Teen Titans - ReBeL Yell - If I Had Stayed A Renegade Chapter 46, a teen titans fanfic

Teen Titans – ReBeL Yell – If I Had Stayed a Renegade-

HAD HE WON

This is a piece that popped into my thought while it was raining out; got the gym done, car is on and voila. My big idea here? Dick has a daydream or dream in this case, that he got Slade when he was down after he kicked him. Yet before that, the Titans didn't come until after the man had been made to pay.

Dick gives Slade a beat down and turns on Slade when he's down. However, it never really happened because it was Dick's want to go home that kept him from becoming the man he had fought to defeat in the first place.

Keep up with me. Angst included in this. Lot of cut a - ways.

Drop.

Drop

Drip.

Rain.

Day two of his life returning to normal.

Dick Grayson rose from his bed slowly and pushed a damp sheen of sweat from across his forehead and eyes. He'd had that same, almost lucid dream. The dream where the enemy wasn't the man who was now gone from his city. Yes, the man called Slade was kicked out – plainly, by a group of young heroes called the Teen Titans.

Dick looked to his nightstand beside the bed and saw two things that brought him to wake up fully. A photograph that was kept inside a frame of he and his team, and another item.

A domino mask.

His mask, as Robin. Ex protégé to the Dark Knight. Gotham's finest. Now, a heroic leader of an incredible team; living in comfort by the bay of an upbeat, Jump City California. In this city, rain was falling outside, today.

The day before, it was clear and their future, the Titans' future…they were happier for a few hours before bedtime.

Yet just as the flashbacks failed to die away, just as Dick stayed by his team and never looked into the evidence room at his haul from the haunt; Slade's underground lair where he was a prisoner …. The probes, now toast, he was shattered on what dreams came after the lights went out.

"Time to get up." Gripping the bed side, the aches continued to last. The wounds granted by the mad man who had expected Dick to turn into a criminal. They stung, badly, as he grunted to get up and face tomorrow. The day he had made it home, his friends had been the balm to his emotional and physical wounds, yet Raven had said it would hurt even with her healing magic. Even with Cy's Breakfast Explosion. Even with Beast boy's many endorphin - raising (and falling,) jokes. Or Starfire's smile. A cool splash of water, as the rain pelted the outside of his window pane.

Today, was going to feel less like yesterday. He fixed himself up and with a pull of the door to the walk-in bathroom of his room, the mirror, it looked like it saw more into him than they all had. Dick sighed and got over to the sink. He still had to be ready for anything. Still had to be a hero, even when he'd done so much that could be forgiven. He had a call to hold to today, with a certain benefactor. And, he wasn't that happy about it.

With a spit glob to the sink and a hand over his face, Dick wasn't ready to face the wrong person on the wrong day. Rain, by all its force, was no omen. He didn't want to cry, and he didn't want to tell him…HIM of all people, that he was afraid then that he would crack under pressure. If they had not come, he would have.

Still, it was a haunting element that brought Dick to bring out glue for the mask and look to his closet for his real attire. He imagined the night he'd seen fresh clothes that were not only his size, but monogramed by his keeper on a bed that was supposed to be his. Only his. He hated that and pushed the door to slide back, to get his belt, gloves, and even his cape in time to hear the first knock come to his doorway.

It was thankfully not a big deal, only Raven as they'd believed her level of empathy to be impactful while the team slowly recuperated from the Slade fiasco the week ago. A whole week, missing.

"Are you ok." She looked at him as he tried to knock away and hide what he had been thinking, she knew, she had to have guessed already how this meeting was going to push his buttons. "Let's just get this thing over with, Raven." Dick called her by name, but it was out of a special bond and the fact that she and the others had seen a new side to their leader. A wary, tired side that made them cross their fingers by the time he'd stepped back into the Tower's four walls.

"I know you aren't on the best terms, but he does support our funding. You have to at least tell him what Slade was –

"I'll do what I have to, to keep us here. I don't want him taking away anything from my team." Dick was acting defensive, possessive as he steeled himself while Starfire hovered beside Beastboy to see what the transmission would show once they had it hooked up. "Sending, now." Cy spoke, making Dick stiffen as he wondered –

They were leaving?

