The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic and you're in for a real treat. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic reviews what could be the best superhero movie from Disney. And that movie is the 2005 superhero comedy Sky High. He sees if it's the best movie ever and see how come people are forgetting about it. The Summer of Disney continues with the review of Sky High for The Mayhem Critic. So sit back, relax, grab yourself something cold to drink and enjoy this hilarious review.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Sky High is owned by Walt Disney Pictures and Gunn Films.
The Summer of Disney Part III: Sky High
This Review is Dedicated to the Memory of
KELLY PRESTON
1962-2020
You will be missed.
We open the review with Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. The Mayhem Critic, sitting in his living room with the fan on while trying to stay cool as he opens a can of Sprite Lymonade before taking a sip.
"Man, that's refreshing." Sean said before looking at the camera. "Oh, wait. I'm on."
Sean clears his throat and sits his can of pop down on the coffee table.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "And welcome back to…"
Loud-Booming Voice: THE SUMMER OF DISNEY!
"And you're all in for a real treat for today. Okay, who loves superheroes?" Sean asked.
Audience: We do!
"And who loves superhero movies?" Sean asked.
Audience: We all do!
"Who wants to watch a superhero movie with me?" Sean asked.
Audience: We do!
"Who wants to watch a superhero movie from Disney?" Sean asked.
Audience: Yeah! (Confused) What?
"Yeah!" Sean exclaimed with a smile on his face.
(Pictures of Kurt Russell as Jack Burton from Big Trouble in Little China, Kelly Preston as Marnie Mason from Twins, Danielle Panabaker as Killer Frost from The Flash, Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman and Bruce Campbell as Ash Williams from the Evil Dead franchise are shown)
Sean: (V/O) A Disney movie about a high school for superheroes and it stars Disney veteran Kurt Russell, Kelly Preston, Danielle Panabaker, Lynda Carter and Bruce Campbell.
"Well, I got the perfect movie for you: SKY HIGH!" Sean cheered out.
(The title screen for the movie is shown and with clips from the movie while the song "I Melt With You" by Bowling With Soup plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Sky High was released in theaters on July 29th, 2005. And for those of you who enjoy that movie lose their shit thinking that I'm going to talk bad about the movie, let me just say this: I happen to love that movie. I love how this movie is a parody of superhero things. It's a funny comedy with an original idea that for some reason people nobody even remembers. And nobody doesn't even talk about the movie. You could be talking with your friends and start talking about movies and when you mention that movie, they'll be like: "Sky What?". I'm sure there are people out there that remember that movie.
"So, let's take a look at Sky High and see if it's a clever comedy or just a forgotten film." Sean said.
(The film starts as we see comic book art styling of a city before eventually showing two superheroes in the shadows standing on top of a skyscraper, the page turns and in the panel we see that they're revealed to be the Commander and Jetstream)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie opens with some comic book art and some amazing music, as we're introduced to the two superheroes of the movie, and the person who's providing the narration named Will Stronghold.
Will Stronghold (Played by Michael Angarano): (Narrating) In a world full of superheroes, there are two that stand about the rest, the Commander and Jetstream. His super-strength makes him pretty much indestructible and she has the power of supersonic flight, along with the total mastery of unarmed combat.
"Ah, don't you just love how the person is telling the story for you in a superhero movie? Why couldn't he just get straight to the point?" Sean asked.
(As Will tells the story, we go to the next page where we learn that by day, they live as Steve and Josie Stronghold, the top real estate agents of the city of Maxville)
Sean: (Narrating) He tells the story about two superheroes named the Commander and Jetstream. By day, they're the best damn real estate agents of Maxville, but when duty calls, they're the Commander and Jetstream and we learn that they're Will's parents.
Will Stronghold: (Narrating) You look at them and see the defenders of the world. All I see is my dad wearing tights. Don't get me wrong, it can be cool to have superhero parents.
"Hey, man. It is awesome to have superhero parents. But unless you're Bruce Wayne and your son is Damian Wayne. Well, he's Bruce's problem. Damian was an asshole in Injustice 2. Hated his guts, man." Sean said.
(We cut to the Stronghold House, where we see Will trying to lift weights in his room, preparing for his first day of high school)
Will Stronghold: Here we go.
Sean: (Narrating) We're introduced to Will Stronghold, played by Michael Angarano, who will end up playing Walt Disney in an episode of Comedy Central's Drunk History. He prepares for his first day of high school, but there's one teeny tiny little problem with will.
Will Stronghold: (Narrating) I just have one small problem.
Will Stronghold: (Struggling while trying to lift weights) Come on. (Grunts) Come on.
"Turns out he hasn't developed his superpowers yet. Dude, Jack-Jack from The Incredibles developed his superpowers when he was a baby. You're just a late bloomer." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will's parents Steve and Josie Stronghold, played by Kurt Russell and the late Kelly Preston, are ecstatic about their son's first day of high school and Steve decides to give his son a little pep talk.
Steve Stronghold (Played by Kurt Russell): I just want you to know how proud I am that you'll be attending my alma mater, and someday following me into that family business.
Will Stronghold: Real estate?
Steve Stronghold: Right. (Winks) Real estate. On a more serious not, Son, I know every kid thinks his dad is invincible and I nearly am, but who knows? Maybe next time I punch a meteor hurtling towards Earth I'll be the one who shatters into a million pieces.
"Well, there's that or saving President Donald Pleasence from Isaac Hayes and getting him out of New York." Sean said as a picture of Snake Plissken from Escape from New York is shown.
Steve Stronghold: Oh! Hey!
(Steve tosses the weight over to Will, which knocks him down to the bed and ends up breaking his bed. We cut to Josie, who looks up after hearing a sound)
Sean: (V/O as Josie Stronghold) Oh, I've told that husband of mine to take it easy with him.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Will's friend Layla, played by Danielle Panabaker, has come to visit so her and Will can walk to the bus stop together.
Josie Stronghold (Played by Kelly Preston): Are you hungry? I've got plenty of eggs, bacon…
Layla (Played by Danielle Panabaker): No, thanks. You know how my mom can communicate with animals? Apparently they don't like being eaten.
"Oh, dear. That's good to know. That reminds me, I have a couple of porterhouse steaks in the freezer that I was going to cook for me and Taylor tonight. Guess, I'm gonna have to throw them out and order a cheese pizza from Papa Johns." Sean said.
Steve Stronghold: Oh, hi, Layla.
Layla: Good morning, Commander.
Steve Stronghold: Commander, huh?
(Layla points out that Steve's glasses are off)
Steve Stronghold: Oh. Thanks, Layla.
"Oh, come on! Haven't you ever learned from Superman? But then again, why hasn't anyone recognized who Clark Kent really is with the glasses on? They can easily put two and two together. Glasses can't keep your identity hidden. See? Look." Sean said as he puts his glasses on. "I have my glasses on. Can you recognize me?"
Audience Member: Yeah, you're Andre the Black Nerd!
"Moving on!" Sean yelled out as he takes his glasses off.
Josie Stronghold: I can't believe you and Will are starting high school. It seems like just yesterday you two were swimming naked in the kiddie pool.
(Will enters the kitchen)
Will Stronghold: Mom!
"God, mom! Why did you have to bring that up in front of the girl who's obviously my love interest for the movie?" Sean asked, imitating Will.
Sean: (Narrating) Steve and Josie get a phone call from the Mayor about a disaster happening downtown, so they fly into action as the Commander and Jetstream while Will and Layla are watching on TV where for some reason Big Guy from Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot (A picture of Big Guy is shown next to the robot) is attacking the city
(Jetstream flies around the giant robot)
The Commander: Release!
Jetstream: Launch!
(The Commander flies right into the giant robot's chest, destroying it)
"Well, that was one easy fight. I was expecting a big battle and a destroyed city." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Will and Layla right when the bus arrives and they're greeted by a friendly bus driver by the name of Ron Wilson, played by Farva from Super Troopers (Kevin Heffernan).
Will Stronghold: Is this the bus to Sky High?
