Chapter 34: Parai Kuklos 2
TW: panic attack/ verbal abuse *
After the chaotic encounter with Doctor Megi, Kuroo was expecting the worst. However, he was pleasantly surprised by how well the following week went.
So far, Keiji was doing okay. Sure, some of his pre-rut behaviors were now showing up in full force, but nothing to worry about really. He still had moments of disconnection from reality, though they now stretched to about twenty minutes of pacing around, compared to barely five minutes before. His appetite was… gargantuan, to say the least, but now he wasn't trying to suppress it and pretend to eat reasonable portions.
And then there were the rocks. Keiji still brought them back as pieces of offerings but now Kuroo wasn't the sole recipient, everyone could enjoy… a good rock.
Well, and he was horny all hour of day and night.
But now that his pre-rut had restarted naturally, it had triggered his mates' cycle as well.
While Kenma didn't seem to have changed much, apart from some mood swings from time to time, Kōtarō was another story. It was less obvious than Keiji, but he also had mood swings, going from laughter to tears in the blink of an eye; he also ingested an insane amount of food too (which was understandable since Kuroo had learned that he would practically stop eating altogether once in estrus). And finally... he was pretty horny too, matching his mate's appetite. All in all, that last one wasn't that bad, now that they could balance each other out, Kuroo could take a break.
Tetsurō had adapted to this new situation quite easily. However, he quickly realized that there were some negative aspects to it: with Akaashi being off suppressants and instinctively wanting to show to the whole world that this was the case, he tended to, subtly, mark Tetsurō whenever he had the chance. He would never forget the day he went to class after what seemed like a simple innocent morning cuddle session. At first, he didn't quite understand the avoiding glances and the crowds of students moving away from him whenever he passed by. Oikawa quickly made him understand why: apparently, the alpha's pre-rut scent wasn't necessarily to everyone's liking, as his friend kindly pointed out to him, after giving him a beautiful rendition of Edward Cullen meeting Bella Swann for the first time in biology class.
In the end, Kuroo had to sit at the other end of the lecture hall. Even there, one of the students had to open the window to catch their breath.
That's how Tetsurō discovered the existence of pheromone-blocking shower gels, capable of quieting down the "my boyfriends are super horny and Akaashi Keiji will come to pick a fight with you if you get too close" sent.
Oikawa could tolerate being in his presence, even if he had to cover half of his face with his scarf to have a conversation with him. Needless to say, Tetsurō had given up on going to the CATO meetings, not particularly wanting to inflict that on all his friends. Fortunately, he still had Chirs, who stuck with him despite everything, both of them basking in their beta olfactory ignorance.
Even though it wasn't exactly pleasant for him to be in this situation, he wasn't to be pitied either: despite Akaashi's attempts to mitigate the olfactory effects of his condition by all means, he wasn't very successful. Eventually, he had to stop going to class, as he no longer could stay in the presence of so many people, and reciprocally, his presence wasn't pleasant to everyone around. He still worked at the Fukuro, but now Kenma had to drive him there and pick him up every day, and he was relegated to the kitchens. The task, normally assigned to Komi-san, had fallen to him because his presence at the counter not only disturbed his colleagues, but also tended to drive away customers.
All in all, they were doing okay.
For the time being, at least.
-/-
"No, Oikawa! Did you listen to anything I said?! What the hell is your carbon doing there all alone!"
As Kuroo leaned over the sheet to point out the mistake to his friend, the latter held his breath as if he were about to dive into the Pacific Ocean. He buried his face in his scarf and moved as far away from Kuroo without changing his position. Kuroo sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Don't be dramatic."
"I'm not! I'm doing my best there."
Kuroo pouted:
"Yes you are! I haven't seen him for two days, I have clean clothes, and I washed with that damn thing that stinks and cost an arm, you're being dramatic!"
Oikawa took a breath, but quickly regretted it, feeling dizzy.
"I'm not you… Where the fuck did you wash your clothes?"
"What?! Oh, come on! It's fine, I washed everything at…" he glanced down at his T-shirt "Oh... at Kenma's. Ok, but they were hanged in the basement, and I..."
