Wow, I can't believe October's almost over already – which of course means it's time to gear up for Halloween! Stay safe, have fun dressing up, and enjoy your candy, guys.
Over the following week, Bella fell into a new routine: Bo came over every morning, sometimes with Kenzi and sometimes alone, to inspect Bella's outfit – or, as she put it, to ensure that Bella didn't slip back into bad habits – and drive her to school (thankfully, the weather, though still cloudy, had turned dry enough that she could put her convertible's top down, allowing the lingering smell of disinfectant to dissipate). At school, Bella and Edward still kept a certain amount of distance between them, not wanting to spark any more gossip than they could help, but since her truck was still out of commission, he drove her home every day.
They didn't go to the diner again, but they spent a great deal of time parked outside her house, continuing discussions that began during the drive about their shifting attitudes toward themselves, each other, and life in general, and what it all meant for their future together. Edward confessed that changing his mindset was even harder than he'd expected, that not overreacting when she revealed the extent of the danger she'd encountered in Seattle had been a feat of self-restraint nearly on par with resisting the urge, the overwhelming need, to attack her that he'd felt on that fateful day when he caught his first whiff of her delicious succubus blood in the biology lab, and that he was still struggling to accept the idea that she might want such misadventures to become a semi-regular occurrence.
"If you do, though," he added, "I suppose I would rather be there with you. I won't try to stop you from doing what you want – at least, I'll try not to – but I'll still protect you as much as I can. You can't expect me to stop caring about your safety completely, Bella."
"Fair enough," she said after considering it for a moment. "I wouldn't mind you watching my back, as long as you let me watch yours too. Like I said, I want us to be partners."
At that moment, the cloud cover thinned slightly, allowing a single ray of pale sunlight to shine through and cast a pearly luminescence over their formerly dreary surroundings. Bella instantly perked up, as she did at any rare glimpse of the sun she was lucky enough to catch in Forks, and eagerly reached for her door handle while beckoning Edward to join her. "All my neighbors are still at work, but if you're really worried, we can go around back. No one will see you."
Giving in to her urging, he followed her to the backyard, where he quickly retreated into the shade of the trees. Bella stayed just beyond the shadows' reach for a moment with her face turned up to the sky, basking in the sun's radiance until the clouds closed in again. Then she stepped back into the shadows – and inadvertently backed right into Edward, knocking herself off-balance as she bounced off him.
His hands automatically went to her waist as she stumbled, steadying her, while she instinctively twisted around to grab the closest thing she could use to keep herself upright, which happened to be his shoulders. It was the first time they had come into physical contact with one another since beginning their break…and just like always, feeling each other's touch sent waves of electricity coursing through every nerve in their bodies.
They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, stunned at the overwhelming sensation that was achingly familiar yet somehow seemed to have grown even stronger than they remembered during their time apart – then, with no conscious decision on either side, without either of them even realizing what they were doing, they were kissing, their lips moving together with a passion that bordered on desperation, and the rest of the world fell away. It was just the two of them, alone in the universe, and nothing else mattered…
Except the fact that Bella still needed to breathe. When she reluctantly pulled away, filling her lungs in deep, heaving gasps, reality came crashing back in.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean… I'm sure couples who are taking a break aren't supposed to-"
At that moment, she finished reoxygenating and lifted her head, and the blue fire in her eyes made it plain that his fears of having overstepped some unforgivable boundary, of destroying whatever progress they had made by making her feel that he had somehow manipulated her, were completely unfounded.
"That's okay. You said you wanted to keep me safe, didn't you?" She moved back into his personal space, gazing up at him with undisguised hunger and desire. "You know, that guy who wanted to sacrifice me and the other girls targeted us because we were virgins; I wouldn't mind if you protected me from that ever happening again."
"…That would be an even more serious breach of the rules."
