The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic and a happy October to you all because it's time for the second annual Halloween Havoc. Same as the first annual Halloween Havoc, I will be reviewing a couple of scary movies that will creep you out. Today's first movie for Halloween Havoc is the 1988 horror film Child's Play. Is it as scary as it is or is it just goofy? Well, sit back, relax and enjoy the new review for The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Child's Play is owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
Episode Sixty-Nine
Child's Play
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one and welcome to the second annual Halloween Havoc." Sean said.
(We get a new intro, in the form of Stranger Things as the theme music plays. We see that it says "Halloween Havoc 2")
"Throughout the month of October, I will be taking a look at a few terrifying tales that will sure give you goosebumps. With that said, let's talk about Tom Holland." Sean said.
(A picture of Tom Holland, the actor that plays Spider-Man, is shown)
"Wrong Tom Holland. I'm talking about the other Tom Holland." Sean said.
(A picture of Tom Holland, the director, is shown)
"There we go." Sean said.
(Photos of Tom Holland and some of his movies like Psycho II, Fright Night '85, Cloak & Dagger, Stephen King's The Langoliers and Stephen King's Thinner are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) What can I say about Tom Holland? He's one of the masters of horror. He penned the sequel to Psycho in 1983 and he gave us the cult vampire movie Fright Night in 1985. The man is a genius in horror as well as storytelling.
"And what better way to start off Halloween Havoc is when I talk about another one of Tom Holland's movies, Child's Play." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie Child's Play are shown while music from the movie start playing)
Sean: (Narrating) I know that people like this movie and sometimes it scares people, like my girlfriend. I enjoy this movie and I know that there's some goofy moments in it. The movie was released in theaters on November 9, 1988. The movie tells the story of a little boy who gets a Good Guy doll for his birthday, but unknown to him, the doll is possessed by the soul of a serial killer and it goes on a killing spree and letting the body count rise.
"I know, it sounds silly but hey I would be creeped out too if the doll I gave me kid came to life. Well, let's see if Halloween Havoc starts off to a great start, let's take a look at Child's Play." Sean said.
(The movie begins)
Sean: (Narrating) So the movie begins as we see detective Mike Norris played by Chris Sarandon, chasing serial killer Charles Lee Ray, a.k.a. the Lakeshore Strangler, played by Brad Dourif down the streets of Chicago while getting into a shoot-out with the guy and he outwits him the best way that he can by hiding right in front of him.
(Charles Lee Ray hides behind a pillar as the police car drives right past him)
"What the hell? How did he not see the guy? Who's driving that car Chief Wiggum? What? Was he busy eating his donuts?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Ray hides in a toy store but Detective Norris isn't going to let him go that easily.
(Detective Norris shoots Ray in the chest)
"Ha! Take that Grima Wormtongue!" Sean exclaimed as he points at the camera.
Charles Lee Ray (Played by Brad Dourif): (As he feels his chest and notices blood on his hand): Oh, God, I'm dying.
"Wow, at least his taking that bullet wound to the chest very well. I mean, he could at least get mad at the guy and…" Sean said.
Charles Lee Ray: (Yelling) YOU HEAR THIS, YOU SON OF A BITCH?! (Coughs) I'M GONNA GET YOU, AND I'M GONNA GET EDDIE, NO MATTER WHAT!
"Yeah, kinda like that. You gotta get at least your last words in and vowing revenge against that person before you die." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Luckily for the dying Charles, he stumbles across some Good Guy dolls and finds one and guess what? It turns out that he knows some Haitian voodoo spells just in case he kicks the bucket.
(Charles speaks in an ancient ritual language, summoning a spell while placing his hand on the Good Guy doll as lightning flashes. We then cut to Detective Norris, who's continuing his slow search through the toy store while lightning continues to flash)
Sean: (Narrating) Dude, what the hell are you doing? How can you not find this guy? He's screaming louder. It's just like Gilbert Gottfried playing hide and seek and he yells out, (Imitates Gilbert Gottfried) "Hey, you! Yeah, you! I'm over here! Right here!".
