Hermione's notes: The first time i saw death. I did not question eternity, or an afterlife i'd never be able to comprehend. I feared for my mortal soul, and what havoc this life might yet bring upon it, and i. I cannot touch it, nor see my soul, and yet losing it- losing myself fills me with more dread and fear than i've known in all of my life.
The first time i saw death, and he saw me i thought about reaching out for it, to ensure my soul remained intact and that i'd never be tarnished by the earthly woes constantly trying to corrupt me. The only thing that held me back from putting my hand out to accept death, was the knowledge that if i did i would never again see those blazing blue eyes of yours.
Ron. The first time i saw death, i told him he'd have to wait to take me, because of you.
Chapter 12.
Hogwarts lost/ an unexpected trio
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November 1997
An unexpected trio
Hermione meant only to rest her eyes for a few moments, but she must have fallen into deep slumber because she'd drooled into her pillow. Her face was wet on one side.
Gross.
She rubbed at her face, trying to force herself to greet the new day. She idled much longer than usual. Current events still hung on her heavily.
It had been 2 days since Neville came home. 2 days since Astoria Greengrass's death warrant had been all but signed by Moody's claiming of Pandora's box.
Sleep had been annoyingly elusive in those 2 days, and last night she slept better than she had been- but still. Hermione felt a deep aching in her bones. Not the physical kind that came from exercise, but the manifested from guilt kind.
It was at least half her fault the Order even knew about the box. Her cleverness made her a fool sometimes.
Ginny had only made it to the castle the night previous, Hermione had barely been able to spare a moment to greet her. She'd been much more preoccupied with constructing a plan to steal Pandora's box from the Order.
Hermione's nose tickled. She barely even remembered crawling into her bed last-
Her bedroom door banged open, and Hermione shot straight up in her bed, suddenly very awake. The distinct scent of ash in the air wafted in.
"Granger!" It was Theo. "Wake the fuck up!"
Hermione's eyes went straight to Astoria's side of the room, but her bed was empty. Ron and Harry had slept elsewhere last night, they'd been given a room closer to Gryffindor tower to share.
"Granger!" Theo yelled at her desperately. "Granger, get up now, throw on some shoes!"
She was entirely caught off guard, and her voice was still somewhat thick with sleep. "What's wrong?"
Theo rushed passed her, and began shoving various things from the other side of the room into a bag. Astoria's belongings.
Hermione cursed herself for having slept in one of the thinnest nightgowns she owned. She wrapped a robe around herself quickly. Then she slid on a pair of shoes, and looked out the castle window.
"Theo," she gasped. "The castle is-"
"I know." He answered, still shoving things into the bag.
The castle was on fire, and above some of its turrets floated the dark mark. Morsmorde had been cast within the school bounds. The castle was under attack.
"We have to go now." Hermione could hear the strain and see the beads of sweat gathering on his brow. He grabbed a peacoat off its hanger and flung it at Hermione, and continued shoving stuff into the bag. "Bundle up."
Fuck that. She immediately thought.
"I'm not leaving without-"
Theo glared at her and finished her sentence before she had the chance. "Without the Weasley's and Potter." He rolled his eyes. "They're already out. I watched Moody put them all through the floo, they're together and safe."
"Why didn't you take the floo to?" Hermione wasn't sure if she could tell if Theo were to lie to her. She bit her lip.
"-because someone had to come back for the golden girl, and there was no way Moody was risking Potter or Weasley to save you."
That was true enough. Better to only lose 1/3 of the golden trio, especially Hermione. Moody would sacrifice her before them any day of the week.
"Mcgonagall gave me this-" He brandished a little silver thimble and it caught the light. Another portkey. "She said it's for you. So you can meet up with your friends once i get you out of school bounds."
Theo shoved Mcgonagall's hat from her desk and forced it into her hands then pulled her in the hallway with the bag slung over his back. There were screams as they made way down the corridors. The death eaters were already in the castle.
"Wait- where's Astoria?"
"She's a Greengrass. They aren't here to hurt any of our people." It was smart sending Theo after her, very smart Commander Moody had good ideas now and then she supposed. Theo pulled her forward and Hermione let him because she wasn't sure what else to do. Harry, Ron and Ginny were out and safe. If Theo was to be believed they'll be waiting for her at the end of a silver thimble.
Simple enough.
Then something dawned on her. "Do you think they knew Harry was here?" Was that why they attacked?
"No." Theo stopped cold and Hermione slammed into his back. He put a finger to his lips as a cloaked figure walked the opposite direction without seeing them. When the coast was clear they hurried along even faster than before. "I don't think the death eaters came for Potter."
The implication hung in the air that they had come for something though.
How had they known? How could Voldemort's side have known about the box coming to Hogwarts?
"No!" Hermione ripped her arm away from Theo in an instant, and before he could stop her she was sprinting with all her might to the headmaster's office.
Someone told. Someone who knew about the box had told. Malfoy maybe Theo- one of the Order members who had been trusted with the information. Hermione couldn't be sure of any of that. She just knew the death eaters were attacking Hogwarts to get Pandora's box.
She was frantic running but, she heard her name somewhere far off above the chaos for a moment or two. There were spells soaring through the air, and teachers were ushering children away and dueling a league of death eaters that just seemed to keep coming. Hermione's wand had luckily been in Mcgonagall's hat. She slipped it out and armed herself as she went.
Hermione wove in and around people, until the sight of one with flaming red hair stopped her in her tracks. He saw her too. It was Bill. He was dueling someone in a black and green mask. The Order was already sending in older members to defend the school, that was good.
He called out to her mid duel. "My brother." His eyes searched hers for the millisecond he looked her way. It was a question. My brother- where is my brother.
"Safe." Hermione called back. He inclined his head, to let her know he heard. He was still waving his wand and spell after spell was fired, and Hermione knew she had to go. She had to leave, but leaving Bill behind felt wrong. Even though he was a higher ranking member than her, and his training was leagues above hers to a point it was almost comical. Hermione just couldn't shake the dread, she just kept thinking of Fleur pregnant, and the family they were making together. Bill should be with her, not fighting this death eater. Bill's hair had come undone from the tie in it. He was just warming up she could tell, he could probably do this for hours.