The fire in Bella's eyes was instantly snuffed out as they faded back to brown, her expression turning to one of frustration. "Ugh, you and your rules. That's another thing we need to talk about – before everything happened, I know you were trying to be more flexible when it came to, you know, the physical side of our relationship, at least for feeding purposes, and I appreciated that, but you still held something back. I could tell you were still being careful-"
"Because I had to," Edward interrupted, now looking rather frustrated himself. "Bella, I… I know your need for chi has to be met, and I realize that you're more durable than a human, but you are not invincible. You can still bleed, your bones can still be broken-"
"They can also heal in a matter of seconds," she pointed out. "Look, Edward, I didn't make a big deal out of it before because I wasn't in a rush to go all the way, and to be honest I'm still not…but you should know that if we get back together, it is something I'll want to do eventually. And by 'eventually', I don't mean a hundred years from now."
Edward didn't say anything, which she supposed was a slight improvement over the flat refusal he'd given her the first time she had tentatively inquired about the possibility of one day consummating their love, but it was clear from the almost panicked look in his eyes that he hadn't expected her to add it to the list of issues they needed to resolve and wasn't sure how to react now that she had.
After a minute or two of waiting in vain for him to speak, she sighed and said, "I guess I don't need an answer right now. Just think about it, okay?"
"I'll certainly do that." In fact, he doubted he would be able to think of anything else for the rest of the day.
She seemed pleased, but her manner was more reserved now, the wall between them that had so briefly broken down firmly back in place, and it wasn't long before she excused herself and went into her house, leaving Edward to wrestle with the new problem that had just been dumped on him.
###
True to his expectations, Edward did indeed spend the rest of the day stewing over Bella's new condition for reconciliation, without making much headway. He'd already discussed the topic with Carlisle prior to his first feeding session with Bella, and that conversation had been very helpful in assuaging his concerns over the morality of premarital intimacy – which had turned out not to be such a huge issue after all, once they discovered that actual intercourse wasn't necessary to heal her broken leg.
They hadn't revisited the subject since then, as she had seemingly been satisfied with more kissing and touching than he had previously allowed…but now it appeared that his luck had finally run out, forcing him to confront the issue all over again. He didn't want to bother Carlisle about it again, since he felt that his father had already said all that he needed to hear on the religious aspects of his dilemma; the only question lingering in his mind on that point was whether he should tell Bella that he wanted to marry her someday, also in less than one hundred years. He wasn't going to give her an ultimatum, but if they were talking about things they wanted to change in their relationship before resuming it, surely he should be able to make his wishes known too.
That wasn't what weighed on him most heavily, though. Despite all assurances to the contrary – despite knowing on an intellectual level that it would be totally illogical for the very thing succubi depended on for sustenance to be harmful to them – he couldn't shake the fear, which ran deeper than logic and reason, that the level of physical intimacy Bella wanted was just too dangerous.
Maybe it was because he had seen her grievously injured once before; the image of her lying in her hospital bed after her encounter with James was one that would haunt him for the rest of eternity, and every time he tried to envision being with her in the way she wanted, to think through how it would happen, his mind took him back to that ballet studio instead, to the sight of her on the floor, bleeding and broken. He could see her in the hospital again, wires and tubes threaded into her veins, gauze and plaster holding her shattered bones together…only this time, it would be his fault…
Those intrusive thoughts continued tormenting him until he found it impossible to remain still, and his body moved without conscious direction, outpacing even his lightning-fast brain as he leapt through the glass door of his room and went soaring out into the gathering shadows of twilight. Then he was in the woods, running so fast his feet hardly seemed to touch the ground, trees flashing past as he instinctively dodged or jumped every obstacle in his path.
Reveling in the freedom of movement, Edward pushed himself to go even faster. It was almost like flying, and it was wonderful to outrun his thoughts and worries, to lose himself in the solitude of the darkening forest… Until suddenly he wasn't alone anymore. He sensed a presence some distance away, and a moment later he recognized the sentience behind it as Dyson – needing that extra moment because Dyson's mind felt different than usual, more animalistic and instinct-driven, his thoughts simpler and more oriented toward pictures than words. He must be in his wolf form.