"Alright. Whoever taught him voodoo, it wasn't Francois Duvalier." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, Haitian voodoo spells tend to make things explode.
"Like so." Sean said.
(A lightning bolt strikes the ceiling window, causing a big explosion, sending Detective Norris flying to a far distance before we cut to the windows to the store shattering from the explosion)
"Damn, it causes things to explode. What did they put out in the store the explosive Lego sets? They should have that checked out." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But luckily, Detective Norris survives the explosion. Wow, I guess the Power Rangers toys were explosive-proof but his suspect is dead. We cut to a little boy named Andy Barclay, played by Alex Vincent, and we see that it's his birthday and he's preparing a little breakfast for his mother with a bowl filled to the brim with cereal and milk and sugar on top with a side of toast... (sees that Andy burned the toast) Well, it's burnt toast.
"Geez, Chef Ramsay's not going to like this kid's cooking." Sean said.
(We see Andy preparing breakfast for his mother)
Sean: (V/O as Chef Gordon Ramsay) Andy, look what you did. You burnt the fucking toast, you fucking little shit!
"Well, at least he didn't stick a knife in the toaster or turn it into a time machine." Brian said, referencing World's Dumbest and The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror V.
"Exactly!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) We're introduced to Andy's mother Karen, played by Catherine Hicks.
"Who you might recognize her as Gillian from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, one of my favorite Star Trek movies of all time, and as Annie Camden, the wife of Reverend Eric Camden from 7th Heaven, which also starred..." Sean said, until he turns to his left and notices a photo of actor Stephen Collins next to him before turning to the camera and saying another word. "Uh, yeah. That guy."
Sean: (Narrating) Andy is excited because he's getting a Good Guy doll for his birthday, but all he gets is Good Guy accessories like a Good Guy tool belt.
"The Good Guys are a parody of what, exactly?" Brian asked.
"I don't know. Maybe they're making fun of the Cabbage Patch Kids or Care Bears or Teddy Ruxpin or the Monchhichis." Sean said.
"The what?" Brian asked, not recognizing the last one.
"The Monchhichis. They're a line of Japanese stuffed animal monkeys back in the 1980s. There was a cartoon produced by Hanna-Barbera." Sean said.
"Oh." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, we see that Karen is busy with work as her friend Maggie Peterson, played by Dinah Manoff, tells her that she came across a peddler in the alley behind the store who's selling one. So, they go to the peddler just to buy the thing. Hmm, I wonder if that bum is related to Chester A. Bum.
Karen Barclay (Played by Catherine Hicks): How much do you want for it?
Peddler (Played by Juan Ramirez): 50 bucks.
Maggie Peterson (Played by Dinah Manoff): 10 and not a penny more.
Peddler: 30.
Maggie Peterson: What are you kidding? That thing is not worth $30.
"You know she's right. I mean, what if there's something wrong with it? Maybe it doesn't work or what if it's broken? You'll never know." Sean said.
Peddler: (After Karen buys the doll and hands it over to her) Here you go, lady. May it bring you and your kid a lot of joy.
Karen Barclay: Thank you.
Maggie Peterson: Hey, hold on, you! How do we know the damn thing isn't stolen, huh?
Peddler: (Shows off his crotch area towards Maggie): Eh, steal this! (He walks off with his cart)
Maggie Peterson: Eh, "steal this" yourself.
"Oh, my God. Those insults were horrible. I heard better insults in movies." Sean said.
(A clip from A Fish Called Wanda is shown)
Otto (Played by Kevin Kline): You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole!
(A clip from Gleaming the Cube is shown)
Brian Kelly (Played by Christian Slater): If I had a dog with a face like yours I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.
Al Lucero (Played by Steven Bauer): What'd you say?
