Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are lovely as always.
I promise we will stop having the daily chapter soon in-universe. I find it a little exhausting and miss being able to skip a few days between messages. For example, I felt there was some repetitiveness in this chapter because I had to keep covering similar things from different perspectives. All while trying to find a unique way to tell it and give you additional information. That's harder than it seems on the surface to accomplish.
Day 312: Lemon Bars for Everyone
From: Jim's_cuddlebear
To: NyotaUM
Time arrived: 12/30/2260 00:00:01
Subject: RE: I have yet to nerve pinch my father or any other family members
We have already received our new dietary and exercise guidelines from your boyfriend. He sees no point in waiting for a return to Enterprise. However, James says we are ignoring them until we are back on the ship. He argued that we should at least observe the vacation rule of eating whatever we want. Since we cannot follow any other vacation guidelines during this "working vacation." we did work out each morning in my father's exercise facility.
You are right. The situation with my counterpart has left me less than optimal. It is making me reflect upon my own mortality. I want to live as long as possible for James and Peter. Although I also realized that I will most likely keep living once they're no longer with me. I think my counterpart does not have that desire. I believe he thinks he is currently living on "borrowed time" to use the human phrase. That he should be gone. I do not know how to convince him that is not the case. He is confident that all of us can thrive without him. We can, but his absence will be noted.
You are right about grief being nonlinear. There are moments when I feel completely at peace with Amanda no longer being part of my life. I am still sad about it, but I accept the reality of the situation. Then, unexpectedly, some instance reminds me of her absence, and the pain becomes more apparent.
James says this is normal, and he feels that way too. My husband said he missed Sam more this year than any since the year after his death. James also wished he could share his first Christmas as a father with his surrogate father, Chris Zero. Yes, that's the name that Jim has assigned him in the Chris naming convention. I choose not to ask for elaboration.
Last night with Dr. Suarez, we briefly discussed missing our lost loved ones. She reassured James and myself that it is normal to grieve for a reality that cannot be as long as you acknowledge that. It is part of the process of moving forward.
I acknowledge that I cannot give Peter any time with Amanda. However, I can give him as much time as possible with my father. He truly adores Peter. He is more demonstrative than he was when I was a child. I wonder if the loss of my mother is partially responsible for this.
I also want to give Peter as much time with the Nana he does have, Winona. Yes, she is sober. She wants to be the best grandmother possible for Peter. She acknowledges that she missed a lot of James and Kevin's childhood due to her alcoholism, and she does not want to repeat those mistakes with her grandson. James is cautiously optimistic, but he really does want Peter to have a relationship with Winona.
I am concerned that raising Peter on a Starship will impact his time with his grandparents and uncle, for that matter. It will be six months at a minimum before we see each other again, and that's only because Kevin is engaged to the daughter of the head of Starfleet.
That is not to say that we will abandon the five-year mission and request a planet side assignment immediately. However, I do not believe James, and I will spend our entire careers in Starfleet, unlike our counterparts. We are actively considering other options for what comes after this mission.
I returned to Starfleet because my counterpart was around to help my people rebuild. Being here, I see that they are rebuilding, but I want to contribute. Not just the physical rebuilding but the rebuilding of our culture and people. That will require me to be here eventually. James is not opposed to us coming here once we're ready to leave Starfleet. James did not have an allergic reaction during our meeting at the botanical gardens, which makes me hopeful.
Peter would like to go to university at the Vulcan Science Academy. Per my father, the VSA plans to be a full institution by that time. Being a Vulcan citizen, attendance at the VSA is possible theoretically. Due to my own negative experience, I am concerned about what the admissions board will do to an adopted human child. Yes, humans are more tolerated presently, but my sister is now going to the international school due to anti-Romulan prejudice. Also, the father of my sister's former classmates called me a "disgrace Vulcan who sodomizes meat-eating humans" yesterday. I feel that prejudice is just beneath the surface. This is why I nerve-pinched him.
If Peter does go to school here, I would feel better if we were close by. I do not know if I would take a teaching position at the Academy, but it is an option. I was not a horrible teacher. I prefer it to meetings with diplomats I despise.
Yes, I have talked about these things with James. We have been talking a lot the last few days. We are still trying to decide how to tell the kids that the elder is sick. They know he is my "variant." I felt it would be inappropriate to lie to them when they discover the truth on their own. However, they are unaware of how he ended up in this timeline or that he created a timeline branch.
We decided to explain things in terms of Peter's favorite comic book world. At least he is not surprised to find out that time travel is possible and other timelines do exist. Josephine is just happy she chose the perfect holiday present.
Do you have suggestions? Dr. Suarez's niece suggested that we research explaining terminal illness to children. She also recommended several books that I plan to review between meetings or potentially during meetings. At least ones where I am allowed to keep possession of my PADD. I can discretely speed read. Reviewing the books would be a much better use of my time.
At least I get to spend evenings with my father, sister, and the rest of my family. I am looking forward to a family dinner tonight. We have reservations at a Vulcan Asian fusion restaurant in the shopping district this evening. I expect the experience to be fascinating.
