Teen Titans – ReBel Yell – If I Had Stayed a Renegade-

/

This is more of a during Titans 03 where Dick is invited to Bruce's manor and gets….drunk. Set after apprentice part 2 when for whatever the case, Bruce insists he just slow down and speak to Leslie and Alfred and his own family. This is a different side to the dark knight before Jason so to that extent.

Taken in context. Similar to the comic where Slade wings it and steals a suit to join the party. No glasses though. Not

…the 90s. Ugh…

/

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

/

"I came, but what is my job." Dick Grayson tapped his foot as Alfred waited to diffuse the tension between Bruce abd his defiant young ward. Richard Grayson was Robin, the boy wonder and still acting leader – well, on vacation, from the Teen Titans in California. Here in Gotham, the smog was hotter than their summers had seemed on the west coast.

Dick didn't take to being a part of gathers having to do with Bruce's charities. In a way, he thought they were lacking sincerity and offered to watch but not act any parts out. That was denounced because for tonight, everyone was going to see his face and come crawling back since the break up of bat and protégé.

Never, partner.

"I would have assumed Alfred might have gone over the activities for tonight." Bruce turned to the butler, who defended himself without hesitation. "Master Dick was hoping to just be a guest, nothing more. He has been through an awfully traumatizing instance. Might we not give him some time?"

"I came to help with healing. You said that was fine."

"You needed to come home and get away from that issue, I allowed that. Tonight though, it would just be alright if…you could act as security. Maybe to help them out if it doesn't hurt your chance at going back."

Dick didn't say a word before he sighed out of defeat, "Fine. Who did you hire? Some actual suits, this time?"

"I had to." Bruce started to explain. "The gala tonight is showcasing a rare item that the museum is hoping to add to a collective archive. The texts might contain some hidden information about the AL- Ghuls."

"So, someone is willing to steal it. You want me and ten plus armored security agents to be ready to defend. A book, at all costs."

"If you can't, you can stay in your room or the cave for the evening. I don't want you to experience more conflict if you're not prepared, Dick."

"I became a criminal to stop a criminal. He's gone. There us no way I could forget, but this is important. If a Shadow has their eyes on that archive, it could put the safety of Gotham on the map." Dick swallowed, blue eyes circling as he rolled them. "FINE. I can do this, you know I have it in me to get over –

"Ah, there isn't an exact time table for healing, Master Dick." Alfred interjected to the young man. "You want to participate, and the risk of not doing so might be far greater. Besides, you are only monitoring the guards on and off throughout the house. You are allowed your time to rest in between. Isn't that right, Master Bruce?"

The billionaire cleared his through, caught thinking the opposite again. Same old paranoid resurfacing. Though, Dick's paranoid was now in check, that was what they'd hoped.

"I believe Mr. Queen of Queen Industries will be present, and the lovely Vicky Vale."

"I'll be sure to keep them on our side tonight. Bat or no bat, this will happen. Dick? Can I count on you to try over?"

Richard nodded, reluctant to tell Bruce that he wasn't sure. The fact he was giving up on his animosity since…before, but Bruce had reached out and he'd allowed for some down time. He trained, healed his mental wounds and spirit here like always. Almost. It wasn't like always. Barbara popped in and again and even as Robin on the side on patrol, he had to cut his time running short when the PTSD didn't stay down as a silent pup. For what it was, Slade had drained him. Bruce was trying to fix that overnight.

Slade. That madman had to be anywhere else. Hiding. Plotting. Making trouble wherever his feet took him. "I'm good to go, Bruce. Say the word. I'll even keep Roy off your back."

"Perhaps you shouldn't now, Master Dick." Alfred frowned, not knowing if Richard knew. "Roy, has elected to detach from the duo as you have. Ywt even as we now, surely support your ventures, Roy was not as fortunate. That poor boy. Mr. Queen didn't accept it and even tried a rougher approach. I'll get out the "safe" alcohol for his glasses this time, sir?"

