Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. This is going to be another one of those letters. Prepare the tissues.

Day 158: Crossroads

Dear Sam:

Sorry it's been a long time without writing. I don't even remember the last time. Life has gotten busy. I'm not even joking about that; almost got kicked out of Starfleet, Vulcan got destroyed, Earth didn't get destroyed twice, I became a Starfleet Captain, and stopped being a Starfleet Captain. Okay, I kind of almost died and after that, I decided that maybe I needed to take a step back. Mom also fell off the wagon spectacularly. Sometime during all of this, I managed to get married.

The Frank fuck up did not completely turn me off the institution. It's a miracle. We worked together. I am my husband's first officer. Although, it was the other way around, originally. Technically, I'm still a captain, but that is really just a technicality. I'm okay with that. It means I get to be more hands-on with missions.

The last one was intense. Like lots of dead bodies. I ran into your ex-girlfriend Aurelian. You remember breaking up with her right before leaving for Tarsus because neither one of you felt you could do a long-distance relationship. Do you remember having breakup sex though? Now about 40 weeks after that, Aurelian gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Peter, who according to my husband looks like my mini me.

Bones theorized that all the vaccinations that you took to get you ready for Tarsus most likely deactivated your contraceptive hypo and well you ended up with a Peter. Or rather Aurelian did, but he's kind of adorable in a "the world is awful" preteen sort of way. Preteens are special especially when they've had to deal with this much shit.

I don't know if you ever knew about Peter. First, messages to Tarsus weren't getting there very quickly even before things fell apart and it was worse afterwards because the evil one was trying to not publicize the colony's failure. Apparently, that's part of the reason why message technology has advanced so much in the decade plus since the incident. So, chances are you never got an email from her.

Two, Aurelian's no longer around for me to ask. She died in my arms, three days ago. We're referring to it as an evil alien parasite attack. Good news, they hate light and we fry them via satellite. Too late for Aurelian and Alicia the biological mother of the Sulu - Kim munchkins. Nothing like writing condolence letters to people you know. Mrs. Sulu-Kim helped plan my wedding. I felt bad for the Sulu-Kim kids because the oldest is not even eight yet and the youngest won't be five for a little bit. It's all awful.

I also feel bad for Peter and that was before I realized he was my nephew. I remember how bad Aurelian's parents were. I survived Frank. I know abuse when I see it. I may have been at smart kid boarding school most of the time, but I remember the bruises. I didn't want to send any kid to that and neither did Aurelian. Her will explicitly states that Peter was not to go anywhere near her parents. He was supposed to go to her friend Dimitri, who also died during the evil alien parasite fiasco.

Then Bones did a DNA test at Spock's insistence, because Peter looks like my mini me. And it turns out Peter is a Kirk.

So now we have better options than violating the last request of a dead woman. Yes, Winona is a recovering alcoholic, but still better than Aurelian's parents. She never hit us. She married someone who hit us, but I feel like she knows better now. Also, the current rehab stint has been doing pretty well and she will hit the one year sober mark next month. There was a relapse early on this cycle, but she's doing well since. She even survived the Tarsus anniversaries without picking up a drink.

I don't know if finding out about Peter will send her off the deep end, but I have faith that it won't. She is still on track to transition out of the sober living facility by the end of the year and into her new house that she can buy with all the money she got from selling the farm. The house of evil is now going to become a museum for dad.

Should she raise another kid? Maybe not, but I feel like she would do a lot less damage than Aurelian's family. Remember, I saw the bruises on both Aurelian and her sister. Also, Kevin and I are well-adjusted.

Option two is Kevin. Kevin's a registered foster parent even though he is barely 20, because his girlfriend has custody of her sister's daughter while she is on a one year mission. Did I mention Kevin finally got together with Liz? They're all now domestic with a one-year-old. I'm pretty sure that the wedding will be right after Kevin graduates. It would be sooner, but Admiral Chan would probably resort to violence if they thought about eloping.

Neither Kevin or Liz would be alive right now without you. I think both of them would jump at the chance to raise your son. I'm sure they feel like they would owe you. Kevin took the Kirk last name because of you to honor you and your sacrifice. They're getting plenty of parenting practice right now. Could they take on another kid? Yes. Should they? I don't know, but Kevin and Liz will probably do it anyway. Again, better than Aurelian's family.