PS: Yes, we will pick up various baked goods for you before returning. The 31st is supposed to be a day of packing. We plan to grab provisions. Some of them will be the type that only I am legally allowed to purchase.
Xxxxx
From: kitten_loverJJMU
To: Magnificent Ashley 2.0; J fabulous
Subject: Please schedule an Enterprise kids gossip party
Time arrived: 12/30/2260 00:00:01
Yes, we are definitely going to have to schedule a little get-together to talk about everything. There's so much that I found out that I can't put in writing. I now know I got my new great-grandfather the best Christmas present ever. Also, Back to the Future is bullshit. That's all I can say for now. We have so much to talk about.
I know you didn't get many presents from your guardians, but I have things for all of you. Grandfather was very generous along with the Nanas. Uncle Jim is hooking you up with baked goods. Although they will all be virginal because he's being good. Uncle Jim says he won't give us cannabis pastries until we're at least 18. Ben's former mother-in-law seemed scandalized, but Nana Winona said it made sense. Kevin just kinda nodded his head in agreement. I feel like there's a story there, but I'm too afraid to ask.
I have discovered that everything is more fun with babies. Especially because when we went back to the botanical gardens, we got to see the non-tourist trap stuff. We even got a tour of the labs that we didn't see before. Even Peter thought it was cool, though he hated the version we got at the farm weeks ago. He loves plants, just not corn. This comes from spending any planet side time down in Iowa at his ex-grandparents' farm before they started murdering people. My grandfather is toxic, but Peter's ex-grandparents are so much worse. I hope they never get out of jail for what they did.
So, I have good news. You will get to see the babies. They're coming to the ship on New Year's Day for Uncle Jim and Spock's early birthday party. Although Uncle Jim really hates his birthday for obvious reasons, do not wish him a happy birthday. Especially do not wish him a happy birthday on January 4. That's not his birthday. That's just the day he was born on. Also, please don't bring up his dead father. Don't bring it up around Peter, either. Talking about parents dying is a trigger for him. I completely understand because it's hard for me to talk about my biological mom. Don't bring up the Kelvin incident, either.
We are all a little worried about January 4. I think this is partially why Everybody is leaving on the second. It gives Uncle Jim a little time to recalibrate before that day. He needs it.
We shouldn't think of this as a birthday party but as an excuse to have the babies on the ship and have cake. Actual real cake made in an actual bakery. The same person who planned the dedication banquet is also doing this party. She's Lieutenant Sulu's older sister. Peter and I are trying to convince her that it should be a not-a-birthday party. We don't know if we'll be successful.
I hope you are getting all our pictures. Today was fun. Although I think tomorrow will be better. Dr. Suarez is coming, and I'm hoping to learn more fun stories about Uncle Jim. Ashley, I promise to give you all the good stuff. I think he would be cool with you knowing. Actually, you probably know a lot of these stories already since you two are so close.
Jacqueline and Olivia are also going to get to come. I'm not sure how that got worked out, but maybe they were given permission because it's only going to be in the morning. Ashley 3 is beyond happy about it. She loves hanging out with us and not staying in the dorms. However, she misses getting to see Jacqueline daily. Jacqueline also apparently misses us because we made things less horrible. She doesn't like many of her classmates. A lot of them see her as a little kid because Jacqueline is barely older than us. But she's been at Starfleet Academy since she was 14.
I completely agree that the baby should live with us. I hated being away from dad during his last mission. It was even worse because my biological mom wouldn't even let me call him or send emails most of the time. She was really controlling in that way. At least while on the colony, I'm allowed to email dad whenever I want to. I've been sending him pictures nonstop.
I acknowledge that maybe little babies shouldn't be on the ship, but we could definitely have Enterprise kindergarten. That would be so adorable. Besides, most of us will be somewhere else when they are in kindergarten. I think I might apply to the VSA with Peter even though I doubt I have a chance of getting in.
I'm not sure I will apply to Starfleet like you are. It's still a maybe for me. I think I want to learn about different careers first. I'm going to get to shadow grandpa on the 30th. Ashley 3 will be with Uncle Spock, and Saavik will be with Uncle Jim. Peter is going to be with the Admiral. Apparently, the situation with Enterprise has been handled or will be handled by that point. Which I hope means Chris is long gone.
We had a family meeting today. I don't know exactly why Chris 3 was kicked off the ship, but we were informed that it happened. I assume this is probably related to your Chris 3 Intel you mentioned in your last letter? You deserve all the candy if you really did get him off the ship. We are definitely having a celebration. I am so glad that he's gone.
Xxxx
From: NyotaUM
To: Jim's_cuddlebear
Time sent: 12/30/2260 07:17:21
Subject: But apparently, you have been nerve pinching other people that deserved it
The first rule of vacation is all diets go straight out the window the moment you get off the shuttle. There are no exceptions to this rule. However, expect Leonard to begin enforcing everything strictly on January 2. He might give Jim a pass for January 4 because we all know Jim needs like a whole pint of ice cream to get through that day at a minimum.
However, maybe you should pick up some non-dairy for the stasis box. He is not allergic to coconut, right? I think I've seen him drink coconut milk before. Now I'm consulting the great book of Jim Kirk allergies, and coconut is not on there. All tree nuts are on there, but coconuts aren't really nuts. I think it's safe.
