Teen Titans – ReBeL Yell – If I Had Stayed a Renegade –

/

I found out that my Itakico device CANNOT work because of our old arse home's wiring so? I destroyed a good piece of chicken and it never reached past 165 on the stove that also can only boil meat! Or fry eggs. It's a very sad stomach I have to eat boiled bird all the time or never at all…sigh, even the Shabuki pot was nearly in a sorry state so then I thought (gerd esophagitis and gastritis chronically aside,) I could write a scenario where Dick as Renegade and Slade stop at a place that is not cook top friendly and madness ensues. In this case, Slade is teste and Dick is defensive and fresh mouthed because he's been spoiled so long in Wayne's home. So? I give to you….my feelings in the form of this one shot!

/

Don't Burn the Roast!

/

"No way. Uh – uh." Dick looked at the dump of a safe house and wanted to kick something in the shins. "How did you get this place again? Craig's list??"

Slade just smoothly as he could fake, walked to the door of the ugly as sin building and unlocked it. "If you bad mouth your master anymore, we can always arrange for a garrage for you to stay in tonight."

Dick's frown and brows were normal in the case of his predicament. The stay with Slade for a year now made him angry and downright sour. One push was all it took, yet Slade had put up with his puerile excuses to listen and shut up. He had to now, and that made it even worse. "Get the luggage, will you."

"Wait…" Dick looked to the car as it was stuffed with only a hotel's amount of what they'd need. And to his shock, something in a cardboard box with a –

" Dick!"

"Coming, sir." Dick pulled away and got to work dragging in the man's cleaned weapons that HE had slaved over. That sword was a nightmare to get from top to bottom, even when he was supervised to not cut himself by say, accident.

/

The place was one. Just one, a single bed and a sleeping bag he hoped. The stove wasn't one. This was a part of Ukraine he'd not wanted to see. (This is because they are getting info on Terra but Dick is unaware.)

Old, thin walls. The cooking station…where was a kitchen??

"Did you bring that box up with you."

Dick ran down to grab it, one flight later he was puffing as Slade took the item from his apprentice rather quick; as if the item was made entirely of desirable crystal.

"Careful, or you don't get to eat."

"Is this…" Dick saw the unveiling and for a reason other than college applications, he had to try to hold back a laugh. "That. Is a piece of crap."

Dick didn't wait as Slade backhanded the boy like a child in the back of his head. "Ow! It's a hazard…. ow…You know I'm right."

"I know you're spoiled enough to tell the difference; you do have eyes and a brain. This is all we can pack along to not seem out of place in this city." Slade reminded the ex-hero.

"It's a fire hazard, not a toy….but still….are you sure it's safe to even use it in here?" Dick pointed to the olden days that were the wallpaper of yellow and must. "Or the mold can prove me wrong."

"All of that, and you've never cooked in a cave or in a hole in the ground, kid?" Slade sighed and set the ugly stove top cooker to the side. It's new home as Dick gave the item a death glare. "Apprentice, the bags."

"Yes, sir!"

Dick went to retrieve them and, in a while, no less, he was done unpacking tomorrow's items only. "Sir, um…. I'm getting a b –

He stopped that thought. "Why not the protein drinks you always carry? I can deal with less flavor tonight."

"They are not a full meal and you can do without only liquid in you since the trip." Slade looked over their gear in his civilian wear, like the ex - hero. Dick didn't like this part. Slowing down meant being less alert of his surroundings. Less safe…Despite Slade being the stronger of the anti – class heroes in the archives he'd read about. Slade Wilson was a mercenary and assassin for hire, and so too was he Jump's big bad crime lord from the underbelly.

"Come, I want to go out and gather some things for your little friend in the corner."

Dick raised his haunches like a cat at the idea of being anywhere near that inferior device. Even cy would say that it had to go. "Yes, sir." Dick had taken to "sir" instead of "Master" by carefully negotiating with the man that it was not needed. That he was here, and Sir held more to it that an old fashioned medieval arrangement. He was not the squire boy, not to the bat anyway until Bruce tracked them down. Kori and the others had to wait, as Dick huffed at the ugly grey and outdated piece of crap that would make him feel like he'd lost everything in a fire tonight. Yup, maybe he was a tad bit spoiled after all…

/

They locked up and took only what made them look like simple folk in this city. The simplicity of care to each street reminded Dick that a war treaty was currently underway with Markovia and the crown. That there was a murder and they were here for that.

