Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. Your comments keep the creative juices flowing.

A/N: I've read through some of the early chapters of Dear James recently and realize I made a slight continuity error regarding Dr. Suarez being a contractor. In Dear James, she tell Nyota an email that she did join Starfleet again. So I'm going to try to reconcile that.

Day 45: Never Mention April 1 Again

From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

To: Spock's_cuddlebunny

Subject: I'm proud of your progress

Time arrived: 4/04/2260 00:00:01

You have no idea how proud I am that you can actually talk about what happened to you in an email. That is testament to how much progress you've made over the years and shows me that you have come to terms with a lot of the things that happen to you. I'm very happy that you've managed to get to that point. Because of that progress, I think you might be able to guide the young people under your care to a place of healing. The fact that you want to help them with that healing process is encouraging.

It's not that hard to get a contractor. If you haven't found somebody by now, ask your husband. I'm sure he did it a few times before because I wasn't the only contractor last time. Due to the staffing shortages caused by the battle of Vulcan, contractors were used to fill any position that did not need to be performed by an officer like a ship's counselor. (Although, because I am retired Starfleet I wasn't a true contractor until recently. I was more like a WAE when I was on your ship which is why they could reassign me to new Vulcan. For a while, Marcus had me convinced I was back, but now I know better.) Spock would definitely know or you could just talk to HR. They're supposed to help you with staffing issues. They should've already mentioned the possibility to you.

Yes, really Nhi Pike does know everything. And she is wonderful. Even though she's not your Admiral, you can go to her with this. I'm sure she would be able to help if you're afraid to show weakness to your HR team because you're afraid they're going to gossip about you. Will gossip about you more than they already are. The rumor about you losing the captaincy of Enterprise due to a drinking problem has traveled far enough that even I've heard it and I'm on the New Vulcan colony right now.

I don't think a captain has ever functioned as their own science officer, but I wouldn't be surprised if your husband tried. Have you considered scheduling him some lab hours? He can have science time and you can have some bridge time making you both happy boys. Happy co-captains are good co-captains.

You also need to focus on deescalating the tensions between Captain and Chief Science Officer before HR needs to get involved. Maybe you could schedule a dinner or some sort of team building exercise for your Captain and Chief Science Officer. I attach the top 10 list to this email. They need to work together and as first officer, it's your job to make sure that they can. Margarita may have other ideas, but you should bring her in, or you can talk to HR. Do we need to discuss why you are afraid of HR?

So I'm fairly certain that emails from the colony are probably taking at least a week or more to get to you. Since it's been that long, I would like to know if you've made any progress with the children since your last email? Did you talk to Margarita? She's there to help.

Anyway keep me posted. I really want to know how you're handling everything. Just because I turned you over to Margarita, doesn't mean I don't care. I will always worry about you.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Subject: Re: I'm proud of your progress

Time sent: 4/04/2260 06:03:01

I totally agree that these messages are probably taking way too long to get here, but I'm not sure how long it's taking. The email system is evil. Instead of telling me when you emailed the message, the timestamp is for time arrived, which was one second after midnight today, April 4. That makes absolute total sense.

I thought I was making some progress and then April Fools' Day happened a few days ago. I guess I should be happy that I wasn't specifically targeted, targeted by any of the good kids anyway. Jeremy took a few shots at me, but Jeremy is an idiot. Thankfully I know to use an allergy detecting tricorder on any so-called apology gift or anything else for that matter (thanks, ice cream diplomacy incident). Unfortunately, Bobbi from the science department does not. More on that nightmare that is forcing me to spend way too much time with HR in a moment.

I'm not bitter about it because Jeremy currently has no eyebrows. Also, the entire ship was emailed the video file of him wandering around the halls in Hobgoblin underwear. Of course the guy identifies with the villains. And his skin is blue right now, Smurf blue. Or if we are keeping with the Marvel theme, Kree blue.

Okay, I found the entire thing hilarious, but it took me like five minutes to find out who did it. I'm supposed to punish them, but I really don't want to because again Jeremy's an idiot. Also, it's not like anything they did caused serious physical damage or hospitalization. That's more than I can say for some of the adults.

Poor Lieutenant Morris. Her evil ex-boyfriend reprogrammed the replicator to add allergens to her breakfast that morning. Except he screwed up and added it to everybody's breakfast. Five people ended up in Sickbay. Allergy detecting tricorders for everyone.

She's going to be OK because she always carries an allergy hypo with her. Although I hate doing the paperwork for an attempted murder. There's going to be a court-martial. You know there's going to be a court-martial. So really blue and eyebrows free Jeremy is like the least of my problems at the moment.

And yes, this means spending quality time in HR and no, I don't like spending quality time in HR because everybody down there thinks that I was horribly underqualified to be appointed a captain in the first place. So yes, you were right. Actually several of them think that I was only appointed Chris's acting first officer in the first place because I was fucking him. They actually thought I wouldn't hear what they were saying, but I did.

They been positively giddy over the demotion. Even though if they read the damn paperwork, they would know that I wasn't actually demoted and I voluntarily chose to function as my husband's first officer. I did what I did because I want Spock to have everything he deserves. Also, my family is a little screwed up and I need the flexibility to deal with things if they blow up, but things seem to be going okay.

