The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, today is the final week of The Summer of Disney and Sean is ending the summer spectacular with a bang when Sean, Brian and Chad Knight reviews Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, the final installment in the new Star Wars trilogy that has a lot of people split. Is it good or is it bad? Did they end the Skywalker Saga off on a high note or on a sour note? Well, let's sit back, relax and enjoy the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is owned by Lucasfilm LTD. and Disney.
The Summer of Disney Part VI: The Rise of Skywalker
We open up the review with Sean's best friend Brian and fellow critic Chad Knight from Up All Knight, sitting in his living room waiting for him to come downstairs.
"What's taking him so long?" Chad asked, looking at his watch.
"I don't know. He's probably watching Pretty Little Liars or having sex with Taylor." Brian said.
"Dear lord, please let him be watching Pretty Little Liars." Chad said.
We then cut to Sean, who's sitting in his office looking at some of the emails requesting him to review Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. He sighed for a bit before taking a sip of his beer as he sits back in his chair.
"Fuck it. Let's finish this." Sean said as he gets up from off of his chair and heads downstairs.
(Cut to Sean entering the living room)
"About time you showed up." Chad said as Sean sits down on the couch.
"Had to prepare myself." Sean said before starting his signature introduction. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. And joining me for this review is my friend Brian."
"What's up?" Brian said to the camera.
"And you know him from Up All Knight and you remember him co-reviewing Tango & Cash with me for Stallone Month, Chad Knight." Sean said as Chad introduces himself.
"Hey, guys." Chad said.
"And welcome back to the final week of…" Sean said.
"The Summer of Disney!" Brian and Chad both said in a normal voice.
"Hey, hey, hey! No! You're doing it wrong. Only I get to do the loud, booming voice." Sean said. "Watch how a pro does it."
(We cut to Sean entering another room)
Loud, Booming Voice: THE SUMMER OF DISNEY!
(Sean leaves the room before heading back into the living room)
"Today, it's time to go back to the Star Wars franchise…" Sean said.
"Wait, I thought you already finished The Summer of Star Wars like last year." Chad said.
"I did and it was when Brian and I reviewed The Last Jedi. This was before The Rise of Skywalker was released." Sean said.
"So why are we talking about Star Wars again?" Chad asked. "And why am I here? I'm supposed to be working on my Seinfeld Retrospective."
"Dude, relax. Sean wanted you to join us for the review. Just be grateful for keeping your busy schedule open." Brian said.
"Fine." Chad said. "Sean, go ahead."
"Today, we're going to talk about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker." Sean said.
(The title of the movie from the trailer is shown as well as clips from the movie while the Star Wars theme plays)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on December 20th, 2019. The Rise of Skywalker is the third and final installment in the Star Wars sequel trilogy and it's the final episode of the nine-part "Skywalker Saga".
Brian: (Narrating) The film tells the tale of Rey, Finn and Poe leading the Resistance's final stand against the evil Kylo Ren and the First Order, also they're aided by the return of a deceased enemy of the past.
Chad: (Narrating) The movie was originally supposed to be directed by Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow. Back in August of 2015, Trevorrow was hired to direct and write a script with his collaborator Derek Connolly, but they both ultimately retain story credit with J.J. Abrams and Chris Terrio. But in September of 2017, Colin Trevorrow left the project due to creative differences with executive producer Kathleen Kennedy.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Trevorrow stepped down as director and there was nobody directing the film. Since the last film was directed by Rian Johnson….
(A picture of Rian Johnson is shown)
Chad: (Narrating) Yeah, The Last Jedi was directed by an egomaniac who's completely self-righteous and has little care about the universe he was entering.
Sean: (Narrating) Hey, be nice to Rian Johnson. He brought us Knives Out.
(A poster for Knives Out is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Now, that movie was pretty good.
Brian: (Narrating) Anyway, with Trevorrow stepping down as director, J.J. Abrams took over directorial duties.
Chad: (Narrating) Yeah, a movie made by an egomaniac who is so lacking in vision and creativity.
Sean: (Narrating) When the movie was released, you have Star Wars fans that were passionate about The Rise of Skywalker. Some liked it, some didn't like it, while a bunch of Star Wars fans want to punch J.J. Abrams in the dick for fucking over the entire series.
"Well, let's finish up The Summer of Disney with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker." Sean said. "I hope that you're not afraid."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm not afraid." Chad said.
"You will be. You will…" Sean said as he imitates Yoda while Chad pulls out a snub nosed .38 revolver and points it at Sean. "Right, I had that coming."
(We see the words "A long time ago before all this Coronavirus shit went down…" is shown on the screen)
Sean: (Narrating) "A long time ago before all this Coronavirus shit went down…", we get our opening text crawl, letting us know that the dead speak.
"Really?" Sean asked.
"You have got to be kidding me. Is that how they're going to start the opening text crawl?" Chad asked.
"Come on, Abrams. You can't be serious about this." Brian said.
"Why doesn't he start the opening text crawl with "kiss my ass"? Yeah, that would work better than "the dead speak."." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) So yeah, the voice of the late Emperor Palpatine has been heard on a radio transmission. Also, General Leia Organa has dispatched some secret agents to gather intelligence while Rey, the last hope of the Jedi, trains for her battle against the First Order. But what about Supreme Leader Kylo Ren?
(We see Kylo Ren slaughtering many Alazmec cultist alongside his stormtroopers on Mustafar)
"Looks like he's busy doing a bunch of killing." Brian said.
Chad: (Narrating) Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, played by Adam Driver, searches the universe to find the Emperor and kill him. While he's busy killing a bunch of cultists, he finds a wayfinder, which belonged to his grandfather Darth Vader, and he uses it to make his way to the Sith world of Exegol.
"So, he needs a magical pyramid to take him to another planet?" Chad asked.
"Yep. That's the MacGuffin for the movie." Sean said.
"For those of you who don't know what a "MacGuffin" is, it's an object or device in a movie or a book that serves merely as a trigger for the plot." Brian said.
"So, the MacGuffin for the movie is the wayfinder, correct?" Chad asked.
"Yep." Sean said.
"Oh, man. We're so fucked." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Kylo Ren arrives at Exegol with the wayfinder. Exegol is a fabled Sith world with flashing lights. Yeah, that's a big "fuck you" to all of the epilleptics in the movie theater. He enters the enormous citadel and he hears some voices.
Male Voice: At last. Snoke trained you well.
Kylo Ren (Played by Adam Driver): I killed Snoke. I'll kill you.
Male Voice: My boy. I made Snoke.
"Mysterious voice says what now?" Sean asked, imitating Miley Stewart from Hannah Montana.
Male Voice: I have been every voice... (As Snoke) you have ever heard... (As Darth Vader) inside your head.
(Kylo Ren wanders into a maze of unfamiliar equipment being tended to by robed acolytes. We see in the cylinders incomplete bodies of the dead Snoke)
"So, Snoke was a clone this whole time?" Sean asked.
"A clone of who, I wonder." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) This mysterious voice let's Kylo know that the First Order was just the beginning and he'll give him so much more. But Kylo warns him that he'll die first. And we see that the mysterious voice is revealed to be…
Emperor Palpatine (Played by Ian McDiarmid): I have died before. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
(We see that it's revealed to be Emperor Palpatine)
"Turns out to be Emperor Palpatine, played by Ian McDiarmid." Brian said.
"Wait, didn't he die in Return of the Jedi?" Chad asked.
"Yep." Sean said.
"Then why the hell is he back?" Chad asked.
"Just wait for it." Sean and Brian both said.
Chad: (Narrating) So, Palpatine is back, for some apparent reason, and I do have to admit that it's great to see Ian McDiarmid reprise his role. Kylo asks the Emperor what could he give him and the Emperor says everything, which means a new Empire. So, he raises an entire fleet of Stay Destroyers that were hiding underneath the frozen sea.
Emperor Palpatine: The might of the Final Order will soon be ready. It will be yours if you do as I ask. Kill the girl! End the Jedi and become what your grandfather Vader could not.
(Kylo lowers his lightsaber and turns it off)
Emperor Palpatine: You will rule all the galaxy as the new emperor.
"Yes, I can see that happening. Emperor Kylo Ren. Let's hope he could ham up his acting just like you. But then again, nobody could ham it up better than Ian McDiarmid. His hammy acting brings me joy." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Emperor lets Kylo know that Rey is not who he think she is and he wants to know who she is and with that evil smile, Emperor Palpatine knows who she is. Which we'll find out later as we cut to the Millennium Falcon, and we see our heroes Finn played by John Boyega, Poe played by Oscar Isaac and Chewbacca played by Joonas Suotamo playing a game of space chess.
Poe Dameron (Played by Oscar Isaac): (To Chewbacca) Are you ever gonna go?
Finn (Played by John Boyega): He can't beat us every time.
Poe Dameron: Apparently he does.
Finn: How does he do it?
Poe Dameron: This guy right here? It's 'cause he cheats.
(Chewbacca growls at Poe)
Poe Dameron: I'm kidding!
Finn: Oh, come on. Take your turn.
Poe Dameron: You're 250 years old.
Finn: You're taking forever. That's cheating.
