The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another great chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Okay, so I was thinking about taking a look back at the series finale of Seinfeld in May since it's going to be the 20th anniversary of the show ending and it's going to be a little editorial/review to see if The Finale is considered a good finale or a bad series finale and see what went wrong with it. I might do that in May after my review of The Fly II. Speaking of The Fly II, today Sean the Mayhem Critic will be taking a look at the 1986 remake of The Fly directed by David Cronenberg and sees why people are afraid, very afraid of the movie. So here it is, the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story and all material belongs to their respective sources. The Fly 1986 is owned by 20th Century Fox and Brooksfilm.
Episode Sixteen
The Fly
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am Sean the Mayhem Critic. The critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said as he starts his introduction and his LG tablet explodes on his desk as he looks down with his eyes widened in shock. "And technology that tends to screw up! In case you didn't know. I am reviewing a movie about science gone wrong. And of course I'm talking about The Fly. The 1986 version, not the 1958 version. If you want me to talk about the short story by the late George Langelaan that was published in Playboy in 1957. Or if you want me to talk about the 2008 opera based on the 1986 film."
"Let's not say we did." Brian said.
"Got it." Sean said as s photo of Canada pops up. "Ah, Canada. The country that brought us hockey, crazy PSAs involving putting things in your mouth and workplace injuries. And also dumb partiers breaking beer bottles and showing us how wolves do it in the forest. Among other things. But let's talk about a certain Canadian director named David Cronenberg." Sean said.
(A photo of David Cronenberg pops up. Then posters and clips from his films The Brood, Scanners,The Dead Zone and Videodrome play out)
Sean: (Narrating) Ah, David Cronenberg. We all love his movies involving body horror for all of us gorehounds. His films sparked controversy because of how gory they are with films like Videodrome with it's infamous scene where Barry Convex gets shot multiple times and tumors erupt out of his body. And then there's the 1981 film Scanners with the exploding head scene and the bloody as hell Scanner duel at the climax of the film.
(A clip from the movie Videodrome plays)
(Max Renn, played by James Woods, shoots Barry Convex, played by the late Les Carlson, multiple times. Tumors form where the gunshot wounds are proceed to erupt out of Convex's body in an extremely graphic but awesome scene)
(Two clips from the movie Scanners plays. One clip shows the famous head explosion scene and the other shows the Scanner duel between Darryl Revok, played by Michael Ironside, and Cameron Vale, played by Stephen Lack)
(A clip from the Nostalgia Critic's Conquest of the Commercials plays)
Nostalgia Critic: Canada, you're sick! You're sick, Canada! What the hell's wrong with you?!
"To me, those scenes were pretty awesome and I loved them, along with The Dead Zone. But then comes the 1986 take on The Fly, one of his best films in my opinion." Sean said.
(The title card of The Fly is shown and footage from the film is also shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on August 15, 1986. Produced by Brooksfilm and distributed by 20th Century Fox. Directed by David Cronenberg and written by Cincinnati native Charles Edward Pogue and Cronenberg. The film stars Jeff "Expect Me to Make Fun of This Guy" Goldblum and Geena Davis. The film is loosely based on George Langelaan's short story. It tells the tale about a scientist and a science experiment gone wrong.
"Hell, the movie just oozes with 80s tech like walkmans and VHS camcorders. And I know you youngsters out there are wondering what VHS tapes are. And you know what? I love the 80s it's a cool year. So, let's take a look at the movie that people are afraid, very afraid of. This is David Cronenberg's The Fl…" Sean said as Dave the cameraman pans down at his Ghostbusters shirt. "No, no. The damn movie!"
Sean: (Narrating) So, our tale opens at a press event where we meet a brilliant yet eccentric scientist named Seth Brundle, played by Jeff Goldblum, who's working on a secret invention. He meets a woman named Veronica Quaife who's a science journalist, played by just girlfriend at the time Geena Davis. And he takes her back to his place if she wants to know about it.
Veronica Quaife (Played by Geena Davis): I have three other interviews to do before this party's over.
Seth Brundle (Played by Jeff Goldblum): Yeah, but they're not working on something that'll change the world as we know it.
