Murder. Homicide. The act of willfully killing another individual. For a long time, I've managed to avoid doing such an act. Sure, other crimes were perfectly fine to me.

Stealing, breaking and entering, even some threats here and there. I was not above even just the implication of a crime. Most of the time, it didn't amount to anything more than words. In my defense, it was the people who assumed I was a good-for-nothing bastard from my eyes.

I mean, they were right in thinking that. I'm just saying, they should really not assume based on my appearance.

Regardless, legally-not-crime is just part of everyday life, in my opinion. Looking to the modern world, can you really say that my wage slave parents weren't a part of a criminally-adjacent company? Work hours that made it so that they weren't home, leaving their underage children to take care of themselves? Not even giving time off to see their son while he was in the hospital?

I understand I was just describing a black company over in Japan, and I stand by my statement that they were criminals in all but name. Ergo, my entire life, I've essentially lived a life of crime by virtue of making use of my parents' income.

But never have I actually committed murder. Not when I came very, very close when it came down to the wire. When Granhiert was staring down at us, back when I first met Natsuki. No, more than that, I was certain that should I see her again, she would be the first murder I would commit. That I remembered, at least.

According to Natsuki, I had already done so.

Back during the fight with the Whale, someone had broken into my shop. An Archbishop, by the sound of it. Not Romanée-Conti, no. Someone completely different. And my response was to portal them above the Whale, just in time to let that person get swallowed by the fog.

I don't remember doing it, but then again, that was the point, wasn't it? That the past me subconsciously made? We both knew that if he succeeded, the me of now would never remember it. Was it to spare myself the grief that I had, in fact, killed someone?

Or maybe, more pressingly, that me never thought of it?

The terrifying thing is that I don't know. I know I'd like to say I never changed, that I was the same person that I was back then as I am now. I also know that that's just not true. Each person is made by the experiences that they grew up with. Shaped by events that dragged them into being who they were.

Some events were the same to me and the other me. Saving Yuigahama's dog. Joining the Service Club. Being transported over here.

Some were completely different. Being quasi-friends with Karsten's camp. Being an info broker. And most startlingly perhaps, the existence of my Authority.

From what I can tell, an Archbishop of the Witch Cult usually had an Authority. That Authority depended on what they were most compatible with, and were the product of imbibing a Witch Factor. That much, I can guess from Romanée-Conti's words.

So, why was it that I got one in the first place? Was I destined to become a villain?

Or was it that it was never mine to begin with?

The White Whale was capable of rewriting history. Changing things to a point that none of us knew. How would we know if events in the past happened the way they really did, or if they were tainted by the Whale's fog erasing a significant individual?

Case in point, myself. And one other that I was beginning to suspect.

So far, Natsuki had been right about everything, right up until I had apparently shoved the Archbishop over the Whale. By far, that was the only divergence point that would make sense. Why he was wrong with Romanée-Conti. No, even that would have Natsuki's words put into disservice.

He was right.

Up until I did something that irrevocably changed the past. Was it a bit arrogant of me to say it outright? Maybe. Was it correct? More than likely.

That being said, I have no idea how Romanée-Conti's sanity fits in with all this. Then again, the most we know about the guy I killed was that he was an Archbishop. I can only assume just how much that affected just about everyone he had interacted with. And considering the whole 'Moderates vs Radicals' scenario Romanée-Conti kept espousing, I can guess that the two sides had, in the previous timeline, fought one another, and that led to Romanée-Conti becoming who Natsuki saw.

…Was I perhaps treating my first act of murder too callously?

I won't deny it. Yes, I am. The fact is, the previous me, had he thought of it, was correct. I don't feel guilty. Wary, yes, that such a thing was erased from my mind, one of the few things I treasured as truly my own. Pissed that I was forced into such a situation. Annoyed that again, my greatest problem was the cause of my past self.

But not guilty.

I mentioned it before, ranted about it in the recesses of my mind. To feel guilt would necessitate something to have happened. For the person who should feel that guilt to have done something.

And, by all accounts other than Natsuki's, I had done literally nothing.

The person by whom I should invariably feel guilt for killing had never existed. Even then, how was I supposed to feel guilt, when his death had led to generally better lives for the rest of us? How many people had that Archbishop killed over the years? How many people suffered because of him?

Literally countless.

His death had reversed all of that, even if I would never know it. Even if none of us would know it, other than Natsuki, had he even bothered to see the state of the common populace before this entire debacle.

Yes. I believe that my act, never having happened in this history, was for the greater good. And that, with all the rippling effects that it will cause will continue to be a net positive for this world.

It has to.

…

"Hachiman."

"Karsten."

"None of that now." The green-haired woman sat in front of me, lightly glaring at me as she did so, "How are you doing?"

We were seated at a makeshift tent on the outskirts of the Mathers manor. More a command outpost than anything, Karsten had it set up to more closely monitor the situation. So far, no other Cultists had been spotted. That didn't mean much, seeing just how massive the forest was, it would be easy to scatter individuals around and only have them attack at a predetermined time.

Pushing into the forest would be a fool's errand. Evacuation was better, except doing so would also necessitate us forming a defensible column to escort the villagers somewhere else. Unfortunately, with our opponents being a damned Archbishop, a relief column would only make swathes of the line less defensible than others.

After all, as much as Karsten's veterans were good, none of them would be able to fight off an Archbishop. Doing so would be suicidal.

And so, the best thing to do now was to hunker down, and wait for the enemy to come to us. Once we confirm the Archbishop was occupied by Astrea, Karsten, the maids, or everyone combined, we would evacuate everyone.

