The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic and Lethal Weapon Month still continues. So, I was thinking that maybe after I finish Lethal Weapon Month, I might review Disney's Zombies. Originally, I was gonna review Richie Rich after this but I ended up deleting the recording on the DVR, so I'll have to do the review another time for Richie Rich when I order the DVD from Amazon. But yeah. I might also review Stranger Things as well after I watch it and Riverdale season 1. I got a request to review Stranger Things for The Mayhem Critic. Anyway, it's update time. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic takes a look at Lethal Weapon 2. Is it considered the best out of the series? We'll find out today in The Mayhem Critic's review of Lethal Weapon 2. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
P.S.: As before, I do not own anything involved in this story and all material belongs to their respective sources.
Lethal Weapon Month Part 2: Lethal Weapon 2
"Hello, I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic. The critic that's rips movies a new one." Sean says with a big smile on his face. "You're probably why I smiling right now. It's because we're still in the middle of…. LETHAL WEAPON MONTH!"
The intro to Lethal Weapon Month starts playing with the Lethal Weapon trailer music playing in the background is shown briefly.
"Okay, let's talk about the original Lethal Weapon. It kicks ass." Sean said as clips from Lethal Weapon start playing. "It was considered one of the best buddy cop action movies ever. It was No. 1 at the box office for three weeks before a certain Bruce Willis movie called Blind Date opened at No. 1 at the box office. It was also nominated for an Academy Award for Best Sound Mixing for Les Fresholtz, Dick Alexander, Vern Poore and Bill Nelson, but lost to Bernardo Bertolucci's The Last Emperor for Bill Rowe and Ivan Sharrock. The movie was a dark, gritty crime drama with a bit of humor in it and a lot of great character interaction. So, what do you when your movie makes a shit ton of money? Make a sequel of course!" Sean said as the title screen for Lethal Weapon 2 plays, followed by a montage of clips from the movie.
"Lethal Weapon 2 hit theaters on July 7th, 1989. Boy, a great year for movies. And just about everyone who was involved in the original returned. Michael Kamen, Eric Clapton and David Sanborn came back to compose the music for the film, Richard Donner came back to direct and produce the film, Joel Silver came back to produce the film, Shane Black also came back to write the screenplay for the film, along with his friend the late Warren Murphy, who worked on The Destroyer series with Richard Sapir. And the late Jeffrey Boam who worked on the screenplay for David Cronenberg's film adaptation of Stephen King's The Dead Zone, Innerspace, The Lost Boys, Funny Farm and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which was released two months earlier in the same year. And of course, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover returned too. The sequel was originally called Play Dirty, the first draft was written by Shane Black & Warren Murphy. Many people liked the first draft but producer Joel Silver and director Richard Donner didn't like it because it was too dark and bloody. We'll get to why later. And since the original was dark and gritty, the second one focused more on comedy. But now, back to Lethal Weapon 2 and today we're gonna find out if Lethal Weapon 2 is considered to be the best in the series. Let's dive right into….. LETHAL WEAPON 2!"
(The film opens with the main title only credit)
Sean: (Narrating) Our film opens with the late Michael Kamen's homage to the Looney Tunes theme and we get our awesome main title only credit. And then we cut to…
(Riggs starts whooping and hollering in Murtaugh's wife's station wagon)
Sean shrieks a bit after they show Riggs whooping in excitement during a high-speed chase through Los Angeles.
Martin Riggs (Played by Mel Gibson): (Yells in excitement) God! I love this job!
(A clip from American Housewife plays)
Katie Otto (Played by Katy Mixon): Hey! Calm…down!
Sean: (Narrating) Whoa! They literally jump right into the action. We see that Sgt. Martin Riggs and Sgt. Roger Murtaugh, once again played by Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are in a high-speed car chase in Murtaugh's wife's new station wagon. And what a great start for the film. The two are chasing a group of unidentified suspects along with other police officers. And we see that the unidentified suspects are foreign.
"How do I know they're foreign? Just watch." Sean said.
(One of the suspects start speaking in a foreign language)
Computer Operator #1 (Played by Jeanne McGuire): (After overhearing the suspect's conversation) What the hell is that?
Tom Wyler (Played by Juney Smith): What fuckin' language is that, huh? I've never heard of that shit before.
Eddie Estaban (Played by Nestor Serrano): Maybe it was German.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh (Played by Danny Glover): Is it Japanese?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: It's a Japanese radio. Maybe they bought the L.A.P.D. as well.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: They own everything else.
"Oh sure, make fun of the country that gives us weird cartoons and great technology." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But then one of the criminals armed with a shotgun shoot at Riggs and Murtaugh, taking out the windshield of Trish's new station wagon in the process and Murtaugh starts bitching about it. And then one of the policemen enter the pursuit, but then crashes his car and gets killed in the process.
(The cop crashes his car into a trailer and explodes)
Carnage Count: #1
"Yep, that's one for the carnage count and because of the highest kill count in this movie, I am going to keep track of the kills." Sean said as an organ plays.
Sean: (Narrating) But then the awesome car chase heats up when the two speeding vehicles Riggs and Murtaugh are chasing split up as Riggs goes after the guy in the red car on foot while the other police officers go after the other two in the blue.
(While chasing the red car, Riggs is about to drive up onto the center divider of an overpass in Trish's new car during pursuit)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: You're not going to make it!
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Yeah. I'm gonna make it.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: There's not enough room!
(Riggs runs the car up onto the divider, scraping it along a metal guard-railing as Roger shouts at him to move over)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Goddamn it, you were right, you know. There wasn't enough room.
(Murtaugh glares at his partner)
Sean: (Narrating) The chase continues when the rest of the LAPD confront the other two drug dealers and a gunfight ensues when the drug dealers shoot at the cops with machine guns and they escape in a helicopter. Boy, these guys are going all out. Riggs and Murtaugh continue to pursue the red car until the chase ends with the guy crashing his car into a police officer, causing his car to flip upside down and crash into a glass shop.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: This was a new car, Riggs.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Well, it still is.