Ron Wilson Bus Driver (Played by Kevin Heffernan): Shhhhhh! What, are you crazy? (Shuts the door) I guess you want every supervillain in the neighborhood to know we're here?
Will Stronghold: No. No. Sorry.
(Ron stops Will)
Ron Wilson Bus Driver: What's your name, freshman?
Will Stronghold: Will Stronghold.
Ron Wilson Bus Driver: (Gulps) The son of the Commander and Jetstream?
"And he's gonna start fanboying right now like every other superhero fanboy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will and Layla are also greeted by two other freshmen of Sky High named Ethan played by Dee-Jay Daniels and Magenta played by Kelly Vitz.
Ethan (Played by Dee-Jay Daniels): You're third generation, man. Magenta, get up.
Magenta (Played by Kelly Vitz): Why? He only needs one seat.
Ethan: (Points to Layla) So he can sit with his girlfriend.
Will Stronghold: Layla? No, she's just my friend.
Layla: Yeah, totally. He's like my brother.
"Yeah, just wait. By the end of the movie, you two are totally going to end up together." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And who can forget that person who dresses up as a wannabe rapper. This is Zach, played by Nicholas Braun. Don't ask me why he looks like that creepy Albino guy from Foul Play. And now, they're on their way to Sky High.
Ron Wilson Bus Driver: Next stop, Sky High!
(Ron drives the bus on a road that's closed)
Layla: Where are we?
(The handlebars come down and the passengers are strapped in)
"What the hell kind of bus ride is this?" Sean asked.
Ron Wilson Bus Driver: We're going off-road.
"And by "off-road", you mean…" Sean said.
(Ron drives the bus off of the road as everybody screams)
"OH, MY GOD! THIS JUST GOT DARK FROM 0 TO 100!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) Actually, this bus flies. And it takes them to Sky High, a floating high school which is miles up in the air and above the clouds. After that awesome bus ride, Will and their friends experience the first day of high school until they come across Lash and his pal Speed, played by Jake Sandvig and Will Harris.
"Think of them as the Bulk and Skull of the movie." Sean said.
(The Bulk and Skull theme from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers plays in the background)
Lash (Played by Jake Sandvig): I'm Lash. This is Speed.
Speed (Played by Will Harris): And as representatives of the Sky High welcoming committee, we'd be happy to collect that $15 new student fee.
(Lash stretches his arm out at Ethan)
Ethan: There was nothing about a new student fee in the handbook.
"Ugh! High school bullies. Trying to take money from innocent freshmen. I hate bullies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But before Bulk and Skull take money from the freshmen of Sky High, a student by the name of Gwen Grayson, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who's the student body president, introduces herself. And immediately Will gets smitten by her.
(Layla notices Will checking out Gwen while the love theme from Dumb and Dumber plays in the background while Gwen is talking)
Gwen Grayson (Played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead) I've just had the greatest experience…
(Will continues to check out Gwen)
"I think John McClane's daughter is giving me a massive boner right now." Sean said, imitating Will.
Gwen Grayson: If you can just remember those few simple rules, I promise you will not fall off the edge of the school.
"Huh? What about falling? I'm sorry. I was distracted by your pure beauty. And having an erotic though about you." Sean said.
"Sean, where are the steaks?" Taylor asked.
"They were all out of steaks!" Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They enter the school gymnasium, where they're greeted by the principal of Sky High, Principal Powers played by…
"Oh, my God! That's Lynda Carter!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) I'm not kidding. That's Wonder Woman herself, Lynda Carter.
Audience Member: But Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman!
"This is before Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman. Lynda Carter played Wonder Woman before her and it was in 1975. Want me to talk about the Wonder Woman TV show from the '70s?" Sean asked.
Audience Member: No.
"Good. Let's continue this review." Sean said.
Principal Powers (Played by Lynda Carter) On behalf of all the faculty and staff, welcome to Sky High!
Zach (Played by Nicholas Braun): Yeah!
(Principal Powers gives him a look)
"Please forgive him, Ms. Carter. He was a little to excited about the fact that Wonder Woman is the principal of the school. Hell, I would be too." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, so you have Snake Plissken, Killer Frost and the Huntress from Birds of Prey in the same movie. If this movie gets anymore awesome…
Coach Boomer (Played by Bruce Campbell): All right. Listen up. My name is Coach Boomer.
"YEEEEAAAHHHHHH, BAAABBBYYY!" Sean yelled out, imitating Ash Williams from Army of Darkness.
Sean: (Narrating) Bruce Campbell plays the school's coach Coach Boomer, also known as "Sonic Boom", and I have to say that he's the best part of the whole movie.
"Having Ash Williams as your high school coach would be the most awesome thing ever." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Coach Boomer has the freshmen go through Power Placement, it's a test that will determine whether you will be a hero or a sidekick based on your abilities. If you have an awesome ability, you're a hero. If you have a sucky ability, then you'll be placed in the sidekick category.
Coach Boomer: So, let's get one thing straight. My word is law. My judgment is final, so there will be no whiner babies. Are we clear? I said, are we... (loud, booming voice) clear?!
Everyone: Yes, Coach Boomer!
Coach Boomer: Go time!
(A clip from Evil Dead II is shown)
Ash Williams (Played by Bruce Campbell): Groovy.
(Larry turns into a rock man)
Coach Boomer: Car!
(Coach Boomer drops a car on Larry. Larry catches the car)
Coach Boomer: Big Larry. Hero!
Zach: So he's good. But I'm better.
Coach Boomer: Did I say you were next?
"And this gives Zach a chance to make an ass out of himself and verify himself as the class douche." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Zach goes up to show off his power, which he claims he can glow in the dark, but nothing is happening.
Coach Boomer: Any day now, superstar.
Zach: I'm doin' it.
Coach Boomer: Doin' what?
Zach: I'm glowin'.
"God, kid. You're an embarrassment to yourself and every freshman. Where's the boomstick at so I can shoot that kid?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We also see that Ethan tends to be a kiss-ass and he has the ability to melt, which doesn't impress Coach Boomer, which means he's put in with the sidekicks. You also have Magenta, who has the ability to shapeshift into a guinea pig. Yeah, not impressive. As for Layla, well she has the power to control to manipulate plant life.
Layla: Uh, I believe in only using my powers when the situation demands it.
"Look, sweetie. We get it. You're a pacifist and you're trying to make a statement. Just show off your power." Sean said.
Layla: But to participate in this test would be to support a flawed system. I think the whole hero-sidekick dichotomy only serves to…
"We get it! You're a hippie and you're starting to piss me and Bruce Campbell off. Just show your goddamn power off!" Sean exclaimed.
Coach Boomer: Let me get this straight. Are you refusing to show me your powers?
Layla: It's more complicated than that, I mean...
Coach Boomer: (Loud, booming voice) Sidekick! (Normal) Alright, we'll pick it up right after lunch, right after you.
(Coach Boomer points at Will)
"And it looks like Bruce Campbell has picked out his next victim. You're so dead, kid." Sean said, smirking a bit. "Damn, it's good to be Bruce Campbell."
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile at lunch, Will and his friends notice a certain individual looking at Will.
Zach: Dude.
Will Stronghold: What?
Zach: That's Warren Peace.
(A clip from Disney's House of Mouse is shown)
Hades (Voiced by James Woods): Oy, puns.
Sean: (Narrating) This goth-looking student is Warren Peace, played by Steven Strait from Amazon's The Expanse. We learn that Warren's mother is a hero and his father is a supervillain by the name of Barron Battle. And we learn some history between Will's father and Warren's father.
Ethan: (To Will) Your dad busted his dad. Quadruple life sentence.
Magenta: No chance of parole until after his third life.
Will Stronghold: (Exhales) That's great. It's my first day at Sky High, and I already have an archenemy.
"Hey, it could be your last day if you end up crossing the guy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will bumps into Gwen and almost makes a fool out of himself and he introduces his friends to her.
Will Stronghold: That's Zach.
Zach: What's up?
Will Stronghold: And this is…
Gwen Grayson: Layla. Got it.
(Layla smiles at Gwen)
Gwen Grayson: I'm Gwen.