"I'm sorry i couldn't do more for your friend." Bill responded, while weaving more intricate spells through the air. Hermione saw the look of regret in his eyes and knew that he really was sorry for Astoria.
Hermione could stop it from happening though she just had to get to the headmaster's office.
Hermione felt better about leaving when Bill caught the man in the mask with a nasty stinging hex.
She almost took a step forward to when Theo grabbed her from behind. "You psychotic fucking bint-" He seethed, and blocked a spell in the same moment from across the way. "I'm not dying here!" He grabbed her arm again but she clawed at him, and when he didn't let go she raked her fingernails across his face until it was bloody. She felt her animagus rear up desperate to come out, but she didn't let it.
Theo let her go, and Hermione finally made it to the Headmasters office a few minutes later. She was on her tenth unlocking spell when Theo stumbled in behind her with a storm of what she acknowledged was rightful anger brewing in his wake. "You know sometimes i do find it amusing that you're mad as a hatter but right now-" He used his cloak sleeve to wipe the blood still dripping down on his face. "It's really pissing me off!" Theo pointed his wand at her.
"I told them i would get you out, and i meant it." He growled.
Hermione pointed at the other side of the room, "There's a floo in here, we can use." She said. Theo glanced at it.
"Let's go, you'll never crack that fucking thing anyways and-"
The wards around the safe broke at that moment, and Hermione smiled to herself. Alohomora eat your heart out.
Hermione didn't waste a second. She snatched up the box and shoved it quickly into the hat.
"Okay- i'm good let's go!" Hermione turned to face him and he was looking at her incredulously.
"You should have just said that's what you were after, Granger." Perhaps he was right. Maybe it would have been easier and Theo would have helped her, but she had hoped to avoid Theo seeing her take the box, because now he was a witness. One she was unsure could be trusted. Somehow the death eater army had known to come for Pandora's box at Hogwarts, someone was no friend to the Order or Hermione for that matter.
"You can't tell anyone. Not a single soul, Theo." Hermione clutched the hat closer to her chest.
She had to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. It had been a horrible mistake to tell the Order about it. Casting the 4th unforgivable had seemed such an accomplishment or prize months back, but now it was clear to her how unethical this magics mere existence was. Truly there was a reason the 4th was so well guarded and hidden in the academic world. No good came from this sort of magic.
"I won't. Not even to Story, i swear." Theo said back with a tense nod. "Just make sure the Order can't force it on her anymore. Keep it well hidden." He commanded.
"That's the plan." She answered back, and then they were both at the floo, which of course wasn't working.
"They must have cut off the floo line already." Theo kicked the mantle in frustration. "Perfect, how do we get out now, golden girl?" Theo just shook his head, because the cacophony of battle was still riotous when they listened at the door.
Hermione rebuked the thoughts that were raging in her mind. Were people hurt- dead- were they Order members? She pushed it all away because she didn't have time to contemplate anything but getting out of Hogwarts with Mcgonagall's bloody hat. It was the most important thing right now.
"We don't have a choice we have to go back out there."
When they opened the door, Neville was standing there.
"Nev-" Hermione was both glad to see him and also she could give a fuck less because of the impending sense of doom that came with death eaters lurking about. "Come with us- were leaving the castle."
Neville glanced up at the safe Hermione had just left unsealed. It was hanging wide open and very clearly empty.
Then Theo lied. "We tried to recover it for the Commander, but the box was gone when we got here." He even shrugged.
Neville didn't try to call him out on it if he thought Theo was being dishonest. "Let's go, one of the seven secret passages is close, we need to get to the dungeons."
The three of them made an unexpected trio. Hermione. Neville, and Theo. She was used to this sort of running away from peril situation, but with Ron and Harry at her sides.
She knew Theo didn't seem to care who had the box really, so long as whoever did, it wouldn't effect Astoria. Still it was hard to trust his motivations all aligned with hers, and that he wouldn't try to take it off her. Hermione held the hat tightly in front of her chest with one hand, wand out with the other as they made their get away.
At least Neville was here, she could trust Neville.
"How the hell did they get into the castle?" Neville's voice quivered a bit from the strain of jogging.
They were in a corridor that was empty for now, but probably wouldn't be for long. Neville was leading the way, but Hermione knew exactly what passage he was after. Closest yes.
"Doesn't bloody matter how they got in, Longbottom. What matters is how in the hell are we going to make it out passed them?"
"The seven secret passages." Hermione and Neville answered at the same time looking at each other.
"What the hell are those?"
Right. Not everyone knew about the passages.
Then Hermione had to explain. "We will be using one of the 7 secret passageways to get out of Hogwarts."
"Why are they secret?" Theo asked.
"Situations like this i imagine- escapes-" Then Hermione shuts up and shushed the boys.
There was a dull thudding beat coming from somewhere, like a thousand high heels clicking at once.
"Do you hear that?" Neville whispered, and Hermione shushed him again.
"I don't- it's sort of familiar but i-" Hermione slunk against the wall when she saw them. For a moment it even occurred to her she felt faint. "Fuck."
Acromantula babies clung to the ceiling, floor, and sides of the hallway. They were coming straight for the unexpected trio.
Neville took a shuddering breath.
"What do we do?" He hissed at Hermione.
All she managed is a sharp jerk of her head. What the fuck could they do!
The spiders didn't seem to have spotted them quite yet but the moment they do, Hermione knew from experience all hell would break loose.
The closest creatures fangs glistened in the light filtering in, and Hermione's mouth tasted sour. There were hundreds of them. Varying sizes. Ones as small as a pinky finger, and the largest she spotted could probably swallow Crookshanks whole. Fighting them was not an option, they'd be over run in seconds.
"Hermione i'm not trying to rush you or anything but- damn it all. We need something- anything!" Neville pleaded. "They've blocked off the passage that way, and the next closest is a floor up, but we can't get to the stairs now and-" Neville's voice faded out because Hermione was in a sort of stupor.
Think. THINK. FUCKING THINK HERMIONE. She screamed at herself in her head.
Hermione started to run similar situations through her mind. All these years, and this was nothing she told herself. How many times had she faced worse than this with Ron and Harry. She took a steadying breath and cursed herself. She was in desperate need of a cigarette then, and normally maybe she wouldn't have even batted her eyes at- bat- bat was another word for club- the troll- the troll in the dungeon had a club. That's it!