"Dude, what are you complaining about? So what if this was your wife's new car? Just be glad that the car didn't explode on you during the chase." Sean said.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: This was a new car, Riggs.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Well, it still….
(An explosion effect is added to the scene)
Sean: (Narrating) The criminal that Riggs and Murtaugh were pursuing escapes as they try to arrest him, only to find that he's not in the car but they end up finding something else.
(Riggs kicks the trunk of the car open, only find a bunch of gold coins falling out)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Holy Christ!
Sgt. Martin Riggs: That's a lot of money.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: It's gold! Gold!
(A clip from Austin Powers in Goldmember starts playing)
Goldmember (Played by Mike Myers): I love gooooold! The look of it. The taste of it. The smell of it. The texture.
Sean: (Narrating) Turns out that these gold coins are Krugerrands that the suspects were illegally importing into the country. The next day, the news of the drug bust doesn't go well when Captain Murphy, once again played by Richard Donner's cousin Steve Kahan, is displeased of Murtaugh's actions.
Captain Ed Murphy (Played by Steve Kahan): You told me this was going to be routine drug bust. You didn't say anything about helicopters in the middle of the city, automatic weapons, Krugerrands.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Okay. This was a little bigger than we thought.
Captain Ed Murphy: (Sees Riggs trying to get out of a strait jacket) Oh, shit. Talk to you later.
"Okay, I know that this is just Mel Gibson acting but he's having way too much fun with the character." Sean chuckled a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that the rest of the police officers are betting to see if Riggs can free himself out of a strait jacket in five minutes. This just proves he's fucking crazy. And we're introduced to the other police officers on the force: Tom Wyler played by Juney Smith, Eddie Estaban played by Nestor Serrano, Jerry Collins played by Grand L. Bush, Tim Cavanaugh played by a young Dean Norris who you might recognize him as 'Big Jim' Rennie from the CBS show Under the Dome and as Hank Schrader from Breaking Bad, Meagan Shapiro played by Jenette Goldstein, who you'll definitely recognize her from Terminator 2: Judgment Day and as Private Vasquez in Aliens.
Tom Wyler: (After Riggs dislocates his shoulder while he was trying to get out of the strait jacket): Well, goddamn man. Doesn't it hurt?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Yeah, it does. But not as much as… when I put it back in.
(Puts his shoulder back in)
(A clip from Andi Mack plays)
Bex and Andi Mack (Played by Lilian Bowden and Peyton Elizabeth Lee): Ohh! Nope.
Dr. Stephanie Woods (Played by the late Mary Ellen Trainor) Why the hell do you do this to yourself, Riggs?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Well, who else could I do it to? I mean, none of them won't let me. And besides I need the money.
"What'd I tell ya? Crazy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Riggs and Murtaugh going to Murtaugh's house where they gather with Murtaugh's family, Trish, once again played by Darlene Love. Rianne, once again played by Traci Wolfe. Nick, once again played by Damon Hines. And Carrie, once again played by Ebonie Smith….
(A clip from Gilligan's Island plays)
Singers: The Professor and Mary Anne.
Sean: (Narrating) Ooookay. Oh and Rianne's new boyfriend George, he's played by Allan Dean Moore, as they gather around the television set to watch the Tales from the Crypt episode And All Through the House.
"An episode that Robert Zemeckis directed and it starred his ex-wife Mary Ellen Trainor." Sean said before cutting back to the review.
Sean: (Narrating) But not only that, it's because they're getting ready to watch Rianne's television debut in a commercial.
(Riggs, Murtaugh, his family, the carpenter and George are watching the commercial that Rianne is starring in on televison)
Announcer: When the time has come and the moment is right. Remember, use Ramses Extra condoms.
Rianne (Played by Traci Wolfe) and Actor: We do.
(Rianne and the actor kiss)
Announcer: Ramses Extra. Because caring means all the protection you can get.
(Roger turns the television off. He is speechless to see his oldest daughter in a condom commercial)
Sean snickers a bit from watching that scene. "Okay, how the fuck did she get roped into that? Did the casting director for the commercial and thought, 'Hey, looks like we found someone that could shock her father and her family.' It's like me finding out that my girlfriend is on a commercial. Oh, Christ. She better not."
Carpenter (Played by Jack McGee): She made me want to go out and buy rubbers right now.
Sean glares evily at the carpenter and points at him. "Don't tempt me, buddy."
Sean: (Narrating) We're then introduced to our main villains of the movie in a clichéd villain office sitting behind his clichéd desk eating steak and drinking beer with a dimly lit fish tank on the wall bringing some light to his office. Ladies and gentlemen, meet South African consul-general Arjen Rudd, he's played by Joss Ackland.
"Who you probably might recognize him as Marshal Zelentsov in K-19: The Widowmaker, Franklin Hale in the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie Nowhere to Run, Andrei Lysenko in The Hunt for Red October and the voice of Black Rabbit in Watership Down. And for those of you who are probably wondering how did I recognize Joss Ackland, you're talking to a guy who grew up watching movies from Walt Disney Pictures. He played Hans on The Mighty Ducks and D3: The Mighty Ducks. He wasn't even in D2: The Mighty Ducks, that was the late Jan Rubes who was on the movie. Oh, and Joss Ackland played King Arthur in that movie that the Nostalgia Critic reviewed, A Kid in King Arthur's Court." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And this is his right-hand man, a security agent named Pieter Vorstedt. He's played by Derrick O'Connor from Daredevil.
(A poster of Netflix's Daredevil pops up)
Sean: (V/O) No, not that one. The other Daredevil.
(A poster of the movie Daredevil with Ben Affleck pops up)
Sean: (V/O) Ugh. This movie sucks.