"We will not be far, yet…this is the best tactic…to not interfere." Kori swallowed and tried to act less as if she were being rude to a friend. Not that at all.

"Star, it's all good here." Cy gave Dick a thumbs up. "I know you wanna be outta here. We can chill after, but get this thing, over with. Kay?"

"I wish that's all I could do…" Dick sighed and gave a sarcastic glance as the transmission became clearer. The Titans left the room, they were peeping but not to watch. To be cautious of how Dick would be with his PTSD left unchecked. Raven was their conduit as she saw the item; Dick and the Bat, Batman.

It was true…

~You attacked a Wayne Enterprises Building in your city. ~

"I know, you saw it." Dick rubbed his arm.

~I know because the Titans also almost called me for help. I never got to them to answer in time. They were already fighting…. I heard he was called Slade. Maybe –

"No, Batman. It's my fault this even happened. He goaded me, almost coached me to follow in whatever he was after and I got so… so caught up in stopping…" Dick took a pause. "I lost control, with Red X. I told you that on my last report, that was me. I was the one undercover and it was to stop Slade. It all backfired, and he took advantage of me. Put my team in danger…. it's all –

~You were manipulated by a man with an enigmatic face, Robin. You were able to let him past your walls and he took control. It looks to me like you took it back. I'm sorry I never got the message in time. ~

"B."

~You're right to be worried about this, and you were right to have this talk now instead of after you had forgotten it. You can't and I know this kind of trauma, Robin. I know what it can do if left unabated. You have to take a break. Maybe you can find a few days here to –

"You're not taking me back." Dick shoved his hands at the dash. "I don't need you to treat me like I can't handle this –

~You sounded like you couldn't. You're not old enough to have this happen and live through it normally. Let me –

"Bruce, no."

Raven could have heard that, so she stuffed it down.

Bruce Wayne blinked below the cowl like a stunned owl in the day light. ~You won't do this again, hide and make it look as if no one can get through to you. As a leader, you can't handle things like you did with me in Gotham where you have a team in Jump today –

"I know!" Dick growled out and slammed his fist into the dash, angrily. "I almost got us all KILLED because I couldn't do anything without them! I hate…. I hate that I can't be strong enough…. how? How do I tell them –

~Do this for yourself, Dick. ~

"I have to try harder; I'm not going to be able to save anyone. Just like he said, if I can't –

~Slade is just a lonely individual without any armies to guide! ~

Dick snapped his head up as Bruce made it clear. ~He had no one, but you have me, even if I don't always tell you that. Why else am I letting you go? Why else did I give you time to grow and face your first nemesis? I saw the footage, but before I could step in to help, there was a window too late and your friends took the lead on that rescue. You did need them, because they need your encouragement. You can't listen to him anymore. Whatever he said, bury it. He had no one, but you have your team and us. Your family, right here to get you through this. ~

He told Bruce about as much as his trauma induced brain could let up. The medical table for healing his wounds after a spar. The man being nearly unfazed by any hits unless it was close range. And, how he could work in the shadows so effectively all of that time, and lastly... Dick came clean. "I've been having dreams about, if I had won without them. If he'd been made to pay and stay on the ground while I just…did…what he did to me, what the Titans could that I never got to do by myself."

~ You cracked that mask he hid behind, Robin. ~ Batman crossed his arms and stated, rather glad it was no vision for the future and the rest of that boy's life. He was still worried, and Alfred saw it from across the cave floor.

~You have your strength, but not like me, and not like Slade's. It's your own willpower and determination to do the right thing and let go. You have to, if you ever want to keep fighting. ~

Raven waited by the door with the others as Dick looked ready to keel over. She caught him and they saw the face of the legendary Dark Knight, fade to black.

"Dude…. he really mento – mopped the floor with you, with a speech or something? Is he that scary??" Bb bit his nails and changed into a mouse that skittered out of the way a moment. "I do believe we should allow ourselves to finish and, eat the first meal of this morning?"

"It can wait, Starfire." Raven turned to Robin as he tried to swallow down everything he still remembered from the last hours of yesterday.