That's fucking it!
She leveled her wand, and spied a large light fixture above the acromantula, half way between them and the spiders. Perfect.
"Get ready to run." She warned the others. "And follow me. I know where to go."
"On your mark, then Granger." Theo regarded her warily, unsure of what she had in mind.
"Wingardium leviosa." She said levelly.
She had their attention, and the horde of spiders quickened it's pace. Hermione began to carefully lower the light fixture from it's place. Cobwebs fluttered down, and she smelled the dust particles all the way from where she was.
"Do we run now?" Neville asked with his feet practically bouncing off the floor in anticpation.
"Not yet." It had to be timed perfectly or the 3 of them would end up dead. They couldn't fight all of them, but the best thing Hermione could do was reduce their numbers as greatly as she could. "Theo, when i say i need you to send a fire curse at the light."
Theo's lip twitched anxiously. "Okay. You better know what you're doing, Granger."
Hermione waited until at least half of them put themselves under the light where she was hovering it.
"Now." Hermione said.
Then she dropped her spell, Theo sent a blast of fire and they watched as the spiders splattered beneath the lights weight, and caught fire.
Goo had slung out onto her cloak, and up the walls even. The fire was now an awesome blaze, and the creatures screeched as they burned. The sound was piercing and Hermione's ear hurt terribly.
Screeches, and protruding fangs galore Hermione knew it was time to go. All hell was loose.
"Urgh- spider guts." Neville swiped at his face, trying to unglob himself.
"Run!" She cried and shoved at Neville and Theo to go back the way they came.
They scrambled down the corridor with the boys following Hermione close behind, and somehow Theo was able to find a laugh in their situation.
"You're fucking mad Granger! You're fucking fucked in the head, and i love it!" He laugh screamed behind her. Theo flung a string of curses over his shoulder to fend off from the spiders that had managed to catch up, they had been nipping at Neville's ankles.
"We're going to die." Neville sulked and he nearly tripped over his own feet. "We won't make it, there's still to many and they're catching up!"
"Run faster, and you'll be fine Longbottom!" Theo scolded him as he sent more curses into the fray of spiders. "Where's that courage Gryffindor is famous for?"
"That stupid hat screwed up." Neville panted. "I never should have been a Gryffindor." He admitted. Hermione knew then it was an admission of something else, but she ignored it carelessly. The spiders were all she could think about.
"Just keep going Neville, were almost there." Her breath was coming out heavier with each passing second of their mad dash.
"Where are we heading?" Theo's arms were pumping as hard as his chest, and he was only a pace behind her now.
"You have to trust me." She stated firmly to them both. She had a feeling they may not like what she had planned for their escape.
"Merlin- Yes! Fuck! Whatever, wherever i'll do it, Hermione! Get us out of this fucking place!" Neville fired a spell behind himself and it managed to hit a smaller beast in the front.
"I know another way out of the castle-" She gasped deep her lungs were on fire. "There's an 8th secret passage." She confided in them. "No one knows about it but me, i don't think you guys are going to like where we end up though. So you have to tr-"
"Yeah, yeah, trust you. We do!" Theo proclaimed.
A lone creature had managed to catch up to them, and it launched itself straight for Hermione's face. Theo deflected it for her.
"Thanks." She coughed out gratefully.
Letting the acromantula into Hogwarts was a terrible act. They'd kill whoever they came across on both sides. The beasts were foul and bloodthirsty. They weren't the only creature the death eaters let in either, just the first they saw.
There was an opening down in between the dungeons, and their final corridor. A small alcove that allowed for the natural sunlight and air from outside to filter into the castle. When Hermione saw them floating ahead she guessed that's how they were let in. Potted plants and decorations in the alcove were on fire. Fire was everywhere she turned it seemed.
Dementors paid no mind to the blazes near them, they were preoccupied by the bodies on the ground below them. 3 Hermione counted, and she bit her lip. They couldn't risk stopping, and Neville's pace was slowing at the sight. "Oh merlin." She heard him mutter in a deathly quiet voice. She jinxed his legs to keep pace, sent expecto patronum the dementor's way. She had to hope it would be enough to keep them away from the bodies.
They trudged on in silence apart from their spell-work. None of them having much to say about what they saw. Hermione knew now. If people weren't already dead, they would be soon.
"We're here." She warned them, and gradually slowed to a jog as they approached the Slytherin common room.
"We can't go there- the Slytherin common room could be crawling with death eaters, Granger." Theo's head whipped back and fourth.
"You can't play both sides forever." They've made it to the bottom of the school, and the spiders had not given up their pursuit all though they have considerable distance now. Hermione had to squint to see them. Theo peered down at her in a calculating manner. "There isn't anywhere else for us to go at this point, i'd rather risk what we find behind this door, than what we know is out here." She jerked her thumb back at the spiders, dementors and certain death.
Theo opened the entrance for them, and they stepped inside just in time. A spider's leg was cut off by the closing of the common room door, and they watched it writhe on the floor until it eventually stopped moving.
"Where's the secret passage Granger?" Theo asked.
-but Hermione didn't answer him because the Slytherin common room was quiet Hermione thought to quiet...
She looked around the room. The black lake cast a murky green glow over the entire room. There were fish swimming above from the glass that had been enchanted to keep the lake out. The china, the vases, the velveteen armchairs, everything seemed to be in place, but something was off. Something was wrong with this picture. Hermione just couldn't quite put her finger as to why
"Hermione-" Neville started to ask her what was wrong, and then from out of the shadows a figure emerged.
Hannah Abbott. She stared at them. Her hair was blonde and she'd always been taller than Hermione, but she was shorter in that moment. Her back was bowed out as if something was being pressed against her spine, that was making her cringe away from it as far as she could.
Neville whirled around and set eyes on her, and he was naively relieved to see her. He doesn't understand what she and Theo do. Hermione leveled her wand at Hannah the same time Theo does. She clutched Mcgonagall's hat with her free hand.
"Hey!" Neville yelled at them both. "It's Hannah. It's just Hannah Abbott."