Oikawa raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe I left them unattended for a while..."
Oikawa rolled his eyes.
"Great."
"Come on, don't be ridiculous!"
"I'm not! It's not my fault !"
"Okay, fine, I'll sit at the picnic table over there and yell while waving pieces of paper!"
"Good!"
"I was kidding, I'm not going to... Oh, okay, give me that!"
Oikawa handed him his biochemistry exercise sheet and Kuroo went to sit at the neighboring table. As he began jotting down explanations on a separate draft, he stopped when his phone vibrated. It was a text from Keiji, that made no sense at all.
"What?" he murmured to himself.
He received a second text, just as cryptic as the first one.
"What's up?" Oikawa asked, raising his voice so Kuroo could hear.
"I don't know... Keiji is sending me weird texts... But he's supposed to be at work... wait, I'll call him."
He hoped that a gang hadn't kidnapped Keiji. Maybe he had tried to call for help by tapping on his phone with his hands tied up behind his back? He could be trapped in the trunk of a car headed for the desert! The desert? What desert?!
Well, all things considered, in his condition, the desert would be more pleasant for him than Tokyo... He decided to call nonetheless. Even if he would be better off living in the desert right now, if he was tied up in the trunk of a car, he certainly did not consent to it (as far as he was aware).
He relaxed when his boyfriend picked up on the second ring:
"Love? You're okay?"
"Oh..."
The sound of his voice had just done some strange loops.
"Yeah, I'm fine!"
Kuroo frowned.
"Aren't you at work?"
"Nope... No, not at all."
Okay... if he didn't know him better, he might think that Keiji was drunk at... 4 pm on a weekday.
"Keiji... Are you drunk?"
"No... Drunk? No. Tipsy, maybe, but drunk? No."
"What? Why did you start drinking in the middle of the afternoon like that?"
"To celebrate."
"To celebrate what ?"
"They suspended me until the end of the month..."
"Oh..."
"So I'm celebrating!"
"...Okay... where are you now?"
"At home."
"Okay, are you alone?"
"Is that Testu? Babe! Where are you? Come over!" Kōtarō yelled through the receiver.
Kuroo had to move the phone away from his ear to protect his eardrums. Kōtarō's voice didn't sound sober either.
"Kō... what's going on..."
"And bring more drinks!" Kenma shouted.
The call was immediately cut off. Kuroo moved his phone away from his ear and looked at it for a long moment, deeply disturbed.
"What's wrong?" asked Oikawa, without moving closer.
"I... I think my boyfriends are drunk in the middle of the afternoon."
Oikawa seemed equally shocked.
"Uh... Sorry, I need to check on them… See you tomorrow!"
He grabbed his bag and ran as fast as he could to the nearest subway station. When he arrived at Kenma's, almost an hour had passed, and Kuroo was worried about the amount of alcoholic beverages his boyfriends had managed to consume in the meantime. As requested by Kenma, he had brought some beers, but he still wondered if it was really wise. Should he be the responsible one? Yes, it was early, but they were all grown-ups, he didn't really have to intervene, right?
Shouts of joy erupted as Kuroo stepped into the living room. He chuckled, detecting the boozy enthusiasm of their welcome. Kōtarō sprawled across the couch with a beer in hand, as was Kenma sitting between his legs, and Keiji slouched in his armchair, cradling yet another beer? Judging by the number of empty bottles scattered around, Kuroo could guess that their impromptu party had started a while ago.
"What the heck are you guys doing?"
"Having a little drink," Kōtarō replied.
"From what I can see, it's more than just a little drink…" Kuroo retorted, picking up a few bottles that had rolled onto the floor.
"Pfft," Kenma replied, waving his hand as if to dismiss his deceitful words, "did you bring the booze?"
"Just beers."