"I am working on a hoverboard that'll beat Robert Zemeckis before Back to the Future Part II is released." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After convincing Veronica with his crazy stare, Seth and Veronica arrive at his lab, where he shows her his inventions: a set of "telepods" that allow instantaneous teleportation from one pod to another.
Veronica Quaife: So what do they do, the phone booths?
Seth Brundle: Telepods.
Sean: (Narrating) Rather than telling Veronica what they do, Seth intends to show her by doing a little demonstration. So, he requests something personal that he could use and Veronica hands him one of her stockings.
(Seth watches as Veronica removes one of her stockings)
Seth Brundle: Mm-hmm.
"While you're at it, could you remove your bra and panties as well so I can put them in the telepod?" Sean asked in his imitation of Jeff Goldblum's character.
(The stocking teleports to other pod. Veronica reads on the monitor "Teleportation Successful")
Veronica Quaife: "Teleportation"?
"Uh, yeah? What do you think a telepod does microwave your food?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) After seeing that her stocking was teleported from one pod to another, Seth tells Veronica the basic explanation on what teleportation is, she uses her Walkman recorder to tape him exclusively and asks him how he did this and how he managed to keep it a secret. His telepods managed to stay under the radar because they're cheap to make and others in question, like Bartok Industries don't know about the bigger picture.
(Beeping)
Veronica Quaife: Oh. Wait a second.
(Veronica pulls out her tape recorder and removes the tape)
Seth Brundle: What's that? What are you doing?
Veronica Quaife: Well, you want me to get the quotes right, don't you?
Seth Brundle: Quotes? No, no.
"80s journalism, folks. And I just like to point out that Seth's an idiot. He didn't know that Veronica's a journalist. You know for a genius who created something that'll change the world forever, you're not that bright." Sean said.
Veronica Quaife: Listen, Particle magazine sent me to that party to get a story. And this is the most exciting thing I've ever seen.
Seth Brundle: No, no. Absolutely not. In fact, I'm gonna ask you for that tape. Please.
Veronica Quaife: You can't do that.
Seth Brundle: Don't you dare write a story. I'd never told any of this stuff to a journalist.
"You know, it's eventually gonna come out, man." Sean said. "Why are you getting so pissed off for? You took her back to your place so you can show her your inventions to impress her just so you can boink her."
Sean: (Narrating) But Seth's pursuit of booty is put on hold when Veronica has the story of a lifetime, Pulitzer Prize-winning shit, she brings the tape to her editor Stathis Borans, played by John Getz.
Veronica Quaife: What do you think?
Stathis Borans (Played by John Getz): It's a joke.
Veronica Quaife: What?
Stathis Borans: He's conning you. It's an old nightclub routine, the two cabinets.
"Veronica, this is Particle Magazine. We only care about real science not bullshit science from some whacko inventor that'll make everybody throw their money in the pot." Sean said, imitating the character Stathis Borans.
Sean: (Narrating) But Seth manages to come down to where Veronica works and much to his surprise, Veronica has told him and he doesn't believe and he thinks he's a con man. Seth is relieved by the news and he says the magic word to her.
Seth Brundle: I've come here to say one magic word to you.
Veronica Quaife: Yeah?
Seth Brundle: Cheeseburger.
"Really? Just to get on someone's good graces and you say the word "cheeseburger"? How the hell does that even…" Sean said as Brian enters the room holding a bag of food from Wendy's.
"Hey, Sean. I got you the Dave's Triple with cheese." Brian said, handing Sean the burger.
"Give that magnificent bastard a Nobel Prize!" Sean said as he eats his burger from Wendy's.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth and Veronica talk at a burger joint while eating a cheeseburger and Seth tells her the reason why he didn't want the word about his telepods to get out yet is because the telepod isn't ready and it can't rely on teleporting living things, only inanimate objects.
Veronica Quaife: Well, what happens when you try to teleport living things?
Seth Brundle: Not while we're eating.
Veronica Quaife: It can't be worse than this.
"Au contraire, Ronnie. Hardees." Sean said as a dramatic sound effect is played in the background.
(A Hardees commercial from 1992 plays)
Announcer: Are you ready for some real food? Hardees.
Sean: (Narrating) In exchange for not publishing the story on him, Seth convinces Veronica to keep the invention a secret and offers her exclusive access to his lab to document his work.
Seth Brundle: Your book will end with me transporting myself 15 feet through space from one telepod to another. That's what's really missing.