Layla: Hi.
Gwen Grayson: I love your skirt.
Layla: Thanks.
"Okay, I know that there are some people working on a Killer Frost/Huntress lesbian story for Fanfiction right about now. I want someone to do that right away. Hell, even do a Layla/Gwen lesbian story. Let me check." Sean said as he checks Fanfiction on his laptop. "Let's see. I found a couple. There's Super Twisted. There's also A Cabin Horror Romance. Aha! There's a perfect one: Crazy Love. I got a perfect one for me to work on. Petal Lovers, a steamy Layla/Gwen lesbian fanfic. And I know I got one for the Netflix show The Babysitters Club involving Kristy and Stacy."
Gwen Grayson: Hey, listen. I need a freshman rep for the Homecoming committee. So, if you'd be interested we could talk about it over lunch sometime.
Will Stronghold: I eat lunch.
Gwen Grayson: (Laughing) How cute is he?
"Why don't we forget about lunch and how about I eat your p…" Sean said.
(A clip from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is shown)
Professor Severus Snape (Played by Alan Rickman): Silence!
"Aaaah! Sorry! I know, I wanted to make that dirty joke." Sean said.
(Will enters the restroom and hears the toilet flushing as Ethan steps out of the stall along with Speed and Lash as they throw his bookbag and a roll of toilet paper at him)
Ethan: See you. And thanks for the swirly.
(Ethan leaves out of the restroom)
Will Stronghold: What's up, guys?
(The Bulk and Skull theme plays)
Speed: The kid looked a little dehydrated.
(A clip from Disney's House of Mouse is shown)
Hades: Oy, puns.
Sean: (Narrating) So, now it's Will's turn at Power Placement. Instead of showing his powers to Coach Boomer. He tells him that he doesn't know what his powers are. And instead of rejecting him like Zach, Bruce Campbell tries to kill him.
Coach Boomer: Car!
(He drops a car on Will and we cut to black. We see the word "The End" on the screen while the Looney Tunes theme plays)
Sean: (Narrating) All right, all right, all right. That didn't happen.
Will Stronghold: Are you insane? I don't have super-strength!
(Coach Boomer gets the car off of Will)
Coach Boomer: Oh, I get it. You're a flyer, just like your ma. Why didn't you say so?
(Coach Boomer presses a button, sending Will flying towards a wall)
"Jesus Christ, that was brutal! Dude, just be glad that he didn't have you dodging bullets." Sean said.
(A clip from Evil Dead II is shown)
Ash Williams: Swallow this.
(Ash fires his boomstick before cutting back to the movie as we see Will flying back towards a wall and we hear the goat scream sound effect)
Coach Boomer: What's your power?
Will Stronghold: I don't have one.
Coach Boomer: Stronghold… (loud, booming voice) SIDEKICK!
(Coach Boomer's loud, booming voice causes everything to break like the mirror in the girl's restroom and the windows on Ron's bus)
"Holy crap! With a loud booming voice like that, he'll end up causing a nuclear explosion. Now that I think about it, let me check." Sean said.
The young critic gets up off of the couch and walks over to the window, surveying the amount of damage that Coach Boomer's voice caused.
"Yikes. Well…. Shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will gets sent to the nurse's office, where he is examined by Nurse Spex, played by Cloris Leachman.
"For those of you who are fans of Young Frankenstein, she played Frau Blucher. And for the younger crowd, for those of you who watch Girl Meets World, she played Mrs. Svorski." Sean said.
Audience Member #1: Yay!
(Audience applauds)
Audience Member #2: I love Girl Meets World!
Sean: (Narrating) Nurse Spex explains to Will why he doesn't have any powers.
Nurse Spex (Played by Cloris Leachman): Many sidekicks are the offspring of one super-parent, (holds up a sucker) and one ordinary parent. (Holds up popsicle stick) Mmm. But there are cases, rare, yet not unheard of, where the child of two super-powered parents. (Holds two suckers in her hand) Mmm-mmm, never acquires any powers whatsoever.
"Okay, that's bullshit. You're making it sound like superpowers are genetics but won't that make that the dominant gene? And if there were two parents, won't both genes get to the son?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Will returns home to give the bad news to his father, in which he takes him to the Secret Sanctum to talk to him. In this case, Steve entrusts his son with the "key" to the Secret Sanctum.
Steve Stronghold: Of course, you must never bring anyone into the Secret Sanctum. That's why it's called the Secret Sanctum.
Will Stronghold: I would never.
"Unless you want to impress a really hot girl, then go for it. She'll be impressed. Look how it turned out for Barbara Gordon when she found out that Bruce Wayne is Batman. No, I will not be playing a clip from Batman & Robin. But I will be showing a clip from the fourth season of Batman: The Animated Series." Sean said.
(A clip from the BTAS episode Old Wounds is shown as Bruce takes Barbara to the Batcave)
Barbara Gordon (Voiced by Tara Strong, credited as Tara Charendoff): Oh, my God.
Alfred (Played by Efrem Zimbalist Jr.): Master Bruce, I… Ms. Gordon, I have noticed you've discovered our little secret. Yes, I admit. I am Batman.
Bruce Wayne (Played by Kevin Conroy): It's alright, Alfred./(To Barbara) Besides, I'm not the only with a secret, am I? Batgirl.
(Barbara is shocked to learn that Bruce knows that she's Batgirl)
Sean: (Narrating) Steve takes Will down to the Secret Sanctum, which looks awesome as hell. They got a pool table and a pinball machine, a friggin' pinball machine. Bruce Wayne wished that he had a pool table and a pinball machine in the Batcave.
(Bruce Wayne from Batman: The Animated Series pops up)
Sean: (V/O as Bruce Wayne) Bullshit.
Sean: (Narrating) Will also notices some of the treasures that his parents collected over the years, call it a trophy room of their greatest battles with some of their greatest enemies.
(Bruce Wayne pops up again)
Sean: (V/O as Bruce Wayne) Uh, I have that.
Steve Stronghold: Ticranium's head. Exo's number one bug bot.
Will Stronghold: And this is, uh…
Steve Stronghold: Royal Pain's Pacifier. That was a great day, Will. The first time your mom and I ever teamed up to fight evildoers.
(A flashback of the Commander and Jetstream teaming up to fight Royal Pain is shown)
Steve Stronghold: (Narrating) As soon as she came smashing through the window, Will, I knew she was the one for me. I wish you could have seen us. We were fantastic! Royal Pain got his and I got the Pacifier.
"Just make sure that it's not the Vin Diesel movie." Sean said, shuddering a bit as the poster for the 2005 movie The Pacifier is shown.
Audience Member: (Offended) Hey, I love that movie.
"Sorry." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And this is Steve's proudest possession and we'll talk more about it later on in the movie. Now, back to Will breaking the news to his father.
Will Stronghold: Oh, um… That I'm going to kick your butt in pool!
Steve Stronghold: Well, we'll see about that!
Will Stronghold: Okay.
"You're scum, kid." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And remember that robot from earlier? Well, it turns out the robot's eye has a camera in it and we have our villain spying on them from an unknown location.
Stitches (Played by Jim Rash): You were right. He took it home. Hey, he's got the ego the size of a giant robot.
(Stitches cackles as the unknown villain grabs him by his throat, choking him)
Stitches: Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!
"My drunk Uncle Wade. I think that's who he's talking about." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, a depressed Will sits up on the roof to mope about not having any powers, until Layla drops by to comfort her fuck buddy, I mean, friend. They're just friends.
Will Stronghold: Turns out I may never get my powers.
Layla: How'd your dad take it?
Will Stronghold: What was I supposed to do? He showed me the Secret Sanctum.
"He also showed me some of his greatest hits. Like the time he was in Antarctica fighting a shape-shifting alien from outer space, the time he saved President Donald Pleasence from the Duke of New York and there was the time he caused some big trouble in little China." Sean said as he imitates Will while referencing some of the John Carpenter films that Kurt Russell starred in.
Will Stronghold: My parents are the greatest superheroes on the planet. Everybody expects greatness from me.
Layla: Well, you are great.