"We'll have a grocery run, anything else that might pop up, I will tell you. Don't run off and act the part of someone who can play a valuable role on my team."

"Roger." Dick lazily saluted the man as he nodded, not caring that Richard was in the car and on their way to get something to stuff their gullets with in half the serving. Half the time.

/

The doors swung back as the small local grocery store was decent sized to find all they had come to get. "Peppers. Go." Slade was not slow at all as Dick was told orders, ordered to grab as a single word anything the man mentally had to recall from heart.

"Oil, neutral is preferable. Smallest you can find."

Dick was sent to ten places in the store and working up a sweat, even when it was only close to rush hour and they'd be home in half that time flat. At the register, the basket had potatoes, eggplant, chuck meat and if any, a few dozen spices Dick had always wanted to try. Slade put an extra pair of fresh fish on the belt in case the kid screwed up. At least this flat had a fridge, though also old….

"Rice."

"Huh?" Dick was out with the man as he pointed. "Get the rice, here."

The man had a card out to him as Dick took it gingerly and skidded in to grab a bag of rice for the next meal. Potatoes were tonight. But the next day, he'd find out why the device on that table had him all the more nervous.

"I cooked tonight, so tomorrow while I'm out speaking with our client, you are to cook, wrap up and freeze the rest."

Dick blinked as a bit of eggplant landed onto his top. "But…. you made it look easy. And what can I cook if –

"I got the extra replacement. Should you fail, it's in the fridge." Slade scooped up his last bit of food and let the fork clink into his bowl. "I was sure that frozen greens are just fine, so if you find anything already in the fridge or pantry, go for it."

"Well…. You know I'm not self-taught exactly…. right?" He'd been coached by Alfred before the Titans time with the now ex hero, he recalled.

"You can cook in the oven and cook your own breakfast, so this is not such a big deal." Slade took the boy's empty dish from his hands and went to go wash in the small basin of a sink. "Old houses are sad and delicate; you need to remember what and how something can be maintained without going over your head to fix it. That's all. So, tomorrow." He reiterated. "You'll be in charge of chores here and your studies. I have a list on your sleeping bag."

"I'm sleeping on the floor???" Dick nearly hopped from his cushion on the floor, right into Slade's good eye. "Why can't I –

"It's the privilege between master and student. That's just how it is, Robin."

"Robin is who I was –

"I don't care. You'll go to bed right after you wash up and take care of that burner." Slade pointed to a glob of fat that had gotten into the grates of the stove top from hell. "Don't be lazy while I'm gone tomorrow and mope around. I'll know."

"Sure, sir."

"Again, try again."

"Yes, sir!" Dick was sure he was in the marines right then as Slade did as any officer might. He nodded, arms behind his back, and didn't acknowledge his underling as Dick might have hoped. "See to it that you're done with everything, including cleaning up the kitchen."

Dick shot his eyes over to the sink and realized he'd be going to bed after Slade…. of all the-

"I blame you." Dick sniffed at the cooktop burner. "You and me, we are so not going to make that man happy…"

/

He fixed the entire mini kitchen up and fell into his sleeping sack. Thankfully, it was lined with a coffin style padding. By morning, Dick was drooling into his bedding, the lights streaming in through dusty drapes. "Apprentice."

Dick snored on the occasion that his face got busted in, yet he never felt the jostle to his neck.

"Robin, I need you to get up –

The boy rolled over, and Slade, being the commanding piece of Trigon that he was….

Tipped the bed.

Dick jolted up and rubbing his side, he saw Slade and nearly fell back over.

"Up, you've gotten enough shut eye. Work comes next."

The man was serious as Dick forced his eyes to open. "What…time is it?"

"Long enough, about seven. I let you gain two hours back but that ends. Up."

/

Dick ate hardboiled eggs that Slade handed to him. The pure mash of egg on rye was to die. Getting the hang of being put in his seat, Slade started on the day's briefing. "At twelve, I will be out that door to meet our client. During this time, I have to teach you a bit about the dwelling." Slade pointed to a box that must have been the controls for the breaker of the building. "Ok…" Dock nodded. "What else is there, sir?"