Poe Dameron: Of course you're better than us.
Finn: That's why we think you're cheating.
"Dear Diary, today I finally learned that Chewbacca is 250 years old and he cheats at space chess." Sean said while writing in a diary as Chad and Brian both notice.
"Dude, who's diary are you writing in?" Brian asked.
"That's Hannah's diary." Chad said as Sean stops writing.
"It is? I didn't know. I thought it was Taylor's." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) But the time for games is over as they arrive at the Sinta Glacier Colony to meet up with a Resistance informant by the name of Ovissian Boolio.
Finn: Boolio, good to see you. You got something for us?
Boolio (Voiced by Mark Hamill, credited as Patrick Williams): From a new ally! A spy in the First Order!
Finn: A spy? Who?
Boolio: I don't know! Transfer the message! Get it to Leia, hurry!
"Turns out that there's a spy in the First Order. Also, it sounds like Boolio has the voice of The Joker." Brian said.
"Well, that's because that's Mark Hamill, who's credited as Patrick Williams, playing the voice of Boolio. That's probably why he sounds like The Joker smoking three or four packs of cigarettes a day." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Finn inserts the message into R2-D2 so he could send the information over to Leia, but he have to do it quick because a squadron of First Order Tie Fighters are on their way to kill them and with the message being downloaded into R2, it's time to get out of here and we get an exciting dogfighting sequence with Finn manning one of the Millennium Falcon's cannons while Poe does some amazing flying. That is until he does something reckless like lightspeed skipping through a number of systems to evade the Ties. Yeah, remember in The Force Awakens when they made a big deal about Han coming out of hyperspace too close to a planet? Well, that's not a big deal anymore. You can just jump around wherever you want like magic.
(A clip from Star Wars: A New Hope is shown)
Han Solo (Played by Harrison Ford): Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!
"No jumping from empty space to empty space anymore. We now can transport from giant monsters to cities with ease! That is so dumb. I'm surprised that Beastie Boys didn't start playing. Oh, wait. That's right. J.J.'s already done that before, ten times in his movies." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss, we see that Rey played by Daisy Ridley, meditating while trying to contact the Jedi from the past, but she fails at doing so and General Leia Organa, played by Carrie Fisher, respectively, comforts her.
Rey (Played by Daisy Ridley): (Sighs) I'm starting to think it isn't possible to hear the voices of the Jedi who came before.
General Leia Organa (Played by Carrie Fisher): Nothing's impossible.
Rey: Nothing's impossible. I'm gonna run the training course.
(Leia hands Rey Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber)
Sean and Brian both turn to Chad and notice him crying.
"Are you crying?" Sean asked as Chad wipes his eyes.
"What? No. I... I got something in my eye." Chad said. "There. I think I got it."
Brian: (Narrating) So anyway, Rey is busy doing her Jedi training with the training ball. Question: why is she still doing her Jedi training? We've seen her kicking tons of ass in two movies.
Chad: (Narrating) But her Jedi senses start tingling and she starts to have visions and she tells Leia about it.
Rey: I'm just not feeling myself. I know it looks... It looks like I'm making excuses.
General Leia Organa: Don't tell me what things look like. Tell me what they are.
Rey: I think I'm just tired. That's all.
"I'm just sick and tired of people calling me a "Mary Sue" all the time. It just pisses me off." Sean said, imitating Rey.
Sean: (Narrating) But the Falcon returns as Rey and Poe bicker over BB-8 and the Falcon and because of him lightspeed skipping and now it's time to share the message from the spy in the First Order.
Poe Dameron: We've decoded the intel from the First Order spy and it confirms the worst. (Sighs) Somehow, Palpatine returned.
(All gasp, murmuring)
"Boy, everybody is shocked like it's a friggin' Scooby-Doo cartoon." Chad said.
Rose (Played by Kelly Marie Tran): Wait. Do we believe this?
Aftab (Played by Tom Wilton and voiced by Chris Terrio): It cannot be. The Emperor is dead.
Beaumont (Played by Dominic Monaghan): Dark science. Cloning. Secrets only the Sith knew.
"Oh, no." Chad said, lowering his head down and covering his face.
"That's right." Brian said.
"Yeah, does anyone remember the comic book "Dark Empire"? Well, they're retconning this shit. Turns out that this Emperor is a clone." Sean said.
"You have got to be kidding me?!" Chad exclaimed. "Really, J.J.? Retconning Dark Empire? You couldn't come up with anything clever? God, this is stupid!"
Brian: (Narrating) Turns out that Emperor Palpatine has been planning his revenge and yes, his followers have been building something for years. And of course, they're talking about the Final Order and in 16 hours, attacks on all free worlds begin and Poe lets them know that the Emperor and his fleet have been hiding out in Exegol. C-3PO, played by Anthony Daniels, claims that Exegol does not appear on any star chart. So. Rey turns to Jedi texts and shares this information with Leia in private.
Rey: I know how to get to Exegol.
General Leia Organa: Tell me.
Rey: Luke searched for it. For a long time. He nearly found it. There are ciphers here I can't read. But he said to get there, you need one of these. A Sith wayfinder. They're compasses that lead the way to Exegol. To stop what we both know is coming... I need to finish what Luke started. Find Exegol. Find the Emperor.
General Leia Organa: No.
"Well, that was an easy answer." Chad said.
Rey: I don't want to go without your blessing, but I will. I will. It's what you would do.
"Well, that's because Leia was the ultimate badass before you were born." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) After she eventually gets Leia's permission, Rey tells Poe that they need to travel to the Forbidden Desert of Pasaana. But she's not gonna do this alone. Finn, Poe, Chewie and C-3PO are going with her. And before they could leave, Finn chats with Rose, once again played by Kelly Marie Tran, to see if she wants to go with them, but Rose tells Finn that Leia has asked her to study the specs of the old Destroyers. In other words, she's served her purpose as the Jar-Jar Binks of this one and The Last Jedi. She's been through enough. Before they leave, Rey speaks with Leia for one last time.
Rey: There's so much I want to tell you.
General Leia Organa: Tell me when you get back.
(Leia hands Rey Skywalker's lightsaber. Rey hugs Leia. Rey cries)
General Leia Organa: Rey, never be afraid of who you are.
We cut back to Sean, Brian and Chad, who are seen crying.
"Oh, God." Sean cries, sniffling a bit.
"Why did she have to leave us?" Brian asked, wiping his eyes.
"We miss you so much, Carrie." Chad cries.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, we see that Kylo Ren is getting his helmet fixed up and he heads back to his Star Destroyer, along with his entourage.
(We see Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren striding through the corridors)
Stormtrooper #1: Knights of Ren.
Stormtrooper #2: Ghouls.
"Uh, yeah. I think you better watch what you say about them, buddy. They might hear you." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) We see that he throws down Boolio's head on the table in the conference room and we see that he's not playing around.
Kylo Ren: We have a spy in our ranks who just sent a message to the Resistance. Whoever this traitor is won't stop us.
(Allegiant General Pryde and General Hux look at each other)
Kylo Ren: With what I've seen on Exegol, the First Order is about to become a true Empire. I sense unease about my appearance, General Hux.
(The First Order officers look over at General Hux)
General Hux (Played by Domhnall Gleeson): About the mask? No, sir. Well done.
Chad starts chuckling a bit. "You know what's funny? He's afraid of getting abused by him. Hell, hasn't he had enough in the last film?"
(Clips of General Hux getting abused by everyone in The Last Jedi is shown. We see Supreme Leader Snoke using the Force to slam General Hux down on the floor and drag him around. We then see a deleted scene where Rose bites General Hux on the finger)
General Hux: Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler!
(Kylo Force chokes Hux)
General Hux: Supreme Leader, don't get distracted. Our goal is to…
(Kylo Force pushes Hux into a console)
"You know, I feel bad for this guy. He went from being a scary Hitler-esque character to becoming everybody's bitch." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) But one First Order officer by the name of General Quinn, played by Simon Paisley Day, respectively, starts talking bad about the Sith loyalists by calling them "a cult, conjurers and soothsayers". But there are some people who are respectful to the Sith, people like Allegiant General Pryde, played by Richard E. Grant.
General Pryde (Played by Richard E. Grant): They've conjured legions of Star Destroyers. The Sith fleet will increase our resources ten-thousandfold. (Gives Hux a spiteful glance) Such range and power will correct the error of Starkiller Base.
"Whatever, the Starkiller Base was much better." Sean said, imitating General Hux.
"It was destroyed by the Resistance. That plan sucked." Chad said, imitating General Pryde.
Sean: (Narrating) General Quinn continues to talk some shit about the Sith and Kylo Ren has had enough of his mouth. So he Force chokes his ass and slams him up to the ceiling. Then, he commands his officers to prepare to crush any worlds that defy the First Order while him and his knight are going to hunt down Rey. And speaking of Rey, we see that our heroes arrive on the desert planet of Pasaana and they land at Luke's coordinates and they see that there's a festival of some sorts going on.
Poe Dameron: What is this?
C-3PO (Played by Anthony Daniels): The Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors. This celebration occurs only once every 42 years.
