The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, Star Wars: The Last Jedi is out in theaters now. So, is anyone going to see the movie? It's it going to be the best Star Wars film ever? I might go see the movie on Christmas Day. Besides, my mom and I went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens on Christmas Day back in 2015. And if those of you are wondering if I'm going to update Juliet's World, don't worry I'll start updating it and some of my Riverdale stories and Her Protector II for Pretty Little Liars. I'll have to work on my stories one at a time. Anyway, it's time for Mayhem's Top 11, make it Top 12 Christmas Movies and TV Shows. Get ready to spread some Christmas cheer. Enjoy.
P.S.: I own nothing involved in this story. All opinions on this countdown are mine. If there's any Christmas specials and shows that aren't mentioned in this countdown, I will bring up some honorable mentions at the end.
Episode Four: The Top 12 Christmas Movies and TV Shows
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I am Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic who rips movies a new….CHRISTMAS!" Sean jumped out of his seat and yelled out in joy and starts playing Johnny Mathis' rendition of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year and starts moving around the house and fixing Christmas cookies and putting on his "Santa Claws" Christmas sweater, then heads back into his office and sits down at his desk. "I'm in a cheery mood. Christmas is a good six days away, and I figure the best way to get into the Christmas spirit is by bringing you some of the greatest Christmas movies and television shows."
(Clips from classic Christmas movies and specials start playing)
"That's another reason why I love Christmas is when I watch some of the Christmas specials, movies and television episodes. That's the best part of the season. And I still stand by the list, if there's any Christmas episodes or movies that I've missed, please don't come after me and kill me. Here are some of the runners up and there will be honorable mentions. So here it is, the Top 12 Christmas Movie and TV Shows. Why top 12? Well, I'll tell you, in song." Sean said as he pulls out his harmonica, then starts singing. "On the first day of…."
(Sean gets interrupted by the Brian Setzer Orchestra's rendition of Jingle Bells)
"Pricks." Sean rolled his eyes before starting the coundown
Number 12: Frosty's Winter Wonderland
"Let's face it, as much as I like the original Frosty the Snowman when I was a kid, it's one that I definitely enjoyed. I like the idea of Frosty having a snow-wife. It has a terrific cast. You have Andy Griffith as the narrator and boy did they get his likeness in the animation. You have Jackie Vernon as Frosty the Snowman, Paul Frees as Jack Frost and Shelley Winters as Crystal. Now, some of you were wondering if I was going to talk about the 1992 Christmas special Frosty Returns, don't get me started on that special because it had nothing to do with the original. Now, there was crossover Christmas special with Rudolph and Frosty called Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July. We'll get to that one another time. But anyway, a great Christmas special to watch. Frosty's Winter Wonderland. May all your winters be wonderful…." Sean said.
Frosty and Crystal (Voiced by the late Jackie Vernon and the late Shelley Winters): And frosty, too!
Number 11: Seinfeld
"Seinfeld had some good Christmas episodes but I was having trouble trying to pick which Christmas episode that I like more and it was the sixth season episode The Race. The Race was a pretty good one in season six. It involved a high-school classmate challenging Jerry to a race and the guy suspects Jerry of cheating. Plus, Jerry is stunned to be dating a woman named Lois since he's a huge Superman fan. I wish I was stunned to be dating a woman named Selina since I'm a huge Batman fan. The episode had a lot of funny bits, including Kramer and Mickey working at a department store, Elaine getting blacklisted from Hop Sing's the Chinese restaurant. Then there's George's secretary Ada who suspects him of being a communist after she overhears a conversation from his personal ad girl from The Daily Worker. Plus, you gotta love Larry David as the voice of George Steinbrenner.
George Steinbrenner (Voiced by Larry David): George, the wordaround the office is that you're a Communist.
George (Played by Jason Alexander): C-Communist? I am a Yankee, sir, first and foremost.
"Then there was the scene in Monk's which is considered to be one of the great scenes in TV history. Where Jerry and George come up with a scheme to cover up Jerry's head start in his high school race and he pretends that he hasn't seen Jerry in years and lies about his accomplishments in his life."
Lois (Played by Renee Props): What do you do?