"Might have to."

Dick looked at Al, then his old teacher. "What happened? They just, hate each other now? When was that?"

"Around a later date. Maybe sooner, but I would advise you not to bring it up if you see either. I'm intending on trying fir an intervention since…" Bruce rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ollie could gulp down faster than Aquaman ever could. You said it yourself, so yeah." Dick pulled back, just trying not to start more into their conversation about the other dynamic duo. "Loud and clear. I've got my orders, si –

Dick stopped. "Sorry! I…"

Alfred smiled kindly to the boy and put a hand to his shoulder. "Let's see to your tux. It should be fitted properly since your last growth spirit. Won't take long to hem the length. Excuse us a while, Master Bruce?"

"Of course." Bruce went in the opposite direction, yet both men, Richard knew what they'd thought of that answer. Slade's degree of "training" was brainwashing. That Dick did that out of not seeing the harm or, that he didn't or was not aware that he had at all. Now, hearing it clearly, he was aware and brought his head to his hands and blamed himself for not catching that. "Stupid! Ah…. I still have to control what…"

"It is your pain, and it takes time as I told you." Alfred reassured as Richard ignored the bother of his wetting eye lashes. He shook them off, his stance much more forgiving of the fault. For now. "Thanks, it was tough but we made it out. Tonight we can act like it never happened. At least, until I have to be a Titan again. I want to see my friends so badly..." He sighed. "They can't have me like this. Not till I'm ready and can lead them like before. Before S…him, before we ended up in separate directions."

"As you need to, this will just act as a distraction. You're not a bother, you're simply healing."

Dick wanted to tell them all to think about what they were saying. Why that wasn't what they really felt. He wasn't himself and maybe, Slade had made it all possible. Maybe being here abd working an odd job or two would cool his head…

He just wasn't sure, as Richard took Alfred's advice for now and went to go get fitted into his outgrown monkey suit.

/

In the next couple of hours on, the event, or party at the manor was looking like the time everyone wanted to join in on. Glasses glittered, people laughed with a stale appreciation for the common life. Bruce just let them come. He let them drop a few hundreds into the pot to feed a melting pot if starving kids. To keep the persona as unbreakable as his iron mask.

Richard wasn't old enough for the first bubbly, yet a sip ti toast was enough, then he had an inkling of a thought as it was erased by the presence of a boy his age with red hair and a scowl on. The teen was right beside a real life of the party – Queen, himself.

"This. Is a surprise! The band is back together, where is he? Your kud just waltzed back into your life, but Roy here –

"Get over yourself. I chose to show my support. Mostly." Roy frowned and walked away, possibly to brood in his misery.

Dick, despite earlier warnings, decided to join the red head by the balcony out back. Two souls hoping to acquire a present tense that hadn't existed until now.

"Hey." Dick shrugged, acting easy and loose enough to just be an eyesore.

"Hey." Roy's arms were crossed as he moved to lean over the railing and look down at the courtyard with a set of squinting green on so much walking green. Glittering toads, is what he saw.

"Heard you skipped town."

"And, you?" Dick huffed, not expecting that news to stay locked up for long. "What is the partner of Sherwood's "finest" doing back in Gotham? You heard about the archive too?"

"Maybe. Or maybe someone invited me back and…I said I don't care if I go or not. I'm just tired, Dick. I tried it out like you did, not hard to get a few jobs done on my own…but …" He picked at the side of the marble and swallowed, picking himself up as Roy breathed out one word. "Just, lonely. I mean, you have an amazing view if the bay, and you left it for what? To give props to your boss for not throwing a fit? You know he could go back on his word if you crack, here."

"Why did you show up, to knock me down?" Dick scrunched his eyes and imagined their faces. Their smiles. He and Roy were rivals as kids, nothing else. He was going to be sixteen soon, old enough to get out while he still could. Roy already was, and he'd not beaten Dick to the punch in time to say good luck.