For a split second, Edward wondered if he should change course, swerve off his current path before it converged with the wolf's, but too late – he could already see flashes of gray-brown fur through the trees, and before long the enormous canine came into full view. It was the first time Edward had seen him like this – the first time he had seen any shifter in their animal form since that first encounter with the Quileutes so many decades ago – and he had to admit it was an impressive sight. The smell was awful, of course, much worse than when Dyson was in human form, but there was something strangely majestic about him, just as there was about real wolves…only magnified due to the fact that wolf-shifters were several times larger than their purely canine cousins.
Dyson acknowledged him with a nod of his furry head, and they ran on side by side for a few more miles, until they came to a river and Dyson decided to stop for a drink. Edward stopped too, watching him lap at the rushing water for a moment before speaking.
"What brings you out here this evening?"
Running, came the direct, concise answer as Dyson lifted his dripping muzzle to grin at the vampire. Can't keep the wolf caged too long. You?
"The same, I suppose," Edward replied after a second's hesitation. "Feeling caged, that is. I needed…to get out of my own head for a bit. I never thought I would say this, but I almost envy you just now. Not that I have any desire to become a dog, of course, but it seems that granting your inner animal free rein does give you a certain…clarity."
Life's a lot less complicated when I let my animal instincts take over, Dyson agreed, but my mind doesn't shut down completely. The human side of me never fully goes away, just like the wolf is always there when I'm a man. In fact, his mind was changing at that very minute, the wolf brain receding as his more cerebral side came out in response to Edward talking to him, though his body retained its lupine shape. His clothes were in the Cullens' backyard, hanging over a tree branch (at least, they had better still be there when he got back, or Emmett would be in serious trouble), and he didn't feel like running around naked. Fortunately, he didn't have to, since Edward's telepathy made it possible to converse with him without shifting back.
It was funny, he reflected idly, how the idea of a vampire hearing every thought in his head had bothered him when he first learned of Edward's gift, but now, like so many other things about the Cullens, it seemed he'd grown used to it. When Edward's cloyingly sweet vampire scent first cut through the clean, natural smells of pine, oak, and deer and burned its way into his sensitive nose, his wolf's first instinct had been to hunt down the creature and attack, but it had been disconcertingly easy to dismiss that impulse once he identified the otherwise offensive aroma as belonging to one of the coven he, Bo, and Kenzi were staying with. Instead of fighting each other as their natures demanded, they had run together, and now – may the Wolf Spirit help him – he actually felt some concern for the vampire's troubles. Anything in particular you needed clarity on?
"It has to do with Bella, naturally," Edward said with a short, dry laugh. "Before I met her, my life…could be quite dull, even to such a degree that it almost felt pointless at times, but it made sense. Ever since she entered my world, it seems I'm constantly being forced to rethink everything I thought I knew – rather like your own experience after meeting Bo."
Maybe it's something that runs in their family, Dyson suggested thoughtfully. They both seem to have a knack for shaking up the status quo. Edward nodded, his expression still one of somber preoccupation, and Dyson sensed that whatever the latest development between him and Bella might be, it really had him tied up in knots. With a sigh, the wolf asked, Would it help to talk it over with someone who's been there? He wasn't sure exactly when he'd become a confidant and relationship therapist to a seventeen-year-old vampire, but since it seemed to have happened whether he liked it or not, he decided he might as well go with it.
"That's very kind of you," Edward told him, looking surprised at the offer, "but I'm not sure it would be appropriate. My concerns this time are of a rather…intimate nature."
If you're looking for sex advice, then you're right, I'm definitely the wrong person to ask, Dyson said at once, flattening his ears and letting out a low growl of dismay. It wasn't that he couldn't give advice on that topic, it was more that he really, really didn't want to. Maybe you should talk to your dad about that.
"I already have, and I don't think he can help me," Edward said despondently. "After all, the only woman he's ever been with is a vampire."
This unexpected statement broke through Dyson's discomfort, sparking a hint of reluctant curiosity. What does species have to do with it? Having been with several different types of fae prior to meeting Bo, he knew for a fact that sex was sex, regardless of species…unless you had the dubious good fortune to encounter one of the rare breeds that were equipped with interesting anatomical anomalies.
"It matters because two vampires aren't likely to cause one another bodily harm in the throes of passion. Succubi, on the other hand… Bella would be furious if she heard me say this, but the fact of the matter is that, from a purely physical standpoint, she is much more susceptible to damage than I am."