Sean: (Narrating) After eating a cheeseburger with Seth, Veronica gets the deal and she heads back to her apartment only to find a certain editor in her home. And there's one teenie tiny little problem that I forgot to mention about Stathis….
(Veronica enters the bathroom, only to find Stathis taking a shower)
Veronica Quaife: What are you doing in my apartment?
Stathis Borans: Just happened to be in the neighborhood. Felt a bit scummy. Rough day.
Veronica Quaife: How did you get in?
Stathis Borans: Have a key, remember? You gave it to me.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Stathis happens to be Veronica's douchy ex-boyfriend who still has her apartment and acts like a creepy creep creep like Charlie Gardner from Girl Meets World. He also dropped by to tell Veronica that he looked deeper into Seth Brundle's profile, learning that he is a real scientist, not a nightclub act. Veronica pretends to be moving on to a different story just to get Stathis off of her back.
Stathis Borans: I have to put this issue to bed. Want me to come back later and tuck you in?
Veronica Quaife: No. Key.
Stathis Borans: I'll keep it for old time sake.
(A clip from the Girl Meets World episode Girl Meets the New Year starts playing)
Lucas Friar (Played by Peyton Meyer): He's like a creepy creep creep!
"Ronnie, get him out of the house. Call a freaking cop or better yet change the locks." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Brundle's lab, Veronica films a demonstration that Seth is about to perform and it's a big day when Seth picks out his first victim, I mean, test subject. A baboon.
"Awww, isn't he so cute! I'm gonna name him Rafiki." Sean said.
(The baboon is teleported into the other pod, with gruesome results as the door to the telepod shows the baboon turned inside out)
"Rafiki, nooooooo! Why'd you do it, Goldblum? Rafiki was just young and innocent and you took that away from him, you bastard!" Sean cries. "Not my Rafiki! OH, RAFIKI!"
"Note to self, need stronger test subject." Brian said in his Joker impression.
Sean: (Narrating) After the failure of his first experiment on living things, Seth shares his thoughts in this post-experiment interview.
Veronica Quaife: Talk to the tape. Get in the habit. The world will want to know what you're thinking.
Seth Brundle: "Fuck" is what I'm thinking.
"Fuck, I cannot believe that I'm going to be in another Jurassic Park movie, and Steven Spielberg and Colin Trevorrow are the executive producers!" Sean exclaimed in his Jeff Goldblum impersonation.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth explains that it was his fault because the telepod can't deal with the flesh and it seems to only work with inanimate objects. You damn right it's your fault, you stupid genius. And after that interview, Seth gets a crash course in flesh when him and Veronica begin a relationship and what better way to start a relationship is with good, old-fashioned, hardcore, steamy, erotic, unadulterated sex.
Veronica Quaife: I just want to eat you up. You know, that's why old ladies pinch babies' cheeks. It's the flesh. It just makes you crazy.
Sean: (Narrating) And it turns out that after getting laid by the chick from Beetlejuice inspires Seth to conduct another experiment, this time with steak.
(We cut to Seth conducting an experiment with steak, by putting the big piece of the steak that he cut in half in the telepod)
"Whatever you do, do not ruin a perfectly good cut of beef." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Actually, the steak came through the telepod looking fine. But Seth wants Veronica's opinion on doing a taste test on the different halves of the steak.
Seth Brundle: Okay. Now try this teleported half.
Veronica Quaife: Oh, are you serious? A monkey just came apart in there.
Seth Brundle: Baboon. Eat.
"Uh, I wouldn't trust eating that steak because who knows monkey diseases are on it after the baboon exploded in there." Sean said. "And boy, talking about steak is making me hungry. I need to go to Longhorn Steakhouse right now."
Sean: (Narrating) After eating the teleported half of the steak, Veronica thinks that it tastes synthetic. And this inspires Seth to program the computer to love the flesh.
(A clip from Videodrome plays)
Max Renn (Played by James Woods): Death to Videodrome! Long live the New Flesh!
"Wrong Cronenberg movie, dude." Sean rolled his eyes.
Sean: (Narrating) While Seth is working on programming the computer, Veronica heads out a bit to do some shopping and ends up bumping into her stalker ex-boyfriend. Who does he think he is Nick St. Clair from Riverdale? Stathis becomes crazy and suspects that Veronica is sleeping with Brundle.