"Thought you were rival material. I thought you were just like the dumb bird boy I met on a mission and laughed at fir wearing out his welcome. We don't have it in us to hate ourselves. You should listen. Bruce dressed you up and told you to sit and stay. Right? Am I wrong about that, while you are here. You have a team, and –

"You could join us, Roy." Dick let his brows sympathize. Dipping to show that he wasn't someone like Bruce or the bat.

Or a certain…. enigma.

"I could, but should I stoop as low as you did to get away. I want a team that won't stifle my freedom. Can I have that, Dickie?"

"Ask them, not me." Roy squinted at the other boy before heading for the hall, taking his anger elsewhere to cool as Dick decided not to follow. Roy was afraid of making connections. Conceited or insecure, Robin w as the same with his cape flapping off in the breeze. That cocky grin, now a grimace as one potentially new recruit…

He dropped his gaze and put his hands to his sides. Until…he saw a glass left. A crystal chalice, wine. Unattended.

Swallowing his shame, Dick swiped up his cure and left for the library. Someplace where the winter's fine chill of Gotham couldn't get to him by tonight.

/

Food, his share to the side and the glass back in the room which no one knew about without a key, he saw the archive as old as the generations passed.

Dick took to the sofa where a cushy excuse awaited him. Alfred would know, but he didn't budge. No sign, as long as Bruce's precious time was safe –

"First time sipping the fine wine? You know this life, I wouldn't guess you hadn't before."

Dick nearly dropped the glass in his lap, the shadow of a figure lurking amidst his eager to down vision. He was hear to stop hearing. To stop seeing, but all he ever saw outside his bedroom door…

Was, this.

The enigma was back to haunt him.

The man looked tangible in a suit not suited for a mad man the eye looked in as sharp as the glass on his lap. Dick awoke a second to realize it as he scooped up the contents and nearly made a fool of himself in front of a very possible enemy.

"Need any help –

"I got it." The boy went red as he saw how soaked it was. One spot did all of that?

"You gonna tell me I'm a coward, too? That I deserve to be here, while you just get what you came for…SLADE."

Richard took the shard and shot it right at the white haired male's cheek, the cut from his last encounter had healed. The gash being flesh, not the mask. "You needed a break. I would never have thought you'd fold if the bat lent his hand and hime back over to this faithful, ward."

"You don't know anything about my life, I wasn't so great, and we aren't friends. Get out –

"Excuse me? He can tell me to. You, you just have to entertain your guests, don't you. Servant of the bat."

DDck swung out as the glass was his only object to fend off the man, until his eyes spotted a letter opener. Too bad, because Slade saw it first and rolled over to put his hand to the sensors just over the glass casing if the archive's stand. A pillar, and in the way. Dick saw the man's eyes become knowing, fearsome as his own body froze. "Drop your weapon. I didn't come here to fight. Not today."

"You said another day." Dick recited from memory, his voice quaking by said memories. "Why can't that be right now? I'll pay you back for all of those people you hurt! How you hurt me, and insulted my family!"

"I didn't have to do that. You did, by leaving that tower unguarded. But I'm not here to pause and leave you a threat. Or them. Just to talk."

"Whatever you're trying to sell, it won't work. Find someone else."

"I might, hut it seems a shame since you've misplaced you, motivation." The man seemed to put, Richard feeling it in his blood as he lowered the glass, not disposing of the rest yet. He hissed as a bit of the shards cut at the inside of his hand. Slade dropped his weapon and in the moment it took, he tore his own shirt and offered it to the boy to clot his wound in a long serpentine strip of white fabric. "Would you rather tell the bat that you're shadow boxing inside his home? It's not yours to make a mess of. You're still only a guest here. Just like me."

"You snuck in somehow, stole an I.D. I don't care what it takes. You need to leave –

"I need to kick you out of your own head, sometime before tonight. Would you let me try, Dick?"