(A clip from The Empire Strikes Back is shown)
Princess Leia (Played by the late Carrie Fisher): You stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!
(A clip from Dolemite is shown)
Dolemite (Played by the late Rudy Ray Moore): You no-business, born-insecure, jock-jawed motherfucker!
(A clip from Toy Story is shown)
Buzz Lightyear (Voiced by Tim Allen): You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity.
(A clip from John Carpenter's They Live is shown)
Nada (Played by the late Roddy Piper): You, you're okay. This one: real fuckin' ugly.
(A clip from New Jack City is shown)
Nino Brown (Played by Wesley Snipes): Sit your five dollar ass down before I make change!
(A clip from Mean Girls is shown)
Student: Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
Janis Ian (Played by Lizzy Caplan): Your mom's chest hair!
(A clip from Stand By Me is shown)
Chris Chambers (Played by the late River Phoenix): (To Ace) Why don't you go home and fuck your mother some more?
"Yeah, those are the greatest insults in movie history and this is the best you can come up with? Stupid!" Sean exclaimed.
"Hey, at least she got him one. They go like hotcakes." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Karen gives Andy the doll and boy that doll looks creepy. Hell, it's more creepy that Gabby Gabby from Toy Story 4. Hell, I find Benson more scarier. Anyway, while Maggie is watching Andy while Karen is at work, Chucky decides to fuck with her a bit.
(Maggie sees that the television is on and that Chucky is sitting on the couch)
"Really? Chucky decides to mess with Carol Weston from Empty Nest by turning on the television and watch the news. Couldn't he just kill her?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And with Andy asleep, Chucky decides to mess with Maggie some more as she checks around the apartment to find where the commotion was coming from and who's in the apartment with her, but she couldn't find anything.
Maggie Peterson: (After searching the place and couldn't find anything) What is wrong with me? I'm scaring myself half to death.
(Maggie turns around)
(A sound clip from M.C. Hammer's U Can't Touch This starts playing)
M.C. Hammer: Hammer time!
(Maggie gets hit in the head with a hammer by an unseen assailant. She stumbles backwards and falls through the apartment window to her death)
"Okay, either Chucky killed her or it's the fact that she tripped over something and threw herself out the window like a complete idiot. And this was all coming from a hammer." Sean said. "Also, the body count has started."
Sean: (Narrating) The cops come to investigate the crime scene as Karen enters her home to check on Andy, only to find him safe with Detective Dandridge (Detective Norris) and the detective tells Karen the bad news about her friend Maggie.
Detective Mike Norris (Played by Chris Sarandon): Miss Peterson's dead, Mrs. Barclay.
Karen Barclay: What? (A long pause occurs)
Sean: (Voiceover) Can we get a line here?
Karen Barclay: How?
Detective Mike Norris: She fell from your kitchen window.
"Yeah, more like she threw herself out the window. She was just being clumsy as fuck." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Detective Humperdinck shows Karen around the crime scene and he shows her some footprints on the counter and he thinks that Andy killed Maggie.
Detective Mike Norris: (To Andy) What do you got on your feet?
Andy Barclay (Played by Alex Vincent): Good Guy PJ sneakers.
Detective Mike Norris: Wow. Come here. Can I see the bottoms of them?
Andy Barclay: Sure.
(Andy shows Detective Norris the bottom of his Good Guy PJ sneakers)
Detective Mike Norris: Look at this. There's a gun. Is that a cowboy hat?
Karen Barclay: Andy, get into bed. I'll be in a minute to tuck you in.
Andy Barclay: But, Mom…
Karen Barclay: Right now.
"Oh, come on. Andy and I were going to play "Arrest the Suspect", I got the handcuffs and everything." Sean said, imitating Detective Norris.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, Andy finds some flour particles on the bottom of Chucky's sneakers and he goes to warn his mother and Detective Norris that Chucky was on the kitchen counter. But nobody believes him, so Karen tells him to go to bed right when she kicks the police officers out.