Sean: (Narrating) And we see that one of the men who escaped, named Hans, played by Mark Rolston from Aliens, about his failure for losing $1 million in Krugerrand in the hands of the LAPD.
Hans (Played by Mark Rolston): I'm sorry, Mr. Rudd. It happens.
"Okay, I have watched World's Dumbest Criminals on TruTV and I saw how dumb South Africans are. There were two crooks in South Africa who blew up an ATM with weapons-grade explosives and burnt some of the money. I wonder if they're dumb criminals in this one." Sean said.
(Vorstedt shoots Hans in the head with his suppressed Heckler & Koch P9S)
Carnage Count: #2
"Jesus! These guys are brutal! Okay, I take back what I say about South Africans, I'm scared of them now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Rudd and Vorstedt learn that the LAPD are onto their little scheme and the way to handle it is to warn them off with a threat. And who did they pick to scare off?
(Vorstedt is looking over Murtaugh's file)
Pieter Vorstedt (Played by Derrick O'Connor): Goddamn kaffir.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. For those of you who don't know what kaffir is, it's a racial term referring to black people. It's the South African term for the N-word. I'm not going to say that word because this is a family programming, we're very classy around here." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Later that night, Murtaugh wakes up in the middle of the night to get himself something to drink or go use the bathroom until South Africans in ski masks break into their home and tie up him and Trish as they give him a little warning.
Pieter Vorstedt: You tell your people to back off. Don't you go being a smart kaffir.
"Well, they're certainly doing a good job with scaring Murtaugh." Sean said. "I mean come on, they look silly wearing ski masks."
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Captain Murphy reassigns Riggs and Murtaugh to another case, they're assigned to protect a federal witness who's testifying before a commission of inquiry.
Captain Ed Murphy: This is not a shit assignment.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Why us?
Captain Ed Murphy: Because you two are the most qualified for the job. And after last night, you could use the break.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: I can handle last night.
"You can handle last night? Old man, you were basically scared out of your mind from seeing a bunch of South Africans in ski masks and they had you and your wife tied up and your mouths taped shut with duct tape and you can handle last night. I just see the word "Bitch" tattooed on your forehead."
Sgt. Martin Riggs: This stinks. This stinks. This stinks.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs and Murtaugh head down to the hotel to protect Leo Getz, he's played hilariously by Joe Pesci and Riggs and Murtaugh don't take a liking to him.
Leo Getz (Played by Joe Pesci): That's me, Leo Getz. Whatever you need, Leo gets. You get it?
Sean's friend Brian drinks his coffee and almost chokes on it after hearing Leo's bad pun. "Boo! That joke sucks."
Sean: (Narrating) This is one of the good parts of the movie, Joe Pesci as Leo Getz. He's just having a ball playing that character.
Leo Getz: You guys hungry? I'll call down and get something else. See this silk robe? Silk pajamas? Free!
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: It's not free.
Leo Getz: Yes, it is. It's free!
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: It's taxpayers' money.
Leo Getz: Oh, God! Come on, it's the same thing. Okay?
"Well, this must be the best Best Western he's ever been to." Sean said.
"Have you been to California? I don't think so." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs and Murtaugh open the door to let a room service waiter in the room but then it's revealed the waiter is a South African hit man trying to kill Leo.
"And whatever you do, Riggs. Don't try to go at the South African hit man and push him out of the window. Because you'll end up killing Leo and the hit man…" Sean said.
(Riggs jumps at the hit man to stop him from trying to kill Leo)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Martin, not the window!
(Riggs pushes the South African hit man and Leo out of the window as they fall into the pool, with Riggs falling in the pool as well)
"You fucking idiot!" Sean exclaimed and made a facepalm.
Sean: (Narrating) And then a game of Marco Polo turns deadly when Riggs fights the hit man underwater and punches him four times in the face, only to see that it was Leo that he punched and not the hit man and the hit man gets away. We then learn why the hit man tried to kill Leo, was that he laundered half a billion dollars in drug money. News of Leo getting away and being in the hands of Riggs and Murtaugh upsets Rudd while Vorstedt checks to see if he doesn't get his brain matter splattered all over the floor.
Arjen Rudd (Played by Joss Ackland): (After seeing Vorstedt looking down at the floor) What are you doing?
Pieter Vorstedt: I just checking to see if I was standing on plastic.
"Okay, that was pretty funny. Vorstedt was afraid if he messes up something like this, Rudd would put a bullet in his head." Sean said, laughing a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, back at Murtaugh's house, Leo explains to Riggs and Murtaugh how money laundering works, this of course is ILLEGAL and people GO TO JAIL for this. So, let's pay attention.
Leo Getz: (Giving a lesson on money laundering) I deposit the cash into the account of a dummy finance company. Now, then I issue you a cashier's check in his name minus a small commission for myself.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: How much.
Leo Getz: Two percent standard.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Not bad, Leo. Pretty prosperous.
Leo Getz: You give it back to me as collateral on a loan I make to you. But you don't pay back the loan. You keep the money.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: How's that work?
Leo Getz: How's what? That's it! Don't you get it? It's your money. You don't pay it back. It's yours, and it's clean! It is now laundered. This is the best part. You got it? You take a tax deduction on interest payments that you don't even make. Am I an innovator? Am I a genius?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: I think you're a swindler.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Cheat!
Leo Getz: Come on. Everybody cheats. Look at the Pentagon. Okay, okay, okay. So you got it?
(Murtaugh looks at Riggs as Riggs shrugs his shoulders and makes a quizzical look)
"The Pentagon? Really?" Brian asked before sipping his coffee.
"Yeah, sounds like something that Oliver Otto from American Housewife would do since the little bastard wants to be money-hungry." Sean said as a season two photo of Oliver Otto from American Housewife pops up next to him.