"Lame…"
The brunet sighed and took the beers out of his backpack, placing them on the coffee table. Kuroo grabbed one, deciding to "celebrate" with his boyfriends as well. He was about to speak again when Keiji called out to him. Turning around, he saw his boyfriend's pupils dilate as their eyes met. Keiji began to purr loudly and opened his arms wide. Tetsurō chuckled but joined him nonetheless. He soon found himself in a rather uncomfortable position as Keiji insisted on squeezing him tightly against his chest, all this in a slightly too narrow single-seat armchair in which Keiji was already sitting askew. He didn't mind and managed to accommodate himself. Yes, half of his body was hanging in the air and he would most certainly have a horrible backache very soon, but he would deal with it. For now, he was just enjoying a nice embrace with his very drunk boyfriend.
With a few contortions that would surely give hil a stiff neck, Kuroo managed to lift his head to meet his lover's gaze.
"Are you okay?"
"Hm... I'm drunk in the middle of the afternoon," he simply replied.
Using contraction? Good grief this man was very drunk!
"Why did they suspend you?"
Keiji raised an eyebrow. The reason was indeed quite obvious.
"I'm sorry Love."
The brunet shrugged.
"Well," Kenma intervened, "it was about time. He's insufferable!"
"Kenma..." Kuroo interjected, not entirely sure if rubbing salt into the wound was the most delicate thing to do.
However, to his surprise, the remark made Akaashi laugh.
"No but wait, I went shopping, I thought it would be fine since there was almost no one inside the kombini. Guess what? He managed to growl at the four poor guys inside."
Kuroo frowned. Akaashi Keiji, growling at someone in public? Using contraction and growling in public? Something was definitely very wrong.
The remark made the concerned party laugh again.
"They were looking at you," the brunet tried to defend himself.
"They were looking at me?" insisted the blond. "Oh well yes then, what a terrible thing to do!"
"No, but they were looking at you inappropriately,"
Kuroo guessed from his expression that he wasn't entirely sure of his argument.
"Inappropriately, my ass. It's not me they were looking at, it was you!"
Kōtarō chuckled, and Keiji rolled his eyes.
"The nerve, really," Kenma continued. "The guy fucks my boyfriends shamelessly and has the audacity to act jealous!"
Kuroo almost choked on his beer, shocked by the content of his words. However, once again to his great surprise, the other two burst out laughing.
"Someone's got to do it," muttered Akaashi.
The situation was becoming increasingly surreal. Kuroo turned to see Kenma's reaction, but the latter seemed amused by his answer.
"Oh, the nerve! For your information, I'm doing just fine, thank you."
Keiji and Kōtarō seemed to agree with this statement.
"Don't look so surprised," Kenma interrupted when he saw Kuroo's expression. "At least I focus on my task. I'm not the mastermind behind many projects, but when I am, I know how to get the job done."
What a strange metaphor.
How much alcohol had they ingested for Kenma to become lewd? Don't get him wrong, he didn't see anything wrong with it, but coming from him, it was rather…unusual.
"Oh no, I see through your game now, sir. You're playing it cool, but you're secretly building your little omega harem and jealously guarding it to yourself," the blond continued.
"Well... what about me?" Kuroo intervened.
"You don't count!"
"What do you mean I don't count?"
"No, it's not the same, you're a beta, you get me."
He did not.
"Of course," Keiji said, rolling his eyes. He didn't seem particularly inclined to come to Kuroo's defense either. "Jealously guarding? Are we really sure about that one? I mean, we all remember Kōtarō's first year of college. 'Jealously guarding' isn't exactly how I'd describe it."
"Oh yes, the infamous 'hoe phase.'"
Keiji and Kenma chuckled in unison.
"Hey!" Kōtarō finally intervened.
"I'm not judging, it's fact, that's all."
"Hoe phase?" Kuroo finally asked.
"When Kōtarō started college, he was… insatiable."
"How many people did you end up dating in the end?" Kenma asked, leaning against Bokuto's chest, looking up to meet his gaze.
"I don't know... Officially? Four, five?"
"And unofficially?"
"Oh... I don't know anymore..."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know, like... seventeen?"
"Seventeen!" exclaimed Tetsurō, more for the sake of drama than genuine shock.
"It's not that much!"
"No... But the quality wasn't there either," Kenma commented.
"Oh, don't be like that, it was fine. Remember Aki? He was cute..."
"Hmm... that's true... And he was a good cook too... But he was a pain in the ass and super jealous."
"Hmm... It was complicated... Oh! Mayumi!"