Hermione took in Hannah's smeared makeup, her torn jumper, the blood slowly seeping into the carpet around her feet, and the subtle apologetic look in her eyes. Every hair on Hermione's body was stood on end.
"She's hurt." Neville cried. "Hannah's hurt we have to help her." He started to walk to her, and Theo grabbed him by the cloak.
"Stop. Neville." Theo warned not taking his eyes off Hannah. "Look."
Hannah wasn't alone. Someone, presumably the person who hurt her, was in the room hidden with them. An invisibility cloak Hermione guessed.
Hannah cringed, and Hermione watched her move her arm from her side. She saw where the blood in the carpet was coming from. There was a large gash in her clothes, and Hannah's side. Intestines were popping out of her wound. Hannah grimaced. Hannah doesn't speak- or she couldn't speak through what Hermione knew had to be an incredible amount of pain.
"Hufflepuff, right? Abbott." Theo spoke but it wasn't for Hannah's benefit. "Wounded Hufflepuff at that- pretty far from your common room aren't you?" Theo's still got a strong hold on Neville who it seemed was slowly understanding the situation.
"Hannah," Hermione addressed her calmly as she could. "how many are there?"
The room could be filled with death eaters for all Hermione knew. All under cloaks of invisibility.
"Hannah-" Neville said as the gravity of the situation hit full force.
Hannah seemed as if she was to remain silent, but in an act of defiance she summoned her strength. "One- behind me." Then Hannah was shoved to the ground by an invisible force, and her tortured cries rang around them. Paralyzing them all.
A masked figure revealed himself only moments later. He laughed, and ground his boot into Hannah's face on the ground. Blood trickled out of her mouth, and Hermione had to force down the urge to vomit at the sight.
"Let her go." Hermione threatened. "It's 3 on one."
Hermione didn't know that Hannah could even be saved at that point, but she had to try. No one should die like this.
"You boy-" The death eater said at Theo. "You're the Nott heir? Are you not?"
Theo's wand arm tightened, and he let go of Neville. "So what if i am."
"I'm not sure what it is you've been up to this day," The death eater looked at Hermione, and Neville glancingly but meaningfully. "-but kill them both, join me, and i shall ensure the Dark lord knows you are a boy of faith and see that he rewards you for your efforts."
Hermione couldn't be sure what Theo was thinking exactly, but she understood enough to know Theo could not have this death eater live to tell this tale. If the death eater reported back Theo could no longer maintain his appearance on Voldemort's side. Everyone would know he had betrayed their cause, he'd be at risk, his family would be at risk.
Theo ignored the offer. He spoke to Hermione next. In low whisper. "Granger. Even if we had the best healer in the world, Abbott won't make it out of here." Hermione bit at her cheek, and her insides felt hard like rock.
No. Hermione thought- don't put this choice on me.
The death eater tried to appeal to them again. "Lower your wands children, and I won't have to hurt your little friend anymore." He took his boot and placed it over Hannah's hand, slowly crunching it, she wailed in pain before collapsing onto the blood soaked carpet again.
It was horrible. Hermione was powerless to stop Hannah's pain. There was only one thing she could do, that she really didn't want to do.
Hermione glanced up to the glass. The black lake. Their escape path was right in front of them, right in their reach. They could make it. Hermione could get Pandora's box out of Hogwarts, and save Astoria. They just couldn't do it with Hannah as a liability.
Hermione looked over Hannah once more hoping perhaps she had mistakenly written her off to soon. Hannah wriggled back to consciousness, met her eyes, and coughed up a globule of blood. "I'm sorry." She somehow managed to choke out. The look she gave Hermione it was...permission.
KILL HER!
Hermione flinched. The voice had sounded so loud, she thought someone else was standing next to her. She searched the room. The voice was feminine, and certainly wasn't Hannah's. It was menacing almost evil sounding, it wanted her to kill Hannah. It was demanding that she kill her. Was that her own conscience? Hermione wondered. Then it came again.
KILL HER NOW REKHYT!
Hermione glanced down at the hat in her arms. Something inside was talking to her- screaming at her. Could it be the box?
Hermione gulped.
That was ridiculous.
It was her imagination, and she would deal with it tomorrow.
Tomorrow was going to be a day Hermione would remember as vividly as today, she was sure. Tomorrow she would be unpacking every horrible act she witnessed today. Tomorrow she was going to have to figure out how to live with herself for this.
Hannah had to die. Hermione tried, she really tried to make herself move her wand and say the words, but she couldn't cast the killing curse. She didn't have the constitution. The other problem was Hermione needed an element of surprise. The death eater wasn't going to stand around and wait for Hermione to plan anything else, there was only one way forward.
"Of course- please just don't hurt her." Neville told the death eater, he was unaware he was the only one in the room who still thought Hannah could make it. "Lower your wands." He told her and Theo. Neville might never going to forgive her for this, Hermione thought.
"Theo," Hermione whispered as lowly as she could. "I can't." And she kept her eyes on Hannah hoping that Theo could understand what she was asking. Making the choice that Hannah wouldn't be leaving this room was hard enough, but Hermione could not bring herself to do the act herself.
"You're mad." Theo whispered back in a somber tone, but he nodded his head. He had agreed, he would kill Hannah so Hermione didn't have to. "On your mark."
Hermione knew it was horrible of her. Forcing the act on Theo, but she wouldn't be able to- and if Theo was that was what had to happen. She couldn't bare the thought of letting Hannah drown, and she needed a distraction because she was going to have to fire off four spells back to back to get them a shot at making it out alive.
Hermione steeled herself, and let everything drift far from her mind except what she needed to do now.
"Lower your wands!" Neville said harshly, and was ignored.
"1-" Hermione began, and the death eater tilted his head wondering what on earth she was doing. Her wand was still aimed his way.
"2-" She said.
"3-" Hermione swiveled her wand at Neville.
"Now, Theo!" At the same time Hermione fired a bubble head charm onto Neville, Theo cast the killing curse and hit Hannah full force.
Hermione didn't see her die, but she heard the terrible little moan escape her lips as she did.
The death eater was stunned momentarily. Hermione cast the bubblehead on Theo next. Then the death eater rushed forward as she pointed her wand to her own face. She cast the spell, and the death eater was a breath away. Then finally her wand pointed up above to the glass.