Still no new teacher and as mentioned above, I like to give HR as few reasons to believe their own false perceptions of me as possible. I've been looking for a while and there's just not anybody really qualified. OK there are lots of qualified professionals because at some point in your Starfleet career, you will end up teaching at the Academy. However, anybody with any teaching experience whatsoever is not applying.

Apparently, the rumor mill is aware of what Jeremy and the two evil Ashleys can do. I'm pretty sure the Ashleys were the ones who completely destroyed most of my clothes in Spock's wardrobe. Like every shirt. The quartermaster thinks Spock did it all probably during sex. It is so embarrassing. So contractor here we come. Spock explained what I need to do (after he explained your strange employment status when they were on ship), but I'm still going to ask Nhi if she knows of any possible candidates.

Oh I guess I should mention the not evil Ashley is coming around. We're kind of doing a mini support group with me, her, and Becky, Carol's wife. We are all survivors of sexual assault. Ashley 2 even knows what happened to me.

It's been good for Ashley 2 and she starting to come out of her shell and even talking about her own trauma. OK she's not torturing Josephine anymore. I guess that's all I can really hope for. She told Josephine what the other Ashleys were planning which meant none of their pranks worked out and both Ashleys' currently have purple hair. I have no idea how that happened and I'm so busy investigating the prank that landed multiple people in Sickbay that I don't have time to find out who programmed the replicator to add purple die to their shampoo.

Next time we hang out, I'll talk to Becky about maybe setting up a play date with our spouses. How the hell did I turn out to be the responsible one in my marriage? I did not expect that to happen.

I'll write you again soon, probably even before I get a response back. We are getting close to the anniversary of Amanda's death and when I found out about Sam. It feels like we're just going from one anniversary to another from January until June. I am not looking forward to the first anniversary of Chris's death or my death for that matter. That's going to be hard to deal with.

I got mom and Kevin cookie bouquets which were a hit. However, I feel like doing something like that for Spock would be like getting him a bottle of Jack which is not something I probably should do. I am completely open to suggestions on how to deal with all of this.

OK now I need to write Nhi about a contractor and Spock pie needs my full attention for breakfast.

Apparently, a first officer's work is never done.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 04/04/2260 07:02:01

Subject: Do you have suggestions on how to staff the recently vacated teaching position aboard Enterprise? Also I hate my entire HR department.

So, I'm sure you already read the official reports regarding the April Fools' Day replicator/attempted murder incident. It makes eyebrow free and blue Jeremy pale in comparison. How did we get so many morons on the ship?

The guy is in the brig and honestly, I can't get him off my ship fast enough. Like seriously it's going to be at least two weeks before we will be able to get to a Star base because we can't leave star mapping now. Also HR is inefficient as hell.

I hate star mapping. Exploring new planets is fun, usually. As long as you don't end up dead. Making a map where people can find new planets not as much fun. I just want to do something that isn't paperwork and job interviews (and spending quality time with members of HR that think that I am an incompetent idiot because I don't have all the normal qualifications and experience that someone in my position usually has). Filling out attempted murder and domestic violence incident paperwork is not a break from the monotony because it's still paperwork.

So before this incident, the reason why I've been spending so much quality time with HR is I need to find a new teacher for the children of Enterprise. The last one quit because Jeremy is evil and two of the three Ashleys are lonely and easily influenced. Thanks to the Enterprise rumor mill, nobody wants the job. Unfortunately, I need to find a new teacher otherwise, well we lose our trial program. So I need a contractor. Preferably a teacher working on getting counselor certification and would love for Starfleet to pay for it. That type of incentive might be the only way we'll get somebody almost qualified.

My lovely benevolent husband showed me the process of applying for one, but he mentioned that things go better if I have a name. You wouldn't happen to know anybody who would qualify? Or even a place where I could look. Spock made a few suggestions this morning over breakfast, but I would love to have your opinion on it.

Anyway overall things are good. I mean half the ship is convinced that I am no longer in charge because I am an alcoholic, but whatever. Oh yeah, and HR is just fueling the fires of the rumor mill. My God, they actually have access to the real personnel action, yet they believe the rumors. They think that Starfleet is covering up what happened out of respect for my father and my husband. God, I hate people.

Also, Spock and Carol are fighting mostly because I don't think Spock likes anybody playing with his toys and apparently I was Carol's toy in another timeline and well he doesn't like that. I mean I shouldn't be held accountable for things my other self did. Besides who knows, in another timeline those two may update it and like have a kid together. I would hopefully not hold that against him if I found out that that happened.

Suarez suggested I give my Spock bear some lab time, just to help him unwind. I feel like I should start interviewing new science officers because I'm not exactly sure how long Carol is going to make it. I think they may try to kill each other at some point. If or rather when Carol resigns, can Spock become his own chief science officer? That would just make my life so much easier. Even though there are some specific reasons for his Carol issues, I'm not sure we won't run into this problem with the next person. My cuddle Spock is a little territorial. It's hard for him to let go of his lab.

Anyway, write me back when you get a chance. Since we're in the middle of nowhere mapping, I'm sure it will be like a week before you get this.

To be continued.