"Yeah, ok, she was cool," Kenma conceded. "What's she up to now?"
"She married the drummer from her band, she's expecting a kid."
"Cool. How many months?"
Kuroo frowned, the information just sinking in. He interrupted their conversation.
"You've dated a girl?"
Kōtarō looked up at him, staring as if he had just said the most absurd thing ever:
"Well... Yeah... Several actually."
"Several?"
Kenma and Kōtarō looked at each other. Kōtarō met his gaze again.
"Well... Babe... it's... it's not that surprising. You... you know I'm pan, right?"
Kuroo fell silent...
"No, I didn't know."
"Oh well, there you go."
Kenma burst into laughter:
"Like his momies and daddies, so cute."
The remark amused Kōtarō. He pinched his mate's hip and Kenma almost choked on his beer.,
"Anyway, see Keiji, at least Kōtarō tried to diversify a little!" Kenma continued. Kuroo could still see the mischievous gleam in his eyes; he wouldn't let go anytime soon. "I'm sure you've never hooked up with another alpha before."
Akaashi seemed to consider it.
"Hmm... Yes I did."
"Really? Come on, don't make shit up!"
"Oh no, it's true, I can confirm it," Bokuto intervened.
Kenma frowned.
"You can confirm it?"
"Yeah, I was there."
"You were there?"
"Yeah... Do you remember Keigo?"
"Yes."
"Well, there you go."
Kenma chuckled.
"You even hook up with your mates' boyfriends, that's saying something."
Akaashi rolled his eyes, a smirk eventually forming on his lips.
"You're all talk, you're the one who threw a fit in the car because I was just flirting a tiny bit with that one "
"Me?" Tetsurō asked.
"It's not the same!"
"How is it not the same?"
"Because it's Jiji!"
Kuroo smiled.
"Well, you too, Kenma, with Yūji," Bokuto intervened.
"You dated Yūji?" Kuroo asked.
"No, not at all, what about Yūji?"
"Well, I don't know, remember when I found you too tied up like a roast beef?"
"Oh, what! They were teaching me bondage!"
"You do bondage?"
"A bit, I'm not too bad at it either..."
"Hmm... Good to know."
The blond raised an eyebrow, a smile forming on his lips.
"If you get robbed, you can tie up the thief artistically, that's something," the brunet added.
The other three chuckled.
"And you, babe?"
"Me, what?"
"How many people did you date?"
Kuroo thought about the question.
"Officially?"
"Hm?"
"Hmm... Let's see... Four, five."
"And unofficially?"
He paused.
"Like, if I count one-night stands and everything?"
"Well, since we're at it."
He fell silent. He wasn't really sure he wanted to reveal this information now.
"Um... let's say I also had my 'hoe phase' when I started college."
"How many?" Kenma insisted.
Kuroo muttered something inaudible. Only Keiji heard his response and almost choked on his beer.
"What did he say?" the blond hastened to ask.
"Eighty!"
Kuroo found himself with two pairs of additional eyes fixed on him.
"No, I'm maybe over-estimating it... sixty... maybe less. Wait... two... three... times, how many weeks is there in a year?"
"52 weeks. Three different partners per week would be… around 150 I guess." Kenma said.
"See, I'm definitely below that… I think. It's fine."
The blond burst into laughter. Bokuto still looked at him, torn between shock and admiration.
"Oh yeah, premium hoe phase!"
Kōtarō and Keiji chuckled in unison.
"Yeah, okay... But well, given that it greatly deteriorated my relationship with intimacy for years after, not sure it was the best idea I've ever had..."
His boyfriends nodded in agreement.
"But you know, even if I had the opportunity, I've never tried bondage," Tetsurō chimed in.
"I could teach you if you want," Kenma offered.
"With pleasure!"
Kuroo couldn't help but smirk.
He looked up to catch Keiji's gaze.
"Would you be interested?"
"Hmm..."
He glanced into his beer.
"No."
He replied almost childishly, the spontaneity of his response made Tetsurō laugh.
"Really?"
"No."
"Why?"
He pondered, but Kuroo could tell he was about to give him a silly answer.