Will Stronghold: Thanks.
Layla: Okay, so you're a sidekick. It's not the end of the world. (Starts growing a branch and plucks an apple from it) When life gives you lemons... (Hands Will an apple)
Will Stronghold: Make apple juice?
Layla: I can't make lemons. I don't know what it is.
"Hey, Layla. Take lessons from Poison Ivy." Sean said as a photo of Poison Ivy from Batman: The Animated Series is shown.
(We cut to a different scene in the movie where a shot is at a dutch angle)
Sean: (Narrating) Also, I would just like to point out that every shot in a movie is at a dutch angle. Look, I know that they're going for a comic book feel to it with the angles, but seriously, guys. Don't overdo it. What are you trying to be like Thor?
(Clips from the movie Thor are shown, showing every scene at a dutch angle)
"And if you think that I'm going to mention a certain movie that overuses the dutch angle shot, then forget it. I'm not going to mention that movie. Nope. Never. Zip. Nada." Sean said as he takes a sip from his Sprite Lymonade.
(A clip from Battlefield Earth is shown)
Terl the Psychlo (Played by John Travolta): While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME. I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
We cut back to Sean right when he does a comedic spit take and almost chokes on his soda after watching that clip from Battlefield Earth.
"GODDAMNIT! Why did you have to play that clip?!" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, we see that Will and his friends are in a class called Hero Support and it's being taught by Mr. Boy, played by Flik (Dave Foley) from A Bug's Life and he's here to help each and every one of them to become the very best hero support that they can be.
"Boy, sounds like a fun class." Sean said while sounding disinterested.
Mr. Boy (Played by Dave Foley): Without hero support, why, there wouldn't be any heroes. All right, there probably would be heroes, but they would be very lonely. Lonely heroes, indeed. And... (Sees that Zach is raising his hand) Yes?
Zach: Yeah, um... When do we pick our names and costumes? Because I call dibs on "Zach Attack".
"Uh, yeah. I have a question: when can I beat the shit out of you?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, it turns out that Mr. Boy, also known as All-American Boy, was paired with Will's father, the Commander.
Will Stronghold: (Raises his hand) Excuse me. I didn't know you worked for the Commander.
Mr. Boy: I worked with the Commander. We were a team, Mr... Mr... Stronghold. (Looks at the clipboard) Stronghold? You're Steve's son?
Will Stronghold: Yeah.
Mr. Boy: And he never mentioned me to you?
Will Stronghold: I don't think so.
Mr. Boy: Makes sense. That makes perfect sense because the Commander does not have time to sit around flipping through scrapbooks that I took the time to make for him.
(A clip from Batman & Robin is shown)
Batman (Played by George Clooney): This is why Superman works alone.
"Son of a bitch!" Sean yelled out.
(The lights are turned off and there's an explosion)
Sean: (Narrating) An explosion rocked the classroom, (sees that Zach glows in the dark) and what do you know, turns out Zach actually glows in the dark. And then we're introduced to the science teacher by the name of Mr. Medulla, or should I call him the Leader's twin brother, if he's not green (a picture of The Leader from The Incredible Hulk animated series is shown). He's played by Kevin McDonald.
Mr. Medulla (Played by Kevin McDonald): Greetings. Little misfire in the Mad Science Lab. No need to panic unless you're a single cell organism.
Mr. Boy: Mr. Medulla, we in hero support are trained never to panic.
"And we he have two of the cast members of The Kids in the Hall in the movie. I swear, if they add Bruce McCullough, Mark McKinney and Scott Thompson in this movie, then you'll have one hell of a reunion." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, we then get a little montage of Mr. Boy teaching them to be sidekicks and all that good stuff.
Mr. Boy: Go!
(Zach runs through the changing tent, and steps out in only his boxers and sneakers)
Mr. Boy: Go back.
Sean: (Narrating) And later, we see that Will and his friends are having a little study session at his house and Zach brings up the one legitimate thing in this movie.
Will Stronghold: Okay, number one. "A radioactive zombie is charging at your hero. Do you hand him A, his silver-tipped crossbow. B, a wooden spike. C…"
Zach: You, that so weak, man. I'm already holding his crossbow. Why can't I just shoot him myself?
"Yeah, enjoy that little "Zach Moment", my friends. You're not going to get another one like that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will's father returns home and he finally has the cojones to tell him the truth. And as we all know by Disney logic, it's pretty awkward at first.
Will Stronghold: Well, actually, he's a sidekick.
The Commander: Oh! Well, that makes sense.
Will Stronghold: Yeah. Actually, they're all sidekicks.
The Commander: Good for you, Son. A kid of your stature hanging out with a bunch of sidekicks as a freshman? I didn't have the guts. And I can only imagine what your grandfather would have said if I'd brought some of them home
"They could've added the grandfather into the movie. That would've been hilarious." Sean said.
Will Stronghold: So, then, you'd be fine with… ...if I was a sidekick.
The Commander: Well, yeah, sure, I guess.
Will Stronghold: Well, that's good then, because I am.
The Commander: Am what?
Will Stronghold: A sidekick.
The Commander: Who is?
Will Stronghold: Me!/Dad, I'm a sidekick, okay? I washed out of Power Placement.
The Commander: Washed out! Boomer.
"Boomer's gonna know what my name is… and my name is Snake." Sean said, imitating Snake Plissken while holding an MP5 submachine gun with a silencer attached to it.
The Commander: I'm calling the school. The tuition we pay them!
(The Commander tries to dial the number, but ends up breaking the phone. He opens a kitchen drawer and pulls out another phone)
"Okay, that was pretty funny." Sean said as he starts laughing.
Sean: (Narrating) Will then tells his father that he doesn't have any powers and Will makes an award-winning speech about being a sidekick.
Will Stronghold: I'm proud to be a sidekick. Actually, I'm proud to be hero support.
"Yeah, get used to being a sidekick, buddy. It won't end well. Take a look at Batman and Robin." Sean said.
(A clip from Batman: The Animated Series is shown. It's the episode Old Wounds)
Robin (Voiced by Loren Lester): The game's over, Batman! I quit.
(Robin walks away)
Batman: Robin, wait.
(Robin punches Batman in the face)
Sean: (Narrating) With Will being proud to be a sidekick, this doesn't sit well with Steve as him and Josie talk about their son's lack of powers and I have to say that this scene has a funny moment in it that I like.
Josie Stronghold: You think I didn't want to see my son fly?
Steve Stronghold: Or have super-strength?
Josie Stronghold: Or fly? But we can't change who he is, not without dropping him in a vat of toxic waste.
(Steve takes his glasses off before saying a word)
Josie Stronghold: Steve!
Steve Stronghold: Oh, no, no. Where would we even find a vat of…
Josie Stronghold: Steve!
"I don't want you to turn my son into some laughing maniac that kills people." Sean said, imitating Josie while a picture of the Joker from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown.
Josie Stronghold: Okay, so maybe we won't be the Stronghold 3, the greatest family of superheroes the world has ever known. But we will be the Stronghold 3, the greatest family the world has ever known.
Steve Stronghold: You're right. You're right. And he can always go into real estate!
"That way he can sell me an awesome house for me and my girlfriend to move into." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day at school, Will is about to have some lunch until Bulk Jr. and Skull Jr. decide to start a little fight between Will and Warren.
Will Stronghold: Sorry.
Warren Peace (Played by Steven Strait): You will be.
Will Stronghold: Let's not do this.
Warren Peace: You think you can do whatever you want just 'cause your name's Stronghold?
Will Stronghold: I'm sorry that my dad put your dad in jail, but…
(Warren grabs Will by his shirt)
Warren Peace: Nobody talks about my father.
"Yo, can we just smoke a peace pipe and just get along, please?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We also see that Warren here is a pyrokinetic, that means he can create and control fire with his mind. So, a fight breaks out in the cafeteria and it becomes Mortal Kombat up in this bitch.
Layla: Mr. Boy, do something!
(Mr. Boy is seen sipping on a cup)
Mr. Boy: I'm on it!