"I can't." Dick had her let him go as he walked off, speedily taking himself down the hall as he held his head and tried, tried to forget….

His day was as grey as the sky, the healing magic not enough to cure an old wound that would stick and scab up. He looked over the marks in the mirror as he showered and recalled Bruce's pep talk. It was a good one, but he still didn't feel any less guilty. He needed to move on, to make room for other –

A knock at the door; as he grabbed his top and tights to set himself in a better place for a moment, at the door was the sweet set of emerald belonging to Starfire of Tamaran. "Robin, you ran off so suddenly. We only…if you do not wish to eat, should I bring a plate to your dwelling?"

"No thanks, Starfire." Dick shook his head, mask on and staying there for her protection as well. If he had learned anything in his years as the famed boy wonder, it was that identities did matter. "I need to finish some work here. It's early. Maybe one of the others –

"We all believe that you will not tell us what is truly buggy about you, Robin!" She blurted out loud. "You are my dear, and best friend and I cannot bear to see you stomach your pains as a Hurdmortliggen glurgenslkich."

Dick raised a brow then let it settle. "Thanks, but I'm behind on some things we need for our records…. if I don't –

"You shall not lock yourself away –

He panicked and shut the door, the same image of him during Red X played on in his mind. Dick fell to his feet and crouched, hearing their voices over his thoughts. "Stop….I…have to finish! Go away!"

"Robin??"

"It's…. ok, Star…I'm just really…. tired, I'm not used to talking to my ex – partner."

Partner?

"Was he not more to you, then? Is that why you looked so hurt before?"

"Go, give me space." He grumbled and fled to his bathroom and stayed there, hands over his ears as the taunts got more outrageous as her banging made it worse.

"Robin?? Robin! We will not leave you – I shall get Raven and the –

"Starfire…." Dick said with a shaky, tormented, plea, "Just, leave me right now. I'm not fine, and I know…. but no more, I just…. want to be alone…"

He had told her such kind words the day before, so much that she had not a clue why; he was never so insecure as she saw him.

So, Koriand'r; Tamaranean as all be, she sought out answers from those she could trust. "You must re – sign into the terminal to…to let us speak with that "man of the bat!" She heaved out while Raven had her tea, and Cy, his bacon and Bb's vegan sausages cooking on top of a flat electric griddle.

" Duuude! Your meat is next to my –

"Hush up, B. We'll be back in a sec. Watch the griddle."

Gar Logan; child mutated by a virus that had awakened his meta powers, his ability to turn into any animal was great – however…. he still had lost his family and then another. His adoptive family that the Titans didn't need to know about right now. He squeaked and ran to stop the grill from dropping drippings of a live thing onto his soy – sausages. "My poor breakfast…." Puppy dog eyes looked at his ruined appetizers. "Gaah !! I'm telling Robin on you guys!" He shouted, just before the three had let the doors close in his face.

Raven had no choice but to talk over both Cy and Kori. She wasn't one to lose her temper, but when she did….

"He's in pain and we can't force him to feel better, Starfire."

"Ah, you sure Robin really said all that to you? He was so calm the other day we had waffles." Cy scratched his head and could only guess what was going on. "We can't get any info on the call if he won't give us an ok. It coulda' been an oath of privacy, from us."

"But, why?" Kori begged to know, just a little. "Why will friend Robin not tell us about the call with his "partner?" Why is he pushing away his friends, and why –

"We are all different when it comes to facing that same pain; imagine it. He was unable to speak unless spoken to. Treated like a weapon, not a person. A prize –

"I do understand!" Kori shouted a bit, frustrated that she'd even go that far. "I was a "prize" for the Citadel. I was in chains just as he was. I do know, and you must get through to him! He could let Slade again win, even if he is no longer there…" Her voice shrank back as she sniffled back her unspoilt tears.

"Humans here, we don't do letting go so easy. Cause' with you and your people, Star, it's just not the same as that." Cy told her. "That kid was never prepared for this kinda…"

"I'd call it mental and even physical manipulation on all counts" Raven seethed a bit back. "He was practically driven by a mad man to do the same as what my father, attempted through that mirror…" Her eyes moved to see Cy getting anxious about that time in her room. It was a good lesson learned.