"Bombarda!" The glass separating them all from the black lake disappeared, and torrents of water streamed into the room.
Neville screamed but she couldn't hear it for the bubbles on their heads, and she watched water crash him against the stone wall of the common room.
Theo was displaced somewhere across the room as well. She could see him swimming for her as hard as he could when she felt two hands wrap around her neck. The death eater was strangling her, her wand must have slipped after the last spell. She couldn't find it, all she could do was grasp onto Mcgonagall's hat. She couldn't get a breath in, and the death eater was barring down on her trying to ensure he didn't die without taking her along.
Theo's to far away and she thought he probably won't make it in time and her head started to spin from the lack of oxygen. She was going to die, she realized.
The thing was that Hermione wasn't contemplating the afterlife or whatever was awaiting her. No rather she contemplated souls, and how maybe it wasn't so bad afterall that things ended here and now. What would a lifetime of hard choices do to her soul? How many Hannah Abbott's would she ask her friends to kill for her if she was left to continue living?
Dying might be the right thing to do.
Her mind was drifting off and she started to think of Harry, and Ron. She let the tightening vice at her throat lie as an afterthought, she ignored it. She focused on her boys. Laughter, and friendship. Those were her final thoughts before the lights began to dim.
...
Then the lights began to brighten again.
Bright blue eyes. Dizzy images of pale skin, and freckles.
Hadn't she let them go? Forgotten them?
No!
No!
Ron. Ron's eyes.
She could never forget them.
She gagged, and her chest felt like it had been set on fire. She threw up what had to be a bucketful of water. Her head was foggy and she didn't feel right.
"Granger." Theo was above her shaking her. His lips were purple, and water was drizzling down his hair. He started to cast a warming charm on her. "Can you get up?"
Hermione tried, but she nearly fell back into the black oblivion for the effort. A sharp slap to her face, and she was blinking up at Theo again. More roused this time. Rocks were digging into her legs, and hands. Her hands- she still had a tight grasp on the hat. She sighed with relief, and she was still trying to get her bearings. Theo was firing off all sorts of statements. None of them hitting home until-
"The Order lost the castle. Bill Weasley is dead."
Theo may as well have stabbed her then, because that's what it felt like hearing those words.
Hermione recalled seeing Bill in the castle just a short while ago- he had looked so strong, and fierce- he couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.
"It was pretty bad." Theo admitted. "The Order is still scrambling, there were alot of people who got hurt- who died."
The Hermione began to cry when she thought of Fleur. Poor pregnant Fleur.
"Neville?" She wept. "I need Neville." She tried to stand and Theo pushed her down.
"You almost died, Granger. Don't move yet. I think there's water in your lungs. I don't think using the thimble right now is a good idea with you like this. Neville's communicating with the Order via patronus, they're sending us help and a healer to get us out of here."
Hermione looked around. They were at the other end of Astoria's secret passageway. Theo must have pulled her from the black lake after she'd lost consciousness.
After what felt like forever the sound of rocks crunching underfoot, and Neville was back. Theo was knee deep in the black lake by that time watching the castle burn. He left her laid on the rocks after he was sure she was warm enough and wouldn't die.
Hermione reached for Neville but he didn't take her hand, rather he looked down at her in silent contemplation shaking his head. "You have a death wish, Hermione."
"Neville i'm-" sorry about Hannah? Sorry i couldn't think of a better plan. There were alot of things she was sorry for, to many to name. So she just shut up instead.
"Hannah was my friend." He told her. "Her death was on me to, i think. I should have fought you harder, seen what you were planning. You could have killed us all you know."
"I know." Hermione answered sadly.
"I think the worst part though of everything is that for a minute you wanted it. You wanted to die, i saw you give up when the death eater had you by the throat. Did you even care if we died to? What kind of a person acts like that?"
Hermione broke out into sobs clutching at a magic hat that she had put before anything or anyone else. Neville was right she hadn't cared if they died with her. The thought hadn't even occurred to her while they faced off with the death eater. Primarily she just wanted to get the hat out of Hogwarts.
Neville walked away from her to stand by the trees. He stared and stared at the black lake like maybe he thought that the ghost of Hannah Abbott was going to surface at any moment, and condemn him. Then he stared at his own 2 hands for a long while, like he didn't recognize them.
Tomorrow Neville would have to learn to live with himself to.
...
December 1997
A week after Hogwarts was lost to them, the Order finally arranged for Hermione to group back up with Harry, Ron, and Ginny. While Hermione had been stuck at a random healers home, the 3 of them had been at the burrow with the rest of the Weasley clan. Mourning Bill.
Hermione thought about using the gift from Bill to reach out to the others, but she couldn't being herself to. Sometimes something so awful happened you couldn't bare to not see the person you loved right in front of you when you talked about it.
The burrow was normally a cheery bubble of warmth, but when Hermione entered the Weasley home it felt colder than when she'd been last.
Molly who normally bustled about fussing over the dishes or laundry could hardly get out of her bed. Arthur just sat in his recliner staring at the family clock. All the hands but one of them pointing to home.
Fleur had become so hysterical after the news about Bill was broken to her she went into labor. From what Hermione understood she was recovering at her family's villa in France, and would not be able to attend Bill's funeral.
Hermione wondered if that was even the best word for it. Didn't you need a body for a funeral? There wouldn't be one for Bill's that was certain.
Voldemort had killed him in a duel. His body was badly battered, and defiled- no one had told Hermione this of course. No one needed to. It had been in the paper. After Hogwarts fell they published a photo of Voldemort standing in the great hall, Bill's corpse at his feet looking like the sort of horror Stephen King wrote about. His skin was already purpled and mottled. His clothing soaked in blood, and the only distinguishing feature really left was his bright red hair.
The Order would take weeks to properly recover, maybe even months. Hermione was quieted by older Order members when she asked to much, so she couldn't be sure just how devastated this left their side.
Mcgonagall was named Moody's new second in command. If he died, she took over next. Hermione tried to be glad for that she knew at least with Mcgonagall she had lee way and ground to stand, but it just felt like Moody would be replacing himself with a more feminine version of himself.
Hermione didn't know what to say to any of them. The Weasley's. There were no words.