(Mr. Boy throws the cup down and runs out of the cafeteria. We then cut to him running down the halls calling for Principal Powers. His lines are replaced by Flik's lines from A Bug's Life)
Mr. Boy: (With Flik's voice) Princess Atta! Princess Atta! Princess Atta!
Sean: (Narrating) So, Warren tries to kill Will in the cafeteria with some fireballs while everybody watches without trying to stop the fight, until his friends step in to stop Warren, until something unexpected happens to Will.
Will Stronghold: (Picking up a cafeteria table) Leave them alone!
(Will grunts as he picks up the cafeteria table. Everyone is shocked to see that Will has super-strength)
Layla: He's strong!
Will Stronghold: I'm strong?
Gwen Grayson: He's super-strong.
"Turns out that Will starting to get his powers. And it also turns out that Layla and Gwen both want to ride his super-boner." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The fight continues as Will manages to get the upper hand on Warren by putting him out with the fire extinguisher, until they both end up getting in serious trouble as Principal Powers places both Will and Warren in detention.
(Warren tries to use his powers on Will. Nothing is happening)
Principal Powers: Don't bother. The Detention Room neutralizes all super-powers. Sit.
(Will and Warren both sit down at their desks)
Principal Powers: Here at Sky High, we do everything we can to teach you how to use your powers. But what you do with them, now that's up to you. Living up to your father's reputation, or trying to live it down is a sad waste of talent. Your talent. Try to keep that in mind the next time you're about to do something stupid.
"Damn, don't fuck with Lynda Carter. She'll go all Wonder Woman on your ass. Why wasn't she my principal in high school? That would've been awesome!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, I guess it means for Will to make peace with Warren Peace.
Will Stronghold: Whatever happened with our dads, it has nothing to do with us. What do you say? (Tries to shake Warren's hand)
Warren Peace: I say if you ever cross me again, I'll roast you alive.
"Guess not." Sean said. "What an asshole."
Sean: (Narrating) After school, Will returns home to give his parents the great news about him getting his powers, but his parents are not so enthusiastic about the news.
Will Stronghold: Look, it's not… it's not as bad as it sounds. It's actually a really funny, great story.
Josie Stronghold: You nearly destroyed the cafeteria.
Will Stronghold: Yeah, but, Mom… I got my powers!
Josie Stronghold: And do you know how to use them wisely?
Steve Stronghold: Sanctum. Now.
"I'm about to drop some Uncle Ben/Jonathan Kent-style wisdom on your ass." Sean said, imitating Steve Stronghold.
(We cut to Steve and Will at the Secret Sanctum)
Steve Stronghold: William Theodore Stronghold… …come here!
Will Stronghold: You're not mad?
Steve Stronghold: My boy has super-strength! How can I be mad?
(Steve hugs Will as he hear Will's bones cracking. Will groans in pain)
Steve Stronghold: Sorry.
(Will hugs Steve back. We hear Steve's bones cracking and he groans in pain)
Steve Stronghold: You are strong!
"And Steve is taking the news pretty well." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And what does Will get out of this? He gets an Xbox. A friggin' Xbox!
"Damn, I wish I could get something for destroying something." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But we see that our mysterious villain, voiced by Patrick Warburton, who's sounding a tad bit like James Earl Jones as Darth Vader, is spying on our heroes once more.
Mysterious Villain (Voiced by Patrick Warburton): The boy has Stronghold's powe. It's almost poetic.
Stitches: We should crush them now. We know he has the weapon.
Mysterious Villain: Patience! We've waited this long. When the time is right, we'll have our revenge.
Stitches: You know, time would move a lot faster if we had an Xbox.
(The Mysterious Villain ends up grabbing Stitches by the throat)
Stitches: (Groans) Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!
"I swear, he's calling for my Uncle Wade. If he ends up crashing this review and getting drunk, so help me God." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Will's friends are happy that Will made sidekick history because of him having his powers. Then, why is he still stuck in the classroom with the rest of the sidekicks, but unfortunately, he gets transferred to the Hero class. Boy, Disney. Have you stoop so low? Anyway, Will gets transferred to the Hero class with the rest of the heroes and he's paired up with that hottie Gwen Grayson. And did I mention her power?
(Gwen uses her powers to build a freeze ray)
Will Stronghold: How'd you do that?
Gwen Grayson: I'm a Technopath. I can control technology with my mind.
Will Stronghold: Wow. All I can do is punch stuff.
(Gwen and Will both laugh)
Mr. Medulla: Yet he'll be the one on cereal boxes. Show me the justice in that.
"Hey, I take offense at that. You better watch yourself, big brain. Batman had his own cereal. Also, I would just like to point out that Gwen can control technology with her mind. Which means she can build herself a sex toy and use it to think about Will." Sean said.
Gwen Grayson: You know, I can totally help you out with all this science stuff.
Will Stronghold: Yeah, you'd do that?
Gwen Grayson: Mmm-hmm. I could be, like, your private tutor.
Will Stronghold: Cool.
"And let's check out the Gwen/Will fanfics on Fanfiction." Sean said, grabbing his laptop once more. "There's Gwen's Stronghold and there's Shifting Sides. Boy, the lack of Gwen/Will fanfics on this site. And let's look at some of my ideas that I came up with."
Sean switches to Google Docs, where he keeps a list of fanfic ideas.
"There Private Tutor, a steamy Will/Gwen fanfic. Popular Enough. And then there, Strength of Seduction. I've got plenty more." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And because of Will's hero status, it comes with some adjustments to Will's social standings, keeping him socially distant with them.
Penny (Played by Malika): No offense, Will, but we are not running a loser outreach program. Okay?
(The other Pennys laugh)
"Boy, you are fifty shades of bitch right there." Sean said.
(A clip from King of the Hill is shown)
Hank Hill (Voiced by Mike Judge): What a bitch.
Sean: (Narrating) Feeling bad that he couldn't sit with his friends, Will offers to make it up to Layla by taking her out to dinner at the Paper Lantern at 8:00, but then Ethan gets bullied by Lash and Speed and Will puts a stop to this.
(The Bulk and Skull theme starts playing in the background)
Lash: You just think you're so big and bad, huh, Stronghold?
Will Stronghold: No, I don't.
Ethan: Please! Will will totally take you.
Zach: You saw what happened to Warren? You want a piece of that?
Speed: You better watch it, Stronghold. That big mouth is gonna get you in a lot of trouble.
Will Stronghold: I didn't say anything.
"It's these two idiots behind me that couldn't keep their fucking mouths shut." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And because of Ethan and Zach's big mouths, Lash and Speed challenge Will to Save the Citizen in PE. Great job, dumbasses. That kid barely knows how to use his powers. We then cut to PE where they play a little game called Save the Citizen, it's when two boys who are enemies who are forced to become allies and they must save the citizen before the timer runs out. And guess who's gonna work together?
Coach Boomer: All right, who do you want to beat next?
Speed: All right. We'll take little Stronghold, and let's see.
Lash: And we pick Peace!
"Oh, what a surprise." Sean said nonchalantly.
Mr. Boy: (To Mr. Medulla) Remember when we used to use real citizens?
Mr. Medulla: (Laughs) Yes. Yes.
"They used real citizens back then? I can't imagine the gory results. It didn't look pretty." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Save the Citizen begins as Will and Warren must work together to, you guessed it, save the citizen. All while Speed and Lash are trying to stop them.
"As much as I like Michael Giacchino's music score for the movie, I'm going to replace that music with the American Gladiators theme." Sean said as he presses a button on the remote.
(The American Gladiators theme by Bill Conti plays in the background while the scene plays on. After that, Will slams his fist down on the ground, which sends Lash flying to a bench and Speed flying into a mailbox. Will grabs Lash and ties him up to a pole)
"Hey, Lash. What's your favorite movie? Mine's Tangled!" Sean exclaimed as a comedic rimshot is heard.
Sean: (Narrating) With time running out, Will gets ready to save the citizen, but he sees that Speed is running around Warren in circles, that means…
(Speed runs around Warren faster in circles, making Warren gasp for air)
Mr. Medulla: The vortex sucks away the oxygen. No oxygen, no flame.
