march, 2006
Naomi
…
I phased. Seth left. Bella came looking for me. Paul imprinted her. So did the others. And that's it. Life continued on.
…
july, 2006
…
I heard my door slam open and an angry voice from a voice I knew well.
"You gave up?"
My eyes opened to my dresser and my head lifting as I blinked away sleep and looked up to an exasperated Seth Swan.
"Huh?"
"You. Gave. Up?"
I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes and ran a hand through my hair, "What are you talking about?" I looked back at him, I met his eyes.
Nothing happened.
His eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean what am I talking about? You gave up on us, on this!"
I stared at him for a moment in silence, and then I realized, of course, he would know. I can smell her scent lingering on him.
"Seth, we never had anything. What we had was a high school fling, nothing else."
"What?... We went through…"
"I know… and it's childish to keep going through it."
"What?" I don't think I've ever seen him so hurt. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yes." I truly meant it too.
He went to speak but he closed his mouth as he stared at me, searching my eyes. "Why would you… give up?"
"I don't want to talk anymore."
"Naomi."
"Seth, it's done. It's over with. We can go back to our lives." I said getting up and opening drawers to my dresser.
"So, that's it? After everything?..."
"After everything." I didn't feel a fucking thing.
"Please tell me you're joking."
"No." I replied simply, meeting his eyes again.
He stared at me for a moment. I couldn't read him. He turned and he left. I turned back to my dresser and pulled out clothes.
…
2007
…
2008
…
2009
…
2010
…
2011
…
2012
…
2013
…
I threw away the envelope addressed to me from Seth. I took out the garbage since it was full anyway.
…
2014
…
2015
…
2016
…
2017
…
2018
…
I just remember staring at the doctor in shock when he told me about the car accident with Dad and Charlie.
Something snapped in my chest.
I was filled with a cold, numbness that left my vision in a constant blur.
…
2019
…
2020
…
2021
…
2022
…
2023
…
I seen a light. It was so bright. I stepped towards it, reaching out my hand.
"Naomi." I know that voice.
I know that voice anywhere.
"Mama?"
"Hi, baby girl."
Sarah Black smiled at me, she reached out her hand to me, her hand was warm and soft against my right cheek as she pushed hair out of my face. She looks just like me but her eyes are almond shaped, and her hair is so long. Longer than I have ever gotten my hair too, glistening like black ink, she was just as beautiful as I remembered her, if I ever allowed myself to think about her.
I felt my throat close and hot tears bubble in my eyes. I stepped fully into the light. "Mama—"
…
may, 1995
…
"Mama." I looked up at her in the kitchen chair with her head in her hands and her hair covering her face from my view. "Mama."
She turned to me, pushing her long hair out of her face, she wiped tears from her face. "Hi, baby girl."
"Mama?" I reached up on my tippy toes to get a better look at her face, she smoothed out my hair from the crown of my head to the back of my head.
"Yes, baby."
"Why are you crying?"
She sniffles and gives me a smile, "Oh, it's nothing, baby. Come here." She wiped her face and opened her arms.
I climbed into her lap without a second thought, "Mama, I know you're sad."
She tries to chuckle to reassure me, but I know better, I always know when Mama is upset. She can't lie to me. She can try but she can't. She smoothed out my hair and wraps me in a motherly embrace, kissing my head and her shoulder shake.
"I know," She inhales shakily, she runs her fingers through my hair, "I know you do… my sweet girl," her arms tighten around me and she begins to sob.
I stared at the tabletop, listening to her heartbeat, listening to her cry, I just closed my eyes and allowed this love I felt for her to radiate from me. She enclosed her arms tighter and cries harder.
"Don't ever be afraid to love somebody… no matter who it is…"
Why was she saying that?
"Please don't forget to dance…"
Dance?
"Please don't be afraid to ever… fight for what is yours… I hope you don't forget to dance…"
Silence as she cries softly, and recovers.
"I love you, mama."
