Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last collection of emails. You are all fabulous.
Day 182: Good News?
From: Number_one_Pike
To: Spock's_cuddlebunny;
Time arrived: 08/22/2260 00:00:01
Subject: Good news
I know we just talked last week, but I thought I would share the good news. The in vitro was successful, and I am officially pregnant. It's still early, and I'm not going to be telling anyone else for a couple more months. At my age, probably not until Christmas, but I need to share the excitement with somebody, and I figure you would be excited. Christina is mostly annoyed at me. How dare I get pregnant? I'm rolling my eyes so much.
So speaking of impending parenthood, how is life with Peter going? Are you getting the handle of work-life balance? It must be hard raising a kid on a starship, but I think you and Spock are up to the task. Spock was the most organized science officer I've ever had work under me. I feel like that will help.
Sorry, I didn't sit in on the video call, but I felt like that should be immediate family only, and I had my 'see if the in vitro actually worked' checkup at the same time. Also, I didn't want Peter to be overwhelmed. We can do a video call in September. I probably won't be showing yet, but you and Spock will probably still be among the few that know about the baby, and I want to gush in person.
Jim, I wish you could've come down, but we both know that you need to stay in space with your husband and your new kid. Please remember that I really do appreciate the offer. However, I think I'll be able to get my own support system here on planet together. I've been hanging out with Winona more, and it's not just because I drink orange juice in front of her instead of getting a glass of wine, so she thinks I'm doing it for the sake of solidarity. Or well she did until last week when I said a little too much during our conference. I'm probably going to have to tell her and Kevin officially sooner rather than later. Oops.
Just because you are several light-years away, you can totally still be involved. I've been told virtual nursery planning is all the rage with Starfleet spouses. Although considering my age, that probably won't happen until I hit the 30-week mark at least. Miscarriages can happen. I've had one before long ago during my Academy days.
In the meantime, I will send you tons of pictures and ultrasound video. You will be very involved in the process.
Tell Spock thank you for the digital book care package. I had no idea there were that many books about pregnancy, especially pregnancy by in vitro in your 40s. Someone even wrote a pregnancy book about being a widow and pregnant, who happens to not be your mother. Some days, I'm surprised she never wrote a book.
However, just because you're staying on ship doesn't mean you shouldn't think about actually finishing your master's degree. You're not that many credits from finishing because yes I have access to your transcript.
You know lots of schools offer online master's programs for Starfleet personnel. Actually, most of the US system does. I may have hyperlinked a few programs for you. I know Carol is taking one right now because her wife told me. Yes, I'm friends with Rebecca. She also served under me for a while.
You're really bright, Jim and you shouldn't let opportunities like this go. Don't even stop with just the master's degree. I really do think you should go for a doctorate. Dr. Kirk has a nice ring to it, and I doubt Kevin's going to get to that level. Although he does have a knack for foreign languages. He curses people out in Vulcan a lot during his internship. Apparently, most people don't realize the Vulcan language has that many curse words. Anyway, write back when you get a chance.
Xxxxx
From: Benjamin_2254
To: SuluHG2260
Subject: Everything is chaos
Time arrived: 8/22/2260 00:00:01
Hey, I know there's no way that you would have received my last letter by now, but too much has happened in the last few days for me not to write to you. Everything is chaos, but maybe good chaos, I think.
So I'm not sure where to start, but maybe with the fact that Victoria showed up at Zoe's house two days ago with multiple suitcases. She was done. Like ready to file for divorce done. She also spent a good hour crying on Zoe apologizing for how she treated both her and Zach as well as me and baby K. It may have been more than an hour. Zoe isn't entirely sure because she lost track when she started crying as well. Zoe said it was a really long night, and alcohol may have been involved at one point. According to Winona, drinking when you leave your asshole husband is a requirement. (Before she embraced sobriety anyway.)
I think I mentioned before that I've always suspected it was mostly Zack's dad driving the suit, but that was confirmed by round two of tearful confessions yesterday. I shouldn't be surprised. The signs were right in front of me. Victoria was always the one who actually gave K any modicum of actual affection. I know all the toys came from her. In addition to trying to go to the wedding, Victoria at least tried to talk to Zach a few times after coming out until the husband stopped it. Okay, during our movie night when the kids were at the sleepover, Winona was the one to point out to me that Victoria breaking her leg right before the wedding could not just have been a coincidence. She is sure somebody, most likely her husband, caused Victoria to break her leg and Winona would know, unfortunately. (BTW sleepover pictures attached and they are adorable.)
Now that she's free, Victoria still wants to be in K's life. She doesn't care that she's Zoe's daughter instead of Zack's. I know she wanted to before. I saw it at the mediation attempts, and I don't want to think about what his behavior met.