"We all have our demons here, Star." Cy and Raven nodded to their teammate. "Sometimes, letting them all go, just like that isn't the only way to send those emotions we felt far from our thoughts. He's trying to prepare, for whenever Slade does return –

"We must not fail again, for Robin." Starfire proclaimed, hopefully. "Robin would again do the same for all of you. When will he be opening himself "up?"

"When he's ready to talk. Give it time, girlfriend. He's just like his partner some days."

Right now, as the rain fell, those days continued.

Dick sparred in the gym. The sweat felt good on his skin. He was on his own, no teachers. No lessons, just….

He panted and imagined Slade bots on the scope. His whole body froze until he struck out.

"Dude, no!"

"He went crazy ! You can't leave him alone for a second, he tore up the gym. I demand a time out or something…" Bb nursed a welt sized bruise with an ice pack as Raven needed him to calm down first before treating it. It wasn't severe, yet only because they'd snapped Dick out of his flashback in time.

"I didn't know…you have to let me fix the sand bag. I'm sorry, Beast –

"You two." Raven put out her hands. "It was a mistake, but I think from now on, you need to be sure you're not fighting while your mind still needs time to heal…Robin, Did Batman say anything –

"It's not his issue." Dick pulled out of her grip and tugged his wrist back. He froze again.

~ Adrenaline…~

Stop." He whispered hoarsely to himself.

~ You liked stealing for me….it was a thrill, wasn't it –

"Robin?"

He left, stomping back to his room as the darkness of it remained the safest place right now.

To huddle and to drift away.

Hugging his knees to his chest, his hot tears wet his upper arms as he knew greatly that, he didn't want to tell them what Slade had really expected to change in his "apprentice." They already knew that part, but to compare himself in the same light and for Dick to be lectured for screwing up…. but not? It really hurt. It did.

"I have to get over this…. why can't I let it go?" He wept weakly until the dream was there and willing to take him back into that room.

The gears. All clanking, rattling sounds that held a single purpose. Dick had been the cog out of place to rattle the man's chains. Slade had no power anymore; he was on the ground and that crack was a bleeding one. Dick was staring and then, the boot came down. Slade moved like a viper to escape it. Though quick, he was easy to grapple. Dick beat his face in, shattering the façade and giving no ounce as the screens showed the heroes. Their blood bodied images staying alive. He couldn't win…. he was –

~You…. And I are too alike, Robin…look at us. I'm so plea –

" Shut up!!"

The dream was an image of his deepest repressed desires; the man wanted something that with enough retraining, conditioning and God knew…he could have had a perfect soldier at his side.

"I!"

"Am!"

"Not!"

He cut through the metal mask with a glove now spattered in blood. His face, his red eyed hatred was clearly not human any longer. Dick grabbed the man and beat him. It was like they were kids on the playground, and he was the bully. It wasn't like the first time. No. Slade, he only laughed and then tried to speak between the punches. "Had enough, hero? You're not anymore, Robin!"

"I am…I'm getting you put away! I'm leaving this hell hole! You don't –

Then, the dream for the first time, did change.

And Dick, he woke up to the feeling of not breathing.

"He's stable."

The monitors were loud, his head pounded as a face formed at his side. "St…."

"Stay, you are not well. Raven? Is he –

"The stress had him faint, that's all." Cy looked to the teenaged heroine as the rest could say less about this innocent moment. "We need to talk. No more hiding, Rob."

"I've been having this dream, that if I won against Slade…. he might have changed who I was. That I wouldn't be able to handle the rush like as Red X. I'm sorry, that was why. Why I'm not sleeping enough. It's why my progress in the gym, with Beast boy was…."

"He didn't let you rest once." Bb's ears drooped. "We're not gonna go anywhere."

"I know it…. well, now I do." Dick weakly smiled back.

"You shouldn't have to, but people go through stuff that can make them sick if it gets to their head. You may ' a been fine now, but it's only been two days. I think that you should go back and leave the city like Batman said –

"You talked to him??" Dick sat up. "When did –

"Starfire called and we stepped in at the last second. She wanted to know why you weren't yourself."