She ran her fingers through my hair, "I love you too, babygirl."
…
mid-february, 2006
…
I looked over at my stereo playing that song again. My hands falling away from my Camaro as I straightened up and listened to the opening chorus.
"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder…"
I sat down on the crate next to my Camaro with the same dead empty feeling within my entire body. I listened to the entire song. It felt like I was sitting here for hours.
Life is… life is so… life.
I don't understand… why is this happening? Why? Shouldn't it be over now? I gave up. Shouldn't everything go back to the way it was? …
My mind went silent as I stood up and continued working.
Either way, I couldn't take back my decision. What is done, is done.
It's done.
…
may, 2038
…
I seen that light again. No one greeted me when I stepped into it this time… or anytime after that.
…
february, 2006
…
I sighed when I woke up in my childhood bed.
"When will this end?" I asked myself as I got out of bed, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and AGAIN.
…
july, 2054
…
The light.
…
march, 2006
…
I woke up again.
…
december, 2033
…
The light.
…
april, 2008
…
I woke up again.
…
january, 2007
…
The light. What did you expect?
…
january, 2006
…
I woke again…
…
september, 3086
…
The light…
…
may, 2016
…
I woke… again.
…
february, 7082
…
The light… again…
…
february, 2006
…
I woke up… again.
…
april, 2025
…
The light.
…
august, 2005
…
I woke up… again. Biggest fucking sigh of my life.
…
june, 5063
…
The light.
…
november, 2008
…
I woke…
…
10,958
…
Light… again.
…
june, 2012
…
I woke up again.
I got out of bed, in my dorm room with one other roommate. I showered. I got dressed. I went to the kitchen to eat. I ate. I finished getting ready for classes. I left the house for patrol.
I graduated college. I graduated college. That's a first, isn't it? Yeah it is, you're proud? Aww, thanks, don't let it get to my head. That has been set in stone when the knowledge of my forfeit uncovered.
I don't even care…
They're all alive and they're all safe.
And they were all passing away when it was their time. That's what I've wanted, and that's what I chose. They could hate me for giving up, but they're alive and they have long lives. Every one of them lived long lives, even if we keep living this over and over and over again. But it's not because of me. My land is safe, my family is safe, she doesn't come around and that's all over wanted.
Wait a fucking minute. Are you seriously just going to forget about what the fuck that bitch said? My mind demanded.
I stopped in my tracks in a quiet pack mind.
She said the curse was working. That Seth. A mental image of Seth Swan flashed before my eyes, isn't Seth. This. A mental image of Seth Clearwater, This is Seth… the voice in my head trailed off.
And then my mind was running a mile a minute. Replaying old lives continuously, my head was already raging with a migraine. This mental spiral increased into a physical pulse that I had no choice to phase out and scream in pain clutching my head until I physically couldn't stand. I collapsed to the forest floor.
So cold.
Wet from the inconceivable rain.
So cold.
So… inviting.
You're fucking losing it, Naomi. I know, I don't care.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up as a cold breeze hit me in the back like a suffocating weighted blanket, my heart jumping into my throat as my body went completely frozen in place. A sweet scent that made me want to vomit immediately, a sweet scent of rotting fruit and blood, heat and ice in waves creating an effect of gravity pushing down on me. Everything in my being screaming for me to run, that I was in the middle of danger, right in the middle of something that could take my life. Screaming for me to fight, screaming for me to run. I couldn't move. Fear began to prickle my skin, increasing my heat beat ascending it into my ears, I was shaking with a crippling weak numbness in my limbs.
I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. Something was here and for the fucking life of me I couldn't get myself to fucking move! Fear, and anger coursed through my veins and into the very tissues of my bones.
I gasped for breath as the numbing weakness traveled to my chest, increasing my shaking to petrified tremors. The feminine voice that murmured sinisterly amused in my left ear chuckled airily.
"Have you ever tasted human flesh?"