"Don't-

He against the boy's wishes, pulled through and that second less, he successfully had the strip round the kid's sodden wrist.

Slade congratulated his efforts openly. " Better."

Dick was in this trauma before. He couldn't scream. Couldn't move. He felt vertigo slowly –

"Hum, dear me. You are a handful. You lied, didn't you. About that glass. How many, child was it before you decided to retire yourself?"

Dick was brought carefully to the sofa to seat himself as Slade sat on the coffee table and never broke it. Not a wedge up, like magic. He held his hand to his chest and seeped into his lungs some way to get through this. " You…did that. You took me from my friends, made me think of you as a person. I already know who you are. Deathstroke. No one else cares that you're still walking, but I do. They do. They want you out of my life and…"

"Is the Joker not still walking? Why not get rid of him? What's your bat got against putting to bed his own nightmares…"

"I already know what he does for this city. What you…" Dick bit his lip, head heavy from too many small glasses. Even weak, he wasn't as tolerant as he thought.

"First galaxy this year and you're all washed up, tipsy in front of the enemy. Poor you." Slade tilted his head, showing some form of mock pity by his words. "If you had stayed, I might have showed you how to overcome that weakness. Eventually."

"Better you never could…" Dick groaned. "I would have kicked your record out…the window, even while laid up like this…"

Why was he? Three glasses? Then, he started to feel…too light. "Must say though, that last set was made especially for you by request. Might be a bit TOO doctored up for your tastes, little bird."

Dick gasped and tried to sit up. Drugged. Hell, no he was dreaming…this was a trick. He started to feel weak, scared. At this rate, he could be hallucinating the entire thing.

"Not a dream. But you are more compliant to my case like this. Quieter, so right now… we can still talk. Why did you listen to them, Dick?" Richard blinked.

"Was the alien the only reason you abandoned your role as my apprentice, or was it more than that? They saw you as a criminal, but I saw someone else out there. Almost perfect, ruthless."

"Was a mistake. All of it. Trusting you. Getting wound around –

"Bruce never allowed you to be set free like that. Do you hate me for setting your tether loose, little bird?"

"Stop …. you're not real –

"How can I be something imaginary, Richard, when here I have you. At my mercy...So, tell me. Why did you really come back to this manor by yourself? Were you embarrassed that your strength was once useful as something special. Dear boy, even if you craved the suspense of that last fight … one day, you must -

" Nnhu !" Dick shook his head, eyes burning and body as he barely could stand up. "Wh…u…gave…."

"A, relaxant." Slade removed his gaze to seek something else in this locked room. "It'll wear off by the time I'm done here." Slade got up and moved as Dick hear nothing of a tap from the man's shoes. A few beeps, and then he had a feeling that it wasn't all in his head. "Arc..hive…y…-

"I do odd jobs sometimes for, former acquaintances. You would know them by title, wouldn't you? And you bat…won't he be pleased to know what an utter failure you are now? Drunk off your ass on a drug you didn't bother to notice right away. He'd tell you to stay put for life. That you are –

" NN. O…" Dick shook his head, face buried in the cushions as a window's breeze chilled him upon it opening wide. "You have a little cleaning up to do. I'm not here to make life miserable. In memory, you might even later call on me, as a friend."

Dick's eyes shot open, his mouth drooling a bit as his heart got to a lower beat. His vision fuzzy and tormented by the plague known as Deathstroke.

"We could have been partners, but I won't give up if you promise not to. Can we hope someday, to truly fight again? As equals?"

Dick growled into the cushion as the man by his own measure, tousled the kid's scalp, making it turn to a head of blistering boils as Richard couldn't shake him off. "Sleep tight, little hero. I hope you come out of this…and you will. Any time, perhaps." The window shut as another door opened while two people cane running to find a drugged up and near motionless Dick Grayson with his face in the cushions. Tears couldn't fall. He had failed, which meant Bruce had to pick up the slack for Dick's failure as a partner anymore. A hand through his hair, it was the Slade's as he willed away the feeling of feeling so useless. So hopeless…until he drifted off to a needle in his upper arm.