Why you cannot let go of that madman." Kori chimed in.

"But we know." Bb shuddered. "Slade is one bad dude, so you're not alone."

"I…Never wanted to involve anyone, any of you. It's my –

"It is not." Starfire shook her mane at the boy wonder. "Not anymore. We are a team and you must learn to be strong with us, rather than without. If you wish to weep upon my shoulders, then you may. If you wish to write your thoughts into a cataloging journal…. I am sure Raven can assist?"

"Or, you can try to be a person, just until we know you'll handle a fight like our leader." Raven said. "Robin, I can't erase what happened, yet if you want to stay, I can council you the best I possibly can. You're more important than you know to all of us..."

Dick felt his eyes growing wet. "Hey….is this a dream? Are you guys, ok?"

"Are you not?" Cy asked the titan. "We're not gonna let you brave this alone, Spike. Just say the word. What do you want to do."

In the end, the verdict was to see a pro. A real heart to heart with the famous, Doctor Leslie Thompkins. She was on video that week, but this week their reunion would be in person. As Dick Grayson, Alfred opened the car door and the hero walked out to avoid a spray of cameras. There was a small cluster. "Prince of Gotham City is back in town! What comments do you have for your fans out there?"

"Mr. Grayson! The Daily Gossip; Can you tell us about the recent break up? Where have you been hiding for an entire year??"

"Our readers at the Nat –

"I'm not taking any comments today, personal me day. Sorry." He gave that sideways grin and the reporters must have half fainted. Only a week, and this was a day he'd not prepared for.

"Master Dick, would you like me to keep busy in the waiting area?" Alfred saw how dethatched the boy was and it broke his heart. More than he wanted to break a certain blackmailing wanker's nose. "Do whatever you want. Looks like I'm up next." The boy's brows furrowed under his shades as he continued to hide from the world a bit longer than intended.

"Good luck, Richard." The butler waved him off, but the doors had already shut everything else away. Alfred Pennyworth sat with a column from the Daily Planet in hand. A woman with a tissue box was right beside him. Next to her, was a girl who looked to be too young in baggy attire with a worn knapsack and long blonde hair. She was looking at a business card with her eyes on nothing, else. (Dudes, that is Terra.)

"Oh, dear…" The man opened up the newspaper and began to feed his mind, not his heart for today.

Richard told the doctor about who and what his issues had been from the start of Red X. Leslie knew who Bruce was, she knew the heroes in and out and was one to safeguard every secret. The woman didn't judge him for being upset. He was drugged at one point to be compliant, and other times he was treated like this was the marines and a corrupt platoon captain at that. She wrote down not much as this was not a formal session like her other clients. "Richard, you told me about this man. What was he like to you. Did he have any allies. Anyone he mentioned in his circle."

"He was only with one other person who did what he said. Wintergreen." Dick nodded with a gulp. "He was older, maybe as old as Alf. British, so it was a big blow to how my old life was…He was loyal to Slade and I got not any ounce of pity…. he was a coward to me. He allowed that man –

"I know your anger is easy to let, flourish." Leslie put up a palm as Dick's mentality was stabilized quickly. "I'm sorry, it's so frustrating that I –

"It was more than blackmail, Richard." She sat closer and put her hands around his. "It was entrapment. You were put into a situation that even Bruce would have lost himself to – you had others to protect. You almost were hurt with them to fix a problem that was never your fault."

"Then I can't be responsible for getting his attention??" Dick pulled away. "I can't be the one who hid information from the Titans, from him?? Bruce? I'm only telling you so I can move on, but the more I hear anyone tell me…. I'm the one!" He wept. "It was me…I turned on them, made myself a threat…. please…what's wrong with me? What can I do?"

"We can try to heal; for starters, you did tell me a lot more than Bruce knows. What else can you let go of."

"I…I think I'd like to try to tell you what his composure was. He wasn't the Joker or Two Face. He was strong, a genius. He tried to teach me math that was above my level – I actually got it…God…. I put up a fuss, I tried to rebel but every time…" Dick held his skull and rocked himself. "The probes, probes... the threat... that trigger...I hated it!"