That's what has you so upset? You're afraid of hurting her?
"Of course I am. I've been terrified from the moment I realized my feelings for her that the tiniest lapse in self-control could destroy my world forever, and now she's insisting on testing my control in a way I had hoped to delay indefinitely, or at least for another handful of centuries."
Dyson responded with an odd coughing bark. After a moment, Edward realized it was the closest he could get to laughing in his current form.
"Stop that; of course I realize now how foolish those hopes were. She is a succubus, after all," he said irritably.
It's not just that, it's the idea of a succubus getting hurt if things get too wild in the bedroom. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is?
"Is it?" In spite of himself, Edward started to perk up a little; Carlisle had voiced a similar belief once, but he obviously had no way of knowing for sure, since Bo and Bella were the first succubi he'd encountered, and of course his knowledge of their kind was purely clinical, not carnal. Dyson, on the other hand, was very well acquainted with at least one particular specimen of that elusive, mysterious breed, and his strength was comparable to a vampire's even in his human form, as his arm wrestling match with Emmett had proven. If Bo really had come through all of their passionate interludes completely unscathed (and judging by the sounds Edward sometimes heard issuing from their room despite his best efforts, Dyson was definitely not holding back with her) then maybe he really was blowing the whole problem out of proportion.
"I don't wish to pry into yours and Bo's private affairs, of course…"
Fortunately, Dyson understood what he was trying to ask and spared him the embarrassment of trying to find a suitably delicate way of phrasing the question. No, I've never hurt her, he said soberly, his gold and black eyes fixed unwaveringly on Edward's face. Succubi draw strength from the pleasure of whatever acts they perform with their partners, so even if you do get a little carried away, they heal so fast that you never even see a bruise. I'm pretty sure they don't feel any pain either.
The words were accompanied by a rush of mental images, flashes of memory that rose to the surface of his mind unbidden – there were several scenes of Bo showing up at his door with various wounds, intercut with glimpses of those wounds disappearing before his eyes and the way she looked in the mornings following their healing and/or feeding sessions. No matter how rough they got with each other, she invariably woke up refreshed and full of energy, without a single mark on her.
"Thank you," Edward said softly, his voice filled with quiet yet fervent gratitude. "It may have seemed absurd to you, but you can't imagine how this fear has preyed on my mind."
That was true; while Dyson had experienced his fair share of fear that he might lose Bo for various reasons, he had never worried that he might accidentally cause her physical harm, so he simply said, Glad I could help.
"You have," Edward assured him, "more than you know…and if we find that Emmett has absconded with your clothing when we get home, I'll make him return it."
###
Edward hoped to resume yesterday's conversation with Bella after school, thinking perhaps they could break their impasse now that he felt so much more optimistic about her chances of surviving if he gave in to her demands, but when he went out to the parking lot after the final bell rang, he found Bo and Kenzi waiting for her.
"Sorry to mess up you guys' plans," Bo said with genuine regret, "but we've gotta get Bella ready for movie night."
"Oh, right, that's tonight – I can't believe it's Friday already." Bella looked helplessly from the other women to Edward, obviously torn between her prior commitment and what she wanted to do now, so he decided to make it easier for her.
"Of course you should keep your plans with your friends; it would be rude to cancel at the last minute. Enjoy your evening, Bella."
"You can come too, if you want to," she offered in a last-ditch effort at not losing her time with him; she hadn't fully realized just how much she had missed him until they started talking again, and she didn't want him to think she was purposefully excluding him from an outing with her human friends.
"And deprive Mike Newton of the chance to make one last sales pitch?" he asked lightly. He even managed to grin, as if he found the notion amusing rather than infuriating, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "That hardly seems fair."
"Shut up," Bella grumbled, and his forced smile instantly brightened into something real. "I'm actually hoping to get Mike and Jessica back together tonight, so…" She swung around to face Bo and Kenzi. "Maybe we shouldn't go all out just this once? I don't want to look too good."