"Not much, but since you had to ask," Slade stepped back and pulled out from the other room a recording box and headphones. "When did you pack –

"This is today's lesson." Slade cut the boy off. "One hour of languages, two hours of exercising and katas to start. And lastly," The man seemed to be making this up as he went along. "And lastly, three hours total to prep whatever we need while combining a few skills I'll impart to you before I'm out of your sight, for awhile."

"Such as, sir?"

Slade rolled his shoulders. "Such as, pick up those headphones and finish breakfast. Then you can damn well ask "what else" to me."

/

Slade had Dick sweating as he did his push-ups with an extra "weight" added on. Slade is sitting on his back." A rather grumpy, bulky and nosy weight as Slade was intent on breaking the boy's spine. "Just one more set, you're doing much better."

"With….out, the gloves…. I'll be useless to you…. ang…."

"Quiet. Just keep your focus and remember to breathe. Ten more for your back talk, just for acting out."

Growling, Dick pushed up. Ten push ups, four sets of sit ups that included Slade as his spotter – holding the boy upside down, like a fruit bat.

They did Katas to end their session as well, not just to start. Dick even jogged in place as much as it took to get him to recall that he wasn't training in a cave with a high-tech computer and complimentary snacks.

Slade handed the kid a can of that sport slop and he chugged it down with a mild grimace. Once you got past the chunky bits, it wasn't so bad. "Ready for the next thing on our list?"

Dick wiped his forehead and sighed. "Whatever you want, sir." As long as cooking was dead last, he panted. As long as he was far away from that death machine to ever care what Slade had in store for three more hours of, this...

Dick rinsed off under a trickle of a shower head and Slade took his time after the boy had done his business. Before long, it was eleven forty – five and Slade was dressed in his least opposing attire he'd packed with them. "You have options, supper had better not blow a hole through the walls."

Dick nodded, hoping the same but wondering if he'd get to have that plan b yet. "Have a safe trip?"

Slade only eyed him once before his departure, probably guessing the boy had wished for a do over of that earlier cooking lesson.

Once Slade was far out of the area, Dick moved his feet to the next chore's location.

The meat, right. He was in charge of supper tonight.

Dick went to the fridge and he found, that Slade had gone out. Maybe that morning to market? There were turnips and asparagus, even a head of lettuce and tomato if he searched hard enough.

"Oil, then the meat." Slade knew the kid could cook, just…

Richard eyed the sad little robot of a char crusted existence from the other side of the room. "Oookay…. Should try to tenderize it…. what do I –

Dick looked in the drawers, pulling them back all at once….and for the love of pecatory Pete –

No pounder, no problem….skip that step. His OCD might have come out to play as Dick unwrapped the butcher paper; the nicest pair of sea critters to find the best-looking cut money could buy stared dead into his soul. A curdling sensation stung his throat.

Oh, he had BETTER not screw this up, or Dick would have to put cannibalism on that list of offenses that Slade had accrued in his career.

Don't burn it, not a single singe. Fishless eyes included.

/

He'd have to turn it on soon, right? Dick knew that he was not at all a superstitious person. Not like the Madame Croft he'd grown up to; she was fond of reading his fortune in the tent of Haley's circus as a kid. Somehow, a lion in his tea leaves was a sign that he'd be eaten. Fate was sometimes cruel, but still!

"I have to get this done. It's no big deal, right?" He tried to laugh off the fear, his hand so close to the kid toy sized notches and the baby burners that had already proven their point that they did not suck. He was just being an idiot. A spoiled prince afraid of using the bare –

It lit! Y -

The lights flickered as the entire room went dark. Dick threw up his hands, then the light on the device….it went back on with everything else.

"No….no way –

The place was haunted now?? He paced, going to get the damn box as he got everything to turn off, then on. "Damn, just a fluke. I have to prep. What gives?" He was thankfully NOT talking to an appliance. Woe was the world, as Dick tried again – this time, the burner lit up and no lights blew out.

He sighed, but the burner seemed to give off an odor that was not there before. Did the cleaner stay in too long?? He hurried to open a window. Coughing and airing out the second-floor tenement, he turned back to the device.

"You…. I will get to cook on you…you aren't winning this." He heaved out, hair in his eyes as he flopped over to the burner and in two minutes total, the pan was on it and the rank odor was gone.