My eyes flickered to my left, trembling violently in fear and anger paralyzed in place, a red unnatural eye looked back at me. My heart stuttered painfully in my chest, beating faster and harder than it ever has before, it hurt with every strong beat against my ribcage. I could hear the intentions in consuming red iris to her pupil, white and lined with ink black eye lashes, her eyes wide open as if in shock but the crinkle of her forehead said otherwise. Permanently set in happiness.
"Have you ever felt the hot tender flesh of a terrified meat bag begging to live?" She asked with pure sinister curiosity. I gasped again, her blood-red lips pulled up into an overjoyed smile against the white porcelain skin of her face. "Have you smelt the very potency of their meaty flesh?" Her voice got higher with every word from the feminine alto tone, and her words becoming more rushed with every word. "The very potent flavor of their blood? The crunch of their bones when you break their body apart?" She chortled evilly, she relaxed with a deep inhale and exhale and slowly stepped around to face me. "I am still surprised that you are alive within my presence." Her left hand slowly reached out to my face as she spoke slowly with delight and amazement, by the time she said Alice her index finger came out. A long sharp nail poked through the first couple layers of skin an inch above my eyebrow.
"You are managing to keep yourself alive… impressive. How?" Her nail hit bone; I was frozen in place hyperventilating with petrified tears streaming down my face. "Just like the other she-wolf… strong." I screamed as she swiped her nail down, slicing through my eyebrow diagonally through my right eye, through the flesh of my cheekbone, down my cheek, my jaw and then to my throat before her fist came to the center of my chest.
I felt her very fist break the bones of my sternum before I was flying backwards and into the wall and everything went dark.
Her laugh was waterlogged, spaced out as my vision spun.
"You didn't… answer my… question…"
I felt my body relaxing into a warm blanket. Oh. Oh, this is nice. So peaceful. So relaxing, everything slowing down. I want this peace. I want this peace that was eternal. No worries. No responsibilities. No… life. Just… rest.
Am I dying?
"Are you dying on me?... That's no fun…"
I screamed and writhed at the blood red flames engulfing my body as if something wrapped around my neck, like a thick chain squeezing my throat in on itself. I clawed at my neck, my nails clawed into tense flesh harshly before I felt myself claw at what I wanted.
My eyes snapped open to the early dawn light coming through the trees above me, the breeze rustled the treetops. I blinked twice before I sat up with my mind replaying the whole day and my death.
I stared at that walls of trees for a few seconds before I released the scream deep in my chest.
Screaming at the top of my lungs with each deep, intense emotion swirling around in my chest and body. Screaming even while tears streamed down my face and my scream was going hoarse. Screaming even while Sam and the others showed up.
The sky grieved with me, sending down sheeting rain. Wind swaying the treetops.
Screaming over the lives lost. Screaming over the constant change of my reality. Screaming over every encounter. Screaming over my inability to see her coming, inability to do more than I did. Screaming over the utter demonic energy of her being. Screaming over the utter demonic energy of murderous desire. Screaming over the lives that were being affected.
Lightning and thunder in distance, echoing with a deep rumble of rage.
The souls that forever changing and being tampered with. Screaming over the severity of it all.
Screaming over the lives I will have to consistently protect from the same thing over and over. Screaming over the fragility of my mentality. Screaming over the sheer rage and grief boiling in my chest with continuous fire. My screaming died down to sobs, falling down my face as the earth decided to give cleansing and comfort with light drizzling rain.
The tournament. My mind chorused, silencing as thought trains.
I stopped, frozen. Everything began to still, the rain and wind lessening slowly the more I went frozen with a quiet mind.
The tournament. It said again. This is the tournament.
It only made sense. Everything since the first I died. The hazy terrified vision of looking at myself sprawled across the floor over broken wood, the blood filling my lungs. The sudden changes of reality and people. Everything down to my second death.