/

"You know who stole the archive?"

Dick was holding an ice pack to his head, sitting up in the cave as Bruce made sure the drug was out of his system so that they could chat it up. Like old times. Only, Dick was still hurting someplace and this…felt like a punishment.

~ Hello think you're useless. ~

~ Throw you out. ~

~Can't be trusted. ~

"DICK." Bruce pulled the kid's arm as his eyes truly saw. Saw, the man who…. was worried about him, no. About that stupid book.

Not him. Not now.

"Why did you ask me…. why me?"

~ Why was I picked to be your apprentice?? Tell me? Why me? Why not somebody else?? You can't do this! ~

"I…never thought you should be alone. Not like this."

" LIKE." Dick stopped, a hand down from his ice pack. Slamming it down as Bruce never budged. "Like what ? Like a kid, a kid who was blackmailed into serving a…a psychopath in an attempt to stop him?? To lose my friends if I stepped one STEP out of line??? Like I did –

He stopped himself, trying to pull away while Bruce refused to be any less of an un moving wall. "I'm not letting you fight this alone. You came back because you do remember. That you realize that …I don't hate you or anything you did, Dick. I'm afraid this could happen again. That you won't be prepared the next time it does. I know who you fought on that roof. I wanted to tell you when you had gotten more settled in with us, but that…"

"He was here, Bruce." Dick croaked and pulled both hands to grip at his skull with his eyes getting moist. Too wet for a leader, a hero. What was wrong? He stomached bludgeonings, grizzled murders. Robin got more determined than this. He got downright…got ANGRY. He didn't cry!

" Why does this have to happen…. I was trying to get away but I'm haunted…I'm cursed to just see that mask wherever I go…you never did tell me how the Joker fixed you. How he made you so angry …why not do what you have to? Why –

"Anyone who's asked has gotten the same answer. Killing isn't it. It isn't why I protect this city. Maybe, you just have to find out what you want for yours. For your team to see you as. You are their leader, as long as you want to go back. But for now, I want you to take it easy."

"Slade." Dick sniffed as he dried his eyes before he could sob all over the gurney. "Slade was here, inside the manor. My…my wrist!" He pulled off the cloth. The fabric as it showed the scab healing underneath. "He gave his shirt - t-tore it." Dick stammered. "He, acted weird…like I wasn't…"

"He was in my home. He was testing those waters. He knew our identities because that's his job. As an assassin for hire, I can contact the ones who pulled the strings to have him steal the book." Bruce saw Dick shrug back the feeling of guilt bubbling below the surface. "I'm sorry…" Dick lowered his head; shame was more his cause. Nothing else, as Bruce didn't bring his hands over as Slade had.

There. He said it. The man had a complex now. Congrats. Cat and bird syndrome had to be a real diagnosis.

"You were a victim and I put you at risk, none of us knew he would try that. Not here. My suit." Bruce pulled back and scratched his cheek. "Was…missing from my room. It was, probably-

"Wait…" Dick looked at the cloth in his hands as a mean smile spread from cheek to cheek. "That was YOUR outfit?? He took it and you never even saw him??" Dick for the first time, burst out chuckling as Bruce let him get it out of the kid's system. "Oh, God…. he got us both. I got roofed, and you…you had a thief go through…your wardrobe!! Haha!!"

Dick held his stomach and for once, for the few seconds they had before bed, tears of humor and joy replaced those of fear and distrust in a friend. His family.

"Ah…I have to give it to Slade, he…literally knows how to pull the cords of some powerful people. Hah…ah, that." Dick wiped his eyes and looked up. The blue had meaning again. Maybe they would into the future…

Then, it made sense. "Dick. I figured out the cure to your unhappiness. Your friends may have the answer."

/

It was at 19 that an unofficially adult aged Dick Grayson decided to pave his own way.

