The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. When we last left off, Sean reviewed the horrible comedy The Master of Disguise. Well, today. Sean the Mayhem Critic will be talking about one of the greatest superhero movies ever. Of course, I'm talking about Tim Burton's Batman for Batman's 80th anniversary and the movie's 30th anniversary. So, sit back, relax, grab yourself a bowl of either Batman, Joker or Harley Quinn ice cream and enjoy the new review from The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All material belong to their respective sources. Batman is owned by Warner Bros. and DC Comics.
Episode Fifty-Four
Batman
We open with everyone's favorite residential movie critic, Sean J. Archer a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic. This time, he is seen holding a Batman action figure while he's hidden off-screen.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am vengeance, I am the night, I am Batman!" Sean said in his Kevin Conroy voice before reappearing on-screen. "Let's talk about my favorite superhero movie Batman."
(Footage from Tim Burton's Batman is shown while the theme by Danny Elfman plays)
Sean: (Narrating) When this film came out in theaters on June 23, 1989. People went nuts over the film. Batman fever was everywhere. There was Batman cereal, the posters, kids went nuts over the toys. Yeah, this was before Marvel's The Avengers. The film went on to make over $400 million worldwide and over $100 million on home video. This was one of the best superhero movies that I loved. And because of the 80th anniversary of Batman, Fathom Events are re-releasing the Batman Quadrilogy in theaters next month and June marks the 30th anniversary of one of the greatest superhero movies ever. When I was a kid, I enjoyed watching Batman and it is one my favorite movies ever growing up and it still is till this day that I started watching the movie again for Batman's 80th anniversary.
"And how well did it turn out? It was awesome!" Sean exclaimed with a smile on his face. "But maybe not as awesome as I remember…."
Somebody ends up throwing a batarang at Sean, missing him but hits the wall.
"Are you out of your mind?! Sean yelled out. "Look, I'm not saying that Batman is a bad movie. It's held up extremely well."
(More clips from the film are shown while Prince's Batdance starts playing)
Sean: (Narrating) I'm just saying that we were extremely blown away from the film and how huge it was, we might have overlooked at some problems that we've ignored. I know something like Batman & Robin, and believe me I already reviewed that steaming pile of Bat-guano and trust me we'll get to Batman Forever in our time. But it's amazing to look at something that was released thirty years ago that was so popular and so groundbreaking that it paved the way for superhero movies.
"So, let's grab ourselves a bowl of Batman ice cream and put on our Batman hat, this is Tim Burton's masterpiece Batman." Sean said.
(The opening credits start)
Sean: (Narrating) So, our movie opens with Danny Elfman's amazing score played over the opening credits. And have you noticed that Jack Nicholson gets top billing over Michael Keaton and Kim Basinger?
"It's like the casting of Marlon Brando in Superman and he gets top billing over Gene Hackman and Christopher Reeve." Sean said. "Huh, I wonder how well known Michael Keaton was at that time."
(Posters for Michael Keaton films in the 80s like Night Shift, Johnny Dangerously, Touch and Go, The Squeeze, Gung Ho, Clean and Sober, Beetlejuice, Mr. Mom and The Dream Team are shown)
"Oh. Mostly for comedies and doing a serious drama in where he plays an addict." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) I just love listening to the theme music by Danny Elfman. He's one of the people Tim Burton loves working with besides Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and the late Christopher Lee. And look at that: "Songs Written and Performed by PRINCE." Yeah, I wondered what I've gotten myself into when I see that Prince is doing songs for a Batman movie. And trust me, we'll talk about the soundtrack later. Look, I like Prince but doing songs for a Batman movie? It's like Kanye West doing the soundtrack to The Dark Knight.
(A clip from The Dark Knight is shown. It's the car chase scene involving Batman and The Joker. Instead of Hans Zimmer's music score, it's replaced by the song Flashing Lights by Kanye West)
"Dude." Brian said.
"What? It could happen." Sean said.
"How about no." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) So after the magnificent opening credits, which shows us that we were flying through the bat-symbol, we open up on Gotham City, which is a lovely matte painting at this time of night. We see a tourist family trying to catch a cab in Gotham City.
"Where are these idiots from Kansas? Don't they know that it's a bitch trying to hail a cab in Gotham at this hour?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that the father, played by Garrick Hagon, decides to act like Eric from That 70's Show and take a wrong turn at Albuquerque, where they're accosted by two muggers.
Nic (Played by Christopher Fairbank): (After knocking out the father and points the gun at the mother and his son) Hey lady. Do the kid a favor, don't scream.
(Nic and his companion leave after robbing the family. The mother gives out this hilarious over the top scream, then we cut to a pencil drawing of Batman walking)
"Okay, is it just me or does that pencil drawing of Batman look hilarious?" Sean asked, chuckling for a bit. "I know it's the visual effect to show that he's in the shadows but do they have to make it look so silly? This isn't Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Burton."
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the crooks share their take of the loot until one of the muggers named Eddie, played by George Roth, fears for his life after hearing that a certain bat figure took out one of their buddies.
Eddie (Played by George Roth): (On Johnny Gobs) Five stories straight down. There wasn't no blood in the body.
Nic: No shit. It was all over the pavement.
"Now, will you take your cut of the money and shut up about a giant bat. I want to get me some Jim Bean after this." Sean said, imitating Nic.
Sean: (Narrating) As they get their cut of the money, they get accosted by the urban legend himself known as Batman, played by Michael Keaton, as he swoops in and…
(Nic points the gun and shoots at Batman multiple times and "kills" him)
"Well, shit." Sean said.
(The end credits roll)
Sean: (Narrating) Alright, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Instead, he just kicks their asses.
(Batman kicks Eddie in the chest, sending him to straight into the door. Nic tries to make a run for it but gets caught by Batman as he throws his batarang at him, tying his leg up. He pulls Nic closer and picks him up, he then holds him over the edge of the roof)
Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man!
Batman (Played by Michael Keaton): I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nic: What are you?
Batman: I'm Batman.
"Fun fact: Michael Keaton came up with that awesome line. Originally, the line was I am the night. But save that line for Kevin Conroy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to the Gotham City Democrats' Club, where Mayor Borg, played by Lee Wallace, introduces the new District Attorney named Harvey Dent, played by Lando Calrissian himself Billy Dee Williams. Dent promises to make Gotham City a better place from crime boss Carl Grissom, who owns Gotham City.
