Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all great and keep me writing.

Day 148: Conversations with Family

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG2260

Subject: Nervous and stressed. Also, wishing you were here.

Time arrived: 7/19/2260 00:00:01

I honestly think your letters keep me sane. You keep me tethered. This whole custody process is just horrible. Zach's sister Zoe thinks that they're just doing this because they're mad that I'm moving on. I think they're doing this because they're just horrible people and they're mad. I'm still alive and Zach is dead. I understand. I felt that way a lot, those first few months until I met you.

I have an 8 AM emergency meeting with Shawn tomorrow. Apparently, they found out something interesting during the DNA analysis. I'm a little terrified. Shawn reassured me it was a good thing, but he doesn't want to tell me over the comm. Therefore, I'm not reassured. Wish me luck. If it goes awful, Liz promised me that she'll let me get an emergency message through to the Enterprise. Apparently, her mom likes me, and she oversees Starfleet. So, if you've already heard from me then things have gone completely awful.

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Spock's_cuddlebunny; Jim's_cuddlebear

Time arrived: 07/19/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Spock, you are way too smart.

Spock, I'm not even surprised that you figured out that I'm doing in vitro. You're the smart one. I already had the egg retrieval done before Chris died. It's been something we've been planning to do for a long time. With him being named an admiral and me taking a planet side teaching position to be by him, it just seemed like the right time. It's not like we're getting any younger and some of our friends were already having grandkids. They were already fertilized by the time Desi arrived in the world. Even Chris going back on Enterprise temporarily, while you guys sued the hell out of Starfleet, wasn't going to change our plan or schedule. I was supposed to be inseminated on June 14, 2259.

But that was before a supposed 20th-century ghost story shot up Starfleet headquarters. Afterwards, it just didn't seem right to do it alone, especially in the immediate aftermath. My husband was dead, 30% of San Francisco was in ruins, and our adopted kid was in a coma. It was just not the right time. So, I canceled the appointment, and Spock can tell you I spent a lot of quality time at the hospital.

After the truth about what happened came out and Chen made me an admiral, I got used to my new life being alone. Eventually, I forgot about all our plans to start a family. What was the point with Chris gone? It was just another thing I lost. It would be okay.

But then a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from the clinic asking me if I wanted to keep the embryos in storage for another year or consider allowing them to be adopted or alternately be destroyed. Option three was not an option at all. I couldn't deal with the thought of the last part of Chris being destroyed. I also couldn't handle that part being raised by someone else, a stranger. That's not what I want.

Then at the spa day, Chen mentioned the job in London, and I thought, 'hey, maybe I could do this', but Spock your letter pushed me over the edge. We were going to have a family together. That was his last wish. I still want that even if I'm doing it by myself. Christine still thinks I'm crazy, but she is also going to spend the next year in London, finishing up med school to be with me during the pregnancy.

The implementation is tomorrow. I'm terrified, but I'm going to do this. Because it's something I need to do. This is me moving forward, instead of just treading water like I've been doing for the last year.

Yes, Jim the lawyers are dealing with the non-authorized sex toys and bachelor party Enterprise ships. Would you guys be offended if Starfleet copyrighted your likeness? The lawyers think that it might be the best solution to keep this sort of thing from happening. It's the trouble with being a public figure and both of you are very public figures. Unfortunately, the people at the red light district believe they can slap your name on a dildo because of that.

So, you should know that Gina messaged Chen directly about Satan the teenager, in addition to her reports to you. (She knows that you're working on it, but she also understands the politics of the situation.) In addition, to drugging her food on the first day of class and making inappropriate comments of a sexual nature to Gina, he was a little touchy with one of the Ashleys. Not Ashley 2 because then Gina would be reporting an assault, in self-defense, but still assault. So, chances are we've already talked because I expect an emergency meeting to happen any day now.

We suspect that Jeremy was purposely put on your ship to torpedo the program, but we are investigating. When we know for sure, we will contact the ship.

From: MomOU

To: NyotaUM

Time arrived: 7/19/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Thank you for the gifts.

Hey, thanks for writing. I'm glad that you got the necklace making kit and she's enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the artwork that Admiral Chen's daughter, Elizabeth dropped by. Josephine is talented. Also, it's nice to have a family portrait. I'm going to have to make sure that kid stays well-stocked. You should be getting another shipment next time Enterprise stops for supplies. Hopefully it will be before the September shuffle.

The first-year post miscarriage was the worst for me. I think that was because everything is still fresh in your mind. There is a lot of everything to process still. The pain doesn't last, at least not at the same levels, but it's still there in some ways. I think you learn how to deal with it. Some of the books say that you were the ones that helped me learn how to deal, but it took time and I still made a lot of mistakes. Most revolve around sending you to boarding school without at least consulting you.

I'm glad that you like the present. I had no idea what to get. Chen's daughter suggested art supplies, because apparently, she's friends with Josephine. I thought the jewelry making kit would be practical and a safe way to spend some time. I had even less of an idea for what to get for you. I'm glad that you found the books useful even if you read some of them before.

I hope you got through the day as well as you could and just remember the one who hurt you is going to be in jail for a long time. I will personally make sure of that.

We all want the minors on Enterprise program to work and eventually be expanded to other ships. Well, most of us do. The ones who don't were apparently responsible for Jeremy ending up on your ship. The Ashleys were placed on board as well to be destructive, but Jim Kirk is apparently a teenage whisperer.

It turns out maybe we haven't cleaned house as much as we thought. There's still some of the Marcus contingent in the ranks that managed to slip by the first purge. There's going to be a meeting tomorrow.