Finn: Well, that's lucky.
C-3PO: Lucky indeed. This festival is known for both its colorful kites and it's delectable sweets.
(They all turn to C-3PO and look at him)
"Hell, they turned to C-3PO and want him to shut up. Either that or he's been to that festival before. Is there something you're not telling us, 3PO?" Chad asked.
Brian: (Narrating) So they explore the festival while trying to keep a low-profile because there are random First Order patrols roaming around crowds like this. Our heroes split up to find out what the locals know. Then Rey comes across some adorable alien children watching a puppet show. Also, a little alien child gives her a necklace.
(The little alien child speaks in a different language)
C-3PO: Her name is Nambi Ghima.
Rey: That's an excellent name. I'm Rey.
(Nambi speaks in an alien language)
C-3PO: She would be honored to know your family name, too.
Rey: I don't have one. I'm just Rey.
"Rey what? We're all curious to know who you are." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) But Rey senses a disturbance in the Force when Kylo Ren establishes a connection with her through their Force-bond. Cue the Dumb & Dumber love theme.
(The Dumb & Dumber love theme starts playing)
Kylo Ren: Palpatine wants you dead.
Rey: Serving another master?
Kylo Ren: No. I have other plans. I offered you my hand once. You wanted to take it. Why didn't you?
Rey: You could've killed me. Why didn't you?
"Because all the Reylo fans want to see you two fuck. That's why he didn't kill you." Chad said.
Kylo Ren: You can't hide, Rey. Not from me.
Rey: I see through the cracks in your mask. You're haunted. You can't stop seeing what you did to your father.
"Aw, hell. We're all still haunted by that." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Ren reaches out and grabs Rey's necklace, pulling it through with the Force into his own hands until Rey realizes that the First Order will be coming down to get her and her friends, so she must warn them.
Kylo Ren: Prepare my ship. Alert the local troops. Send a division.
General Pryde: Yes, Supreme Leader.
"Okay, there's something up with this General Pryde." Sean said.
"Is it the fact that Richard E. Grant starred in Hudson Hawk with Bruce Willis?" Chad asked.
"No. Like there's something fishy with him. Like why do I get the feeling that he's the spy in the First Order?" Sean asked.
"Either that or he's just plain evil." Brian said.
Stormtrooper: Freeze. Hold it right there. I've located the Resistance fugitives. All units, report…
(The Stormtrooper gets shot in the eye with an arrow by a mysterious figure)
"Ouch!" Brian exclaimed.
"Jesus Christ!" Sean yelled out.
"Yeah, it's not every day that you see a Stormtrooper getting shot in the eye with an arrow. And in a Disney movie meant for the whole family. Yeah, that was pretty brutal." Chad said.
Brian: (Narrating) So yeah, ouch. Rey and her friends follow the mysterious figure who has the best aim ever. And as they enter the transport, we see the identity of the mysterious shooter.
Finn: How'd you find us?
(The mysterious figure takes off his mask, revealing it to be Lando Calrissian)
Lando Calrissian (Played by Billy Dee Williams): Wookies stand out in a crowd.
(Chewbacca roars as Lando laughs and hugs him)
Lando Calrissian: It's good to see you too, old buddy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the smoothest cat in the galaxy." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) Lando, played by Billy Dee Williams, shows them a hologram of the Sith wayfinder. Only two were made and Lando revealed that he was with Luke on a mission to track down a Jedi hunter named Ochi of Bestoon, who was holding information that could lead to a wayfinder and when they found his ship abandoned. Which means no clue and no wayfinder.
(Lando and the others look out the window and sees a squadron of Tie Fighters)
Lando Calrissian: I got a bad feeling about this.
"Isn't that what I said when I first saw this movie?" Chad asked.
Brian: (Narrating) Lando gives them directions to Ochi's ship, which is out past Lurch Canyon. Rey tells Lando that Leia needs pilots, but Lando tells her that his flying days are long gone because he's getting too old for this stuff.
Lando Calrissian: But do me a favor, give Leia my love.
Rey: You should give it to her yourself. Thank you.
"I just love this guy. Can we get Billy Dee Williams to do more Colt 45 commercials, please?" Chad asked.
Chad: (Narrating) Our heroes make a run for it as they decide to go all Grand Theft Auto: Pasaana on our asses and a desert chase ensues.
(The First Order Stormtroopers pursue them on speeders and we see some jet troopers flying off of the speeders)
(Chewbacca grunts)
C-3PO: Oh! They fly now!
Finn: They fly now?
Poe Dameron: They fly now.
"NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK!" Sean, Brian and Chad all yelled out.
"Of course they fly now, idiots! I've played Star Wars video games that feature Imperial Stormtroopers flying on jetpacks. I'm sure that there are some on Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II, Star Wars Battlefront II, Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. The list goes on!" Sean yelled.
Poe Dameron: Did we lose them?
Finn: Looks like it!
C-3PO: Excellent job, sir!
(One of the First Order speeders appear in front of them)
C-3PO: Terrible job, sir!
Sean: (V/O as Poe) You know what, shut fuck up, you golden dildo!
Sean: (Narrating) They manage to take out the idiot Stormtroopers as our heroes come across Ochi's ship, but a remaining jet trooper fires a rocket at them, but they manage to take that guy out. And to make matters worse, they get sucked into the quicksand.
Poe Dameron: What the hell is this?
(BB-8 chirps frantically)
Rey: Sinking fields! Try to grab something!
C-3PO: Will this agony ever end?
Poe: (Gets sucked in) Come on!
Rey: BB-8!
(BB-8 chirps frantically and gets sucked in)
Rey: No!
Finn: Rey. Rey, I never told you…
(Finn gets sucked in)
Rey: What? Finn!
(Rey gets sucked into the quicksand as well)
"Tell her what? What was he going to tell her? Was he going to tell her that he loves her? Was he going to tell her that he's a Jedi? Inquiring minds would like to know." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) But don't worry, though. Our heroes are still alive. It turns out that the quicksand has sent them into a network of underground tunnels. So they venture through and they come across a speeder with C-3PO notices a hex charm. And they also come across the remains of Ochi and they find a second MacGuffin for the movie.
(Rey picks up the dagger and senses something about it)
Rey: (Whispers) Horrible things have happened with this.
Poe Dameron: There's writing on it.
C-3PO: Perhaps I can translate. (Picks up the dagger) Oh. The location of the wayfinder, has been inscribed upon this dagger. It's the clue that Master Luke was looking for.
Poe Dameron: And?
Finn: Where's the wayfinder?
"Up your Irish ass and to the left?" Chad asked.
"Damn!" Sean and Brian both yelled out.
(A clip from Dave Chappelle: The Bird Revelation is shown)
Dave Chappelle: That's some cold shit.
Chad: (Narrating) But C-3PO is unable to translate it because it is written in the runic language of the Sith and his programming forbids him from translating it.
Poe Dameron: So, you're telling us the one time we need you to talk, you can't?
C-3PO: Irony, sir. I am mechanically incapable of speaking translations from Sith. I believe the rule was passed by the Senate of the Old Republic…
(A giant snake called the vexis pops up and snarls)
C-3PO: Serpent! Serpent! Serpent!
(A clip from Raiders of the Lost Ark is shown)
Indiana Jones (Played by Harrison Ford): Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?
Sean: (Narrating) They get cornered by the giant snake from Assassin's Creed: Origins and Rey sees that it's injured and we get J.J.'s version of the Force.
(Rey uses Force healing on the creature to heal it. The healed serpent tunnels through the rock to create an escape for them. BB-8 rolls over to Rey and chirps at her)
Rey: I just transferred a bit of life. Force energy from me to him.
"Okay, so J.J.'s version of the Force is just magic. She just heals the snake with magic. Can you imagine some of the characters from the prequel trilogy needing the magic hands?" Chad asked.
(A clip from The Phantom Menace is shown)
Brian: (V/O as Qui-Gon Jinn) Quick, Obi-Wan. Use the magic hands to heal me.
(A clip from Attack of the Clones is shown)
Chad: (V/O as Shmi Skywalker) Please, Ani. Use the magic hands on me.
(A clip from Revenge of the Sith is shown)
Sean: (V/O as Mace Windu) I NEED THE MAGIC HANDS, YOU MOTHERFU...!
Brian: (Narrating) The team finally arrive at Ochi's ship, but then Rey senses that Kylo Ren has arrived, so she goes out in the middle of the desert to deal with him, while he's flying in his Tie Whisper. Finn sends Chewie to go get Rey, but he ends up getting captured by the First Order and the Knights of Ren.
Chad: (Narrating) Rey dispatches Ren's Tie Whisper by cutting off its wing with her lightsaber, which makes him crash. And he ends up surviving that. Finn warns Rey that the First Order has captured Chewie and when she sees the transport, she uses the Force to bring it down. And Kylo engages in a duel of the Force with her, well, the fiercest battle of tug of war ever, resulting in…
(Rey accidentally releases a burst of Force lighting onto the transport, destroying it and killing Chewie)
Rey: Chewie!
Finn: No!