Harvey Dent (Played by Billy Dee Williams): People of Gotham. I'm a man of few words. But those words will count, and so will my actions.
"Yeah, Harvey Dent was a black guy before he turned into this." Sean pointed to his right.
(Clips from Batman Forever is shown as we see a montage of Two-Face, this time played by Tommy Lee Jones, laughing)
Sean stays silent for a bit and rolls his eyes in disgust. "We'll get to that one someday."
Sean: (Narrating) There are some people who are not happy with Dent and Commissioner Gordon's efforts in cracking down crime in Gotham, people like Grissom's second-in-command Jack Napier, played brilliantly by Jack Nicholson. We see him and a smoking hot blonde named Alicia, played by Jerry Hall, are watching Harvey Dent on television.
Jack Napier (Played by Jack Nicholson): Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else.
Alicia Hunt (Played by Jerry Hall): Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier: Don't worry about it.
"Another fun fact: originally Tim Burton wanted Brad Dourif to play as The Joker. Can you imagine Brad Dourif as The Joker?" Sean asked.
Jack Napier: (With Chucky's voice) I've got a date with a six-year-old boy.
Sean stays silent with a shocked expression on his face before speaking up. "I'm so glad that they made the right decision with Jack."
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, yeah. Here's the thing about Jack Napier, he's boinking Grissom's mistress. Damn, Jack Nicholson can be so damn cool while being so damn arrogant.
Alicia Hunt: (While Jack is checking himself out in the mirror) You look fine.
Jack Napier: (Turns to Alicia) I didn't ask.
(Jack looks down and he sees Alicia's hand on her shoulder as she moves it away)
(A clip from Back to the Future Part III is shown)
Marty McFly (Played by Michael J. Fox): He's an asshole!
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the GCPD, where we see Lieutenant Max Eckhardt, played by our good old friend William Hootkins, is on the scene of the sighting of Batman until a reporter Alexander Knox, played by Robert Wuhl, who's searching for the truth about this mysterious Batman, much to Eckhardt's dismay.
Lt. Max Eckhardt (Played by the late William Hootkins): Don't be writing this stuff in the newspaper, Knox. It will ruin your already useless reputation.
Alexander Knox (Played by Robert Wuhl): Lieutenant, every punk in this town is scared stiff. You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say…
Lt. Max Eckhardt: I say you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh. You can quote me on that. (Flicks his cigar at Knox)
"Well, the Gotham Police are really supportive." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Eckhardt walks away from the crime scene, only to meet with Jack Napier. Okay, so you have evil people setting up a meeting with a crooked cop a mere two blocks from a recent crime scene. Way to pick the meeting place, you morons. Did I mention that Lt. Eckhardt is corrupt and that he's helping Napier.
Jack Napier: Brought you a little snack, Eckhardt.
Lt. Max Eckhardt: Why don't you broadcast it?
Jack Napier: Shut up and listen. Harvey Dent has been sniffing around one of our front companies.
(We see that Napier gave Eckhardt some money, with two slices of bread sandwiched in between it)
"Wait a minute. I asked for corned beef on marble rye. This isn't what I asked for, Jack." Sean said, imitating Lt. Eckhardt.
Jack Napier: Why, Eckhardt, you ought to think about the future.
Lt. Max Eckhardt: You mean when you run the show? You ain't got no future, Jack. You're an A-1 nut boy, and Grissom knows it.
(Napier pushes Lt. Eckhardt against a wall. Eckhardt pulls out his revolver while Bob the Goon pulls out his pistol and points it at him)
Jack Napier: Better be sure.
(Eckhardt puts his gun away)
Jack Napier: See, you can make a good decision when you try.
(Jack grins at Eckhardt and chuckles before walking away)
Lt. Max Eckhardt: Where you been spending your nights?
"At home, sleeping peacefully in bed with Grissom's wife… I mean, alone in bed. In my king size bed with no one in it with me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Knox heads to work with the other journalists not taking him seriously about his story about Batman, someone takes him seriously.
(Knox sees a woman sitting at his desk, reading the newspaper)
Alexander Knox: Hello, legs.
"Helloooooooooooo, nurse!" Sean said loudly, with a naughty smirk on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) We're then introduced to photojournalist Vicki Vale, played by Kim Basinger, and the two of them start investigating the rumors of the vigilante known as Batman.
Vicki Vale (Played by Kim Basinger): My pictures, your words. Pulitzer Prize material. Just think…
Alexander Knox: Okay, you're a visionary. You're also the only one who believes me. I need something tangible. Gordon's got a file on this. I can't even get him on the phone.
"How about going to a party that he's going to that a certain billionaire playboy is throwing?" Sean asked. "I'm just saying."
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, we cut to Grissom's penthouse, where we're introduced to Carl Grissom played by the late Jack Palance, who will play another villain in Tango & Cash the same year after Batman. He's pissed off because Harvey Dent is cracking down on crime bosses because of his ties with Axis Chemicals. So in order to get rid of any connections to him with Axis Chemicals, he sends Jack…
Jack Napier: Me?
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, you. To handle the operation.
Carl Grissom (Played by the late Jack Palance): (Sees Alicia stepping out of the elevator) Hello, sweetheart. I wonder if you'd mind waiting in the next room?
"Wait a minute. She's married to him. That old geezer? She's married to him. He's like fucking 70 years old! And she's like 33. What is it with her and old guys? I mean, Jerry Hall's married to Rupert Murdoch and he's like 88. And he's the chairman of Fox. Before Disney took over." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, it's not like he knows that Jack is sleeping with his mistress and do something like double crossing him…
Carl Grissom: My friend, your luck is about to change.
(Grissom picks up the phone and calls the GCPD)
Operator: Police department.
Carl Grissom: Get me Lieutenant Eckhardt.
"Yep, he knows. Mobsters. They tend to find out. That reminds me, what happen to my cameraman Dave?" Sean asked.
"Don't worry about him. He's taking a long vacation." A mobster named Tony Pajamas said, who's seen sitting next to Sean while he's reading a newspaper. "Boy, the Cincinnati Reds got their asses kicked by the Padres."