"Because I want you to remain pure for our marriage."
Kuroo chuckled.
"Well, darn it, I think it's too late for that."
"Hmm..."
"But don't worry, apparently it doesn't count because I'm a beta."
"No, you count," Keiji murmured.
He wrapped his arms around him, like a child clutching his favorite teddy bear. He really needed to stop drinking.
"Oh, you see Kenma, Keiji said that..."
He turned but discovered that the blond wasn't going to respond any time soon since he was busy passionately kissing Kōtarō.
"Hmm."
Keiji rested his head against his.
"I love you," he whispered.
"Pfft, me too."
Tetsurō managed to contort himself enough to turn, now facing the brunet. He placed his hands on his face and leaned in to kiss him.
"Are you going to be okay?" Kuroo asked.
"With?"
"Work, school... You."
"Hmm, yes... I have some catching up to do with my reading, it will be an opportunity. If my brain decides to cooperate."
"Hmm, sounds good to me."
"Onanism also seems like an interesting pastime."
Kuroo burst into laughter.
"Much more fun than Goethe, that's for sure."
"Indeed. Although, you might be surprised."
Tetsurō raised an eyebrow.
"Really, perhaps we could find a common activity: you with bondage, while I read you Faust," Keiji suggested.
"Hmm, I can't wait!"
They chuckled in unison.
As they were about to kiss again, they jumped at the sound of Kenma shouting.
"Oh! I just remembered we have Whiskey!"
And he dashed off to fetch said beverage.
Kuroo sighed... He wasn't quite sure he'd be able to wake up the next morning for his eight o'clock class.
"Ji? A shot?"
And screw it, to hell with that awful Nobishi.
"Fire it."
It won't surprise you to learn that he bitterly regretted it the next morning.
-/-
Although starting on a festive note, Keiji didn't seem to appreciate his forced quarantine. He managed keep up appearances, but when Kuroo interacted with him, he could see that it was beginning to weigh on him. It wasn't loneliness that was causing his distress, though: Tetsurō tried to come over as often as possible, Kōtarō also came straight home after his classes, and Kenma was home most of the time.
Akaashi was frustrated. He was frustrated at not being able to do anything interesting with his days because of the restlessness of his body and mind. He could go out into the small garden behind the house, but he didn't allow himself any excursions beyond that perimeter. He became more and more irritable, but never expressed his feelings explicitly. He could abruptly shut down in the middle of a conversation, claim that everything was fine, and then not speak to anyone for hours. The causes of this agitation, however, were understandable and often legitimate.
For example, he had asked Kōtarō several times to bring him something from the university bookstore and each time, Kōtarō had replied that he had forgotten. The third time, Akaashi had simply closed his eyes, taken a deep breath and gone back to his room. He didn't talk to anyone until the evening. Kuroo had finally "come to his rescue" by going to get what he needed once and for all, but the damage had already been done..
However, no major events had occurred that day, which was rather a good sign.
"Did you check if there was a passage downstairs?"
"Where?"
"There's a wall, but maybe you can break through it?"
"Hmm, maybe."
Tetsurō and Kenma were slouched on the blond's bed, in the dark. Only the light from the console in Kenma's hands illuminated the room. Tetsurō enjoyed these moments. It reminded him of the weekends they spent together as children. The only difference now was that this activity involved much more cuddling than it did back then, which he didn't mind at all.
"We need to find a way to break through."
"Hmm... well, go back into the tunnel and see if we can find something."
They simultaneously looked up upon hearing Kōtarō and Keiji bickering in the kitchen. They chuckled as they understood that the argument had to do with how to cut leeks and the potential addition of kombu. It wasn't unusual for them to argue over such trivial matters, so they returned to their main activity.
"Maybe we can come back later..."
"Yeah, but where do we continue from here?"
The tone was gradually escalating between their other two boyfriends, who were now discussing cooking times.
Suddenly, Keiji's voice snapped, "Shut up and stop."*
Kuroo shudder. Turning his eyes, Tetsurō found the blond almost out of breath, his eyes wide with panic. He quickly regained composure, jumped up, tossed his console onto the bed, and rushed out of his room. Tetsurō followed him, equally concerned. He was afraid to understand what had just happened.