So where do we go from here? First of all, I'm happy that I'm letting Zoe deal with the whole fertility clinic fuck up thing by herself because I don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with that as well. Two, Victoria has defected to our side. She's no longer participating in the suit for the Zack embryos. Actually, she's providing us with multiple depositions worth of evidence against her husband.
Though she does want visitation with K again and I think that's a good thing because K really misses her Nana. Since she is staying with Zoe for the foreseeable future, I am willing to let her see K if Zoe is there, but no unsupervised visits. I think I'm going to ask for her to see a therapist as a condition of her having more long-term visitation. Both Winona and Ms. Lee suggested it separately.
I'm going to blame all of this on Lee and Zoe getting stuck with Victoria on that elevator. I don't know what was said, but obviously, it triggered a breakthrough. It completely torpedoed our original legal strategy, but it's a good thing. This meant I got to spend all day today with the lawyers trying to come up with our new strategy against Mr. Jones. It's three against one now, so that's better. Also, if what I suspect happened did happen, I really don't want my children anywhere near Mr. Jones. I don't know if I completely trust Victoria though I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Also, I think Zack would want me to fix things with his mom or maybe fix his mom. Is that a thing? Should that be a thing? I'm not sure. We're just making things up as we go.
So, I mentioned the possibility of it last time, but I am now officially taking a leave of absence from work. Mister Jones threats at arbitration last time were not empty. The former father-in-law's legal team is participating in a disinformation campaign against me and has been spreading some vicious lies to some of my patients. Therefore, the partners decided that they would make me take a leave of absence instead of just asking me to do so politely. They're afraid that patients will actually listen and leave the clinic.
If I weren't already considering taking a leave of absence, I would've been furious. Okay, I still am a little bit. However, I'm fully aware that I need to focus on the family stuff right now. And hey, if my father-in-law does manage to get me fired, well Starfleet wants me. Who knew pediatricians were needed in Starfleet? However, just knowing I have other options helps, even if I would have to spend a year taking the Starfleet xenobiology crash course for medical contractors.
I got to go. Zoe's texting me. She wants my opinion on changing her last name. She also thinks I should go ahead and change my last name to Sulu now before we get engaged. Zoe is special.
Xxxxx
From: SuluHG2260
To: Benjamin_2254
Subject: Re: Everything Is Chaos
Time sent: 8/22/2260 00:05:54
Okay, I regret not spending anywhere near as much time with Zoe as I should have before coming back to Enterprise. I feel like we would have gotten along splendidly. If you're looking for a new last name, I am completely okay with you switching to Sulu. Also, I thought we were engaged to be engaged.
We're talking about future kids and long-term assignments as well as significant career changes just so we can stay in each other's lives. I really want you to take the Yorktown assignment so badly. Then we would be able to at least do Starfleet instant messenger on a semi-regular basis. All of this tells me that we are both in this for the long haul. So I think it's time that we should get some paperwork to back that up.
Sorry that the evil in-law forced you to take a leave of absence, but maybe, in the long run, it'll be for the best. Again, please strongly considered Yorktown.
I'm glad that Zach's mom saw the light, even if it took her a while. I hope things are going better now that Victoria has switched sides. I'm sure whatever was said in that elevator was something that needed to happen. Maybe it was a conversation that needed to have been a long time ago.
Both your lawyer and Jim's mom are right, you should ask Victoria to see a therapist as a condition of being around K without supervision. From what you and Liz have told me, I think her behavior may point to some bigger problems that need to be dealt with. I also wonder if she ever really processed Zack's death completely. It's been more than two years, and I know that Nyota still has trouble dealing with losing her best friend. Spock still misses his mom. In their cases, both had good relationships with the deceased when they lost them. Victoria didn't have that. Obviously, she probably feels guilty, and that is something she needs to work on, with professional assistance.
However, your daughter deserves at least one biological grandparent who's all together, so maybe Victoria can be that grandparent. I don't know, but time will tell. Although I'm pretty sure my parents have already adopted K. I've seen the video, so maybe she already has good grandparents.
I genuinely believe that things will work itself out. Also, if working it out means you might end up in Yorktown soon, who am I to argue? Again, occasional Starfleet instant messenger and at the bare minimum weekly emails. Maybe even twice a year visits. Yes, I'm selling Yorktown a little too much, but I just wish you were closer. I hate that you're going through all of this and I can't at least hug you. I really just want to give you a hug.
I'll give you a virtual one anyway. I love you and will talk again soon.