It makes sense that you're thinking about these things in light of your counterpart being sick. I don't think I will be a Starfleet lifer when I'm almost 90% sure my counterpart was. I saw my mom taking that path, and I don't think I want to follow. I don't think she would want me to either. The world is different anyway. I think Starfleet is more militarized even though Chen is trying to reverse what happened under her predecessor. I wonder if it's already far too late.
I really liked what I was doing with the communications department at the VSA. They can use more experienced communications experts. I think Josephine could benefit from colony life. I don't want to be that parent that puts their career first. I saw what happened firsthand, and I'm one of the success stories. I could have turned out like Chris 3.
We've been having work conversations about that. So I don't really want to get into it here. However, Chris 3's mom is so upset that she was too busy working to see that her child was being radicalized right before her eyes. We all saw it happening, and she just didn't have the bandwidth to do with it because the job always came first. She just kept telling herself that she would deal with it later or after she transferred to the next position. Unfortunately, later was much too late.
I'm starting to genuinely believe that someone is actively trying to sabotage the minors on Enterprise program. Between Chris 3 and the nightmare before him, it seems apparent that we're being set up to fail miserably. The first teacher definitely wasn't prepared for this type of setup. We know Gina was brought in personally by Jim and the Admiral. That kid got kicked out of another reform school per the rumor mill. Chris three will probably be joining him. The only thing keeping him from doing time is that he is 14.
I think we just have to figure out what's best for us. Not what people think we should do but what we need to do. You and Jim already have that down. Jim decided it was best for him not to stay a captain. Well, he's still technically a captain, but it's a team thing. You have the deciding vote instead of him, and this works.
If you want to go back to the colony and have a bunch of kids with Jim, then that's what you should do. I know Jim and you want more kids eventually. But you shouldn't consider doing that if it's not what you want to do. Whatever you choose, you know Jim will be there for the ride. He's that husband. But remember to take his needs into consideration.
Just take your time with making any of these decisions. Don't react only out of grief. Bad things happen when you do that. Usually, my bad thing is sleeping with people I probably shouldn't sleep with. At least you won't do that.
I think I am figuring out the slow mail system. You should get this email about 8:00 PM on December 31. This means you might just have enough time to get me more lemon bars but not enough time to actually send a coherent response. So, I don't expect one. But you better bring me the special lemon bars like you promised. Not just for me but for yourself. You might need them on January 4. Also, let me know if I'm babysitting Peter that day.
Xxxx
From: Magnificent Ashley 2.0;
To: J fabulous; kitten_loverJJMU
Subject: Party in my quarters
Time sent: 12/27/2260 14:32:01
We're definitely doing something on the second with just us kids, especially before classes start again. Apparently, we get a little more time to acclimate, and we start back on January 5 now. I think Gina is mad she lost a day of her vacation because of Chris 3 shenanigans and decided she wants to spend more time with her girlfriend. Honestly, we deserve a longer winter break. Classes weren't even really done for us until the 24th. I'm just glad we're starting the new school year without Chris 3.
I saw the pictures from the Cliffs. Did it actually rain? Ashley definitely seems happy with Jacqueline. They look cute together. Are they just friends or more? Actually, don't answer that. I'll ask Ashley when you guys are up here. Also, since it's already the 30th, I am not entirely sure you will have time to respond to this before coming back. Actually, with the weird thing this system is doing, you might be on the ship before you see this message. In that case, tell me everything when you get here.
Thank you so much for getting snacks. We need all the snacks. I respect your uncle's stance on getting us cannabis. I'm also looking forward to the cake at the not-a-birthday party. I may like sweets a little too much, and I need as much cake as possible right now.
I agree with you on not wishing Jim a happy birthday. I don't even think it's all related to George. Frank did some shitty things on his birthday as well. I think Jim associates so many bad things with it that he can't celebrate anything on that day. I know he counts January 6 as his birthday now. January 4 is just what he's required to put on forms. Too bad you can't legally change your birthday. If anybody should be allowed to do that, it's definitely Jim.
I wish you luck in getting it to become a not-a-birthday party. I don't think you're successful since the elder Sulu sister has been on the ship. One of the large banquet facilities is now filled with what looks like birthday balloons. At least you tried. I'm sure the babies will have fun with that.
I'm so happy that the babies will get to come on the ship, even if it's just going to be overnight. I'm glad we get to see them again. I am sad that I didn't get to stay down there, but mom is wary of me being away too long. I'm surprised she didn't freak out while I was on new Vulcan. My mother said she completely trusted your mom and Olivia.
You should know that all the Enterprise minor programs moms and mom figures are friends. They have their own little chat group where they drink wine and talk about things. Well, except for Chris 3's mom. I think she was too busy to actually go to that. If she did maybe, she would have realized what was going on before he did something that got him kicked out. I hear rumbles of reform school. I don't know if that's going to help. It didn't help Jeremy. He graduated to puppy murder.
Anyway, I can't wait till you get back. I miss you guys. We'll see you soon.
To be continued…