Veronica Quaife: I'm finally onto something that is big. Huge.
Stathis Borans: Yeah? What, his cock?
"Booo! You suck! And you stole my line!" Sean yelled.
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica makes it clear to Stathis that they're finished. Uh, haven't you ever heard of restraining order? Anyway, we have another spare baboon to teleport. Let's hope that it doesn't turn inside out like the last one.
(The second baboon is teleported to the other pod, the pod door opens as the baboon runs out and jumps into Seth's arms. The baboon is revealed to be perfectly fine)
(A clip from TruTV's World's Dumbest plays)
Roger Lodge: It's a miracle!
Sean: (Narrating) After the success of the baboon teleporting to the other pod, Seth has to send the baboon out for test to make sure if it's alright. Then Seth and Ronnie celebrate this success with champagne and Chinese food. However, Veronica finds a package from her editor that was slipped under the door.
(Veronica opens the package, seeing the cover of the new issue of Particle Magazine, with Seth Brundle on the cover)
Veronica Quaife: Oh, no.
Seth Brundle: What? What's that?
"A silly drawing of you." Sean said as he breaks down laughing at the drawing of Seth Brundle.
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica leaves Seth without explaining to him this major problem about her career and his secret research and she heads down to Stathis' office to confront him about publishing the story without her consent because of his jealousy of Seth.
Veronica Quaife: Everything that has to do with transportation will become obsolete. And I am right there in the middle of it the only recorder of the event from the inside out.
Sean: (Narrating) Stathis tells Veronica to keep him informed as a friend and professional confidant and he tells her that he doesn't want her to disappear from his life. And then he asks her this.
Stathis Borans: What about sex? I'm not saying love or affection, just stress-relieving sex. You and me.
"Don't worry. It'll be our little secret. We'll be friends with benefits. Well, fuck buddies. How's that sound?" Sean asked, impersonating Stathis Borans.
Veronica Quaife: You're disgusting, as always.
"Uh, V, tell Seth about this nutcase, will ya?" Brian asked before sipping his beer.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Seth gets drunk after suspecting that Veronica is sleeping with her ex-boyfriend Stathis. With a few glasses of liquid courage, Seth decides, "Fuck it, I'm goin' in there." So, Seth strips out of his clothes and steps into the telepod to teleport himself. I hope that nothing could possibly go wrong.
(We see Seth inside the telepod, it is then shown that a housefly slipped inside the telepod with him)
"Uh, Seth. Uh, you got an uninvited guest." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth teleports himself to the other telepod along with the fly, and he looks perfectly fine.
Seth Brundle: Now, you tell me am I different somehow? Is it live, or is it Memorex?
"How the hell should the baboon know? It's a damn baboon. It doesn't know jack shit about Memorex. You should show him the commercial." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica comes returns to Seth's apartment, only to find him asleep and Seth tells Ronnie that he went through telepod, which upsets her to find out that he did. And then Seth questions Veronica if she's sleeping with Stathis and Veronica clearly states that they're not sleeping together. The two reconcile by having sex again. The next morning, Seth begins to exhibit some changes in his body like having quick reflexes like Spider-Man after catching a fly, able to do late-night gymnastics, an intense craving for sugar….
Seth Brundle: Human teleportation - - molecular decimation, breakdown and reformation—is inherently purging- it makes a man a king. From the moment I walked out, I felt like a million bucks. I think I am gonna have a cannoli after all. Waiter! I mean, w-what an accomplishment!
"And all I've done is say to the world "Let's go. Move. Catch me if you can." I stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as I could and before I even knew what I had I patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now I'm selling it, I want to sell it. Waiter! Jesus Christ!" Sean exclaimed as he pounds on his desk while imitating Jeff Goldblum.
Sean: (Narrating) And to top off these changes he has the ability to last long during sex. Try and beat that Keiran Lee.
Veronica Quaife: How can you keep going? You can't have any – have any fluid left in your body. We've been doing this for hours.
Seth Brundle: I-I'm not ready to quit yet.
"Just get me a couple of bottles of Gatorade and a can of Red Bull and I'll keep going like the Energizer bunny." Sean said while breathing heavily.