George: I'm an architect.
Lois: Have you designed any buildings in New York?
George: Have you seen the new addition to the Gugggenheim?
Lois: You did that?
George: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.
"I won't spoil who wins the race at the end, you'll have to see it to find out who wins. A very hilarious Christmas episode for the show about nothing." Sean said.
Kramer (Played by Michael Richards): On Prancer on Dasher, on Donna.
Mickey (Played by Danny Woodburn): Not Donna, it's Donner.
Kramer: Donna!
Mickey: Yeah, right! On Prancer, on Dancer, on Donna, on Ethyl, on Harriet.
Number 10: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
"This is one of the most funniest movies to watch on DVD during the holiday season. Or on TV when you watch it on Freeform. Every. Single. Freaking. Day. I mean, it's an instant classic to watch. This movie combines the annoyances and charm of staying home for the holidays. It deals with Clark trying to throw the perfect good old-fashioned family Christmas like dealing with his parents and in-laws and Cousin Eddie." Sean said.
Cousin Eddie (Played by Randy Quaid): Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
"But then that good old-fashioned family Christmas turns into a disaster when a turkey that Cousin Catherine cooked explodes on the dining room table while Clark was trying to carve it, Aunt Bethany's cat gets electrocuted while chewing on wires, Uncle Lewis torching the Christmas tree and Clark freaking out. And to top it all off was a S.W.A.T. team taking siege and invading the house. And it all goes wrong for the neighbors, one of them played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. My favorite moment from the movie would have to be Clark's rant after finding out that his boss didn't give him his Christmas bonus." Sean said.
Clark (Played by Chevy Chase): I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
"With John Hughes' hilarious writing and an all-star cast, yule crack up from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Sean said.
Clark: (As company execs walk by) Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Number 9: The Star Wars Christmas Spec….Wait just a goddamn minute!
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I am not going to talk about that abomination of a Christmas movie. Get to the real number 9." Sean said.
Number 9: Gremlins
(Clips from the movie starts playing)
"Okay, I know that some of you haven't considered Gremlins a Christmas movie, I mean come on. People watch this movie during the holiday season. I mean, who wouldn't want to see a bunch of crazy creatures wreaking havoc in the peaceful little town of Kingston Falls. From what I remember from watching this movie when I was young was the adorable little Mogwai Gizmo, Billy's mom killing some gremlins in the kitchen, the dog Barney wrapped in Christmas lights, the gremlins in the movie theater watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and there was this really fucked-up speech from Kate about Santa Claus.
Kate (Played by Phoebe Cates): I was nine years old… I went up to try and light up the fire, and that's when I noticed a smell, and me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird, and instead they pulled out my father.
Sean spits out his soda and looks at the camera in shock after hearing Kate's speech about Santa Claus. "Jesus, movie! A bit dark for a kid's film, don't you think? I mean after watching this scene when I was little, it shocked me and it still does till this day. This is maddening. Merry Christmas from Steven Spielberg, Chris Columbus and Joe Dante. Fa la la la la. La la la la."
(Stripe starts laughing)
Number 8: Batman The Animated Series: Christmas With The Joker
(Clips from the episode start playing)
"You didn't think that I wasn't going to talk about this episode, didn't you? I mean, it's a classic. Let's talk about the iconic villain, The Joker. He broadcasts a pirate Christmas special on television and Batman and Robin race against time to stop The Joker and save Commissioner Gordon, Detective Bullock and Summer Gleason. What's not to like about the episode?" Sean asked as a clip from the episode starts playing.
(The Joker sings The Batmobile Song while making his escape)
"Okay, well, there's that." Sean said.
Robin (Voiced by Loren Lester): They don't call you Batman for nothing.
"Robin, shut up." Sean said. "There was also a bit about the movie It's a Wonderful Life and Batman says this."
Batman (Voiced by Kevin Conroy): You know, I've never seen that. I could never get past the title.
"You should try watching the movie, Batsy." Sean said. "It's hilarious with a bit of that Christmas charm and with some memorable lines, Christmas With The Joker will sure to put a smile on your face."