"I don't believe in poltergeists…then again. I'm not opposed to the idea of meeting one." He called out to the supposed visitor. "We were here first, or were you only nice to my boss because he threatened you –

The wind blew and curtains flopped over his head, Dick panicking while not watching the burner closely as he was supposed to. " Yaa ! There is no way –

He growled and dumped the drapes out the window. "Water…. pans, I need to unplug –

Dick saw nothing as the lights again went out. "Look! You can have the meal, I don't care! Just don –

The pans came flying at Dick as he dodged them in the partial darkness. The fire started growing up as it began to take on, the shape of a face….

"Ra…ven??"

Yet the fire was too high, and the ceiling began to singe and catch as well. " Damn it!" Dick knew he could not call Slade under ANY circumstances. He had to call out to whatever was doing this. "I don't know! Why? I'm just hungry…. We had plans –

~ Re……ro……b…in…. tyym…. g…. ooo…….~

It had to be her powers; this wasn't real. Dick sat on the ground and sighed out, crossed legged he had a plan. One, as the view of powerful flames with her face, took on a new shape.

/

Slade took a whiff up the steps as he rammed open the door. It was close to seven and Dick had a pan of sautéed veggies, a big bad broiled set of the prettiest fish in the country, and a bowl of fluffy rice for each of them.

"You made too much."

Dick dropped his head, jaw showing as he wanted to complain. Yet, this was the weirdest vision he'd ever seen. "I think you need to call the health inspector, Sir." Dick scratched his cheek and went to fix Slade a plate. "The mold got to me earlier. I thought I was seeing a fire, but it wasn't. You were right about one thing."

Slade dropped his coat by the door hook to the small closet and wondered just the same. "What's that, my apprentice?"

"That I could make you a meal you'd actually eat. And…not burn a hole in the roof. Thanks. Dig in!"

Slade went to bed a bit earlier that night as Dick went to check on his kitchen duties before bed. Turning back to the device, the figment of an image had him sit as before. ~ Robin, I'm glad you're ok… ~

~ You shouldn't be so close. I am still not being reprimanded yet like before, but it could swap. Slade is…fickle. How are the others? ~

Telepathically, she'd been at this from time to time, yet finally months of searching had gotten easier to recognize. ~Robin, I sensed a dangerous event where you are now. You have to get out. I think Slade is instigating –

"Dick?"

Richard was there on the floor as he posed a yawn. "Sorry, sir." The teen's acting was limited by how close-knit the duo was all the time, yet he'd come to understand Slade under that mask from time to time. "Are you coming to bed, why are you on the floor?"

"Checking for crumbs! Sir…" Dick yawned again, I a more reserved way.

"Stop that." The man chided. "To bed, you have more work tomorrow that won't be derailed by your tardiness. Not as long as I'm still on watch."

"Sorry, heading there just, had to clear up any messes."

Raven knew, and she could see into a future that Slade was keeping from them all. "Good boy. Not a sound." Slade went back to their room as Dick hoisted himself – Raven's supposed Astral projected form leaned against a wall and smiled. "You have such a way with words." She deadpanned.

"No kidding, you have to know how to survive Slade's exclusive boot camp for unruly, blackmailed apprentices." Dick scoffed and waved away the title of either of them. "This event, I'll find out more about it soon. Keep everyone abreast of whatever I can provide."

~ You cooked a nice supper for our sworn nemesis and currently share a room with the man, don't worry.~ Raven's eyes saw right through the ex-boy wonder. ~ Your secret is safe with me. ~

"No secret, just afraid to tell my grandchildren about this when I can't eat like I did tonight. Night - ah….is it morning. By you?" He nervously scratched the back of his neck. Ukraine was far from his home, he could have been in a very old rendition of Gotham in the spring time.

~ Same as you remember, boy wonder. ~

Raven chuckled at the teen's shortcomings.

~ You'll never stop trying to get back. I promise, and that's no prophecy from my lips…~

/

Raven pseudo- got Dick to look her way to get his head out of the gutter while they have been apart. Raven Dick centric. Well? How fun was that and yes…my Itaki co will not work because of bad wiring. Such a powerful device. Whoo! Find out what next time will bring….!