Sean: (Narrating) Leo then gives Riggs and Murtaugh the name of one of the drugs dealers and they decide to check out the house on stilts.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: We're back, we're bad! You're black, I'm mad.
Leo Getz: Listen, listen. If we're going, shouldn't I have a gun?
Riggs and Murtaugh: (Both) No!
"Yeah, if you give Joe Pesci a gun, this is what's going to happen." Sean said.
(A clip from Goodfellas plays with Tommy shooting Spider multiple times. A clip from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York plays where Harry pulls out a gun and attempts to shoot Kevin. A clip from My Cousin Vinny plays where Vinny runs out of the cabin and starts shooting at everything. And a clip from Casino plays where Nicky shoots Anna Scott in the head three times)
"How did he get roped into this?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) In a scene only to be seen in the Director's Cut version of the movie, Riggs, Murtaugh and Leo successlessly look for the house they're looking for and they discuss a little about the street. And Leo recalls the suspect's address in a very unusual, humorous way.
Leo Getz: (While working on his calculator) The last three numbers have to be either 739 or 658. Either one of those groups. The first number's gotta be a 9 because I told you that 9 was my lucky number. I was born on the ninth day… See, that's it.
Sean: (Narrating) And Riggs blindfoldedly chooses one from the address book and they arrive at the location. Riggs and Murtaugh investigate while Leo waits in the car and Riggs, being the wild card that he is, pretends to be a pool boy.
Man #1: This house is built on stilts.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Stilts? No, I'm sure there's going to be a pool here.
(Riggs hits one of the South African henchmen with a pool net and hits the other in the groin with the handle of the pool net and throws the net over the first henchman's head)
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs arrests two of the henchmen, but then gets shot at by the hit man that tried to kill Leo back at the hotel and Riggs and Murtaugh go after the man, with Riggs going on foot and Murtaugh and Leo in the car in another awesome car chase.
(Riggs is holding onto dear life on the tow truck while Murtaugh is behind him. A truck with a surfboard on top appears)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Oh, shit!
(The South African hit man hits the breaks, causing Riggs to fall off of the bumper of the tow truck)
Leo Getz: Watch out!
(Murtaugh hits the breaks on the station wagon and hits the car on the back of the tow truck, causing it to fly at Riggs as Riggs rolls out of the way. The red truck crashes into the car, sending the surfboard flying at the tow truck and into the hit man's head, instantly killing him)
Carnage Count: #3
(A clip from Brutal Legend plays)
Eddie Riggs (Voiced by Jack Black): DECAPITATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
"Hey, buddy. Surf's up, pal!" Sean said as a rim shot is heard.
"Ooh! Wipeout, dude!" Brian said as he imitates a surfer.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs and Murtaugh arrive at the stilt house to make some arrests, but it's not long until Arjen Rudd confronts them.
Arjen Rudd: You have no idea what you're doing.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Well, I wouldn't worry too much about that. We're professional police officers. We do this for a living.
Arjen Rudd: My name is Arjen Rudd. I'm minister of diplomatic affairs for the South African Consulate.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Everybody take it easy. Especially you, Riggs.
Pieter Vorstedt: Riggs? You Martin Riggs?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Yeah, of the Chicago Riggses. What's your name?
"Wait, how does Adolf know who Riggs is? What? Did this guy use to be partners with him? Did Riggs sleep with his wife or something?" Sean asked as an evil laugh is heard in the background. "The fuck was that?"
Sean: (Narrating) And then Rudd invokes diplomatic immunity…
(A clip from Family Guy plays)
Peter Griffin: (Singing) I've got diplomatic immunity, so Hammer you can't sue.
Arjen Rudd: My dear officer you could not even give me a parking ticket. (Smiles) Who is the dickhead now?
(A clip from American Housewife plays)
Katie Otto: What a total [beep]!
(Her daughter Taylor, played by Meg Donnelly, looks at her in shock)
"Wow, you think he wouldn't know that term? And does diplomatic immunity apply to all people? I hope it does so the cops wouldn't keep giving me speeding tickets." Sean said before the cutaway gag starts.
(Cutaway Gag)
(A cop pulls Sean over for speeding and walks up to his car to give him a ticket)
Taylor: Sean, whatever you do, don't do anything stupid. Please.
Sean: Relax, sweetie. It'll be alright.
Cop: Sir, may I see your license and registration?
Sean: (Yells) I have diplomatic immunity, bitch!
(Sean karate chops the cop, knocking him out and starts speeding off)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs, Murtaugh and the rest of their backup leave the premises and then we meet Riggs' love interest in the movie, a consulate secretary named Rika Van der….. Vandenberg…. Van der Woodsen… Vanderwahl…
Rika Van den Haas (Played by Patsy Kensit): Van den Haas.
Sean: (Narrating) Whatever. She's played by Patsy Kensit.
"And for those of you who don't know who Patsy Kensit is, she was the lead singer in a British pop band called Eighth Wonder." Sean said as a photo of Patsy Kensit in Eighth Wonder pops up. "And here's one of their songs."
(Eighth Wonder's I'm Not Scared music video starts playing)
"Man, Patsy Kensit was sexier back in the 80s, and now she's still smoking hot at age 49. Not bad for British woman." Sean smirked as Taylor turns to him and clears her throat in jealousy.
"You do know I'm sitting right here?" Taylor asked, crossing her arms at Sean and raised her eyebrow at him while Sean stayed quiet and looked at the camera before looking down at his desk.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that she's liberal-minded and she despises her boss Rudd and his racial philosophy. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that Arjen Rudd is racist. Don't believe me? Just watch and listen to what he has to say.
Arjen Rudd: The policies of our government are not popular here in America, as you know. The police department of this city is overrun with blacks. They have badges and guns, and they hate us.
"Jesus Christ! What is he, the South African version of David Duke?" Sean asked.