"Nice work, dumbass. You just killed everyone's favorite Wookie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sadly, Chewie is dead. And more of the First Order are coming, which means that it's time to get out of there. They hide out in an asteroid field in Ochi's ship, Rey shares to Finn her vision.
Rey: I, uh, had a vision. Of the throne of the Sith. And who was on it.
Finn: Ren?
Rey: And me.
"Oh, my God. Rey just had a vision that her and Kylo Ren are going to become the next Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin!" Chad exclaimed.
Then, the three reviewers started screaming in horror.
Brian: (Narrating) But then we see some First Order Tie Fighters pulling some Operation Repo-type stuff on the Millennium Falcon. Turns out that they recovered it. Also, General Hux lets General Pryde that a transport was destroyed. But it turns out that there was another transport in the desert, with a very valuable prisoner.
(We see that Chewbacca is still alive)
General Hux: The beast used to fly with Han Solo.
(Chewbacca roars at General Hux)
"Turns out that Chewbacca is alive. And he doesn't take lightly to being called a beast." Brian said.
"Just be glad that he didn't call him fuzzball." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) With only eight hours left, our heroes can't go back to base. And they need another way because the dagger was the only clue to the wayfinder and now it's gone.
C-3PO: So true. The inscription lives only in my memory now.
(Rey, Finn and Poe look at C-3PO)
"Shiny golden metal mouth says what now?" Sean asked.
Poe Dameron: The inscription that was on the dagger is in your memory?
C-3PO: Yes, Master Poe. But the translation from a forbidden language cannot be retrieved. That is short of a complete redacted memory bypass.
"In other words, a memory wipe." Brian said.
"Let's hope it wipes his memory about a certain Christmas special." Chad said.
"Oh, God. Please don't mention it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Luckily, Poe knows a black market droidsmith on Kijimi. The only problem is that Poe had some problems on Kijimi. But they can't fail the mission. So, it's time to go to Kijimi. Oh, and BB-8 finds a little droid and reactivates it. Another droid to fill the adorable droid quota. Even though BB-8 is much more adorable. This is D-O, he's performed by Robin Guiver and Lynn Robertson Bruce. And he's voiced by J.J. Abrams.
"The ego on this guy." Chad said.
D-O (Voiced by J.J. Abrams): Hello.
Rey: Hello.
(D-O backs away from Rey)
D-O: No... No, thank you.
(BB-8 chirping)
Rey: Looks like someone treated him badly. It's all right. You're with us now.
(BB-8 chirps softly)
"Aww, that poor droid." Sean said.
"I won't be taking pity on J.J. Abrams after this review." Chad said.
"Dude, come on. Lighten up." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) So, our heroes arrive on the snow-dusted planet of Kijimi, where we see that there are a bunch of Stormtroopers patrolling the area. So, they have to sneak past them without getting caught.
(Someone points a blaster to Poe's head)
Zorii Bliss (Played by Keri Russell): Heard you were spotted at Monk's Gate. Thought, "He's not stupig enough to come back here."
Poe Dameron: Oh, you'd be surprised.
"Poe Dameron, you are not a master of stealth. You need lessons from Solid Snake, buddy." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) We see that Rey and her friends get cornered by Zorii Bliss and her crew. Zorri, played by Keri Russell, and Poe have a little history with each other and she reveals that Poe has a colorful past.
Rey: What crew?
Zorii Bliss: Oh, funny he never mentioned it. Your friend's old job was running spice.
Finn: You were a spice runner?
Poe Dameron: You were a Stormtrooper?
Rey: Were you a spice runner?
Poe Dameron: Were you a scavenger? We could do this all night.
"Turns out that he was a smuggler like Han Solo. Why couldn't they make him a smuggler?" Chad asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Zorii points out that there's a bounty on Rey's head and Zorii needs her money. But it ain't gonna happen because Rey easily kicks their asses and gains the upper hand.
Rey: (Points her lightsaber at Zorii) We could really use your help. Please.
Zorii Bliss: Not that you care... but I think you're okay.
Rey: I care.
"Hey, at least she said "please" without cutting off a limb." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) So our heroes avoid the First Order patrols in order to make it to Babu Frik's workshop. The only problem is that the Knights of Ren have tracked them down. Anyway, they make it through the bar and we get a little cameo from composer John Williams. I'm not kidding. That's John Williams playing the bartender Oma Tres.
"Oh, great. Not only we get a cameo from J.J. Abrams and Chris Terrio in this movie, we get another cameo from John Williams and he's playing a bartender. What's next? A cameo from Ed Sheeran as a Resistance alien?" Chad asked.
(A picture of Ed Sheeran as a Resistance alien is shown, along with the words "That's Ed Sheeran, Folks!")
"Oh, fuck!" Chad yelled out.
C-3PO: I haven't the faintest idea why I agreed to this. I must be malfunctioning.
"Oh, don't worry, 3PO. You'll be fine. You'll end up not remembering after this, but you'll be fine." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) And look at this, Babu Frik is a little alien Mogwai. If I want to see an adorable Mogwai, I would rather watch Gremlins and Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Well, hopefully this is going to work because Babu can unlock the message that he can unlock the message that could be read, the only problem is that it will cause a complete memory wipe.
Finn: Doesn't R2 backup your memory?
C-3PO: Oh, please. R2's storage units are famously unreliable.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I believe that when they make another "Droids" cartoon with BB-8 and D-O on Disney Channel." Sean said.
C-3PO: If this mission fails, it was all for nothing. All we've done, all this time.
(C-3PO turns around and looks at his friends)
Poe Dameron: What are you doing there, 3PO?
C-3PO: Taking one last look, sir... at my friends.
D-O: Sad.
(A clip from Girl Meets World is shown)
Maya Hart (Played by Sabrina Carpenter): I'm not crying, you are.
"How noble of him." Brian said.
"Yeah, that's the only noble thing that he's done." Chad said.
"Alright, Babu. Shut down the son of a bitch." Sean said.
(Babu shuts down C-3PO)
"Thank you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Poe and Zorii are busy keeping watch on the First Order partols and they start to reminisce about old times. She tells Poe that she's saved enough to get out of Kijimi and go to the Colonies. How, you might ask? Well, because of the hyperlanes are blocked, she has a First Order Captain's medallion that could give her free passage through any blockade and all those good perks
(Zorii removes her visor, revealing her eyes)
"We, we all know that Zorii is human, not an alien." Sean said.
"Dude, remember Mileena from Mortal Kombat? You might think she's hot, but she's a monster." Chad said.
"Oh, come on. Zorii's human. Who knows?" Brian said.
Zorii Bliss: Wanna come with me?
Poe Dameron: (Sighs) I can't walk out of this war. Not till it's over. Maybe it is. We sent out a call for help at the Battle of Crait. Nobody came.
"Hey, nice touch referencing "The Last Jedi", buddy." Sean said.
Poe Dameron: Everyone's so afraid. They've given up.
Zorii Bliss: No, I don't believe you believe that. Hey. They win by making you think you're alone. Remember? There's more of us.
"Zorii, don't spoil the climax for us. We need to be surprised." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Well, let's check back in with Rey and Finn as we see Rey oiling up D-O like he's the friggin' Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, a better movie that I should be watching right now. But, Rey tells Finn that there's something not right about this. She confides to him that on the day her parents left, they were on Ochi's ship, more on that later because the First Order Star Destroyer is coming. Luckily, Babu completes the hack, resulting in…
(Babu turns C-3PO back on, this time we see that his eyes are glowing red)
"Jesus!" Sean exclaimed as he recoils back on his couch in fear.
"Holy Mary Mother of God." Chad said.
C-3PO: (In robotic voice) The Emperor's wayfinder is in the Imperial vault. At delta 3-6, transient 9-3-6, bearing 3-2 on a moon in the Endor system. From the southern shore. Only this blade tells. Only this blade tells.
(C-3PO powers down)
"Christ! Did C-3PO get possessed by the demon from The Exorcist?" Brian asked.
C-3PO: (His lines are replaced by the demon's lines) Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you ungrateful swine.
Finn: The Endor system. Where the last war ended?
"Oh, my God!" Chad growled.
Chad: (Narrating) Ren's Destroyer has arrived on Kijimi and not only that Rey senses her boy toy, she senses Chewie, he's alive. Oh, and C-3PO reboots with an empty memory. So now, it's off to rescue Chewie, but before they go Zorii gives Poe her Captain's Medallion to get them on the capital ship. Luckily, the medallion gets them on the Destroyer and take out every single Stormtrooper in their way.
Stormtrooper #1: Drop your weapons.
Rey: (Does the Jedi Mind Trick on them) It's okay that we're here.
Stormtrooper #1: It's okay that you're here.
Stormtrooper #2: It's good.
Rey: You're relieved that we're here.
Stormtrooper #1: Thank goodness you're here.
Stormtrooper #2: Welcome, guys.
Poe Dameron: Does she do that to us?
"God, this is so fucking lame." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, our heroes venture through the corridors of the Star Destroyer looking for Chewie. But then Rey senses Ochi's dagger on the ship. So they split up with Rey looking for the dagger and Finn and Poe rescuing Chewie and taking out the Stormtroopers that are in their way like it's a friggin' video game.