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Wayne Manor, where we see that a fundraiser for the bicentennial is being held. Vicki and Knox are at the fundraiser where they hope to get a quote from Commissioner Gordon, played by the late Pat Hingle, that is until they meet billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne.
Alexander Knox: Who are you?
Bruce Wayne: Oh, sorry. Bruce Wayne.
Alexander Knox: Alexander Knox.
Bruce Wayne: Hi. Oh, I read your work. I like it. I like it a lot.
Alexander Knox: Oh, thanks. Can I have a grant? (Chuckles)
Vicki Vale: Vicki Vale.
Bruce Wayne: Hi. Bruce Wayne.
Vicki Vale: Are you sure?
Bruce Wayne: Yeah, this time.
"Alright, it's interesting for us to think how controversial this casting choice was at the time. Today, we all know Michael Keaton as one of the best Batmans ever. But when they cast him for the role of Batman/Bruce Wayne and people heard that he was going to be playing Batman, people petitioned for him not to play as Batman and they were banning the film and feared that it will be campy like the 1960s Adam West show. So, Warner Bros. whipped out a quick teaser trailer to prove to people that this is a dark and serious film. And while we're on the subject of casting Michael Keaton as Batman, here's a list of actors who auditioned for the role of Batman." Sean said as he pulls out a list of actors who auditioned for the role of Batman. There was Bill Murray, Dennis Quaid, Tom Selleck, Mel Gibson, who turned it down just so he could star in Lethal Weapon 2. There's also Tom Hanks, Charlie Sheen, Kurt Russell, Al Pacino, Patrick Swayze, Kevin Spacey, Nicolas Cage, Alec Baldwin, Rick Moranis, Sean Penn, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Richard Gere, Ray Liotta, John Travolta, Matthew Broderick. Yeah, I don't think Ferris Bueller would be right for the part."
Sean: (Narrating) However, the meeting is cut short when Alfred, played by the late Michael Gough, tells Bruce that Commissioner Gordon left the fundraiser due to police business, so he heads down to the Batcave and watches footage of the police officer telling Gordon that Napier is cleaning out Axis Chemicals. Speaking of Axis Chemicals, Lt. Eckhardt and the GCPD arrive at the scene to kill Napier and Napier learns that he's been double crossed. Then, a shootout occurs between the GCPD and the mob. But Grissom's plan is foiled when Commissioner Gordon arrives.
Commissioner James Gordon (Played by Pat Hingle): What the hell's going on?
Lt. Max Eckhardt: Christ. What are you trying to do, blow the collar?
Commissioner James Gordon: I'm in charge here, not Carl Grissom. (Takes the bullhorn from out of Eckhardt's hand) This is Commissioner Gordon. I want him taken alive. I repeat, any man who opens fire on Jack Napier will answer to me.
(Eckhardt walks away as Commissioner Gordon tries to return the bullhorn to him and sees that he's gone)
"Really? You didn't notice that he's doing something suspicious when he walked away from you. What kind of police commissioner are you?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) During the shootout, Batman arrives and takes out some of Napier's men.
(Two of Napier's henchmen shoot at Batman. Batman pulls out his grapple and shoot at one of the henchmen, yanking him over the railing and hooking him on while he's hanging)
Henchman: Let me down! Let me down! Let me down!
Commissioner James Gordon: Oh, my God
(A clip from Freakazoid is shown)
Military Commander: Oh, my…
(The room explodes to a flashing bright light)
(One of Napier's henchmen shoot at the police. He gets away but gets knocked out by Batman)
"Okay, that was pretty awesome." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As Jack tries to make his escape, he attempts to kill Commissioner Gordon. But Batman swoops in and saves Commissioner Gordon's life and intimidate Jack, until Gordon gets held at gunpoint forcing Batman to let Jack go. So, right before they escape, Napier has some parting words for Eckhardt.
Jack Napier: Eckhardt…
(Eckhardt turns and sees Napier)
Jack Napier: Think about the future.
(Jack shoots and kills Eckhardt. Jack gets ready to make his escape as Batman appears)
"Where the hell were you, Batman? Did you just watch Jack Napier kill that guy? I know that the cop was dirty but still, you could've saved his life." Sean said.
(Napier sees Batman and shoots at him. Batman deflects the bullet with his metal reinforced gauntlet, sending it back into Napier's face, tearing it open. Napier reels from the pain and falls over a railing as Batman tries to save him)
Sean: (V/O as Tim Burton and talks about Jack's facial wounds) Okay, can somebody tell Jack to wipe the strawberry jam from off of his face?
(Jack falls into a vat of chemicals)
Commissioner Gordon: Goddamn it, we had him. (Sees Batman) Hold it right there!
(Batman turns to his left and his right as he sees that the cops are coming to arrest him)
"Uh… I'm Batman!" Sean said in his Kevin Conroy voice.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Batman escapes and we see Napier's hand emerging from the chemicals. The next day, Bruce invites Vicki over to his mansion for a meal and they have an awkward dinner by eating some soup that Alfred has prepared for them and I have to say that I tend to laugh every time I watch this scene.
Bruce Wayne: How's the soup?
Vicki Vale: Excuse me?
(We see that sitting on opposite ends of the long dining room table)
Bruce Wayne: The soup. How is it?
Vicki Vale: It's great. Could you pass the salt?
Bruce Wayne: Sure.
(He grabs the salt and walks down to the other end of the dining room table to where Vicki is sitting and passes her the salt)
Vicki Vale: Thanks.
"Soup. Really?" Brian asked.
"Okay. Maybe the soup is just an appetizer. They haven't had the main course yet." Sean said. "And who puts salt in soup? It doesn't need any salt."
Sean: (Narrating) Bruce ends up falling in love with Vicki and she ends up spending the night with him. Meanwhile, Jack Napier resurfaces, but is left with chalk white skin, green hair and a creepy ass grin. So, he settles the score with his old boss Grissom.
Carl Grissom: Jack. Thank God you're alive. I heard you'd been…
Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A woman!
"I'm… acting!" Sean yelled, imitating The Joker.
Sean: (Narrating) Grissom pleads for his life and asks Jackie Boy if they can cut a deal. So, Jack reveals himself in one of the best Batman villain introductions ever.
The Joker: You can call me, "Joker". (Points his revolver at Grissom) And as you can see, I'm a lot happier. (Laughs)
(Joker starts gunning down Grissom, then starts shooting all over the place while laughing)
Joker: (Laughs) What a day.