"What did you hate, Dick. Get it out now while –

~ It's still fresh. ~

"No!" Dick fell back from his chair, shaking his head wildly. "You…. that's not right!"

"Dick."

~ Sit down. ~

"Dick?"

~ Robin! Get up, now. Or your promise is forfeit. ~

Dick fainted in that room. Cyborg was right, he still had a very, very long road towards recovery.

So, stopping here. It's true but I got crazy quick on how Dick had no choice but to take plan B. He gets better, but Terra shows up and it all has to stay standing until "Haunted" makes his anger come back out. He's as unstable as he was when he left the Batman and went on his own to another city. Will this be a lesson down the road?

Excerpt!

"Slade tried to go after her, can we just go along with it?'

"It's Terra!" Bb bounded over Cy's shoulder as Dick chewed his lip up in the circle they'd formed. "We have to be sure she's not…out of her element. She helped you, Raven. She saved the city and, I think we can see just how much she can mature if there's a chance for her with us.'

"Thank, you! That's why he's the boss!" Bb grinned and tried to give Dick a sloth sized hug. "Terra? So...can I go tell her the news?"

Maybe Raven had to say it today, but Dick was aware of how much she still had to adapt. They all did. Terra was…. a person with nowhere else to turn once. "Not yet, Beastboy. I need you to just give us a moment.'

The heroes looked at him. "Rob…are you –

"I might want to add; she's back but we don't know how or why."

"She…she had to….maybe we finally got through and she…"

Bb's ears lowered. "You can't let this Slade thing die." He muttered and wandered off as a carrier pigeon to find his long lost crush.

"He'll be fine." Raven told their leader. "You are right to question how this was almost orchestrated –

Raven shut her mouth, Dick's eyes changing as that mask conveyed his concerns. "Let's then, discuss what we can do for her."

Raven had some down time as Dick sat cross legged with Cy contacting Sarah Sims in his circle, outside of this one. She was ok, and that meant Terra had done her part.

"You wanted to know once, who Slade was." Raven turned to him with her cloak sweeping back dramatically behind her. "I might know, or…. Terra may."

In that week, it was done. The heroes were out of the picture. Buried.

"One left." Terra waited, her eyes scanning the area for her last –

He struck over her head as his cycle was one entrance the bat would never try for; Robin was back to take her out.

In the darkness of an earlier date, Slade was staring after the same week, the same week Dick had run off on him at the Daily Reporter Chronicle. "Famous face back in the big city. Where is he going to next?"

The Wired Times; "Sighted on the street corner, sensation and boy eye candy of Gotham is home."

Hard knock Sentinel Post (Throwing stuff out there, and using or borrowing names) "Wonder boy spotted at the shrink. Latest gossip!"

The Daily Blabbity: The Prince of Gotham returns!? Updates on his arrival and –

"A little publicity and he turns tail, or is he there with those paparazzi nearby?" Slade looked over the info, and he knew full well that Dick's scars ran deeper than he'd even tried to peel back. Made fresh. "Kid, you have a lot to learn about self-preservation." Slade rolled his shoulders and took to his mug of joe. "Will. Any word on the new haunt?"

"It should be operational within this month's time, Slade." Will on the clock was a butler. Right now, he was just a guest at the estate and waiting for the fanfare to die down. "Did the Justice league come poking about, Wilson?"

"Thankfully, no." Slade frowned at the current headline. "Robin missing? Titans refuse to comment."

"So, are you sure you don't want to know a little secret about our latest subject?" Slade smiled at the paper and was sure their little runaway wasn't far behind. How, being the question.

"She must come to see you as the answer soon, or else what will this have all been for?" Will shook his head, got up and left the room to catch a breather. "Just be sure to put a muzzle on this one if she's as foul as the last."

So, Slade was after Terra previously from their history, yet Dick took the spot, got out and now that will be what comes of Raven's words. That something about Terra irks her and she wants to protect them. Dick would say as long as we can help her, I'll do all I can. It's not his issue anymore. It takes a village to raise a child after all. Also, Wintergreen is a dick in this so…..we don't excuse child abuse. Only in fantasy where it is taboo here. Will there be a part b? I can turn this into a fic, page by page so let me k now!