Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all so wonderful.
Day 221: Favorite Almost Aunt
From: Elizabeth_Chen
To: Peter_K
bcc: Kevin KR
Time arrived: 10/01/2260 00:00:01
Subject: Have you reached the Star base yet?
Hey Peter, it is Liz this time. We thought we would take turns. Also, Kevin has 200 pages of reading that he has to get through tonight along with some analysis work, so he only has enough energy to call suggestions over my shoulder. Junior year is kicking his ass. Which is what junior year does.
Although senior year is also hectic. I have three classes this semester. Plus, the new Kobayashi Maru, now with essays and research projects. I must do a six-page paper on a hard decision made by a Starfleet Captain previously and examine the choice they made and explore why that choice was made. As well as consider the outcome and decide if other options were available.
I'm not happy being part of the first batch to take the new test, mainly because we are not allowed to choose our own subject for the research paper, they are randomly assigned to all of us. I'm thankful I didn't get the Kelvin incident because that would be awful. Also, I am glad I didn't get Tarsus because I do not need a research project to give me a nervous break down. I'm not saying what project I have just yet, but it's something that I will be able to get eyewitness accounts for.
Which means this project will probably go better for me than many of my classmates. Not many will be able to do eyewitness interviews with those involved. Bonus points for that eyewitness not being my mom. I don't think she would help on principal anyway. She doesn't want to inadvertently give me an unfair advantage.
Have you reached the Star base yet? I'm not sure how long these letters are taking to get to you. Probably too long. Anyway, gifts will be waiting for you, some were sent the usual way. Others were smuggled to Enterprise by one of my friends who will now be on the ship.
Winona also sent you some goodies. She's going to video chat with you on October 4 from London. My mom sent her over there allegedly to audit the engineering department at Starfleet 's London campus. I feel like something else is going on, but it's probably best I don't know.
I'm glad Winona is venturing out from San Francisco, but that means we lost one of our babysitters. You have no idea how nice it is for baby D to spend some time with her grandma so we can work on our schoolwork. Now we're down to just one grandmother who unfortunately is running Starfleet. And yes, your Grandma Winona wishes she was close enough that she could do that with you, but circumstances are what they are right now. She's looking forward to talking to you again.
Also, I just want to give you a giant hug as well as send you our grief checklist. We gave it to Josephine on the first anniversary of her mom's death, but it's something that you can use as well. It's attached. Let me just say here that grief is not linear, and it can hit you at weird moments. I still cry when I see daisies, it's been more than a decade, but again tears sometimes.
You're going to be dealing with this for a while. And I know it sucks, but it's just kind of the way it is. Grief is hard. Losing a parent is hard, and right now, all your pain is very fresh. It is difficult to think of the wonderful things. It might be painful. You're still processing the trauma of all of it, which again sucks and honestly, you won't get to a point where you're not processing what happened to some degree, but eventually, you find a way to deal with it.
I won't lie to you; it took me a while to get to that point, but I got there. I still have some bad days, but they are fewer and far between. I think you will too. It took me a lot of effort and therapy in addition to some Brazilian jujitsu, but I did find that place. I have faith you will get to that place eventually. I'm sure fencing is doing wonders for you. Sometimes it's good to have a tangible way to get out your aggression.
Also, I recommend the therapy journal. At least that way you can write out your thoughts and not risk the wrath of somebody getting them accidentally. We already know about not being able to recall before we read your message. Kevin is dreadful at remembering to turn the microphone off and we may have got in a very private conversation about bad hook up decisions and instead of deleting it, we accidentally sent the message to Josephine. That email was not 12-year-old appropriate.
No, I'm not telling you what we accidentally sent to your new friend because it was very inappropriate. Let's just say Admiral Pike has some relatives that are not the best. Also, don't ever let yourself be manipulated into doing something you don't want to do. I'm the best choice my boyfriend has ever made.
I wish we would've worked out our feelings for each other a lot sooner, but maybe it took us some time to realize that we were never ever going to be just friends. You don't live what we lived through and just be friends. Tarsus was hell.
I've known Jim for slightly less than you've been alive, and I know he's not going to be offended by you not calling him uncle. Trust me, he gets it. Kevin didn't call Winona "mom" for like a year. It took me equally as long before I was referring to the Admiral as my mother. Thankfully both Kevin and I got there eventually. Adoption is weird sometimes.