(Detective Norris pushes the door open)
Karen Barclay: What?
Detective Mike Norris: Are you gonna call me?
Karen Barclay: You don't give up, do you?
Detective Mike Norris: I just… I hate loose ends.
"Smooth, dude. Just smooth. Ask the woman out on a date after suspecting that her six-year-old boy killed her best friend. You must've been taking lessons from Peter Venkman." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After kicking the cops out of her apartment, Karen begins to hear Andy talking to Chucky. (Sees the doll) God, he looks so fucking creepy. And he begins to tell her some interesting things: like telling her that his real name is Charles Lee Ray and that he's been sent down from heaven by his father to play with him and he says some more thing, regarding Maggie.
Andy Barclay: He said Aunt Maggie was a real bitch and got what she deserved.
"I heard somewhere Alex freaked out during filming for that bit. He was what, about the age of his character." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Andy claims that Chucky is alive but his mother tells him that he's just a doll, made of plastic and stuffing and there's no way that he's alive. So, he apologizes to his mother and tells her that he will stop making up stories, so it's all good now.
Andy Barclay: (To Chucky) You're right, Chucky. She didn't believe me.
(Chucky turns his head and looks at the door)
We cut back to Sean, who shudders in fear after seeing Chucky turning his head. "No wonder my girlfriend is scared of that movie."
Chucky: Hi. I like to be hugged.
"Yeah, I would rather not hug you. You can forget about that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Karen drops Andy off at school but Andy decides to skip school and he somehow gets an L-ticket to take the train down to the other side of town… the ghetto.
(The Elvis Presley song "In the Ghetto" starts playing as we see Andy walking down the bad side of town)
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Andy and Chucky arrive at an abandoned house where his old partner Eddie Caputo, played by Neil Giuntoli respectively, is staying at. While Andy is paying the water bill, Chucky runs over to the house to get revenge on the guy that left him.
(Chucky opens the oven door, making a thudding noise as we cut to Eddie Caputo, who wakes up and braces his gun in his hand, getting up to see what's going on. We cut back to Chucky, who turns the knob on the stove, releasing the gas after he blows the pilot light out)
"Hey, somehow it fills the whole house with gas in about two minutes. And for Eddie to be a complete moron." Sean said.
(Eddie opens the kitchen door and opens fire, resulting in the house exploding and killing him)
"Okay, is it just me or did Michael Bay take over directing this movie because there are one, too many explosions. Come to think of it, can you imagine what it would be like if Michael Bay directed the movie?" Sean asked, then realized what it would be like if Michael Bay directed Child's Play. "Oh, dear. Then, that means a shitload of explosions in it."
Sean: (Narrating) Karen is called down to the police station as Detective Jack Skellington takes her to see Andy. Again, Andy is blamed for Eddie Caputo's murder and he sticks to his story that Chucky had something to do with it.
Andy Barclay: (To Chucky) Please, say something. (Andy grabs the doll and shakes it violently) Come on, Chucky. Say something. Tell me why you lied to me about everything.
(A cartoonish cuckoo clock sound effect plays in the background)
Andy Barclay: Come on, Chucky. Say something. Tell me.
"Okay, it's official. The kid has totally lost his mind." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But a doctor from County General named Dr. Ardmore, played by the late Jack Colvin, takes Andy away for a couple of days after witnessing Andy going nutty. Karen goes home with the Chucky doll and as she tries to throw the box away, she finds a shocking revelation that the batteries were still in the packaging and were never put in him and she suspects that there's something wrong.
(Karen picks Chucky up and turns him around to open his back to access his battery pack; the words "Holy Shit Moment in 3… 2… 1…" appears on the screen as Karen opens the battery pack, revealing that it's empty)
Chucky: (Turns his head and speaks in a normal child voice): Hi, I'm Chucky. Wanna play?