"I'll have what he's having." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Wayne Manor, we see that Bruce has given Vicki his bat-boner. Don't worry, the movie's aimed for a PG-13 rating, so there's no nudity.
"If you want to see Kim Basinger naked, watch The Getaway or 9 ½ Weeks, you dirty perverts." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Vicki wakes up in bed and she sees Bruce hanging upside down like a bat in the same room!
"Why would you do this shit in front of a beautiful blonde that you just had sex with?! Jesus! You live in a goddamn mansion. Go find a different room to this shit in, you idiot!" Sean exclaimed.
Bruce Wayne: Shut up.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, The Joker takes over Grissom's crime empire and reads a newspaper article about Batman, which leads to one of the best lines ever that it has been reference in an episode of According to Jim.
Joker: Wait till they get a load of me.
"Okay, I forgot how awesome Jack Nicholson was in this movie. As much as I love Mark Hamill's Joker and Heath Ledger's Joker, Jack Nicholson was one of the best Jokers out there. I still say Mark Hamill is the best Joker ever." Sean said as the audience start booing at him. "Yeah, I said it! What?! What?! You want some of this? You wanna gets nuts?! Come on, let's get nuts!"
Eddie: No, man. That ain't what I heard.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Joker meets up with Grissom's associates and announces that running the whole show now.
Vinnie Ricorso (Played by the late John Dair): Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli (Played by Edwin Craig): Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
"I just heard the song Dick In a Box for the first time and seeing your stupid polka dot tie." Sean said, imitating Joker.
Rotelli: What if we said no?
Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands, and that'll be it.
Rotelli: Yeah?
Joker: Yeah.
(Rotelli shakes The Joker's hands and starts to get electrocuted with The Joker's joy buzzer)
Joker: Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
(Joker laughs hysterically as Rotelli catches fire)
Joker: (Singing) Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
(The Joker drops Rotelli into his seat and we see his charred corpse)
"What a hothead." Sean said as an audience boos at him from his bad joke. "Get it? He got fried and he's a hothead. Yeah, fuck you too."
Alexander Knox: What a dick.
Sean: (Narrating) The other crime bosses leave as Joker gives orders his number one guy Bob the Goon, played by Tracey Walter, to go down to the Globe and follow Knox to find out what he knows about Batman.
"Why I am I mentioning Bob the Goon right now? He's the best character in the movie." Sean said.
(We cut to a montage of Bob the Goon scenes from the movie as the Gotham City Streets music from the Sega Genesis version of Batman is played in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Man, I fucking love Bob. He's the henchman that doesn't say anything, do anything and yet he leaves an impression on us. The dude is like Boba Fett and hell, he got his own action figure. Why? Why does he have his own action figure? Because he's fucking Bob, that's why!
"Bob, you… are my number one guy." Sean said, imitating Joker.
Bob the Goon (Played by Tracey Walter): Yes, sir.
(Bob puts on his sunglasses and leaves)
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, yeah. Tracey Walter voiced the character Mophir in the cartoon Justice League and the Puppet King in Teen Titans. Back at the Globe, Knox hands Vicki a file on Bruce Wayne and he's worried about her and trying to find out about Bruce Wayne. So, she ends up following Bruce into the city. Really? Lady, I don't know how long you've been in the journalism game but it's Bruce fucking Wayne. This is like someone on CNN not knowing who Richard Branson is. The guy probably has a file this huge like Hiram Lodge. We cut to City Hall, where Bruce sees Grissom's associates talking to a bunch of reporters while he's being followed by Vicki who is being followed by Bob.
Alexander Knox: I smell fresh ink, guys. Now, you can prove all this? What am I asking? Of course you can.
Lawyer (Played by Sam Douglas): We have witnesses. Grissom's signature is perfectly legitimate.
(The Joker, who's dressed as a mime, steps up to Ricorso)
Joker: It is legitimate. I saw it. I was there. I saw it all. He reached up with his dead hand and signed it in his own blood. And he did it with this pen. (He holds up a feather quill) Hello, Vinnie. It's your uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check.
(The Joker throws the feather quill into Ricorso's throat, killing him. Then takes off his hat)
Joker: The pen is truly mightier than the sword.
"Wait, hold on. I doubt that you could kill somebody with a feather because it's a least bit aerodynamic and I seriously doubt that you could build up enough force to break the skin and penetrate deep enough just to kill the person." Sean said, then sighs. "I can't believe I'm going to do this. Play the clip."
(A clip from Batman Forever is shown)
Bruce Wayne (Played by Val Kilmer): It just raises too many questions.
Sean: (Narrating) The Joker eliminates the crime bosses as Bruce recognizes The Joker. During the shootout, Bruce gets shot in the shoulder… and it doesn't even phase him. Really?
"Come on, dude! At least scream in pain when you get shot. I guess it doesn't hurt because he's Batman. He's been shot at many times." Sean said.
(Clips from Batman, Batman Returns, Batman The Animated Series, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Batman Forever and Superman: The Animated Series are shown, showing a montage of people shooting at Batman)
Sean: (Narrating) Bruce returns to Wayne Manor and tells Alfred that he just found out that Jack Napier is still alive and he's running Grissom's men, so he needs some information that the police have on him and Bruce tells Alfred what he thinks about Vicki.
Bruce Wayne: Alfred. She is great, isn't she?
Alfred Pennyworth (Played by the late Michael Gough) Yes, sir.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah. I want to bust that body. Ooh yeah, ooh yeah. I want to bust that body right." Sean sings a line from Prince's Batdance.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with The Joker, Bob arrives with some photographs that he's been taking and immediately he gets smitten by Vicki after he sees a photo of her.
Joker: Stop the press. Who is that?
Bob the Goon: That's Vicki Vale. She's the photographer who's working with Knox.
Joker: Now, that girl has style. A lovely beast like that running around could put steam in a man's strides.
Bob the Goon: She's dating some guy named Wayne.
Joker: She's about to trade up.
Sean: (Narrating) And immediately, he starts getting obsessed with her.
"Look, I know what happened to Rebecca Schaeffer was tragic and all but this was before she died in July of '89. This movie came out in June of '89." Sean said.
"Dude, you had to bring that up?" Brian asked.