Hermione was an only child, she didn't couldn't understand what they were all feeling. She just tried her best to give sympathy and comfort when she could.
Ron, and Ginny didn't say much in those days. It was mostly Harry and Hermione. They planned for after Bill's funeral when they could finally start the horcrux hunt and hopefully put an end to Voldemort for good. They made lists of books and supplies they thought they may need Hermione put them in her book and Ron and Ginny were always within listening distance but they had nothing to add it seemed.
Harry and Hermione had a brief but remarkable exchange one night as they laid the hunt plans.
"Moody says the supplies will be limited, that they can spare. We may have to get creative, while were gone." Harry said when Hermione asked if he knew which Order members might be able to supply them healing tonics and potions at the moment.
"You mean steal?"
Harry shrugged. "So?"
"I'm not inclined to stealing." Hermione advised.
"Well i'm not inclined to starving to death." Harry countered.
"Don't you think stealing is beneath us? The Order?" Hermione tried to reason.
"They don't have the resources to spare, we will make it by just fine on our own, Hermione."
"So should we stoop to their level completely? Let's just round up all the death eaters we can find and execute them without trial while were at it." Hermione scribbled furiously at the paper she'd been using for her supply list. Hermione would have to secure things on her own clearly because-
"Fine by me." Harry declared. Hermione's hand froze on the paper. He wasn't kidding. "If you wanted to act noble you shouldn't have signed up for a war."
Her lips pursed, and she excused herself to the bathroom.
What the fuck was that? How could Harry say something like that. Then she remembered it was Moody's company he had been in for months. His ideals were infectious, a disgusting disease. Hermione loathed the commander even more.
Would this happen to her? Would she slowly become helpless to the shrinking up of her own conscience? Hermione hated the thought of any of Voldemort's ideals becoming normalized to her.
Was it to late to form the new Order? She wondered? Was her generation capable of making the change? She was so disheartened by the exchange with Harry she didn't dare reveal that Pandora's box was in her possession. He was liable to go running straight to Moody.
Bill's funeral was at the burrow of course. The grave marker would be in the garden behind the home. People from all over the country came to pay their respects. Percy miraculously had managed to get Molly out of the bed right before the service began. She held herself together bravely until they lowered the empty casket into the ground. Arthur took her back inside while the service finished.
People close to Bill gave speeches. Only one of them made Hermione cry.
Moody spent all of his time referring to Bill as a soldier to be remembered, and how glorious his death was. Was it? Was it glorious? Hermione had wanted to scream.
Mcgonagall sat next to her until it was her turn to speak. She recalled how Bill was an adept student, always turned his essays in on time, and how very proud she was to have him as her student.
Hermione wondered if this was the sort of bull shit people would say at her own funeral.
Then the final speech, and the one that made her cry was Ron's. He remarked on his older brother, and his keen ability to be just that an older brother. Ron spoke about how Bill taught him to ride a broom, gave him his first chocolate galleon, and not a dry eye was in the house by the time Ron began to talk to the empty casket. And thank it for everything.
"...Here's to no more yesterdays or tomorrows big brother." Then Ron swallowing the lump in his throat walked back into the house instead of taking his seat again.
Hermione wanted to go to him, to comfort him. She knew when he needed her he would come to her.
She was right to because that evening after all the mourners were gone, and everyone in the house was asleep. She heard a light tapping at her door.
It was Ron.
Hermione was meant to share Ginny's room with her but she snuck out hours ago to be wherever Harry was.
"We lost Bill." Ron whispered with tears gathering in his blue eyes. Hermione pulled him tight against her.
They spent the evening holding each other on Hermione's cot. She stroked his hair, and she wished very badly to take away his pain, but that wasn't something she was capable of. No one was.
The dead did not rise.
Hermione had been careful to that point. With her and Ron.
There were almost a dozen times she could recall while they'd been at Hogwarts where they almost went all the way.
Stolen moments in broom closets, and beneath the quidditch stands. Wandering hands. They had never declared it aloud what this was, but they both knew it was love. Something about it being unspoken made it more romantic. She didn't have to tell Ron how she felt, and he didn't have to tell her. They never felt the need to tell other people either. If other people knew, they knew.
The truth was what held her back was always fear of the future. In the back of her mind she always ended up pulling away, before things went to far, because she worried what might happen if they did.
It was such an unpredicatble thing, the future. But Bill's death was a harsh reminder that there was only so much time here. There were only so many yesterdays, and tomorrows.
She thought again of Fleur. Then she decided.
For the very first time, she gave herself to Ron in the quiet witching hour, and in return he gave himself back to her.
It was clumsy, but it felt almost sacred to be under the same sheets with him somehow.
Hermione didn't know what tomorrow held for any of them but she knew she'd regret it forever if she died without knowing Ron in every way there was.
It would be a far greater thing to have had than to never have known.
...
Cold hands were wrapped around her arms, and Hermione was being shaken violently.
Then she was staring up into Grey eyes, and Malfoy was shoving a wand into her hand.
"What-" She struggled to grind out. Her skin was slick with sweat, and she felt entirely dazed. Like she had slept for an entire day or more.
"We have to go. At once."
But-" She eyed the wand. Why would he give her that?"
"I'm trusting you not to try anything clever. The Death eaters are coming, they know that they've been betrayed by us. If we work together maybe the 4 of us will see sunrise."
Hermione couldn't care less about her captors safety, truly it would be a miracle if Malfoy, Ron, and Fleur all just dropped dead. Hermione had a wand now. She could at least defend herself again.
Then again would that satisfy her voice? Would Cleopatra still need her help. Hermione was unlcear on exactly who or how many enemies the queen had.
Hermione gulped. "4 of us?" She looked around.
"Fleur and Ron are outside." As soon as he's said it Ron's head popped in.
"Get her ready to run, they're almost here." His voice was gruff and commanding. He spared Hermione a glance. He looked at her still sat on the bed. He crossed the room, summoned a pair of boots, shoved them on her feet, and pulled her to stand. It looked like he was about to walk away, but then he pulled the cloak from his own shoulders and wrapped it tightly around her, with the hood up. "It's freezing out." He said then it was just her and Malfoy again.