Bo and Kenzi exchanged looks, apparently holding some kind of silent conference, before turning back to her. "Gotcha. We'll keep tonight's succubus factor to a five," Kenzi said reassuringly.
"Sounds good," Bella agreed, though she couldn't help thinking that she would feel a lot better once she saw what Kenzi's idea of a five entailed.
###
An hour and a half later, when Bo and Kenzi had finished their work, Bella wasn't sure whether she felt like a five or not. She had successfully talked them out of making her wear a top that looked a little too much like a corset for her comfort, they had kept the glittery makeup to a minimum, and her outfit included a lot less leather than either of theirs (only a black jacket). On the other hand, they had forced her into a pair of boots that reached her knees and a denim skirt that didn't come anywhere near her knees, and when they arrived at Jacob's house to pick him up as promised, his reaction sent a feeling of foreboding rippling through her.
"Wow," he stammered, staring at them through eyes the size of saucers. "You guys are…wow. I mean, uh, you look great. Now I feel underdressed."
"You're fine," Bella assured him. "These two just have a different idea of how to dress for a night out with friends, that's all." She shot a subtle glare at the pair in question while silently consoling herself with the knowledge that at least her shirt wasn't as low-cut as Bo's, Kenzi's skirt was as short as hers, and she, unlike the goth girl, wasn't wearing fishnets underneath (not for lack of trying on their part, but that was another point on which she had put her foot down).
"There's nothing wrong with adding a little extra panache to your Friday night style," Kenzi argued, wagging a finger – tipped with freshly painted purple nails that matched her hair extensions – at her. "It only seems like overkill to you because you've still got your head stuck in the bargain basement. When we meet up with the rest of your posse, I'll bet you every wig I own that the other girls are at least a little bit glammed up too."
Bella didn't take her up on that bet since she didn't want Kenzi's wigs, but when they reached the rendezvous point at Mike's house, she had to admit that Kenzi was right; the camisole-style top underneath Jessica's jacket was definitely not dress code compliant – perhaps she'd had the same idea about using the evening to remind Mike of what he was missing out on – and even Angela had taken her hair out of its usual ponytail and put on more makeup and jewelry than she typically wore to school.
The guys seemed to appreciate their efforts – but still, when the two succubi and Kenzi climbed out of Bo's car, every eye was instantly riveted on them, and the aura of every teenage male in the vicinity lit up like a display of Christmas lights. Interestingly, Bella noticed that even Jessica and Angela weren't immune to the effect of Bo's stunning beauty, as they both became tongue-tied at her approach.
At last, Jessica managed to say, "So, Bella…this is your sister, huh?"
"She looks just like you, doesn't she, Jess?" Angela added, still gazing raptly at Bo as she addressed the other girls.
"Yeah, totally. Just like her," Jessica agreed almost dazedly. Bella supposed it was impressive that at least she and Angela could still talk; Mike, Eric, and Tyler were just standing around, looking like a comet had just fallen on their heads.
"Thanks," Bo said with a bright smile. "And you two were the first friends Bella made here in Forks, right? She talks about you all the time. It's great to finally meet all of you."
Her friendliness and charisma soon put everyone at ease (it also helped that nothing could still Jessica's tongue for long, so she was soon jabbering away like always), and they piled into Mrs. Crowley's minivan, which Tyler had borrowed for the occasion. Bella had intended to maneuver Mike and Jessica into sitting next to each other, but it appeared that Jessica was more interested in learning everything she could about Bo at the moment, as she opted to sit with her instead, still chattering a mile a minute.
Somehow, without quite knowing how it happened, Bella found herself crammed into a backseat between Mike and Jacob, both of whom were watching her with something a little too close to outright lust for her comfort, their auras still radiant even as their fellow humans started to acclimate to Bo's presence and calm down. Well, this is off to a great start… I knew I shouldn't have let Kenzi talk me into wearing this stupid skirt!
Well, it looks like our favorite couple are closer than ever to working things out… Bella just needs to tie up loose ends with her other admirers first, which we'll get to see her attempting to do next time. Oh, and if you're wondering what happened after Edward's and Dyson's forest run, Emmett did indeed run off with Dyson's clothes. Because of course he did.