"Never forget, Brian! Never forget." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to a news break from Gotham's very own Action News, where there's a news report about the sudden deaths of two models who suffered an allergic reaction to something. Maybe they were on G from Riverdale or some shit. Then, this happens.
Anchorman (Played by Bruce McGuire): This just in. Three mysterious deaths at a beauty parlor in…
(Becky the anchorwoman, played by Kit Hollerbach, starts laughing a bit, then stops laughing)
"I'm sorry, I was laughing from an episode of American Housewife that I was watching last night. Oh, Kathryn letting Anna-Kat watch Sausage Party." Sean laughs, imitating the character Becky.
(Becky starts having a laughing fit on air)
TV Director (Played by Richard Durden): Barry, what the hell's going on?
Anchorman: Becky, this is hardly the…
(Becky keeps laughing until she falls out of her chair)
Anchorman: Becky.
TV Director: Kill the camera.
"Boy, the new episode of Murphy Brown must be a killer with the audience." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Actually, that was the Joker hijacking the airwaves to announce his new and improved Joker products in a hilarious commercial. What's Joker products? Well, Joker's laced some hygiene products with some "Smilex", a deadly chemical which causes victims to die laughing, resulting in…
(We see Becky, who's died laughing, with the same maniacal grin as the Joker)
"Okay, I don't know who's creepy. Her after she dies laughing or seeing that creepy-ass smile on Salvatore Valestra's corpse from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm." Sean said as he looks at the camera with a horrified look on his face after he realizes what's going to happen. "No! No! Don't show the foot…"
(A clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown. We see Salvatore Valestra's corpse with a creepy grin on his face)
We cut back to Sean, who's ducked down in fear from what just happened, holding up a hand and points. "LET'S MOVE ON!"
Jack Napier: Jesus!
Sean: (Narrating) Gotham learns about the cosmetics scare from the Jokser's deadly weapon, resulting in…
(Sean sees the reporters not wearing any makeup and starts screaming. We see the anchorman without any makeup on him and we can see two pimples on his face)
"Okay, this Ultra 4K HD on my Xbox One X is getting way too detailed." Sean said, covering his eyes.
(A clip from Grandma Mary is shown)
Grandma Mary: Bitch, I… you the one ugly!
Woman: Who ugly?
Grandma Mary: You! Nappy-head fucker!
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Vicki heads down to Gotham's prestigious Flugelheim Museum, where she's meeting Bruce Wayne, but this turns out to be a trick from the Joker as he knocks everybody out with knockout gas.
(Vicki puts on the gas mask while everybody gets knocked out by knockout gas)
"You know, getting a reservation for the Flugelheim Museum is a bitch, but the food is certainly to die for." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Joker comes in with his goons and crashes the party, in one of my favorite scenes ever.
Joker: Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lawrence.
(Lawrence starts playing some music on his boom box. The song Partyman by Prince starts playing throughout the scene while the Joker's men start trashing the place)
Joker: (To one of his goons after he sees a painting of Abraham Lincoln) Give him a shave. Terence, brush.
(Another one of his goons named Terence hands Joker a paintbrush as he walks over to the painting and defacing it by writing down "Joker was here!")
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, as much as I like Prince and trust me, I have a mother who's a big Prince fan. Even though the songs I like from the film were Batdance, Partyman and Scandalous, but the Prince soundtrack seemed a bit dated. I know that the producers Jon Peters and Peter Guber and Tim Burton wanted to boost the movie's popularity and help the marketing but really? I love 80s music and all but these tracks sound pretty dated now. I know it was cutting edge back then like having Toto do the music for Dune and Queen doing songs for Highlander. Anyway, this song Partyman fits perfectly for this scene.
"Time for another fun bat fact. Well, how about three? First, Tim Burton disliked the Prince songs, they were producer Jon Peters' idea. Second, Jack Nicholson admitted that this scene and this scene only made him uneasy because he's an art lover. And three: George Michael and Michael Jackson were originally contributed to do songs for the movie. Now that I think about it, can you imagine one of Michael Jackson's songs playing throughout this scene?" Sean asked.
(The scene where the Joker and his men start defacing painting at the museum is shown, instead of Prince's Partyman playing, Michael Jackson's Bad starts playing)
We cut back to Sean, who's dressed as Michael Jackson from the Bad music video and dancing like him. Right when he starts yelling like Michael Jackson, the wind starts blowing, knocking the young critic down.
Sean: (Narrating) After trashing the joint, the Joker tries to charm Vicki by checking out the photos that she took.
Joker: (While checking out her portfolio) Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.
(A clip from Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas is shown)
The Grinch (Played by Jim Carrey): (Looking into a phone book) Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!
Joker: Let me tell you what I'm thinking about, sweetie. I was in the bath one day when I realized why I was destined for greatness.
"Uh… oooookay." Sean said. "How did that happen?"
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(Sean is seen sitting in the bathtub, sighing while relaxing. He then opens his eyes and sits up as he realizes something)
Sean: I'm destined for greatness. (Smiles)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Joker: I make art until someone dies. See? (Laughs) I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
Vicki Vale: What do you want?
Joker: My face on the $1 bill.
"Oh, we'll get to that one soon. Trust me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While talking to Vicki, he shows her his latest piece of art. Which is his mistress Alicia and her scarred face, hence why she's wearing the mask. Joker asks Vicki about what she knows about Batman and terrorizes her.
(Vicki throws some water on the Joker's face. Joker covers his face and screams)
Joker: (Screams) Help me! Oh! I'm melting! I'm melting! Help me! I'm melting! I'm melting! I'm melting!
(Joker turns around, his makeup coming off, revealing his pale white skin as Vicki screams)
Joker: Boo! (Laughs)
(Batman comes crashing down from the skylight)
"Something looks a little off here." Sean said as he picks up his DVD remote, rewinding to the part where Batman comes crashing in through the skylight and pauses as he notices a wire lowering him down. "Well, I see that Batman has his own stunt team lowering him in on a wire. Is this movie going to have crappy effects like Superman IV?"
Sean: (Narrating) Batman and Vicki escape in the Batmobile while the Joker's men give chase.
(While chasing the Batmobile, the Joker's men start shooting wildly and up in the air)
"Really? That's a waste of ammo and dumbasses are shooting all over the place. Are you guys trying to hit any birds out flying at night?" Sean asked.