The Joker (Played by Mark Hamill): (Singing Deck the Halls) Merry Christmas.
Number 7: Elf
"Now, this is a movie I really enjoy. I consider this a good movie to watch but it's a little too corny to watch but I do like the premise though. You gotta love Will Ferrell as Buddy. Love his energy and he's pretty hilarious and how can you not like him?
Buddy (Played by Will Ferrell): You sit on a throne of lies. You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.
"And he gets delightfully annoying at times. But that's what makes the film funny. This was Will Ferrell's first starring role after leaving SNL. Let's hope he does more Christmas films. Maybe The Nutcracker." Sean said, looking over to the side to see a poster of The Nutcracker with Will Ferrell's head superimposed over the nutcracker's head. "Uh, it'll be a cold day in Hell if they did that. But hey, what can you expect when this movie is loved by millions and watched during the season. You'll have a jolly good time with Elf.
Buddy: (After getting hit by a snowball) SON of a NUTcracker!
Number 6: The Year Without a Santa Claus
"Based on the 1956 book by Phyllia McGinley, this classic Rankin/Bass tale tells the story of a saddened Santa Claus considers skipping Christmas Eve for one year. And it's up to Mrs. Claus and his Elves to change his mind. I admit, Rankin/Bass has put out some great Christmas specials over the years." Sean said as a poster Jack Frost, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July, Pinocchio's Christmas, The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold pop up. "Ugh. But still, this one has got to be one of the greatest Christmas specials I've ever seen. What's cool about this is that they got Mickey Rooney to voice as Santa Claus and he does a great job as always and they got Shirley Booth to voice as Mrs. Claus as well. Then, you got the late Dick Shawn and the late George S. Irving as the Miser Brothers, Snow Miser and Heat Miser. Plus, the Snow Miser and Heat Miser songs are catchy as hell."
(A clip from Batman & Robin plays with Mr. Freeze making his men sing the Snow Miser song)
"Why? Why did you have to play that clip?" Sean asked in disgust. "Now, there was a live-action remake back in 2006 starring John Goodman as Santa Claus, Delta Burke as Mrs. Claus, Michael McKean as Snow Miser, Harvey Fierstein as Heat Miser, Ethan Suplee from Boy Meets World and Eddie Griffin as Jingle and Jangle Bells and Chris Kattan as Sparky. It's different from the original and it included two subplots that do not appear in the original but that one sucked. Then there was the sequel called A Miser Brothers' Christmas, which brought back Mickey Rooney and George S. Irving as Santa Claus and Heat Miser. The Year Without a Santa Claus will always be the greatest animated classic ever." Sean said as a clip from Snow Miser's song starts playing.
Snow Miser (Voiced by the late Dick Shawn): Too much.
Number 5: Animaniacs
"Okay, this is one that used to own on VHS until I bought the Volume 2 set on of Animaniacs on DVD. Now, there's two Christmas episodes that I want to talk about and basically I like all of them in the Christmas episode. The first one was A Christmas Plotz where they do their version of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol with Mr. Plotz in the role of Ebenezer Scrooge. Just when you thought A Christmas Carol parodies were played out, this one has to be the best ones ever. Then for the second Christmas episode, there was a bit on Good Idea, Bad Idea that I liked." Sean said, before playing a clip of Good Idea, Bad Idea.
Announcer (Voiced by Tom Bodett): Good Idea: Singing Christmas carols to your neighbors.
(The Skullhead carolers are singing to their neighbors)
Announcer: Bad Idea: Singing Christmas carols to your neighbors on the Fourth of July.
(The Skullhead carolers are singing to their neighbors. The neighbors head back inside as one of the fireworks land right by the carolers and explodes)
"But the one segment that I truly remember when I was young and I use to watch that segment with my mom and it was Twas the Day Before Christmas. And every time she puts it on, she tends to memorize the whole thing. And I don't blame her because I still watch it to this day and I am memorizing every line from that episode and the Yakko's Universe song and I reference a certain line from the song." Sean said.
Yakko (Voiced by Rob Paulsen): (Singing) It's a great big universe and we're all really puny. We're just tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney. It's big and black and inky. And we are small and dinky. It's a big universe and we're not.