"Fucking Apartheid shit!" Brian yelled, almost throwing his wine bottle at the wall.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Riggs and Murtaugh are babysitting Leo and they order their food from a drive-through at Subway and Leo complains about getting the wrong sandwich and makes a hilarious rant about going through drive-throughs.
Leo Getz: Don't ever go up to the drive-through, okay? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Okay, okay, okay. Let me tell you. They fuck you at the drive-through, okay? They fuck you at the drive-through. They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked, okay. They know you're not gonna turn around and go back. So they don't care. Who gets fucked? Oh, Leo Getz! Sure! I don't give a fuck I'm not eating this tuna, okay!
Sgt. Martin Riggs and Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: (Both) SHUT UP!
"You know Leo makes a pretty good point. I have to agree with him. They tend to screw up your order when you go through the drive-through. You don't know how many times that this happened to me. And I tend to always walk up to the counter. I remember the last time I went through the drive-through at Wendy's." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag)
(Sean enters the dining room and sits the food down on the table and hands Taylor her food)
Sean: Okay, I got the triple classic and you got the chicken sandwich and….
Taylor: Uh, Sean?
Sean: What?
Taylor: I asked for Biggie fries, not a small fry.
Sean: (Checks the bag and sees that Taylor's gotten a small fry instead of the Biggie fries) Goddamn it! I specifically told them Biggie fries. Those idiots!
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Riggs begins to harass Rudd and the South African consulate, defying Rudd's orders to stay away from them. And he even amuses Rudd's secretary in the process. Then Riggs heads back to his trailer to find that Leo has been tidying it up a bit, then gets a phone from Collins and that she hasn't heard from him and that he didn't answer his phone. So, Riggs drives over to Murtaugh's house to check to see if his partner is alright. So he heads upstairs and what does he find?
(A clip from National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 starts playing)
(Colt kicks the door open, only to see Luger sitting on the toilet)
Jack Colt (Played by Emilio Estevez): What are you doing?
Wes Luger (Played by Samuel L. Jackson): Nothing. Taking a shit.
(Luger flushes the toilet)
Jack Colt: Sorry.
Sean: (Narrating and laughs) Sorry, I couldn't resist. Actually, Riggs finds Murtaugh sitting on the toilet and finds a little message that the South Africans left for Murtaugh that's written on toilet paper and an explosive gift.
(Riggs looks down and sees the bomb on the toilet)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Tell me I'm not fucked.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: He's fucked.
"Wow, what a really shitty way to kill someone." Sean said as a rim shot his heard and the words "Bad Joke Alert" pops up and a clip from Caddicarus' review of the video game Rascal starts playing, showing Caddicarus drinking a bottle of wine.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs calls the bomb squad so they can disarm the bomb. With everybody out of the house, Riggs stays with Murtaugh to help him hop off of the toilet, in a scene showing a heartfelt bond that the partners have developed together.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Martin?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: What?
(Roger stays silent for a moment, trying to say the words to Martin)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: I know.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: I mean it, man.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: I hear you.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: We're not gonna fucking die, all right?
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Okay.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: On "three". One… two… three!
(Riggs pulls Murtaugh off of the toilet and into the bathtub as the bomb explodes, sending the toilet flying and landing on Murtaugh's station wagon)
"Well, it's not trying to clear a clogged toilet with an M-80, which I've seen happen, by the way." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs, Murtaugh and Leo head down to the South African consulate to find out what they can find on Rudd, but since Riggs is not allowed on the premises, Leo and Murtaugh enter the building and create the most hilarious diversion ever.
Consulate Envoy (Played by Jim Piddock): Listen to your friend here. He knows what he's talking about. I don't think you really don't want to go to South Africa.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Why not?
Consulate Envoy: Because you're black.
Leo Getz: You are. He is.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Of course I'm black. That's why I want to go to South Africa. To join my oppressed brothers, to take up the struggle against the tyranny of the racist, fascist, white minority regime.
Leo Getz: Facist white regime!
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: One man, one vote.
Leo Getz: One man, one vote!
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Free South Africa, you dumb son of a bitch!
Leo Getz: You dumb son of a bitch!
"Free Mandela, you dumb sons of bitches!" Sean yelled, holding a poster of Nelson Mandela.
Sean: (Narrating) Their little diversion works as Riggs enters the building and sneaks into Rudd's office while Rog and Leo are kicked out of the building. Riggs finds some dirt of Rudd but not until the South African David Duke and the master race arrive, which gives Riggs the opportunity to go crazy.
(One of the South African hit men, played by Paul Tuerpe, gets headbutted by Riggs, while the other, played by Sherman Howard, gets kicked by Riggs. Riggs pulls his gun out and points it at the South African hit man, who's armed with an MP5K)
Henchman With Glasses Counter:
#2. South African Hit man with Glasses
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Hey! Hey! Get your fingers off. Hands off! I'm surprised you haven't heard about me. You know I got a bad reputation and sometimes I just go nuts, like now. (Chuckles)
Sean: (Narrating) And then Riggs gives Rudd a little warning.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: You fold up your tents and get the fuck out of my country, and I won't do anything to you. I'll leave you alone. 'Cause if you stick around here, I'm gonna fuck your ass.
Sean was busy drinking his can of Brisk lemon iced tea and does a spit take after hearing Riggs' line. "WHAT THE HELL? Did he just say he was going to fuck what? Did he say that he was going to fuck Rudd's ass? What the hell is with this film series' homoerotic overtones? That's like one of those scenes that can be taken out of context."
Arjen Rudd: Just get out of here kaffir lover.
Sean: (V/O) Ooh, you shouldn't had said that, bitch.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: (Getting ready to shoot) Eenie… meenie… minie… Hey, Moe!
(Riggs shoots the fish tank)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Hey, sorry Adolf.