However, there is also a third option. My husband and myself. So there's a pilot program to allow kids to live on starships. It's a small program right now, but a space recently freed up in the pilot because one of the participants didn't actually meet the qualifications for the program. We will be dropping him off at a Star base in about four days with the other children returning to family members on earth. You saved Liz's life, so I am positive her mom would be willing to put Peter in the program, even if he's a little young. Especially, because it would keep Liz from serving as mom to two children.

There are lots of advantages for Peter staying on ship. It would definitely be less of a transition for him. He's been on the research colony since he was a year and a half old. Starship life is a lot closer to research colony life then going back planet side. Liz had an awful transition, Kevin as well and I don't think it was all Tarsus related.

Peter is also about the same age as Dr. McCoy and Nyota's daughter Jo Jo. They've been bonding over mutual trauma. Jo Jo lost her mom a little more than a year ago. Drunk driving accident. I wonder if I told you about that. It really has been way too long.

Spock is all in on this possibility. He's the one who suggested it to me. I'm not against it because Aurelian's parents must be avoided at all costs. All costs. And I like Peter. He's smart and sweet, even if he is kind of on the verge of crying right now. Plus I have a lot of experience, apparently, with emotionally damaged young people. I raised Kevin and he is quite well-adjusted. It's a miracle anyway.

Margarita thinks we should let Peter decide and then get the lawyers to back it up. I feel like our stay at Star base 42 is mostly going to be conference calls with lawyers. Lots of conference calls with lawyers and the family. So, do I talk to the lawyers first or mom and Kevin? I'm trying to figure that out.

I'm not mad at you for creating another George Kirk situation. Okay, I'm a little mad, but you probably didn't know. And even if you did, well, Tarsus was so fucked up. I probably should have another session with Margarita and maybe email Suarez, but not tonight. I have so many issues, but I'm working through it.

Xxxx

"I think we should discuss the situation with your mother, Nih, and Kevin before we present Peter with his options." Spock said as he placed the journal back down on the table. Of course, Jim had Spock read the letter. It's how they work through things.

"That's probably best. It wouldn't even be a bad idea if we also included mommy Chan and I mean mommy Chan. She can put her Admiral Hat on later, but I feel like this is a family situation." Jim suggested to his husband.

"I agree." Spock placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I will asked Nyota to arrange a group chat tomorrow in near real time. Although, video chat would be preferred, it is not feasible at this time."

"Which means at least a minute lag between messages. Which I think will be best. How do you think Winona is going to react to Sam having a kid? Even I threw up after the news."

"I am uncertain of how she would react. Are you afraid that she will utilize alcohol again as a coping mechanism?" Spock asked, wrapping an arm around him.

"It is her favorite coping mechanism. She gets clean and she relapses. It's a vicious cycle. I think she's doing better this time around, but could this send her over the edge? I don't know. That worries me."

"It is not feasible to predict the future, but it seems that she is responding well to treatment right now." Spock placed a reassuring kiss on Jim's forehead.

"Better than before, but this is… Sam had a fucking kid and we didn't know. I don't even…" Spock just pulls Jim closer to him as he starts to cry. "I just realized that if we didn't get called here for this parasite thing, we would've never known. I don't even know if Aurelian would've told me the truth, if she made it."

"I am inclined to believe that she would. Maybe she was trying to when she made you promise to take care of Peter." Spock suggested

"The actual deathbed requests." Jim sighed.

"Are we ready to be parents? This is full-blown parenthood. This isn't babysitting or donation to the Vulcan sperm bank."

"That you enjoyed assisting with." Spock remarked.

"But this is so much more and so permanent. I didn't exactly have the best father figures growing up."

"Although it does appear that they improved with adulthood."

"Yes. And some pretty good mother figures as well." Jim remarked.

"You also raised Kevin." Spock added.

"Of course, you bring that up now." Jim groaned.

"I am merely pointing out that dealing with traumatized youth is your specialty. And you have succeeded greatly."

"What about Jeremy?"

"Dr. Suarez taught me that you cannot save everyone."

"Unfortunately. So are you really willing to help me raise Peter on ship? Think of the logistics."

"Engineering will begin working on turning Lieutenant Sulu's current room into a room for Peter, if Peter agrees to live with us. Lieutenant Sulu will move to Dr. McCoy's previous room before he moved to family quarters."

"Okay, you are always one step ahead. So family group chat, then talk with Peter. Actually maybe we could move into our Suite. In the meantime? He could totally sleep on the couch right? I don't like the thought of him being all alone in the guest quarters with the other kids."

"Which is why you replicated Teddy bears for all of them. I believe we could put a temporary bed in the meditation area for Peter."

"This is why you're perfect." Jim smiled at his husband.

To be continued