(We see Finn, Poe and Chewie taking out the Stormtroopers while the number of points are shown on the screen. We see Poe getting shot in the arm by a Stormtrooper)
Finn: Poe! Are you okay?
Poe Dameron: Nope.
Stormtrooper #4: You there, hands up! Drop your weapons now!
Stormtrooper #5: Put your weapons down! Drop them!
(The Stormtroopers surround Finn, Poe and Chewie)
Stormtrooper #4: Drop them now!
(They drop their weapons)
Poe Dameron: Hey, fellas.
Female Stormtrooper #3: Shut up, scum.
(Chewbacca laughs)
(The "Game Over" screen from Sega Rally Championship is shown)
Singer: Game over, yeah!
Brian: (Narrating) Back with Rey, she stumbles onto Kylo Ren's living quarters. No, not to surprise him on his bed while she's naked, but only to find Darth Vader's charred helmet and finding the dagger while grabbing Chewie's belongings. But when Rey touches the dagger, she begins to have a vision of her parents, until her vision is broken by.
(Rey has another Force bond with Kylo Ren while the love theme from Dumb and Dumber plays in the background)
Kylo Ren: Wherever you are, you are hard to find.
Rey: You're hard to get rid of.
Kylo Ren: I pushed you in the desert, because I needed to see it. I needed you to see it. Who you are. I know the rest of the story. Rey.
Rey: (Points her lightsaber) You're lying.
Kylo Ren: I never lied to you. Your parents were no one. They chose to be. To keep you safe.
Rey: Don't!
"Oh, look. It's the Star Wars version of the movie Marriage Story." Sean said.
Chad: (Narrating) Rey doesn't want to hear any of this, so the two of them have a lightsaber duel across two different locations until Rey discovers that her parents left her on Jakku to protect her.
Kylo Ren: They sold you to protect you.
Rey: Stop talking.
Kylo Ren: Rey, I know what happened to them.
(Rey and Kylo Ren continue their lightsaber duel)
"Boy, Sean. You're right. This is the Star Wars version of Marriage Story." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Kylo continues to tell Rey the whole story by telling her that it was in fact Palpatine who had her parents taken because he was looking for her and because they wouldn't tell him where she is, he gave the order to have them whacked by Ochi. Also, Ren realizes that Rey is on his flagship after she destroyed his stand which contained his grandfather's helmet.
Kylo Ren: You know why the Emperor's always wanted you dead.
Rey: No.
Kylo Ren: I'll come tell you.
"Just stay right there. Don't move a muscle because this is going to be some life-changing news." Sean said, imitating Kylo Ren.
Brian: (Narrating) But enough about Rey, we cut back to Finn, Poe and Chewie and we see that things aren't going to great for them because Allegiant General Pryde has ordered the Stormtroopers to terminate them, but General Hux arrives and volunteers. But as the end nears, Poe wants to know what Finn was going to tell Rey.
Poe Dameron: What were you gonna tell Rey before?
Finn: You still on that?
Poe Dameron: Oh, I'm sorry, is this a bad time?
(Chewbacca groaning)
Finn: Yeah. Sort of is a bad time, Poe.
Poe Dameron: Well, 'cause later doesn't really look like an option. If you're gonna let something off your chest, maybe now's not the worst time to…
(A sound of a blaster fires is heard as Finn, Poe and Chewie turn around to see three of the Stormtroopers lying dead on the floor)
"Oh, look. Three idiot Stormtroopers that shot at each other." Brian said.
(We see it's revealed that General Hux shot the Stormtroopers)
General Hux: I'm the spy.
Poe Dameron: What?
Finn: You?
General Hux: We don't have much time.
Poe Dameron: I knew it.
Finn: No, you did not.
"Wait, what?" Sean asked.
General Hux: I'm the spy.
"So, General Hux is the spy within the First Order?" Chad asked.
"Um, how long was he a spy? Was he working for the Resistance that whole time as an undercover soldier infiltrating the First Order?" Brian asked.
"Uh, is J.J. Abrams pulling stuff out from out of his ass? Could you please explain, movie? Explain!" Sean yelled.
Chad: (Narrating) So yeah, General Hux is a spy. So anyway, Rey arrives at the hangar as Kylo Ren arrives, so she sends the droids to meet up with Finn, Poe and Chewie, in which they do while Hux leads them to the hangar, which has the Millennium Falcon. But before they could leave, Hux wants Finn to do something for him.
General Hux: Blast me in the arm. Quick.
Finn: What?
General Hux: Or they'll know.
(Finn points his blaster at Hux, then shoots him in his leg)
General Hux: No! Ahh! (Groans)
Finn: Why are you helping us?
General Hux: I don't care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose.
"Plus, he's getting sick and tired of being his bitch in this film trilogy." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) And now we come to the big reveal as Kylo Ren tells Rey why the Emperor wants her dead.
"Turns out she's his granddaughter. Her father was a failed Palpatine clone, not force-sensitive, so he was thrown away, but allowed to live, had a wife and daughter. So, they had to leave her so he wouldn't find her." Brian said.
Kylo Ren: Because he saw what you would become. You don't just have power. You have his power. You're his granddaughter. You are a Palpatine.
We cut back to Sean, Brian and Chad as music from The Empire Strikes Back starts playing.
"No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!" Chad said, imitating Luke Skywalker.
Kylo Ren: My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was the son of the Emperor. What Palpatine doesn't know is we're a dyad in the Force, Rey. Two that are one. We'll kill him together and take the throne.
"Uh, ripping off The Empire Strikes Back much, Abrams?" Chad asked.
Brian: (Narrating) Kylo offers Rey to take his hand for her to join him so they can kill the Emperor together, but she says to hell with that shit, because the Millennium Falcon arrives and she hops on. As for General Hux…
General Pryde: Get me the Supreme Leader.
Female Officer: Yes, sir.
(General Pryde grabs the stormtrooper's blaster and shoots Hux dead for treason)
General Pryde: Tell him we found our spy.
Sean, Chad and Brian both look on in shock, then Sean starts laughing.
"Great job, movie. Great job. You just killed off the most awesome character in the movie. You want to know how I feel? I'll tell you how I feel." Sean said as he picks up his green lightsaber and changes into his Black Panther costume while the Wakanda theme from the Black Panther movie plays in the background. "WAKANDA FOREVER!"
Sean charges at the camera as Brian and Chad try to restrain him.
(A place card comes up, indicating it is now "20 minutes later)
Narrator: Twenty minutes later.
We cut back to Sean, who is now calm.
"Okay, okay, okay. I'm cool. I would like to apologize to some of the viewers out there who saw my outrage. It was immature of me and childish as well. I get a little peeved when I see a good character in a movie that I like getting the axe. I'm very sorry and it will never happen again. And now, back to the review.
Chad: (Narrating) Back on the Falcon, the landing gear for the ship is busted while Finn and Rey are making repairs. Also, Rey vows to destroy Palpatine for killing her parents. Hey, looks like we're going to see Dark Rey. Also, Palpatine is not happy about Ren letting Rey live and questioning his loyalty.
Emperor Palpatine: Do not make me turn my fleet against you.
Kylo Ren: I know where she's going. She'll never be a Jedi.
Emperor Palpatine: Make sure of it. Kill her.
"I don't want you betraying me like your useless grandfather when he saved his son. Bastard." Sean said, imitating Emperor Palpatine.
Sean: (Narrating) Our heroes arrive on the ocean moon of Kef Bir in the Endor System and after a rough landing, they come across a cliff overlooking the sea, where they find the wreckage of the second Death Star. And it's going to be difficult to find the wayfinder in the ruins of the Death Star.
"Well, maybe because it won't be there because the fucking Death Star blew up!" Sean yelled out.
Rey: (Quietly) "Only this blade tells."
(Rey pulls out the Sith dagger by pulling a plate that's hidden in the hilt and aligning it with a specific part of the Death Star wreckage)
(A sound clip from The Goonies plays)
Mikey: (V/O) Guys... I think I have a match. I'm sure of it! The lighthouse, the rock and the restaurant all fit the doubloon.
"Oh, great! Now Abrams is ripping off The Goonies!" Chad exclaimed as Sean and Brian both shush him.
Brian: (Narrating) But then our heroes are joined by a group of humans on horseback being led by Jannah, played by Naomie Ackie.
Jannah (Played by Naomie Ackie): Are you Resistance?
Poe Dameron: That depends.
Jannah: We picked up a transmission from someone named Babu Frik.
C-3PO: Babu Frik? Oh, he's one of my oldest friends.
Jannah: He said you'd come. He said you were the last hope.
"No, there is another." Sean said, imitating Yoda.
Chad immediately pulls out his .38 snub-nosed revolver and points it at Sean.
"Give me a reason, Archer. Give me a reason!" Chad exclaimed.
Chad: (Narrating) Jannah offers to take them to the location of the wayfinder the next day, but they can't wait till tomorrow because of the whole Final Order thing, but they gotta get the Falcon fixed, which gives Finn time to bond with Jannah.
Finn: Okay, wait. You were First Order?
Jannah: Not by choice. We were conscripted as kids. All of us. I was TZ-1719. Stormtrooper.