Sean: (Narrating) But round 3 of their sexcapades event has to be put on hold when Veronica begins to feel some unusual hairs on his back. And when Veronica tries to cut the hairs off, an idea pops inside Brundle's head as he suggests that Veronica should go inside the teleporter so they could be like the Dynamic Duo but Veronica refuses. But Veronica suspects that something went wrong when he went through the telepod and Seth continues to act more and more strange over time. He becomes arrogant and violent and loud too.
Seth Brundle: You're a fucking drag, you that!
"Sounds like their marriage." Sean said as a comedic rimshot is heard and an audience boos him after he references Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis' marriage to each other. "Thank you! Thank you! You've been great! Goodnight, everybody!"
"Wow, didn't know they were actually married." Brian said.
"Yeah, from 1987 to 1990." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Veronica refuses Seth's offer to be in the dynamic duo club, Seth says "Fuck it. If you can't join me, then I'll find somebody who will."
Seth Brundle: I'll bet you think you woke me up about the flesh, don't you? But you only know society's straight line about the flesh. You can't penetrate beyond society's sick, gray fear of the flesh.
"Penetration and flesh. Is he talking about sex?" Sean asked.
Seth Brundle: I'm not just talking about sex and penetration. I'm talking about penetration beyond the veil of the flesh- - a deep, penetrating dive into the plasma pool.
"The word you're looking for is, 'anyway'." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And thus, Seth's quest for booty begins.
(We see Seth walking down the street eating a candy bar with composer Howard Shore's music score playing through)
"That's another thing I like about this movie. Howard Shore's music score. As much as I love his work on The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Hobbit trilogy, Scanners, The Silence of the Lambs and Mrs. Doubtfire, this one was the best." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) On his search for booty, Brundle the Love Machine goes to a bar and comes across a buxom woman named Tawny, played by Joy Boushel. And he makes a bet with the Brawny man wannabe named Marky, played by retired Canadian professional boxer and five-time Canadian heavyweight champ and two-time world heavyweight title challenger George Chuvalo. Seth bets 100 bucks that he can take on Marky in arm wrestling and he takes Tawny home for the night.
Tawny (Played by Joy Boushel): Says who? Do I look like a hooker to you?
"Uh, dressed like that? Yeah. You look like a hooker." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth takes on Marky in arm wrestling and we see Brundle's impressive super strength.
(Seth beats Marky in arm wrestling, leaving him with a compound fracture as Mark screams in pain)
Marky (Played by George Chuvalo): (Screaming) My arm!
"Ah, you see. It's all in the wrists." Sean said as a comedic rimshot is heard.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth takes Tawny back to his place and he doesn't throw her in the telepod but he teleports himself to impress her.
Tawny: (After seeing Seth step out of the telepod after he teleports himself) Wow. Are you some sort of magician?
Seth Brundle: Yes.
Sean: (Narrating) And then he has sex with her. Boy, I guess you can impress a girl with science and then you can start fucking them. After seeing Jeff Goldblum's intense look that he makes while he's having sex with a woman, the movie had enough downtime to establish that an alcohol rub is very painful for him and then he snaps before tossing her into the telepod.
Tawny: I'm afraid.
Seth Brundle: Don't be afraid.
Veronica Quaife: No. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
"She said it! She said the tagline for the movie! Oh, and a quick side note here, does Seth even know how to lock his goddamn door?" Sean asked. "And does Tawny even know that alcohol hurts flies? Maybe she didn't get the memo."
Sean: (Narrating) After having that awkward moment of having your girlfriend show up on your one-night stand, Tawny leaves and Veronica tells Seth that he's changing.
Veronica Quaife: You look bad. You smell bad.
Seth Brundle: I've never been much of a bather.
Sean: (V/O) Ewww! Use Axe body spray! Veronica tells Seth that she got the hairs on his back examined and that the hairs were not human but in fact, very likely insect hairs and something happened when he went through and that he's si…
Seth Brundle: You're jealous!
Sean yelps after Seth yells at Veronica.
Sean: (Narrating) Seth doesn't believe Veronica and he just goes nuts.
Seth Brundle: Look at me. Does this look sick? Does this look like a sick man to you?
(Seth starts punching the wall, breaking it)
"That's my initial reaction to seeing Geena Davis in Cutthroat Island." Sean said.