(Warren continues to gasp for air while Will sees that there's 20 seconds on the clock)
Coach Boomer: Come on!
Citizen: Save me. Save me.
(Will rushes over Warren. He grabs Speed and lets him go, making him run into Lash as the sound effect from Bulk and Skull's theme plays. Will grabs Warren and throws him to the citizen as everyone in the gymnasium counts down on the clock. We see that Warren has caught the citizen just in time)
Coach Boomer: (Blows his whistle) Time! She's alive! Heroes win!
(Everyone cheers for Will and Warren. Will tries to help out Warren, but Warren gets up on his own and walks away from Will)
"Thanks for saving my bacon, Will. Hey! No problemo, Warren!" Sean said, imitating Warren and Will before speaking in his normal voice. "And if you didn't get that joke, this clip will show you where I got it from."
(A clip from the episode Night of the Ninja from Batman: The Animated Series is shown)
Robin: (Imitating Batman) Thanks for saving my bacon, Robin. (Normal voice) Hey! No problemo, Batman!
Sean: (Narrating) After getting in with the heroes, Will invites Gwen over for dinner. Uh, but what about Layla?
(We cut to Layla at the Paper Lantern sitting alone by herself at a booth)
Sean: (Narrating) Uh, dude. You're forgetting about your date with Layla.
"Oh, wait. It's not a date. They're just friends." Sean said before busting out in a fit of laughter.
Sean: (Narrating) But a lonely Layla is accompanied by Warren Peace, who's working as a busboy at the Paper Lantern. What a surprise. So with Will ditching her, Layla has Warren to join her so they can talk.
Layla: So then there was this time in first grade. You know how you grow lima beans in school? Well, Will couldn't figure out why mine was growing so quickly. It was driving him crazy. So finally I took mercy on him and I told him about my powers. We've been best friends ever since.
Warren Peace: And falling for him, was that before or after the lima beans?
Layla: What? I am not in love with Will Strong… Is it that obvious?
"Well, duh? You're practically in love with him. Stupid-ass." Sean said. "Why couldn't you tell him?"
(A picture of Gwen Grayson is shown)
"Oh, yeah. Her." Sean said.
Warren Peace: Know what I think? To let true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart.
Layla: Wow. That is really deep.
Warren Peace: Yeah. And your lucky numbers are four, sixteen, five and forty-nine.
"Hey, I have something that's deep right here. "It's a great big universe and we're all really puny. We're just tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney. It's big and black and inky, and we're all small and dinky. It's a big universe and it's ours." Yakko Warner, Animaniacs." Sean said.
Audience Member: Wow, that's deep, man.
Sean: (Narrating) Will walks Gwen home after having dinner with his parents and she decides to ask him something regarding the Homecoming dance.
Will Stronghold: You mean you don't have a date for Homecoming?
Gwen Grayson: Well, I've gotten a few offers, but I turned them down. I'm just waiting for the right guy.
Will Stronghold: Oh.
Gwen Grayson: You, Will.
Will Grayson: Me?
(A clip from Family Guy is shown)
Peter Griffin (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane): What a dumbass!
(Peter, Lois, Meg and Chris start laughing)
(Gwen and Will get ready to kiss until Gwen's father, Mr. Grayson, opens the door)
Gwen Grayson: Oh, hi, Daddy. Bye, Will.
Will Stronghold: Bye.
Mr. Grayson (Played by Jim Rash): You're not that boy with the six arms, are you?
Will Stronghold: No, sir. Just two.
Mr. Grayson: Well, keep them to yourself.
Will Stronghold: Yes, sir.
"Boy, Dean Pelton can be an overprotective parent." Sean said as a picture of Jim Rash as Dean Pelton from the NBC show Community is shown. "Kid, just be glad that this guy isn't her father." Sean said.
(A clip from Live Free or Die Hard is shown. Mind you, it's from the unrated version of the movie)
John McClane (Played by Bruce Willis): Yippie-kay-yay, motherfucker!
(McClane shoots himself in the shoulder, causing the bullet to go through him and into Gabriel, killing him)
(Gwen gets out of the house and gives Will a quick kiss on the cheek)
Will Stronghold: Yes!
(Will jumps in joy and swings around the lamppost, which he ends up pulling down with his super-strength
Will Stronghold: Man!
"Nice job, doughface. That's coming out of your allowance." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the mysterious villain, he learns about Homecoming, which is the perfect place for him to exact his revenge.
Mysterious Villain: There's only one thing we're missing!
Stitches: (Sees that the camera is on King Kamehamayhem's surfboard) King Kamehamayhem's surfboard?
Mysterious Villain: (Moves the camera over to the Pacifier) Darn this joystick!
Stitches: Oh! Right, right. The Pacifier. Hey, smooth move on the joystick.
(The mysterious villain tries to grab Stitches by his throat. Stitches stops his hand with his and laughs, but the mysterious villain uses his other hand to grab him by his throat)
Stitches: Uncle! Uncle! Uncle.
"Okay, if my Uncle Wade shows up at my house because of this character saying uncle, I am going to jump through the television and rip out his…" Sean said.
A knock on the front door is heard as Sean looks over to see who it is.
"Hey Sean, it's your Uncle Wade! Hope you got enough beer for me." Uncle Wade announced.
"FUCK!" Sean shouted as he ducked down for cover.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Will meets up with Layla at the bus stop and apologizes to her about ditching her last night and for being the biggest jerk in the world. Layla decides to tell Will about how she feels about him, but Will has some news for her.
Will Stronghold: It's about Homecoming.
Layla: Really? Me, too.
Will Stronghold: I'm going with Gwen Grayson. Can you believe it? Me, a freshman, going with the most amazing girl at Sky High
Layla: That's awesome!
"Oh, my God. This kid is a complete moron!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, I wonder how he'll react to who Layla is taking to Homecoming.
Will Stronghold: Who with?
Layla: Who with?
Will Stronghold: Yeah. Who asked you?
Layla: Oh, who asked me? Warren Peace.
(We cut to the school)
Will Stronghold: Warren Peace? You can't be serious. Layla, the guy's a psycho, and he's my biggest enemy! H-how could you go with him? When did you even start hanging out?
Layla: Last night, 8:00, the Paper Lantern.
"Uh, yeah. Will, have you ever heard of the word "jealousy"? God, this is like watching a bad episode of Pretty Little Liars. Imagine Caleb going out with Spencer to make Hanna jealous. Wait, that did happen on the show. Not the jealousy thing. But the Spaleb thing. And mentioning Spaleb almost gave me a heart attack. Ow, saying the ship name "Spaleb" is giving me chest pains. Ow." Sean said, rubbing his chest.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Layla is trying to make Will jealous by making him think that she has a thing for Warren Peace, which he plays along.
"Okay, here's some of my Sky High erotic fanfic ideas." Sean said as he clears his throat. "Stronghold 3some, a Will/Layla/Gwen threesome fanfic, White Hot Flame, a Layla/Warren Peace fanfic, Green with Envy, a Layla/Gwen lesbian fanfic. Here's a good one: Red Comet, an erotic spy thriller featuring Noah Flynn and Elle Evans… Oh, wait. That's my fanfic idea for The Kissing Booth when I get a chance to watch that movie and it's sequel on Netflix. Because my girlfriend keeps bugging me to watch it."
Female Audience Members: Please review The Kissing Booth! Please review The Kissing Booth!
"Oh, Jesus." Sean said.
(We cut to Will and Gwen in his room working on a science project)
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Will and Gwen in his room working on something and wanting to spend some more time with Will, Gwen uses a Homecoming Committee story to allow people over even though his parents are out.
Gwen Grayson: Do you think the committee could stop by?
Will Stronghold: Oh, I don't know. Because my parents are on a distress call. They won't be home until late. And I'm really not supposed to have anyone here.
Gwen Grayson: Hey, it's cool. I was just hoping we could spend a little more time together, but…
"Dude, what the fuck are you doing? This unbelievably hot chick, who's also a senior, wants to spend a little more time with you. You're a high schooler alone with a girl in your room while your parents are away and she wants you to give her the Vitamin D! Don't fuck this up, Stronghold!" Sean yelled out.