I would have used my portals to make things easier, except, I didn't want to.

I realized soon after Natsuki told me about my actions that I should not have been able to use my magic anymore. That the only reason why I was still moving where most others would have collapsed was that I was making use of my Authority.

Honestly, I was surprised not even Argyle caught it. I should have had my gate broken from all the shit I've been pulling off. And yes, I could do so again. I just didn't want to. My memories tell me that I've had this Authority for the better part of the decade. Natsuki tells me I had it for the better part of the day.

And, as ludicrous as it sounds, I would rather trust the isekai protagonist who retains their memories after a massive Whale fucks everyone else's. I didn't want to mess with my Authority any more than I explicitly needed to. Until I figure out just how much it's truly affected me, now realizing that I could have turned out into the person Romanée-Conti was apparently supposed to be.

I shook myself from my thoughts, remembering that Karsten was still waiting for my answer patiently.

"Good enough for someone like me."

"If you're capable of talking like that, then I am inclined to believe you." I heard her breathe through her nose, "That is, if it were anyone other than yourself. Now, please, be honest for once."

I remained quiet as she continued to stare at me. After a few moments, I couldn't help but look away.

"I see." I chanced a glance back at her as she spoke, spotting a melancholic smile on her lips as I did, "Understand, Hachiman, that I do appreciate you being here. From what Subaru Natsuki spoke of, without you, I was a different person. I would like to think I was worse off. So, for however much you blame yourself, know that I thank you just as much."

"...Why?"

"You're my friend, Hachiman. Why wouldn't I appreciate you?"

Friends. Yes. Perhaps I could consider her my friend. I already subconsciously did, didn't I? Starting from that meeting in my shop. Except, according to Natsuki, me and her haven't met face to face until a couple of days ago.

I-

"You're overthinking again." Karsten cut through my monologue, "Hachiman. You've told me once that past experiences make the person who they are today. You've probably monologued to yourself about that very topic earlier, if I know you." Woman, how the hell did you know that? Esper?

"And aren't memories just past experiences in their entirety? Yes, these memories wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the Whale's fog. At the same time, the reason why we're here is that you and I were forged from those memories." She gave me one more smile as I stayed silent

…Ha. Karsten tried, but damn, she can be as bad as Yukinoshita when she tries to cheer someone up. Inspiring speeches? Getting someone worked up? These two have it in the bag. Trying to solve an existential crisis? Fucking atrocious.

"You know what, Karsten? Yeah, I am pretty great." She was too late to stifle a snort.

"Be careful to not let your head fall off with how big it's gotten."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna find Natsuki and the others. Knowing him, he's probably getting himself in some bullshit." Cause that's exactly what an isekai protagonist would be doing right about now, I reckon, "And Karsten?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks." For what, I left unsaid.

"Anytime, Hachiman."

…

Finding Natsuki was a simple enough affair.

He was leaning against a wooden post, staring out at the encroaching darkness of the forest. His usual confident demeanor was replaced with something more fragile, something weighed down. I could sense it even from a distance. He hadn't noticed me yet, so I stood there for a moment, watching.

Strangely, he was alone. I would have expected Emilia, or at least one of the maids to be with him.

I wasn't sure what compelled me to talk to him. Maybe it was Karsten's words, maybe it was the guilt I didn't feel but knew I should. Whatever it was, my feet carried me forward before my mind could stop them.

"Natsuki." I called out.

He turned to me, eyes wide with surprise before his expression settled into something more familiar, guarded even.

"Hikigaya," he replied. "What's up?"

I shrugged, leaning against the post next to him. "Just thought I'd check in on you. You looked like you were about to do something dumb, like blame yourself for everything."

"Grk." And again, that weird noise you'd only normally see in light novels, or read in subtitles on certain anime.

"Look brat, I'm going to tell you right now, it ain't your fault." I was firm in that, "Far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't be blaming yourself for anything."

"I mean, I get it. It's the Whale's fog that did all this, but still. If I hadn't told you-"

"Are you fucking stupid? No, don't answer that. Whatever answer you tell me will just piss me off." I rubbed the bridge of my nose as I interrupted Natsuki's self-deprecation. Hiratsuka-sensei, Yukinoshita, was I this bad? If so, I owe you two more apologies than I thought.

"Brat, you just forced me into an existential crisis after confirming that a significant portion of my memories are the result of me committing murder in a timeline that no longer exists. That's a me issue. Not yours. If anything, it's a damn relief to know that at least one person will always know what's going on like that.

"So, stop moping about, will you? You ain't got nothing to feel guilt about."

There. A heartfelt reprimand from a supporting character like myself should keep things in order. At least, until the inevitable breakdown that everyone would eventually feel. This is more of a slight pressure release than anything.

We just needed Natsuki in top condition, with his clairvoyance and all that. As manipulative as it sounds, if I needed to play the part of moral support now and again, I'd do it. Even if I felt that it shouldn't be me that did this. Hell, this felt like too much importance being thrown at me!

Wait. Fuck! Did me telling Natsuki that set up a death flag?! It's a common trope, isn't it? When a random character that gives sound advice to the protagonist dies, so that the last words they had told would come in a flashback sequence down the line?!

Before I could take back my words, the sounds of shouts and bells were heard. The signal for all of us. Cultists.

But fuck off will you! Can't you see I'm trying to reverse my death flag over here?!

…

A/N: If you like what I do and want to support me, check out my P-atreon at P-atreon•com(slash)Almistyor.

And a special thanks to: FireRogueWolf25, brutalcrab and Tassimo.