(Karen screams and drops the doll onto the floor)
"Now, she knows that Andy wasn't kidding." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After learning that there's something up with the doll, Karen tries to get it to talk by threatening to throw it into the fireplace. But the killer Cabbage Patch Kid has a few choice words to say to her.
Chucky: (Suddenly comes to life and starts to speak like Charles Lee Ray, attacking her) You stupid bitch! You filthy slut! I'll teach you to fuck with me!
We cut back to Sean, who's scene chuckling from watching the scene.
"Oh, sweet Jesus. Can we just have a sign to remind us that this is supposed to be a scary movie?" Sean asked.
(The scene where Chucky comes to life and attack Karen plays as the words "THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SCARY MOVIE" appear on the screen)
"Save the comedy for Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky, okay? As a matter of fact, and I know for a fact that I'm gonna be immature about this, I have to play this song." Sean said as he points up at the ceiling.
(The Muppet Show theme song starts playing while Chucky attacks Karen. The song ends as Karen throws Chucky across the room, and he gets up and runs out of the apartment)
"Boy it turned into a creepy-ass version of Lamb Chop's Play Along." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Karen runs after Chucky but he easily gets away from her. So, she go meets with Detective I'm Not Michael Nouri to tell him about Chucky and tell him that he's running loose. Now, I'm sure that she's not going to sound crazy.
Karen Barclay: See, I threatened to throw him into the fireplace, when all of a sudden, he came alive in my hand. I-I dropped him, and he got up and ran out of the apartment.
(A brief sound of a cuckoo clock is heard as Detective Norris just stares at Karen)
Detective Mike Norris: Good night, Mrs. Barclay. (He tries to walk away)
Karen Barclay: Wait a minute. I am telling you the truth. He killed Maggie. He killed Eddie Caputo.
Detective Mike Norris: Look, Mrs. Barclay. I sympathize with you. I really do.
"I sympathize with you Mrs. Barclay, I have a Moncchichi that tried to kill my little brother." Sean said, imitating Detective Norris.
"I have a Power Ranger Dinozord that stepped on my parents and killed them." Brian said.
"I had a Teddy Ruxpin that murdered my family." Oliver said.
"I have an A.J Styles action figure that broke my dad's back." Lucas said.
"Look, what we're trying to say here is that you're fucking crazy and you need some help. Badly." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) He doesn't go for it until…
(Karen shows Mike the bite mark on her arm)
Detective Mike Norris: How did you get those?
Karen Barclay: Chucky bit me.
Detective Mike Norris: (Looking annoyed) Oh, for God's sake.
"Again with Chucky. Will this crazy bitch leave me alone?" Sean imitates Detective Norris once more.
Sean: (Narrating) Karen goes to search for the peddler who sold her the doll. But he's not going to say where he got it from unless she gives him something in return.
Peddler: What will you give me if I tell you?
Karen Barclay: I don't have much, but you're welcome to whatever I have.
(The peddler grabs a dollar from out of Karen's purse and throws it)
Peddler: It's not enough. What else you got?
Karen Barclay: That's all I've got.
Peddler: All you got?
"Oookay, this movie is definitely getting creepy because I thought I was going to watch a Brazzers video with Riley Reid in it." Sean said, looking a bit creeped out.
Sean: (Narrating) But before the peddler could force himself onto Karen, Detective Norris steps in to stop the party.
Detective Mike Norris: All right. Now, you want to answer the lady's question now? Where did you get the doll from?
Peddler: I don't know nothing about no doll.
Detective Mike Norris: You're not gonna know nothing about nothing in a minute, unless you talk to me. Now talk!
"Don't make me make you eat this bullet, you pig!" Sean exclaimed while pointing his AMT Hardballer .45 ACP pistol at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) The peddler tells Detective Norris that he got the doll from a burned-out toy store, which the news upsets the detective. So Karen decides to check out the toy store but Mike tells her that there's nothing there.