(The South African hit men try to pick up the fish with their hands)
Arjen Rudd: Pick them up with your hands.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Big smile. Big smile. Big smile! (Leaves)
(Vorstedt just stands their silently as Riggs leaves)
"Okay, what is up with Vorstedt? What is his deal? Is he obsessed with Riggs? He knows who he is and then he watches him leave? What is he like that Uruk from Shadow of War?" Sean asked.
Sean: (V/O as Vorstedt) They told me about you but they didn't mention your beauty. No sir, they did not. You're mine now, love. For ever, and ever, and ever…
Sean: (Narrating) Later that day, Riggs bumps into Rika Van der whatsit? Van de Kamp's fish, Van Haagen Daas?
Rika Van den Haas: Van den Haas.
Sean: (Narrating) Whatever. He bumps into at the grocery story and he strikes up a romance with her and he invites her over to his trailer for dinner and then she questions him about her boss.
Rika Van den Haas: Rudd's hiding behind his diplomatic credentials, isn't he?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: What's that?
Rika Van den Haas: Rudd's hiding behind his diplomatic credentials.
(Riggs nods)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: He's not a very nice guy, your boss.
Rika Van den Haas: Then whatever he's doing, he shouldn't get away with it.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Rudd's office, Arjen finds out that Riggs took a note that was on his desk about Alba Varden and the shipment, this pisses him off and he sends Vorstedt to deal with the investigative officers.
Pieter Vorstedt: Tell me something, Wyler. Have your brains ever seen the light of day?
Tom Wyler: Who are you? What the fuck do you want? I'm a cop, you son of a bitch!
Pieter Vorstedt: No, you were a cop, Wyler.
(Vorstedt shoots Wyler in the head)
Carnage Count: #4
(We then cut to Shapiro, who's about to jump into her swimming pool, is killed by a bomb after jumping off of her diving board)
Carnage Count: #5
(We cut to a poker game at Cavanaugh's house, where Cavanaugh, Collins and two other officers are playing poker. Cavanaugh walks up to his microwave, turning it on. He turns the stereo on until a bomb explodes, instantly killing them and blowing up the house)
Carnage Count: #9
"And the body count rises." Sean said, in his Decker Shado imitation while an organ plays.
"Geez. This guy just doesn't know when to quit." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, with Murtaugh and Leo, Murtaugh heads back to his house, realizing why Alba Varden sounds so familiar, so he checks the videotape of his birthday. He then learns that Alba Varden is the name of a ship, not a woman.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: (Turns off the television and sees someone entering the house) Leo, I thought I told you to stay in the car.
(He turns around and sees a South African hit man)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Shit!
"AHHHH! SOUTH AFRICAN!" Sean screams.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Son of a bitch! What you doing in my house?!
(The South African hit man attacks Murtaugh with just kicks)
"Uh, why is this guy using kicks only on Murtaugh? Is that the South African fighting style? These guys are supposed to be lethal. Mix it up with punches and kicks. Using kicks only is like using slappers only on Goldeneye 64." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, this guy pulled out a knife to try to kill Murtaugh, and this guy made a big mistake of bringing a knife to a nail gun fight.
(Murtaugh shoots the hit man in the head with a nail gun)
Carnage Count #10
(Another hit man comes up from behind Murtaugh and tries to kill him. Murtaugh shoots the hit man multiple times with the nail gun, killing the hit man)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Nailed them both.
"Sounds like me after having a threesome." Sean chuckled. "Come on, that line deserves a Thug Life moment."
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Nailed them both.
(The words "Thug Life" pop up next to Murtaugh, and a pair of sunglasses appear on his face while the song Still D.R.E. by Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg starts playing)
Sean: (Narrating) After taking out the assassins, Murtaugh heads outside to check on Leo, but he is abducted in the process and his car was stolen as well. Looks like the South Africans have mastered Grand Theft Auto V. Back at Riggs' trailer, we see that Riggs and Rika are busy having sex. Oh, come on now. You two just met…
(The song Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson starts playing during Riggs & Rika's sex scene)
"Stop, stop, STOP IT!" Sean yelled as the song stops.
Sean: (Narrating) But their lovemaking is interrupted by helicopters and a group of assassins armed with MP5 machine guns start gunning down his trailer, while Riggs and Rika make their escape, well Rika hiding in Riggs' truck, only for Riggs to take out the assassins.
(Riggs uses the masked assassin as a bullet shield while the other shoots at Riggs, killing the assassin and Riggs shooting the other assassin)
Carnage Count: #12
(Riggs starts gunning down the other two masked assailants and another who was sitting in the helicopter)
Carnage Count: #15
Rika Van den Haas: Who were those people?
Sgt. Martin Riggs: You tell me. I don't know. Was it your husband or what? What are you doing Saturday?
"Dude, focus!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs dispatches another masked assailant….
Carnage Count: #16
Sean: (Narrating) Right. And the bad guys escape. But at least Riggs got his dog.
Rika Van den Haas: (While Riggs is taking her up to her apartment) This is the most incredible first date I've ever been on.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Wait until you see the second.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs takes Rika home and gives her a goodnight kiss, but before he goes back to his place to pick up a few things, he gets ambushed by Vorstedt. And then we get to learn why Vorstedt knows about Riggs. And you all remember in the first one that it was revealed that Riggs' wife Victoria Lynn was killed in a car accident, well…just watch.
Pieter Vorstedt: Four years ago when you was as narc down at Long Beach, you were getting too close to us so we put a contract out on you. I handled it myself. Drove your car right off the fucking road, remember? But of course you weren't driving, were you? You can't imagine the surprise. I pull back this matted mop of blood-soaked hair to see this woman's face. Your wife, right?
(Riggs stays slient)
Pieter Vorstedt: She didn't die straight away. It took a bit of time. (Takes a drink from his flask)
(Riggs looks at Vorstedt, in a pit of rage, angered by the man who killed his wife, tries to attack him, but is stopped by two of the henchmen)
Pieter Vorstedt: Don't have much luck with women, do you Riggs?