Finn: FN-2187.
Jannah: You?
Finn: I never knew there were more.
Jannah: Deserters? All of us here were stormtroopers.
"What a surprise. Ex-stormtroopers with terrible aim." Chad said.
"Shut up, dude!" Brian snapped.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Jannah is an ex-stormtrooper and her and the deserters mutinied at the battle of Ansett Island because the stormtroopers told them to fire on civilians but they wouldn't do it. Then, Finn tells Jannah that the Force has brought him and his friends here. Then, BB-8 warns the group that he has not seen Rey, which means that she's heading off to the Death Star wreckage on a skimmer to look for the wayfinder.
"What the hell? Are you nuts?!" Sean exclaimed.
(A clip from Saturday Night Live is shown)
Norm MacDonald: What the hell were you thinking?
Brian: (Narrating) Finn and Poe bicker like an old married couple about going after Rey. Poe wants to stay here and fix the ship but Finn wants to go out on the dangerous waters to find his friend because he knows what him and Leia know what Rey is fighting against.
Chad: (Narrating) As Finn and Jannah prepare to head out in the choppy waters on a second skimmer to find Rey. As for Rey, she arrives at the Death Star wreckage and after a few parkour jumps and a treacherous climb, she reaches the Emperor's throne room. You know, for a battle station that was completely destroyed, the windows are still intact. Inside the throne room, our young Jedi senses a dark presence calling to her and behind a secret door is where Rey finds the second wayfinder.
"Wait, so the damn wayfinder was in the Death Star the whole time?" Chad asked.
"Apparently so." Sean said.
"Shouldn't it be destroyed in the explosion? Why is it still sitting there and still intact? Why is this movie so dumb?! When will they show new episodes of The Mandalorian. I would rather be watching that instead of this stupid movie!" Chad yelled.
(Rey grabs the wayfinder and is confronted by a Force vision of herself as a Sith)
Dark Rey: Don't be afraid of who you are.
"I changed my mind. This is going to be interesting." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) And this is the part I like, Rey dueling with Dark Rey. Now, I know that this is a brief duel between the two of them but this is pretty interesting to see Rey fighting a vision of what she would become.
(Dark Rey turns to Rey and growls at he, bares her fangs)
Immediately, Sean starts laughing at Dark Rey.
"And now I can't take this scene seriously because Dark Rey looks like an extra from John Carpenter's Vampires." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) After that brief duel, Rey is confronted by Kylo Ren, who grabs the wayfinder after she drops it. Oh, and he tracked down the Resistance team to Kef Bir. He urges Rey to embrace the dark side but Rey wants him to return the wayfinder to her.
Rey: Give it to me.
(Kylo Ren shudders)
"What the hell was that?" Brian asked.
Rey: Give it to me.
(Kylo Ren shudders)
"Okay, Kylo Ren got turned on from Rey telling him to give it to her." Brian said.
"He's definitely gonna give her the Vitamin D on her grandfather's throne." Chad said.
"She was talking about the wayfinder, you perverts. Get your minds out of the gutter." Sean said.
"Oh. We knew what she meant, dude." Brian said.
Rey: Give it... to me.
Kylo Ren: The only way you're getting to Exegol is with me.
(Kylo Ren destroys the wayfinder)
Rey: No!
"Well, so much for finding the wayfinder. That was pointless." Sean said.
(A clip from Ghostbusters II plays)
Dr. Egon Spengler (Played by Harold Ramis): Short, but pointless.
Chad: (Narrating) So, the two of them have themselves a little lover's spat, I mean a lightsaber duel, and back at the Resistance base, Leia senses her son's confrontation with Rey. You know what this means.
Maz Kanata (Played by Lupita Nyong'o): Leia knows what must be done, R2. To reach her son now will take all the strength she has left.
"In other words, they're gonna kill her off. Man, first Han Solo, then Luke Skywalker and now Princess Leia. We're seeing these classic characters that we knew and love getting the axe. Man, J.J. Abrams is killing our childhood." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Rey and Kylo Ren continue their duel outside of the Death Star wreckage as Finn and Jannah arrive. Finn calls out to Rey but she ends up Force pushing him so he won't get hurt. Because you know, he sucks at lightsaber duels.
(A clip from The Force Awakens is shown as we see Finn getting wounded by Kylo Ren)
Sean: (Narrating) After exchanging blades and Ren using the Force to gain the upper hand, but he ends up sensing his mother.
General Leia Organa: Ben.
(Kylo Ren senses his dying mother as he drops his lightsaber. Rey grabs it and stabs Ren in the torso. We cut to Leia, who breathes her last breath and Rey senses her death)
Rey: Leia.
"Well, nice job, Rey. You just stabbed the guy who wanted to sleep with you." Sean said.
"You know, that looked painful. He didn't even scream. I mean, after seeing him take a lightsaber to the torso, his insides would be burning and he would scream like this." Chad said.
(We see Rey stabbing Kylo Ren in the torso with his own lightsaber and we hear a sound clip of Tom from Tom & Jerry screaming)
Brian: (Narrating) So yeah, Leia dies and Rey regrets her actions for injuring Kylo. So now it's time to give him the magic healing hands.
"Again, with the magic hands!" Chad yelled.
(A sound clip from Reservoir Dogs plays as Rey uses the Force to heal Kylo's wound)
Mr. White (Played by Harvey Keitel): (Sings) You're gonna be ok! Say the goddamn words, you're gonna be ok!
Mr. Orange (Played by Tim Roth): (Groans) Oh, God!
Mr. White: (Shouts) SAY THE GODDAMN FUCKING WORDS! SAY IT!
Mr. Orange: I'm ok, Larry.
Mr. White: Correct! Correct!
Mr. Orange: I'm ok…
Chad: (Narrating) Plus, have you noticed that when Rey heals Kylo Ren with the Force, you see that the scar on his face magically disappears?
"Glad that you pointed that out because when I saw the movie for the second time with my girlfriend, I noticed it right away. When I saw the movie the first time with my mother, I didn't even notice this." Sean said.
Rey: I did want to take your hand. Ben's hand.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Rey leaves by jacking Kylo's Tie Fighter, mostly because she's still shaken up about what she did and her Sith image. Back with the Resistance, several members of the Resistance mourn the death of their fallen leader and pay their respects to her and as Finn, Poe and Chewie return, Commander D'Acy, played by Amanda Lawrence, tell them that Leia passed away and her death hits Chewie hard.
(Chewbacca starts crying)
(We get a montage of Princess Leia from A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker while the song "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan starts playing. The montage ends with the words, "Farewell, Princess Leia. You will be missed." is shown on the screen)
"I hope you all liked that wonderful montage that I've put together. I know, I tried not to cry while working on it and I know that some of you did while watching it." Sean said.
"I'll say. Where's the tissues?" Brian asked, wiping the tears from off of his face.
"I think I'll need some too." Chad said.
Brian: (Narrating) Back with Kylo Ren, he's taking a moment to pose and think about what just happened and mourning the loss of his mother, until a vision from his past shows up.
Han Solo (Played by Harrison Ford): Hey, kid.
(The song "Hallelujah" plays as we see Han Solo)
"It's a miracle! Han Solo is still alive! I knew that he would survive from getting stabbed by his own son and falling to his death. Nothing can kill him." Chad said.
"I call it Force vision." Brian said.
(A sound of a record scratching is heard)
"Wait, are you telling me that Han Solo is still dead?" Chad asked.
"Yep." Brian said.
"Dead as Vanilla Ice's rapping career." Sean said.
"I hate you, movie." Chad said, glaring at the camera.
Chad: (Narrating) So yeah, Kylo Ren has a Force vision about his father and yes, it's nice to see Harrison Ford playing Han Solo, he's the best character ever. Well, anyway, this will give them some time to reconcile without Kylo stabbing his father again.
Kylo Ren: Your son is dead.
Han Solo: (Chuckles quietly) No. Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive.
Kylo Ren: You're just a memory.
Han Solo: Your memory.
"Your memory which involves me taking a lightsaber to the chest and falling to my death. You murdered me, you little bastard. But I forgive you since I'm only a cameo in the movie." Brian said, imitating Han Solo.
Han Solo: Come home.
Kylo Ren: It's too late. She's gone.
Han Solo: Your mother's gone. But what she stood for, what she fought for... that's not gone. (Sighs) Ben.
Kylo Ren: I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.
"Isn't it what he said in The Force Awakens?" Chad asked.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Kylo Ren grabs his lightsaber and instead of stabbing his father with it, he just throws his lightsaber far off into the water like the Cincinnati Reds making a home run. And after rejecting the dark side, he reclaims his identity as Ben Solo. Back with the First Order, Emperor Palpatine communicates with General Pryde via hologram and he is displeased that the Princess of Alderaan has disrupted his plan, so he orders him to come to Exegol. And here's something about General Pryde, the dude served the Emperor in the old wars. That guy is one loyal Imperial. So, the Emperor commands Pryde to send a ship to a world that Rey and her friends know. So, he sends a Star Destroyer from the Sith fleet to Kijimi to destroy it. With what, you might ask? An axial superlaser!
