Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

Day 202: You have been busy

From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

To: Spock's_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 9/11/2260 00:00:01

Subject: You have been busy

That was a lot to unpack in one letter. I'm going to start with the safe subject of congratulating you on no longer having a Jeremy. I hope the quasi-military school will help him work through his issues. Sorry, there's still members of Starfleet who are petty, vindictive, assholes who are trying to undermine the program. However, as always, they're underestimating you. Now that Jeremy has gone, how is the program going?

So, Sam had a kid that you just found out about that may have even been born after he died. How do you feel about this? Is it bringing up memories of George? I'm probably going to have to write to your mom. I will write to your mom as soon as I'm done writing this email because this is a lot. That's not even touching the fact that you are fostering a 12-year-old.

Losing Arlene was probably hard for you too. I know you hate losing people on missions in general. The fact that Arlene was the one who brought you to my wife in the first place probably makes everything worse. She was a beautiful person. Arlene didn't deserve the things she went through. I knew about what happened to her sister; It was an absolute tragedy. It was the talk of Riverside for months, if not years. I didn't know about Peter. She did an excellent job of keeping the cameras off him during the trial.

I'm not surprised that you're stepping up. This is who you are, Jim Kirk. You have a saving people thing, or maybe a trying to fix things thing. You're also ridiculously loyal to your family. So, you becoming a foster parent is a logical step. I know you knew how screwed up the family was before you knew about the murder, so I know you wouldn't let any kid go through that. I also know that you wouldn't just let Peter go into foster care. That's not who you are and I know your husband will follow you in this. You support each other. No matter what.

Don't be scared. You did raise Kevin, and you did an excellent job. So, I think that you're going to do great at this parenthood thing, but you probably have doubts. That's normal. Just don't let your insecurities overwhelm you.

How are you feeling right now? Are you overwhelmed? I knew you think you're going to screw up, but I'm sure you won't. You were an excellent captain to 1000 people so I feel like some of those skills are transferable to teenagers. I know you managed to be a good uncle to Jo Jo. Now you need to build on that skill set.

Fortunately, unlike with Kevin, you have Spock to help you with raising Peter. It always helps when you have a partner. You and Spock have a great partnership, so I think together both of you can get through this. As I stated earlier, you support each other in all things.

Remember, I'm always here to help you work with troubled adolescents. Although I'm sure, Margarita already has a strategy together. Now I'm going to do everything possible to make sure Margarita stays on Enterprise. I'm sure it's probably going to be September by the time you get this. Are you going to get a second therapist for Enterprise? I feel like you need one more. I felt like you needed two therapists when I was on board, but it's probably worse now with everything that's happened in the last year and a half.

I'm glad Spock already knows about his new foster sister. Do you think that you'll get to visit the colony soon? Spock probably wants to meet his sister, and I want to meet my grandbaby. Yep, I'm counting Peter as a grandkid because it's the only way I'm going to get one. I would do well at grandma hood.

I know that Spock's dad knows about Peter, but what about the counterpart? I got some cute pictures of your new kid. I want to put them on my desk. However, I feel like if I do that, then the counterpart could recognize him, therefore resulting in me having a very awkward conversation with the Vulcan. Maybe you should tell him if you haven't already done so. I know that you and the hubby are doing minimal contact with the counterpart, despite him dragging Kevin's ass to the wedding. But maybe this would be an appropriate time to drop a line. Just a thought at least.

Anyway, I demand more pictures. Also, keep me abreast on the latest Enterprise gossip. Colony life can be tedious, and you keep me entertained.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Time arrived: 9/11/2260 12:21:51

Subject: Re: You have been busy.

For some reason, I'm not entirely inclined to believe that colony life is that boring. You are pretty much creating the field of Vulcan psychology from scratch. That must make for some exciting research papers if nothing else. Of course, my husband is probably the only one who finds research papers fascinating. So, I'll forgive you.

Of course, there is a chance that we might see for ourselves in a few months. Kevin overheard some chatter while working in his future mother-in-law's office that we might end up spending two months on the colony to do some work. That seems a bit at odds with standing orders, but there are several planets near the colony that need to be explored. I'm pretty sure the Council only found out about the planet due to the counterpart's experiences the first time around. At the very least, I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up going in that direction for a little while.

The program is thriving now that Jeremy is off the ship. Come October, we are getting four more kids. Originally it was three, but Starfleet approved my request for another therapist, a Dr. Diaz. She was Liz's therapist after the Tarsus fuck up, in addition to teaching Margarita at the Academy, so we know we can trust her. She will be bringing her daughter Carmen along. Thankfully, she's not another Ashley. I still don't know how we ended up with three Ashleys. I think it was part of Starfleet psychological warfare. Thankfully after 200 some days, they manage to grow on you. We bonded over dead parents and dreadful childhoods.

I'm not even surprised about the Jeremy thing. I mean after the therapist infiltration, nothing, and I mean nothing surprises me. I'm not mad, just a little disappointed. I mean, I know they hate me. I got a captaincy too young and too many people believe I only ended up where I did because I'm good at sucking cock. You know I don't mean that as hyperbole or as a metaphor.

So, I have enemies. I accept that, but they shouldn't take their anger at me out on the rest of Starfleet. Things are a mess between the Vulcan incident and the Marcus fuck up. Starfleet needs more people, and if we don't create more family-friendly policies, we are not going to get the people we need. I'd rather have a 40 something with two kids than someone straight out of the Academy that's only Starfleet experience is their semester on board. We're getting 50 interns in October for a three-month rotation; the headache is already forming. I think this is more of Starfleet's psychological warfare.

