Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

Day 119: Waiting for my husband is hard

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Spock's_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 06/20/2260 00:00:01

Subject: I survived my first Remembrance Day

Hi Jim.

Thank you for the cookie bouquet. It was delicious. It arrived a little late, but still appreciated. The perfect post spa day snack.

You're right, the first remembrance ceremony is always the worst. Although, I think it helped that I managed to convince them to make it a joint memorial for those that were lost when the Vengeance crashed into San Francisco. Half the city is still under reconstruction and rent is getting almost as bad as it was back in the early 21st century. I think next year we're going to do the ceremonies on that day. Of course, that would mean we're doing it on the day you died, but your subsequent resurrection makes it an easier day to deal with.

Yes, I managed to avoid the copious amounts of alcohol at all San Francisco based remembrance events. I'm well aware of the pitfalls. I've seen pictures of Barnett changing your diaper and had to clean up after your mom on more than one occasion.

I've been thinking a lot about my next assignment and I'm considering taking the chief administrator position at Starfleet Academy in London. There's something I want to do in my life that makes taking a planet side assignment more advantageous. I can't spend all my time trying to chase down the people responsible for Chris dying. Maybe I must help with the rebuilding as well, which means working with the next generation. Barnett has things well in hand in San Francisco, but the London campus needs all the help it can get.

Also, while I was covered in cucumber slices, I did convince Chen to start a Starfleet widow's club support group/employee affinity group. We're going to start small with just HQ and one ship. Since you volunteered, you can start the group on Enterprise. I get to oversee the one at HQ for the moment at least. You know, unless I decide to go to London. Then I get to start one there too. London is starting to look better all the time.

Finally, thank you for sending party pictures. I really enjoyed Demora falling headfirst into her cake. Also, the look on Liz's face when she realized that she got the bachelor party piñata was priceless. Although, I am going to talk to Starfleet legal about getting rid of that unlicensed product. It's bad enough that there's a Jim Kirk vibrator on the market.

I'm glad to hear that you got to take a few days off and that you're working through everything. I am proud that you're making progress even though I know it's hard. I knew Margarita would be good for you. The good news is you have already gotten through some of the worst days of the year, so you're home free until your birthday.

Also, your anniversary is coming up. Happy early anniversary. I assume that you're going with the human wedding day. I attached a gift card for the Red-Light District. It is one of the few places that will deliver to ships and well I'm sure you can find something to enjoy. Just don't ever tell me what you do with the present.

PS: Nyota's mom is in my office and would love to know if her grand-baby received the necklace making kit she sent up with Liz. Since Christine received a greetings from Yorktown digital postcard, she is concerned.

PSS: Please don't ask why she knows that.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time arrived: 06/20/2260 07:01:01

Subject: Re: I survived my first Remembrance Day

I just assumed that Christine came to visit you. I would ask how your family reunion went, but I just survived my own, thankfully with sanity intact. You have my sympathies. Yes, I mentioned it to Nyota. She will write back when she has a chance because her family relationships are equally complicated.

It was good to have a break, but now it's back to work. Of course, this mission has me waiting on board as Spock gives the universe is bigger than you think speech to a planet that just got warp capacity. Fingers crossed nobody gets shot. I hate waiting so much.

I wish the anniversaries of bad days were done for the year, but we still have the anniversary of Jo Jo's mom wrapping her car around a tree as well as miscarriage day. I already have operation distraction up in place for both.

The Ashleys have even volunteered to help. They are good people. A little shallow, but if I was a teenage girl and went through some of the things they went through, I think I would find something as frivolous as makeup and fashion to focus on. I did. Remember my 20th century music obsession. The 21st-century as well. Post traumatic has started being played a lot. It's the soundtrack to my life again, but hey, I think I'm towards the back of the album now.

You're probably asking yourself why is that a difficult day for me? One, Jo Jo is my favorite niece. Don't tell babies D and K. I love them, but they're just in the cute early stage. Jo Jo can do cool stuff. When Jo Jo is hurt, I hurt.

Second, what happened to her mom was always my biggest fear growing up. Winona has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Remember Barnett changing my diaper. She was a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. Tarsus just made a bad problem worse. Right now, Winona is sober. Really sober and I am just happy about that, but in my mind, I still worry. I'm wondering how long it's gonna last. It's going to fall apart eventually, I just know it. Am I going to eventually get an emergency call from Earth telling me that Winona managed to wrap her own car around a tree? You know that she had a DUI a couple of years ago.

