It was a week before Halloween before Harry managed to meet up with Professor Lupin and Ben to have a chance to find out about what was bothering Ben and why Professor Lupin looked as though he was going to jump in the way of the Boggart when it neared Harry. He had been wandering the halls without Ron and Hermione when he had heard Professor Lupin's voice call out, "Harry."
He turned to face Professor Lupin, who had been looking around his office door.
"What are you doing?" said Lupin, though in a very different voice from Filch. "Where are Ron and Hermione?"
"Arguing with each other," said Harry airily.
"Ah," said Lupin. He considered Harry for a moment. "Why don't you come in? I've just taken delivery of a Grindylow for our next lesson. I was just showing it to Ben."
"A what?" said Harry.
He followed Lupin into his office. In the corner stood a very large tank of water. A sickly green creature with sharp little horns had its face pressed against the glass, pulling faces and flexing its long, spindly fingers.
"Water demon," said Lupin, surveying the Grindylow thoughtfully. "We shouldn't have much difficulty with him, not after the Kappas. The trick is to break his grip. You notice the abnormally long fingers? Strong, but very brittle."
Ben, who was seated in one of the chairs in front of the desk nursing a cup of tea, nodded as the Grindylow bared its green teeth and then buried itself in a tangle of weeds in a corner.
"Cup of tea?" Lupin said, looking around for his kettle. "I was just thinking of making one."
"All right," said Harry.
Lupin tapped the kettle with his wand and a blast of steam issued suddenly from the spout.
"Sit down," said Lupin, taking the lid off a dusty tin. "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid — but I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?"
Harry and Ben both snorted, remembering how Ron had come to them after his Divination class panicking about his tea leaves.
"Professor McGonagall told you, didn't she?" Ben stated.
"Yes," said Lupin, passing Harry a chipped mug of tea. "You're not worried, are you?"
"No," said Harry.
"Nope," Ben agreed, popping his p slightly. He seemed to be in a better mood than he had been for the Boggart. Ben noticed Harry's gaze. "Something on your mind, Harry?"
"Two things," Harry replied. "Professor, why did it look like you were about to jump in front of the Boggart when it came towards me?"
"I would have thought that was obvious, Harry," he said, sounding surprised.
Harry, who had expected Lupin to deny that he'd done any such thing, was taken aback.
"Why?" he said again.
"Well," said Lupin, frowning slightly, "I assumed that if the Boggart faced you, it would assume the shape of Lord Voldemort."
Harry stared. Not only was this the last answer he'd expected, but Lupin had said Voldemort's name. The only person Harry had ever heard say the name aloud (apart from himself) was Professor Dumbledore and Ben, although Ben generally preferred mocking moniker rather than his chosen name.
"Clearly, I was wrong," said Lupin, still frowning at Harry. "But I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staffroom. I imagined that people would panic."
"I didn't think of Voldemort," said Harry honestly. "I - I remembered those Dementors."
"I see," said Lupin thoughtfully. "Well, well… I'm impressed." He smiled slightly at the look of surprise on Harry's face. "That suggests that what you fear most of all is - fear. Very wise, Harry."
Harry didn't know what to say to that, so he drank some more tea.
"So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the Boggart?" said Lupin shrewdly.
"Well… yeah," said Harry. He was suddenly feeling a lot happier. "The other thing, before we return to the subject of Dementors, was about Ben's Boggart."
Ben had tensed slightly before relaxing, resignation clearly written on his face. "I probably should have told you earlier, but I suppose it couldn't be avoided. I, well, no, how to phrase this? … I saw a smuggler kill this summer. I had stumbled across his, well … wares, I guess might be the best way of phrasing it, or no, maybe animals? Anyway, I stumbled across the cages and, feeling compassion for the beasts, started opening the cages. The smuggler returned and threatened me. I hid behind one of the cages as a beast I aided chose to attack him. I watched, unable to look away as the man was mauled to death. I managed to shakily release the remaining animals before I ran home, some of them following me. None of them were deadly, thankfully, but Mum was still terrified when I came running home, crying, being followed by a group of creatures that aren't dangerous to a competent witch or wizard."
Harry was still confused. "How does that - "
"Being faced with the fragility of human life has a way of reshuffling one's priorities," Ben interrupted. "It forced me to consider what would happen if it happened to me or someone I was close to. The Boggart picked up on that, and manifested as one of my greatest fears, being alone. My Mum has been the person I've been closest to for many years. Seeing her dead makes me feel so very, very alone."
"So that's why you've changed," said Harry in realization.
Ben snorted. "Yeah, that's become one of the most powerful memories in my psyche at the moment. It's certainly not helped by the Dementor situation."
"That reminds me," said Harry, turning back to Lupin. "Why do they affect me so much? Why doesn't anyone else faint? Am I just - ?"
"It has nothing to do with weakness," said Professor Lupin sharply, as though he had read Harry's mind. "The Dementors affect you worse than the others because there are horrors in your past that the others don't have."
Ben muttered something about the damn Dursleys under his breath.
"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soul-less and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life. And the worst that happened to you, Harry, is enough to make anyone fall off their broom. You have nothing to feel ashamed of."
"When they get near me -" Harry stared at Lupin's desk, his throat tight. "I think I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum."
Lupin gripped Harry's shoulder as Ben put an arm around Harry's shoulder, squeezing slightly. The remainder of the visit took on a much more positive note, ending after around an hour.
AN: Not much to say. I hope everyone has a good Easter or had a good Passover. Next chapter should be in two weeks.
Uploaded Apr. 4th, 2021