New city. New day.

Bludhaven was a perfect place to show the world what he was capable of.

After being able to let go of love and to smile again, he always did have that chance to think out the details of a plan to surface as a vigilante. Blockbuster, KG Beast. Both pros in this city. Black Mask was Outlaw territory. Dick had…

Had…

He was resting, reading the news in his tiny living room and trying to contemplate his next move. The click of a set of locks at his apartment window had, apparently flipped upwards. Dick remained until he was ready to hit the hay. "First, shower off. Then I can –

He had his towel and was still in his day clothes. In this city, he'd assumed no one would know his face. Assumed. The worst excuse as a man of six-and-a-half-foot terror stood by his line of sight. Out of place amid the yellowing wallpaper of this tenement in Blud that he could still afford.

"Hello, Grayson. How is the life of a college student treating –

"You!" Dick got into his best stance as he used his towel as his only weapon. "Slade…. what are you doing? I told you; I'm-

"I needed you to listen. Not like before, you're too old for lectures." He eyed the apartment. The place looked unlivable to a snob with a position that was near Bruce's level. Even if he'd earned it in an unsavory way. "What is your intention to be here, Dick? A hero, I can tell you've never lost that…but to stay…"

"I'm not his son, you were right. Sort of. And I don't get a dime of it until the right moment comes along. Not yours to worry about." Dick in the past would have passed his pants in fear. Shot expletives without a reason to stop. Here? He just stood his ground and treated Slade like a nosy ex. It was funny. How the years had treated them both, the boy still dug deeper and deeper into ways to punish himself. Just like that damned flying rodent.

"I could use someone willing to gain a leverage up in thos city on my team. If you want that intel –

"Are you…selling yourself to me? What's going on here? Why did you come back? Track me down to this apartment-

"Hole in the wall. Lack of ventilation. By the looks of it, you don't have a job."

"Not yet, still looking. But not from criminals. Unless you'd like to volunteer yourself in handcuffs?"

"Takes one to catch one. Is that your game, Dick?" Slade's masked eye little a spark as the towel was up, Dick bolting to barrel into his enemy and pin him down before he was shoved off. Slade let him win, for old times' sake. "TELL ME. WHY are you not letting it go?? What do you want –

"A partner."

Dick pulled back as if that sentence. Those words, they were and always would be a stench of poison to his senses.

"No way. Not after what you did to us."

"It pays."

"LIKE HELL IT DOES." Dick got off of the man, wanted to strangle him, not slap him in the jaw. Some dark part of him did remember that laughter, but no more. This man was a ferocious tiger that could put him in his grave at 20 if he was lucky to receive such pity from….

From…

"Just…" He took a deep breath, hand pointing for the window, when nothing happened and Slade cocked his head like a dumb mutt…the door. "Out, and I don't want you showing your face."

"Too bad, kid." Slade stood up, taller as his arms circled Dick's to lift him off the ground.

" Nnneh…. get…. out! Slade!" The man titled with a cluck of his tongue as he never even applied a full amount of pressure to do anything but leave a few bruises. He claimed, and tonight…

"This isn't your city, YET ." Hissed the mad man, far too close. "When you can finally land a decent punch. I'll respect that, but for now… I owe you a solid for letting me go back to Jump during Trigon's reign. I don't forget those promises very lightly. You'll like what I have to sell, won't you…. Nightwing ?"

/

Dick was pushed to the brink that night as something in him slipped through the cracks. He folded and listened, not shaking. Not wanting to cry or vomit or ask the man to show him mercy. None of it. For the first time, he felt exactly like that "equal" Slade had mentioned he'd become one day.

Maybe, he could use this man and pay him back in full, Dick thought as Slade went over the details of his plan.

New mask.

New attitude.

Behind bars, that is. Where he'd be laughing it up just like the Joker as the older man got what he deserved.

The one that got away, was no longer his nightmare to share with the people he cared about.

Just. All his.

/