(We see the Joker's men shoot up in the air while we hear Sean making bird sounds)
Sean: (Narrating) And then it turns into the car chase from The Blues Brothers.
(The Joker's goons crash into some cars, causing a multi car pile up. A produce truck crashes into another car, causing a bunch of cabbages to fall off)
(A sound bit from Avatar: The Last Airbender plays)
The Cabbage Merchant: (V/O) My cabbages!
(More cars continue to crash)
(A sound bit from SpongeBob SquarePants plays)
Fred the Fish: (V/O) My leg!
Sean: (Narrating) The Batmobile gets blocked off, so our heroes escape on foot until the Joker's men catch up with them.
(Vicki screams as she sees the Joker's goons driving up on her and Batman)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, is it just me or does Vicki Vale scream a lot in this movie.
(A montage of Vicki Vale screaming is shown)
"Jesus! Damsel in distress much, lady? I got a feeling that she's gonna make me go deaf. I'm lucky that I didn't start a drinking game for this one on how many time Vicki Vale screams throughout the movie." Sean said.
(A picture of Vicki Vale from Batman '89 and Vicki Vale from Batman: Arkham City pop up)
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, Vicki Vale in Batman: Arkham City didn't scream a lot while she was getting shot at by the Joker's goons. She toughed it out.
"In this one, she…" Sean said.
(We see Vicki Vale screaming)
"Taking a page from Willie Scott in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." Sean said.
(A clips from Batman and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom play back to back, showing Vicki Vale and Willie Scott screaming. Then, a clip from The Ren & Stimpy Show is shown)
Brown Yak: SHUT UP! I can't STAND it anymore!
"To be fair, she's fearing for her life." Brian pointed out.
"Yeah, I'm about to become deaf because of her." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So anyway, Batman starts beating up on the Joker's goons while Vicki starts taking photos.
(Batman begins to fight the Joker's goons while Vicki takes pictures. Then, one of the goons appear and he's armed with two swords. He yells and starts swinging his swords around.
"Really, dude? Are you going to act like that guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark and show off like a moron?" Sean asked.
(The goon starts running at Batman while swinging his swords until Batman kicks him)
"Thank you, Batman." Sean said.
(Bob the Goon pops up armed with a knife. Batman beckons him to fight him, but instead Bob drops the knife and runs away)
(A sound clip from South Park: The Stick of Truth plays)
New Kid: (V/O) Screw you, guys. I'm going home.
"And to complete the superhero formula, you got to have a scene where the superhero uses his powers around his romantic interests. Here's the thing: Batman doesn't have any superpowers and well, the Batmobile becomes the superpower and Vicki Vale isn't exactly enjoying a romantic moment, she's not sure about this guy and she thinks that he might be crazy like the Joker. Coming up right now, is one of the most awesome and most memorable sequences ever. I'm just going to shut up and let this scene play through. Ladies and gentlemen, behold the awesomness of Danny Elfman and Tim Burton." Sean said.
(The scene is shown while the track Descent Into Mystery plays. We see Batman driving the Batmobile through the woods. Batman is driving while Vicki turns to him)
Vicki Vale: Where are we going?
(Batman stays silent)
(Batman continues to drive and speeds up. Vicki turns to Batman and tries to look into his eyes. Batman shines a light at Vicki, keeping her from looking at him. The music score builds up to a big crescendo as Vicki looks and screams right when the Batmobile drives through a wall, taking her to the Batcave. We then see the words "FUCKING AWESOME!" on the screen)
"My God! This scene kicks ass! Look at the way the visuals and the music come together in this scene. This deserves eight batarangs on the awesomeness meter." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Batman takes Vicki into the Batcave and gives her the information from his research on Smylex that will allow the citizens to avoid exposure to the toxin. But Vicki doesn't know for sure if she can trust this man who might be dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He's psychotic.
Vicki Vale: Some people say the same thing about you.
Batman: What people?
"The people who protested about you playing Batman." Sean said.
Vicki Vale: Why did you bring me here? I mean, you could have sent that stuff to the press yourself.
Batman: You're right. There is something else you have that I want.
Vicki Vale: What?
(Batman throws his cape around Vicki, then we see a bunch of bats flying. Then, we cut to Vicki Vale's apartment, where we see Vicki laying in bed. She wakes up and grasps at her chest, realizing that he took the film)
Vicki Vale: He took the film.
"Uh, I'm not sure but I think that Batman copped a feel while trying to get the film from Vicki. I bet you he did. He was trying to grab the film but instead he grabbed himself some boobies. That's what he did." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
Sean: (as Batman) Let's see here. Where's the film? I know you have the film somewhere. Where is it? Where is it? I got it! Wait, that's not it. Oooh, nice. I'm Batman.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) So after Batman cracks code, Bruce goes to visit Vicki to tell her the truth, but she's a bit livid.
Vicki Vale: I don't know who you think you are. You hurt me.
Bruce Wayne: I know. Look…
Vicki Vale: I called you, and I called you.
Bruce Wayne: I know.
Vicki Vale: And you lied. You lied to me about leaving town.
Bruce Wayne: Well, let me tell you why.
Vicki Vale: Let me tell you! You invited me out. We went to dinner. I thought we felt something.
Bruce Wayne: Right, well, if you give me a chance to explain…
Vicki Vale: I trusted you. And I even slept with you. I can't believe I did that. And then you wouldn't return my calls. You must be some kind of jerk.
"Well, if you would kindly shut up and let him explain." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Right when Bruce is getting ready to tell Vicki to tell her the truth, the Joker arrives and interrupts their meeting and Bruce, knowing who he is decides to confront him without the batsuit.
Bruce Wayne: You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
(Joker shakes his head)
Bruce Wayne: Well… he made mistakes. Then he had his—(Breaks a vase with a firepoker and yells) His lights out! Now, you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
"All of a sudden, he turns into fucking Beetlejuice." Sean said.
Bruce Wayne: Now, you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
(A clip from Beetlejuice is shown)
Beetlejuice (Played by Michael Keaton): You bunch of losers! You're working with a professional here!
"Nice fuckin' vase!" Sean yelled and grabbed his crotch as a honking noise is heard.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, let's be glad that he didn't write a song about how he's going to kick their butts.