(A clip from the movie The Thing is shown)
Palmer (Played by David Clennon): You gotta be fucking kidding.
"Wait, so the Final Order consists of Star Destroyers using a superlaser to blow up a planet like the friggin' Death Star. Can we play the clip from John Carpenter's The Thing again, please?" Sean asked.
(A clip from The Thing is shown again)
Palmer: You gotta be fucking kidding.
"So every Star Destroyer from Exegol has planet-killing weapons. Really? How many times have we seen something with a planet killing weapon?" Brian asked as pictures of the Death Star from Star Wars: A New Hope and Return of the Jedi and the Starkiller Base from Star Wars: The Force Awakens are shown. "Yeah, about three times. And they're going for the fourth time? This is stupid!"
Brian: (Narrating) So yeah, every ship has an axial superlaser. This is how the Emperor will finish this. Also, he sends a transmission stating that "the Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die. The Final Order begins." And Leia has made Poe acting general but he doesn't know what to do and he's not ready. But then Lando shows up and has a little chat with Poe.
Lando Calrissian: Who's ever ready?
Poe Dameron: How'd you do it? Defeat an empire with almost nothing.
Lando Calrissian: We had each other. That's how we won.
Chad: (Narrating) Anyway, Poe appoints Finn as his second-in-command and Finn tells Poe that D-O has a ton of information about Exegol. Turns out that D-O was going to Exegol with his former master Ochi. Why was Ochi going to Exegol? Well, to bring the little girl that he was supposed to take from Jakku to the Emperor and that little girl was Rey. And speaking of Rey, she's on Ahch-To having a little bonfire with Kylo Ren's TIE Whisper so she could exile herself and to add a little something to the fire.
(Rey grabs the Skywalker lightsaber and prepares to throw it into the fire, until Luke's Force spirit appears and catches it)
Luke Skywalker (Played by Mark Hamill): A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect.
Rey: Master Skywalker.
Luke Skywalker: What are you doing?
"About to throw your lightsaber into the fire? Are you out of your Jedi mind? I thought I've taught you better." Chad said, imitating Luke Skywalker.
Sean: (Narrating) Rey tells Luke, played by Mark Hamill, that she saw herself on the dark throne and she won't let it happen and that she'll do the same thing that Luke did. But Luke was wrong because it was fear that kept him in exile.
Luke Skywalker: What are you most afraid of?
Rey: Myself.
Luke Skywalker: Because you're a Palpatine. Leia knew it, too.
Rey: She didn't tell me.
"Wait, Leia knew this whole time and she didn't tell her?" Chad asked.
"It was to keep her safe." Sean said.
Rey: She still trained me.
Luke Skywalker: Because she saw your spirit. Your heart. Rey. Some things are stronger than blood. Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi. Your destiny. If you don't face Palpatine, it will mean the end of the Jedi. And the war will be lost.
"Okay, why couldn't they make Luke like this in The Last Jedi instead of him being a useless character?" Sean asked.
"I hate it when they change a good character in a movie." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Luke gives Rey Leia's lightsaber and we get a flashback to her last night of her Jedi training.
(We get a flashback to Leia's last night of training)
Luke Skywalker: (V/O) Leia told me that she had sensed the death of her son at the end of her Jedi path. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day…
"Yikes! Uncanny valley." Chad said after he sees the CGI facial capture of young Princess Leia.
"Fun fact: that was Carrie Fisher's daughter Billie Lourde playing Princess Leia in the flashback." Sean said.
Luke Skywalker: A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight. You'll take both sabers to Exegol.
Rey: I can't get there. I don't have the wayfinder. I destroyed Ren's ship.
Luke Skywalker: You have everything you need.
Chad: (Narrating) And with that, Rey takes the wayfinder, that's still intact after being burned in the TIE Whisper and Luke levitates his old X-Wing from out of the sea for her to take.
(We see Luke using the Force to levitate his X-Wing from out of the depths of the sea and smiles)
Chad: (V/O as Luke Skywalker) Suck it, you little green bastard.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the Resistance, a memory-wiped C-3PO interacts with R2-D2, who he doesn't remember. Luckily, R2 restores 3PO's memory and R2 picks up a signal while our heroes plug D-O into a navigational computer in order to access the coordinates to Exegol to plan their airstrike against the Final Order. The only problem is that Exegol is surrounded by a number of obstacles that could kill them. But then, C-3PO tells them that R2 is retrieving a transmission from Luke's X-Wing, which Rey is piloting and heading to Exegol and showing the Resistance how to get there. And now it's the time to kick the Final Order's ass.
Brian: (Narrating) Poe briefs the Resistance pilots about the airstrike on Exegol and that they need to take out the navigation tower, which the First Order is using to guide the Sith Eternal fleet.
Finn: Air team's gonna find the tower, ground team's gonna blast it.
Resistance Pilot: Ground team?
Finn: I have an idea for that.
Poe Dameron: Once the tower's down, the fleet will be stuck in atmo for just minutes, with no shields, and no way out.
Rose: We think hitting the cannons might ignite the main reactors.
Lando Calrissian: That's our chance.
Beaumont: We need to pull some Holdo maneuvers. Do some real damage.
"Remember The Last Jedi?" Brian asked as a clip of the ship ramming another in hyperspace is shown.
Chad: (Narrating) As for Lando and Chewie, they'll take the Falcon to the Core Systems and send out a call for help for anybody listening. Yeah, remember the Battle of Crait in The Last Jedi? They sent out a call for help and nobody came. Well, time for Poe to make his speech.
Poe Dameron: FIrst Order wins by making us think we're alone. We're not alone. Good people will fight if we lead them. Leia never gave up. And neither will we. We're gonna show them we're not afraid. What our mothers and fathers fought for we will not let die. Not today. Today, we make our last stand. For the galaxy. For Leia. For everyone we've lost.
Finn: They've taken enough of us. Now we take the war to them.
"All right! Let's kick some First Order ass!" Sean yelled out as he pulls his pistol out and fires it up in the air while Chad and Brian both duck for cover.
"Dude!" Brian yelled.
"Put that thing away or you're gonna get us all killed!" Chad shouted.
"Oops. My bad." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Rey arrives on Exegol to confront her grandfather while the Resistance fleet arrives on Exegol with a massive armada of Star Destroyers waiting for them. So, it's time for Finn and the rest of the fighters to make their ground assault on the navigation tower.
General Pryde: Switch over the source of the navigation signal to this ship. We'll guide the fleet out ourselves.
(The navigation tower on the ground gets deactivated)
Resistance Pilot: The navigation tower has been deactivated.
Finn: What?
Snap Wexley (Played by Greg Grunberg): Those ships need that signal. It's gotta be coming from somewhere.
"What? You didn't think that it would be that easy, did you?" Sean asked.
(Finn senses that the navigational signal is coming from the command ship)
Finn: Wait. The nav signal's coming from that command ship. That's our drop zone.
Jannah: How do you know?
Finn: A feeling.
"The Force." Chad said.
Brian: (Narrating) Well, it's time for Plan B, which involves having a troop carrier landing on top of the command ship, with Finn and Jannah leading the assault while riding on horseback.
We cut to Chad breaking down in laughter. "God, this is too silly."
Chad: (Narrating) Back with Rey, she enters the Sith Citadel and arrives in the throne room and it turns out to be a giant auditorium with a bunch of Sith cultists watching for I don't know how long they were waiting for the show to start.
Emperor Palpatine: Long have I waited. For my grandchild to come home. I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here, Empress Palpatine. You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule here. It is in your blood. Our blood.
Rey: I haven't come to lead the Sith, I have come to end them.
Emperor Palpatine: As a Jedi?
Rey: Yes.
Emperor Palpatine: No. Your hatred, your anger. You want to kill me. That is what I want.
"I want you to kill me. Strike me down with all of your hatred and fulfill your rightful place on this throne." Sean said, imitating Emperor Palpatine. "Even though I have tried this before with Luke Skywalker but that all failed. Hopefully, you won't fail me now."
Sean: (Narrating) The Emperor tries to talk Rey into killing him and telling her by doing so that all the spirit of the Sith will live in her and she will become Empress. Then, we cut back to Exegol, where the battle becomes intense as Finn and Jannah causes an explosion to take out the navigation tower temporarily but the First Order are resetting their systems, which means that Finn has a plan. But no one else is coming. But back to Rey as Emperor Palpatine calls on her to give into her hatred and take his life, but Rey still refuses. So he goes for the low blow. Talk shit about her parents.
Emperor Palpatine: Weak. Like your parents.
Rey: My parents were strong. They saved me from you.
Emperor Palpatine: Your Master, Luke Skywalker, was saved by his father. The only family you have here is me.
"Think about it. We'll spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together. We'll also have Grandparents' Day." Sean said, imitating Emperor Palpatine.
Brian: (Narrating) Yeah, so anyway we switch back to Rey confronting the Emperor and the Resistance fighting the First Order. Also, Emperor Palpatine is ripping off Return of the Jedi by making Rey seeing the chaos going on to make her strike him down. But Ben arrives in a functioning TIE Fighter to save Rey and he takes out anyone who stands in his way. That is until he's surrounded by the Knights of Ren and they start fucking him up. And the ritual begins as Rey draws her weapon and comes to her grandfather and she will take her revenge and strike his ass down.