He pulled a silver thimble out of the cabinet. Another portkey... she didn't like that. The last time she took a portkey Draco Malfoy had offered her did not end well for her. He shoved her book into her hands.
Should she stay? And face imminent death? Should she trust Malfoy? Should she try to come up with a way to attack him, a way around Ron's commands?
-but then the first cannon blast she'd heard since the night Malfoy sent her here rung out. And to her horror it was closer much closer.
She decided she wanted to live. If only to get to the bottom of all of this.
She'd spent the last couple of days wondering who Ron was now after his 3 years serving the Dark lord. Now though what she desperately wanted to know was who exactly she had been before Ron turned dark?
Hermione Granger always seemed to have secrets. She kept many of them for her friends. Only now she realized, she'd been keeping them from herself to. But why?
Was Voldemort coming she wondered. Or was it just the death eaters?
Malfoy pulled her out of the tent behind himself.
"Run! And keep up." He told her.
They dashed together through formations of rocks and trees. They passed Ron as he dueled no less than 5 death eaters by himself with ease. Red and green lights soared through the area and lit up the forest like a Christmas tree.
"Get her out of here!" Ron bellowed behind them.
As they ran to the boundary, Fleur appeared. She had a silk blue top with silver embellishments stitched into it. She looked like cinderella fleeing the ball. While Hermione stared at her a jinx flew her way, Fleur shoved her aside and took it on the shoulder. She screamed in agony, and collapsed.
"Don't stop running!" Malfoy screamed at Hermione, and she hadn't, Fleur could stay in the dirt for all she cared at that moment. She hated them all, Hermione didn't care what happened to them. Once she hit the boundary line she could just apparate.
Then Hermione stumbled over a fucking branch sticking out of the ground. Malfoy caught up with Fleur in his arms. "Fucking go!" He vanished the branch, and Hermione sprung back up. Now he was ahead of her again.
She could hear heavy boots in the distance, death eaters were closing in even though she couldn't see them. Her heart was thundering, and she readied herself. She could see it now. The boundary.
Curses were flying, and it was hard for Hermione to think straight suddenly because she heard a man howl out in pain from far behind them. It sounded like Ron... she paused right as she hit the boundary.
Malfoy was fast as lightening. He grabbed her cloak pulled her to his side, and activated the portkey. The woods whirled around Hermione, and she felt the tug at her navel, and then she was elsewhere, and Ron was gone.
…
"Percy!" Someone was screaming. "Percy!"
Hermione had her face pressed into the dirt, and her eye on one side was caked in it. She hadn't landed gracefully after the portkey activated. She pushed herself up.
She picked her book up, and wiped away the dirt.
Malfoy was waving his wand over Fleur. Her shoulder was sliced to ribbons, and bleeding profusely.
Hermione looked up, and just ahead of them she saw 2 things.
The first was a large wooden sign, with the words reliquae animarum in latin or remaining souls house etched into it. The second was a small looking cottage style house. It had a red door, and smoke coming from the chimney.
Another safe house Hermione guessed. Then a man with brilliant red hair stepped out onto the front porch. Hermione couldn't decide if it was more shocking to see Percy Weasley right then, or if perhaps seeing 4 children toddle out after him.
Percy made the children wait on the porch, and he jogged down to where they were.
"Draco-" Percy said coming to a complete halt when he spotted Hermione near the sign. He jerked his wand up, and looked at her nastily. So Hermione pulled hers to. "Does she remember?" Percy demanded staring Hermione down with hatred she didn't understand.
"Leave her." Draco said. "Fleur is hurt and i don't know the spell to counter." Percy seemed unsure for a moment, then he turned his back to Hermione and set to help Malfoy.
Hermione with nothing better to do looked back at the porch. There were 4 children. 3 with red hair, that Hermione doesn't recognize but the last is icy blonde. Hermione knows that child.
Cassi. Malfoy's heir.
She wasn't sure if the little girl remembered her or not but she was giving Hermione scrupulous looks with her little arms crossed.
The children as children are seem to be oblivious to the fact thay Fleur is bleeding on the ground. None of them seem panicked or worried. Or-
Hermione's inner voice queen bitch herself speaks up- they are used to the carnage, because it's all they've known.
Oh great? Hermione answered back sarcastically. You here for another chat?
Hermione paced around the sign, and vaguely saw that Fleur had regained consciousness. Percy and Malfoy were helping her up.
You should have killed them both when you had the chance, Cleopatra scolded her.
Hermione eyes the kids on the porch. They were swinging around the banisters laughing.
I have this thing you should know about me. I don't kill people in front of kids. It's sort of a hard line for me.
Then Hermione pushed her back, but before she went into the recesses of Hermione's mind she said you might be sorry later on that you didn't Rekhyt. It was like a threat and promise rolled into one.
Hermione followed the brigade up the driveway.
Draco's daughter rushed forward, when his foot hit the step and wrapped her tiny fists around his neck when he bent to scoop her up. Percy carried on with Fleur. The two older red heads, followed and now Hermione could see who they were. Bill's sons.
Fleur's children didn't pounce on her until she was on the couch relaxing comfortably. Her would stable. Then suddenly they were all over her. Kissing and hugging her, worrying over her bloody clothes.
Hermione watched on feeling unwelcome. She had been wishing these kids parents dead not even an hour ago, she didn't want to see this domestic bliss part of their lives.
Draco was still on the porch with Cassi. He was gentler with her than she'd ever seen him be with anyone. Daphne, and Fleur included. His little girl was his whole world. It was obvious.
Hermione made to go inside but Percy stopped her. "Wait." Then he looked at Malfoy. "When she steps inside-"
"There's no helping it now, there was no where else to take her." Malfoy said and he carried Cassi inside setting her down carefully.
The youngest is another red headed boy. When she was far away she didn't see it, but up close he's like Ron's twin.
He noticed her staring at him, and he crossed the porch to wrap his tiny arms around one of her legs. One hand drifts upward to tug at the cloak. Ron's cloak.
"Dada." He babbled. Hermione didn't know what to do push him off or let him be. Everyone in the room was staring at her.
Is this- could this be- did Ron lie to her? He said he couldn't have children. The boy was his exact copy though. Except the eyes, they were completely the wrong color.
"Dada?" the boy grinned up at Hermione, and was making 'pick me up' motions with his arms.
