Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. It's now time for a diary chapter.
Warning: This chapter was written several weeks ago before, before recent events. There's a brief section that touches on Nyota's lingering issues related to her friend Marc's death.
Day 60: Family Group Therapy
We had a family therapy session yesterday which is something we really haven't done since being on the ship. There hasn't been the need, not like those first few months after mom died. I feel like all I did was go to therapy, those first few weeks.
So why did we have to have a family session? My aunt is not okay. That was obvious from the letter she finally wrote me. Before I read that letter, I thought I would be happy if she was suffering, but I am not. I was scared for her to go like they did last time and I was worried enough that I told mommy Nyota and dad what she said, which led to emergency therapy. The day after. It would've been the same day, but Dr. Margarita was dealing with several people in crisis, probably some of the Ashleys. It is getting closer to the second anniversary of the Battle of Vulcan.
Although, because of mandatory family therapy, I'm kind of regretting telling them both about the letter. Mom and dad want to know what I wrote to her about before that was so bad it triggered that reaction, but I won't show them the letter and Dad and Dr. Margarita told mommy not to look. I'm glad they supported me on this.
Apparently mom is going to have to go to additional sessions due to past voyeurism issues and not respecting privacy like she should. Also, dad said that not everybody in the world is like Marc and she shouldn't use what happened to justify her behavior. I wanted to ask who Marc is, but I was afraid to especially because dad finished up their conversation with the phrase, "not everybody is suicidal".
Even though I am worried about my aunt, I'm still not ready to write to her directly or at all. Margarita says that I don't have to and told my parents not to force me again. I'm glad she's supporting me.
I'm starting to really like my therapist. She is there for me against the adults which is good because I've never really had that before. My aunt was supposed to be like that, but I think she was too afraid of mom and grandpa to really support me like she should have. Dr. Margarita is not afraid of anybody.
Also, I can trust her to keep what I tell her a secret like that crush I may or may not have on a certain 19-year-old. Also, she's not going to tell anybody why I am happy that that 19-year-old has time to start my Russian lessons again. It's a sexier language than most people think.
Hey, I'm a preteen, not a little kid so it's okay if I'm starting to get interested in boys or girls or whoever I want, according to Margarita. Although she does say I need to have realistic expectations. I think Dr. Margarita is just glad I'm interested in anything. I kind of wasn't right after my biological mom died. Besides, I'm aware nothing can happen until I reach the Federation age of consent at 18 and yes, I told Margarita which kind of made her happy. I think she thinks all this interest will disappear by then or I'll realize that the age gap is a little too much. Although considering my last step-grandmother was 45 years my granddad's junior and younger than even my aunt, what is six years?
Otherwise I feel like the doctor is wise. Dr. Margarita says I don't have to forgive my aunt for not getting me out of hell or keeping mom from wrapping her car around a tree. Although she does tell me repeatedly that the only person responsible for my mom wrapping her car around a tree was my mom. Margarita says I don't even have to talk to her until I'm ready and I'm not. Not right now. I'm not even sure how to start a conversation without screaming. There's a lot of anger that I need to work through.
Why didn't she get me out of there? Why didn't she at least try? And I'll get there or at least that's what the doctor promises, but I'm not sure. I guess I'll wait for the cookies. I hope there are the chocolate dipped Oreos. The good ones. I deserve dipped Oreos for everything. Okay, mom (Nyota) is calling me for breakfast, so I'll finish writing after class.
xxxxx
Okay, mommy Nyota did not ask me about the crush I may or may not have on Pavel, so I assume that dad was successful in not getting her to read my diary. I'm going to take that as a win and assume that anything I write in here will actually stay private. This is still better than with the last mom.
Classes were mostly okay today probably because the Ashleys are subdued and our teacher is leaving in June. I don't think she cares anymore and therefore Jeremy isn't even bothering to screw with her anymore. Apparently he doesn't like to torture us if we don't care about the torture. He's only doing it for the reaction.
I think the Ashleys are being less evil because we are getting closer to the anniversary of their parents' death which I get. My biological mom's birthday was hard, and I don't even want to think about Mother's Day, but hey at least I still have Nyota. Ashley three doesn't even have that. I'm also worried about how bad the anniversary is going to be for me and unlike the Ashleys, I don't have to deal with it being associated with a tragedy of unimaginable proportions.
It's also a difficult day for Uncle Spock. I can tell he's getting sadder even though Vulcans don't express emotions. That's obviously a lie.
I am concerned (about Spock and Ashley 2.), but not that concerned because at least they're not going to use my biological mom's favorite coping mechanism, consuming massive quantities of liquor. Well, Spock is not because Vulcans don't really drink and Ashley promised me that she wouldn't get wasted. The others I'm not sure because I really don't talk to them.
Although Mr. Scott says they're not breaking in to Engineering for the booze anymore, so I guess that's good. Yes, I know about the alcohol down in engineering because Uncle Scotty gives me good chocolate in exchange for not saying anything. I get bribed a lot on this ship.
To be continued.