"Haven't heard of that one, man." Brian said.
"I have. It was that bad." Sean said.
"Yeah, I've seen it too. Here's a quick tip from us, don't watch it." Dave said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Seth kicks Veronica out of his place, Seth heads to the bathroom and notices a few changes to his body, like his face. Hell, including his fingernails.
(Seth begins to notice that his fingernails are falling off)
"Okay, for a movie made in the 80's, I have to say that these are the best makeup effects for it's time." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Seth realizes that something went wrong during his teleportation, he checks his computer's records and discovers that the telepod computer merged him with the fly that flew inside the telepod with him at the molecular-genetic level.
"Hey, dude. Just be glad that you didn't come out of the telepod looking like this." Sean said as a photo from the 1958 version of The Fly pops up with the character Andre Delambre with the head and left arm of a fly.
Sean: (Narrating) A few weeks have passed and Seth calls Veronica up from out of the blue for her to come and see him. Veronica goes by at his place and we see that the transformation has taken it's toll on him.
Veronica Quaife: What happened?
Seth Brundle: A fly got into the… transmitter pod with me that first time when I was alone. Uh, the computer… got confused. There weren't supposed to be two separate genetic patterns and it decided to, uh, splice us together.
Sean: (Narrating) The film also establishes that Blunder, I mean, Brundle has begun vomiting digestive enzymes onto his food to dissolve it. And we also see him losing some more of his body parts.
(Seth loses his ear and Veronica gasps in horror)
Seth Brundle: My… ear. No.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears." Sean said, quoting William Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar.
"What have I done to myself in the name of science?!" Brian said making an I Love the 80s reference.
Sean: (Narrating) After her and Seth reconcile, Veronica tells Stathis about the current situation going on with Seth and he tells her not to go back to him because it might be contagious.
Veronica Quaife: If you saw him, Stathis, if you saw how scared and angry and desperate he is.
Stathis Borans: I'm sure Typhoid Mary was a very nice person too when you saw her socially.
"Seriously, referencing a comic book villain?" Brian asked.
"Uh, dude. He's talking about Mary Mallon a.k.a. Typhoid Mary. She was the first person in the United States identified as an asymptomatic carrier of the pathogen associated with typhoid fever. She worked as a cook and she infected about 51 people." Sean said.
"Oh, my bad." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Stathis tells Veronica to tape Seth so he could see what he looks like. After that, Veronica goes back to Seth's warehouse where she comes across Seth…
(Seth is walking on walls and ceilings)
Seth Brundle: Gotten pretty good at it, haven't I?
"Spider-Brundle. Spider-Brundle. Does whatever a Spider-Brundle does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't. He's a fly. Look out, he is the Spider-Brundle." Sean sings and snaps his fingers as Brian and Dave start cracking up.
Sean: (Narrating) Turns out that Seth has the ability to cling to walls and ceilings like Spider-Man and he's very enthusiastic about making a video showing a day in the life of Brundlefly. Stathis watches the video of Seth's and he becomes disgusted like he just watched 2 Girls 1 Cup. None of that is important because a startling revelation is revealed that hits too close to home.
Stathis Borans: What is it?
Veronica Quaife: I'm pregnant.
Stathis Borans: (Dismissive) Oh, no.
(Reality starts kicking in)
Stathis Borans: Oh, no.
Veronica Quaife: I'm pregnant with Seth's baby.
"She doesn't know if it happened before or after he started mutating. Maybe a bit of both." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Veronica goes to a hospital with Stathis and we see one of the doctors, played by David Cronenberg, is receiving the baby that Veronica is about to push out while giving birth and…
Veronica Quaife: (Screams) Oh! No!
(Veronica screams in horror)
"What? What is it?" Sean asked.
(Stathis and the doctor look in horror as well while Veronica continues to scream)
"Why is Veronica screaming? Can somebody tell me or show me what the…" Sean said until we see that Veronica gave birth to a giant maggot. Sean looks on at shock and sits there frozen. We then see that it's a nightmare that Veronica was having. A second Sean, who is the real one (the other was just a cutout) enters the room with a bottle of Guinness grabs the cutout and throws it out.