Joker: (Pulls out a pistol) Tell me something, my friend… you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce Wayne: What?
Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound it.
(He shoots Bruce as Vicki screams)
Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
(The Joker laughs as the movie fades to black. Then, the end credits are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Alright, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Don't kill me. Bruce used a bended serving tray as body armor and plays dead. Later, the Joker hijacks the airwaves and announces that he'll be throwing a parade and giving free money to the people of Gotham and challenges Batman. Then, Bruce reads an article about his parents' murder, bringing us to a flashback to the night his mother and father were killed by a mugger, and this will definitely change the mythos and it pissed everybody off.
(The armed mugger shoots and kills Thomas and Martha Wayne)
Young Jack Napier (Played by Hugo Blick, credited as Hugo E. Blick): (To a young Bruce Wayne) Tell me, kid… you ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
Sean: (Narrating) Turns out that the man who killed Bruce's parents, happened to be the Joker himself, Jack Napier.
"Okay, so we all know in the comics that Joe Chill was the one that murdered Bruce Wayne's parents when he was young. People were furious with Tim Burton and he admitted that it was his fault. But hey, the Writer's Strike was going on back in the 80s and I don't blame him. Plus, Bob Kane liked the idea of the Joker killing Bruce's parents." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, and by the way. The actor playing Bruce's father Dr. Thomas Wayne, that's David Baxt, who you might recognize him as the cat burglar in Superman: The Movie. Anyway, after Bruce realizes that the Joker was the one who murdered his parents, Alfred brings Vicki into the Batcave. Oh, no.
"Yeah, that was also Tim Burton's fault. He got himself into some deep shit with the fans for having Alfred letting Vicki into the Batcave. And one more thing: why the hell would Alfred let Vicki into the Batcave. I know that he feels that Vicki brings out Bruce's human side, but really. He would be out on his ass in a heartbeat. That is a big no-no." Sean said. "It's just like the time Alfred drank the last Diet Coke."
(A Diet Coke commercial promoting the movie is shown as we see Michael Gough's Alfred drinking a glass of Diet Coke)
Sean's friend Brian then remembers the movie Halloween 4 and a documentary he saw on it.
"That's right. There was a writer's strike around that time." Brian said. "True story, when Halloween 4 was being worked on, the script got sent just before the writer's strike started."
Sean: (Narrating) Bruce and Vicki talk about the future of their relationship, but Bruce cannot focus on their relationship right now because there's a psychotic clown running loose around Gotham. So, Bruce departs as Batman. First up, he raids Axis Chemicals, where the Joker's goons are holed up.
(The Batmobile drives through Axis Chemicals as the Joker's goons start shooting at it. The Batmobile puts it shields up and drops a grenade from out of it's wheel. The grenade explodes, destroying Axis Chemicals and killing the Joker's goons.)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did Batman just straight-up murder these guys?" Sean asked with a surprised look on his face. "Awesome!"
Sean: (Narrating) Now, I know that his credo is never to take a human life but I guess they're just trying to distance themselves from the campy 1960's Adam West show. This sounds like something that Thomas Wayne's Batman would've done. And I don't think Batman should kill anyone but it does make sense considering with what he found out about the Joker. And yes, it does look awesome seeing the Batmobile coming out of the flames and despite the awesomeness of this scene, the Joker is still out there. And where's the Joker? He's busy throwing a parade and giving away free money to the citizens of the city. Uh, where are the cops? They're doing this right in front of City Hall. When you see some guy with green hair, white skin and a creepy smile on a parade float throwing money to people while playing Prince, yeah, some serious shit is about to go down.
"Remember that line the Joker said a few scenes ago?" Sean asked.
Vicki Vale: What do you want?
Joker: My face on the $1 bill.
"Yeah. In the original draft, Joker gave the citizens of Gotham counterfeit money with his face on it. It was in the comic book adaptation of the movie that Linkara and the Nostalgia Critic were talking about. Great job, Vicki. You just gave that guy an idea to kill millions of people. No good, dirty bitch." Sean said as he crossed his arms.
Alexander Knox: (While Vicki is taking pictures) Vale, take a picture.
"Dude, relax! It's not that serious. She's already taking the photographs." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(Sean's cousin Cami is sitting in the kitchen eating a grilled cheese sandwich as Sean enters)
Sean: Dude, eat your sandwich!
Cami: (Stops eating her sandwich) I'm already eating my sandwich. Calm down.
Sean: Oh. Well, you're good.
(Sean leaves as Cami rolls her eyes in disgust)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Batman arrives in his Batwing and crashes the party. But when the Joker sees him flying through the night, he unleashes his ultimate weapon, involving balloons and gas, deadly Smilex gas.
(Vicki takes a photo and notices a gas canister on one of the balloons, and sees some gas spraying out)
Vicki Vale: Oh, my God. Smilex gas. He's going to kill everybody!
"Oh, thank you for stating the obvious like a friggin' Anime character. See? This is why I didn't like you in Batman: The Tell Tale Series." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Batman manages to thwart the Joker's plan to kill everybody by using his Batwing and tows the balloons above the clouds, which pisses the Joker off.
Joker: He stole my balloons! Why didn't somebody tell me that he had one of those things?! Bob, gun.
(Bob hands Joker a gun, then the Joker shoots him)
"No! Not Bob! Why did you have to shoot him?! I can jog all the way to Texas and back but Bob can't! He never could." Sean cried. "Oh, God. I'm so mad, I don't know what to do. I wanna know why. I wanna know why Bob's life is over. Oh, God. I wanna know why. WHY?! It's not supposed to happen to him, I was supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first. God, I just want to hit somebody. I wanna hit it hard!"
(A clip from Steel Magnolias is shown)
Clairee (Played by Olympia Dukakis): (Grabs Ouiser) Here! Hit this. Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser (Played by Shirley MacLaine): Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser: Are you high, Clairee?!
Sean starts laughing. "Okay, now I'm feeling much better."
(Batman flies the Batwing up into the sky and we see the Batwing silhouetted against the moon, then it swoops back down)
"Okay, that was also awesome." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And now, its time for the ultimate battle. It's Batman versus Joker. Coke vs. Pepsi. McDonalds vs. Burger King. Who's gonna win?
(Joker stands in the middle of the street and sees the Batwing coming)
Joker: Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch. Come to me. (Laughs) Come on.