Detective Mike Norris: Why don't you believe me? It was struck by lightning the night Charles Lee Ray died.
Karen Barclay: How do you know that?
Detective Mike Norris Because I was there. I was the man who killed him.
(A clip from Return of the Jedi is shown)
Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi (Played by Alec Guiness): So what I told you was true from a certain point of view.
Sean: (Narrating) Karen wants to check out where Charles Lee Ray's apartment but Detective Norris tells her where he lives and him and Karen split so he can have a pleasant drive home. Except for one minor detail. It involves a killer doll possessed by the spirit of a serial killer tying some loose ends. So, Chucky tries to choke the motherfucker with some wires but luckily Detective Skellington uses his cigarette lighter to burn his face. And it becomes one wild ride for the detective.
(Chucky starts stabbing at the driver's seat with a knife repeatedly while Detective Norris, who's avoiding the knife, drives faster)
"Yeah, try driving faster. That'll help you get away from the crazy backseat driver." Sean said.
(Chucky stabs the seat, the knife misses Mike's groin as he screams)
"Geez, it's not every day that you see a killer doll trying to castrate a man." Sean said, looking in surprise.
Sean: (Narrating) After living out the psychotic version of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Chucky tries to kill Detective Norris and just messes with him for a bit until...
(Chucky gets ready to kill Mike, but he manages to shoot Chucky. Mike gets ready to shoot Chucky but the killer doll manages to escape as Mike opens fire. He then sighs after he couldn't believe what he just saw)
"I think that crazy lady with that crazy son might be right about the doll. Boy, I need a drink." Sean said, imitating Detective Norris.
Sean: (Narrating) The next morning, Karen heads down to Charles Lee Ray's apartment to see if she could find any clues and she comes across a wall painting of a voodoo witch doctor. Probably Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog. Then, Detective Norris arrives to jump scare her. He tells her that he was good friends with a voodoo witch doctor named John Bishop a.k.a. Dr. Death, played by Raymond Oliver. Then, Chucky goes to see his friend to show him his new body and to tell him that he could feel pain and here's the reason why.
Dr. Death (Played by Raymond Oliver): You're turning human.
Chucky: What?
Dr. Death: The more time you spend in that body, the more human you'll become.
Chucky: You mean I have to live out the rest of my life in this body? No fucking way. You got me into this, you get me out.
Dr. Death: I can't do that, Chucky.
Chucky: Why not?
Dr. Death: Because you're an abomination, an outrage against nature. You perverted everything I've taught you and used it for evil. And you have to be stopped.
Sean: (Narrating) After realizing that teaching black magic to the guy is a bad idea, Chucky finds a voodoo doll that lying around for some reason and decides to give John a break.
(Chucky a leg on the voodoo doll before John's leg snaps)
"Great job, dude. You left a voodoo doll around for someone to get their hands on it. You're not that bright." Sean said.
Chucky: Now, how do I get out of this body?
Dr. Death: No, I won't tell you.
Chucky: Yeah?
(A Nestle's Crunch commercial starts playing)
Boy: (Sings) That's why I looooooove Nestle Crunch!
(The boy takes a bite of the Nestle Crunch before cut back to the movie as we see John's arm snaps)
"Ah, voodoo blackmail." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Dr. Death tells Chucky in order to get out of the body that he's in, he has to transfer his soul to the first person he revealed his true self to, and that person is Andy.
Chucky: You mean the first person I let in on the fact that I was really alive? (Laughs) I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. The first person I let in on my little secret was a six-year-old kid. I'm gonna be six years old again.
"I know. It sounds pretty crazy. And weird." Sean said.
Chucky: Well, John, it's been fun, but I gotta go. I've got a date with a six-year-old boy.
Sean spits out his lemonade iced tea after he hears the line. "What the hell?
"Seriously, Brad?" Brian asked.