"It's an episode that I enjoy watching every year so go ahead and check it out." Sean said.
Yakko, Wakko (Voiced by Jess Harnell) & Dot (Voiced by Tress MacNeille): Merry Christmas!
Number 4: Girl Meets World
"I know a lot of you didn't expect me to talk about Girl Meets World and I'm a big fan of the show and we're still reeling from the idiots at Disney Channel cancelling the show. Hell, I have a lot of good ideas if the show was renewed for a fourth season. Sorry if I'm going off topic. There are two Christmas episodes. There's one in season one called Girl Meets Home for the Holidays and the other was in season three called Girl Meets a Christmas Maya. There was a tie between the two and the one I like more was Girl Meets Home for the Holidays. This was the Boy Meets World reunion that everyone was waiting for. We got the return of Cory's parents Alan and Amy played once again by William Russ and Betsy Randle, Joshua Matthews now played by Uriah Shelton and if you guys want me to talk about Joshaya in this one, it'll be another time when I review Girl Meets Ski Lodge and tackle the dreaded Rucaya story arc for another time. But most importantly, we have the return of the one and only Shawn Hunter!" Sean cheered, playing a clip from the episode.
Shawn (Played by Rider Strong): Gee, Cor, I thought you'd be more excited to see me.
(Cory turns and sees Shawn)
Cory (Played by Ben Savage): (Gasps) Yay!
(Cory hugs Shawn)
Cory: I told you he was real!
(Auggie gets out from between Shawn and Cory)
Auggie (Played by August Maturo): I'm okay, I'm alive.
Maya (Played by Sabrina Carpenter): So, that's us, huh?
Riley (Played by Rowan Blanchard): So I've been told.
"This episode had a Boy Meets World vibe to it. Plus, it had some funny bits in it with Alan and the speaker box bit. And there was the one bit with Riley and Maya and Cory and Shawn as well."
Maya: So that's your dad's me?
Riley: Uh-huh.
Maya: We're them?
Riley: Uh-huh.
Maya: I don't see it.
(With Shawn and Cory sitting by the bay window)
Shawn: So that's Riley's me?
Cory: Uh-huh.
Shawn: They're us?
Cory: Uh-huh.
Shawn: I don't see it.
"A hilarious episode with some well-done heartwarming moments jam-packed with callbacks and classic humor a la Boy Meets World. Girl Meets Home for the Holidays will be enjoyed by GMW fans and newcomers alike." Sean said.
(A photo of Riley, Maya, Shawn, Cory, Auggie and Topanga sitting at Svorsky's Bakery with the words "Happy Holidays from Girl Meets World" on it.)
Number 3: Jingle All the Way
"Okay, so you probably saw the Nostalgia Critic's review when he ripped that movie to shreds." Sean said as a clip from the Nostalgia Critic's review of Jingle All the Way starts playing.
(A clip from the Nostalgia Critic's Jingle All the Way review plays)
Nostalgia Critic: Well, maybe one thing. "JINGLE ALL THE WAY" CAN JINGLE ALL THE WAY TO HELL! This is the worst Christmas gift since Donald Trump's toupee!
"I know that the film had some negative responses from some critics, I felt that it was a pretty good movie to watch during the holiday season. Plus, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger. This movie shows the dark side of the holiday season, shopping for the gift that you're trying to get for your son. Back in the 80s and 90s people go Christmas shopping for Cabbage Patch Kids and Power Rangers, which leads to occasional violence and intense shopping. Hell, TruTV's World's Dumbest Shoppers talked about holiday shopping and people going crazy and this movie shows it and also the beginning of the movie Krampus. But the bad thing about Jingle All the Way was the commercialism of Christmas so that's one thing that I can agree on with the critic. But hey, I have a ball every time I watch it just to hear Arnold say "Put that cookie down!". Jingle All the Way."