(Batman starts shooting at the Joker with his Batwing, but misses)
"Okay, Bruce Wayne has some shitty targeting abilities to try to shoot at the Joker. And I have to praise Joker for standing out there and counting on him to miss. That takes brass balls right there. I mean, I haven't seen anything like that since General Zod in Superman II." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Joker shoots down the Batwing with his long-barreled gun and apparently one shot is all it takes just to hit it, causing Batman to crash.
"It happens!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Vicki tries to check to find Batman and see if he's alright, but she ends up getting captured by the Joker.
Joker: Gotham City Cathedral. Transportation for two.
Goon: Right away, sir?
Joker: Five minutes.
Goon: Five minutes.
(Joker looks up and sees how tall Gotham City Cathedral looks)
Joker: Better make it 10.
Goon: Okay, 10 minutes.
"And what we have here is another one of my favorite scenes. Fun fact about this scene, this takes place in real time. 10 minutes of screen footage goes by between entering the cathedral and the arrival of the Joker's helicopter." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Joker takes Vicki up to the top of the Cathedral while Batman, who's injured from the crash, follows them. Which follows with a fight with the Joker's goons while Joker is dancing with Vicki Vale.
(Lawrence tries to sneak attack Batman by jumping at him. Instead, he goes crashing through the floor and screams)
"What the hell?! That was really stupid of you to try to attack Batman. But that plan fails." Sean said while laughing.
(Lawrence jumps and crashes through the floor)
Sean: (v/o as Lawrence) Oh, shit! That was a bad idea!
Sean: (Narrating) And while all that is going down, Batman gets roughed up by a brute goon that looks like Ray Charles.
(Batman kicks the brute in the back as the brute goon swings a chain at Batman. Batman ducks down and dodges the goon's attacks)
"Come on, Batman. Circle, square. Circle, square. Stun the brute with your cape and beat him down." Sean said, referencing one of Batman's attacks from the Arkham games.
(The Goon lands heavy blows to Batman's abdomen and his face repeatedly, then pushes him into the bell. The Goon checks to see if Batman has perished. Batman uses his legs and grabs his head, causing the Goon to hit his head on the bell, then throws him down the stairwell)
"Okay, enough with the killing, Batsy. You don't need to turn into The Punisher wearing a mask. Besides, you don't need to threaten to kill somebody." Sean said.
Batman: (Threatens the Joker) I'm going to kill you
"You're not helping, Burton." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Batman beats the living crap out of the Joker for a bit, then knocks him over a ledge. Then, the Joker gets the upper hand. No pun intended and leaves Batman and Vicki hanging until his helicopter arrives.
Joker: Here, let me lend you a hand.
(Vicki reaches for Joker's hand, a fake hand breaks off as Vicki falls but Batman manages to grab her in the nick of time and swings her back up on the ledge)
Joker: (Laugh) Lend you a hand.
"Hey, you should lend Jaime Lannister a hand because he needs one." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Joker's helicopter arrives and he attempts to escape, but Batman stops him by attaching a gargoyle statue to the Joker's leg with his grappling hook, resulting in this….
(The statue breaks off while the Joker is hanging on, until he falls to his death)
"Okay, now that has to be one of the best villain deaths ever. Aside from Hans Gruber in Die Hard and Frollo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame." Sean said. "And then there's Clayton in Tarzan."
Sean: (Narrating) Batman saves Vicki Vale, the Joker is dead and his goons have been rounded up and taken to jail, Batman is accepted as a hero by the city of Gotham, Knox gets friendzoned by Vicki, Commissioner Gordon unveils the Bat-Signal and Vicki comes to terms with Bruce's double life.
Alfred Pennyworth: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that he might be a little late.
Vicki Vale: (Smiles a bit) I'm not a bit surprised.
Sean: (Narrating) And the film ends with Batman on the rooftop standing watch over the city. The end.
"And that was Batman. And yes, the movie is still awesome." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) It's got it's problems, sure. And there are some parts that are a bit dated but yeah the movie is still excellent. The performances were pretty good. I loved Michael Keaton as Batman and Bruce Wayne and Jack Nicholson was awesome as the Joker. What I love about the movie was it's visual design. The film's cinematographer Roger Pratt, who was the cinematographer for the Harry Potter films, did a tremendous job with this movie. My favorite shot of the film would have to be the final confrontation at the cathedral. The late Anton Furst, who was the production designer for The Company of Wolves, Full Metal Jacket and Awakenings, did an incredible job creating this industrial and gothic style of Gotham City. Danny Elfman did an amazing job composing the music for the film. He had help from the Shirley Walker, who went on to compose for Batman: The Animated Series and Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. The visual effects done by the late Derek Meddings are still pretty impressive, like the action set pieces and the destruction of Axis Chemicals, but there are some scenes that you can tell that it's a model and there are some dodgy optical shots. After the film's release, there were video game adaptations based on the film released on the Commodore Amiga, Spectrum, Nintendo, Sega Mega Drive and there's the arcade version which has the original sounds from the movie in 1990. The story's a lot of fun, the characters are likeable and there are some memorable lines in this film. What more can I say about this movie? If you haven't checked this movie out, then go ahead and do it. Just stay away from Batman & Robin. Batman is getting five smiling Jokers out of five.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Until then, this is Sean the Mayhem Critic saying…" Sean said until a flash of lightning appears on the screen and we see Sean wearing a Batman mask. "I'm Batman."
(Deleted Scene)
Joker: I have given a name for my pain, and it is Batman.
(The Joker shoots and destroys the television)
"Goddamn it, Joker! Now how am I going to watch the new episode of American Housewife now?" Sean asked.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- I'm Batman.
And that is all for the review of Tim Burton's Batman. I hope that you all enjoyed reading the new chapter and some of the funny bits in it. Next time, I'll either review Road House, Dune or The Shadow. Here's the plots for the chapter.:
Road House: Sean takes a look at the 1989 cult classic and asks does it deserve any hate from critics?
Dune: Sean takes a look at what was supposed to be David Lynch's sci-fi epic, which turned into a complete and confusing mess.
The Shadow: Alec Baldwin plays a superhero of the 1930s. This is Universal Pictures' answer to Batman.
Which movie do you want me to review next? Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. And feel free to follow and favorite me to your authors. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.