Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely great. More diary entries from Josephine. I ended up going back and adding this conversation after writing a few of the days that took place afterwards because I felt like something was missing. It's shorter than what I've been posting lately, but important.
Day 39: Maybe It Does Get Better
Dear Diary:
Ashley 2 talked to me today. Not yelled at me or said nasty things to me to make herself look better in front of her fake friends (it's obvious they are fake), but an actual conversation. Granted she asked me about Uncle Jim and if she could trust him, but I still count that as a conversation. I assured her that most of the rumors about Uncle Jim were not true and yes, she can trust him. He and Uncle Spock are good uncles who actually care about me. They are definitely better than my actual aunt who waited a month to write to me. I'm in the middle of nowhere, she should make the first move. Then again, it wasn't like she really checked in before.
I've discovered that members of the crew are almost as bad as the Ashleys when it comes to gossip, which is why there are so many rumors floating around about my own goals. Apparently, I'm invisible because they have no trouble talking about my family when I'm in earshot, which is why I know all the ridiculous stuff they're saying. I really didn't want to know that my dad got my mommy Nyota pregnant because she was drugged with fertility medication against her will.
Of course most of the mean things they are saying are about Uncle Jim and I know none of it's true. Allegedly, he lost his captaincy, because he's a closet alcoholic. I know closet alcoholics, I was raised by one. Uncle Jim is not a closet alcoholic. I haven't seen him drink anything since I started living with dad. They didn't even do spiked eggnog at Christmas, which Mister Scott complained about. Come to think of it, dad doesn't drink anymore either.
Also Uncle Jim is not the ship slut, and neither is my mom. Mommy Nyota loves dad and I think the only reason why they're not married is because I think she's afraid she doesn't want to say that out loud. Of course this isn't the first time I have heard mom Nyota referred to as a slut. Other mom told her that word a lot before she crashed into a tree because she loves alcohol more than me.
Also, no way uncle Jim had a three way with the "Kitty cat twins" when he was already kind of married to Uncle Spock by that point. They definitely love each other, so I don't think uncle Jim would be with someone else.
Mister Sulu backed me up on that since he overheard Ashley 2 tell me about that rumor. He told us both that it was rude to repeat rumors that were probably untrue. Of course after that Ashley 2 said something to him in Japanese that I didn't understand. That's when he started blushing a lot and then told her that whatever he does in his personal life is his business as long as everybody consents to what's going on. Of course after that conversation, Ashley kind of accidentally broke a practice dummy. I feel like there's a story there.
In addition to spending time with Mister Sulu, I'm getting to spend time with Uncle Spock because we are doing Vulcan lessons again. I like spending time with him. Especially because it's one-on-one. Unlike the fencing lessons which have become a small class. Although Jay is not ignoring me, even though Ashley 2 is in our class, so I guess that's progress.
Kevin wrote back a couple of days ago which is nice. Margarita says I need to write back at the very least, to be polite, but I want to wait a couple of days to see if he told mom and Jim what I told him. I don't think he did, even if I'm sure Spock knows.
Spock is the Captain, of course he's going to figure it out. Kevin and Spock really don't like each other that much or at least mom thinks that Kevin doesn't like Spock very much. Apparently something happened at the wedding. It wouldn't surprise me if Uncle Spock knew, though, because Vulcan kids are really cruel, so he probably knows all the signs.
The other reason why I want to wait a little while before I talk to Kevin again is maybe I'm hoping that things will get better and I want to be able to report some good news. I mean my PADD hasn't turned up missing since the announcement of movie night so I'm hopeful. Of course I'm used to being disappointed. So why should now be any different.
Speaking of disappointments, I mentioned before that my aunt finally wrote to check in after a month of nothing. I'm not surprised. That's what she always does. Now she feels guilty about not doing anything before when other mom was alive and drinking. What good is guilt now? She knew and didn't do anything. She knew and she didn't try to stop her sister from drinking herself into a tree? She knew how I was being treated and she didn't get me out of the house. She knew and didn't tell dad or his lawyers. So why should she act like she cares now? Because it's obvious she doesn't.
Dr. Margarita keeps telling me that I'm a kid and it wasn't my responsibility to stop my mom's drinking. She was an adult. She could have done something. If not, about the drinking than about how I was being treated. In therapy, I'm learning that what was happening back then wasn't okay. She said she didn't know it was that bad. Really? You didn't know? Did you not see the same fridge full of special punch that I did? Did you not see the recycling bin full of bottles? Did you not know that I was only allowed to talk to my dad once a year under court supervision before he got better lawyers?
I don't want to talk to her right now or at all. I'm sure I will eventually, but not yet.
To be continued.