for.

"Eurgh! Eww! Seriously?! A wet willy?! Before breakfast?!" the boy exclaimed, pouting indignantly. He put his hands on his hips as he watched Roll collapse onto the floor, utterly howling with laughter.

"Oh, man, you're way too easy to bait, Sneakers!" she exclaimed between bouts of unbridled mirth, reaching up to wipe a tear from her eye. "That's what you get for walking in here and using my own words against me," she said more seriously as her laughter faded. "'Not that cute' indeed… I think that kiss I gave you last night made you cocky!"

"Says the girl who's completely batty!" Josh responded, now having moved over to the kitchen sink, running warm water over his fingers, which he then dug into his ear to try and clear out the derby vampire's spit. "Why did you kiss me last night, anyway? Or was that just another means of messing with my head?" he demanded.

"Oh, I assure you, Joshua, I had a very good reason for kissing you," Roll told him, her tone dripping with slyness. "You just can't figure out what it is because you're a boy."

Josh groaned. "Really? You're gonna play the 'girls are smarter than boys' card? Admit it, Roll - you just wanna make me squirm so you can have a cheap laugh at my expense." He then turned away. "Bet that's the whole reason you brought me out here…" That comment made Roll's smirk fall flatter than the pancakes she was cooking.

"Oh, ow. Ow, Joshua," she declared cynically. "You really think I'm that shallow? That I've got nothing better to do than pick on other people like some schoolyard bully?"

"Well, you do attend school. Kind of," Josh pointed out without looking at her. "It's called Skylander Academy for a reason, right?"

Roller Brawl sighed heavily. "Okay, fine, you've got me there," she admitted begrudgingly, "But I'm not a bully, Josh. I didn't bring you out here just to torment you and I certainly didn't kiss you just to torment you. A vampire's kiss is like a vampire's bite, Josh - it's never done without reason, and I know what you're thinking," she went on, seeing Josh start to open his mouth to retort, "And those ruffians from Lunar Lodgings do not represent vampire society as a whole, okay? I am not them. As a Skylander, I fight to keep the populace safe from troublemakers like them." She then did something that surprised Josh, getting down on one knee and bowing her head, the long strands of her bubblegum pink hair obscuring her face completely. "And I will keep you safe for as long as you're here in Skylands, Joshua Light. You have my word as a Skylander."

Josh was taken aback. He had clearly touched a nerve in the girl before him. After a long moment, he sighed, feeling guilty and looking the part.

"I know you're not a bully, Roll," he said after a long moment. "I just…" He sighed again. "I'm jumpy, okay? I get scared or grossed out easily, and when someone does scare me, or messes with my head, it makes me feel…" Another sigh. "It makes me feel small and stupid, like I'm just some clueless, gullible idiot that everyone can walk all over and poke fun at. Even back home, I tended to keep to myself, preferring comics and video games over social gatherings. My Mom often pushed me towards making friends, and I did try, and it wasn't a complete loss, but…" One more sigh to add to the proverbial pile. "I'm not that great at talking to people. I mean…" The young human bit his lip. "I never know what to say, and whenever I do say something, I usually make a fool of myself. Kinda like what I'm doing now," he finished in a dull murmur.

Roll sighed as she straightened up once more. "Like I said earlier, you're hardly the first person I've pushed to the limit with my practical jokes. People tell me I don't know when to stop, and maybe they're right, but…" She sighed again. "Sometimes I wonder if I am a bully after all," she admitted quietly. "They say that hurt people tend to hurt other people and, well…" Roll shrugged, letting out a short, cynical chuckle. "I guess my pranks are a way to…" She shook her head knowingly. "They're my way of venting frustration without resorting to… well, the sorts of things that less law-abiding vampires would do to let off steam. Things like…"

"Preying on the innocent and drinking them for all they're worth," Josh finished for her grimly. He sighed for what must have been the umpteenth time that day, and he hadn't even had breakfast yet. "I'm sorry, Roll."

Roll shook her head. "I'm the one who should be sorry. It's not fair of me to take out my under-the-hood problems on you. Thing is, I've been playing practical jokes for so long that I've…" She smirked knowingly. "I've kinda developed a taste for it. I'm like a kleptomaniac, but instead of stealing everything that's not nailed down, I pull pranks on anyone who crosses my path. Sometimes I'll just go along, minding my own business… and then suddenly, I'll have an overwhelming urge to offer the person sitting next to me some 'almonds' from a can that's totally not full of spring snakes."

Josh snorted in knowing amusement. "My uncle used to pull that one all the time… until it got him in trouble with the cops. That was not a good day. He bounced back, though, finding a better outlet for his need of a cheap laugh. Now he does amateur stand-up comedy, trying to make others laugh rather than looking for an excuse to laugh at them, and he's much happier for it."

Sounds like a cool guy," Roll mused. Then she smiled. "In which case, like uncle, like nephew."

Josh blushed, averting his gaze, his smile a mile wide. "Roller Brawl, I assure you, I am anything but cool. You're the cool one. I mean, just look at yourself," he said, gesturing to the Undead Skylander with both hands. "You're this ultra capable, battle ready vampire on roller skates who drives a monster car that growls at anyone who looks at it funny. You're a protector of the peace who manages to be chivalrous and compassionate despite being a serial prankster who doesn't always know when to stop. You've got a witty remark for every situation, and you always make sure that you provide as many laughs as you seek to get. You're strong. You're confident. You're brave. You're…" The boy looked down at the tiled kitchen floor. "You're everything that I probably ought to be at my age and more. Instead, I'm just…" He sighed. Again. "Well, me."

Roll walked over and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hey," she said gently, "Don't you dare think little of yourself in my kitchen, especially not this early in the morning," she said, her words sincere, but peppered with a light, playful tone that was specifically intended to make her house guest smile, and sure enough, Josh couldn't help but giggle at the derby vampire's words. "You are cool, Sneakers, and you know how I know?"

Josh couldn't bring himself to meet Roll's gaze, but he was still grinning and giggling in a frankly adorable way. "No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me, Mom," he said cheekily before bursting out laughing. That laughter quickly escalated when Roll suddenly pinned the young human down on the hard floor and started to tickle him all over.

"Just for that, you're getting a full minute of this at least," she told him, grinning mischievously, her fangs fully visible. "Any other cheeky remarks you'd like to share with the class?"

"Heehheehahahahaha…! AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Roll, stop! STOP!" the boy howled between bouts of uncontrollable laughter. "You're gonna mahahake me wet myselhelhelf!"

"Aaaaaand now I don't want breakfast," Roll said as she quickly relented, giving Josh some room to breathe. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm starving!"

"Oh, man!" Josh exclaimed breathlessly. "You truly are a wild card!" he then declared, eyeing Roll as he got to his feet, still giggling. "Heh, heh… Gosh, I hate being so ticklish," he murmured. His eyes then widened as he realised what he'd just said. "You never heard that."

"Heh. That's exactly what Stealthie said to me when I first found out that she is ticklish," Roll said, smirking. "You never heard that from me, by the way."

Josh exhaled deeply. "Can we eat now?" he asked, his stomach rumbling as he spoke. "This morning's just been all kinds of… well, y'know."

"Yeah," Roll said, stepping up beside the boy and putting an arm around his shoulders. "I know."