(A clip from Jingle All the Way plays)
Howard (Played by Arnold Schwarzenegger): It's Turbo Tiiiiiiiiime! (He flies off with the jetpack)
Number 2: Home Improvement
(Footage from Home Improvement starts playing)
"Yeah, one of the most hilarious shows on ABC had the best Christmas episodes during it's 8-year run. They've had some great ones but it's hard to choose which Christmas episode of Home Improvement. Every time when they do a Christmas episode, Tim is always competing in the Christmas decoration contest against his rival neighbor Doc Johnson. There was an episode in season eight where it involves Randy coming home for Christmas and finds out that things changed since he's left for Costa Rica. And aside from that, Tim goes up against Al and Trudy in the Christmas decoration contest. If I can choose which one to pick, it would have to be from season four called 'Twas the Night Before Chaos where Tim's brother Marty and his wife and kids come to visit along with Jill's parents come to visit and she learns that her parents are having marital problems. Aside from that one of the funniest moments from the episode was when Tim and his brother Marty were trying to decorate Tim's house but they end up fighting. These episodes are just the perfect way to give your Christmas "More Power"." Sean said.
(A clip from Yule Better Watch Out Plays)
(Tim, played by Tim Allen, grunts Jingle Bells with the audience of Tool Time)
Tim: That's the spirit.
"Before I reveal which one made Number One on the list, here are a few runners-up." Sean said.
Runners-Up
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Red
Night Court (Season 9: Santa on the Lam)
Batman: The Animated Series (Holiday Knights)
Billy & Mandy Save Christmas
Ed Edd 'n' Eddy: Jingle Jingle Jangle
Best Friends Whenever: (Season 2: The Christmas Curse)
A Charlie Brown Christmas
A Christmas Story
Batman Returns
Lethal Weapon
Number 1: Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life
(Clips from the film starts playing)
"What's there to say about Frank Capra's classic movie? It's a Christmas classic for everyone to watch during the Christmas season. When I first watched this movie when I was young, I was totally hooked. It tells the tale of a man who has given up his dreams in order to help others until his guardian angel comes in to help him by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed." Sean said.
Clarence (Played by the late Henry Travers): You're nobody. You have no identity.
George Bailey (Played by the late James Stewart): What do you mean no identity? My name is George Bailey!
Clarence: There is no George Bailey.
(George searches his pockets for identification, finds none)
Clarence: You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no 4F card, no insurance policy.
"It wasn't a hit when it first came out in 1946, but, when it started airing on TV in the 70's, it became the cult classic it is. This film make us realize what a good and wonderful life we truly do have." Sean said.
(A clip from Christmas With The Joker starts playing)
Batman: I could never get past the title.
"Shut up, Batman!" Sean yelled and points at the camera. "Over the years, there were countless parodies of the film. Many shows have poked fun at the film: Night Court, Married…With Children, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Simpsons, That 70s Show, the series finale of Dallas back in 1991, Friends, Supernatural, One Tree Hill and Family Guy. Also, the Tiny Toon Adventures Christmas special which was the series finale called It's a Wonderful Tiny Toons Christmas Special. Check the film out, it's a movie that everyone would want to watch. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings. It's a Wonderful Life will always be a wonderful movie." Sean said.
George Bailey: (Looks heavenward) Attaboy, Clarence.
"Well, that is all for the Top 12 Christmas Specials and TV Shows. Happy holidays to you all. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time." Sean said as he gets up from his desk and walks out of the office while Johnny Mathis' rendition of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year starts playing, but stops playing as Sean runs back inside the office sits back down in his chair.
"DIE HAAAAAAAAD!" Sean yelled out as a clip from the trailer starts playing.
(A clip from the Die Hard trailer plays)
Hans (Played by the late Alan Rickman): Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
John (Played by Bruce Willis): Yippee-ki-yay, mother…
(Cuts to an explosion)
"It's a Christmas movie!" Sean points at the camera.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Merry Christmas!
And that's all for The Mayhem Critic's Top 12 Christmas Movies and TV Shows. If there's anything on the list that I haven't talked about, I'll mention it for the Christmas in July one in July. I hope that you liked it. Next time, it's Die Hard! Is it considered the best Christmas movie ever? We'll find out next time. Don't forget to review this story, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I hope you all have plans for Christmas, if you're going out of town, have a safe and pleasant trip and a happy holidays. Till next time, my fellow readers.