Will Stronghold: If it's… if it's only a few people.
Gwen Grayson: (Smiles at Will) Super.
(We cut to the next scene. A party is being thrown at the Stronghold house and we see a lot of people in the house partying)
Will Stronghold: Gwen! You said this was supposed to be Homecoming committee.
Gwen Grayson: This is the Homecoming committee. Okay, okay. So a few extra people showed up. But, Will, you're popular!
"Oh, boy. His parents are going to freak out when they see what's going on. And let's just hope to god that no one does a drunken keg stand or a flaming shot with grain alcohol." Sean said.
Gwen Grayson: I wish there was somewhere we could go to be alone.
(We cut to Will taking Gwen to the Secret Sanctum)
Gwen Grayson: Wow. This is incredible.
"Oh, you stupid son of a… Your father specifically said to never bring anyone to the Secret Sanctum. You promised your dad! Who am I kidding? All you wanted was to get laid. Why do us guys tend to think with our dicks?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of thinking with your dick, Gwen and Will start making out until…
(Someone with super-speed speeds off with the Pacifier while Will and Gwen kiss)
"Well, that can't be good. Great job, Will. Fucking dumbass." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Layla enters the Stronghold house and sees that there's a party going on and Gwen decides to go all Regina George on her ass.
Layla: Where's Will?
Gwen Grayson: Honestly? Avoiding you! Look, Will knows you have a crush on him.
Layla: He does?
Gwen Grayson: Everyone does. Will's just too nice a guy to tell you he's not interested, not that you can take a hint. I mean, hello? He's going to Homecoming with me. He threw a party and didn't invite you. You're just embarrassing him. You're just embarrassing yourself.
(A clip from Dynasty is shown)
Fallon Carrington (Played by Liz Gillies): Beep you, bitch!
Sean: (Narrating) Will goes over to Layla and tries to talk to her, but Layla walks out and never wants to talk to him and because of what Gwen did, he goes to talk to her and he ends up dumping Gwen for being a bitch to Layla. Way to go, Will.
Will Stronghold: Forget it. I'm not going anywhere with you, not now or not to Homecoming. Might as well just find yourself a new date, Gwen.
Gwen Grayson: You're dumping me? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's get something straight, okay? You do not dump me! Not the night before the dance!
"Will, better be careful sleeping at night. Lock your doors and windows. Because that bitch might build herself a crossbow and shoot you in the neck with it." Sean said as a picture of Mary Elizabeth Winstead as the Huntress from the movie Birds of Prey is shown.
Will Stronghold: Everyone out! Party's over!
The Commander: Don't stop on our account.
(Will sees that his parents, who are both in their Commander and Jetstream persona, are in the house)
"Oh snap, crackle, pop. Rice Krispies. He's so dead." Sean said.
Jetstream: Your father and I fly to Europe for two hours and you throw a party?
The Commander: (Enunciating) Unbelievable. When I reach the count of 3, I want everyone out of this house!
"You do not want to know what happens after three, he'll bring out the Mac-10 with the silencer attached to it and mow you all down. And it won't be a pretty sight." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, the Commander and Jetstream must think of a punishment for Will, but he tells them that he's not going to Homecoming and they expect him to come to the dance with them.
The Commander: Will, you have to go to the Homecoming Dance. We all have to. Because we're introducing the world to the Stronghold 3, the greatest family of superheroes mankind has ever known.
(Will just starters at his parents and stays silent)
Jetstream: Did something happen, Will?
Will Stronghold: I don't want to talk about it.
The Commander: We're going to talk about it, because we promised Gwen we'd go to the dance! And when a Stronghold makes a promise, Son, that promise is kept!
Will Stronghold: I promise you, Dad, I'm not going.
"I'm not going and there's nothing you can do about it. Don't even think about showing me The Cat in the Hat. That's an abomination that Mom starred in and I'd rather die than watching that movie." Sean said, imitating Will.
Sean: (Narrating) Will heads down to the Paper Lantern to meet Layla so he can apologize to her about being the biggest jerk of the world and he sees Warren and has a little chat with him.
Will Stronghold: Well, you don't have to worry about me ruining your night.
Warren Peace: And why is that?
Will Stronghold: Because I'm not going.
Warren Peace: Hmm. Well, that sucks. 'Cause we're only going together to make you jealous.
Will Stronghold: Huh?
Warren Peace: Dude, you're so stupid. She's totally into you.
"Well, of course he's stupid. I've been saying that throughout the whole review." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to the night of the Homecoming Dance, and before they leave, Josie gives Will some wisdom.
Jetstream: People make mistakes, Will, that's what high school's about. Heck, that's what life's about. The key is to learn from them.
"Right. And those mistakes include throwing a party while your parents are away, secretly betraying their trust so you can get laid and not realizing how serious that mistake was. And to top that all off, you broke your best friend's heart. So, Will, what does that taught us about you?" Sean asked.
Warren Peace: You must've been a real jerk.
"Thank you, Warren. Will, I have to say this. You're the biggest asshole on the planet and you should be locked up in your cage." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, while going through the high school yearbook, Will notices that a student who went to Sky High named Sue Tenny looks a lot like Gwen and he realizes what she's holding, which is the Pacifier in her hand and seeing that the Pacifier is gone, he puts two and two together. So, he must go to Sky High. And speaking of Sky High, we cut to the Homecoming Dance, where the Commander and Jetstream are being greeted by everyone and Gwen presents the Hero of the Year award to them and we get our shocking reveal.
Gwen Grayson: And to mark this occasion, we've planned a special tribute to the most powerful super-being ever to walk the halls of Sky High. Me!
(Gwen changes from her dress to her supervillain costume, she's revealed to be Royal Pain)
Stitches: Commander.
(Stitches cackles as he gets up on stage and hands Royal Pain the Pacifier)
"Uh, yeah, now it's a good time for you to jump in and attack them instead of just standing there and doing nothing. Come on, do something." Sean said.
The Commander: Royal Pain is a girl?
Royal Pain: (Distorted voice) Yes, I'm a girl, you idiot! How I ever lost to a fool like you, I'll never know. Now prepared to be pacified!
Sean: (Narrating) And we see what the Pacifier does. What does it do?
(Royal Pain fires the Pacifier at the Commander. The beam hits him and it turns him into a baby. Jetstream flies at them as Royal Pain fires the Pacifier at her, turning her into a baby as Mr. Boy leaps into action and catches her)
"So, the Pacifier doesn't kill you. It just fires a beam at the person and it turns them into a baby." Sean said.
(A clip from Disney's House of Mouse is shown)
Hades: Oy, puns.
"Alright, enough of that clip from House of Mouse. I think that I've used that clip enough for this review." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Royal Pain starts turning everyone into babies with the Pacifier, including Principal Powers and… and…
Coach Boomer: I'll slow her…
(Boomer gets hit by the beam and screams, he's turned into a baby as well)
"Bruce Campbell gets turned into a baby! Why?!" Sean cried out. "It's bad enough that you turned Kurt Russell and Lynda Carter as babies, but why Bruce?!"
Sean: (Narrating) Will arrives at the school and friends fill him in on what's going on and before they save the day.
Layla: I think this is even more than the great Will Stronghold can handle.
Will Stronghold: She's right. It's gonna take all of us.
Magenta: All of who, you and Warren? The rest of us are only sidekicks.
Will Stronghold: Just because you have powers that doesn't make you a hero. Sometimes it just makes you a jerk. Makes me a jerk. I guess what I'm trying to say is….
Layla: We get it. You've been a jerk.
"Of course, Will. You've been the biggest jerk in the world with power." Sean said.
Will Stronghold: Layla, in case my Homecoming date ends up killing me tonight, I just want you to know…
(Will pulls Layla in for a kiss)
"Told ya they're gonna end up together." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Will and Layla's first kiss is interrupted by Royal Pain's cronies. So while Will goes after Gwen, Layla, Ethan and Warren take on Lash, Speed and Penny, played by twins Malika and Kadijah. Well, better cue the Mortal Kombat theme.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays as Ethan fights Lash, Warren fights Speed and Layla fights Penny, but Layla, being the pacifist, runs away from Penny and her duplicates)
Lash: You can't hide forever, sidekick!