When he arrived in the kitchen, he found Kōtarō crouched on the floor. His breathing was erratic, his eyes vacant, stunned by the shock. Keiji stood in front of him, repeating his apologies over and over, tears streaming down his face. Kenma walked past Keiji, pushing him without using any force. He crouched down in front of Kōtarō.
"Kōtarō, look at me..."
He had to take his mate's face in his hands for his gaze to refocus.
"There you go, good, breathe Kōtarō, breathe. Look at me, it's going to be okay."
"Kōtarō, I did not mean to..."
As Keiji approached, Kenma turned, raising his hand to prevent him from taking another step. His gaze was devoid of animosity or rage, only concerned. Keiji halted, and the blond returned to Kōtarō, embracing him this time. His lover welcomed the embrace, shaking and in tears.
Keiji's features contorted with the pain of his guilt. He abruptly turned and rushed away, leaving the front door open, and bounding down the stairs.
Kuroo stood there, for a moment. He briefly met Kenma's gaze and understood.
He ran after Keiji.
He raced down the street, his head heavy and his body agitated. He remembered Kōtarō's words when they returned from the doctor's office:
"I think he's scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Of himself."
-/-
Kuroo had searched for Keiji for an hour, maybe more, mapping all the streets around the house and then further, but he couldn't find Keiji. Finally, he had given up, but he had not yet returned. Instead, he had wandered the streets, embraced by the softness of the night. He had walked to the park and taken the time to catch his breath and clear his mind.
When he came back to his boyfriends' house, he found the keys left behind the gate so he could come in. He was greeted by a grim silence when he opened the front door. He went up the stairs and arrived in the living room. It was dark and silent. The atmosphere inside had lost some of its electric dread, but heaviness still lingered, so dense that it was almost suffocating.
Kuroo eventually made his way down the hallway. He stopped in front of Kenma's room, seeing light filtering through the door. Kenma's voice reached him before he could knock:
"You can come in."
He didn't reply but lowered the handle. He was greeted by the golden glimmers of the fairy lights coursing through the room when he entered. The atmosphere inside was quite different from the rest of the house, soft and comforting.
Tetsurō stood in the doorway, not wanting to break the invisible bubble that had formed all around.
"Come," Kenma said.
He approached cautiously, and Kenma watched him come without saying anything. As he got closer, Tetsurō noticed that Kōtarō was curled up against Kenma's side. The blond had wrapped his arm around his mate, keeping him close, protecting him. Kōtarō seemed asleep, but Kuroo could hear his purring echoing Kenma's. However, it was nothing like the purring he knew: it was a deep, restless sound, not expressing contentment, but rather dispelling anxiety and soothing himself. Kuroo's heart ached at the sight. He knelt at the edge of the bed, waiting for Kenma to invite him closer.
The blond blinked slowly and nodded. Kuroo instantly recognized the gesture and leaned in to rest his forehead against Kenma's. He finally lay down next to his lover.
"How is he?" the brunet murmured.
Kenma looked at Kōtarō, tightened his embrace, and met Kuroo's gaze again.
"Better, I think..."
He nodded. However, he couldn't shake off the worry weighing on his chest.
"Will he be okay?"
"Yes... it just shook him."
Silence stretched for a few moments.
"Was it a command?" Kuroo eventually asked.
Kenma nodded, his gaze still fixed on the omega nestled against him.
"Oh..."
"It wasn't even meant for me, but it..."
"Shook you pretty bad?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
"And Keiji?"
"Hm?"
"Are you mad at him?"
He had spoken in a whisper.
Kenma sighed.
"No... I don't know. Yes. I know he probably didn't mean to... He'd never done this before... I know it must be related to stopping the suppressants and all but… I'm having a hard time letting it go... If I go to him now, I'd be much more hurtful than I wish to be..."
"Okay..."
"Tetsu?"
"Hmm."
Their gazes met.
"He's not doing too good either. I'm angry, but I don't want him to be alone."
Kuroo had no difficulty understanding what he was asking of him.
"I looked for him but... I don't know where he is."