Everything in my body went cold. The wind picked up, frigid air brushed against my face, with no affect to my body temperature; but only providing further chill to cool me down. I felt heavy with despondence, and the rain started to fall again to grieve with me.
"Mimi?"
My lifted to the anxiously concerned voice of a male. It was muffled through my mental breakdown.
I met the eyes of Seth, expect he wasn't Seth Swan anymore, he was Seth Clearwater. Little Seth Clearwater. And then something happened.
His dark brown eyes brightened from their nervous and tense expression to an expression of star struck until the first expression returned. And then I felt it. The feeling of being imprinted on from imprintee's explanations.
I stood up from the ground with my heart fluttering in my chest, he stood up straight from a few feet away, and then I fled.
Like a scared little bitch. Shut the fuck up.
"Naomi!" he was right behind me.
Here he comes. Are you going to run again?
He grabbed my right wrist, I gasped at the electrical shock from contact and I twisted my wrist out of his. I looked up at him and stepped away.
"Naomi." He reached out to me.
My heart stuttered in my chest, tears welled up in my eyes, "No."
He reached out to my wrist again, "Can we talk please?"
I stepped away from him, "Talk about what?"
"Why would you give up?"
"It's selfish, it's childish."
"She's trying to kill you, Naomi. How is that selfish or childish to protect yourself, us?"
"Us? There's no us, Seth."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do."
"Your eyes—"
"My eyes are deceiving!" I turned away and started stomping away.
"Naomi," Seth's hand wrapped around my wrist again, I turned to him glaring at him, "Please stop leaving me behind."
She won't. She's a bitch. Stop it.
He pulled me towards him and his free hand caught my face and then his mouth was on mine, he pulled me close, and his hands on opposite sides of my waist clutched onto me like I was his lifeline. His body temperature was the same as mine, his strength was the same as mine, he scent was leaking with the scent of a wolf buried deep inside him. My heart was thudding against my ribcage and my hands were trembling, I don't know why their trembling, my whole body was trembling.
Everything stopped when I kissed him back. My self control and pride falling down like the walls of a foundation of a house, collapsing in on itself with mercy. I can feel the earth shaking underneath my feet and he pulled me closer if it was even possible.
And then I broke the kiss and tried stepping away from him but his were locked around me. I put my hands on his chest, pushing against it.
"Seth."
His forehead fell against mine, "We can stop her. Please stop leaving me behind."
"I have to."
"No." He held my biceps firmly, "No, you don't."
"What am I supposed to do? I can't keep fighting for this." I looked anywhere but at him, "This should be over. All of it. I want it all to be over." My forehead dropped onto the junction of his shoulder and neck.
His arms wrapped around my back, molding my upper body into his, "It'll never be over until I give you up. And I'm not giving you up. I want you for the rest of my life how many times does that have to be proven."
"I'm tried of going through it. I'm tired of living everybody and waking up in my childhood bed room consistently. This needs to stop."
"It won't stop. She won't stop, even though you gave up has she stopped? She won't stop until there's nothing left. I won't stop. I will continue to fight for you until there's nothing left. I want you. I swear on God above I can't love anyone else. Please stop leaving me behind."
I hate when he begs. He doesn't need to beg.
He's begging for you, you fucking ass. Shut the fuck up.
She won't stop until there's nothing left. He had said.
Guilt and shame attacked my head. My arms wrapped around his neck and he pulled me closer, holding me so tightly I couldn't breathe.
"I… can't… do the-basic function… of breathing!" I padded his shoulder rapidly, I felt his enclose with every release of air from my lungs.
He loosens his arms and I take the chance to flee but his arms are locked around me again. I met his eyes with my hands on his chest.
"Seth." My hands were tingling from the contact of his body.
"I imprinted on you."
I did a double take like I hadn't witnessed it, "But I…"
"Just because you gave up on us doesn't mean I have…"
"But how can you…?"
"Phase? I'm a Clearwater now."