(Lash opens the last stall and looks down the toilet to see that Ethan went down the toilet)
Lash: No way.
(Ethan appears and dunks Lash's head in the toilet and flushes it, sucking his head in)
Ethan: Sucks for you!
(Back with Warren, Speed is running around. Ethan steps out of the restroom and sees Speed running right towards him, he melts into a puddle, causing Speed to slow down, giving Warren a window of opportunity to hit him with a fireball)
Warren Peace: Way to go, Popsicle. (High fives Ethan)
(Back with Layla, she is surrounded by Penny and her duplicates, who keep jumping around, then Penny punches Layla in the face as the sound of the record scratches)
Penny: Hmm.
Layla: Big mistake.
(The Mortal Kombat theme starts up again as Laya starts manipulating plant life as giant vines come crashing through the window, wrapping up Penny and her duplicates)
"Yeah! Here's a little lesson for you: don't fuck with Mother Nature!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Penny reveals to Layla that Royal Pain has sabotaged the antigravity device, which will cause the whole school to fall out of the sky and kill everybody and they only have ten minutes, so the gang pulls out the blueprints to the school and find a conduit that's too small for anyone to fit. Looks like they've found the perfect candidate.
(Ethan, Zach, Layla and Warren look at Magenta)
Magenta: Oh, great.
(We see Magenta, who turned herself into a guinea pig, going through the conduit)
Magenta: This is so stupid.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the babies are being loaded onto the bus and Royal Pain starts monologuing to the Commander.
Royal Pain: I take you back, my dear Commander, to your senior year at Sky High. A time before anyone knew what a Technopath was. A brilliant but misunderstood girl named Sue Tenny was written off as as science geek and stuck in Sidekick class. She hatched a plan so daring, so visionary to start her very own Supervillain Academy and raise a generation of heroes from scratch as villains. But first she had to destroy the very institution that dared to spurn her genius! And now, so many years later, that plan is complete. My only regret that this may be the finest supervillain speech ever given, and you don't even know what I'm saying.
"Good for you to monologue, babe. But just to let you know that you talk too damn much." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Will arrives and he's here to stop Royal Pain's evil plan and Gwen drops this little bombshell to Will.
Will Stronghold: Look, I'm sorry that my parents destroyed your mom. Now put my dad down.
(Baby Commander smiles and coos)
Royal Pain: No one could defeat Royal Pain. When the Pacifier exploded, I wasn't destroyed. I was merely turned into a baby. Stitches took me away and raised me as his daughter.
Stitches: Daddy's little girl. (Cackling)
Royal Pain: I told you never to call me that! Lunatic! That's right. Royal Pain wasn't my mother. Royal Pain is me!
Will Stronghold: Oh, my God. I made out with an old lady.
"Hey, she was the hottest old lady ever. You gotta admit that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And now it's time for Will and Royal Pain to duke it out. Cue the music!
(The Mortal Kombat theme starts playing as we get a fight scene between Will and Royal Pain as they go flying through the entrance to the school and through the walls until they reach the gymnasium and start fighting. Warren and Layla enter the gymnasium to find Will)
Layla: Will!
(Will gets distracted as Royal Pain presses a button, powering up her suit and punches Will, sending him flying out the window.
Layla: (Screams) No!
(We see Will falling and screaming before we cut to black. We then cut to the game over screen from the game Sega Rally Championship)
Singer: (Sings) Game over, yeah!
Audience Members: (Yells at Sean) ENOUGH WITH THE FAKE-OUTS!
"Alright, alright, alright. I'll stop with the fake-outs." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, it turns out that Will can fly now and he defeats Royal Pain. Oh yeah, Ron Wilson makes a hero out of himself when he decks Stitches off of his bus. Back with Magenta, Ethan and Zach, they're trying to figure out which wire to cut. But Royal Pain has an ace up her sleeve when she triggers the sabotaged anti-gravity device, causing Sky High to fall.
(Sky High starts falling)
Layla: The school is falling!
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Chicken Little." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Will tries to stop the school from falling onto our next cameo of the movie, this couple moving into their new house, played by Tom Kenny and his wife Jill Talley. But eventually, Magenta chews on the wire to stop the school from crashing down.
Will Stronghold: Whoa. That could have been messy. Well, good night.
(Will flies the school back into the air)
(Chester faints while his wife catches him in his arms)
Mrs. Timmerman (Played by Jill Talley): Chester? Chester?
"Karen, SpongeBob is in shock. He almost just had a heart attack from the school trying to crush you and your new home." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alright, let's wrap this up here. The Pacifier gets fixed and everyone is back to normal, Will actually owns up to his mistakes and his parents don't punish him for it, not even for breaking his promise for bringing Gwen into the Secret Sanctum. He just gets off Scott free for saving the day. The Commander accepts the Hero of the Year award, but he gives it to the Sidekicks. As for Royal Pain and her cronies, they're sitting in the power-blocking detention room.
Principal Powers: (As she leaves the room) I'm not Wonder Woman, you know.
"You were too!" Sean shouted.
Royal Pain: I went through puberty twice for this?
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, happy ending! The day is saved and the Homecoming dance commences. Warren falls for a chick with ice powers, insert your Trojan Fire & Ice condom joke here and the film ends with Will's closing narration while him and Layla are sharing a kiss mid-air off the school grounds.
Will Stronghold: (Narrating) So in the end, my girlfriend became my arch-enemy, my arch-enemy became my best friend and my best friend became my girlfriend. But, hey, that's high school.
"And that was Sky High and it's super-good." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) The film had a lot of interesting and hilarious ideas. I love the angles and the cinematography, it makes it feel like you're reading a comic book, especially the lighting. This film is a lot of fun to watch and it's got some great gags for children and adults. The film has some of it's moments, but, hey, you can't expect it to be perfect. Now, the movie's director Mike Mitchell stated that there was a sequel that they were going to work on back in 2016 called Save U as in "Save University", get it? But sadly, Mitchell revealed that it was no longer going to be in development. That would've been an interesting idea for the sequel, I would pay good money to see it. But hey, at least we got this amazing, carefully crafted movie. If you haven't seen the movie, then go check it out. They might have it on HBO Max before they move it to Disney+. It's a fun little comedy for both children and adults who are fans of comic books. Sky High comes in at 4 citizen mannequins saying "Help Me!" out of 5.
"And that's all for today, I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic… and I wonder what I'm going to review next for "The Summer of Disney". It's better be something good…" Sean said as his Uncle Wade knocks on the door, interrupting him.
"Come on, Sean! Don't do your Uncle Wade like this!" Uncle Wade shouted.
"Okay, this better segue for the next review." Sean said.
The critic noticed that it was getting dark outside as a devilish grin appears on his face.
"Hey, it's getting dark outside and there's something odd going on with your statue." Uncle Wade said.
"Oh, I'm definitely reviewing this one. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, see you guys next time." Sean said as he leaves the room.
"Sean, come on. I think the statue is coming to life." Uncle Wade said.
We hear the sound of stone breaking and a creature roaring.
"Hey, you got wings! Nice! Have you been drinking Red Bull?" Uncle Wade asked.
We hear the sound of the creature attacking Uncle Wade as he screams before flying away and roaring.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Sidekick!
And that's all for the Sky High review for The Mayhem Critic. And boy, did I have a lot of fun reviewing this movie and I think that this is the best review that I worked on. So, what did you all think of the review and the movie? I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, The Summer of Disney continues when Sean takes a look at the best Disney show of the 90s, and that show is Gargoyles. Now, I was going to bring back Sean's Story Arc for Batman Beyond, but I'm going to bring it back when I talk about the 5-part pilot episode "Awakening". Don't forget to review this chapter, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to help out on the Gargoyles review or any other review for "The Summer of Disney", let me know in the comments or PM me. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.