I'm sending you some books. Websites are hard to access while on a ship because everything is either the Starfleet database or the "local" Internet, and I feel like you're not at a place where "local" Internet exists. Digital books are better. You should be able to put them on your personal PADD. I hope. See other email attachment.
Okay, I slipped a few book chips in your care package too. It's on its way and will get there before October 3. Don't say we didn't have to because we really did. It is the job of an aunt to spoil you whenever possible. That's what we do. Yes, we're probably compensating for something. I think Kevin told you last time that we apologize in this family with cookies. It's a thing. You'll get used to it.
Anyway, write us back whenever you're feeling up to it. I want to hear all your stories about ship life. I was going to write to your uncle tonight, but I'm half asleep. Maybe I'll do it in the morning after feeding Desi. That kid gets food everywhere. Pictures attached of her being bad with blueberries. I lost a blouse.
Xxxxx
From: Peter_K
To: Elizabeth_Chen
Time sent: 10/01/2260 13:13:31
Subject: Re: Have you reached the Star base yet?
Not yet, but I think we're only about 13 hours away. Jim says that we will probably arrive somewhere in the middle of the night. He's cranky that he lost the coin toss so Jim will be on the bridge tonight taking care of whatever he has to take care of for the ship to arrive at Star base. I'm not entirely sure what all that involves.
Josephine shared the grief list with me during my third week on the ship. It was helpful. I'm still processing things. I don't understand why my mom had to die. I don't know why anybody has to die, especially all my friends at the colony. Everyone there was just so good to me. It was like having this one big family. And now I don't have that, at least not the same family. Everybody on Enterprise who's not a bigot has been embracing me, but it's not the same.
I want my old life back. Not just mom, but the life I used to have. I realize that that is futile, but a part of me still wants that. I don't know if I'm ever going to stop longing for that, but I'm no longer comparing the people before to where I am now. I feel like that's progress in a way. Margarita says it is.
I'm still spending a few days a week with her. She's great. I really can talk to her. She also agrees that Jim and Spock are perfectly okay with me not calling them uncle immediately. Although it has slipped out a few times. I blame Josephine because she is always calling everybody uncle. It's a thing for her.
Josephine is just great. She's making sure that everyone else in our class is good to me. So far, they have been. Thanks to the Enterprise rumor mill everybody knows why I'm on the ship, but they're not mean about it. Everybody knows what it's like to lose a parent. The Ashleys all lost family in the battle of Vulcan. So, they understand. It's almost lovely not to get pitying looks. They're not giving me pity.
I'm a little worried about the new kids joining the ship. Are they going to be like us? Will they be another Jeremy? I never met the infamous Jeremy, but I've heard stories. He was evil. Just because you lose a family member during a genocide does not give you the right to be an ass hole or kill family pets. He had issues.
Okay now that I'm thinking about it were you assigned to do your project on Vulcan? I think that's the only thing that you didn't list that could be a possibility. I'm not sure if you will be able to interview Spock. He doesn't like talking about his mom dying. Which I understand because I don't like talking about my mom dying. It hurts too much.
I'm considering doing the diary thing, but I'm not quite sure yet if that's the way I want to go. I'm still figuring it out. I'm just taking it one day at a time right now.
Fencing has been good. You're right, being active helps. Part of me wishes I could be outside again. Or at the very least run around the ship. I'm looking forward to the Star base because maybe I'll get to do something outside of classes and the fencing club.
The pictures are wonderful. I wish I could call you guys again, but Jim says that's not possible. You're doing some big project on the third. Although there is supposed to be a party afterward. Jim isn't talking. I wonder what all that is about.
I think you're an excellent aunt and your niece is so adorable. I can't believe she is Mr. Sulu's daughter. Of course, he talks about her all the time. He really misses her. I'm not entirely sure he's going to make it the full five years, although it probably helps that his family will be closer. I hope her 'life in space' experience will be better than mine.
I'm working through things, but it's going to take a while. Margarita says that it is normal, but things will improve eventually. I hope she's right.
Anyway, I'll write again later. Thank you in advance for all your gifts. I'm sure they're all going to be fantastic. You really didn't have to, but thank you all the same.
To be continued…