"He came back before you did, he's in his room."
Kuroo nodded. He straightened up, ran his fingers through Kōtarō's hair, kissed Kenma's temple, and turned to leave. As he was about to cross the threshold, the blond called out to him:
"If he says he want to be alone, insist... Please."
"Okay... Goodnight, love you."
"We love you too"
He closed the door behind him.
He found himself alone in the hallway, engulfed in its heaviness. He felt like he had entered another dimension. He turned his eyes toward Keiji's room: no light. He breathed in and headed there. He didn't know what he was feeling either, a strange mix of emotion he couldn't unravel.
He brought his fist to the door to announce his presence but stopped, relaxing his fingers to let them slide on the door. Long seconds passed, heavy. Before his consciousness had time to catch up, he regained his composure and knocked.
No response.
"Keiji?"
Still no response.
"Love?"
He spoke softly, with a tender and caressing tone.
This time, a sound between a hoarse growl and a whimper answered him.
"I'm coming in," the brunet announced, before following through.
The room was draped in darkness, and there was a heavy smell in the air. Kuroo recognized it as Akaashi's scent, tinged with a sour, dense note. The bed was empty, but he found on the floor a tangle of blankets rolled together. He let out a sad smile. The growling ceased. The brunet approached, examining the pile of blankets to determine which way Akaashi was facing.
"Keiji?"
The sound he emitted in response indicated that he was facing away from him. Kuroo circled around and crouched in front of the pile of blankets.
"Love..." the brunette murmured.
Keiji lifted a corner of a blanket, revealing his face. He seemed to have calmed down, but Kuroo could still read the pain in his features.
He smiled tenderly at him.
"You've made yourself a nest?"
"It's not a nest," he retorted.
"Oh, what is it then?"
"A cocoon."
"Oh... it looks comfortable. Can I come in?"
Akaashi seemed to consider it. Finally, he burrowed deeper into the cocoon and lifted the blankets as much as possible. Tetsurō slipped inside, making sure to rearrange the blankets so as not to disrupt the structure of the cocoon too much. Despite the darkness, Kuroo had no trouble discerning the curves of his lover's face, and the intensity of his gaze. Their eyes met, communicating silently.
Tetsurō placed his hands on Keiji's face, letting his fingers explore his skin: his eyelids, his cheeks, the outline of his lips... He stopped at the curves of his jaw. Kuroo smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He felt the atmosphere around them lighten.
"Are you okay?" he finally asked in a low voice.
"Can I say no?"
"Of course."
"Then no."
He kissed him again.
"Tetsurō..."
"Yes?"
Keiji said nothing more, but his face spoke for him. He saw his features distorted with remorse and sorrow; he felt the anger and disgust, the guilt, the helplessness he felt at that moment. And finally he gave in to tears, like a burst of stormy rain, violent and tormented.
"His face, Tetsurō... his face... it was as if I had stabbed him with my own hands. As if I had betrayed him... I did not intend to do that. I never meant to..."
His voice trailed off into sobs.
Kuroo listened, adding nothing, squeezing his hands in his.
"It was horrifying... I felt the anger rise. It was... brutal. I felt it was too much, and I did not know how to handle it. It slipped away from me.."
He gasped, and finally caught his breath.
"The worst thing is that... I felt so relieved. Then I saw Kōtarō's face and I understood..."
He was shaking, overwhelmed by guilt and grief. Tetsurō wiped away his tears.
"And Kenma... He is mad at me, again... rightfully. I am a bad person... I am a bad alpha..."
Kuroo frowned.
A bad alpha?
Keiji's rarely considered his secondary, it was strange to hear him say that…
Oh...
Kuroo understood.
"I think he's scared."
"Of what?"
"Of himself."
No.
He wasn't afraid of "himself."
He was afraid of the alpha.
"Keiji... Yes, Kenma is angry... but he knows it wasn't intentional."
"An unintentional manslaughter is still a manslaughter," the brunet retorted.
"Yeah, ok... but... I don't see a bad person or a bad alpha."
"You will have to explain that to me then."
He took his lover's face in his hands again; Keiji averted his eyes.