"I'm terribly sorry, folks. That version of me has expired. He gave his life after watching that scene and it literally killed him. In the end, Cronenberg shocked him. So please, a moment of silence, if you will." Sean said, looking down at the bottom of the screen, where the words "Myself: 1992-2018" appears while Dave plays Amazing Grace on his kazoo. The young critic then looks to the camera. "Me, on the other hand, WHAT THE HELL, MOVIE?!"
(The scene plays again)
Sean: (V/O) I get that she's terrified, but really. That's the most freakiest nightmare fuel I've ever seen in my life! It would scare the piss out of anyone who watch this movie and say "Hey, I'm not gonna get pregnant because I'm gonna give birth to a giant maggot." It's the most freakiest thing ever since that scene that I mentioned in Videodrome.
Veronica Quaife: Oh, God.
Sean: (Narrating) After that nightmarish scene that would leave you scarred for life, we see that Seth's transformation continues and we see that he's still at the computer trying his best on how to become more human and he loses some teeth in the process and while he deals with his metamorphosis, Veronica shows back up at his place to tell him about the pregnancy but he gets distracted. Seth becomes more deranged and Veronica doesn't even tell him about the pregnancy. Seth then tells Veronica to leave because he has no hope in humanity and that he'll hurt her if she stays. And let's just say that he never learns about this.
Veronica Quaife: I want it out of my body now./ I don't want it in my body!
(As Veronica and Stathis leave, we see Seth standing on the rooftop overhearing their conversation)
"Ooh, you've made him angry." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica and Stathis head out immediately to a 24-hour clinic and Stathis convinces Dr. Brent Cheevers, played by the late Les Carlson, to perform an abortion in the middle of the night. The two leave Veronica alone in a room with a giant window. I'm sure nothing bad could hap….
(Seth jumps through the window and Veronica screams)
Sean: (V/O as Seth, in his Kool-Aid Man impersonation) Oh, yeah!
Sean: (Narrating) Seth abducts Veronica before the abortion can take place, he begs her to keep the baby as it may be the last remnant of his humanity left.
Seth Brundle: Please. Have the baby.
Veronica Quaife: I can't. I can't.
Seth Brundle: (Groans) Too bad. Too bad.
"Well, it's off to Plan B then." Sean said, imitating Brundle.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Stathis breaks into Seth's lab with shotgun at the ready to confront the horrifying creature.
(Seth sneaks up on Stathis)
Stathis Borans: Jesus.
(Stathis takes aim as Seth moves the shotgun away and grabs Stathis by his wrist)
"Hey, you came in his lab with a shotgun and you tried to kill him. You know, that's gonna cost you, an arm and a leg." Sean said.
(Seth vomits on Stathis' hand, causing it to dissolve, reducing it to a bloody pulp. Next we see Seth vomiting on Stathis' ankle, causing his foot to fall off as Stathis screams)
Seth Brundle: Oh, that's disgusting.
Sean: (Narrating) But before he could kill Stathis with his chances in being in the sequel, Veronica stops Seth and then he reveals his master plan to her by using the telepods to fuse himself and Veronica together with their unborn child into one horrifying creature.
"Then if he does that, then they won't be on Earth Girls Are Easy." Sean said. "I mean, it's bad enough that Jeff Goldblum plays an alien on the movie and Geena Davis sings in the movie as well."
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica says "no" to Seth's proposition and we see more of the film's amazing makeup effects.
(Veronica accidentally rips off Seth's jaw and screams. An enormous insectoid-human creature bursts from Seth's skin)
"And we see Stage 6 the final form of the Brundlefly creature. At least he didn't turn into a giant fly. The filmmakers were trying to avoid that. The film's crew referred to this one as the "Space Fly" because this design looks more like an alien." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Brundlefly tosses Veronica into one telepod while himself enters another telepod with the timer counting down until the sequence is complete. But hey, one problem. The guy that he left alive, well he's about to fuck up his plan.
(A wounded Stathis takes aim and fires his shotgun at the wires connecting Veronica's telepod to the computer)
Sean: (Narrating) Seth tries to break out of his pod to escape and attack, but it's not long enough until the fusion process is complete, taking him and a big chunk of the telepod, turning into the most gruesome creature fused together.
(The telepod door opens as Brundlefly comes out. It is fused with the metal door and cabling of the telepod)
"Ewww! Oh, my god! That looks horrifying." Sean said.