PS: Please suck up to my daughter's grandmother to convince her to let us do a video chat in September. I'm trying on my end, but I heard that she likes you better.
Xxx
From: Spock's_cuddlebunny;
To: Number_one_Pike
Time arrived: 08/22/2260 22:29:11
Subject: Re: Good news
That's because Vulcans act like they're all reserved, but the language is anything but. The language is old. There are a lot of words that are still in use that are not part of standard Vulcan. What do you expect from a culture that has a word that means friend, lover, and brother simultaneously?
I am so happy to get a message with the subject line 'Good news.' That doesn't happen often. Thank you for sending me the ultrasound picture. It got here today which probably means that you uploaded a week after you sent this letter. That is one cute little squiggle. Spock thinks that you may have heard a heartbeat already. The book I looked at says that happens around the six-week mark.
Yes, I've been reading. Spock got a little crazy with the parenting books. He sent you most of the baby ones we came across. Although, I did keep a few for myself. Even if I'm going to be stuck here, I'm going to be prepared.
I understand being cautious after what happened with Nyota. However, I don't think you are going to deal with any Klingons during your pregnancy. Is it impolite for me to mention that? I probably should be saying happy calming things. You're one of the strongest women that I know, so I expect this to go well.
Also, Christine can get over her damn self. If she doesn't want to help, then she can just go on assignment.
I'm glad you're hanging out with Winona. You're the perfect friend right now because you can't drink. You are also giving her another surrogate grandkid. I've seen pictures of her spoiling babies D and K. Also, I feel like if she were to fall spectacularly off the wagon, you would tell me instead of possibly sugarcoating it like Kevin. Also, I feel like you would actually see it when Kevin might accidentally switch into denial mode. It happened a lot growing up.
Instant parenthood is a weird experience. I mean, I saw what Nyota went through after Jo Jo came to live with her and Bones, but it is different when you're going through it. I thought about that a lot in the last few weeks. Good news, Spock has gotten over his aversion to hugs. Although I believe D took care of that earlier, now Spock is letting himself be hugged by people other than me or baby D. That is a vast improvement.
I never thought I was going to get to be a parent. I mean, I thought it was entirely possible that Spock may eventually be chosen to be somebody's sperm donor and that would be as close as I would get to parenthood after they told me I was now sterile. Now I think that was a silly thought because Spock could just as easily be the sperm donor to our future child as me, but maybe I was still in shock. Or perhaps I was mourning something that wouldn't happen.
Did I ever tell you why Spock is so snippy around Carol, despite having a wife? Okay, now it probably has something to do with Carol taking his science job, but before then, Spock found out that in the other timeline I have a kid with her. Because apparently, other me is horrible at contraceptive hypos.
In this timeline, Sam was the one that got his girlfriend pregnant. Sam was also the one who went to Tarsus, but unlike me, he didn't survive. Although, it was because he didn't survive that the governor is dead due to Winona doing something to him that I don't even have the clearance to read. Although, I feel like her ripping his heart out may have been a possibility.
He ripped out hers when he killed Sam. It would only be fair.
So yeah, I feel guilty every time I help with homework because Sam should be the one helping him. Sam should be here, and he's not because he took my place. So now I'm here trying to be a dad, and I feel like I'm going to fuck this all up. Yes, things are going okay right now, but the other shoe is going to drop. This is my life. Of course, it will.
I mean, we've barely managed to convince Peter that we want him here because we care about him and not because Peter is Sam's kid. Oh, and trust me I get that because sometimes it felt like Winona only saw me as an extension of her dead husband, at least not until after Tarsus as well as the Frank bullshit.
And yes, I've told Spock all this. Spock has been my rock when I'm scared. He calms me down when I'm trying to find time to do everything. He finds it for me, and I just need him so much.
I'm so glad that he is Captain right now because I don't think I could handle the parent transition and being in charge. Spock can because my husband is a super Vulcan. I mean he used to be First Officer and Science Officer. I couldn't even imagine doing my job and Carol's job too. Of course, I don't have a doctorate. So that's not going to happen. (Although Carol requested a transfer to the London Academy because I think she wants to finish her retraining in person. So I have to get someone else to do that job soon because Spock can't be his own science officer.)
Yes, I looked through everything you sent, and I'll think about getting my master's remotely, but it will have to wait until at least January. I need to let Peter get acclimated to ship life before adding anything else. If I learned anything from Winona, it's the importance of balance and not overextending yourself.
Anyway, pictures attached. Most of them are from fencing class. Isn't Peter just adorable in his little uniform?
To be continued
xxxx
I originally had Carol getting off the ship in a more dramatic way. But I've decided against it because this story has too much drama already.