BTW, it looks like Kevin will be doing that next summer, maybe. My baby is growing up. Kevin did give me some necessary skills, but this is very different than before. More room to fuck up and we fucked up.

I was supposed to spend a week camping out on the planet, but Peter couldn't last a day with me not being around. Nightmares, which is a given, considering how his mom died. That led to a panic attack and Spock bringing me back and sending Sulu in my place. There was a lot of crying involved. Mostly mine, because I feel like a failure. I mean we talked about me going beforehand, and I thought he would be okay, but apparently, I'm not as well versed in reading 12-year-olds as I thought I would be.

It's been a few days since I got back, and he is still being a koala baby. I'm personally surprised he hasn't tried to sleep in our bed, but that might be because he doesn't know us that much yet. So, I learned that Peter is not ready for us to not be around yet. It won't be too hard to stay on board with our current assignment, but it may be a problem later.

I will write the counterpart. If you don't tell him, then Spock's dad will. I think they're friends. Or as close to friends as you can be with another version of your youngest son. Sarek knows, so I expect him to have baby pictures out as well. He's a bragger.

Spock and his dad talk a lot. The perks of being an ambassador. I wish I could call you, but it's not possible. I've been slowly dealing with all my brand-new, Sam baggage. I wrote Sam a letter right after we found out about Peter, but not since then. I don't know if I should. Spock is my sounding board. It helps that he can provide feedback and hugs. The hugs have come in handy.

Yes, write mom and Kevin. Kevin and mom have reassured me that her sobriety is still intact, but I'm worried. Finding out about Peter has brought the ghost of Sam Kirk back front and center, and we're all trying to deal with it. I think I'm not doing as well as I should be. Margarita disagrees. I guess we'll see.

Anyway, I promised Peter that I would eat lunch with him, so I must venture to the mess hall. I'll write again later.

From: Spock's_cuddlebunny

To: Vulcan_Embassy_Ambassador_Selek

Time sent: 9/11/2260 22:56:51

Subject: Greetings from Enterprise

Hey, sorry, long time no writing. I know I've sent you pictures of Baby D's birthday spectacular, but I should say hi occasionally. I guess I haven't because you want us to live our own life without concerning ourselves with the life decisions of other people and I totally respect that.

I am now because I just have this feeling that other Jim never had to foster his secret nephew because a weird alien parasite killed his mom. Did you ever deal with an alien parasite that you had to kill with light? Also, if you did deal with that, I understand why we were not warned. I'm not going to be pissed. It is what it is. You can't go around fixing everything. Some things are just going to be broken. It's a fact of life.

So, Sam has a kid that none of us knew about, not even Sam possibly. I had no idea until after the parasite mission went to hell. I promised Arlene that I would take care of Peter even before I knew he was my nephew. It just was something I needed to do. I want to ask you if Arlene's family was as fucked up as it is currently, but you know I don't think I want to know the answer to that question. It's one of those things I think I'm better off not knowing. I need to believe that her parents didn't murder her sister in two timelines. I don't need that sadness.

Good news, we are adapting to parenthood. Okay, Spock keeps reading every child book known to man except for Dr. Spock. He's convinced that Dr. Spock is really a Vulcan that crash landed on the planet and he feels that if that was indeed the case, we should not turn to him for advice on raising a human child, mainly because his writings are so dated. You'll be happy to know that I did not make a snide comment about the teachings of the Vulcan Yoda being even more outdated.

Peter is kind of afraid we're going to die. We found that out after the panic attack incident a few days ago. Thankfully, none of the crew told him about me dying. Thank the universe for small favors. I think it would have been a disaster if he found out. The kid is still adjusting.

So, I'm not going to ask how things went the first time around, because I don't care anymore. This is how things are now, and I have made peace with that. For a while, I was mad about never having David. There wasn't going to be a David anyway because of Spock being my soulmate and us meeting a lot earlier, along with Carol finding her soulmate, Rebecca, because daddy made her join Starfleet. Due to the radiation, there wasn't going to be any baby at all for me.

I think deep down inside I wanted that with Spock. I wanted us to be parents and I was mourning that for a long time. I was too focused specifically on the infertility issue, not thinking about all the other ways that we could still become parents. I was concentrating too much on what I had lost that I couldn't see what I could still have.

Then Peter happened and the last month and a half have been crazy, but in a good way. It feels like half the time I have no fucking clue of what I'm doing. The child books can only do so much. Again, I wish somebody would've mentioned that away missions were a no-no right now. I think we're going to get the good part eventually. I think we can do this. Spock and I can do anything together.

Just because I don't want to know about the future, or the other future doesn't mean I don't want to know about what you're doing. I do care about you, and I'm always going to consider you a friend.

I'm okay with not knowing how things are going to go. We will figure it out eventually. I hope we will anyway. Okay, we're making it up as we go, but I'm good at improvising.

Anyway, write back.

BTW have you met new Spock's foster sister? She's adorable with her little scowl. Did you ever have a foster sister? Apparently, this is Spock's second foster sister although the first time only lasted for six months due to Vulcan politics. Okay, and she told some Vulcan brat to go fuck himself literally and they couldn't get her off the planet fast enough. Maybe that's one story from the other timeline that I would love to know about.

To be continued