"And this is coming from an Oscar-winner." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Chucky fatally wounds John by stabbing the voodoo doll before Karen and Detective Norris arrive. As they arrive on the scene, they find Dr. Death lying on the floor bleeding and getting ready to join his friends on the other side. Before he dies, he tells Karen the only way to save Andy is to shoot Chucky in the heart because his heart is almost human. Meanwhile, Andy fears for his life when Chucky arrives to kill him. With luck, the killer doll arrives at Andy's room, only to find that he's not in bed. So, Andy runs for his life and hides in the operating room, only to be caught by Dr. Ardmore, who attempts to sedate him.
(Chucky stabs Dr. Ardmore in the leg with the scalpel. Dr. Ardmore falls to the floor as Chucky begins to shock him with the electroshock machine, we see his face getting burnt)
"No, no, no. We're not making electric puns here." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Andy heads home to hide from Chucky as the killer doll goes after him and he manages to knock him out.
Chucky: Batter up!
(Chucky strikes Andy in the back of the head, knocking him out as the song "Centerfield" by John Fogerty starts playing)
Sean: (Narrating) He gets ready to possess Andy, but Karen manages to stop the ritual just in time, only for Detective Skellington to hunt him down.
(Chucky appears with a baseball bat and hits Mike in the gut, then strikes him in the head to knock him out)
"Useless. Character. Ever." Sean said.
(Chucky gets ready to kill Mike but Karen shoots him in the leg. Chucky gets back up as Karen tries to shoot him, but the gun gets jammed)
Chucky: What's wrong? Gun jammed?
"Well, she is holding a Beretta Model 70, those things tend to jam at the wrong time." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chucky tries to attack Karen, but she manages to throw him in the fireplace and tries to keep him in there with Andy just watching and wondering why is his doll attacking mommy and then he says oh, yeah. The doll is possessed by the spirit of a serial killer. So, Andy grabs the match and strikes it.
"And then we get one of the greatest lines ever in movie history." Sean said.
Chucky: Andy, no, please.
(Andy strikes the match)
Chucky: We're friends to the end. Remember?
Andy: This is the end, friend.
"Man, this line is along the most bad-ass line heard from a kid. We have other bad-ass lines like these two." Sean pointed out.
(A clip from Leprechaun is shown)
Alex (Played by Robert Hy Gorman): Fuck you, Lucky Charms.
(A clip from The Monster Squad is shown)
Horace (Played by the late Brent Chalem): My name is Horace.
(Horace racks the shotgun back)
"Best. Line. Ever." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Andy, burns Chucky to a crisp. Therefore, Chucky is dead.
Detective Mike Norris: What happened?
Karen Barclay: Oh, my God. Chucky's dead.
"Oh, that's good. Because the last ten minutes would be a waste of our time. Well, that was Child's Play and..." Sean said.
(Andy quickly runs down the hallway before he is tripped by the foot of Chucky. After falling to the floor, Andy turns and sees the charred remains of Chucky, who holds the knife in one hand)
(A sound clip from GoldenEye plays as Chucky is revealed)
Boris Grishenko (Played by Alan Cumming): I AM INVINCIBLE!
Chucky: Hello, Andy.
"Goddamn it." Sean said. "Well, time for Plan B."
Sean: (Narrating) So, yeah. Plan B involves shooting the fuck out of him by shooting off his head, then shooting off his arm and then shooting his leg off before his body falls to the floor and finishing him off by popping him full of lead.
(Karen stands above Chucky and guns him down repeatedly)
"Uh, I think he's dead now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Mike's partner Jack, played by Tommy Swerdlow, arrives at the apartment and calls an ambulance for him, then Mike tells Jack that Andy was right about the doll but Jack doesn't believe him. So, Mike tells him to check it out and warns him not to touch anything and this is a horror film and you know the routine, have a character that doesn't listen do something stupid, like picking up Chucky's burned head.