(A clip from The Outsiders plays)
Ponyboy Curtis (Played by C. Thomas Howell): Johnny, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Sean: (Narrating) As Brundlepod crawls over, Veronica picks up the shotgun and prepares to end him. But she can't bear to kill her former lover. Hell, that's exactly what he wants her to do I mean, look at him.
(A clip from Deadpool plays)
Weasel (Played by T.J. Miller): You are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares./You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado./You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
Veronica Quaife: (Crying) No. No, I can't. No! I can't. No.
Sean: (V/O imitating Andre Delambre from the 1958 version of The Fly) Help me! Help meeee!
Veronica Quaife: (Crying) No. God!
(A clip from The Hangover plays)
Officer Franklin (Played by Rob Riggle): Finish him!
(Veronica tearfully shoots Brundlepod in the head, killing it instantly as she breaks down crying)
"And thus, ends the tragedy of Seth Brundle. And the movie does continue on after that but it's pretty much where the movie stops. There were a few endings that they threw around and they didn't settle on any one of them. There was one where Veronica was in bed with Stathis, whom she married after Seth Brundle's death, and she dreams of a beautiful human baby with butterfly wings hatching from a cocoon. A very weird ending. I'm glad that they stuck with this ending. And that was David Cronenberg's The Fly and it is one of the best films directed by Cronenberg." Sean said.
(Clips from The Fly start playing)
Sean: (Narrating) Now, I know that there's a cardinal rule about remakes and that is the original is better than the remake. But hey, there are some good remakes out there like Michael Mann's Heat, The Departed, Scarface, The Thing, Ocean's Eleven, King Kong (both the John Gullermin version and the Peter Jackson version) and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The Fly is on that list as one of the best remakes ever. This movie was the breakout role for Jeff Goldblum, who starred in such films like Death Wish, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Big Chill, Into the Night, Transylvania 6-5000 and Silverado, critics praised his performance as the ill-fated Seth Brundle. He received the Saturn Award for Best Actor. And you know, he'll continue to play scientists and intellectuals in films like Jurassic Park, Independence Day and Cats & Dogs. But hey, he did play The Grandmaster in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok. And let's talk about the effects in this movie, the makeup effects were pretty amazing for it's time. Big props to special effects/makeup artist Chris Walas, who was known for his creation of the Gremlins for the 1984 movie Gremlins and he was partially responsible for the creation of the famous head melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. And makeup effects artist Stephan Dupuis, who's known for his work on Robocop, Amityville II: The Possession, Scanners, Jason X and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Both Walas and Dupuis both won an Academy Award for Best Makeup for their work on the movie. All in all, this is one of David Cronenberg's best films ever. If you haven't seen it before, then go check it out. And The Fly gets five telepods out of five.
"That is all for my review. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and remember, stop programming computers to just do whatever the hell they want for no reason. Or this will happen to you." Sean said.
(A clip from Family Guy plays)
Stewie Griffin (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane): (After he runs out of the telepod, he is fused with his teddy bear Rupert) Ahhhh! I'm a monster!
"See you guys next time." Sean said as he gets up from out of his chair and leaves.
Mayhem Critic Tagline – Cheeseburger.
(An extra clip from The Fly plays showing a montage of Stathis Borans)
Stathis Borans: Want me to come back later and tuck you in?/Yeah? What, his cock?/You're a goddess./What about sex? I'm not saying love or affection, just stress-relieving sex. You and me./Do I have permission to claim your body when this is all over?
Veronica Quaife: You're disgusting, as always.
Stathis Borans: Wouldn't want to disappoint you.
And that was the Mayhem Critic's review of David Cronenberg's The Fly. So, what did you think of it? I hope it was pretty funny. Next time, it's going to be either a co-review of the sequel to the 1986 movie The Fly called The Fly II, a look back at the Seinfeld series finale called The Finale, the Top 11 Mothers in Movies and Television since Mother's Day is coming up in May, the Bruce Willis movie Color of Night or the DCOM movie Zombies, I'm deciding whether or not it should be a co-review or I should just review it myself. Which one do you want me to review? Don't forget to review this story, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Again, if you want to do a co-review on a movie or TV show, feel free to PM me. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.