(Rey senses Ben through their dyad)
Emperor Palpatine: Do it! Make the sacrifice!
(Rey refuses, transferring the lightsaber to Ben)
"Okay, you all know what this means." Sean said.
"I sure do." Chad said.
"MORTAL KOMBAT!" The three reviewers both shouted.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays while Rey draws Leia's lightsaber and fights the Sovereign Protectors while Ben fights the Knights of Ren)
Emperor Palpatine: Stand together, die together.
(Emperor Palpatine uses the Force and throws Rey and Ben down to their knees, drawing part of their life essence)
Emperor Palpatine: The lifeforce of your bond... a dyad in the Force. (Sees that his hands are rejuvenated) A power like life itself. Unseen for generations. And now the power of two restore the one, true Emperor.
"And that person is ME!" Sean imitates the Emperor once more.
Chad: (Narrating) And the Emperor begins to drain the life essence from Rey and Ben to rejuvenate himself.
"And then we come to the most shocking part of the movie... THEY KILLED SNAP!" Sean cried out.
Poe Dameron: No, no, no, Snap, Snap!
(One of the TIEs hit Snap's X-Wing. Snap screams)
Poe Dameron: No!
(Snap's X-Wing crashes into a Star Destroyer)
"Yeesh. Nora first loses her husband, then her son years later." Brian said, referencing the character from the Aftermath novels.
Sean: (Narrating) Poe hears the distress of his fellow comrades on his comlink and all hope is lost and no one is coming to help them.
Poe Dameron: My friends... I'm sorry. I thought we had a shot. But there's just too many of them.
Lando Calrissian: (On the comlink) But here are more of us, Poe. There are more of us.
(We see that the Millennium Falcon arrives with a massive fleet)
Poe Dameron: Look at this.
"I love this moment so much that this movie has redeemed itself." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Lando and Chewie arrive with a massive fleet and Lando gets to fly the Falcon.
Finn: Lando, you did it. You did it!
"Lando, you magnificent bastard, you did it!" Brian exclaimed.
Brian: (Narrating) So now, the First Order are screwed and we get a little cameo from Denis Lawson as Wedge Antilles. Anyway, they start taking out the Star Destroyers and this gives them the advantage. Oh, yeah. Zorii and Babu are alive as well. Back with the rejuvenated Emperor reveals himself to his followers. But hey, at least Ben has some life in him left.
(The Emperor uses the Force to levitate Ben)
Emperor Palpatine: As once I fell, so falls the last Skywalker.
(Palpatine uses the Force to throw Ben into a nearby chasm, seemingly killing him)
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean, who's playing the janitor for the last time, sweeping up the floor until we see Chad, who's playing Kylo Ren, lands on the floor as Sean stops sweeping)
Sean: Just when I thought I was done sweeping up dead bodies on the floor. That's it, I'm done with this job…
Chad: (Gets up) Wait, I'm not dead yet.
Sean: Are you alright?
Chad: Yeah. Just a little sore but I'll be fine. I'm just gonna climb up and save the woman that I love from getting killed by her own grandfather.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Emperor Palpatine: Nothing will stop the return of the Sith!
Chad: (Narrating) Palpatine uses super omega Force lightning hands on the Resistance fleet and the allied armada. Funny, I didn't know that Force lightning could destroy ships, as Rey just lies on the ground helplessly while watching the ships getting destroyed.
Rey: Be with me. Be with me. Be with me.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Voiced by Ewan McGregor): These are your final steps, Rey. Rise and take them.
Anakin Skywalker (Voiced by Hayden Christensen): Rey.
Luminara Unduli (Voiced by Olivia D'Abo): Rey.
Mace Windu (Voiced by Samuel L. Jackson): Rey.
Anakin Skywalker: Bring back the balance, Rey, as I did.
Aayla Secura (Voiced by Jennifer Hale): In the night, find the light, Rey.
Mace Windu: You're not alone, Rey.
Yoda (Voiced by Frank Oz): Alone never have you been.
Qui-Gon Jinn (Voiced by Liam Neeson): Every Jedi who ever lived lives in you.
Anakin Skywalker: The Force surrounds you, Rey.
Aayla Secura: Let it guide you.
Ahsoka Tano (Voiced by Ashley Eckstein): As it guided us.
Mace Windu: Feel the Force flowing through you, Rey.
Anakin Skywalker: Let it lift you.
Adi Gallia (Voiced by Angelique Perrin): Rise, Rey.
(A sound clip from Rocky V plays)
Mickey: Get up, you son of a bitch! 'Cause Mickey loves ya!
"Nice voice cameos here." Brian said.
"Yeah, except for that last one. That was from Rocky V. But the rest are just cameos." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After hearing the voices of the Jedi from the past, Rey gets up as the Emperor uses Force lightning to destroy her, but Rey uses Luke's lightsaber to deflect it back.
Emperor Palpatine: You are nothing! A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me. I am all the Sith!
"Uh, let's not forget that you were the Senate too." Sean said.
Rey: And I... (Uses the Force to retrieve the Skywalker lightsaber) I'm all the Jedi.
"And she just had her Iron Man moment right there." Chad said.
Rey: (Her voice is replaced by Tony Stark from Avengers: Endgame) I am Iron Man.
Brian: (Narrating) Rey goes all Super Saiyan on her grandfather's ass, defeating him, which results in a massive wave of energy that destroys the throne of the Sith and the auditorium and taking out all of the Sith cultists in the process. Also, Finn and Jannah take out the command ship by hijacking its laser cannons and destroying the bridge and bringing the ship down. Luckily for them, Lando arrives in the nick of time to pick them up. As for Rey, well, she dies from after her duel with her grandfather. But then Ben arrives after surviving that fall and uses the Force to bring her back to life.
"Jesus Christ! Enough with the magic healing hands, Abrams!" Chad yelled out.
(Rey comes back to life and the love theme from Dumb and Dumber plays once more)
Rey: (Smiles) Ben.
(Rey touches Ben's cheek gently and kisses him. Ben smiles at her and closes his eyes and dies and the record scratches)
"Well, at least he died knowing that he's gonna end up kissing the girl." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) And with that, Ben's body fades away at the same moment as Leia's becoming one with the Force. But anyway, the war is finally over and the Resistance emerge victorious and we get to see cameos from different locations like Cloud City and Endor and, ugh! Ewoks. I hate those things. And hey, a First Order Star Destroyer is joining a wrecked Star Destroyer from the Battle of Jakku.
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! The Resistance and the galaxy celebrate their victory against the Final Order, Maz Kanata gives Chewie the Medal of Bravery, you know, the medal from A New Hope, Lando asks Jannah where she's from and she tells him that she doesn't know. So he tells her let's find out. Also, Rey reunites with Finn and Poe and the three of them have a tearful reunion. Oh, and Rey heads down to Tatooine and visits the abandoned Lars homestead. She also buries Anakin and Leia's lightsabers deep in the sand. And we see that she's constructed a new lightsaber. Her skills are complete.
Unidentified Tatooine Elder: There's been no one for so long. Who are you?
Rey: I'm Rey.
Unidentified Tatooine Elder: Rey who?
"Rey Mysterio." Chad said.
(Rey sees the spirits of Luke and Leia)
Rey: Rey Skywalker.
"Oh, blow me, movie." Chad said.
Brian: (Narrating) And the movie ends as Rey and BB-8 watch the twin suns of Tatooine rise. The end.
"And that was Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. It's a good movie, but it's a mess." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Chad: (Narrating) Now, we can't act like the first two movies weren't that perfect but this one is all over the map. The motivations keep changing, the plot twists are dumb and it's pacing is too fast.
Sean: (Narrating) This movie has its ups and downs but I happen to enjoy it. It had some cool scenes that I like and the actors were doing their best and giving their all. The movie did give some closure to the Skywalker Saga, even though Star Wars went downhill after this movie. Well, at least we got The Mandalorian. A swan song that's epic yet not so epic. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker comes in at 3 Sith Troopers out of 5.
"And that's all for The Summer of Disney. I'm Sean." Sean said.
"I'm Brian." Brian said.
"And I'm Chad Knight." Chad said.
"And I'll see you guys next time." Sean said as he gets up from off of the couch and leaves the living room, leaving Chad and Brian alone.
"Sooooo, I'm starting the Seinfeld Retrospective." Chad said.
"Nice." Brian said. "I just started watching The Babysitters Club."
"The show from 1990 or the film adaptation from 1995?" Chad asked.
"The 2020 version by Netflix. It follows the books quite well, but, gives them a nice setting update and all." Brian explained.
"Nice. Hannah's just started watching it." Chad said. "She likes it."
Mayhem Critic Tagline- I'm all the Jedi.
And that's all for the review of The Rise of Skywalker and that's all for The Summer of Disney. I hope you all enjoyed it. Next time, Sean takes a look at Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, the 1992 direct-to-video release from Warner Bros. Animation to close out the end of summer. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.