"First of all, I see someone terrified. Terrified of himself, and who has always lived in fear. The fear of losing control; of hurting those he cares about by losing control."
"Too bad, that is exactly what just happened!"
"Maybe... But we have to move forward. It might be hard, yes. But you are in control, and you won't lose it, you have to learn to tame it, Keiji."
They eyes met again.
"There's not you, and the alpha. There's just you."
Keiji looked terrified.
"It means that yes, you can't blame it for what happened. Yes, it's certainly not nothing. But it also means that it can't take control over you, he can't push you aside. It means you can do something to learn, to not be afraid anymore, so it doesn't happen again."
Tears started streaming down Keiji's face again.
"Love... You are one of the most gentle, tender, and caring person I have ever met. These things are part of you. This anger too, this impulsiveness, they are also part of you, even if it's scary... And you can do something about it. Tame it... tame yourself."
His lover let out a heavy sigh.
"It is quite hard to hear..."
"Maybe... But am I wrong?"
"I guess not."
They remained silent for a long while, until Keiji's tears dried up, and the pain left him. He caught his breath.
"Thank you, Tetsurō."
The latter smiled at him. He placed a kiss on his forehead and rubbed his nose against his. Keiji smiled. But worry soon found it's way back into is heart.
"I need to apologize... I need to talk to him..."
"He's sleeping right now, he's with Kenma. Will talk tomorrow."
Keiji nodded.
"I do not know how I am going to face them tomorrow..."
"Firstly, you're not going to 'face' them, they're not gladiators in an arena."
His counterpart chuckled.
"And then we'll talk together, and we'll see. Okay?"
"Okay."
They continued to talk for a long time, embracing tightly there, in that strange cocoon on the floor. Tetsurō stayed awake until he heard Keiji finally fall asleep. Once he heard his breathing calm down and his body grow heavy with sleep, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep himself.
-/-
Kuroo opened his eyes. Keiji had just wrapped himself in the blankets, leaving him lying on the cold floor. The sunlight streamed through half-closed shutters, painting the room in the soft hues. Tetsurō groaned and sat up, understanding immediately why Akaashi had hidden: Kōtarō was standing there, in the doorway.
He closed the door behind him and approached. His gaze met Kōtarō's: his face showed no discernible emotion, only his eyes pierced through him.
They held each other's gaze in silence.
Kuroo watched as he approached and sat beside him Without a word, Kōtarō leaned in, rubbing his head gently against Kuroo's, and turned his gaze towards the cocoon. Kuroo moved aside to make room for him as Kōtarō lay down, resting his head on the pile of blankets. He let out a small sound, a mix of chirping and purring. Keiji seemed to understand. He lifted his head from the cocoon, and their eyes met. Neither of them spoke, but they understood each other. Keiji was on the verge of tears again. He broke eye contact, looking away.
Bokuto moved closer, pressing his forehead softly against Keiji's.
"I forgive you,"
Keiji understood his gesture, his silence. He closed his eyes, tears streaming down heavily. Kōtarō opened his arms and held him tightly. Only the rustle of fabric and their breathing broke the silence.
Kuroo allowed himself a small smile, but the sound of the door creaking open drew his attention. Kenma entered quietly, his presence commanding without a word. Keiji sat up, the cocoon collapsing around him. They locked eyes for a long moment, yet both remained still. Finally, Kenma approached and sat facing Keiji. He glanced at Kōtarō, who had also sat up, holding Akaashi's hand in his. The blond nodded, then turned his gaze back to Keiji. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a few seconds, then knelt down. Akaashi followed his movement with his eyes. Kenma cradled Keiji's face gently in his hands, and his mate immediately closed his eyes. The blond pressed his forehead against his, before drawing him into a firm embrace.
For now, no words were necessary.
For the moment, no words were necessary.
Outside, the sky was gray.
-end of the chapter-
Happy new year !
Next chapter : Kuklos I
It was 5:12 in the morning when Kuroo received the following text from Kenma: "It's time." A rather cryptic message to receive while rolling out of bed. The situation became clearer, or rather its urgency became clearer, when he then received, "We're on our way, we'll pick you up in 15-20 minutes."