"Why do you keep fighting her? Everything will go back to the way it was. Why—"
"Go back to the way it was? That was life before? Waiting and moping is life?"
"It's better than having a sociopath after my throat every time I open my eyes."
"All the more reason to keep fighting."
"No." I pushed against him, I got somewhere with that but his arms were like boomerangs shoving me right back into his torso. "Seth! It's selfish. It's childish to keep fighting. I don't want to do—"
"I love you." Seth murmurs never breaking eye contact with me, "I want to save you, Naomi. Every time she comes, she kills a part of you. I'm tired of looking at you and seeing a shell of the woman I love. Every time it's like… a piece of you dies. I want to save you no matter how long it takes, no matter how many people we lose. I love you, I love you so much you don't even understand. I've been sleeping outside your window since I phased." He remarks absentminded.
Okay well then. I unconsciously chortled, my head dropped onto his shoulder again and his arms tightened around me, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"That's alpha male material."
He snorts, "That's stalker material. I'm not proud of it."
"But you do."
"I do." He voice softens and I hear him sniff my hair.
"Did you just sniff me?"
"You smell so good I'm sorry." He defended.
I sniffed him.
"Did you just sniff me?"
"You smell good too." I defended.
"Hardly. Last class was gym."
"You do know we can't sweat unless…"
"Oh I know. But still," He lets me go to smell himself, "That's weird." He wraps his arms around me again.
"You're telling me."
"I know we go through almost every time. But it's the truth, Naomi."
"I know," I admitted with a sigh. "I'm tired of this."
"I am too."
Silence between us even with the rain soaked us to our skin. This didn't feel familiar whatsoever. Did you catch my sarcasm? I hope you did. If I had to be honest, I didn't know how to feel but to be attached to him.
I nuzzled the side of his face. He put pressure on the side of my face, he turns his head to kiss my face from where he could reach when I turned my head.
"I know that it's selfish…fighting her like this. We keep losing."
"Big fat losers." Seth adds with an edge of humor.
"But we're not the only ones fighting her. Jake, Sam, the whole pack, the imprints. Charlie, Harry, Billy, Bella. The Cullen's. Everyone is in this."
"I don't even know what happened… I thought that…"
"We kept losing to sneak attacks."
"We can't patrol 25/8 it'll tire us out right into an other loss." I added quietly, absentminded, my mind was clear if I had to put honest. Expect for that, or just responses, my head is killing me.
"But we can not be alert either."
"We keep losing."
"Maybe… we have to go about everything differently…"
"Like what? We both tried silent treatment and other treatments… what else could we do to go about this?"
"She never comes when we don't think about her."
"How so?"
"How many times have you died… in peace?"
Whoa. But that's besides the point, everything is different now. Now. Seth can phase. Seth can imprint. Everything is different, everything seems unbelievably extreme. But that was different, I died in peace because he wasn't around.
"You weren't around. You were gone. I died in peace because you were gone and—"
He kissed me again once for a short moment before he pulled away, "Shh." I went to protest but he kissed me again. Shushing me between and/or with kisses when I tried to speak. He cradled my face in his hand and his arms around my waist tightened, he rested his forehead against mine, "We have been going through this for years. I may have been crazy at the start to chase her down but I will never take back wanting to save you. Save us, save everybody. Nothing of this fair but what are going to do about it?"
I didn't say anything.
"We gotta figure out a loophole. I'm tired of dying and waking up in different households and different bodies, different lives. I don't even know what it is to feel comfortable enough to sleep… I know it's my fault but I will everything I can fix it. Please don't give up on me."
I wrapped my arms tighter around him, leaning up on my tiptoes and his eyes enclosed around me again.
"I promise." I murmured.
He was quite persuasive. Shut up.
…
"So, what's the plan?" Seth asks, strolling in front of me looking over his shoulder at him.
"Same as always. Kill the damn bitch."
"Yes but… what else? Plans of attack? Patrols?"