I vote for you going to Starfleet London. As much as I like the idea of you being close to Kevin and Mom, I feel like you need something a little different. So, I think you would be great at taking over the Academy. You can do a lot of good there. I know you spent this last year chasing down those responsible for what happened, but it's time to take a step back and do other things, especially things that will make you happy.

I scheduled a meeting today to talk to Margarita about starting our chapter of the Starfleet Widow's club. I also think we need to start a chapter of my parents died support group mostly for the minors.

The children are doing well. We had a little hiccup with Ashley 3, but it's worked itself out. Of course, this means Pav is single again. I hope he waits at least a month before he's getting randomly kicked out of various people's rooms because he said the wrong thing the morning after. I feel like I'm going to have to have that talk with him. I am not his parent, but sometimes it feels like I am. Spock and I have like 1000 kids.

At least working with Margarita today would give me something to do other than hurry up and wait. I am stuck on ship as Spock and the away team do a first contact. It's been four hours and all check ins have been made and nobody's been shot at yet. Also, nobody has accidentally eaten something that causes anaphylaxis. If things go well today, we'll probably be here for a week for the initial information exchange, but these first contacts usually don't go well. Which is understandable. You just achieved warp and then you found out that you're not alone. Some people like to shoot first and ask questions later. I'm hoping that the inhabitants of &&) $ do better. I hate Spock getting shot at.

PS: Thank you for the gift.

Now I know what to spend your gift card on because I need to know whether to sue or send a thank you card to whoever slapped my name on that product. I'm sure Spock will be mortified when I tell him.

From: NyotaUM

To: MomOU

Time arrived: 6/20/2260 21:07:31

Subject: Thank you for the gifts.

We got your presents. Josephine enjoyed the dolls as well as the jewelry making kit. She's more into painting and drawing, but she's always willing to try anything once and there's only so many books you can read. Also, no preteen says no to more junk food. It's a precious commodity on ship although Leonard is watching our intake. It's easy to gain weight on ship because a lot of the stuff is very sedentary. You know that.

We are doing OK. The break on Yorktown was good although I didn't have that much of a break. I had to do a lot of work with the long-range communications team setting up everything in the sensor lab. I am really interested in learning more about the nebula research project. It seems like something I wouldn't mind doing later on. Yorktown is going to have a lot of communications officers stationed there. If the minors' program doesn't work out, Yorktown could be an option. Kids are allowed there.

Josephine likes her new teacher even though classes just started back today. She has had more control over the kids then the last professor, even Jeremy who is a nightmare. That kid has been horrible to Jo Jo. I know he's been bullying her, but she won't acknowledge it. Thankfully, Ashley 2 likes me now and tells me everything.

We're all praying that his mother gets transferred somewhere else like Delta Vega. Scotty says even he can't get in trouble on the ice planet of the damned. We're all worried about that kid completely torpedoing the whole program the longer he stays. Please convince your fellow admirals not to penalize everyone else for one idiot. I know Sulu would like to have his daughter near him at some point along with a lot of other parents on ship.

So, I'm sure you realize that we're getting closer to its being one year since I lost the baby. I'm sure you did because I saw those data chips for various grief books. I have read a few of those already. Margarita is thorough at her job. I have a session on the 23rd as well as a personal day, but I'm trying not to think about it. I'm focusing on planning their one-year anniversary party with Sulu. We're planning to throw it in the face of certain idiots on ship that they've made it a year. Hey if Jim can throw a crazy birthday party for a one-year-old so he doesn't have to think about Chris's death, then I can throw the best anniversary party ever. Besides, I may have won a little something from engineering. Liz brought me supplies. I'm also donating the champagne you sent us to the party.

We're not drinking as much because its such a trigger for Josephine. We're also getting closer to the one-year anniversary of her mom wrapping her car around a tree. That's a mess. I'm not sure how that's going to go. Marc fed me a lot of cookies and ice cream on the one-year anniversary of grandma dying. That's how we really became best friends.

Thankfully, Liz brought us a bunch of the good chocolate chip cookies so at least we have that. I really like her. She is a good mentor for Josephine.

Anyway, I have to go, but I'll try to write again soon.