Jack Santos (Played by Tommy Swerdlow): Okay, Mike. I'd like you to take a look at this thing, okay? Because there's no way this thing's alive.
Detective Mike Norris: I thought I told you not to touch it.
"Dude, he said not to touch it. And look what you did. Why couldn't you just listen..." Sean said.
(Chucky's body suddenly appears from an air shaft beside Jack's head and starts strangling him, scaring the others)
"You stupid, dumb son of a bitch!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Uh, yeah, What was it that Dr. Death say about how to kill Chucky right before he kicked the bucket? Oh, yeah. I remember, SHOOT HIM IN THE FUCKING HEART!
Karen Barclay: (To Mike) Shoot him in the heart!
Sean rolls his eyes and slaps his forehead for the pure stupidity that is happening. "What did I say? What did I fucking just say? Stupid!"
Sean: (Narrating) Detective Norris manages to shoot Chucky in the heart, therefore killing him. Finally, Chucky is dead and he'll never come back to life, ever again
.
(Posters for Child's Play 2, Child's Play 3, Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, Curse of Chucky and Cult of Chucky are shown)
Sean: (Narrating and coughs) Oh, bullshit! You don't come back from the dead repeatedly. Anyway, happy ending! Chucky is dead, at least until we see him again in Child's Play 2, and all four survive. Mike and his idiot partner have some paperwork to fill out, Catherine Hicks moves on to 7th Heaven and as for Andy, he'll never be the same again from having a killer doll trying to steal his soul.
"And that was Child's Play and yeah, it's one hell of a ride." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown again)
Sean: (Narrating) I can see how people are creeped out at the film. Even though it's pretty goofy and over the top, I find this film to be scary and watching it again, it still creeped me out. The effects were pretty good except for when Chucky is walking, you can clearly see that it's a person in a suit. As for the acting, Catherine Hicks and Alex Vincent were fantastic. Hicks played the role of a mother who's loving, caring and scared and Vincent plays a great kid who's wrapped in a dangerous situation. But big props to Brad Dourif, he's so good in this as Chucky. I haven't seen the remake with Mark Hamill as the voice of Chucky, I'm sure that he's good but Brad Dourif owns this character. Aside from pacing issues and some of the effects looking dated, the movie relies on suspense and is pretty damn scary. It did a good job scaring me when I was young. Child's Play comes in at 4 killer dolls on fire out of 5.
"Well, that is it for today and don't worry, there will be more films for me to review as Halloween Havoc continues. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you..." Sean said as he hears a knock on his door. "What the? Who's at my door?"
Sean gets up from off of the couch and walks over to the door as he unlocks it and opens it. The young critic looks down at the floor mat only to find a box. He picks it up and closes the door behind him, then walks over to the couch in his living room to sit the box down.
"I wonder what's in the box." Sean said to himself.
He begins to open the box, only to find a Gabby Gabby doll.
"What the? A Gabby Gabby doll?" Sean asked as he looks at the doll.
We then cut back to the outside of Sean's house as we we Sean throwing the doll out on his yard.
"Not today, you crazy doll! That's for taking Woody's voice box!" Sean yelled out as he closed the door.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- I've got a date with a six-year-old boy.
And that was it for the Child's Play review for The Mayhem Critic's Halloween Havoc. I hope you all enjoyed it. I will get a chance to watch the remake and probably review it, I'm sure that Mark Hamill will play the best Chucky. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, the 2nd annual Halloween Havoc continues as Sean reviews Psycho III to see if Anthony Perkins' directorial debut was a home run or a swing and a miss. Or maybe his directorial debut was a home run and the movie was a swing and a miss. Don't forget to review the story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. If you want to co-review any of the movies that were on the list for Halloween Havoc, feel free to let me know. Here are the movies for Halloween Havoc:
Psycho III
Scream
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Stephen King's It (the 1990 miniseries)
I'll see you guys next time for more Halloween Havoc. Till next time, my fellow readers