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Day 28. The cookies were lovely
From: Kevin KR
To: Spock's_cuddlebunny
Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01
Subject: Thank You for the cookies
No lawyers needed. Also my girlfriend's mom terrifies me.
I got the chocolate and the cookies. Desi tried to eat one, but she was given mashed pears instead. Most of which got in my hair. Pictures attached. You can thank Liz for that. She's taking a ridiculous amount of pictures of everything her niece does. It's kind of cute.
I'm okay. Okay, I cried on Liz like twice during sex, but I'm okay. Mostly.
I miss my parents. I loved my parents, but if Tarsus didn't happen, I wouldn't be here, and I love you and mom and Liz. I have a good life right now. If things were different, none of you would be here with me. Sometimes that makes me feel guilty. Survivor's guilt is a very fucked up thing or at least that's what my therapist on campus says. I think that's mostly what I'm feeling right now.
I wonder if Josephine is going through something similar. If she wasn't at Disneyland of Georgia, she could very well have been in that car. Maybe she's thinking if she was there, the tree thing wouldn't have happened. The mind of a preteen is a very scary place, especially when the guilt is bad enough.
I haven't heard from her. Liz hasn't either. That concerns us both. We're both going to write her today. We will use the screwed up communication system as cover.
Things with mom are still stable. I'm terrified that things are going to get unstable because we're just days from the anniversary of Sam's death. And I don't know if she can take the anniversary in her current state. I was really afraid we were going to have a relapse on your real birthday.
Everything that happened related to Sam's murder was bad. Everything that happened on Tarsus was bad, but what they did to your brother was just barbaric. I saw it happen and I just don't want to remember. He was so good to us little kids. Keeping us safe. Without him, or your mom, I don't think I would still be alive. Okay I know wouldn't be alive. So these are the bad days.
Then I kissed Liz and I play the bunny game with Desi and it's okay. I don't feel like I'm going to start crying at any moment. So I guess that's a plus. Midterm absolutely suck and I hate that they fall during this high stress time for me, but I'll get through it. It's definitely easier to get through it this year than last, because I have Liz.
Also, knowing that you're up there trying to keep a repeat from happening makes it a little easier. You keep doing what you need to do to keep Starfleet being what it needs to be.
I'm kind of a mess right now but I'm okay. Be good and come back to me. I love you, big brother.
From: Kevin KR
To: kitten_loverJJMU
Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01
Subject: So how are things going for you?
Hey, I thought I would check in with you to see how things were going. Did you get my last email? I was worried that maybe you did not get it because Jim said there were some technical problems with incoming non-Starfleet messages. Apparently you're getting farther and farther out into space so it could be like a week before you actually get this email if you get this email. So I hope they're actually coming through.
Anyway I thought I would write you as a distraction. Yesterday was the anniversary of when my parents died. No drunk driving accident, but I saw it happening so this whole time of year is kind of an emotional stress for me. I mean it's better this year because I have Liz and Winona is having a good couple of weeks at least.
That said, this is still a painful time of the year. I miss my parents. I love my adopted family. They are great, even though Jim can be an idiot sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't miss my birth parents because I do. Having the new thing doesn't replace what you lost. It's just a new thing to ground you.
Other than Liz and now you, I don't have that many people I can talk about that type of loss with. I mean Jim knows what it's like to lose a parent, but he was a baby. Also I don't think he feels the survivor's guilt. He doesn't ask himself why he's still here and they are not. At least not with his dad. Maybe he asked himself those questions about Sam or even Chris. I don't know. And maybe I'm afraid to ask. The anniversary of Sam's murder is coming up soon and Jim and I have a really tough time talking about our feelings. Ask Uncle Jim about the hissy fit I threw before his human wedding last summer. It took the intervention of one of Spock's grandparents to get me to stop being an idiot.
We're trying to work on their interpersonal communications. It's 50-50.
Also on top of all the emotional stuff, I have midterms. Midterms! God, I hate the Academy sometimes. Only two more years after this semester and that's only because I'm not taking a suicide course load. Jim was a masochist.
Since this is such a high stress time of the year for me, I could use a distraction. Please provide me with a distraction. What crazy antics are my brother and his husband doing that you can tell me? I think a lot of the stuff that he's doing is a little on the mature side and I hope you don't know yet. You should enjoy being a kid. I didn't quite get that because of things that will probably be redacted from your history class. Maybe that's a good thing.
Anyway write back when you can.
Xxx
From: Elizabeth_Chen
To: kitten_loverJJMU
Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01
Subject: Isn't my niece adorable.
Hey, I thought I would send you the latest pictures of Demora being cute. We can all use more cute baby pictures. Yes, she covered my boyfriend in what I think is supposed to be applesauce or some other fruit-based product, but she was so cute doing it. Doesn't she just make you smile? I'm sure you could use it.
So are all your classmates still assholes? I've heard things from Jim, but nothing from you. Did you even get my last email? I've been told you guys have been having outside communications issues which is sad because you need some outside contact. Have you been in touch with any of your old friends from Georgia?
Anyway, write back when you have a chance. I'm sure classes are getting busy. I'm in the middle of midterm madness and my niece keeps drooling on my class PADD. Thankfully, the thing is baby drool proof.
Xxxx
From: kitten_loverJJMU
To: Elizabeth_Chen; Kevin KR
Time Sent: 3/18/2260 16:21:51
Subject: I'm okay-ish
I'm hoping it's okay if I email both of you at the same time. Thank you for the pictures. They were adorable.
I got your email and the one before. I just didn't feel like responding. I like being on the ship. I just don't like the other teenagers. I don't know why I couldn't be here alone. One person is enough for a trial program, right? I'm eating lunch with mom and dad whenever possible. At least this way I don't have to worry about classmates putting laxatives in my food. Jay is the only one of my classmates that talks to me at all and not in class or in front of his other friends which is annoying.
Also I don't have any friends in Georgia anymore because they couldn't be bothered to write me even though I sent them all really nice Christmas presents. I'm not going to try to write someone who doesn't want to stay in touch.
Kevin, so even though it's been more than a decade you still miss your mom and dad? Is it the same for you, Liz? Does it get easier with time or does it still feel like something is missing. Do you forget sometimes that they are dead? Sometimes I wish I could just tell Mom what's happening here, but if she was alive I wouldn't even be here so it's just silly to have that desire, yet I do. I guess this is probably something I should write about in my therapy Journal.
From: Spock's_cuddlebunny
To: Kevin KR
Time arrived: 3/18/2260 22:39:01
Subject: Re: Thank You for the cookies
Not one second of Tarsus was your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty that you survived and that you're living your life now. I think that's what your parents would've wanted. I think that's what Sam would have wanted for me too, to be happy. We are happy. We are with people who love us, baggage and all.
I know it's hard for us to talk about it, but you know I'm here. Don't be afraid to tell me what's really going on.
Love you too.
To be continued