"That's right, folks. This guy Vorstedt is the one responsible for Riggs' wife's death years ago during a botched assassination attempt. I guess Shane Black saw Halloween II after seeing the scene where Laurie Strode was revealed to be Michael Myers' sister." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Vorstedt's men, throw Riggs in the water, leaving him to drown, but Riggs manages to make his escape, but then he finds Rika's dead body in the water, and now it's time for the Carnage Count to go up since Rika's dead.
Carnage Count: #17
Sean: (Narrating) And make sure you add two more bodies to the list.
(Riggs snaps one of the henchman's neck and grabs the other henchman, slamming his head into the car's windshield and hitting him repeatedly with the car door)
Carnage Count: #19
Sean: (Narrating) After killing two of Rudd's men, Riggs is out for blood and phones Murtaugh in pursuing Rudd and avenging the deaths of their fellow partners, his wife and Rika. Murtaugh forsakes his badge to aid his partner by meeting up with him at the stilt house. Back at the stilt house, Leo is being tortured and beaten by Vorstedt and his men while Riggs and Murtaugh arrive and come up with a plan.
"And you guys remember the mission from Grand Theft Auto V where you're Michael and you and Franklin are chasing the tennis instructor who slept with Amanda and Michael uses the tow truck to bring down the stilt house that was owned by Martin Madrazo? Well, I guess the creators of the game got inspired from watching this scene."
(Vorstedt sees Riggss trying to pull the house down with his truck and shoots at him. Murtaugh enters the stilt house and shoots at the MP5K-armed henchman and another as Vorstedt escapes)
Carnage Count: #21
Sean: (Narrating) Murtaugh rescues Leo and they escape the stilt house as Riggs literally brings the house down.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Riggs, you crazy mother…!
(A telephone pole falls)
(A clip from American Housewife plays)
Taylor Otto (Played by Meg Donnelly: Oh, my God! Have you gone insane?!
(A clip from Grand Theft Auto V plays)
Michael De Santa (Voiced by Ned Luke): Fuck him! And fuck his deck!
"Fuck him and fuck his racist regime!" Sean and Brian both yelled.
Sean: (Narrating) After rescuing Leo, Riggs and Murtaugh head for the Alba Varden and Murtaugh tells Riggs that it's a cargo ship and that it's heading out to South Africa and after taking out three of Rudd's men that were guarding the cargo container…..
Carnage Counter: #24
Sean: (Narrating) They enter the cargo container and what do they find….
(Riggs turns on the car's headlights, revealing hundreds of millions in drug money)
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Holy shit. Fort Knox!
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Billions! A fucking Donald Trump lotto!
"You know what's funny? The guy that he mentioned became president." Sean chuckled.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs and Murtaugh get locked in the container by Rudd's men and they break out of the box, scattering two pallets of Rudd's drug money into the harbor.
(Cutaway Gag)
Sean: (While grabbing as much money as he can) Oh, my God! I'm rich! I'm rich! It's mine! All mine! Oh, man. I'm gonna buy my girl something nice.
(Two of Rudd's henchmen starts shooting as Sean starts screaming and runs away)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Holy shit. You go first, I'm really too old for this shit.
I'm Too Old For This Shit Counter: #4
Sgt. Martin Riggs: No, you go first. I'll cover you.
(Riggs pushes Murtaugh out of the container, then jumps out next, shooting at two of Rudd's men, killing them in the process)
Carnage Count: #26
Sean: (Narrating) A firefight ensues and the carnage count goes up.
(Riggs throws away the MP5 and shoots one of the henchmen with his pistol)
Carnage Count: #27
Sgt. Martin Riggs: (While shooting at the other henchman multiple times) Shapiro, Moss, Wyler, Cavanaugh, Friesen. For all of them! For Rika!
Carnage Count: #28
(Another one of Rudd's men looks down and sees Murtaugh, Murtaugh shoots the henchman. We then cut to another henchman shooting at Riggs. Riggs shoots at the henchman, sending him falling to his death)
Carnage Count: #30
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs looks for Murtaugh but instead he has a run-in with…
(Vorstedt throws a knife in back of Riggs' leg. Riggs yells as Vorstedt runs and kicks Riggs' gun from out of his hand and uses only kicks to attack him. We then cut to Murtaugh, who is getting shot at by one of Rudd's men, pulls out his revolver and shoots at the henchman)
Carnage Count #31
(We then cut back to Vorstedt beating up Riggs with only kicks)
"Oh, come on! What is with these South Africans using kicks and not with their hands? We have one guy who was using only kicks on Murtaugh and now Vorstedt is using kicks on Riggs. But hey, Vorstedt have made a fatal mistake in fighting Riggs. And to quote Michael Loftus from TruTV's World's Dumbest Confrontations: "Never fight a crazy guy." And he'll see why." Sean said.
(Riggs punches Vorstedt in the groin and punches him repeatedly in the face)
"He should've got that tattooed on the inside of his eyeballs." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Riggs takes Vorstedt's knife from out of his leg and stabs his wife's murderer in the gut repeatedly before going for the finishing kill.
(Riggs prepares to kill Vorstedt but doesn't)
"Dude! What are you doing? Finish him! You had the knife to his throat, do to him what Polliver did to Lommy on Game of Thrones. Just help him up and stab the fucker in the throat!" Sean yelled as we cut to a mortally wounded Vorstedt getting up and pulls out his gun. "Oh, shit! He's got a gun!"
(Riggs walks over to the carrier container control)
Sean: (V/O as Riggs) Hmm, what does this button do?
(Vorstedt prepares to shoot and kill Riggs but Riggs pushes the red button, dropping the container on Vorstedt)
Sean: (V/O) It was at that moment that Vorstedt knew he fucked up.