I stopped and thought about it. A plan, multiple plans. And the. I remembered something, "Well, from what I remember of our lives… you haven't gone on a spirit journey."
He did a double take of shock, blinking, "I can do that?"
"Yes." I chuckled. And then I went serious again, "But then again… she could show up anywhere."
"She gave you time to go on yours. I don't think I'll be much different."
I gave him a look, "Oh really? Says the one that bitch wants."
Seth shrugged and heaved a sigh, "I don't think she'd come if I decided to go on a spirit journey."
"I do."
He sighed again, "Its worth a shot, Mi. We can just sit around and wait for her to flip everything upside down."
"I don't sit around. The boys, however, do. They're not fighting this anymore. Not since I had given up."
"I know. But we can do this, Mi. Just us, taking on the world. Exciting, huh?"
This boy is going to get us killed… again. Like it hasn't been the first time. As fucking angry as I am with everything. I, wholeheartedly, can't be mad at this boy any more. I wasn't even mad at him I should say, just mad that he naturally attracted a demon that is persistent on my death and maybe his, if she's starting to snap.
"Mi?"
I looked up and stopped just in time before I walked into him, "Hm?"
He looks down at the ground as he talks, "I know… that everything is screwed up… I'm sorry I brought her here. I didn't think she'd find me after all that time… I thought everything was over. I'm sorry I put you in danger. I'm sorry I put the towns in danger because I… wanted to see you." He meets my eyes, "If I had truly known she was going to follow me… I would've stayed away to ensure your safety. But I couldn't, everything she put me through, I needed to see you. I needed to know you were alive and you were safe… I'm sorry that I got you killed, multiple times, I'm sorry that you're going through this because of my love for you."
I ran my left hand through his hair, my hand went to place on his face but he grabbed my hand, he smelt wrist before placing sweet kisses on my hand and fingers. My hand is missing his hand holding mine as if I would break into a million pieces.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, he rested his forehead against mine linking his arms around me again. "It's okay… We are all insane when it comes to the people we love." My fingers played with the hair on the back of his head, he pulls me closer, "It's not your fault she wants you. It's not your fault she followed. She should be the one apologizing for fucking up multiple lives at once." I kissed his cheek, he leaned his head towards me, I rested my forehead on his temple as his eyes left mine. "Just us against the world, right?"
Seth meets my eyes again with a sunny grin spreading across his face, "Of course."
"So, you have to go on a spirit journey."
"How long would that be?"
"As long as it takes."
Seth sighs again, "I don't want to leave you."
"I'll be here when you get back."
"Am I going now?"
"We have to talk to the council and the rest of the pack."
"It's just us here, Mi."
I hummed as the memories of this life sunk into the tissues of my brain like ink staining the soft muscle, "Everyone left when they had the chance."
Old Quil passed away two years ago, Harry Clearwater died in 2006 when Leah phased. Everyone was at college or starting new careers in different states. Charlie and Sue are married and they keep in contact more than the others. We were alone here. Alone again.
"Yup. It's just you, Billy, and me here."
I sighed heavily, "Then we need to talk to Dad."
…
Dad looked up from the television set as Seth and I walked into the house, he looked between us swiftly before sighing.
"What's the plan?" Dad asks.
"Sending Seth on a spirit journey. That's all I have right now."
Dad hummed looking at Seth, "The spirit journey provided time last time we tried."
"That's all we need right now." I replied, "Just a little bit of time." I sat down at the table and dropped my hands in my hair and gripped the hair on the back of my head.
Seth turned to me from facing a random location we picked for him to go off into for his spirit journey. He was nervous and reserved but he gave me a reassuring smile.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"You're going to do awesome, I promise."
"I always do." He murmurs as he steps close to me.
My head tilted up to meet his eyes, "I'll be here waiting for you."
"I promise I won't make you wait long." Seth promises before giving me a quick kiss.
"Go, before I change my mind." I joked, smiling up at him.
He gives me another kiss and then he's gone into the forest.