Rest assured, neither one kid nor disgruntled admiral with HR connections is going to torpedo the whole program. Not if I can help it. This is too important for Starfleet's future. More important it's crucial for you. I want you to not have to choose between your child and your career. I know that you'll make better choices than I did, but I still don't want you to have to make those choices.

Does Josephine like it on board? Are things still going good with her teacher? I heard you got a new one. Chen chose her personally. How are the non-Jeremy students doing? How's your work life balance? Yes, I'm still sorry that I never had that. I'm hoping for better for you.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny;

To: Number_one_Pike

CC: Jim's_cuddlebear

Time sent: 07/19/2260 06:51:01

Subject: Spock, you are way too smart.

Okay I'm doing the math in my head and I'm pretty sure you were already inseminated by the time we had our emergency conference last week. You totally could have said something. I'm also mad at Spock bear for keeping his suspicions to himself.

Congratulations. You are going to be a wonderful mom. I kind of already consider you the good one. You kept me from going totally off the rails at the Academy. I have faith that the insemination is going to work and in nine months, you will have a brand-new baby to smother in affection. Spock and I talked and I'm going to take a three-month sabbatical to London when the baby is born. Although it might be me taking lots of classes at the London campus. I still have some of my master work to do. We'll have to work out the specifics with Chen and Rodriguez. If I knew this was happening, we could have talked during the state of the Jeremy meeting.

I'm not surprised at all that the devil child was purposely put on the ship to wreck the program. Not one bit. Although the deleting of his juvenile record was a nice touch. I mean we all know I have one, but I never burned down my house, especially intentionally, with people still inside. Also, never executed the neighbor's pets. You are aware of reports of sexually harassing classmates as well as running off the last teacher. I am glad Ashley 2 broke his hand. It gave me a reason to put him on "house arrest" which has made the ships so much more pleasant.

I'm glad the mom took the settlement. I can understand why she went along with the plan because what mom wouldn't want to get rid of her son's juvenile record so he can have a second chance. People still look at me with disgust for mine. Although again, most of my behavior was caused by suicidal tendencies triggered by the stepdad. I think maybe the difference is I wanted that second chance to prove myself and I don't think Jeremy does.

Although I feel very sad for whoever must deal with him at 20th century style military school. I just hope there's a good therapist on staff. Sometimes I think I could've ended up like Jeremy, if not for Dr. Suarez. Or, you know, a misogynistic prick who refuses to acknowledge that he's completely in love with his first officer due to severe internalized homophobia. Yes, I realize that's awfully specific.

The hubby is sitting next to me and we decided that the best thing to do regarding the sex toys is to consult with our own lawyer. Hubby doesn't want to license our likeness to Starfleet because, well, one of your colleagues put Satan the teenager on our ship to wreck the minors on Enterprise program and that's just what they've done in the last year. We trust you and Chen, maybe even Rodriguez a little bit, but most of your colleagues, not so much, especially because of Jeremy as well as you know what happened last year.

Unfortunately, I can't get them off my ship until our next Star base visit which will coincide with the September reassignment season. I'll be counting down the moments. He's just going to have to stay on house arrest until then.

Anyway, write back. Let us know how your journey into motherhood is going. I'm serious about coming to London for three months when the baby's about to be born. Part of the reason why Spock and I switched roles is so I could leave if my mom needed me. You're my mom too. Also, Winona seems to be in a good place. I'm sure you're aware she's at the Academy as a consultant. So, it looks like I can use my leave for you.

Anyway, I must go. Meeting with command, probably sending us new orders. I just have this feeling that our exploratory mission is going to get put on hold for a little bit.

From: NyotaUM

To: MomOU

Time sent: 7/19/2260 12:45:21

Subject: Re: Thank you for the gifts.

Apparently your meeting worked well since Jeremy will be off the ship by September. I wish it was immediately, but we just received orders to investigate something strange on the Devon colony. We are on our way now. Although maybe that mission means that we can hit the Star base immediately after instead of waiting until September like originally planned. Fingers crossed.

Josephine is doing well all things considered. Last week was the one-year anniversary of her mom's car accident. I was expecting the day to be awful for Josephine, but the Ashleys and Jay really stepped up and made the day good for her. Also, Chen's daughter arranged for Chekov to give her a 'how to deal with the death of a parent' survival kit. If anybody knows how to deal with that sort of thing, it's Liz and her boyfriend Kevin.

Okay, maybe I stole an Oreo from the supply kit. I deserved it. There were also brownies. I needed chocolate.

My difficult day went okay. Well, as okay as it could go. There's still this part of me that blames myself for losing the baby. I probably wouldn't have volunteered for a mission on the Klingon home world if I knew. Of course, I won't bring that up around Jim because of his guilt complex. But I'm working through it.

Now that I have Josephine, I understand a lot more about the decisions you made back then. I don't think I would've made those decisions myself, but I do understand why you made those decisions.

Anyway, it will probably be a while before I write again. We're going to have a near communications blackout while in Devon.

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: Re: Nervous and stressed. Also, wishing you were here.

Time sent: 7/19/2260 22:12:01

Okay, I haven't got an emergency message from you so that means everything went well with Shawn. At least I'm going to interpret it that way. It's important to be positive in situations like these. I think Zach's parents are just grieving, and they can't get past the angry stage. They probably need a good therapist.

Apparently, it's easier for them to focus that anger on you and not the Romulan that murdered their son in the first place. I wonder if they even know about that. You know because you were given the real briefing after we started dating. Starfleet tends to leave families in the dark sometimes. Jim didn't even know what really happened to his brother until he had a security clearance or so. He's told me.

I'll try to write more often, even if I haven't heard back from you. We're heading to Devon where the satellite capabilities are down due to interference. Which means I probably won't hear from you again until our mission there is over.

But I have hope that all will go well. You'll see.