(The container crushes and kills Vorstedt)
Carnage Count: #32
"Boy, I wish I had a bad joke to come up with but I'm flat out." Sean said as someone shoots at him after hearing his bad pun. "Jesus!"
Sean: (Narrating) With the bad guys dead and Riggs avenging his wife's death, Riggs and Murtaugh meet up and the day is saved. Nothing can possibly go…
(Riggs gets shot in the back multiple times by Rudd, who's armed with a Broomhandle Mauser pistol)
"Noooo! RIGGS!" Sean screamed out loud after seeing Riggs getting shot in the back multiple times.
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: Drop it, asshole!
Arjen Rudd: Diplomatic immunity!
"Bitch! You think you could pull that card on Murtaugh? That ain't gonna work! Murtaugh…. Uh, Sloan. Give Murtaugh the order to shoot him." Sean said.
(A clip from the movie Wanted plays)
Sloan (Played by Morgan Freeman): Shoot this motherfucker!
(Murtaugh twists his neck to make the perfect headshot, fires his revolver and shoots Rudd in the head)
Carnage Count: #33
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: It's just been revoked.
(We cut to a photo Roger Murtaugh wearing sunglasses and a gold chain around his neck, with the words "Thug Life" next to him while Ante Up by M.O.P. starts playing)
Sean: (Narrating) Murtaugh goes to check on his partner, who is close to death and tends to Riggs while the police arrive)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: You're not dead until I tell you, you got that? You got that, Riggs? You're not dead until I tell you. You got that, Riggs? You're not dead until I tell you. Now breathe with me. Breathe. Now, breathe.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: Hey, Rog. Rog, in my pocket.
(Murtaugh reaches down to get something below, almost as though digging into Riggs' pocket.
Sean: (V/O) Oh, my God, no! (Murtaugh pulls out a pack of cigarettes from out of Riggs' pocket) Oh.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: I want you to throw those things away. Those things will kill you. Really. (Riggs smiles and laughs)
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: (Laughs) You son of a bitch! I thought you were dying.
Sgt. Martin Riggs: No, man. I didn't die on your toilet, I'm not gonna die in your arms. Where are they? Are they all gone? The bad guys? Did you get them?
Sgt. Roger Murtaugh: They been de-kaffirnated.
(Both Riggs and Murtaugh start laughing)
Sean: (Narrating) And our film ends with both Riggs and Murtaugh sharing a laugh together as more LAPD personnel respond to the scene while the late George Harrison's Cheer Down starts playing.
"And that was Lethal Weapon 2. I freaking love it." Sean said as clips of the film starts playing along with the song Cheer Down. "I know that people say that the original is better than the sequel. But the sequel is way better than the original. Now, the ending was different in Shane Black's draft, in which Riggs' dies, his script was rejected, he quit the project after working for six months on it and he said the problem that he had with the second film was that it focused more on comedy. In his script, it focused more on courage and heroics. But with Riggs dying, it could've saved us from two more sequels. Note: I think every Lethal Weapon film is awesome. I love all of them. But I love what they did differently with this one. The original was dark, gritty and dramatic, this one had some dark moments in it and some light-hearted whimsical moments, it was a mix of action and comedy. Hell, Mel Gibson, Danny Glover and Richard Donner have stated that this one is their favorite film of the Lethal Weapon series. Just like the original Lethal Weapon, this one was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Sound Editing for Robert G. Henderson. All the characters returned, we have some new characters as well like Joe Pesci as the irritable Leo Getz and Joss Ackland as the sinister Arjen Rudd. I even enjoyed Derrick O'Connor as Pieter Vorstedt, that's a character that you would just love to hate. All and all, I don't find much to complain about Lethal Weapon 2. Well, if you want me to nitpick a little, it would have to be the South African accents. I mean, it's just too laughable. I know that Joss Ackland is British and Derrick O'Connor is Irish and I mean it's not the worst but there are countless examples of bad accents throughout the movie. In conclusion, I think Lethal Weapon 2 is a worthy follow-up. If you enjoy Lethal Weapon, you will definitely enjoy Lethal Weapon 2. So, that's why I'm going to give this review and this is a first because I'm taking this rating one step beyond. I'm gong to give Lethal Weapon 2, a SIX!" Sean cheered as the audience applauds. "It's awesometacular! I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, tune in next time when Lethal Weapon Month continues with Lethal Weapon 3.
(A clip from Sesame Street plays)
Mel Gibson: (Looking at the Danger sign) Hey, Danny. Look at this "Danger".
Danny Glover: (Looks at the sign) "Danger"?
Mel Gibson: Yeah.
Danny Glover: I don't see anything dangerous around here. Do you?
Mel Gibson: No, I don't see anything dangerous at all.
Danny Glover: Yeah, that's strange.
(Mel and Danny look around as they hear a loud noise. They both look up and move out of the way as a "3" lands on the "Danger" sign)
Danny Glover: That was close.
Mel Gibson: Yeah, these threes are getting worse this year.
Danny Glover: Yeah.
Mel Gibson: And bigger.
Danny Glover: And louder too.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot that Sesame Street did a parody of Lethal Weapon 3." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline – Diplomatic immunity!
And that was the Mayhem Critic's review of Lethal Weapon 2. I hope that you all enjoyed this hilarious review. Tune in next time when Sean takes on Lethal Weapon 3. Is it considered the best or the worst in the series? You decide. Although Lethal Weapon Month will continue throughout March, I might get Lethal Weapon 3 done by my 26th birthday or after my birthday and maybe the Lethal Weapon 4 review will be in March to wrap it up. Then, I'll start on the review of Disney's Zombies. Don't forget to review this, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to co-review a movie or a television show with me, feel free to PM me. It has to be a movie or a television show that I've seen, if I haven't seen it, then I'll go check it out. If you're interested, feel free to let me know. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.