"He'll be along shortly, very shortly." Draco lied. He had no way to know if Ron was alive or dead.
Liars. All of them. This boy was Ron's son clearly. She peered down at him wondering who his mother was. And if Hermione would have to meet her.
The boy had been kept hidden very well, so well Hermione hadn't known he existed. She peered around everyone was still watching but Percy was downright glowering at her. She wondered if there was something she had done to him personally, because he seemed to like her even less than the others.
"Come away from her, Harry." Percy called to his nephew, and reluctnatly the boy did, but not without first squeezing around her legs tight one last time for a hug. Hermione couldn't help herself she ran a delicate finger across the boys cheek, she was sort of enchanted by him. His innocence, how he looked so much like his father. Hermione didn't know if it was touching Ron named his son for Harry, or disturbing. Probably a bit of both she settled on. "Better get her inside already." Percy said to Malfoy who nodded.
Hermione was not sure what to do with herself. So she fiddled with the book nervously. They were all watching as if something were about to happen.
Something extraordinary or miraculous.
Eventually Malfoy began to guide her inside the house. She didn't understand what the fuss was, she raised one booted foot-
The book fell out of her hands.
It was like sledding down a mountain into a brick wall. All sound stilled around her, and a great wave overtook her as impact settled in her bones.
When both her feet had went over the threshold, she dropped to her knees. Not with pain, but with utter shock.
Hermione remembered now. She remembered it all.
Her gaze flew up to meet 3 of the last members of the new Order. Her mouth hung agape dumbly, and she couldn't speak. Fleur, Malfoy. Even Percy who a moment ago seemed to want her gone were now smiling at her.
"There she is." Malfoy grinned down at her. "That's Hermione."
Fleur was on the couch with her giggly little boys. Fred and George. Hermione had met them, when they were very little after their dad had died. Cassi was watching her with her father's imperious eyes, and Hermione smiled at her. She smiled back, she remembered Hermione a little bit.
Then Hermione landed on Harry. Little Harry. His eyes lit up when she held her hands out to him. He rushed forward, and Hermione gathered him up in her arms squeezing tight and uttering choking sobbing noises. It was overwhelming.
She was still at the doors threshold, and Malfoy began to help her up, but she didn't let go of Harry. She held him tight, and nestled close to smell the top of his head. Just like she remembered. He really did have his father's eyes. As green as any grass. Bright as Harry Potter's ever were.
Ron had done most of what he promised he would. He had cared for and protected the boy, better than she probably could have. She kissed the tops of Harry's cheeks, as he wrapped his fingers in her hair.
This was what she fought the war for. The next generation. And here they were.
Her legs felt wobbly, but she was standing upright.
Hermione realized. It was the house. It was the house, the enchantments here allowed her to remember it all. She had set them all herself before Ron took her memories. She couldn't even hear Cleopatra, she was so far bannished in Hermione's mind. It was like she didn't exist anymore.
Her plan was going accordingly. To almost every last detail. This room was supposed to be more full than this. Ginny. Harry. Neville. They weren't supposed to die.
Hermione had only just stepped further into the house when she heard the door open again. All doubts of Ron's fate were gone. There he was in the doorway. Blood, and grime streaked down his face. He was as handsome as ever.
Their eyes met, and it was all unspoken. But they said a million words in that instant.
I'm sorry. I missed you. I love you...
"Dada." Harry cooed, and began to put his arms out for the man who had raised him.
"It was never us that went wrong was it Ron? All this time i thought it was us, i thought it was our fault's the Order tanked. But it wasn't our fault was it? The Order would have died sooner than it did without us. They were always doomed because of Moody, and Mcgonagall. The golden trio was valiant, and smart, and loyal. We were good." Hermione told him and everyone else in the room. Now they were all watching her and Ron. Waiting. Expecting. "It was the Order that went wrong."
Ron had a devilish smirk on his face all of a sudden.
"Hermione Granger." Ron paused. "Are you an Order member?"
"No." She said proudly. "I'm not."
Ron simply nodded.
"Well. All-right then. It looks like it's time for that last phase of your plan." Ron approached carefully, not breaking eye contact. "Looks like you and I are going to have one last adventure with an old friend." And he patted little Harry's head, before wrapping an arm around them both.
He put his head against Hermione's and she felt those little stirrings. The butterflies in her stomach. Ron wasn't occluding at all, in that moment he was her Ron entirely again.
Then what everyone in the room had been waiting for. Ron kissed her fully, and deeply. The butterflies went wild, and Hermione kissed back eagerly. He smelled of smoke and ash. The room was alight with the children's laughter, and the adults clapping. She was finally home here with Ron, and she rememered. She remembered how much she loved him. She wanted to spend a lifetime with him there, but there was work to still be done to make it happen. She pulled back reluctanty, and Hermione glanced an oval mirror on the wall behind Ron. Her reflection was the same as it had been.
Except for the fact her muddy amber eyes of yesterday, were now pitch black.
End of volume 1.
Author's note: Wowww. Done. Volume 1 done. Glad to bring the part of the story i'm referring to as 'Remembering'. Volume 2 'Midway' volume 3 'Finale'. In volume 2 we pick right back up and dive into more of the lost memories. When we get to volume 3 that is quite literally the wrap up and will be set in present Hermione's time only as at that point she will have her memories back permanently. Life update- lol i'm like super pregnant rn. I know. After my twins died i didn't think i wanted to try again, but i found that i did after some healing and deep reflection on myself and what i wanted for my life. That being said this pregnancy is high risk, and i get to live at the hospital for quite awhile towards the end of it. Yay (sarcastically said) but the bright side of that is i will have some downtime to focus on volume 2. Additionally i had some interest in someone being my beta on here i'll be reaching out to that individual first, if they are no longer available i'll open talks to others interested. Well i hope you enjoyed and felt relieved with the answers you got for some of the burning questions in this work. Keep in mind i'm not going to tell you everything rn. Were only on volume 1 guys, got to keep coming back for more if you want ALL the answers! (Bittersweet symphony was all i listened to as i busted this out)
xoxo catstclaire
ps you can find me on insta @furreverbindery if you want, i'll occasionally talk about my projects there and some sneak peak material